Monday, March 03, 2008

Why Don't We Get Drunk and VLOG?: A Place For Friends

Artists face many roadblocks on the path to brilliance. For example, I edited this vlog on an airplane while a man with no consideration whatsoever for my process fully reclined right into my lap. I could've kissed him on the nose to see if he'd turn into a Prince (like the Frog Prince) but I didn't, I'm not the poky little puppy, I'm a mature adult with important things to do. Although I quickly developed a physical/logistical solution to this spatial dilemma (thank you, college!), I was plagued by homicidal instincts that continued to hinder my efforts. Furthermore, I learned mid-flight there's a new version of iMovie I haven't yet acquired, which means other You Tubers are operating with a clear advantage over me, which gives me intense techno-jealousy. How can I compete? I mean, I know it's not a competition. And even if it was, it might just end a day early without warning anyhow.

Nevertheless, I have completed Vlog #19 featuring Guest-Host David Lozostieburgsmith of Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog?, and consequently I've posted it here for your enjoyment.

Lozo and I shot a lot of footage for this vlog, so there'll for sure be a #20. I was careful this time to save the really good stuff for next time. Topics discussed in Vlog #19 include The Sport, The Haviland and Lozo's feelings about children. It also features Semicolon/Alex/Littlefoot and a special surprise ending with a special surprise guest. No fast-forwarding, this isn't Back to the Future. There's also a special Lozo PSA, and I want to emphasize that the views expressed in this PSA do not necessarily reflect the views of the station or its owners.

I was in L.A. this weekend and I've determined I could never live there and would probs rather live in Ohio, 'cause then at least I could get a cheap apartment, shop at Odd Lots, and go to the Corn Festival with my Grandma. Also I think living in Ohio would be a valuable cultural experience. In the photo above you can see Tinkerbell is enjoying the sunshine.

Okay, here's the vlog!


Adam said...


First off, omg, my wordver is nmcxoi, which is an anagram of a misspelling of the name my first girlfriend used to scream during sex. Which is odd, because she told me I was her first too, but whatevs. I'm sure 'nmcxoi' was just some movie star she was obsessed with or something.

Also...I don't understand the bit about Lozo's arms. Why would one be bigger than the other? Does this have to do with his totally awesome sports related injury? Does A;ex play hockey too?

I feel like I have a lot of questions right now.

Why am I being a giant tool in a public space?

Did I mention my wordver?

omgomgomg we need part two like yesterday!


Karen said...

The bit where you spliced in silent shots of Haviland with her long dark hair was very creepy a la The Ring! :-/

Alicia said...

As one of the few straight chicks that reads this blog...

...uh sup weird crush on Lozo.

I don't think I like this turn of events.

eric mathew said...

I always weirdly pictured Lozo not like that at all. and he is actually hot. i'm not sure why i find that so weird. i enjoyed his hav imnpression. i know she is in LA but i mean you will def win an oscar for that performance at the end...if was dynamite.

btw semicolon and i are having kids so i mean if you want to be godmother i only find it fitting.

p.s. my word verifacation was a mixed up initals of the first straight boy i made out with. jokes.

Anonymous said...

i can't talk about competitions right now cause i am filled with hot rage, but the look on your face when you found out about imovie was amazing, much like this vlog. littefoot should acquire that hat immediately, lozo with a hoodie might a critter make, and hav is a future movie star... clearly. lastly, i think lozo jinxed the word verification cause it never shows up anymore, tragic really.- caitttt

rs27 said...

I always thought it was pronounced La-zo. Now I know. and now that my computer has sound I can watch this without having to put in my own dialogue which usually consisted of the phrases,

"Lets make out."


"Lets get naked."

riese said...

adam: OMG, I think I need to restart the comment contest just to give you an award. It can be called the "I LOL'ed on the stairmaster" award, maybe, which is oddly enough, less weird than what everyone else is doing at my gym o' carnival freaks.

To answer your questions: one of Lozo's arms was injured in a tractor pull, Alex plays roller hockey in the summertime with Wayne and Garth, public spaces need tools, and you did mention your wordver, and it was a poignant and thoroughly touching memory.

karen: Also we somehow managed this twin peaks-y lighting, I feel like that didn't make matters any better.

Alicia: I feel, however, that Lozo will like this turn of events.

eric mathew:Lozo will really like this turn of events! What fun! I'd love to be a godmother, absolutely, everyone will think it's my baby until they notice that it's 5 feet shorter than me, like semicolon herself.

caitttt: If your word veri did show up, it would probably say urmachwaaaa which is the sound people make when they're on airplanes for six hours. We'll have to go to Lozo's and steal that hat, maybe leave a hoodie in return.

rs27: I think I'm going to pronounce it that way from now on. Those dialogue points are usually a safe bet, it's ashame I forgot to insert those key phrases into this vlog ... or did I?!!

Lozo said...

i talk way too quietly. i think if we do this again, i need to wear a mic on my shirt, because i spend most of this talking into a beer.

and i feel bad for eric and alicia. if they didn't have to find out how smoking hot (lol) i was, they'd be far less disappointed about not seeing my genitals after your second-place finish.

Adam said...

It's true...we're all pretty disappointed we're not going to be able to see Lozo's "tractor", but the new crushers probably have it worst.

In other news, I bet the place that sells the now-famous Dyke-duck allows for the billing and shipping addresses to differ.

I'm just throwin' that out case someone was thinking of getting their favorite blogger a Daylight Savings Time present this weekend.

Bridget said...

my word verification is :


a;ex said...

omg jock jams holla!! i loves it.

also, please dont do that thing where haviland creeps in from the background EVER again. omg.

for the record - i used to play hockey (with the boys) when i was 13 (omg surprise!)
lozo, i think you and i have a LOT more bonding to do.

Anonymous said...

hypothetically, if one were to purchase said dyke duck as a "you've been robbed" prize, one would need an address of a marie lyn bernard.

chrissy said...

I'm waiting for the day when my word ver is rlyrsrly...

"Everyone knows Haviland's f*cking hot." Way to be totes obvs, Lozo.

Oh, and my mom watched this vlog with me. AUTO-WIN!

chrissy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

For the record, you probably don't even want the new iMovie. It sucks compared to the old one. Just saying.

Ms. Jackson said...

Well, I'm gonna go on ahead and jump on the Lozo train. He's kinda ummm....yum.

Coffee Stained said...

The other people are right... the new imovie isn't as good. I have been trying to decide if i should go back to Tiger just so that I can get it back!

I don't know you at all.. AND i'm from CANADA... and I'm writing a comment on your blog. This is weird.

It's imovie's fault. Awkward...

Mercury said...

this girl totes started the word verification thing? It's like, sacred to my soul. Which means, you are blasphemy, like, as it brathes.

But at the same time, like, no kidding, it's retarted.

Mercury said...

*** edit: as it breathes.


which is PhD in women's haircuts, which obviously whc=womens haircuts in the computer at work, and vew is verifaction wins. buahahha

Allie said...

I'm pretty sure living in Ohio is not a cultural experience (although Odd Lots might be, but Corn, Pumpkin, and Apple festivals are overrated) but perhaps it's because I've lived here my whole life. I need to experience more, like the Carousel of Progress. But then, Ohio matters a lot today. I hope, at the end of the day, I'm proud to be an Ohioian.

Peach said...

shit, lozo's actually quite hot? I thought I'd been entertaining the geeky lust of a sports nerd

riese said...

lozo: you just need to speak up, like we do. maybe you'll have more confidence now that everyone has a crush on you. Having been completely robbed of my crown and my long-standing plans for a last day push, I've resigned to the fact that there's probs a lot of private parts I'll never see now. Yours, Chasey Lane's latex vagina, and so forth.

adam: I didn't know it was Daylight Savings Time this weekend, I will need a present for SURE. You know how to get in touch with me. I can't put my address on the comment board for everyone to see, because of stalkers. I mean, most stalkers would be deterred by the immense crackhead population in my general vacinity ("free security" I call it), but if my stalkers are crackheads, then they won't get scared, they'll kist keep walking. So you know ... whispers (facebook message me)

bridget: my word verification is LOZOLOZOLOZO

a;ex: Hey has anyone ever told you that you look like Riese? Clearly you and Lozo have a lot of potential hockey stories to swap, no background-Haviland could ever match that.

chrissy - Does your Mom think that Lozo is hot?

anonymous - really? but the old imovie (6.0 is what i have) sucks really bad too, like if I use special effects it gets so weird I have to delete everything and it invents these weird clips and messes up the sound and I can't group clips together and so forth.

ms jackson - this is my favorite train ever, come on ride it .

coffee stained - see i have the latest kind of jungle cat on my computer but it didn't come with the new imovie. I can't imagine anything being worse than the old imovie, it's so terrible, how is the new one worse? tell me, canada, tell me!

mercury - you're exempt, I'm sure, 'cause you're clever. And I feel you just demonstrated that as well, clearing anyone's doubts that anyone could ever have. i want to do typo verification -- brathes = the sound of breathing from far, far away.

allie - Ohio DOES matter a lot today. What I like about Ohio is that it's not overrated at all. No one pretends like Ohio is where all the cool people are, no one's like "omg, do you think paris will be at gold star chili tonight? I hear lohan's planning to hit up King's Island tomorrow!"

peach - lozo may be hot, but i promise his lust is still geeky.

caitlinmae said...

my word veri has the word gun in it.
Also, I want to be the dining car on the Lozo-attraction train. He's brawny and probably one of the most hetero people I've ever, you know, poked on facebook and watched on the internet.
Adorable as always, my dear.
PS-I can only imagine how the fisting/scissoring footage went over on your nosy plane neighbors.

caitlinmae said...


riese said...

caitlinmae: Luckily I think my plane neighbors were even bigger sinners than I, as we were on Virgin America filled with wannabe rockstars and other d-list celebrities (I had headphones on, but every single person going to the bathroom was not-so-secretly clearly watching what i was doing from their vantage point in the bathroom, probs reading lips like Jodi). I'd like to call "caboose" on the lozo train.

That link didn't paste all the way, but I'm amused to see how Lozo would be linked on brooklyn vegan!


lozo: Because you've turned off comments on your blog, I'm informing you right here that: 1) your latest blog made me laugh a lot, about the salad and the birthdays 2) Guess who DID go out with you for your birthday sorta? (memememe). 3) You're wrong about Tina Fey and Amy Sedaris.

Lozo said...

i am neither from brooklyn nor a vegan, but good looking out though.

riese: are you going to comment on my posts here? that would be fun. and only girls find amy sedaris funny, and the opinion of women obviously doesn't count in today's society. go make me lunch. peanut butter and jelly. cut off the crust.

Lozo said...

two other things:

1. did someone actually refer to my penis as a "tractor?" i'm not even sure what that means. "hop on my tractor." ok. i guess it works. puts a new spin on the seinfeld tractor story.

2. brawny? really? who wants paper towels?

MCBias said...

Ah, so that's how us male bloggers become blog gods, vlogs to pander to our lesbian fan base (takes copious notes). No, kidding aside, Lozo's attempts to pretend he loves feminine sports were entertaining.

Usually I disagree with calling women in videos "hot", but I'm making an exception for a certain underappreciated punctuation mark. Wow, wasn't that subtle?

caitlinmae said...


The joke's less funny once it's been dissected.

Lozo- yes, brawny. but more on one side than the other. and not just because I like the brawny man. I prefer quilted northern paper towels.

Adam said...

re: "tractor"

I was just working off of Riese' suggestion that you injured your finger at a tractor pull in reply to my joke about the difference in arm size.

re: crackhead stalkers

I totally quit one of those two things years ago...if only I could remember which one.

eric mathew said...

While Lozo is wrong about Amy and Tina he is right about Chelsea Handler...she just isn't funny.

on a side note your eye makeup looks great on the latest vlog.

Anonymous said...

So the deal with iMovie is this: iMovie 08 is drastically different from iMovie 06 in several ways, namely interface and capabilities. The new iMovie is like a consumer version of Final Cut's interface, sort of, except infuriatingly oversimplified. But they took a lot of the features out too, like the effects and transitions. I have yet to meet anyone who used the old iMovie and doesn't hate the new one, and I run into a lot of iMovie users in my line of work.

But good news, coffee stained, and whoever else is suffering with the new need to go back to Tiger. If you bought and installed iLife 08, you can still download iMovie 6 HD by going here:

If you bought a Mac that came preinstalled with iLife 08 and/or Leopard, I think you still can download and install old iMovie (if it's not already on your hard drive.) I haven't tried, because I put Final Cut Studio on my new iMac, so I haven't had a need, but I think it still works.

Riese, and anyone else interested, the new iLife has awesome upgrades for the rest of the programs; iPhoto 08 especially is pretty awesome, but if you're thinking about upgrading just for iMovie, don't do it.

If you're that unhappy with iMovie 6 and you want a better solution, you might consider upgrading to Final Cut Express. Yes, it's kind of a big jump up, and yes, you'd have to relearn a bit, but you could put those other YouTube users in their place...

And FYI, my word verification was nutrug. . .

Coffee Stained said...

Dear United States,
I'm with anonymous. imovie08 feels sort of like a kid sized version. There's lots you can't do, and it's annoying. It's over simplified and not in that, "good I can finally understand what derrida is saying" kinda way.
No fancy things with text, no slowing down video (or speeding up).. there's only about 10 transition options... There's a lot missing basically.
I'm going to try this fancy downloading thing suggested by our nameless friend.

Haviland Stillwell said...

chrissy, i love that you watched this with your mother...completely amazing!

riese - this was neat and spoooooky! ;)

Crystal said...

Lozo, you're a stud.
Riese, nice editing.

Are you guys in a hotel room?

I could never live in LA either, not unless I could live in close proximity to The Planet etc etc.

Lozo said...

i just noticed the "rising stars" tag. well-played. remember back when haviland was a rising star before i stole her thunder? i don't. haviland who-well?

riese said...

lozo - your food choices really are gay. also, i made a joke about tractors, you'll have to trace it back to find out where it came from. Also, you know, the word "brawny" existed way before paper towels were even invented.

MCBias - Your proclamation about a certain underappreciated punctuation mark was way more subtle than lozo's proclaimed appreciation for women's golf ... and also, it's way more true.

caitlinmae - I don't think I get it, still. But that's okay, I don't get a lot of things.

Adam - It's the crack that's stopping you from remembering.

eric mathew - thanks!! I've been carefully cultivating my eye makeup application skills for a long long time.

Anonymous & Coffee Stained --

Totally sold me on not selling me on it. I don't really use iphoto and stuff much, so there's no need I guess to get ilife. But if I get final cut express, will my computer be fast enough to run it? I have a lot of stuff on my computer (2 GHZ intel core duo, 1GB memory 667 MHz -- I don't know what those numbers mean, but thought perhaps they'd be healthy). i used to use Adobe Premiere, I thought iMovie seemed really easy at first until I realized how often it fucks up -- like with the effects and transitions and stuff. What's the advantages to the new imovie? Why does anyone get it?

Haviland - I think it's the lighting.

Crystal - Lozo and I only meet in hotel rooms, obviously. I couldn't find the planet, though i asked "Is that The Planet?" at every coffee shop we passed.

e. said...

At first I was like, oh look, the famous Lozo's all pasty and wears a backwards baseball cap. But then it turns out he's really funny and dimpled. So where do I get a ticket?

It was kind of you not to make us go into complete Haviland-withdrawal. Also, A;ex is cool, and nice music choices.

I feel like I should be making a wordver joke here...

alicia said...

Since the Lozo bandwagon is turning Autowin into bizarroland...

Ah-hem... ya know, Riese/Haviland/Semicolon/Carly(who must be hanging out with Mark and Papi) you guys are still cool.

It's all very Saved By The Bell.

Anonymous said...

From the specs you provided, your computer more than meets the minimum requirements for Final Cut Express (details here: If you're doing mostly vlogs and not feature length films, you should be fine with what you've got. More RAM wouldn't hurt, but I don't think it's a necessity either. At my old job, we had a basic MacBook running FCE for rough cuts and titles and it ran great.

The "advantages" of the new iMovie are pretty subjective. It's great if you want to quickly dump some DV footage and do some very minimal editing and send it to iDVD or YouTube. For the first time user, I think the newer interface is probably easier. But the only people I know who like the new iMovie have never been exposed to the older versions. Why does anyone get it? Because it comes preinstalled on any Mac made after the release of iLife 08, I suppose.

I think the dumbing down of iMovie is Apple's way of widening the gap between iMovie and FCE. iMovie 08 still has the functionality your average consumer needs, but if you really want the good stuff, you have to pay for it. Bugs notwithstanding, iMovie 6 is still the best in its price range.

chrissy said...

haviland - my mom totes said "where's haviland?" when she realized you weren't on the vlog at first. ANDDD she pronounces your name friend lacy still says ha-vi-land instead of have-i-land.

i got my auto-gear today, so i'm on cloud 9. i literally squeaked when i saw the shirts on my bed with stickers! =]

a;ex said...

mcbias, you just made my head explode. thanks! i don't take compliments very well... I was told to just say "I know." but I mostly want to say how really cute that was. for reals.

Kathryn said...

Wordvers suck and are god sent at the same time. Your vlog made me almost wet my pants whilst babysitting my art installation. Good shit. On another note, you have a new reader. I'm always looking for witty blogs, and so far, I only count yours, Dorothy Snarkers and my dear friend Lucy's as being worthy of my daily attention. Props for that. As for NYC, it's the place to be. For sure.