Friday, April 11, 2008

So Watch Your Head and Then Watch The Ground, It's a Silly Time to Learn to Swim

Though I honestly never sat through/paid attention to/understood The Matrix and therefore never grasped its widespread appeal, I frequently employ "there's a glitch in the matrix" to describe how life's going. E.g., this week. April is the cruelest month ... and so on. Disclaimer: I've been a little feverish for a few days now. I might just be talking crazy.

Life today isn't all that similar to life a week ago. Things keep happening that don't make sense, that seem wildly inappropriate, inspiring metaphors about being underwater and existing inside giant cottonballs.

Yesterday: my head felt like the moment the jets turn off in a hot tub ... a durrrrring pool of disappointed/subdued dumb bare skin. I didn't even do auto-fun! There's auto-fun in this post though, it's at the bottom, and footnoted throughout. I'm playing with it.

Does this happen every late March/early April? Last year, my entire life fell apart in about four days. In '06, I lost Lo & gained Haviland. '04: his other girlfriend & I paid him a surprise visit to tell him what we knew, '03 I fell head-over-heels for him in the first place. But those events (which ultimately in the scheme of things are fundamentally unimportant, as concentrated and personal as they are) aren't what I'm talking about --

it's more like when you walk outside and feel like everyone else outside has been transported to earth just that very morning, and you're still fumbling about like you've lived here for years.

Maybe we're still stuck on semesters, compelled to begin transition this time of year. I still call the last two weeks of December "winter break."

Some people I once knew seem so far underwater that I'm fairly certain even if I strapped on an oxygen tank and got all deep sea diver about it, I'd probs just hit my head on a coral reef (I can keep going with this metaphor ALL DAY, all night, watch me go!) or get hugged by a dolphin (yeah! That's my way of saying "this can be good or bad or neither." Dolphins! Manatees! I speak the secret language!)

And then; the most random people showing up in my inbox. Or on my facebook ... (1).

Yesterday I couldn't think/update (synonyms, maybe) 'cause it was my fourth morning running on no sleep 'cause every morning I'd been woken up by this noise, which I so kindly recorded for you because I am: 1. insane, 2. bitter:

boomp3.com


So I figured I'd do the things I'm usually too anxious to sit still and do: I got my hair did by a trannie named Mariah from Texas. Now I look like a Bobsey Twin, which's fine (I've just been avoiding mirrors). I'd like to solve some mysteries or whatever it is that they did, first mystery: wtf?

Yesterday's weather was impossibly, aggressively sunshiney. I've been waking up from crazy dreams and then lying in bed for impossibly, aggressively long periods of post-dream reckoning -- the things that happen in my subconscious battle reality for possible truths. (Also, duende. (2))

You have plans, or something to say, and then a whole day passes where you have nothing at all whatsoever to say in a way that feels selfish and stark. Sometimes circumstances get you down (3), sometimes you wanna stop (4), but luckily I am a compulsive over-share-er and cannot ever stop (5). Obviously. I must breathe, blog, pay taxes ... (except that I just realized, err, I haven't paid taxes. Maybe I should. I think I'll contribute to the purchase of one soldier's pair of socks. Ideally, a schoolbook, but let's be real here, this be George W country.)

So my swamp-turtle mind felt the world recognized my silence and responded in kind -- my Blackberry was a little, silent turtle with nothing to share. Then I accidentally dropped it, turned it back on, and it exploded with everything I'd received that morning and afternoon at once. Also it's deleting messages at random.

Also a stranger just called me and left a voice mail recording of the news announcing airline-related information. An accented voice goes: "Hello? Hello?"

Last night was the book party for Dirty Girls at Sutra (6) (6a) (6b) ... I managed to rally for about three hours before feeling feverish again. For the first of those three hours, Alex and I got lost somewhere between chinatown, soho, the lower east side, the east village, and bangladesh. Luckily I like to walk. (7)

(Next week! "In the Flesh" at Happy Endings Lounge!)

**

The first glitch experience happened in 2000 -- it started when all my tips from an eight-hour lunch shift at The Olive Garden were stolen, meaning I'd just served approximately 545 unlimited soup salad & breadsticks lunches for fun, which's funny in that not-funny-at-all way. I came home to find roommate Sarah in a hot panic -- she'd just done the same thing w/her Blue Water Grill Lunch money, couldn't find it.

So what do I do -- I meet Meg at a The Columbia Cottage (Chinese, uptown, free wine) to drink 'til I forget about it, then jet to Times Sqaure to see The Matrix with a boy, paying just enough attention to grasp the glitch concept and then therefore apply it immediately.

"What are we doing?" The boy asks as he walks me home.

"What are you talking about?"

"You and me, what are you doing," he asks. "I'm 27, I don't play games."

About twenty blocks later he kisses me. (Reader: I'm nearly 27. Do I still play games? Did I then?) I sit on the steps and wonder how that happened & what I'm doing.

The next day : still woozy. Woozier still when Sarah & I choose a champagne brunch ("Are you celebrating something?" Um, yes, being served though we're only 18? But instead, this raw deal: we toast "To the future!"). 3 P.M. hits and I'm napping.

Apparently I'm still woozy when I wake up @ 6 p.m. and buy a plane ticket to Paris for no reason.

Ryan calls; he's fucked up an audition, this never happens, he feels disoriented and confused and do I want dinner before our friend's birthday party? I do, we do, and circa midnight, Ryan and I actually fall asleep on a couch in the pulsing downtown nightclub Roxy. We wake up confused, he wants another drink and I don't so we squabble and I flee home. Sarah's there.

"What are we doing?" Sarah asks.

"What are you talking about?" I respond.

"With our LIVES," she responds, but I know. I already know. We're college dropouts. We serve bad food, lose our money, sleep & drink. Her harp collects dust in the corner. I sometimes use my laptop for AIM, when the dial-up's working. What happened to all the self-important yearnings we had in boarding school, still so fresh on our sad young literary tongues? (8)

Later, I'm lying forlornly on my bottom bunk when Ryan arrives home and joins me (his bunk assignment is "top"). We apologize for fighting over nothing. He tells me about his fruitless gay bar hopping and flavored martinis.

"What are you doing?" He asks. Like, why am I so often sick? Why all the throwing up, all the almost fainting starry-eyed surprises? Why aren't I reading enough? He then tells me everything I'd ever wondered about, like what happened (with us) in high school (what were we doing? trying to be straight?). He answers all the questions I'd never have asked and then he gets to the point ... the real secret is: he loves me so much that he even admires me, and he demands I do more. Admires me? Why?

I tell him: "I don't know what I'm doing."

He knows: I'm serving Fettucine Alfredo, kissing boys who don't read books, sleeping mid-day and buying plane tickets to Paris just to see if I can (I can).

"You need to take yourself seriously," he says.

Across the street, The Beacon Theater's back doors extract happy, solid, stable people. Though I suppose they'd probs think the same things we'd been thinking if they'd seen us from their window: "Those people are happy, and know what they're doing."

But we don't.

For the first time since dropping out and moving to the city with Sarah (who has her own room), Ryan and I sleep together in the same bed of our bunkbed. It's a tiny thing, but we sleep like angels. (9)

**

I think they finished drilling the holes in my sidewalk, finally, so I slept last night.

I'm pretty sure my stomach is lined with something toxic like rubber (and you are glue, which is why everything we both eat bounces off me and sticks to you).

I considered the master cleanse, 'cause I feel like there's just something off inside me, but the way it was described to me made it sound like it'd probs make my ass bleed more than a night at Babylon with Brian Kinney (yeah, I said it). Also I think I said I wanted to do it when Stef did it and Cait said "Don't do it!" and I said, "okay."

I went to the cheap Chinese massage place yesterday, which's like China, only smaller. I was too in the zone to even think about the thin curtains and the other people, the lack of privacy. I honestly just wanted to lie there forever, as it seemed to be the only place on earth that might demand nothing from me. Simply by lying completely still, I was doing my part.

Basically, here's the symptoms: hot flashes, nausea/vomiting, cravings for strange foods, inexplicable breast growth (without the corresponding overall body-growth), sluggishness, moodiness ... possibly I'm preggers, which'd be impossible unless on the off chance that I am, in fact, Marie Magda-Lyn. For all you heathens out there, that's a reference to the Immaculate Conception. Not to be confused with The Immaculate Collection, Madonna's best album.

I like this poem. (10).

quote: "When I think about it like this, I can't help asking myself, "Where is there any logical consistency in the world?" I don't know -- maybe the world has two different kinds of people, and for one kind the world is this completely logical, rice pudding place, and for the other it's all hit-or-miss macaroni gratin. I bet if those tree frog parents of mine put rice pudding mix in the microwave and got macaroni gratin when the bell rang, they'd just tell themselves, 'Oh, we must have put in macaroni gratin by mistake, or they'd take out the macaroni gratin and try to convince themselves, 'This looks like macaroni gratin, but actually it's rice pudding. And if I tried to be nice and explain to them that sometimes, when you put in rice pudding mix, you get macaroni gratin, they would never believe me. They'd probably just get mad." (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles)

links:
1) Facebook Gets Frisky With Your Most Feared "Friends" (@ny observer)
2) Peggy Munson writes a playlist to her poetry book (@largehearted boy)
3) Dan Savage: "I just fucking can't." "At a Loss" (@the stranger)
4) Emily, formerly of Gawker, does an Obituary for Personal Blogs (@guilt & pleasure)
5) Your Guide to Internet Oversharers (@gawker)
6) Babeland says that my story had them at hello, which makes me feel special/glad to be the first story in the book. (@babeland @dirty girls virtual book tour)
7) Converse Turns 100 (@the smart set)
8) Why Does it Take So Long to Grow Up? (@The American Scientist Online)
9) Prologue to "All the Sad Young Literary Men" (@n+1)
10) Embarrassment, by Brenda Shaughnessy (@poems.com)

I was asked to "claim" my profile by posting this link:
Check out my Blogebrity profile!
(Of course, now that I have, I've started caring. Which is surely a symptom of something parasitic.)

32 comments:

stef said...

hey - i liked the auto-fun referenced throughout and then at the bottom.. it was like footnotes, and involved actual blogging. please do that more often?

ok, PLEASE DO NOT DO THE MASTER CLEANSE. you will:
a) die: you weigh like four pounds to begin with. i lost somewhere between 8 and 12 lbs in TEN DAYS. i am afraid to weigh myself to see how much came back as i have not stopped stuffing my face since then, but it was a FUCKING WEIRD EXPERIENCE and you will be a walking skeleton which (while very goth) is not ok.
b) be very afraid of your own digestive tract.. although it is helpful that you don't often leave the house. i need not frighten you with details. brian kinney will be the least of your worries. it may have a profound effect on your diet though, which is positive.. i can't imagine how much scarier this would have been if i ate meat or dairy.
c) be SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF and depressed ALL THE TIME. like, you will be a walking firemonster of rage.
it's like yom kippur for ten days, only you don't have to go to synagogue; instead, you can sit around and read menupages and drool all day.

the lemonade is kind of delicious though... i still have a jug of grade b maple syrup i'd donate to the cause if necessary.

my fucked up month is always july... cancer, death, unfortunate romances - every year without fail. i feel like these are months that are supposed to be very optimistic.

riese said...

stef Firstly, I love anything that starts with "a)die."

No really, I think I was un-sold when I learned it was 10 days long. I'm looking for something more like 48 hours. I fasted for three days once, I found it mostly bearable but then ate a lot of pizza which was unbearable.

How'd you keep going though if it was so terrible? Is it because you listen to rock music and wear eyeliner and sunscreen? I feel like I already am a firemonster of rage and depression a lot of the time.

Though it'd make for a very interesting reading ...

a;ex said...

Thanks for subjecting us all to the obnoxious (and totally unacceptable) drilling outside your window. It's shenanigans like this that keep me coming back to your blog for more.

I can't believe we got lost. I can't believe I'm a native New Yorker. Also, we had a GPS.
Whatever - we are creatures of the underworld and etc and so on and so forth...

A. said...

My fucked up month is normally March... which has somehow also taken over April this year as well.

I have this incredible urge just to drop everything, pack a suitcase, cut off my phone and move at least an 8 hour plane ride away. All this after recently signing a year-long contract at work, in which the 3-month probation is up THIS Sunday and then I'm stuck. For a fucking year, grasping for a dream I never really intended to have.

Way to make me think about buying a plane ticket to Paris.

Oo Lynnie oO said...

This post reminds me of my best friend. Well, me too...like alot, it's strange. I feel like everyday we ask eachother 'what are we doing with our lives?!' / 'why are we even in college?!'..though the college thought doesn't apply to you haha.

We often make immaculate conception theories in connection with her inexplicable bodily symptoms. This might have something to do with our Catholic upbringing. 'Abstinence...works 99.9% of the time!' ...thank you facebook bumper stickers for that one.

I feel your no sleep pain...about every night last week, for about 8 hours (which would usually be used for a healthy normal sleep by a healthy normal person)...i would use that time to lay down, crawl into my head, and wreck havoc on myself until the rest of the apartment would start waking up and i was reminded there was functioning life outside my batcave of a room.

"You have plans, or something to say, and then a whole day passes where you have nothing
at all whatsoever to say in a way that feels selfish and stark." ...word.

Anonymous said...

(1)Sounds like you've got a hint of the Little Prince syndrome. It'll pass.

(2)Manatees are just dolphins in manatee costumes.

(3) Your insomnia reminds me of a joke someone recently threw my way: INSOMNIA — because everyone needs a psychotic break.

(4)The drill is the sound of the duende laughing.

(5)Income tax is unconstitutional. Literally.

(6)Bunking angels. Nice.

(7)Where I come from Chinese massage reeks of Thai overtones.

(8)Inexplicable breast growth? Ahem. Chinese massage.

(9)Orange tic-tac. Have one. On me.

(10)I la-la-love that poem. And Brenda Shaughnessy. Check out more of her stuff.

Julia said...

It's always nice to know that people out there also have their month(s).
I, myself, am selfish and have two, March and October. It's either tied to the changing of the seasons, or the slump that occurs mid-college semester. I tend to get horribly homesick, want to drop out of college, and then decide to rewatch all five seasons of Queer as Folk.
I'm going to test this hypothesis once I graduate next December. If I still feel like shit come March, I'm packing my bags and getting the fuck out of Michigan.

stephanie w said...

there are nicer cleanses for you.. like straight up organic juice fasts and www.drnatura.com
you can eat food on the dr natura cleanse!

thursday!

jenn said...

hay lady,
first off why do u feel the need to justify the fact u have not blogged?? there is no reason, im sure the people that read this blog understand or even know you well enuf to get it, i dont know you at all (apart from reading this page)and i dont exspect it!!
give youre self an easier time and stop thinking so much,some times it can pain youre brain!!!
i know you are not guna take this inn and apply it but hay all comments count!!!
plus if it helps my bad months have been the last 36, but to every body else "im fine" that sometimes is a good thing we all need to escape!! but some how we have the need to please too!
asper this will make no sense, im off to google for USA holidays cos the company i booked my dream holiday with has gone bust and i just lost my £1.500!! but hay at laeste i have that $1.400 i was saving for semi, should help a bit!! there is always a silver lineing!!!
tooodle pips!!

stef said...

yeah, it was mostly the sunblock, although the eyeliner and rock'n'roll helped.. no seriously - i already told everybody i was doing it and made a big freakin deal about it, and felt like if i wussed out everybody would know i was a failure. i am NOT a failure! i have the heart of a champion! also, i lost a lot of weight, and i'm a girl, and i got a lot of compliments. i'm not proud of that last part.

and seriously, as much of a firemonster as i am on a day-to-day basis, i was ten times the firemonster on the cleanse.

Jaime said...

That's a really beautiful post. It makes me want to have bunkbeds, for it to be summer, for me to have honest conversations in bunkbeds, or in summer, or anywhere.

Leah said...

So, when I just found out that youre almost 27, I was happy because you look younger than that and Im trying to be a grown-up and associate with people my age instead of partying, club-hopping 22 year olds, which I find myself coming across wayyy too often. So yeah!, I love your blog that much more:)
DO THE MASTER CLEANSE! I dont think you will, but I did and loved it. Its a fresh start as far as your diet cause when youre done you can eliminate anything you want forever! I stopped red meat after my last Cleanse, and its been about a year now. Its pretty tough, but you feel so good, I swear, do it right and you have so much energy by day 5 that you wont wanna stop! #1 thing, though: be mentally prepared, or youll cave by night 1. If you arent sold on the idea, wait it out til you are.
My month is June, its always had to do with being away from school and on my own for summer. September has always made my heart ache cuz I have no more school to go back to. Haha, nerd I guess.

Ms. Jackson said...

Oh man, I thought I had it bad waking up to the same Chris Brown(I think that's his name) song every morning on my clock radio. If I had to wake up to the horrible sound, I probably would've walked down and asked them to put the drill to my head to put me out of my misery. Not really though, but the thought would've crossed my mind.

On another note, there is an 87% chance that I'll be in attendance on Thursday.....hmmmm, maybe closer to 89%.

Haviland Stillwell said...

the master cleanse is straight up sugar water for 10 days...i haven't done this, but have heard wonderful things about blessedherbs.com -- but yeah, ew.

great blog today, kiddo.

amlisdabomb said...

hey, maybe to make your april a little bit brighter:

You know what would be embarrassing? Having your head.

I couldn't stop laughing.

dani said...

riese,
reading your post made me feel depressive and I really felt for you and for a little second I wanted to do this hugging-someone-naked-thing. My april started really shitty too, so I felt connected with you through feelings like teariness, anger, depression, perplexity and so on...
BUT: by the end of your post the "Marie Magda Lyn" - thing made me laugh... you cracked me... so: thank you!
you made my day (once again)

supr said...

first of all im de-runk

second of all, i read ev erything byt the autofun, but with convos in beteween, and all i have to ay is.. god i love you

this was amazing. i look forward t oreadying it ober but i enjoyed it intoxicated as well. there were naby things i wanted to say but stupid ppl got in my brain span.. maybe ill comment tomorrow ..to apologixe for this.. too many dot dots. i rememb er thinging, god i love , you know, HER, but i gota read this agian. stupid.

dodgeball kicks anchoemans ass.. i doubt youve seen either, but dodgeballs on tv right nopw, and just for the record,i would never tell you you werent a opirate.

agian, im sorry. but you and your ppl are great. especially semi, but Especially haviland. but ESECIALLY you. no off3cnce to alex, cz especially her. ovr and oa ver agani. de-runk. sorry

e. said...

Beautiful post today. I'm so sorry you're sick (not only for selfish reasons, either). Personally, I tend to find extreme nausea rather distracting, and resultantly am awed by your ability to blog through the barfy-ness. Also glad that drilling finally stopped; in my imagination, that's what spiraling down into the Inferno sounds like.

I like the autofun an awful lot today, too. And your Immaculate Conception pun? So much love.

PS, word to supr's comment. (I'm not drunk, obvs, but if I were, I like to think that's basically what I would have written. Plus, stupid ppl are always getting in my brain span.)

Peach said...

hello, I like the links and stuff at the end, much easier reading and referencing - I love that poem. I didn't know what teleology was and have spent the past half hour reading about it. It is Saturday morning and you have educated me when usually I would be snoring.

Think the symptoms are intense PMT btw.

X

Anonymous said...

Life today isn't all that similar to life a week ago. Things keep happening that don't make sense, that seem wildly inappropriate, inspiring metaphors about being underwater and existing inside giant cottonballs.

amen. thank you for this. if i had more words to say, i would add them here, but i don't, so i won't.

riese said...

dearest supr.

I have many response comments for everyone which I'll write here in somewhere between 20 minutes and several hours. But first I'd like to take a time out to tell supr that you ARE GREAT.

One day I'm going to go to the trophy store, 'cause I imagine there is one, and I'm going to get a trophy made out of string cheese and it will be called the Moonkiller Award, in honor of Moonkiller, who pioneered the art of the amazing drunk comment many moons ago at the tender young age of 15. Semicolon obviously will receive one. lk, for the great poetry slam of '07. And today, I would bestow this incredible gift upon you, and everyone would do a dance, and there would be confetti, and perhaps a choir of young maidens, singing earnestly towards the heavens while drinking boone's farm out of the bottle.

More later -- as I'm sure you can imagine, there are a lot of stupid ppl in my brain span.

Cheers.
Riese.

NEP said...

I feel your pain when it comes to being woken up by construction noise. I played your recording and was instantly transported back to my old apt in NYC. I lived across the street from condo construction and its cruel symphony of drilling/digging/bulldozing. I tried wearing earplugs (like Haviland's) but those tiny blue bits of styrofoam didn't help much. I just started going to bed as fucked up as possible to try and offset the noise with drugged/drunken unconsciousness. I also lived above a bar for awhile which was just as fun as construction except replace "drilling" with "drunk people singing Bon Jovi."

It also didn't help that I read this post wildly hungover and the drilling recording was in perfect time with the my head throbbing. I'm convinced there is a little man with a jackhammer up there. And he wants more vodka.

Hope you're feeling better than I am now.

Jess said...

I'm pretty sure my fucked up month is Spring. Or possibly just year round. Yuck.

I thought about doing the master cleanse too but then I read this woman's journal about it and she talked about why exactly it would make you afraid of your digestive system and I'd just prefer to keep my insides where they belong, really.

riese said...

a;ex: I KNOW. Thank G-d I figured out how to: 1) turn that into an mp3 to share online, 2) put a music player on my blog.

We are creatures of the underworld, we aren't meant to mingle with the other people who know where they're going. Also; children of the revolution.

a.: I don't think I've ever signed a year-long contract for anything besides an apartment, but the possibility of ripe eager subletters means I don't have to worry about it being real. I know what you mean but I couldn't ever fit all my belongings onto an eight hour plane ride, though eight-hour drives are always tempting. I was in Paris for two days; it worked --- I missed New York.

Oo Lynnie oO: Oh, college is something! That counts as doing something, fo'sho. I used to always suspect a Village of the Damned type situation. I'm the worst w/r/t insomnia ... which's why i take medication for it. So when I get woken up in the morning by a drill and can't fall back asleep, I just walk around all morning with the meds still in my system ...

anonymous: I want to learn French so I can say: On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux. Can I, then, be a manatee for Halloween if I am just a person in a dolphin costume? The massage place is called Magic Fingers. It is people like you that makes me wish blogger at least required the anonymous to take on a monkier. Yours could be Juno. My income tax is literally pennies, surely the paperwork isn't worth my time, or theirs. My Mom, though, seems to have interest in my accomplishing these papers. I just want H and R block to stop sending me emails. I need to know more about the Chinese massage you reference and really endorse here.

I've been checking out Shaughnessy for a few months now -- if you've got any leads on where I can find more, please share. I liked this on nerve.com, I think that's how I discovered her at first;

I'm Perfect at Feelings so I have no problem telling you / why you cried over the third lost metal or the mousetrap. I knew / that orgasm weren't your fault / and that feeling of keeping solid/ in yourself but wanting an ecstatic / black hole was just bad beauty."

Julia: I think I have April and September, which's strange 'cause those are the only two months with wheather I enjoy. Maybe that's why -- I actually participate in the world when transportation and outfits aren't as stressful as they are during months with more aggressive temperatures. QAF was on Logo tonight. Being sick give s me freedom to know this. Also I feel it's possible that's a good idea about getting the fuck out of Michigan. LIke, in general.

stephanie w: OOO! I'd like a nicer cleanse. We'll discuss. Worried of course now about sudden stopping of rx meds, which I think is required, as side effects of sudden withdrawal include suicide?
THURSDAY!

jenn: Well, I like to be reliable about the few things I'm usually reliable about -- I mean if I'm not keeping up on blogging, I'm probs not keeping up on anything else either. I think that not thinking is actually harder on my brain. But the other day when i got no sleep, I didn't think a wink, not a wink. toodle! Oh and don't worry, Semi talks a big game, but when it all comes down to it, she's a bargain for real.

stef: Well I for one did not think that you would make it. I believe I commented on your blog: stop it now. I think I've lost weight this week just from being sick and probs can't afford to shed any extra poundage. Though I would like to be ten time a firemonster.

jaime: Ours was made of a real black frame and we had it 'cause our room was too small for two beds but I miss the ones at camp and school where we could write and draw on the undersides and read what other people had read, and drawn.

leah: I like looking younger, really, that is kind of you to say. When I was younger, I had older friends. Now I'm older and except for Haviland all my friends are younger, some very younger. There's some hopping going on, too, of clubs and other things. My heart aches without school too. I don't think I'll do the master cleanse. I break down about everything come nightfall.

ms. jackson: I lied in bed considering the ethics of dropping a large stone out the window. then i wondered, if I killed one construction worker, would they just replace him, or would the noise cease for the whole morning? i couldn't decide, then my head hurt.
Yes! thursday!

haviland stillwell: as long as it's not aspertine water, I think I would enjoy it muchly. Blessed herbs sounds delightful, almost hallucinegenic.

amilsdabomb: FYI, having my head IS embarrassing.

dani: that's me i think, yes. sad/laugh/sad/laugh. I am depressive, I mean, it's my nature, but I like to laugh too. I think right now i'm in a place where i can do both of those things equally, possibly, maybe. At least ... here.

supr: first of all, see the comment i already wrote, just for you and only you, immediately upon waking up this morning. Secondly, these are my favorite parts of your comment:

"there were naby things i wanted to say but stupid ppl got in my brain span."

"i would never tell you you werent a opirate"
(first I thought it said "opiate" but then I got it and it's sooo much better this way.)

that you consistently wrote, in accurate venacular, "de-runk" twice, and, of course, the "e" is very close to the "3" key and, the whole last paragraph is really just golden.

e. I think that the inferno was built making driling noises like that one. Thank you! and thank you for being the first to recognize the stupid ppl getting into the brain span comment, I have a feeling this will not be the first time I employ it in my own speech. I'm mostly feeling better today, it comes i waves. (I've only been awake for four hours)

peach: I just looked up 'teleology' too, after hitting myself on the head for just breezing past it the first time. Is PMT like PMS, but British? 'Cause it's for sure not PMS ... like for sure. Unless "P" is "Post"? I could look this up too, but I can only look up one thing at a time and teleology is it now.

anonymous: I love you, and if I had more words to say, I would add them here, but I don't, so I won't.

nep: I always feel when hungover like there's an elephant pounding in my head. I remember this old school nyquill commercial with an apt metaphor, a fat man who got out of bed, rubbed his head and looked angrily at the camera, I wish I could remember what he said, I just remember the noise he made. I'm feeling better now, attacking some food to see how it settles. I never felt that earplugs helped much, and worried always that I'd miss my alarm. I also always have a fan on -- it's white noise, or my version of it.

jess: Maybe it's every month, is my new idea.
And furthermore, when Stef did it, she became a raging firemonster.

Crystal said...

I really like what you've done here, with the auto-fun. I really like everything you do.

This does happen every March/early April. Sometimes the other ten months are filled with nonsense, too.

I don't think you should Master Cleanse. I may have already mentioned this.

Ingrid said...

I'm currently drinking some kind of tea that promises a 'cleansing of the colon' and the packaging insists on no more than 6oz a day, no more than 10 days in a row. And I tell you, I AM feeling a little cleaner in the intestinal tract. The main ingredient is something called senna.

...aaaaaaand I just googled it. Turns out it's a stimulant laxative. I have been drinking laxative tea. Hello, this is what happens when you don't live in NY surrounded by people who can inform you about things, and instead, you live in Chicago and rarely leave the 10 block radius around your apartment and you wear pajamas between 7pm and 11am. You kids and your crazy east coast 20-something hiptastic cleansing. I'm so jealous.

NEP said...

wait, the one where he goes "OHHH MY ACHIN' SCHNOZ"?!

jenn said...

i dont realy remember posting that comment but thanx for the reply, like supr i was drunk, but supr that comment was supreme!!!
as a side note have u seen the fanart on the l word on line? OMG it is class it has just made my day, im guna be giggling to myself for days...classic!

riese said...

crystal: It's becoming a truth universally acknowledged that all months of the year are somewhat impossible, and furthermore, that no-one who knows & loves me recommends the Master Cleanse. I'm at peace with this, maybe.

ingrid: Is it called "smooth move"? 'Cause natalie used to drink that stuff like water, it always scared me. Once I had "Ballerina Tea," it made me jittery and, like most other things, sorta hungry. Also though, I live in NYC and rarely leave the 10 block radius around my apartment -- okay, 3 block radius really -- and wear pajamas around the clock except for, sometimes, a brief socialization period between, say, 5pm and 10pm. sooooo ya know.

nep: OMG it TOTALLY IS.

jenn: I haven't seen the fan art. OK, just looked, I love the avatars. Really, more than anything else I could ever catch at the Whitney Biennial, I love the fucking avatars. people are insane. W ait. JK. i wonder what it'd be like to go out with a girl and then come home to see giant paintings from the L word on their wall. I don't know how to feel about this, omg.

Anonymous said...

I <3 this post. Mondo.

jenn said...

i know OMG. think im guna print one out, frame it and place it on my bedside table by candle light. i will let u know how long it is before my girlfriend leaves me, if she dosn't then im goin!
my feeling of the day is fucking avatars??????????

Anonymous said...

i think how you think and feel is similar to many people. it just seems bleak cos you're so intelligent you managed to realise what everyone with remote self-awareness knows/should know deep down. to articulate it so well is what most strive for and you achieve. high five and shrug, you are a new age tragicomedianne.