insomnia poem #10
i'm not in school anymore
but i like to change my whole life
every august; second nature, fluid future
i dreamed last night i pressed the accelerator
when i meant to brake/break.
is there an expiration date
on bad habits. on self-destruction.
at first, you've done something for a few days.
e.g., a drink, a person, a pill
and then before you know it
it's a month
and then suddenly
(gradually, and then suddenly)
it's been years and years.
secretly i'm a lightweight
but good at playing it straight
men used to drive me
and today i listened to fiona apple by accident
because of the alphabet
reminded me of driving my white car to his house and
it will be dark, we will yell at each other
on the driveway. as if things like this
[our words, the vast empty in-state air
full of nothing but what we gave it]
are a matter of life or suicide.
little edie: "there are other ways to kill yourself
i really do think
then swigging down that awful stuff.
back to school,
aren't you cool
get ready to rule.
if you're still wondering about the dream
i switched feet before
i saved myself
quote: "... I knew: if I really forgave her, something vast and infinite would open up inside me, some place wide and blue, and I couldn't enter such a place. It would be like some kind of health spa -- where you go in naked, without any things. God, would I ever be lost in a place like that." (stacey richter, "the beauty treatment")
1. I have way too many feelings about this article (No. #1: How does this writer have a job writing about lesbians in pop culture and I don't?): A New Meaning for Lesbian Chic (@afterellen)
2. One of many problems with the one-child policy in China: Plight of the Little Emperors (@psychology today)
3. Only the Lonely - on loneliness, lonerhood, etc. (@the smart set)
4. Balancing Your Books Budget: Reading for the Recession. (@the guardian uk books)
5. Apparently all the other ladies are making serious money from blogging. Dooce, dooce, dooce, my loins, my love, dooce, c'mon, tell me your secrets ... (@the nytimes)
6. The Sexualization of Female Olympians. (@feministing)
7. Inside the Nation's Largest Mental Institution. (@npr)
8. Black Models Take Off. (@the village voice)
9. Adventure on the Moors! A Bronte "Choose Your Own Adventure." You are Mr. Lockwood, a businessman and a plucky intrepid detective from London ... (@yankee pot roast)
10. Five Years Ago Today (yesterday), we were in the dark: When the Lights Went Out. (@the nytimes)