Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thursday Top Eight: And I'm Not Proud That Nothing Will Seem Easy About Me

It's kinda funny that Sunday I chose to write on "Things that were harder than I expected," and I said I'd write about Easier Things later this week, and between then and now a lot of hard things have happened involving people I love and care about -- even just people I know about -- and I dunno, things feel kinda crap, the air's a bit apocalyptic lately ... while simultaneously containing hopeful violent wind. I'm fighting competing urges to be productive or do all of the following things at once: lie on my couch, drink sweet wine out of the bottle, read Raymond Carver [I love his poetry, why does everyone underestimate this man as a poet, why is his poetry overlooked? I love his poetry.] and watch Tegan & Sara. That's not a mistake, I mean that -- "watch," like concert videos or whathaveyou. I like to watch them play music. Not because I want to bone them, but because it's better than crack.

I once again destroyed my back at the gym: I couldn't get off the elliptical 'til I learned who still had a shot at love with Tila Tequilla -- just about the worst reason ever to stay on the elliptical trainer forever while neglecting form. As I predicted, Steffanie was given the boot, and dear Stef, if you google yourself and land here, I want you to know that everything happens for a reason, and you were probs eliminated so you and I could be together. Also, my first question for you, Steffanie, is why the fuck did you agree to be on this retarded show? Are you retarded, like Tila and the other contestants? Also, readers: Why does no one on this show have a real job [or brain cells]? I feel like they're all "dancers." [I can't tear myself away from this show! It's possible I'll watch lesbians do anything. Except talk about their feelings, I guess.]

Ryan gave me this blue ball I'm supposed to roll around on top of to fix my back. That's not how it sounds. I wonder what'd happen if I swallowed this large pink pill in my desk drawer. Shall we find out? Lets see. Took it. I think that may've been a Percocet. I should probably include "reckless with pills" in my banner. Pill's not working. Nothing works on me anymore, I should be a lab rat for really strong medications. I'm chewing Bubbilicious. This post is going to be weird. I'll fix it tomorrow, it's item 457 on my to-do list. Ow. Giving my tongue a workout. Blowing bubbles. If I knew how to make balloon animals, I would. All the time. For birthdays, Christmas, whatever.

Soooo ... easy things. I feel like everything is easier than I expected, because I don't expect much. I don't really expect anyone to like, love me or hire me or anything. Rejected ideas for this stellar list include [okay, I'm feeling it now. Sort of mushy. Like I feel a little bit like Jell-O but slightly nauseous, and still awake somehow, this is quite weird]: Getting laid, getting internships, getting a job, lesbian sex, getting published, getting a freelance job, making new friends, avoiding phone calls, avoiding life, maintaining perky breasts, getting good grades, graduating college, working out, not going out, not spending money, going out, building a cave, writing 10,000 emails a day, learning to read.

So, right, things that are easier than I expected:

8. Finding This Apartment:
I was informed of my impending ejection from my apartment on March 18th, my then-girlfriend's 30th birthday. Brill timing. I put an ad on craiglist. I was straightforward : "BEST ROOMMATE EVER." I'm a freelance writer, so I've got no pay stub or steady income and I work from home and therefore, I'm home a lot. I stay up late, get up early, play loud music, and often cook dinner at 2 A.M.. I'm not messy, but I'm not a super-neat-freak either, and I eat about 100 meals a day. I've got a girlfriend, and she'll probably be sleeping over a lot, but she doesn't live in the city so I'll never be sleeping at her place. Howevs, I'm super fun! And I won't judge you for anything."

I figured there was no point in sugarcoating the fact that I was a highly undesirable roommate on paper. I expected invitations from people hoping I might not judge their heroin habit or goth band practice -- but most of the people who emailed seemed fairly normal. Then there was all this stuff that happened with another apartment and then I got an email from Zoey. I came to meet Zoey & Ryan and see this place the day after being up all night with food poisoning, and my girlfriend was in the hospital and my article just'd been killed, and it was raining like hard like hard. The apartment is beautiful, we totes clicked, Zoey'd been a fan of my L-Word recaps and thus kinda knew "of" me [like that I was a writer, not a "writer"] and Ryan also had a gay Mom and I was just like, perfect, done and DONE.

Oddly enough, they're most well-behaved roommates I've ever had, like I'm defo the weirdo in the house. Well, except Heart, that little dog we had for a while [see photo], Heart was like, on the depressive side of manic depression for sure.

7. Surfing
It's just really rare that I'll show any kind of instinct at all whatsoever for any sort of athletic activity. I skiied for ten years and still couldn't parallel or ski a black diamond. I can barely even swim. It's a miracle I don't fall down the stairs every day and break my elbows. The reason I picked up surfing so fast? Significant quadriceps. JK, I could barely stand up, but I wasn't terrible, it wasn't a disaster like snowboarding had been.

6. Make My Room Look Better and More Like a Grown-up:
I have these new sheets, they've changed the whole feel of my room. See, before, my sheets had holes [resulting from being nailed into the mattress & a fire of some sort] and my duvet cover was stained with ink, wine, whatevs. I'd covered it with another sheet, just a grey sheet from Tommy Hilfiger I got with an amazon gift certificate earned for using my credit card too often. Haviland & Cait picked out these new sheets & duvet cover for me because I don't know anything about how to make things look not retarded. My room looks so much better now, like fo' real, if you came over, you might fall in love with me. Until I start talking. Howevs, Haviland was dropping stuff into my garbage like we were on a Home Makeover show or Queer Eye. Mostly, she wanted to pitch various objects I'd employed to perform new lives as candle holders. She wanted me to get rid of my little toys too, like the plastic hula girl and the wind-up Santa and the dolphin paperweight but I was like "Carly has toys! Carly has toys!" and so she let me keep my toys in my cave. La-di-da.

5. This
Blogging. Sometimes if I sit and think about it, I'm like, wow, I can't believe people actually read this. Although the way this post is going, you might be wondering exactly why you still are.

4. Coming Out
I totes avoided having to deal with any of the sexuality issues through three primary accidental strategies:
1) The Blog: Though I'd identified personally as bisexual and would always say so if anyone asked, I didn't really start dating girls until about two years ago. Some people had always known, some were close enough to just know ... but most people just read my blog. It's awesome. Also, how many times have you gone onto somoene's myspace profile and been like "OMG, they're gay now?" Probs quite often. So I'm not the only one who uses the internet to avoid confronting a series of emotional realities. Also, my grandparents don't know how to use the internet.
2) The potential impact of having my first "real" girlfriend was sort of overshadowed by all the other special circumstances. I didn't really have time to ponder how to present myself as a lesbian (no one ever assumes "bisexual" in these cases, obvs) 'cause there were far more pressing issues. I wasn't really thinking about the weight behind my formerly innocuous daily communications, like saying the word "girlfriend" instead of "boyfriend." People respond to that, they just do, it's a surprise, to them, they are surprised but trying not to be -- I still remember the tennis club manager (where I worked for a hot minute) insisting on calling her my "roommate," which was not only inaccurate, but retarded. I didn't really have time to think about boys vs. girls, I just fell, I surrendered, when you feel you've found the right person you just zoom in and the rest of it goes away.
3) Apparently, my extended family has somehow decided that I'm a "career woman" who is too focused on work to acquire a male companion. That is just like, I mean, wow. Career. What's a career? Hoo-ha.

3. Getting Tattooed
I was super-drunk, mega-stoned, and I think Stephanie and I'd consumed a great deal of candy. I mean that; actual candy. At first it hurt, but then it kinda leveled out, like just became sort of sharp and muted throbbing, which is more or less my specialty. My thigh's not a particularly sensitiive spot either. The only hard part was figuring out if it was being tattooed in the right direction, as it was Hebrew, which is right-to-left, and I was looking in a mirror, and I was drunk. Anyhow I decided today that I want to get another tattoo. Anyone wanna design something for me? It's L-O-Z-O. That's his real last name. No, I think I know what I'm gonna get, I think the ancient Hebrew script signal for "hand." On my wrist. Maybe. I dunno yet.

2. Getting Health Insurance
The hardest part of this process, besides the 1.5 years before it happened and the six month post-application waiting period, was that I had to go to fucking Inwood to do the paperwork. Oh wait, did I say Inwood? I didn't mean Inwood. I meant basically I was in Alaska, that's how far I had to travel for this appointment, like, I should've called Rachel. It was on like 345th street or something. I showed her my bank statements, which reflected an income of approximately less than zero per month, because I was paid in cash then, and as a super-savvy anti-government radical neo-leftist feminazi super-warrior (not at all), I paid my bills w/money orders and everything else in cash, holla, and there wasn't that much of it, anyhow, so I filled out this form saying I only made $100/week [just following instructions] and then I got approved, which I wasn't expecting at all. I think everyone should have free health insurance in this country, so I was at peace with the whole thing. When I got the acceptance package in the mail, I started crying with joy, literally, crying, with joy, yes. Crying .. with joy.

1. Meet People
When did this happen? I don't know. I used to not even write as regularly as I should have for The Michigan Daily in college because I was afraid to attend meetings -- I hated the five minutes before and afterwards, when friends spoke to friends and I stood alone & awkward, projecting the air of a stuck up bitch who thought she was better than everyone, which was kinda true, as all anyone ever wanted to talk about was Weezer. This was before texting, there wasn't much to do on your cell phone besides stare at it. I don't know when I stopped being so shy and self conscious. When I moved here in 2004 I decided to start testing myself, challenging myself to overcome this -- I started facing my fears by compulsively meeting strangers. I'd meet boys or girls online and then arrange to meet them in real life and see what happened. Usually nothing good happened [though, Stephanie, my aforementioned tattooing companion, was one of the people I met this way], but I found it compelling, I started realising, maybe, how there's not really much difference between the people you're afraid of, and the people you talk to, sometimes for hours, or lifetimes.

43 comments:

asher said...

a few things:

-i don't know why i read your blog. but i do. and i enjoy it. so, thanks.

-my roommate (actual roommate) recently got a to do list tattooed on his wrist. it's pretty sweet. i like the 'hand' idea tho.

-i was totally awkward friendless girl in college. it's not that i didn't have friends. but my school broke us up into 'residential colleges' and my friends were in other ones. so like graduation and all, i was secluded and among mere acquaintences. at least that made it easy to pay attn to anderson cooper's speech. love him.

-about the tegan and sara video/crack addition - did you get the con dvd? i think i watched it about four times before one of my friends stole it (and by steal, i mean i forced him to take it home to watch it, which he has yet to do and therefore has yet to return it). to ween you off your addiction you should check out tender forever. she's amazing. she has the personality of a michel gondry character. it's endearing as hell.

Crystal said...

I find getting tattoos easy too, the amount of money I've spent at the tattoo removal clinic is criminal. You'd think my aversion to anything permanent would make getting tatts a lot harder.

The sentence about Weezer made me laugh. I was about to write that I don't get on well with Weezer fans - but the more I think about it, the more I realise that they are the ones who don't get on well with me. That's weird. Anyway.

Razia said...

Yeah I agree with the coming out thing. It's been pretty easy thus far. I guess it's not the means in which you come out by that's hard but the anxiety you experience beforehand, I mean for me anyway.

I'm the biggest fan of tattoos but have yet to find anything that's worth wearing forever, or worth the pain. Pain scares the shit out of me. Moreso when I'm stoned because then I'm a little paranoid too.

Christine said...

I stayed on the elliptical for far to long today...probably because I don't understand it. Am I running or biking? Or treading in jello? My knee always seems to lock at awkward times and I think the man next to me thought I was falling.

To prove I could do it I guess. Ahhh such a subtle metaphor.

Great post.

P.S.
Network with Australians??? They don't even know what 'A shot at LOVE is!'

Ollie said...

Lovely post Riese-love. Keep up the good work.Making your room look grown-up? Does anybody fall in love with rooms? I have a friend who color-coordinates her soap to her towels. No words! Have a lovely week.

The Spaz said...

I've been thinking about getting another tattoo lately. Yet I've this thing about symmetry where it can't be on one side of the body or I'd have to get something on another side to even it out.

A few years back I got one on my right foot. It bothered me so much that I ended up getting one on my left so I wouldn't feel so off balance.

Jo said...

If you want to fuel your addiction (which I would encourage) you should visit teganandsarabanter[dot]blogspot[dot]com they have videos of the totally cute banter that T&S have between songs at their shows.
Tegan and Sara are MTV's artist of the week, which means they use their music as background music for the promotions for their shows, and I've come to realize that they aren't actually going to show more than 2 seconds of actual T&S footage, but does that keep me from whipping my head around to look at the tv anytime I hear their beautiful songs on the teevee? nope, neck totes is sore.

riese said...

asher: love that you specified "actual roommate." i haven't seen "the con" dvd - but I will.
*
crystal: maybe i should get a tattoo on my arm of a mathematical formula and then have it removed the next day.
*
razia: Yes, I think the world has changed quite a bit just in time, almost.
*
christine: You are treading in Jell-O. The first time for me was impossible, I never went back to it for years, now I love it.
*
ollie: I don't even color coordinate my towels to my other towels, let alone give any thoughts to the soap.
*
the spaz: maybe the point of your tattoo could be learning to handle breaking the symmetry.
*
jo: yes! yes! i noticed that on mtv when I was watching the aforementioned shot at love with tila tequila. i was so confused as to why they had t&s clips meshed in with previews for "run's house" or whathaveyou, I felt like maybe they were trying to trick me or that Carly had edited the promos.

Lozo said...

nice try.

Diana said...

You know what's really hard to do? Pedal (pedal?) backwards on the Elliptical. It feels beyond awkward to me and I always feel on the verge of losing my balance and falling off like a retard. Though, I think the ellipical is generally safer than the treadmill. Yesterday I was on the treadmill running and my foot somehow managed to land half on the belt, half off, and then it made a loud screeching noise and I had to lurch for the handle/railing things to keep from falling and everyone stared at me. Yea that was embarassing.

MoonKiller said...

I love watching Tegan and Sara videos, for both the music and the hilarious stories they tell inbetween.

I'm awesome at getting good grades. I did no revision for my science GCSE and was stoned when I took it and I got an A. And I'm shit at science. I think they got me mixed up with someone else.

I'm a really good skiier but I'm afraid of heights and get severe altitude sickness. They told me it would go away in a couple of hours but I had it all week and puked up every meal and got like no sleep.

I was going through a tomboy stage when I had my room decorated like years ago so it's blue and has all soccer things all over it. My rentals keep saying they'll redecorate it once my rooms tidy enough which is like parents langauge for 'No, you're having a new room'.

stef said...

i'm having a great deal of difficulty with many of the things on this list. i've been talking about getting my tattoo for the past year but haven't done it yet as a) i don't have the disposable cash, b) i'm secretly totally scared cos it's my first tattoo, i'm getting it in a painful place (lower left rib cage) and i know it's going to make me cry, which is embarrassing.

i also believe i will never have health insurance ever ever ever again.

however, my room is very shortly going to look like it belongs to a grown-up, which i am massively excited about.

and also, my brother is really good at balloon animals. perhaps someday he can give you a seminar.

haviland said...

who Doesn't color coordinate towels to soap? hm...

Anonymous said...

I love the elliptical!

And to whoever mentioned it the backpeddle is all about just leaning into it. I actually find it easier.

I think it's fucking criminal you can't have free health insurance in the States. It should at least be free for kids! I mean, yeah when you get admitted to a British hospital you might get a major infection like MRSA and not come out alive but at least you don't have to pay for the privilege.

fucking criminal.

Rebecca said...

I love the last few lines of this blog. I was in NYC all last week and I was relieved not to have to talk to anyone, or more accurately, that no one expected me to talk to them.

Being surrounded by people is a great way to stay alone. I'm shy. It's easier to live amongst millions than a few.

You said it far more eloquently than I did. But I share the sentiment. Thank you for your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

soo this comment is off topic to this post (except to say that the con on dvd is like the dvd form of crack- you have to see it). anyway, today i was talking to one of my writing professors about a piece i just turned in about my family/me/etc. she told me that i had been "chosen by the universe" (she's a little kooky) to recieve my special combination. dead dad, gay, substance abusing mom isn't a family situation you usually see. what i wanted to tell her was that i know of at least one other person who has had a somewhat similar experiance- you. i didn't say it because i didn't exactly know how to explain how i know you (or, more correctly, don't). well maybe this isn't off topic- something thats easier than i thought it would be is finding someone with as strange a family as me...
anyway maybe someday we can share stories
-dagny

dewey said...

Ok, number 4, I only wish this was easy for me. Most my friends know, even those that I haven't told I think know and the people that don’t know must be in more denial than myself, I think its quite clear, I don’t try and hide it, I just can't look them in the eye and tell them as such. But then I ask myself do I have to, they never came up to me and said, "Avril I’m straight", why should I have to say, "I’m gay" When I'm out with people that I haven’t told, I still check girls out, I still flirt with girls, I’ve even been know to flirt with a few friends when drunk, but for some reason they think its a joke, that I’m not really gay, they just seem to want me to spell it out, but deep down, I'm still scared of doing that, I'm scared of losing friends over something I have no control over.

But the hardest thing, telling my parents. My brother is gay and when he came out I saw how they reacted, I heard what they said and it scares the hell out of me to think they’ll react in the same way. They had fights about it for a few weeks, and then my mum just didn’t talk to him, not one word for a few months. I knew then that I was gay, I knew way before my brother came out, but I also knew then that I couldn’t go through that. Yeah they're ok now, they don’t like it but they accept it. But I don’t want to let them down, I don’t want them to look at me and only see that. I don’t want them to just accept who I am but I want them to be proud of who I am and I want them to love me just as much as they do now.

The way I see it, its always been who I am and so by telling people it shouldn’t change anything because its always been me. I'll still be, I still am the person they know and love, but yet, when it comes to my oldest friends, the people I love most, my family, I seem to lose my voice.

rs27 said...

I just like the title of your blog. But then again I'm easy to please.

I want a puppy.

riese said...

Lozo: nice try? nice shoulder.
*
Diana: I love it; my shoes are so old and worn out, they're like slippers, and so my toes get numb and tingly, and going backwards I can put the weight on my heels, making the pain in my toes stop. Actually, I think my primary motivator while working out is trying to handle the pain in my toes. That's probs no good. I broke an elliptical trainer two weeks ago and they still haven't fixed it, sidenote.
*
Moonkiller: I don't think I paid attention to science in school but somehow I passed, like with good grades, maybe there's a curve. My old room was decorated with Nolan Ryan posters. Baseball players. And like, the Fab Five. It was sooo hot.
*
stef: You cannot get it there cuz then if you get preggers, it'll stretch out. And you could get preggers one day. Although I'd recommend getting health insurance first. That sounds good, the tutorials.
*
haviland: and bath mats. don't forget the decorative bath mat.
*
Anonymous: It is criminal, the health insurance, that's why I don't mind being a criminal to receive it ... especially since you're also allowed to incur massive medical debts w/o it affecting your credit rating, so I really don't see how America ends up saving money with the present system. And G.W. just rejected another bill that'd give health care to kids ... ugh. ...
*
Rebecca: That's my favorite thing about the city, I think. How much easier it is to be alone, but without feeling lonely. I've tried to put my finger on it ... something to do with the absence of judgment-of-strangers based on endless possibility ... like ... there's this Stephen Dunn poem, 'Corners' ... "I've sat in corners at parties hoping for someone/who knew the virtue/of both distance and close quarters, someone with a /corner person's taste/for intimacy, hard won, rising out of shyness/and desire."
*
Dagny: That is really cool. I had a teacher once tell me that my story was "very NOW." Like, very appropriate for the times, or something, like very contemporary, addressing a proper variety of potential issues of the Modern Age. it is rare. in fact, I guess, it's just you and me.
Maybe someday we can.
*
Dewey: Maybe it's a totes Fairbanks situation, and one or both of your parents are gay. Like the gay gene. 'Cos often that kind of homophobia is centered in self-loathing. E.g., my negative reaction to my Mom coming out. So anyway.

[Everyone can attack me now for saying that.]

Yeah, I got it easy, really lucky I feel, fo'sho. My friend Ryan, he'd always say that he'd come out to his parents eventually, but not 'til he had a real boyfriend that he loved. i thought that was a copout at the time, and I was irked by having to cover for him, but now I understand that -- it's a lot to go through when you don't have anyone to be gay with. So maybe that's a good time? But I dunno, what if you get caught like Spashley. I think your friends will love you either way ... well, also: if you're like, the only out lesbian in your world, then all the other closeted girls will want to sleep with you, that's a big advantage.

seems like you're not so bad at personal statements after all ... ?

You wouldn't be letting them down, p.s. Totes their problem. Whatever it stems from.

[yes, riese, easier said then done for you.]

Maybe read this book: A Woman Like That.
*
rs27: You can have Heart. He is totally unloved, wherever he is now. I have never seen a sadder dog in my life.

dewey said...

The thought of my mum or/and dad being gay seriously made me chuckle. However, with my brother being gay I've totes thought about the gay gene, its got to come from somewhere surely.

I was going to make a joke about all the girls wanting to sleep with me anyway, but, I guess I can only dream. As for being the only out lesbian in my world, it depends which one of my worlds your in.

Seriously though, thanks, every little bit of advice makes me believe that I will be able to do it someday, somehow. I'll read the book, i love that you went to the effort of even putting a link up for the book.

p.s Personal statement is complete and totally rocks!

Anonymous said...

I stopped at Steffanie's pic and like "fly" to rorschach thought "Crystal."

Steffanie : Crystal
Crystal : Steffanie

This is so totally surficial. Free associating off Tila without Tequila.

cait said...

If the world ended tomorrow I wouldn't be surprised, the only thing that would be confusing is why it didn't end today, ya know?

I love when things are easier than expected.. Or when something is way cheaper than you thought, that's always exciting.. I can't remember the last time I felt like that, but I'm sure it felt good. I don't know. Do you need new sneakers? I'm a seriously amazing shoe shopper, srsly, I can shoe shop the way Haviland Ikea shops, which is ultra fantastic.

stef said...

oh cute, you and i have very different ideas about my future plans for my uterus. the answer is nuh-uh.

i figure it's the one place my mom never has to know about it (cos i'm twelve) but where i can still see it and look at it easily and i can still get like, jobs. the kind of job that'd care, assuming i ever wanted one of those.

and it's going to be cool.

Crystal said...

Riese - I do not recommend getting a mathematical formula tattooed on your wrist. Not wise at all. I feel that if I didn't make these mistakes, I couldn't teach the lessons to anyone.

Anon - Is "crystal" me? Like, I look similar to that chick? I've never seen the show. But I am both easy and retarded, so that association would work also. Rorschach is a killer word, I had to google it.

riese said...

dewey: Whenever you are ready to make that joke, I want you to know we're all here for you. It's a good book, I mean, kinda cheesy, but also, I don't know. There's some good writers in there too.
*
anonymous: shock me, shock me, shock me with your devious verbalizations. what do you see in the inkblot's surface, how would you categorize.
*
cait: If it ended today, we couldn't look back on it tomorrow and think how far we've come since all that. Probs that fro-yo was the last time something was cheaper than you expected, that was good. You're an amazing shoe shopper? I just go in ... look at what's on sale ... well, you know the drill ... haha. ha. hah.
*
stef: I know, that's what I think about when i think about tattoos. Jobs. But then you know I can just wear a bracelet. Perhaps a leather wristcuff. Oh! Hello, I already have one.
*
crystal: Thanks for the rec. If I do, I'll at least try and be sure I know what the formula is for.

Oo Lynnie oO said...

aw. it's nice when things are easy.

i liked how you list coming out & getting a tattoo...because recently I've been thinking those 2 processes are kinda similar. I got my first tattoo in August and i started my coming out process (with baby steps) just this week - so it's all fresh in my mind and what not. and dead serious i thought about these 2 things. You have totes read my mind.

but yea...getting that first tattoo is like "omg omg it's gonna hurt, but of course it's gonna hurt. fuck fuck fuck. i don't know. is it worth it? ahh. just do it. do it. do it. you know you want to" an easy metaphor to make, yes, but i think it's true.

and you sit there and you go through it, and even though it hurts, you're glad its happening. and when you walk out, and let it set in...it's like a natural high.(at least for me, im pretty sure i couldn't stop smiling ha)in both getting a tattoo and coming out to someone for the first time.

so that was awesome how this post is reflecting my life haha. good times good times.

Oo Lynnie oO said...

ALSO. when you were talking to Dewey about having someone to "be gay with" ...i pretty much said the exact same thing to my friend Tuesday night. i wish i had that.

so stop pulling things from my real life...geeze. [duh jk]

rocketdyke said...

re: your link to nymag about not actually reading books. this DRIVES ME CRAZY. it seriously makes me want to hurt people. when i was in law school, there was a jerk who for some reason was in ALL of my classes, and he actually said once that he aspired to be a pseudo-intellectual. and he was sitting behind before a class one day, talking to a girl, telling her about his plan for that, how he would read one book by each author that was important and then just read cliff notes on their other works, because that was all it took to be able to talk about them. (now, first of all, why would you want to have conversations about books you never read? it seems the only reason would be to convince other people who havent read those books that you DID read them, and are therefore cooler or smarter or something? but then, why would you advertise that you had not actually read them, as if that were something to be proud of? i digress.)

so hes talking about this, and he starts going through authors. aristotle, totally easy to fake. nietzsche, totally meaningless anyway... and i turned around, interrupted his conversation, and was like, did you just say nietzsche is totally meaningless? how can you say that? did you ever read anything by nietzsche? which thing nietzsche wrote is TOTALLY MEANINGLESS? and he just got this scared wide eyed look, because granted, i was being a little intense at that moment. but i really like nietzsche, and his writing is anything but meaningless, and this jerk was the kind of guy who would talk about something like being an uber-mensch and NEVER REALIZE that that was nietzsche's idea. what a jerk.

if you dont want to read things, then dont read. but dont run around telling peole that things you never read are meaningless, especially when they have had massive influence on all of western culture and stuff. i hate that.

Adam said...

Those things that Rocketdyke said. All of them.

(and no, I can't type that without getting the amazing visual from Lozo's recap...it's like Dr. Strangelove, but way more fun)

Anonymous said...

Devious verbalization?

Dude, all I meant to say was that there's an at-first-glance resemblance. I've not brought myself to the gym lately so as to have a shameless venue for amusing myself with such reality. So, yes, the reference is vague at best and makes no allusion to anyone being easy or retarded.

Category: humour ?

p.s. Not ever having looked at inkblot's surface, I can only imagine that I'd see raised ink.

anonymous rieseophant said...

i love today's truman capote quote ... although now i have madonna in my head.

"they had style, they had grace, rita hayworth gave good face ..."

dewey said...

I have an unrelated question. At what age do people feel you become too old to go trick or treating??

LMC said...

rocketdyke: I totally agree with you. I read that article and it totally left me fuming. People are so stupid!!! But

LMC said...

Also...

dewey: I totally feel you about coming out. I'm more concerned about what my friends will think than what my mom will think, necessarily. But yeah, I don't want to freak my mom out, either. I wish it were easy for me!

And, Riese, I totally just bought that book you linked to! I hope that gives you some kind of Amazon associate cred!

riese said...

lynnie: everything you say is true.
*
rocketdyke: Did you ever read the Atlantic Monthly article "Lost in the Meritocracy" by Walter Kirn? I don't think it's available online anymore, but you'd probably find it interesting.

I too have never understood why people lie about reading books they haven't read, seriously, it's retarded. Maybe it's 'cause I feel I've read, seriously, as much as I possibly could've in my life -- and intend to keep on keepin' on with my reading -- and therefore, I've got no insecurity or guilt ... if that makes sense. honestly, I don't understand the motivation to lie about reading things you haven't read, I just don't get it at all.

Personally, I haven't read Nietzsche though I've heard a whole lot about it! I read like the first 20 pages of 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra' (spelled wrong I'm sure). If anything, I'd say there was so much meaning that I couldn't wrap my little baby mind around it. Like, it was more meaning than plot, to me? The first 20 pages?

I totes feel you about people who use lingo of things they haven't read and then claim books are pointless. I really don't understand how any book can be pointless. Howevs, a lot of teevee shows are def. pointless.

*
adam: totes.
*
anonymous:

"shock me, shock me, shock me with your devious behavior" - Empire Records quote.

free associating here ... "deviant verbalization" ...

You speak illusively, on purpose ... and are surprised when one responds to illusiveness with implied allusions?

Crystal is a name, a noun, a name for other people, a word that sounds nice on the tongue ... I didn't know to what (or who[m]) you referred. That happens to me. Grappling, etc.

*

riesophant: And now ... so do I.

*

dewey: You are never too old to do anything.

*

lmc: Yay! That means I get a little percentage. Like, 2 cents or something. I talked Cait into "savage inequalities" earlier this week, so I think I will be at least a dime richer this week. I'm convinced it adds up, so thank you for ordering it, I hope you like it, you rock.
*
Can I just say how happy I am that people are actually reading my links and my quotes? I didn't know. Yaysers!

LMC said...

Awesome! I'm totes signing up to be an Amazon associate just because I think your A store is so cool and pretty, and also I'm poor, so every little bit helps.

The links and quotes are a great idea! Keep up the good work! /end fangirling.

m said...

last night we were asked to be contestants on the next shot at love show...i was like u mean she needs a 2nd shot!? and she was like no it's a different celebrity but everyone deserves a 2nd shot though right? (sidenote: i really can't put my money on anyone now that rebecca got the boot) i gave her my myspace page incase i 'think of anyone'. so...anyone?? lol. pause; just got an IM from a friend asking if i want to go see uh huh her tonight with her friend who i've never met, just the 2 of us. woo!! plans were changed to squeeze that in, thanks to you riese.

cait said...

i'm gonna see how many ways i can communicate with you.. next comes a bird with a letter, get ready..

you should write for hallmark maybe? also the fro-yo was cheap, good call. want a six pack of cinnabons for 3 dollars? people all around us did

shoe shopping is my specialty, really

also i meant to ask, can you put cds/movies/etc in the autowin amazon shop?

rocketdyke said...

hm. the atlantic monthly article is only available to subscribers, and im not one. id like to read it though, if you can access it and email it to me.

rocketdyke said...

also, yes nietzsche is VERY full of meaning, and i think you did spell zarathustra right, which is the book where he talks about the uber-mensch. you could totally wrap your brain around nietzsche, hes actually very readable, for a philosopher. but zarathustra is a little dense. start with something else. like "on good and evil", just to get a taste for his writing. then you can probably read zarathustra.

Valley Girl said...

I was thinking the SAME thing about that girl on Tila Tequila's show. Maybe she just wanted to be on TV?

basia said...

dewey - i feel like 16 is the cutoff point. once you're 17+, you're way too old to be trick or treating on halloween. instead, the night should be spent drinking and/or smoking drugs and/or having sex (but preferably all 3).

asher said...

just thought i'd make you jealous.
just saw stars perform tonight with magnet.

they were amazing.

tourquil campbell was theatrical and superb, as i expected. and towards the end i found myself drawn to amy millan and her sexy voice/dance moves.

he prefaced one more night with 'this is a song about being fucked to death.' and sang 'are you ready to be heartbroken' as you could imagine willy wonka would before leading into 'personal'.

it was really good. you should go see them in new york, whenever they hit up that way.