Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Sunday Top Ten Part Two: I Refuse To Believe That It's Only Me Feeling

First of all. Good news. Good good news. The source of HPS's email conundrum: her signature. This issue has been targeted and subsequently conquered.

So: more questions in life, not in dreams. I have weird dreams. Last night, I was on vaycay with my Dad and my brother, and then we went home and I had all these Calvin & Hobbes books, and I was like, "I should text Carly about her tattoo." That's not supposed to make sense, it's just what happened. In my dream. Haviland was sleeping next to me, dreamily, with her earplugs. Platonically, obvs.

Questions. Things that I do not understand. I gotta say, the first round of this was pretty hot. The "59th Annual Kings County Tony's" are still raging on -- but Jaimie's informed me that they're possibly not incorrect -- AND we've fixed Haviland's email, I've got plans to fix my phone problem, and Stef was not The Biggest Loser. Um, did anything else happen? I forget what my questions were now. Oh, yes! I encouraged one person to buy a book, so we're closer to fixing that problem. I should ask "Why Is There World Hunger?" But, you know, that's awfully ambitious, and I am, as we all know, a bit of a self-depricant. I just made up that word, P.S. Actually, I thought it was a real word until my auto spell-checker underlined it, informing me of it's Non-Reality.

SUNDAY TOP TEN, PART TWO: ITEMS 5-1 OF
THE GREAT MYSTERIES OF LIFE THAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND


5. Why Do Men Yell At Girls On the Street?
I've gotta say first off, the short hair's reduced this by at least 85% which's, honestly, fucking amazing. Planet Harlem's a hotbed of men who've got interesting methods of dealing with women. I don't get it. Like, "You don't like black guys?" isn't necessarily the best pick-up line when someone's ignored your initial request for communication. Does it ever work? AND what if the guy WAS hot? Do I ever even make eye contact to find out? No, I don't. I look down, and I walk, and I seethe, 'cause I've got my little baby wrath. If I'm eating an ice cream cone and some dude yells that he'd like a lick -- chances are pretty high I'm not gonna give it to him, unless it's like, Leisha Hailey, or um, Abraham Lincoln. 'Cause you gotta admit that actually, it'd be pretty awesome to hang out w/Abraham Lincoln. Also, if I'm with another girl and you tell me that it's "a beautiful thing" or that you support gay marriage or something, I hope you vote and masturbate a lot. I don't know what I hope or what that means. type type type. I'm fairly confident that there's not a huge crossover between Cajolers and Autowin-Readers, so this is really just me doing what I do best, which's complain to no avail. To hell with all that progress we made earlier this week, let's WHINE.

4. Why Does Everything Take So Long?
Like, when was the last time I said to myself "Wow, that was quicker than I expected?" Um. Hahaha. No, seriously, a long time ago.

3. Why Does my Gym Suck So Bad?
New York Sports Club sucks. I'd join a more expensive gym, but: 1)I've got no money and NYSC currently just continues to charge my credit card obvs, 2)NYSC is already about as expensive as gyms go. I mean, the next step up'd be like, Equinox, or Reebok, or New York Health & Raquet Club, but then I'd be surrounded by Serious Douchetards and it'd be farther than two blocks away. New York Sports Club charges $90/month and what do we get? Crap. I've complained about NYSC before, so I'll be brief and only mention here New Complaints:

-Many of the machines (about 33%) audibly creak or make otherwise unbearable noises, and there're rarely signs warning you of this. Really the best you can hope for is that no-one notices that it's you doing all that creaking, 'cause then people will start glaring at you, like "get off that machine, it is creaking super-loud and annoying everyone," when they oughta be glaring at the maintenance staff, who're doing nothing.

-The magazine rack is a total tease. I don't even know why it's there. I've stumbled upon an Entertainment Weekly maybe twice and GQ once, but generally it literally contains CATALOGS (Like, is that good gym reading? Maybe it is if you can afford things in catalogs. Also I'm not talking good catalogs like delia*s, but useless ones like um, furniture homewares whatevs. I don't know, are catalogs good gym reading, you tell me, I'm the expert.) and back-issues of Cookie (a parenting magazine, not, unfortunately, a magazine about Cookies).

-Jackie Warner does not work there.

Does your gym suck? Does everyone's gym suck? My gym in Ann Arbor, Liberty, was awesome. That's the Brazilian Women's Soccer team in the picture, no joke.

2. Why Does [redacted] magazine continue to rock my world, month after month?
Although it's clearly just the nature of the beast [is that the right expression? Whatever means like, obviously, "a natural consequence of the freelance writing biz to begin with"?] that just happened to befall me at The Worst Moment Ever, one might think my affections for this publication would've lessened following the Great Article Kill of '07. I've tried to hate them but I don't. It's my favorite magazine. This isn't even intended as a way to sleep myself into the "comments" section they've recently added to the front of the mag, which, p.s., I think is totes retarded [and you can quote me on that] or garner a staff position [though obvs I wouldn't mind one, I suspect this isn't the most mature path to such a thing], I genuinely find this magazine to consistently rock my world.

I've blogged about them before: on their bizarre habit of declaring the Mood-of-the-Moment and then contradicting themselves the following week, the "I am" cover story about the "ME" generation which inspired me to create Riese's 15-Year-Old MySpace Page, their "Best of New York" feature which inspired my short-lived "Best of Not New York" feature, um, and, etc., etc. Bla bla bla, me me me.

Okay, so:
1. (August 27th) This story, "Conspiracy of Two: Why did Artists Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake Commit Suicide? A Chronicle of Their Descent Into Madness," literally gave me goosebumps and actually partially inspired my August OverShare; "they were artists, after all, and artists are allowed a degree of lunacy" ... looking at this article gives me goosebumps again, all over again, it like, stabs me and guts me, this fucking article.
2. (October 1st) On a lighter note, the unthinkable's recently happened to me: my agoraphobia's resulted in a lessened desire to go to the gym, previously cited as the One Thing I Always Can Do. No longer true. Even though my habit of exercising is not an attempt to get thinner, as I am already thin, I still enjoyed "Does Exercise Really Make Us Thinner?: The Scientist and the Stairmaster: Why most of us believe that exercise makes us thinner--and why we're wrong" it's like, the ultimate validation for lazy-asses everywhere. Genetics is Destiny, y'all, so give the fuck up, sorz. Personally, I can give you this advice: when depressed or overwhelmingly passionate regarding someone who's got my heart and/or body, I get emaciated. When not at this elevated or rock-bottom state, I stay the same. Exercise's pretty much irrelevant, but it gives you endorphins and has kept me alive even though most other parts of my life are dedicated to the pursuit of pleasures that're not so good for my heart, like drugs, not sleeping, drinking coffee, drinking alcohol and heartache. Also I'm always letting things tug at my heartstrings. Haha. Puppets. Ha. Hm, you know Heart the band? Good band. Know Heart the song? Good song. Know heart the organ? Good organ, beware of attacks.
3. Other articles I've enjoyed recently include: August 13th's "The Near Fame Experience," about the aftermath of Bravo TV-reality stardom, "The Deliverymen's Uprising" about the shitty conditions and attempted unionizing of NYC's delivery guys [I always overtip, now moreso] and "Awkward Phase" about Michael Sera, August 20th's "Why New Yorkers Live Longer" which points out why you totes should exercise and reinforces my monthly hypocrisy theory about this magazine and September 3rd's "Watching Matt Drudge," because I'm always intrigued by the simultaneously famous & illusive. Also, August 6th's look at secret gay relationships enabled by craigslist: "Married Man Seeks Same for Discreet Pleasure," and July 2nd's reminder of how much cooler everything was before we were born, "Long Hot Summer of Love."
4. Following the "1" theme to "stories about quasi or completely insane artists": Sep.24th's "How Edward Mapplethorpe got His Name Back: His long, tortured road through art, drugs, and brotherhood," October 1st's "The Life Obsessive with Wes Anderson," September 17th's "MisShape's After-Party" (I just noticed this was written by one of the best editors I've ever had the pleasure to work with, at nerve obvs, Michael Martin, which's also funny as we were banned from pitching party-photo-related stories at editorial meetings, in addition to any Scientology, Star Wars or burlesque related stories) and 'Spring' Allergy: Jonathan Franzen because I love Jonathan Franzen and Spring Awakening: The Musical both.
5. Just today: Totes overstayed my elliptical trainer's welcome reading a solid cover story about the hypothetical Hilary Clinton presidency re: Bill, "The First: Female President, Male First Lady, Former President in the White House" and, for some bizarre reason unknown to me as I find real estate to be resolutely Not Interesting, "Apoplectic at the Apthorop." Like, I was glued to that article. Sometimes their cover art is totally retarded though, I gotta say.

1. Why Aren't We Massively Faboulous/Achieving Our Wildest Dreams In Life/Writing and/or Starring In "The L Word"?
[This question, unlike, say "Why is my phone bill so high?" is more-or-less rhetorical, like, I'm not asking anyone who's reading this to help us in this area, as you've (you=readers) all been remarkably and inspirationally helpful in every way you possibly could be as far as this is concerned, OBVS.]
Eddie: Your epitomb. What is that you want on your epitomb?
Patsy: I want: "She was fantastic...."Patsy was here."
Eddie: No, daring, you can just have "Patsy Stone".
Patsy: Oh, Eddy, Eddy. Wait for this. Wait for this: "Eddy: Still no thinner."
Eddie: These are really funny. We could sell those.

[She calls it "epitomb," I know she means "epitaph."]
Did you read The Devil Wears Prada? That book sucked. Also, The Hills? I just don't get it. There're so many things that I don't get. The L Word? The weirdos that always win America's Next Top Model? Elisabeth Hassleback? I may've mentioned this before.

I feel like this one -- "1" -- is probs inappropriate on a number of levels, including: totes biting the hands that [literally] feed and validate and agree with us, there are children starving AND un-fabulous all over the world, I think I've talked about it before, probably more than once. Just pontificating, and sharing with you a piece of our world, because ...

It's just that: to be honest, this is, seriously, our Number One Mystery of the World Conversation Topic. And for some reason I continue to feel like I must always Be Honest. Srsly. (It's less serious when you spell it like that.)

I mean, did you hear Haviland sing "Part of Your World" on my cruise video? Well, yeah. I've been described as probs no less enjoyable than whomever wrote the copy for my smartwater bottle or wrote some crap somethingsomething. Why aren't we [we=all my wonderful talented friends] as fabulous as Eddie & Patsie, Paris & Nicole, Ariel Levy & The Wife of Ariel Levy or Ernie & Bert? Like, I want to be like in the Oliver and Company song: "Perfect Isn't Easy," which COINCIDENTALLY I happened to lip sync ON MY FUTON in the mid-nineties, and I think I used a necktie as a boa, which was a little forewarning of things to come.

One might argue: in order to become a famous author, I need to write a book. To which I would say: touche.

It's weird, over here, on this side of things. It's like we're so close we can touch it, we can wear its wigs and its shoes. But it's also very distinctly Not It. I guess we don't know if we'd like "It" either, we're just guessing, and mostly, we want stability, somewhere good to start from instead of to look at. Somewhere with less roadblocks.

I clearly can't talk about this in any rational sense. Because -- because life is irrational, p.s.

Off topic, kinda: Sometimes, almost anything seems better than this, even things that are worse, or were worse, at the time. Sometimes it's refreshing to get shaken to the core -- no, it's actually terrible -- but it's more exciting while surviving the shakedown than to be wrecked on the other side, which's like, not only just as depressing, but slower, and with no chance of instant turnaround. I clearly am no longer talking about anything. Let's segue, shall we?

Yes, lets: fear is the color you've all exposed, now I gotta get up here and prove the importance of my clothes of my pose ...

So there're a lot of other mysteries of life that didn't make the cut, which means I might continue on this topic for a few more posts, even though it'll no longer be Sunday or officially part of the Sunday Top Ten or potentially "good." Many interesting topics've been passed over, like "Why does Kozmo.com not exist anymore?" and "Who watches Everybody Loves Raymond even though My So-Called Life got canceled?", "Iraq: WTF?", "Why do I wear makeup to the gym?", "Why is it so difficult to perform very simple tasks?" and "Why does that one Rilo Kiley song have like, a whole minute of empty space at the end?" "Why doesn't i-tunes sell every Tegan & Sara song ever written?" "Why're we perpetually out of paper towels and/or toilet paper even though we're all super good at stocking up?" "Why do all music lyric sites have 500 pop-up ads?" etc. No seriously, there are other good ones I promise. All up in the ol' noggin. Tick-tock.

Soon my face will be on every magazine
and then my voice will be on every frequency
take my heart while you're at it
why don't you sign me up to sell me out,
Hard core superstar by far you're the ultimate star,
Hard core superstar by far, you're the ultimate star,
Do you wanna be a superstar?

Do you wanna be a superstar?
I am my angel 'til death I do
I saw my first angel and it was you.
-Tegan & Sara, "Superstar"

Oh, you know what. False alarm. One more question:

0. Does Anyone Feel that "Serving Size" is an adequate serving?

I know why serving sizes are oriented as they are, obvs, as my mother was a professional Nutritionist and I know way more about food, nutrition, the food pyramid, calories, diets, carbohydrates, food groups, vitamins, low-fat cooking etc., than I ought to, but I feel like the word "serving" is misleading, and it annoys me when the lady & fitness mags try to "remind" you how big a serving size is, as if that's the source of your dietary issues--going over a palm-sized amount of chicken -- as if that's actually an adequate amount of food for anyone over the age of 8 months to consume. Also, I think I use too much coffee, because I seem to go through a bag of coffee and a thing of creamer in like, three days, and I only make coffee in the morning, the rest of the day I go to D2. That's all, fo'real.

Seriously. Srsly.

30 comments:

Lozo said...

i read the last post, and i was all, "i'm never the first comment. what the hell is marie talking about?"

then, bam! my luck is changing for the better every day.

Lozo said...

i don't know much about serving sizes, but i think fun size is the most retarded description ever. except for that time i heard a retard call a bird "tall." boy was that retarded.

but what is fun about something that is smaller than average? take my penis. please. this joke is so obvious i'm not finishing it.

i don't know about yelling at girls on the street. at least not for sexual purposes. i'll yell, "that sweater looks fat on you," but that's only because i'm a bastard.

my gym has the same problems. but i think my machines creak because of all that fat people there.

Lozo said...

suck my typo.

riese said...

lozo: Actually, that's probs true about the commenting, but I feel like you're usually in the top 5. I remember I think once you were the first. Clearly, it's only been Tuesday for like, 61 minutes, and your day has already changed for the "better," which's a really good way to start. I don't know. Usually "what the hell is marie talking about?" is a safe mystery of life though.

Maybe it's a catch-22 with the gym and the fat people, you know? Or like, a self-perpetuating something. What's that called. Mystery.

Oh, also I heart fun sizes. I'm just not delusional about how long the fun is gonna last.

Lozo said...

i like that you edit your own comments.

i think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. like, a psychic saw that fat people would fulfill themselves with donuts, then go to my gym.

Crystal said...

I read The Devil Wears Prada. I also saw the movie. I may or may not own both the book and the DVD. Was that rhetorical? Have I just killed our friendship? Sometimes I think I'd be a lot cooler if I didn't comment.

stef said...

i would like to meet ONE couple, just ONE happily married couple who met because the guy yelled at the girl while she was walking somewhere. it's fucking predatory and it's scary. a guy followed me to the train station tonight btw and scared the living shit out of me. he wasn't nearly as friendly and pleasant as the guy at the juice bar, who may or may not be offering me free samples of what probs will turn out to be human juice IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

but it's fucking SCARY, okay? i hate it. sometimes if it's daylight and crowded i will flip the guy off, but alone at night in an unfamiliar place? fuck THAT.

also here's what short hair's done for me - i think i told you this story. a few weeks ago i was walking down 2nd ave with a female friend and a guy yelled "GOD I LOVE WOMEN WHO LOVE PUSSY COS THEY LIKE THE SAAAAME THING I DO!" enter round two of my complex about my hat. fuckin a.

i don't have a gym, who can afford gyms? when i want to get in shape, i quit eating. i'm an american girl, obvs.

everybody told me the devil wears prada read like i had written it, and other than it involving a lot of bitching about a crappy boss i failed to see the connection. the movie was alright. i hate chick lit.

LMC said...

I tried to read The Devil Wears Prada, but couldn't get into it cuz it was boring and also badly written. The movie was okay, I think, unmemorable except I remember not hating Anne Hathaway as much as I usually do. Or maybe that was in Becoming Jane? Damn Anne Hathaway is everywhere.

I don't understand The Hills either! Mostly it's because I can't tell those bitches apart, and I just end up wondering if they're doing some kinda soap opera double cast trick to make the same girl appear in double. I'm not sure I articulated that right.

Re: guys who yell at girls. This is never attractive. If it's not creepy it's pathetic, and if they're not scary, I will totes (OMG, I've been reading this blog for like a week and it's infected me already!) make fun of their ugly loser asses. Ahem. Even creepier? Guys who drive by and yell at you out the window, because that always makes me think "Oh dear Lord, they're going to drive by rape me."

riese said...

lozo: Yes, that's it. I just read this Gawker story about this NY Times story about how commenting has become an art form of some sort, did you read this? It's so weird, and totes meta.

*

crystal: Great movie, terrible book -- I'll tell you why i feel this way someday, and I rarely will ever state, like hands down bad book. Just this one. And um, "Pure" by Rachel Ray. I listened to it on audio while driving cross country and I wanted to break Rachel Leigh Cook's adorable little face.

Anyhow, I realised yesterday that I get on with people a lot more when I'm not exactly like them, like it dawned on me that I don't have one friend who is the same as me, into the same stuff, has the same opinions etc.

Also, no one is cooler by not commenting.

*

stef: You could have ended that sentence after the second usage of the word "couple," in fact, I thought you would.

Maybe it was the guy at the juice bar following you. I agree, don't flick people off at night. I just wear baggy clothes and a hat and try to walk like a boy. If it doesn't work, people probs just think I'm retarded, and then they're probs like, I doubt anyone gave the retarded girl any money, lets mug someone else, you know?

*

LMC: Haha, you said totes.

I wonder what a drive by rape would be like.

That's true, those girls all look the same. Something about it just felt wrong to me, I didn't even pay attention long enough to notice they're all clones kinda. Like Stepford, kinda, or something.

Oo Lynnie oO said...

i have weird dreams too. do you ever feel like your watching your dream happen but you're also involved in it at the same time...and all you can think is "wtf?!" and then you wake up and yet again you're thinking "wtf?!". like the time i was a child actor on full house and my friends found out after years of me keeping it a secret. (i wish that were true)

also, i don't understand your #1 about NOT being Massively Faboulous...bc you totes are!

Adam said...

re: #4

I'm guessing it coincided with when you were last dating men?


God...that's twice in the last week I've taken the easy one...first Stef's underwear nachos, now this...

someday I'll say something that's actually clever, just you wait!

cait said...

#5 also happens more often in your neighborhood due to the fact that there are more people outside than inside. clearly i can't get past this, it's just like nothing i've experienced before.

#1- so true. listening to haviland randomly sing about siamese twins in between snips i really thought, how is this person not starring in something, somewhere.

rocketdyke said...

men yell at women on the street because they have been raised with a sense of entitlement that makes them feel that they can impose any feeling they are having onto any woman at any time. which is LAME and very upsetting.

also, if you are having a problem with the phone bill thing, you can just email me and i will send my snail mail address, if you have a copy of the bill. we could be like penpals.

also, i go to the y for the gym. my y is pretty nice, but i dont know if every y is so nice. they usually have a pool, which is key. and the y is totally cheap, its about $50 a month for single person, and they totally have no problem signing up lesbian couples under the family rate, which is even cheaper and totally nice of them.

goneundercover said...

absolutely fabulous. yes.

Jaime said...

I don't hate NYSC that much. I hate their 41st St gym, because it's completely decrepit, and all the machines are five years older than my old home-gym, on the UES, or even Harlem. I like the Harlem NYSC a lot, though. There's that awesome trainer who looks like Ice Cube (Ice-T?) always making the white kids do awfully painful-looking things on a swiss ball, and I enjoy that. I also enjoy the open floorplan. And soon I will try out the brand new 145th St NYSC. I mean, seriously, personal TVs at every machine? In Harlem they even have Bravo!

I was going to write other things, but that was way too long a paragraph on the gym. But also, the hand soap in the NYSC bathrooms smells delicious.

stef said...

look! you're 26!

WORD VERI IS FXCKJ.
j being "juice bar guy."

ABeos said...

re #1, you make complete sense. there are a lot of "its" that i want, but really i want the stability of knowing what "it" is and being able to say i do "it". thanks for putting that into a coherent thought. as irrational as you may have thought it to be, i think it clarified a lot on my side.

brilliant. and you know what is also brilliant? ab fab. which you mention. word.

Madey said...

Guess what haters? I tivo’d The Hills last night and watched it FIRST thing this morning. And guess what else? It was great, per usual.

Not that any of you barely-literate neanderthals have the capacity to appreciate a show this intricate and sophisticated, but here’s what you’re missing (if you can bear to put down that “New York Magazine” smut for two seconds):

1.) Brody Jenner has “JENNER” tattooed down his side. If this isn’t brilliant then why does every book on the planet do the same thing?
2.) Raise your hand if you’re enthralled by cocaine-fueled, emotionally abusive relationships. Just me? That’s fair. How bout cocaine-fueled, emotionally abusive relationships with a Timbaland soundtrack? Jesus, look at all those hands.
3.) This week, Elodie told Heidi that she would cover for her at work, but then quit without telling her. Newsflash: we are currently plotting the EXACT same shakedown at my job except the setup is far more complex (three months in the making), the target is far more unsuspecting, and the fallout is going to be nuclear, not just bitchy. And five minutes of reality television has shown that it’s going to be totally worth it.
4.) Lauren has dated and broken up with the same guy all three seasons. So if you liked the first season, you’re guaranteed satisfaction for the whole series. If only The L Word could be so reliable.
5.) WHO STARTED THE SEX TAPE RUMORS?!?! WHO, GOD, WHO?????

My gym fucking rules!

P.S. I watched the Brazil game last week and NO ONE looked like that. Like, I had to look away at some points.

riese said...

lynnie: Yes, I do. It's hard to know when the "wtfs" end and real life begins.
*
adam: I'd like to take this chance to quote Emily Saliers of famous band "The Indigo Girls," who once said "You've gotta laugh at yourself, 'cause you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't." Or something along those lines.

*

cait: It's sort of quaint how it's nothing like anything you've experienced before. Sparlem was pretty bad too, I gotta say. There was the dead guy on the street and everything. I'm thinking Haviland could be a major player in the 60th Annual Kings County Tony Awards. Possibly. Her neighborhood is also bad, because there are always people running around districting garmets or whathaveyou.

*

rocketdyke: Oh, I can't find them anywhere. Obviously my lack of speed in handling this issue is indicative of larger problems in these areas. I will, eventually. I'll send you the things I do have I think I figured it out tonight. I'm a little scatterbrained.

I don't think there's a Y near here. Besides, I'd miss the teevees. I probs shoulda mentioned that that part of it isn't so bad.

*

gu: word.

*

jaime: Yeah, I mean, the Harlem one is nicer than any of the other ones I've been to, it's my favorite of all the ones in the city. But do you notice the creaky machines? No? Just me? OK. It's better than the UES side ones, fo'sho, also I should've mentioned the teevees, I like that. Bravo. Do you think it's funny that the UES gets VH1 and the Harlem one gets BET? 'Cause I do. Also like the floorplan. I just feel like for $90/month, we should have like, at least functional machines, u know? Like, I expect perfection for that cost. Maybe I don't know how money works.

*

stef: YES! Best admin assistant ever.

*

abeos: You're welcome. And word-word.

*

madey: I didn't know there were cocaine-fueled emotionally abusive relationships involved. Those are my favorite kind. But see, already I'm more interested in your story about your work shakedown than Heidi and Elodie's.

What sex tape rumors?

See, this is just proof of one thing, I am living in an actual cave, with my magazines, and my seltzer.

Nah, I still hate that show. I feel like I went to college with girls like that, and they sorta annoyed me. I don't actually know what I'm talking about. I don't watch any tv shows, so I'm more or less totally unqualified.

However, you make a compelling case. Especially about the cocaine and the relationships.

The Spaz said...

I like to yell at men on the street. Especially when I'm drunk. I'm a heckler so they aren't especially come ons. I'm not happy unless my friends are apologizing for me and dragging me away before I start a fight.

I think of it as evening the balance. Actually I don't really think of it as anything but bad behaviour and too much hooch. I'll only single out men who look at me though, not random passersby.

dorothy said...

Seriously I still can't figure out why the kozmo.com did not survive. Who doesn't want movies, music, and ice cream delivered right to their door 24/7. Folks are weird.

Razia said...

I think the allure of Patsy and Eddie is that fact that they're so fabulous that they're oblivious to whether or not anyone agrees with them. Some might call this delusional, I think it's super fab.

Also, this is probably going to be the last time I comment on this because I'm starting to feel like a prepubescent boy but re the brazilian soccer team: Thanks.

riese said...

the spaz: Yeah sometimes I yell back. I used to always yell back, and once I was with my aunt and my cousin from ohio, the obligatory like "look at this hell i live in,"trip to my apartment, and we were all dressed for a wedding and some dude yelled at us and I just yelled back "Thank you so much!" and my aunt was like "Marie, don't do that, that encourages them," but you know what, I think it doesn't. If they wanted a woman who talked back, they'd pick a different method of picking women up, methinks. Anyway, I think women should yell at men, that would even it out and make it better. And funny. Except the men would probably stop and be like "whats up, wanna hang out?" which would be super funny.

*

dorothy: THANK YOU. And also, to bring this all back around; New York Magazine had an article this week about a new kozmo-esque delivery system and mentioned, as a sort of sidenote, that right now they only deliver like, below 23rd street in manhattan. I'm not entirely sure how that's much different from all the little delis they have down there or whatnot. I'm looking for something that will bring me ice cream and movies uptown. Sigh.

*

Razia: I know, and, much like us, we also believe that these things we say that no one believes in are genius and oughtta be written down. And no worries about being "like a" prepubescent boy, I feel like that when I do recaps. Like, over and over, and over, and over, and over. [cue beavis & butthead noises now]

haviland said...

1. Lozo's logo is fantastic!

2. Thanks Cait! Sometimes I do star in things, but the L Word (or something even better ) would be preferable to the current state.

3. I heart my gym -- I feel like I should plug it, but that would take the fun out of the point system of finding me in NY. I'll just say this: Craig Ramsay goes there, too, and it's very inspiring.

:)

Madey said...

Though your interest is greatly appreciated, only direct operatives are privy to the details of Operation Beached Whale. All I can divulge is that it’s going to be a VERY sandy Christmas for someone who very much has it coming.

Regulators, mount up.

rocketdyke said...

ok, today i have achieved #1 - i am massively fabulous. in the space of my lunch hour, i had a job interview, was offered a job, and accepted, thereby gaining an automatic-raise of about $20k for basically doing exactly what i do now (which i really like doing) for people who seem to have a better grasp on their law firm as a business than my current employers, plus i am guaranteed much better auto-raises in the future than i would otherwise be getting.

srsly. yay me.
if this is ANY indication of what i can do for your phone bill, you are IN LUCK, my friend.

dorothy said...

Wow- an all caps thank you for support of the kozmo.com conundrum. Wonder what a girl can get for supporting the bigger mysteries of life e.g. world hunger or child abuse?

or

Understood. You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

my city (phoenix) sucks and regularly hits 115 degrees F in the summer, but seriously gyms are crazy cheap. I pay $23 a month for LA Fitness and get free spinning class. its cheaper than i pay for a week of coffee. i guess because its way to hot to actually work out outside.

pali

Ms. Jackson said...

Which Rilo Kiley song are you referring to?? Just curious.

riese said...

Haviland: Um, you're the star of my life. Also, kinda funny, seeing as you're starring in Les Mis this week.

*

madey: If I was a regulator, I'd say: "mounted, captain."

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rd: congrats! The same thing happened to me because the rate for crack went up today. Who knew?

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dorothy: There is very little in the world I mourn more than kozmo.com. If I had the start-up, I'd quit writing right now and re-launch it. Maybe i should.

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anonymous: We have free classes too, but I got scared of going to them, though I used to attend classes almost every day. It's something about being trapped in a room w/o a magazine.

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ms.jackson: Spectacular Views, I think.