Friday, June 29, 2007

Some Notable Lines: If You'd Been Waiting to See a Unicorn as Long as I Have....

Sidenote [there's nothing for it to be on the side of yet, as I've only just begun, but um, whatever.]: new auto-straddle.

Let's get on with it....

In 10th grade, all my bestest friends lined up two days in advance to get front row tickets for an Ani DiFranco concert ...

[See that? That's what I call a "good lede." Because I bet everyone who's reading this, especially the dwindling 20% audience share identifying as "male," is like "Oooo! Ani! LOVE HER."]

... but I didn't, because I didn't like her then [now I love her, LOVE HER], and when Drew'd crank up "Living in Clip" on his barely-breathing Volvo's tape deck, I'd groan and hold my hands to my glittered face [that's literal, the glitter], so clearly, I wasn't planning to attend her annoying concert, let alone wait in line for front row seats like they did. Also, Mom woulda never let me camp out all night with a bunch of hippie pot-smoking heteroflexible ambisexual teenage Ani DiFranco fans.

But it seems many humans enjoy nothing more than a good line, and, in fact, will willingly go out of their way to receive particular things ASAP (e.g., the new Harry Potter), to purchase The Best of said things (e.g., front row seats), hoping for a chance to win/earn something (e.g., a spot on a Reality TV show) or to get something rare/hard to find (e.g., Nintendo Wii) or for something ridiculously free or under-priced (e.g., 'Free Scoop Day' at Ben and Jerry's). The lines we're willing to endure reveal our true selves (not really, but I feel like making absurd grandiose generalizations today): Lord of the Rings? Beanie Babies? American Idol auditions? Madonna tickets? The privilege of paying $100 to trap oneself in to a small dingy cage and then get dropped from a great terrifying height?

A cell phone? With AT & T? The media gets really excited when people wait in line for things.

i-chat transcript, 6.25.07. On the "iPhone."

Me: People are gonna line up, they say.
Carly: Oh yes. I mean, they lined up for like, OS X 10.4, so can you imagine the chaos for the fucking phone?
Me: It's like the opposite of the bread lines in Russia and Lord of the Rings.
Carly: Which is why I'm waiting until like, Hanukkah, to get mine.
Me: I bet that's the first time you've been happy about having Cingular. Actually....I had that, they fucked me. Then I got Sprint, who also fucked me, and now I have T-Mobile, and they are also fucking me. It's like, really brutal.
Carly: I hate Sprint with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. I'm fine with at&t/cingular/at&t/whatever. I would hate to be brutally fucked by a phone.
Me: I know it'd be very phone-y and wide and awkward. Unless it was like an old school Nokia.
Carly: I am Loling.
Me: From like, '99.
Carly: Those wouldn't be as bad.
Me: Yeah, but like, a Sidekick? Ew.
Carly: Or a Blackberry? Jesus.
Me: It would be like being entered by an actual UFO, but a violent one like from Star Trek, or whatever.
Carly: Oh my God, Lol-ing for real.
Me: A RAZR would be bad, because it looks like it would have sharp sharp edges. You know? Like a razor.
Carly: Oh, I got that.
Me: RAZR=razor. Get it?
Carly: hahahahahha. I do.
Me: By "RAZOR" I mean... razor.

When I ventured to the apple store on Wednesday to retrieve a new keyboard and power cord for my sad little MacBookinstien, I noticed there were a lot of whackos outside on their lawn chairs. Probs their phones got stolen like mine did. However, I didn't wait in line for my DASH. Instead, I spent three days pondering the various dimensions of my misery and how glad I was no one could reach me, lest they be subjected to my whining. Then, ten days later, I decided that my boots were made for walkin', and that's just what I did, I walked on over to T-Mobile. What was I waiting for, those long psychologically challenging days in my bubble with my air conditioner and my broken t-key? I don't know. Probs Godot or An Answer.

I hate lines. [Really? Really Riese? You are such a unique and special snowflake.] That's why I hate Rite Aid, the gym after 5pm, popular restaurants, the apple store, H+M, the airport, Starbucks, Whole Foods, the doctor's office, amusement parks and Pathmark. I'd rather be hungry, thirsty and wearing last season's fashions than wait in line. JK. I just bring a book. And think to myself: "Why's everyone so stupid and I'm so smart? Why're none of these employees working at maximum efficiency? I could start my own restaurant, harvest my own potatoes, build a fryer, hire employees, peel and chop or whatever the potatoes and then train someone to fry them before I get to the front of this line at the alleged Express McDonald's." If it's running really poorly, I can't concentrate on my book, I can only seethe.

I never try things on because I can't wait in line for a dressing room. This's a problem.

Some Notable Lines:

The Community High School Line : When Community High School was founded in 1972, it had only two rules: "1. No smoking, except in the teacher-student lounge, 2. Wear shoes." It remains one of the few public "magnet"/"alternative" schools to endure from the left-wing-powered wave of hippie alternative schools that were popping around America back then. By 1989, applicants far outnumbered spots, and, following the first-come first-served policy, ambitious parents started lining up up to two weeks ahead of time to get in. In '95, my year, they attempted to solve this problem by not announcing the location of the line 'til three days before the application due date. The first 50 kids get in. The remaining 50 spots; selected via lottery. The waiting list was actually a very promising prospect, too, because a lot of CHS students'd become drug addicts and skip all their classes. 'Cause they could. Freedom, etc. "School with no walls." By the time I got in off the waiting list, I was already at boarding school. I was like, sorry bitches! My brother went there though. His year, it was all lottery, and he didn't get in at first but made it via waiting list.

Anyhow, in 8th grade, I made a documentary about "the line." I re-edited it today to make it shorter and less boring. I've described my hair in this phase of life as an Angela Chase bob with a Zach Morris hair flip. I shoulda just let it be. My Mom's hair is also awesome. YouTube is retarded, so I don't know if you can see my subtitle, but when my Dad is talking about our plan, look at Mom's coat in the background.

Apple Store Line: What a miracle that they've finally concocted a semi-efficient system at their new Fifth avenue store. I woke up at like, dawn, more than once to wait in Soho. To wait and wait again. And then more.

Forever 21 Line: With clothes so cool, it's no surprise the line's always 50 yards long. I've literally spent an hour there selecting Hot Fashions only to abandon them in the sunglasses bin mid-line, convinced it's not worth it. Also; when you finally get to the front, you're probs not 21 anymore because: 1. The line's literally 100 years long. Those faux-vintage rainbow-patterned short-shorts aren't gonna look hot on your varicosed legs so give up now, fossil. 2. If you're lucky enough to stand behind an under-21 customer and overhear any of their conversation [bla bla ttyl lol cell phone bla oral sex on the playground bladibla], you'll feel geriatric.

Vans Warped Tour Line: I remember this line because I wanted to kill my boyfriend for being so cranky when it was his idea to attend this G-dforsaken event in the first place. I don't remember why they made us line up, either. We already had tickets.

Whole Foods: The Chelsea outlet's got a really serious line system with line captains and lights. It works quite well. Howevs, it'd be better if they moved the brownie samples from the bakery area, where they're only accessible by patrons of the third line, and into a more central area, accessible to all line-waiters. I think that's what the organic farmers who created these brownies would want for mankind.

Response to Request for Ideas for "Line Blog":

"What about the lines at theme parks? Or the lines of traffic I sit in sometimes? Or lines of cocaine? Ba dum bum."

Things I'd wait in line for overnight, a list created with deep thought:

1. Tickets for the Spice Girls Reunion Concert.
2. If they ever made Newsies into a live musical, I honestly don't think I could stand the idea of anyone seeing it before I did.
3. If this was some weird fantasy world where poets are rock stars, clearly I'd wait all day for Stephen Dunn. I've seen him read though a few times, but still. Really, actually, I'm having a hard time comprehending the idea of people waiting in line for poetry, I can't even conceptualize this hypothetical.
4. Free things that're worth a lot of money. These're usually in the form of "contests" or something though, so probs not.
5. Shakespeare in the Park starring someone I loved. Though I never have waited in line for SITP tickets, which says something. About truthiness.
6. If all my friends were doing it. That might be fun. Like camping.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting ...

The thing is, I've never been comfortable with:
1) Extreme want/desire.
2) Pouring excessive energy or time into anything that isn't guaranteed to work out.

"The old farm roads' a four lane that leads to the mall, and our dreams are all guillotines waiting to fall."
-Ani DiFranco!

Re: 1)
Don't they have jobs? Families? I wonder about the people waiting for iPhones. How could you want anything so badly that you'd wait in line to PAY for it? Ten minutes've passed in line at Whole Foods and I already feel I've been had. How dare you make me wait to fulfill this want? This desire for organic strawberries? Certainly I can do without this, yeah? Certainly I can talk myself out of it? When you get in line, and wait, you're making a physical expression of want, which for me means dependence, which scares the shit out of me. I wish I didn't need anyone or anything for anything, ever. Lines make me feel like a sheep/robot, like waddling along the weaving ropes/the poles of the complicated line for The Raptor at Cedar Point, desperate enough to be scrambled around and whizzed through the air that I've paid for it and'll wait two hours for three minutes of it. You've convinced me to want this, and now I'm here, shuffling along, waiting.

I have an almost destructive inability to wait in line for food at group eating events. Like, I loathe those moments I'm standing there with my plate, waiting? I'll wait until the line's completely done, then go forage for scraps.

Re: 2)
As soon as "but you might not get in" is added to the description of a potential line to wait in (a sold-out show, an exclusive club, live television taping, contest of some sort, whatever), my desire to stand in it's completely zapped. Disappointment's inevitable: we can make the best plan ever for getting into Community High School and not make it, I can completely plan on attending NYU film school and not make it ... because every time, it feels like I've been had, you know? Clearly I'd've finished writing my book if I didn't have some complicated relationship with the conviction that it'll actually sell. Instead, I obsessively track the decline of the publishing industry almost to talk myself out of myself.

Maybe this relationship to investment-->reward (as in, I want to believe in it really badly but totes DON'T) is why I'm convinced every thing I do choose to put my heart into's gotta be the one to work out, because I'm standing here, after all, showing that I WANT.

If I work hard enough, I can make it happen. I will make this work. This project is worth it, I'll give up everything I will wait, I'll wait potentially forever, outside, even, in the cold, I'll bring a tent, I'll leave my life at home, rain whatever, hail whatever, I've been in worse lines, I'll give up everything everything to be ... America's Next Top [Girlfriend?] ... I've got what it takes ... I could lose so much but I could also win! everything! ... I'm not waiting for a chance, I'm waiting for everything I wanted to arrive/return ... now there is no pain you are receding shine on you crazy diamond look in your eyes like black holes in the sky distant ship...

... because I'm pretty convinced that nothing works out and I want someone to prove me wrong. I'm certain that any kind of investment rarely equals reward, that most things'll crash and it'll be violent and the heart'll break ...

I've solved this problem in my life by avoiding risky investments of time or emotion [e.g., relationships] and it's actually a pretty good strategy. So when I do invest, I'm serious. When I do invest, I invest more. And more. And more. Someone [you? you? redacted magazine? the unblogged story of the conde nast project? etc.?] prove to me that it's okay to shove all my eggs into one basket, to charge headfirst into exhaustion and over-extension of one's self because it seems like it oughta work out. My Mom often tells me it's time to "cut my losses." You win some you lose some you lose some you oughta win some. When I hoped I feared since I hoped I dared

"I waited for you calmly, with infinite patience.
I waited for you hungrily, just short of desperate."
-Stephen Dunn, "The Waiting."

You lose some, you oughta win some?
Well ... I did! I had! I have. I wasn't lying when I said that, that moment was exactly as sweet as it tasted. So. That, there. Stay. BE. JUST BE. Be what you were. Over there.

"I believe in peace, bitch."
-Tori Amos, "The Waitress."

"I praise how the body heals itself.
I praise how, finally, it never learns."
-Stephen Dunn, "Desire."

And ... something else about all that?

If I'd gotten into Community High, maybe I wouldn't've ever gone to Interlochen, and if I hadn't gone there then I woulda missed out on the rest of my life, on absolutely EVERYTHING! And I do believe (cue Christina Aguilera ballad) that everything happens for a reason. Really, I do.

Sometimes it takes a while for the point to emerge from the madness, but I'm pretty satisfied right now with the possibility at my fingertips, a million unfinished lines shooting out of my nails like Wolverine's claws -- but gentle, hesitant, non-violent and reaching towards attention. I'm blindly groping for what it is we're waiting for, but kinda pretty sure, every now and then, that I can ... and will ... get it?

"There's a starman waiting in the sky, he'd like to come and meet us, but he thinks he'd blow our minds."
- David Bowie, Starman


Anonymous said...

the spice girls reunion? shirley, you are joking.

definitely shakespeare in the park, though, esp starring lauren ambrose as juliet.

The Spaz said...

Riese have you ever gone horseback riding? I am by no means an expert. I've never been very good at it, there's something about the whole loss of control and lack of connection with the ground that unnerves me. When mounted I haven't the confidence to get a horse to listen to me so they rebel and run wild. I've been thrown a few times. Well, every time to be truthful.

So the people who know what they're doing (riding instructors and British people and whatnot,) try to help you face your fears. They say crazy motivational things to make you forget what experience has taught you and give it one more try. But there's only so much bounce back in a body. What they don't tell you is that each fall takes something out of you. And the older you get the more serious falls become.

Yet, here's the stupid part; I keep trying it again and again. I know the danger, believe you me I've got the scars--but every now and then I'll get the itch to try it once more. Clearly I'm a fool to put myself through this once again; but I cannot lose hope or all the pain I've suffered in the past will have been for naught.

Mercury said...

I know exactly what you mean. I love how you are brilliant and amazing and emotionally beautiful enough to connect the debut of the i-phone with relationship insecurity.

You sound like Grainne, who I was like, I will never break your heart, and then she totally broke mine. I'm good at having my heart broken, The Expert, it's my occupation, it's what keeps my world spinning, sometimes I think it's what I live for, like maybe I challenge people: you could break me too, you can right now, look, I don't even care, I know it's likely and I'm just giving it to you, I know you will and I'm not pulling back, so just do it, alright, or are you too afraid?

That's me. Maybe I have like a complex. If I was the type of person who was into being analyzed I'd bring this supposition to someone who could medicate me heavily for it. Or maybe they wouldn't medicate me, they'd just try to get me to tell them WHY I do that. And I'd tell them "Probably because I like pain, yeah? I'm an emotional masochist, or whatever." And they'd look at me through their specs, head slightly tilted, thoroughly puzzled.

I like carrying baskets of eggs, especially really big heavy baskets of eggs, baskets of someone's every last egg, because when I drop it I get to hate myself, and when I don't I get to be needed. I'd carry your basket. FedEx it to me or something.

I dunno if I believe in everyting happens for a reason so much as I believe that it doesn't matter what happens because in the end all the various types of repercussions of every event equal out. Like all the possibilites are branching out and they all end places that are either absolutely identical or for all practical purposes identical. Which is similar to believing that everything happens for a reason, because you're still doing the whole no-regrets thing.

Even really horrible things I believe this about, because there is no way to see all the effects of any event upon the universe. As that butterfly effect theory points out.

I wouldn't break your eggs.

You don't have to approve this. You can just read it. It's up to you.

I feel like I know you really well, even though I don't know you at all, and a while ago I dreamt that you were coming in to get a haircut and I panicked, dream over, that's all there was to it, I saw your name written on the book under mine and was like... adrenaline explosion, dream over. Weird, yeah? Do you know what it means? I don't.

I'm just rambling now. I'm a complete freak. Shut up, Rachel.

Anonymous said...

I haven't heard that Cake song you used in your video clip in years, and somehow I've heard it twice this week.

I had my first ever line of coke last night.

My favourite over used line of my teenage years was 'you are so beautiful it hurts to look at you', just cos I hoped someone someday would say it to me and mean it.

I went to Florida when I was 14 and we went to universal studios. My father asked where the queue started and everyone looked at us blankly. This was the first time I realised that Americans use the phrase 'lining up' or 'in line' and in England it's queuing. I love cultural differences.

Anonymous said...

how hilarious is your dad?!? that plan had the precision of a stealth bomber complete with countermoves.
ha! checkmate Community High School Line
love it! my dad would be like 'kate - camera out of my face'.

because i'm so anally retentive about time the fact that i'm always early means that i don't really need to line up a whole lot - i'm usually there before a line even exists.

being early also means if you do have to queue that you can usually make friends with organisers/those in the know. thus, priveleges and free stuff; coffee, food, CD's, place saved in line during bathroom breaks and best of all two free airline ticket upgrades to first class.

i had tickets to shakespeare in the park when i was in NY. it was cancelled. i was crushed. I would line up for it too so you can cross it off your list. I'd pick one up for you.

cheers for the MySpace add!

MoonKiller said...

I was just listening to Blackbird like 2 minutes ago. Now ironically I'm listening to Ani DiFranco.

frank said...

did you really have that i-phone conversation in July 2006? or is it just backward?

there are some awesome lines in life, though. the first- and third-base lines, the left- and right-field lines, the thin red line, walk the line, linus from peanuts, lines from movies, perhaps Empire Records?

but i agree. i refuse to wait in line for anything.

oh, and i identify as male.

oh, what did you mean when i was asking for it?

riese said...

Because I'm drunk. I'm responding to two comments. Then I will respond to the rest of them.

anonymous: I love the Spice Girls. Actually ... I don't know. We discussed this last night. Musically, they leave a lot to be desired. But as a cultural phenomenon I find them intriguing. Also, because I call myself "Sporty Spice" and have defined my personal style, on more than one [read: 100] occasions as "sporty spice," I feel meeting her in person would really enhance not only my personal style, but my understanding of what I need to do if I wanna be your lover. I'd like to get with your friends, but that's already weird enough with the whole like, lesbian outchart hoo-ha whathaveyou nonsense.

Also, re: LA, I'd love that more than anything. I read her thing in [redacted]/New York Magazine and was like, wow, she's so pure and lovely. Beautiful.

Oh, Claire.

Spaz: Oh yes I have. I've never been good at it either, though I recall a special tingly feeling ... jk. I recall a special scared feeling. I actually've ridden horses a lot. It's really hard for me to write this without making any sexual references whatsoever.

But. Honestly. I know what you're talking about and I wonder, too, why I'm so ... certain that this time will be the time. Maybe it's not just that particular day, but all the hours and days that came before it, that need to be ... I guess .. worth it.

Anonymous said...

Okay, then, Sporty Spice. I finally got around to reading the rest of this entry. Sometimes I think those moments you are talking about could happen whenever we want, we only must recognize them. You know. Life is mainly a Jedi-mind-trick.

And you, yourself, and your acuity of gentle, hopeful, humorous thought are just as perfect as LA, in all her red-haired glory, playing Claire, Juliet, or even Denise Fleming.

stef said...

it's really weird that the spaz brought up horseback riding because that video of you guys waiting for the line to get into school is EXACTLY like the line to register for horseback riding lessons at the stable my best friend and i used to ride at.. everybody would get up at the crack of dawn to stand out in the freezing cold for spring session and it was absolute chaos every time. the people near the front of the line would get the attractive lesson times - around 11 am, so you didn't have to wake up too early and the horses wouldn't be exhausted and cranky. i am sure my father and my friend's father probably spent hours wondering why they ever had children at all. in the meantime, my friend and i were busy petting barn cats and drinking hot chocolate, oblivious to how obnoxious we were to expect our dads to do that for us every year.

i obvs wanted a horse as a child and not a monkey. and i never got either. whatever, jenny schecter.

they say you need to fall seven times before you're a real rider, and although i fell many times in various hilarious and truly dangerous ways, i think i fell just short of that. that may be a brilliant metaphor for my present life.

anyway the iphone line thing is really repulsive to me and i don't know WHY these people have $600 to blow on top of whatever it costs to pay for every meal and lawn chairs and blankets to sit outside for a week, not earning any income... wtf people, donate that money to DARFUR or something. ugh. it's gross. and all of that just to HAVE to use cingular!

oh and i think all the whole foods(es?) in nyc have that weird line system, although i usually go to the one in union square and they have made the line captain job redundant. they instead have a SCREEN that tells you what register to go to. it's incredible.

i just got my email from the spice girls like 'hey! you might maybe probably won't ever receive the OPPORTUNITY to buy tickets to our only concert within 2000 miles! thx guys! love emma x geri x mel b x melanie c x victoria x' and THAT made me giddy.. i'm trying to figure out a way to forgo this system entirely; this raffle shit is too risky. if i come up with any shortcuts or ways to circumvent the system, i'll let you know.

word veri: dqmfifn, which is obv a muffin from dairy queen.

Anonymous said...

dude, totes on the spice girl reunion!! i would like... i dunno, wait forever for them.. and you're sporty spice too?? get outta town..

you have to que to get into your gym after 5?? whoa... mine, is usually pretty empty...

-M- said...

and don't forget the lines at Disneyworld, Disneyland, and Universal Studios ....
standing in line to try on clothes ... I avoid that by sweeping through a store, (yes it's usually an Eddie Bauer), picking up everything off the rack that's close to my size or color, bringing it home to feel victorious, trying it on, nothing fits and then I end up going bck and waiting in a huge long line to return 95%. This philosphy "works" with all my shopping excursions - and "they" say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree - hah!
anyway ... thanks for listing me in your Sunday Top Ten - I think you're pretty awesome too!

riese said...

Hi. We've just woken up.

Still doing this in sections. I am going to respond to the rest of the comments later. Sometimes I miss how livejournal would let you respond to each comment right below it? Anyone know what I'm talking about? Anyone? Just me. Okay.

MERC: 1. thank you, 2. I like that you are beautiful and amazing enough to write stuff like this: sometimes I think it's what I live for, like maybe I challenge people: you could break me too, you can right now, look, I don't even care, I know it's likely and I'm just giving it to you, I know you will and I'm not pulling back, so just do it, alright, or are you too afraid? in my comments.

People've suggested that i like pain too, and it's so weird because seriously, I don't. I hate it. That's why I try to stay a step away from anything related to pain, which often includes pleasure.

Though there was a time not too long ago that I thought "maybe I really am just a total masochist," and I even looked up all this stuff about it (obvs, as how can I have a feeling w/o backing it up with internet research?), but then realized maybe that's OK but totally impractical for daily life, or really for life at all. Nice in certain contexts, bad for "in general."

I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson "Because of You" dance remix, which is the perfect soundtrack to this comment.

I publish all the comments as soon as I see who they are from, before reading them. So I published this comment before reading the part that said I didn't have to publish it. I mean, I woulda published it anyhow. I just wanted to cut and paste your whole comment, practically, as like "I like this" but then realized I'm writing so much already.

Now I'm listening to "Mary" by Sarah Slean which's also pretty f'in good. Thanks Carly. This playlist's called "and if I ever feel better."

That dream is amazing. I wish that last year we'd gone to Key West and this year we were going to Alaska. Then you could do my hair and fix my roots.

I think I know you better than I know anyone I've never met in "real life." Right? Yeah, I think so. I mean, look at what we've been through together, Rachel! Ha. Hm. Also, I meant what I said I think on your blog which's that I'm fully confident I will meet you eventually.

And also, thank you, re: breaking my eggs.

Never shut up Rachel, never!

laura: And how was it? The cocaine? That's my favorite line ever from My So Called Life and Haviland and I say it to each other a lot. I say it a lot. If you ever came to America, I could say it to you just for kicks.

kate: I know right? It was the most intricate plan of all time. The fact that it didn't work is nothing short of total tragedy. That's how my Mom was about the camera. All our videos of her are her pointing her finger at the camera and making this "stop it right now" face.

I also like to line up before the line starts. This is troublesome when it's really early in the morning. or at the soho apple store, where everyone gets there at 6am, even on holidays.

And you're welcome for the myspace add. Everyone who's reading this should be aware: "kate" is HOT. FYIez.

moonkiller/laura: I love musical coincidences.

Everyone should go out and download the song "Hear me Out" by Frou Frou right now, it's amazing. Hav put it on a CD she made for me called "You can make it kiddo" or something.

lozo: Amazing. I totally didn't notice that at all. Obvs it's changed now. I like to change things after you comment so no one will understand what you're talking about.

How about the LINE in the movie Empire Records to meet Rex Manning?

I meant you were asking for it by talking about not believing ... and thinking that people who do are dumb. I mean ... you know what I mean?!!

Anonymous said...

It wasn't quite as pleasurable as I thought it would be (coke that is). I just felt rather uncomfortable, so I spread it all over my gums and that was strangely nice (after I had got over the taste).

I also found it is a wicked remedy for aching wisdom teeth.

The next time I am in New York (which could be sooner than you might think) I shall let you know and you can say those immortal Rayanne /Angela lines to me.

Then my life would be complete.

I'm still waiting for the perfect break-up to send the, 'I know in the past I've caused you pain, and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die' letter.

I'm still not decided if that would be a good letter to receive or not, nevertheless Angela liked it and I suppose that's all that matters.

Hope you had a good weekend.

frank said...

"we've" just woken up, huh? interesting.

was there a line to see rene zelwegger sing sugar high? i don't recall.

and i swear on my genitals i don't know what you mean. i mean, i think i have an idea of what you could mean, but i don't see how if that's what you mean what that means. you know what i mean? don't be mean.

DH said...

I don't line up for anything, except concerts. Which means I never get anything important done, ever. Like the Bank, Post Office, Supermarket etc.

I'm glad you mentioned the Spice Girls. I love the Spice Girls. The concept of a manufactured mass marketing machine, moreso than the music. I have spent the last few days hassling everyone I know who could get me a spot on the Spice Girls tour. That would be the pinnacle.

I think the risks associated with investment are a thrill. But I think I'm in the minority. Regardless, I hope all of your current investments work out.

Anonymous said...

please please please blog about the conde nast project..

(delurking just to say that.. yeah. i completely am addicted to your blog, thanks for reading my mind and putting my feelings into words more eloquently then i ever could.)

riese said...

stef: What's funny is one of my best friends was a rider and turned out to be a lesbian. She did dressage. I rode with her alot, but also on weird various vacations and at assorted summer camps. Mostly because I liked reading about girls who rode horses, and wanted to get into things like The Saddle Club. It is insane the kinds of bizarre things parents've been willing to do for their children, re:lines. Which was part of the "controversy" with the whole line up "thing" to begin with: it favored kids who's parents could "afford" to take three weeks off work to wait in line, or who cared enough to do so. The thing they did our year was supposed to help all that by making it a weekend thing.

Wanting a horse means that you are straight, so it's perfect, right? I wanted a monkey, obvs. But regardless, whatever, Jenny Shecter.

It's all a brilliant metaphor, yeah?

Whatever they are doing at Union Square sounds amazing. I went there only once; I was stoned. I was like Look at all the apples, they are so red! We went there 'cause we were stoned. And it had just been built.

keep me posted on the spice girls raffle, absolutes.

blox-tox: Hands down totes spice girls! You don't have to "que" to get into the gym after 5pm, but there's usually a wait for an elliptiacl trainer.

M: Amusement park lines are really difficult, and, of course, the lines at theme parks are favorites of those who professionally study lines. I learned this on wikipedia.

Side note: M. Are you my mother? Did you get internet? When did this happen? And if you are not my mother, have you ever seen my mother at Eddie Bauer? Because she shops there. She's the one returning all the stuff.

Clearly now I know where I got that shopping system from, as I clearly do the exact same thing.

Laura: Yes, it does funny things to one's teeth. But I'm not a fan of anything that ends so quickly. Ad yes, let me know when you are next in New York. And thank you, I had a wonderful weekend.

I love that break up letter. I could actually recite it from memory ... but I won't.

Lozo: Yes, there was, I think. But I think they were in line for a 'damn the man' party, not specifically to see her sing "Sugarhigh," which was actually pretty awesome.

Crystal: Yeah, I think I have that exact same problem and that is why I never get anything done ever. Like I need shampoo, but I just walk into CVS, see the line, and walk right out. If you got a spot on their tour I would freak and die and then you would get me tickets. Right? Yaysers! I wish I felt they were a thrill. Instead I feel terrified, you know? And yeah, so far so good with current investments, and I'm also just more .. cautious ... in general.

meredith: Yay! I love it when people de-lurk! However, because I have this fantasy that one day they'll call me again to be the managing editor of something, I can't really talk about it. And also I promised the editor I worked with, who was really cool, that I wouldn't say anything about it. And because if the project ever does launch, I want to be a part of it. But trust me, I wish I could. Talk about it. SIGH. It's not like I know who killed JFK or anything ... but I try, I guess, not to burn bridges.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever seen video clips of David Bowie performing in the years immediately following the Ziggy Stardust era? After he killed his alter ego Ziggy onstage in 1973, Bowie became a creature known as the Thin White Duke.

The Thin White Duke is devastatingly different from Ziggy. Ziggy was mezmerizing to watch: he owned the stage, he owned the space around him, owned every movement, to the point where he actually owned the audience's space, their bodies as well. He was the performative incarnate, and you literally can't take your eyes off him.

The Thin White Duke, despite hits like "Fame," "Young Americans," and "Golden Years," is anything but mezmerizing. He has no presence on stage: Ziggy is clearly dead.

What happened, roughly, is that Bowie split himself. He made an alter ego, Ziggy Stardust, and he poured all of his interesting and eye-catching and expressive qualities into this one electrifying character. And then Ziggy went off his rocker and Bowie killed him, but at the same time killed all of those pieces of himself that he had invested in this other person. And all that was left was a skinny white dude with a serious coke problem.

I was going to say something illuminating about wating and investment and loss, because I am absolutely with the sense of this post (um, know what I mean?), but I can't put it all together right now.

The bite-sized point of the story is that Bowie is now married to a glamazonian goddess, has more money than Prince Bandar (OK, hyperbole), and has met the queen on several occasions.

"There's a starman waiting in the sky
He's told us not to blow it
Cause he knows it's all worthwhile"

Mercury said...

re: lines of cocaine, I watched a whole bunch of people I'd never met before and also student-Jamie do those for like 4 hours directly preceding a 10 hour day of school/work, a Thursday, I do believe, and when I walked out of the house the whole town was blanketed in yellowgreen smoke, as if the entire town had been getting high. I was offered some but felt no need to alter my brain chemistry any further before going to cut hair, coz I'd already drank and also smoked something that I still don't know what it was, and was ready to stop. Needless to say everything I did that day sucked ass and when I got home I slept for a really long time.

riese: I think you know me better than lots of people I HAVE met in real life, which is possibly pathetic, but oh well. You wrote too much? I wrote too much. I've never heard any dance remixes of Kelly Clarkson but that sounds like something I'd enjoy, I'll check it out. Speaking of music, have you seen the "Girlfriend" movie with the lesbians? Tres cute.

You did say that: I responded that I think so too, re: eventually meeting, I mean. Hopefully before we're 40. or I guess before you're 40 and I'm 31. I'm kind of scared to though because, I don't know. It's scary. You're so far away, remote, safely depicted by these linguistic symbols on a screen, hidden. I want to climb into the screen. I always want to know people better than I ever end up knowing them. Maybe that's a good thing, that I never end up knowing them. Who's the last person I've ever really known? Probably the last person who's ever really hurt me. But anyway: even if I'm kinda afraid to, I totally WANT to, just to see, what it'd be like. I've never met someone for the first time who I already knew before. And also coz it's you and I think we'd have fun hanging out or whatever.

re: emotional masochism, I don't think I'm really that way, I think I just say it flippantly. Just, I end up getting burned so much of the time. I'm probably not as wary of getting hurt or used as I should be and I have the emo/poetic/depressive/whatever characteristic that allows me to sometimes wallow in my misery... but I don't think that actually makes me an emotional masochist... maybe I should do more research on that.

I can't decide if I'm too afraid or not afraid enough. Maybe I'm too afraid but simultaneously choose to ignore the fear at all the wrong times. Maybe that's what naïvité is all about. (Got all the accents on that one too. Go me.) Although about a lot of things I think I can be wise. I'm an awfully contradictory person. You already know that, you're that way too, we've I think had previous comment conversations to that effect. Maybe one day we'll run out of things to blog-comment-discuss.

yay, word verification caught on.
vzorbnfw - all the letters for 'born' plus some random extras.

Anonymous said...

in the words of maeby: marry me!
then again, maeby/maybe the distance would prove troublesome...

stef said...

i think it's all the girl bonding and the tight pants, although none of my equestrian buddies ever turned out to be lesbians. that is really weird now that i think about it. maybe they were liars. i also read the saddle club. they were like the babysitters' club for girls who liked horses but hated mallory-of-bsc talking about horses (because she was BORING). there was some other slightly better horse-girl series that i don't remember.. i think at least some of the members of the saddle club really wanted monkeys if you know what i mean.

whatever, jenny schecter is sort of up there with really papi. really.

i'm more nervous to check out this new whole foods in the bowery.. i hear the aisles are named things like chrystie and delancey and they have food from all the cute little mom'n'pop stores they are obv going to drive out of business just by being there.

carlytron said...

just a few things:
1. sarah slean is awesome. also, canadian.
2. there was a huge continuity error in the "sugar high" scene of empire records, it still haunts me to this day, and i love that movie so very very much.
3. i need to see the spice girls in concert.
4. the "marry me" gag on arrested development was -- in my opinion -- one of the funniest running gags I've ever seen ("babysit me!").
5. the iPhone can do whatever it wants to me. i absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on one. it's kinda sick, really. don't judge.
6. blogger word verification: "cotangrr" which is totes blog interweb slang for "coat hanger."

Anonymous said...

All this talk of amusement parks and queues (lines) just reminds me of the one time my father (who I only saw every other weekend) took me to our terribly sad version of an amusement park. We were standing in the queue for something dumb like rowing boats on a fake lake when I realised I needed to pee. My father wasn't having any of it, he had been standing in the queue for too long to drop out now. So as you may have guessed I peed my pants while we were on the lake... Odd how it kind of represents quite well the screwed up relationship I still have with my father.. sorry to bring the mood down :-)

AK said...

As I was waiting in line at the queer film festival all of last week (reviews just posted), I thought of starting a business as a professional standing-in-line person. I can see that I'll have to charge extra for overnight and probably a hardship fee as well for hazardous circumstances. The doc you made was very illuminating.

Anonymous said...

L(ing)OLbabysit me!- forgot that..

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I'm totally beating you to first on the live Newsies line.

Also, I've never done a line of coke, but I took a bump once while was in the process of blacking out, so I have zero recollection of the experience. Alcohol is awesome.

riese said...


That is a really amazing story. Seriously. And I think what it does say something about is that you can throw everything into becoming someone else, embracing paradox, becoming a character, running fast and strong from who people think you are and painting yourself in makeup and costume, but sometimes it's all just ... you know ... "smoke and mirrors" ... or a skinny guy with a coke problem. Or a denial of facts like that it's covering something, after all, and it's a pretty stubborn something.

You can just feel the coke in that video. Videos of people on coke are sometimes painful to watch.

Speaking of becoming other people, alter/altar egos? Paradox, etc.?

I like the happy ending. "Happy ending." Yeah, beautiful wife, etc.?


1. I love all the fun cocaine stories everyone is sharing. Probs a good idea not to take any before work. I don't think I've ever done that kind of thing. Oh wait. Yeah i have. That was a different time though. A different job ... a different alter ego ... etc. But it fades, and you crash, and no one wants that. Unless you just want obliteration for the sake of obliteration.

... and in fact, obvs, there was a period of time when you knew things about me that literally not another person in my life knew. And isn't this fun, being all insider-y and exclusive on my comments?

What "Girlfriends" movie with the lesbians? I feel perhaps you could afford some specificity to this description. Does it have anything to do with Kelly Clarkson? She's got an entire album of dance mixes of "Because of You."

When I'm 40 you'll be 31? That is really weird/depressing. I need to become someone else like Ziggy Stardust.

Seriously, you keep using thousands of beautiful words on my comments. (e.g., You're so far away, remote, safely depicted by these linguistic symbols on a screen, hidden. I want to climb into the screen. I always want to know people better than I ever end up knowing them. Maybe that's a good thing, that I never end up knowing them. Who's the last person I've ever really known? Probably the last person who's ever really hurt me. ) Maybe I can publish them one day, like the letters of famous people. The blog comments of Riese and Rachel? Does that sound weird?

I've always said it flippantly too. But then it occurred to me that I might mean it. Then I realized that I most certainly did not. Mean it. And I guess I don't get burned that often, even in this case .... usually I just avoid the fire. Or run from it as soon as it gets too overwhelming. Like ... now.

We've had many conversations about contradictions. We'll never run out.


It's okay, I'm tough to be around, like Maeby. Distance could work to my advantage.


Mallory is a lesbian, speaking of girls who want monkeys. That new Whole Foods sounds awful, like Big Brother pretending to be Kid Sister. I think I know what you are talking about -- another series about horseback riding -- but I can't think of it either. And I keep wanting to say Black Beauty.


Hi. You're sitting at a table with me right now. I'm going to ask you about the continuity error in Empire Records. Okay, just did. Now about the marry me gag on Arrested Development.. Okay, just did. You're still laughing about it.

Also, not judging.


Basically your father neglects all your needs and doesn't care when you have to make an ass of yourself in public or do something not-ok in order to rectify matters? Ew. Not a fan. On the upside, I once had a best friend who trained me not to have to go so often by not letting me go when I needed to, which he said his stepfather did to him. It worked though.


I've thought about that too. Not as something I'd want to do, but someone to hire. There actually are people who you can pay to wait for the cable guy and stuff. You seem to be willing to do a lot of jobs, like flow paper and wait in line, that I don't want to do. I'm looking for an intern.

brooklyn boy:

Oh no you aren't. I know the dance to "Seize the Day!" And I will seize that day.
Alcohol is awesome.

carlytron said...

also awesome (re: arrested development) the running "chicken" gag (there is a great youtube video of like, a montage of all the family members doing their "you're a chicken" dances).

yeah, no judging. THIS IS THE TABLE OF WRITING TV SHOWS AND NOT JUDGING. god, get your shit together, riese.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Oh, I know you know the dance. I know all the words to Santa Fe, and I will go there and back to prove my committment. Just wait.

Mercury said...

"girlfriend" as in the song by Avril Lavigne, someone made a spoof video pointing out that the singer could be totally singing to a chick. Which is the primary reason I like that song. And also because I have a soft spot in my heart for Avril Lavigne, which I don't fully understand, but whatever. It's like, guilty pleasure music, or something.