Eight Reasons Why Not & Brain Liveblog: The Stars Kept Marching,

I feel like I've become 50% human, 20% dancer and 30% sodium. I've been thinking about opening a vein. I've decided to talk crazy because this week a much-larger-than usual percentage of my readers have never read this blog before, which's funny. Do you like it? It's weird, kinda. There's no news here. You'll have to check out the other nine for anything remotely relevant. It's like a pageant. Today is Day SIX: SWIMWEAR Bikini Day. Whenever I say the word "blog" I envision: 1. a swamp, 2. a purse. [1. Sometimes instead of talking myself through a brief period of anxiety or nervousness, I just have some vodka. It's just that it's quicker.] I don't know why I keep trying to turn numbers into humans. I'm eating sodium as we speak. Canned soup contains sodium. Things have been happening very quickly lately.

Are you reading the Book Club Book yet? Just asking, not nagging. Mommy's not mad. We'll discuss after Valentine's Day. You can download it online for free, or buy it, 'cause it's hot and comes with condoms. [2. If you don't read books regularly, I am judging you. I mean I'm so not judgmental about most things. Well -- it's not that I judge negatively necessarily, it's just that it's something I will absolutely take into account when I file your final overall evaluation (the same kinds all humans make of other humans)] [3. Today at the gym I stayed an extra ten minutes on the elliptical to finish watching True Life: I'm Moving to Vegas.]

I read some good stuff today. Wanna read it? Ok:
- Diary of a Self-Help Dropout: Flirting with the 4-Hour Workweek - the freelancer's time management quandry: "My days are like eBay shipments: a few tangible things and a whole lot of packing peanuts. I obviously need help being the boss of me." (@wired)
- If the New York Times dies, does news die? (@venture beat)
- Look! An awesome AfterEllen shout-out for voting Autowin! and Grace the Spot ! and others! Go look.
- The Gayest. Real World. Ever. (@queerty) and also on that topic is the excellent Getalong Gang (@fourfour)
- This is really fascinating, you should really read it, one of the most interesting things I've read in months, so it's gonna be the last one - Letter from Japan: I Heart Novels (@the new yorker)

I asked my brother if he notices every time it's 11:14 and he said no. I don't get it, that's all I can think about it for two minutes every day, and those are two particular minutes that I am ALWAYS awake for, since I rarely go to bed before midnight or wake up after 11.

Isn't it weird how mean everyone is to everyone about what time you wake up? It's like if you say "I woke up at one," it's so shameful. In our arbitrary virtually "real" world, we hold onto these small excuses to evaluate the fuzzy fuzzy faces of our friends.

[4.I am fascinated by the extensive facebook photo archives of complete strangers. I am fascinated by a world that encourages and enforces such imagery as inherently public forum fodder. I do it too. Which is also fascinating.]

I had a friend who used to write song lyrics in her notebook all day, like to Tori Amos and Grateful Dead and Indigo Girls songs, just transcribe the memorized lyrics from her brain to the page I guess. I liked to doodle dark hard lines.

[5. When I was super young, before I understood death really, I was sometimes shamefully jealous that Anne Frank got her's published.]

[6: I leave water bottles everywhere.]

[7: I wash utensils last, I don't like how the metal gets hot and burns my hands, because in all other circumstances my hands are immune to heat and burning, I'm not into kryptonite.]

[8: I know we're all supposed to be cutting back on lattes and magazines, but those are the only two things I really need.]

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Eric Mathew made this for me, do you like it?

He told me it's gonna be on a billboard in Times Square tomorrow. I wish I could write a "fuck you penguin" for this, but fuck you penguin is a much better writer than I will ever be. I'd like to become an authority on the internet so that I can declare "fuck you penguin is the best blog to ever exist on the interwebs, and the best possible usage of the technologies of the world wide web" and be quoted somewhere, like in the header. Also cat, just because you've got your paws all over my favorite fucking machine in the whole entire world and one of the machine's components is also a pun does NOT mean I can just take a fucking Sudafed and get over it, yes I'm aware it's non-drowsy, but the thing is -- because I know that you shed! It looks cute now but will not look cute when you shed all over my favorite fucking machine, don't read my email. vote, like the cute cat says.
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I just wanted a grilled cheese sandwich so I made one and now I'm eating it. It's midnight.

OK I'm gonna ask you guys a question.
If you're reading this,
you should answer.
You don't have to put your name. It'd just be interesting.

Q: In one sentence or less, what is one thing you are absolutely sure that you are genuinely good at?