Friday, August 29, 2008

What You See is YES WE CAN: "Vote Autowin in '94" VIDEO! Flannel, Flannel Everywhere!

If there was a ride at Disneyworld called "The 1994 Experience" or "Carousel of Progress to 1994," we could all time travel to 1994 and then I'd totally win the Hot Blogger Contest, 'cause that's the year I wore headgear and a lot of flannel. Also, I LOVE time travel. If you haven't voted for me yet, what are you waiting for?! Don't you believe in freedom? Actually, looking back on the 26 prestigious years of my life, I think I probs looked the worst between '93-'96. When I'm a senior citizen, it's likely I'll look like Dorothy from Golden Girls (on account of my towering amazonian stature), which'll be depressing, so then I'm gonna OD on Vioxx and die beautiful like Kurt Cobain. See, I kinda just brought it back around.

See, I could pack right now, or get my life together or cry violently, but why do that when I could campaign? I love campaigning! So many fleetingly imperative blogging contests to auto-win, so little time! Maybe I should put my actual banner back up. Actually the problem now is that I can't find my actual banner anywhere on my hard drive.

Anyhow! I'm short on time, so I decided that 'cause I'd already begun making a tribute to 1994 video for part two of the "Back in the 90's" Top Ten, I could easily transform that artistic masterpiece into my campaign video! Obvs I was inspired by Obama tonight, YES WE CAN! Also I especially liked Barney Smith. That man is gonna be a star like Haviland.

The picture is smashed or something. Much like life itself, I can't seem to make this work. I'm aiming for the Top 40, like Casey Casum! Click out to the youtube page to see it in high quality. Also when you are in the male section, obvs vote for Atherton.

40 comments:

athertonbartelby said...

OMG. That video wins on so many different levels. I totally wish they allowed more than one vote so I could stuff the ballot box for you! I've given up on winning myself, so am now considering pimping out / campaigning for my friends who are nominated. Because YES WE CAN right?!

Anonymous said...

I love the Missy Higgins twitter, she is super hot.
Where I Stood was my get over my ex break up song.

Vashti said...

HaHA. I'm back to my late night/earl morning commenting. I see this as a success. Much like that video!! It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me really wish I could damn the man and vote multiple times!! You've inspired me like Obama [whose speech I looooved, by the by]. I don't know what I'm gonna do with all this inspiration. Maybe I'll get out of the house for the first time in about two weeks. Maybe not. INSPIRATIONNNNNN.

Please forgive my rambling, it's latelatelate and this is what I do. [I actually just woke up, as opposed to just staying up. OFF TO BED AGAIN!]

Love from the land of illegal treehouses!

Vashti said...

PS - I just busted the system and voted for you a second time. G-D! I feel like a true Chicagoan right now. B-R-B while I go vote under the names of dead people. Democratic machineee!

Anonymous said...

great dance moves!

rod said...

mini automatic win! I have no words. Except amazing.

You should advertise the fact that you have easily the longest name on the whole list of hot female bloggers as an extra selling point for ease of voting. Clearly, I'm super committed to the cause, but I'll admitt that there were times during my lonely scroll down that never-ending list that I reflected maybe my time could/should be better spent.

Happily, I found you and your snappy name first, marie lyn bernard (this girl called automatic win), or as I call you in my head to save time, MLB(TGCAW).

emily kate said...

I love that you put up highly embarassing videos of yourself in jr high. LOVE. I tend to deny that those years ever happened.
It's compelling enough to make me do like Vashti and stay true to my Chicago roots by circumventing the system to vote for you again...

Adam said...

The wayback machine only has a copy of the page from 1996, so I was unable to dig up your banner from there. I'll check my cache when I get home (the browsers at work are set to dump everything daily).

In "News You Can Use", because you probs need a pick-me-up (but not cocaine like Kit De Luca in Pretty Woman, a fer reals pick-me-up):

Last night I went to one of those convention-watching micro-parties of like a dozen people in a suburban living room signing up to volunteer and watching the speeches. The speeches were good, ofc, even great, but the most exciting thing that happened wasn't on the teevee. About 10 o clock when Whatshisface from Illinois came out to introduce The Big Guy and everyone in Denver started cheering, the host of the party called upstairs to his children: "Kids, get down here! Barack Obama is on the television!" They ran down the stairs, sat at their parents feet, and watched together.

I don't care where you stand on the issues, or how coolly cynical you affect, or whether you think he's the Antichrist Himself...parents, the unlikeliest parents, working-class, disenfranchised, tired parents, are telling their children that this matters!

As embarrassing as W is (and plenty!), more embarrassing by far is that our young people have for years refused to participate in the political process. They've opted out (hai Crystal!). And worse, their parents have told them that this is OK.

Finally someone, something, has come along that's made people tell their kids: this is important! get up! do something! watch this!

And that, friends, is change we can believe in.

Think socialism is bunk? Fine. Think government programs aren't the answer to economic collapse? Fine. Think it was a woman's turn? Fine. Think he's wrong about nearly everything? Fine. But for fuck's sake, does any of that matter an iota against sending the message that we want a leader that our kids can, and should look up to? Against getting young people invested instead of divested of interest?

Politics is marketing, and if a pitch works they'll use it again, amplify it, perfect it. Is there any issue important enough to outweigh putting your stamp of consumer approval on "expand the electorate; get people involved; be your democracy!"

Kids, get down here. Barack Obama is on the television.

Adam said...

by 1996 I meant 2006. oops.

eric mathew said...

OMG. You are so effing cute. I mean your still totes adorbes now, but young riese is cute.

anyway... have a nice day.

cheers.
emc

Cookie Monster said...

i can't believe you were holding yourself up by your arm and not your vagina. you just can't trust people on the internet these days. first the boner pills, now this. i bet that african dude isn't going to send me $7 million now that i've given him my social security number and bank account info, either. pfft.

and being hot on the inside counts for nothing. luckily you're hot on the outside too. unfortunately you're not as popular as the others on that list. that's the way the cookie crumbles.

actually, now that i think about it, your cookie most definitely would've crumbled if you were using it to support your weight on that pole. i'm so foolish.

MoonKiller said...

That video is comedy gold fo'sho.

And here's what the people of Mock The Week think of the election: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWApSrLThDM

Lexi said...

I voted :)

'94 Riese was def a cuter version of Emma from Degrassi without the dolphin pants.

Razia said...

What is up with them neglecting the ever reliable system of alphabetical ordering? Just because they make it harder to find you, doesn't mean I'm going to take time to go through the other losers.

Also, let's talk about that Missy Higgins twitter feed for a moment. My ex loves to cry whenever it plays, which can make for very awkward moments driving to uni, and the funny part is that she is the one that left!!! Ha. Some people love the drama. End rant.

Cool video.

riese said...

OMG! obvs tinkerbell will be responding to everyone later since I can't get my shit together, but um, Lexi,y eah? About Degrassi? Thank you as I have tried to tell about 500 people that my personal development particularly my haircut and late puberty and hair color development all mirrored exactly Emma from Degrassi. Which is why I love her, among other reasons.

and i love all of you! All of you! i love everyone!

dani said...

flannel, braces and dancing...like all-time essentials. i love that video AND of course i voted.
yes we can: i heard today that english version of bob the builder says "can we fix it" and the choir responds "yes we can". that made me laugh. it's the little things in life...
xoxo

Haviland Stillwell said...

Adam, omg you are so super slammin' hot for that comment...I just read it aloud to my former politician father. I'll be quoting you all weekend. Holler!

autumn m said...

ok you realize you put embarassing video up and everyone can see it right? i just wanted to make sure. ok umm so i love me some flannel. still do. and the fact that i was not the only person in the world who wore flannel to school when i was younger makes me happy. you went up like five notches on the cool list. and pretty much your dance moves rock. oh man what a laugh. that just makes my day brighter. and could someone please tell me how to vote more than once?? i have many hours to waste here. i could vote all day. i dont have much of a life.

cookies said...

OMFG! My zine came in the mail today with my shirt! It was bare fast... like 2 days to London. I love it! It's gold and shiny and.. yeah. Thanks :D and also to your magical girlfriend. One of you has super cute handwriting.

autumn m said...

ok so not that you can or that i would, but hypothetically if you could vote more than once is 100 to many times??? is it creepy? cause if i could vote more than once, that would be what im up to now. my finger sure would hurt from all that clicking.

AV Flox said...

You are riding my ass on that thing! In a few hours, you'll be on top.

I could dig that!

Adam said...

Conferred on this, and the verdict is that you should throw it away. Not necessarily because ick (though...ick, I think), but because if there's any question, you can't feel comfortable with it, and if you can't feel comfortable you can't feel sexy. Unless you're into uncomfortable...but that's a different sort of uncomfortable. I think.

This is a really hard question.

hrmph.

riese said...

If I wasn't being closely watched by my patient friends who are trying to help me get all my shit out of this apartment by tomorrow at 4 P.M. so that I can begin my life on the streets, I would respond to each and every one of these comments with the care and love they deserve.

Instead I'll have to wait 'til tomorrow to do so BUT I WILL. Or um tinkerbell will. In the mean time, um, thanks you guys are so awesome really for sure!

Also, i hope that the website gets its shit together some time soon so that I can figure out what the contest is for exactly. I just want a calendar so that I know what day it is. obvs.

Lexi said...

You like degrassi too? Thats amazing beyond words. It always made me feel like any issues i had/have were normal. Too many new characters on the new seasons, but I am still addicted.

But yes you were very Emma like. My faves were Paige, Ellie, Marco and JT...sad he got stabbed.

green said...

i already voted, of course, but if i hadn't? that video would've cinched it.

the best part is that you've always been you. isn't that great? that made more sense in my head. you understand.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gAeDCXOZTE

My fav show of the 90's after MSCL and kinda in between the controversy of felicity cutting her hair... thats right ladies Popular.

It is a hard knock life, and rupaul is your daddy.

Anonymous500

basia said...

ooh, i just checked and you've almost got 500 votes! i was votes #7 and 35, the latter on my girlfriend's computer, who asked what i was doing when she noted my confused expression as i was scrolling for your name. so i told her, and she said "wow you must have a lot of time on your hands". but i don't really, i don't. it's just called commitment to a cause, like saving the seals. the video is brill, hope you win!

eric mathew said...

hey baby girl,

you and tink should hit the road and move to LA with me, and live in Ronnie's house. i hope everytghing is going well.

Leah said...

I voted (I think, there was no submit button?)

I just had to comment on Dorothy. Im a huge GG fan and I always say when Im elderly I hope to dress like her---big flowy clothes, rolled sleeves, chunky belts, gaudy jewelry. Of course, sequins and rhinestones will be saved only for special nights out to, you know, banquets and fund-raisers.

riese said...

atherton: I still don't know what the prize is, but today we came up with a hot idea for a photo shoot where you'll be in drag, I'll be in drag, and Tinkerbell will be in drag as a cat! What month do you think that is?

anonymous: Sometimes I listen to break up songs instead of hearing break up songs, I hear "we can work it out" songs. That might be an analogy for my life.

vashti: First of all, re the comment that's not up anymore, you're effin' amazing. I wouldn't recommend getting out of the house. But if you do, be careful. If you don't, keep voting. Or um, telling your friends to vote? You know. "friends." Illegal is the only way to go. What we need to do is get some offshore voters involved, maybe some Iraqui soilders!

Anonymous: Thank you, I learned everything I know from Alex Vega, even before she was born.

rod: I know, you know what they say about girls with long names! Anyone who votes is auto-committed. That website is slower than OurChart for sure. xoxo mlbtgcaw, long just like my sentences.

emily kate: Oh I'm obsessed with my embarassing memories. Almost perversely open about them. Like I'm time-traveling to 1994 and making myself feel better, all the way from over here.

adam: I have re-found the banner, thanks to stefalicious, and updated it.
I was really having The Sads for a long time and sometimes I can model through The Sads by listening to inspirational tunes from broadway musicals and singing and dancing, but this week I just listened to Obama's speech over and over again, waved my edie beale american flags, and felt like, a lot better. So. You know. WORD. yes we can, etc.

adam: good, I was really worried you'd found this.

eric mathew: I tried to balance out the embarassing footage with the photos of me on the day I got a makeover. srsly. makeovers were very in in '95.

cookie monster: I found you out, mister, you do not have cookies. You are David Lozo dot com and I have seen your site, and your talk of the sports and the fat girls. I'm not near as popular as the others on the list, I'm actually kind of surprised I've made it this far. You know what that is david lozo junior? That is what we on the pole call DEDICATION!

moonkiller: I love gold! Gold like the 'zines!

lexi: Totally, totally, and totally. (except Emma was cuter, but okay.)

Razia: It's hard to imagine, I think, as the one being left, that it can be just as hard for the one who's leaving. But I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that it can be. I guess the thing is; we all prefer to be the one in control, I think, ultimately. And, losing that, can be. a lot.

riese: Nice shoulder!

dani: It is, it is the little things in life. The thing is that now I don't own a single flannel. You know? Like wtf?

Haviland Stillwell: Babypop just told me I could finish writing comments if I stopped talking about Obama.

autumn m: Your comment made me LOL. If I went up five notches on the cool list where does that place me excatly do you think? If you were, hypothetically, to want to vote for me all day, I would say, please go for it. Just like if you found a way or whatever.

cookies: 2 days to London! That's faster than it gets to Jersey! You know what I have to say about that? MAGIC! (it's the girlfriend with the super cute handwriting)

autumn m: That is not too many times. There is no such thing as a bad finger exercise.

AV Flox: I was on top for a few hours, but now you're on top again. But you know, you're flexible. And I can get used to that.

Adam: I DID throw it away! Actually I think that might be the most expensive thing I've ever thrown away. I figured I've not asked myself that question enough times to finally ask myself that question this time. Plus, really, I just have too much stuff, let alone extra body parts.

riese: OMG! Nice shoulder!

Lexi: Do I ever! That's one of like three shows I've seen this decade. I don't know, I usually stay in on Friday nights. I tried to tell my little brother about how I'm just like emma but he didn't want to listen. I can't talk about JT I will get too sad.

green: It makes sense in my head too. You understand.

Anonymous 500: hello old friend. carly likes that show, I mean, she used to talk about it. Maybe one day I'll get into it. I like shows that get cancelled. If a thing is good, a thing is good enough to get cancelled.

basia: You need to tell your girlfriend about the plight of the seals. I feel like if she understood what it's like to be a seal, she'd understand why i need to be scrolled and then won.

eric mathew: Oh if I lived with you, you would kick me out I promise. I am un-live-able with. there's only one person i could ever live with and she doesn't want to live with me but everything is okay 'cause I'm in babypop's basement with a vodka-vodka.

Leah: I know right? it's like really complicated. I feel like I really gave it my all times 1,000 just to scroll. I love sequins. I want to take back sequins, and then I want to fund-raise. I want to have a fundraiser with a sequin contest. Tinkerbell will win, Julia Allison will win second place, and I will win sixth place, and then me and Atherton will be in a c

autumn m said...

i totally get it. so if you went up on my cool list by five notches that would place you about....3. yeah thats sounds about right. basically it's a list that i wrote down on toilet paper when i was bored. i'll send you a picture so you can proudly display it. i know it will make your day. and no joke, hypothetically, my pointer finger is swollen. not joking. you may be laughing, but im not. it is hypothetically sore and unbendable. i dont know if this comes from ...you know, or if its just a coincedence. just thought you should know.

Vashti said...

Thank you. Obvs you're amazing too. I mean, just look at the polls! The people love you darling. Oh and fyi I decided against leaving the house until September 20th when I leave the land of illegal treehouses for the land of granola eaters who enjoy rain.

PS - autumn m.. You're awesome. I would feel responsible [and very, very sorry] for your pain if you were to hypothetically use a method I proposed. I'd also suggest that if your finger is swollen, you should ice it a bit. Maybe take some advil. =]

dani said...

to be honest: i've never had any flannel...i think the flannel came to europe a bit later and then i was too cool to wear it...so that's my excuse.

Meelee said...

I actually pressed vote about 647 times. It was of course, accidental, as it's very wrong for me to abuse my voting priviledge. But i've been on crack for 5 nights in a row and my hands are very shakey.
I'm not sure it's allowed to vote that many times, and it might not count. Like crack.

Meelee said...

P.S I always want to display the nonsecure items.

A. said...

"Marie's Awesome Web Page"... I have no words.

"The Unofficial Leonardo DiCaprio Homepage A shrine to my future husband."

It's hard to find just one highlight.

Razia said...

I love that you answer my drunken questions. Real answers as well. *sigh* This is what goodness feels like, or marijuana, but yeah, goodness.

eric mathew said...

Your unlivable? I could be just as bad.

I got so pissed once because someone took a shower in my bathroom and I could not shave because my skin is weirdly affected from heat... I was so effing angry.

But it's okay I understand. We can just be neighbors than.

Crystal said...

Just recieved my zines and was thrilled. It's possibly the best $12 I've ever spent - they're gonna give me a great ROI on eBay one day.

But seriously, what an ace job tigers, they look awesome. The postcard was made me lol, Australia is all about the golden fields of wheat.

AV Flox said...

I have Atherton on the phone and he's like, "OMG, did you notice that Riese added you to her blog roll?" I was like, "no wai!" and he goes, "she spelled your name wrong, she has you as AV Fox." And I'm like, "well, honey, can you blame her? I am a fox!"

Free advertising! Don't change it!!!! LMAO.