Wednesday Top Ten with GUEST BLOGGER Grace the Spot

Helloooooo INTERNET! This is Riese. I did a post exchange with Grace Chu of Grace the Spot, who you really must vote for today when you are voting for me. Between you and me and everyone else reading this, Grace hasn't got a shot in hell for Best Overall or Best Culture/Entertainment, Dorothy 's got that shit in the bag. But! HUMOR! Vote Grace in for humor! As of 2pm on Wednesday she is only 15 votes behind!!! So if y'all vote her in for humor right now, then she could take it. Look, she even made me funny screencaps with Alice in them and worked super-hard to get this to me by Saturday night, only to see my incredible productivity delay publication 'til the very last minute.

VOTE FOR HER RIGHT NOW, then read this, then go to her blog to read my contribution to "Stuff Lesbians Like" -- Bette & Tina.

As I've always done in the days of yore w/r/t Sunday Top Tens -- prior Guest Top 10s include my brother Lewis (Top 10 Life Lessons from the Lew-Man ), Natalie (Why New York is Better Than London ), TB (Why We Hope the Cliche's Sound: Opposites Attract ), Lozo (Top 11 from a Drunken Heterosexual Pinch-Hitter ) and Crystal (So She Comes From the Land Down Under : The Autowin American Experience) -- I completely slaughter and demean their hard work by interjecting what I believe to be my incredibly charming sidenotes.

Anyhow, so Grace has made an illustrated guide to the 10 Stages of Grief starring Alice Pieszecki. I'll amend this with examples from prior blog posts. Think of it as a trip down memory lane, where together we can remember all the fine personal moments we've shared today. My additions will be in red, coincidentally the color of blood.

---

Here's Grace!: Hello, Auto-winners. This is Auto-loser Grace Chu from Grace The Spot, who is guest-writing the Sunday Top 10 so that Riese may take a one-day break from being a cheese-eating surrender monkey. Instead, I will step into her Converses and

• prepare Grace The Spot's readers for the probable outcome of our suicide mission against long-shot quest to unseat Dorothy Surrenders from her perch, and
• trigger AutoWin's readers' PTSD symptoms from their bruising attempt to do the same last year.

So, without further ado, here are the 10 Stages of Grief acted out by Alice Pieszecki
with helpful examples from the Autowin Personal Vaults.
++

10. Shock

From April '08- "The Kind of Girl Who Laughs and Says Get Up Off Your Knees":

"All day long it's been Monday. Perhaps you know this, perhaps calendars are an important part of your life. Chances are, you have been aware of Monday. Like the song "Manic Monday." Well, now it is 5:37 A.M. on Tuesday, so it's not Monday anymore. The point is that yesterday WAS Monday. But you wouldn't know that by speaking to me."

---

9. Emotional Releases - Cursing

E.g., June '08 - "I Wanted to Paint Nothing":

"You Chorus of Cuntish Commenters [not my commenters, obvs], your twatiliciousness skyrockets."

---

8. Physical Manifestations - Loss of Lunch

E.g., from April '08 - "A Silly Time To Learn To Swim":

"I've been a little feverish for a few days now. I might just be talking crazy. Life today isn't all that similar to life a week ago. Things keep happening that don't make sense, that seem wildly inappropriate, inspiring metaphors about being underwater and existing inside giant cottonballs. Yesterday: my head felt like the moment the jets turn off in a hot tub ... a durrrrring pool of disappointed/subdued dumb bare skin ... Yesterday I couldn't think/update (synonyms, maybe) 'cause it was my fourth morning running on no sleep..."

---

7. Depression

From October '08 : "And I'm Not Proud That Nothing Will Seem Easy About Me":

"I'm fighting competing urges to be productive or do all of the following things at once: lie on my couch, drink sweet wine out of the bottle, read Raymond Carver and watch Tegan & Sara."

++

From June '07: "Failed Attempt at Gay Pride Post"

"I think I've got Toxic Shock Syndrome in my heart."

---

6. Guilt

From October '08 - "I Refuse to Believe That It's Only Me Feeling":

"Why aren't we massively fabulous/acheiving our wildest dreams in life/writing and/or starring in The L Word? I feel like this question is probs inappropriate on a number of levels, including: totes biting the hands that [literally] feed and validate and agree with us, there are children starving AND un-fabulous all over the world ..."

---

5. Anger

From February '09: "The Medium is the Message":

"YouTube, I have one thing to say: fuck you, you carwash cunt. BAM! ROASTED."

+

From November '08 - "Obvs I Cannot Leave the Apartment Again Until December at the Earliest":

"I mean everyone should marry who they want to, and anyone who disagrees with me --- well, I hate you. If you voted Yes on Prop 8, I'm sorry, I just hate you!"

---

4. Idealism

From September '08 - "Sacred & On Fire":

"I miss the night-fires, I miss the abandon and the rampant self-destruction. I miss knowing everything wasn't right but not caring because I was so alive, because it was so fun or so vivid or so full or because I hit the streets with all I had. I miss absolving myself of responsibility for myself. I miss the future we used to talk about with such generosity. I miss the stories we believed in and I want to write the ones we never told. I want so many things."

---

3.Realization

From June '07 -"Top Ten Things Keeping Me On This Side of the Window this Week":

"The "T" Key is broken again. So is my soul. However, I have not jumped out the window or stopped using words with "T"s in them. You know what that's called? Inner strength. Know where I learned that? R&B/Hip-Hop, especially Beyonce."

---

2. New Patterns - Letting Go

From November '07 - "This Girl Called Automatic Weirdo":

"You guys should totes cry if you need to and laugh too. Life is really funny, seriously, have you ever seen it? It's fucking ridiculous and hilarious and random as hell. It's fucking tragic. So you know, like hang in there. I'm not gonna say it'll get better ... but it'll be an experience for sure."

---

1.Living with the Loss

++

From July '07- "Where Do Teleplays Come From? They Just Appear!":

"I would like to stare at some french fries, or possibly a large deep body of water, or possibly an island."

---

Comrades, brace yourselves for the worst. But hope for the best. Let’s make this dream a reality. First, vote This Girl Called Automatic Win Best Personal Blog in the Lezzys. This blog deserves an award already. Then when you have completed that righteous mission, vote Grace The Spot for Best Humor Blog (and if you don’t think we’re funny, you can make it an “ironic” vote). It would be presumptuous of me to ask you to vote for Grace The Spot as Best Entertainment Blog over Dorothy Surrenders, but if you take a couple of vodka shots before you do it, it won’t hurt as much.

Finally, since I am standing in Riese’s shoes for this post, please avenge her loss last year for Blog of the Year to Dorothy Surrenders by throwing Grace The Spot a vote for Blog of the Year this year. After letting this coveted prize slip out of its hands for a year, New York City shall rise like a phoenix from the ashes of defeat. Make it happen! EAST SIIIIDE!!! (Yes, I know the last time there was an epic East Coast vs. West Coast battle, Tupac and Biggie got shot, but, comrades, we cannot be paralyzed by the ghosts of the past. We must go on. Life must go on.)

CLICK HERE AND VOTE, SOLDIERS!

Thank you for your time, consideration, and clickety-click-click love.
xoxo, Grace
xxx riese.

Autowin Presents Boyshorts Tuesday

I promised you a Boyshorts Monday, but I never promised you a rose garden. Let's compromise with Boyshorts Tuesday! I want your vote. I want you to want me, and then, because you want me, I want you to want to vote for me. That's why this week I am Autowin Surrenders, just like last year's winner, Dorothy Surrenders. It's explained in my last post in more detail. There's also a funny graphic there. Hi! You're all so beautiful today.

I also hoodwinked Grace The Spot [who you're also voting for -- esp. for best humor blog] into doing a post-swap with me, but I was completely unprepared for the 605 recap taking ten thousand years to write, so therefore I'm eons behind on absolutely everything, including writing her a post and putting up the post she wrote for me. Also I am behind on my life, possibly several years behind.

This is a personal blog. Isn't that the best oxymoron ever? It's hard to write personally & publically lately because every thought in my head is a secret from someone. Because I'm so confused that I seem calmer than I've ever seemed. I'm somewhere between "gaaa" and "ommm."

So instead let's look at the girls. The thing about the word "genderfuck" is that you're fucking something and the unfolding is brave and the payoff is ... it's just hot. It's like global warming for your pride. Look, this is pretty.

If you know where I can find more/better boyshorts photos please do email me at marielyn176@gmail.com! I'll update periodically throughout the day if I find more photos.

BOYSHORTS TUESDAY!!!

++

Sarah Shahi as Carmen De La Pica Morales in The L Word
++

Scarlett Johanssen
++

You look very Shane Today
++

Rosario Dawson
++

Giselle
+

Jennifer Aniston

+

Dania Ramirez
+

Alyson Hannigan
+

Carmen Electra
+

Charlize Theron
+

Missy Peregrym
+

Mia Kirshner

+

Amanda Peet
+

Halle Berry
+

Elizabeth Hurley
+

Eva Longoria
+

Paris Hilton
+

Jennifer Jason Leigh
+

Keira Knightley
+

Mischa Barton

+

Naomi Watts

Autowin Will Never Surrender, No She'll Never Surrender - It's Fiiiiine Friday

Hellooooo! You look smashing today. As you know, I'm currently involved in a very serious do-or-die election. I know I promised to stop getting involved in voting-related situations, BUT I had to do "The Lezzies" 'cause last year Dorothy Surrenders demolished me by just a hair, and the year before that, Ham & Cheese On Wry crushed Dorothy's dreams by just an inch, so clearly history suggests that this year I will take home the crown. Look people, I'm not messing around here.

Howevs, my personal Herstory suggests that I will NOT ever take home any kind of crown (the Uh Huh Her video contest only partially counts, as our stiffest competition was an enthusiastic Welsh girl singing along to the teevee in her pajamas claiming that even though she hadn't attended the video-contest-required concert that she still deserved to win ... and were it up to the fans rather than Leisha & Cam, we would've lost. Luckily Rovermom did not have her day in the sun. Anyhow where was I, ah yes. I am still in the parentheticals, let's go) (oh also I did win the Hot Blogger Calendar thing, along with 11 other girls, and I'm pretty sure at least 200 of my votes were from Vashti & Autumn) (Thanks guys!) (400).

So, as I was saying, history shows that this year, I should be the one punching people in the face rather than, per ushe [again, questionable, but bear with me here, I'm trying to give you an ultimatium, which is something I have issues with] , an auto-loser. So, this'll be the last one. Probs. So please go vote for me (best personal blog) and Grace the Spot (best humor blog) and Sugarbutch (best gender-bender & erotica blog).

Also remember 8-Against-8, when we banded together to raise $13,759 to fight Proposition 8? I did that. Well Grace was in charge of that and other 8against8-ers include Sugarbutch, Pam's House Blend and Dorothy Surrenders, all nominees this year. Vote for them. NOW. Or die.

Anyhow during past elections, I've continued to be my typical self, bloggity blogging away all about memememe and the things I like. This year I will not let that happen.

This year, I'm going to spend the voting period doing EXACTLY what Dorothy Snarker does on her blog, because she beat me last year, therefore logic dictates I should emulate her as much as I can. 'Cause I'm not competing directly against her, it's totes ethical. Some might even call it "charming." [Bet You Can't Wait for my "Pre-L," otherwise known as "K." K what? You'll see. Special? Maybe. How good? K-good.]

I've already brought you Whoodie Wednesdays (a rip-off of Tank Top Tuesdays) and today I will bring you another series of photographs of ladies wearing fuckable things because today is Fiiinnneee Fuckable Friday obvs.

Howevs, I have no effin' clue where to find random pictures of hot girls. I'm familiar with a Kate Moennig fan site or two, but where do these other hot photos come from? Google Image Search is bunk, and I don't read any celebrity or fashion or pop culture sites besides the one I write for . Tips?

Today I will please you with photographs of girls who are looking & dressing boyishly. Why? Because, like hoodies, I think it's cute. I like boyish girls. I also don't believe in gender, but we'll talk about that another day. A day when I'm allowed to talk about Gender Trouble and Pomosexuals. That day will come.

Also, unlike Dorothy I don't have anything witty to say, let alone something concise & witty to say. But vote for me anyhow or I'll never blog again.

Actual Queer Girls Lookin' A Little Boyish Friday

++

Kate Moennig
++

Tegan & Sara, Amanda Palmer, Sara Cook, Invisible Ponyboy
++

Patricia Melone = Rising Star Gay Model
++

Ellen Page in drag > Ellen Page in preggo suit
++

Jackie Warner makes people work out
++

Rachel Maddow: Best Dork Ever
+

This is what Max is supposed to look like, dammit.
++

Who wants a double shot of love with FUTCH?
Probs not me but still.
++

Who cares if this fits 100% with the theme?
Aren't you just glad I brought it to your attention? Yeah you are.
++

Every night Jenny Shimizu can go to bed, close her eyes and think:
"It is me. I am the woman who made love to Angelina Jolie."
++
This is what I want is something like what these ladies have.
++

The thing is about famous people though that once you meet them, they become people and not images. And then it becomes harder to deal with their images as images, instead of as pictures of people. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess I try to think of it as though these are all works of art. Like the photographer, the subject, they just come together to make art of some kind. Whether it's a commentary on culture or just nice to look at. If you are reading this blog for the first time, you will be really confused about why anyone reads it. Ho-ho-hum. Let's bang on the drums. HAY!

So Yeah, WE DID. (See our Planet Harlem Obama Party in VIDEO). You Lose Some, You Oughta Win Some!

Last night = obvs a historic occasion. Not only did I slice my leg open (re: your questions in the comments -- that's defo not the blood dripping down, I literally did get sliced from knee to ankle) but Barack Obama WON the election AND -- inspired by these events and vodka, I willingly traveled TOWARDS, rather than away from, a large mass of human beings congregated in one small space. Not only this, but said human congregation was at the intersection of 125th & Adam Clayton Powell, in New York, NY, one block from my old apartment. We made you a video about it! [below] And it was beautiful, so fucking amazing, there's no place on earth I would've rather been. A jubilant & incredibly diverse crowd -- our collective joy broke into blossom, turned into amber waves of grain, and will now fed our hearts and souls forevs and evs. We did it!

I've really enjoyed, deep in the little embers of my ever-loving heart, reading your comments last night and today. You're all so special and warm my heart, seriously, you've all said such amazing things.

You know when you can't help but SMILE? I hear this happens to other people all the time, but I am a tin-man/vampire, so.

OMG! How many "omgkfasjdaklj" texts did you send last night? OMG, i KNOW! Me too!!!

As for Prop 8 -- the fight isn't over. That's all I can talk about right now, as I don't think I can handle any bittersweet in my sweet today. I'll deal with it, I'm not gonna block it out like I did with other childhood traumas, a psychological coping mechanism that made me into the batshit crazy person I am today. I'm gonna deal with it like later on tonight or this week. Tegan & Sara, btw, are leading a prop 8 protest rally in WeHo tonight. That's amazing. I love America!

Also, nice job Palin. You are so over, we need a new word for over.

Every now and then, there comes an event so magical, and so huge, that I don't feel I can do it justice in any way except to run around the streets and scream with people. Mostly, I feel you've probs read enough of my words and the words of others today. C'mon, you know how I feel my feelings today, obvs.

So I've made you a video. We took the camera last night but weren't that good at filming important stuff, but you know how I like to turn straw into gold. And by gold I mean "goldplated" but it's the thought that counts.

It's a little corny, I have some of Obama's speech in Grant Park there as well as footage from our jaunt, which you witnessed in writing last night as I live-blogged. A;ex and I went next door (our friends are my neighbors!), got Chase & Ang, and went right to Planet. Obvs. Among other amazing things I overheard was "Who's house is it?" "THE BLACK HOUSE!"

Also, this guy walked past me and said "You need some change, right?" in a burst of enthusiasm and I was confused, as was Alex, I was like "is he saying that I'm gonna be the poor one now? If he is, that's kind of amazing and awesome, but why is he offering me change? Is it my outfit?" and then I realized he was talking about the other kind of change. You know, THE CHANGE WE NEED.

[Great article about Rachel Maddow in New York Magazine, P.S.]

You can see some of last night's brill insanity. Wheeee!!!!!


Also, an update on my leg -- it still looks pretty much the same, perhaps slightly worse, but is beginning to scab. Stay tuned for more updates!!!

Election Day Live-Blog: Either the Best or the Worst Night Ever [UPDATE THE BEST!!!]

Hi kids! Welcome to the Election Day Live-Blog. We get to find out who wins tonight, right? FYI, we still don't have a couch, and I was trying to screw in the curtain rod and I fell through a bookshelf, breaking it and slicing my left leg open. It's pretty sexy. I think things can really only go up from here. Like we could win the election.

12:49 A.M.: Oh and happy birthday Autumn!!! OMG you guys, I am so proud of everyone. I wish my Dad could see this, he'd freak out for sure. I'm so happy and stuff!!

12: 31 AM: AND WE DID. Planet Harlem is AMAZING right now. They've got a big screen on Adam Clayton Powell, no one is yelling at me about the apocalypse and there is just pure, unbridled, genuine, fearless JOY on the streets right now. I love everyone.

Don't talk to me about Prop 8 right now, I can't handle it, just need to sleep and will deal with that, and my re-opened leg wound, in the morning.

10:48 P.M.: WE ARE GOING TO HARLEM TO VIDEOTAPE AND PARTY!!!!

10:35 P.M.: PARIS and Semicolon support Obama for president.
I love this wig, I love America, and I love John McCain. (KIDDING! I mean ... I do! 'Cause he lost so that my true LOVe Obama could WINN!!) We're going to go next door and see if we can make our friends as excited as we are. BRB in like five minutes, 'cause NO ON PROP 8 HAS JUST BEGUN.

10:25 P.M.: In 2000, I was asleep in my dorm and I woke up at 2 A.M and heard my friend yelling 'we won! Gore! Gore in Oh-oh!" and I went to sleep happy and then I woke up the next morning and the whole world changed. But this is shaping up to be so much better than that, and so much more.

Natalie: Your leg looks like HELL by the way. I hope you don't have rabies.
Me: That's your name! Your NAME is RABIES!

(It's Raaber, but when we joined the gym together as a lesbian couple, they sent the mail to Marie Bernard and Natalie Rabey.)


10:21 P.M.: We might need to go next door and excite Devilkitty 'cause we feel like she is not excited enough.

NYTimes says 159 Obama, 36 McCain. I knew it! I knew this was gonna happen, 'cause polling "likely voters"? Who are they? Who's ever been polled as a likely voter? Not me. Young people and black people were not polled and they all voted so BOOYA pollers. People who don't answer their phone are autowinners. Yayayayayay!

10:13 P.M.: This is like a dream, except my dead Dad and my ex from middle school aren't in it! Um, anyway so ...

My nail polish DOES match my blood, holler!

You know why I'm bleeding? 'Cause I'm a liberal, and that's my bleeding heart!

Natalie likes Rachel's hair better too. It's been universally confirmed that Rachel's hair looks better tonight and that is probs why Obama is winning and will win and YES WE CAN


10:05 P.M.: Live pictures from HARLEM?!!! This is the first thing to ever happen outside of Dr. Jay's Shoe Store since 2007 and now I live a little bit too far west for my lazy ass to trek.

10:02 P.M: Update on my leg:

Update on the election:

Natalie just came home and we all screamed about Ohio! Her parents voted Democrat for the first time ever, and she made her brother vote, and he just came in and she was like, "Matthew, it's because of you! That he won Ohio!" See, heartwarming moments are happening all over the place.

9:50 P.M.: Someone explain to me the psychology of people who totally just don't vote?

9:48 P.M.: First occasion for "my number one feeling is Miami" tag since um ... actually going to Miami!

9:46 P.M: I'm not entirely sure I have any idea how to act when something reliant on a popular vote totally goes my way.

9:43 P.M.: Finally, college-educated whites have achieved SOMETHING. We're cited as Obama's number one pushers for this election. We don't have jobs that pay our rent, but we're all about the audacity of hope etc!!!

OMG OMG OMG! OHIO!

9:40 P.M.: A;ex loves maps and apologizes for not knowing "where that state is that's next to Michigan." Also she can see Angelina Jolie from her bedroom!

NPR says Obama wins New Mexico, but NY Times says McCain wins New Mexico. I feel like the NY Times is being a serious old grey lady tonight.

9:36 P.M.: Haviland vounteered today in L.A. and said everyone was like "oh, obvs I'm voting against Prop 8" She also says "Hi Autowinnners!" and "Hi!" on behalf of all L.A. Power Lesbians. Wheeeee!

9:35 P.M.: A;ex just asked "what's that state next to Michigan?" Sigh.

9:32 P.M.: Okay a lot of things are happening ... and I think they are all good.

9:23 P.M.: OH! OHIO! Ohio! My home and native land, where I celebrate the Jesus related holidays and my dear family lives! YOU GO ERMA! YOU GO ERMA AND GLEN! (those are my grandparents). Yay Ohio, birthplace of my father, yay Ohio, homeland of Natalie! OHIO! Home of the many Wal-Marts and Odd Lots! Ohio land of the free home of the not that brave but very very tenacious sometimes when they want to be! Ohio headquarters of the homosexy Abercrombie and Fitch!

9:16 P.M: I wish Elisabeth Hassleback's career was on the ballot so I could vote her out of it. I hope she deflates a little and then Whoopi and Joy can eat her. Also, the polls close in California in an hour and 45 minutes, so I guess we'll find out about No on prop 8 um ... well I'll be up all night. Is legalizing cocaine on the ballot? It's only 9:17! A lot of talking not a lot of results.

Still those white dudes are overpowering Rachel.

9:14 P.M: McCain's Mom is talking crazy. She doesn't care if he wins and thinks he's going to die soon or something. She must be at least 500 years old.

9:11 P.M.: OMG It's GRANHOLM! In Michigan! She pioneered the lesbian haircut! She has high hopes for Obama obviously. Talking about the auto industry. Love the multicultural electorate everywhere except at Obama rallies.

9:05 P.M.: I've never been to Virginia or South Carolina. WILL I EVER? We'll find out tonight. A;ex is cleansing my wound. Oh good, Rachel is talking, I think they did her hair differently tonight.

9:04 P.M.: Peter and A;ex want to order pizza 'cause Chris Matthews told them too. Obvs brainwashed by the liberal media elite.

8:54 P.M.: In response to various comments -- I never let not being able to focus stop me from liveblogging! Yay! I'd feel weird if I lived in Anchorage, my tear ducts are totes prepped for tears of joy, and I am wishing myself good luck as well.

There is not enough Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. If my cable worked well I could flip back and forth between this and BET.

I think Delay just tried to talk "street" and failed. "I don't hate!" Okay. Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, I don't even want, none of the above ...

8:48 P.M.: If you want to feel better just read Huff Po. They have lots of big letters announcing nice things, like that Obama wins it all. But this asshat on MSNBC is like "cool your heels in Grant Park." Yeah I'll cool your heels in your mom or whatevs whatevs whatever.

A;ex: What the fuck would it take for these red assholes to wake up and change their fucking minds and vote Democrat?
Me: If they could just feel the pleasure of another man's penis in their assholes, they'd flip like THAT.
A;ex: I mean how can they ignore what's happening in this country?
Me: There's a g-spot up there.


8:45 P.M.: So far Obama has not flipped a red state blue. That's fine. Purple is my favorite color.

8:41 P.M.: FreshDirect is 41 minutes late. I'm hungry. I wish I lived in a socialist country. I cannot drink fast enough for this night. I tried to take another picture of my bloody leg 'cause I think it's gotten worse, but I don't think any photos can do it justice. There are three of us in one room using the slowest web connection ever. I wonder what I'd pick for my headshot in the upper left.

I saw McCain speaking this afternoon to his "supporters" and he kept saying "my friends." Does he do that all the time? That's so irritating, if he wins I'm going Office Space on my teevee so I never have to hear his stupid annoying voice, he is so not in my top 8 and never will be. If I had a top 100,000 he wouldn't be in it either.

8:36 P.M.: The NY Times poll is completely whack! How can they keep reporting all these random Midwestern states before ANYONE has reported? Has anyone counted MY absentee ballot in Michigan yet?

8:33 P.M.: Barack is barely winning the popular vote. I don't care about the popular vote. AUTOWIN: Not caring about the popular vote since 2000.

8:31 P.M.: Obama is gonna win Maine. I knew it! Everyone in Maine is a hippie who lives in a tree. My Fresh Direct is totally late. I need to open this bottle of wine to drink right out of it. BRB.

8:26 P.M.: I'd like to speak to the 9% who think the economy is good. Actually I know one person who thinks we're all just being pessimistic. She doesn't live in Pennsylvania though so I don't know what to tell you. Maybe that's also the same percentage of people in Pennsylvania who live in caves and/or the hills.

8:22 P.M.: Thank you for the demonstration of how to fill out a ballot. This is like the SATs. Bring a Number 2 pencil and cocaine.

8:17 P.M.: I feel like if Ice-T had gone in another direction in his career, he would look a little bit like the token they've got on MSNBC ... I'm not just saying that 'cause they're both black. They look alike! I mean I know the difference between Barack Obama and Will Smith. I totally voted.

The NYTimes is projecting Texas to go Obama with 0% reporting? I feel like they should re-hire some of those 1,200 people they fired.

8:08 P.M.: Natalie says "Peter keeps saying OH NO! What's happening?" I tell her McCain hasn't lost a red state yet but we think Barack won Pennsylvania.

BTW, I'm losing all kinds of red blood coming out of my leg, and I still believe in the audacity of hope.

8:07 P.M.: Chris Matthews says that in Pennsylvania, "change" isn't always a good word 'cause the kids grow up and then move to New York or D.C. I think the implication is that they then become HOMOSEXUALS.

8:05 P.M.: PENNSYLVANIA!!!

7:47 P.M.: @lozo - too close to call! Obama will school McCain later.

I feel like it's still noon in California. FreshDirect is late, I wonder if that's related to the election. I hate it when Red States report first.

7:35 P.M. A;ex is putting up my shelves! Chris Matthews's voice gets a little grating sometimes. I think Rachel's worn that jacket before. But look she's blue and red! Like America! Except I hope America is more blue. Just like her outfit!

Also, I got some late-adds for the No on Prop 8 Quilt, so I must re-post it, 'cause it's two hot lesbians and a cute dog, which's the American Dream obviously.