Election Day Live-Blog: Either the Best or the Worst Night Ever [UPDATE THE BEST!!!]

Hi kids! Welcome to the Election Day Live-Blog. We get to find out who wins tonight, right? FYI, we still don't have a couch, and I was trying to screw in the curtain rod and I fell through a bookshelf, breaking it and slicing my left leg open. It's pretty sexy. I think things can really only go up from here. Like we could win the election.

12:49 A.M.: Oh and happy birthday Autumn!!! OMG you guys, I am so proud of everyone. I wish my Dad could see this, he'd freak out for sure. I'm so happy and stuff!!

12: 31 AM: AND WE DID. Planet Harlem is AMAZING right now. They've got a big screen on Adam Clayton Powell, no one is yelling at me about the apocalypse and there is just pure, unbridled, genuine, fearless JOY on the streets right now. I love everyone.

Don't talk to me about Prop 8 right now, I can't handle it, just need to sleep and will deal with that, and my re-opened leg wound, in the morning.

10:48 P.M.: WE ARE GOING TO HARLEM TO VIDEOTAPE AND PARTY!!!!

10:35 P.M.: PARIS and Semicolon support Obama for president.
I love this wig, I love America, and I love John McCain. (KIDDING! I mean ... I do! 'Cause he lost so that my true LOVe Obama could WINN!!) We're going to go next door and see if we can make our friends as excited as we are. BRB in like five minutes, 'cause NO ON PROP 8 HAS JUST BEGUN.

10:25 P.M.: In 2000, I was asleep in my dorm and I woke up at 2 A.M and heard my friend yelling 'we won! Gore! Gore in Oh-oh!" and I went to sleep happy and then I woke up the next morning and the whole world changed. But this is shaping up to be so much better than that, and so much more.

Natalie: Your leg looks like HELL by the way. I hope you don't have rabies.
Me: That's your name! Your NAME is RABIES!

(It's Raaber, but when we joined the gym together as a lesbian couple, they sent the mail to Marie Bernard and Natalie Rabey.)


10:21 P.M.: We might need to go next door and excite Devilkitty 'cause we feel like she is not excited enough.

NYTimes says 159 Obama, 36 McCain. I knew it! I knew this was gonna happen, 'cause polling "likely voters"? Who are they? Who's ever been polled as a likely voter? Not me. Young people and black people were not polled and they all voted so BOOYA pollers. People who don't answer their phone are autowinners. Yayayayayay!

10:13 P.M.: This is like a dream, except my dead Dad and my ex from middle school aren't in it! Um, anyway so ...

My nail polish DOES match my blood, holler!

You know why I'm bleeding? 'Cause I'm a liberal, and that's my bleeding heart!

Natalie likes Rachel's hair better too. It's been universally confirmed that Rachel's hair looks better tonight and that is probs why Obama is winning and will win and YES WE CAN


10:05 P.M.: Live pictures from HARLEM?!!! This is the first thing to ever happen outside of Dr. Jay's Shoe Store since 2007 and now I live a little bit too far west for my lazy ass to trek.

10:02 P.M: Update on my leg:

Update on the election:

Natalie just came home and we all screamed about Ohio! Her parents voted Democrat for the first time ever, and she made her brother vote, and he just came in and she was like, "Matthew, it's because of you! That he won Ohio!" See, heartwarming moments are happening all over the place.

9:50 P.M.: Someone explain to me the psychology of people who totally just don't vote?

9:48 P.M.: First occasion for "my number one feeling is Miami" tag since um ... actually going to Miami!

9:46 P.M: I'm not entirely sure I have any idea how to act when something reliant on a popular vote totally goes my way.

9:43 P.M.: Finally, college-educated whites have achieved SOMETHING. We're cited as Obama's number one pushers for this election. We don't have jobs that pay our rent, but we're all about the audacity of hope etc!!!

OMG OMG OMG! OHIO!

9:40 P.M.: A;ex loves maps and apologizes for not knowing "where that state is that's next to Michigan." Also she can see Angelina Jolie from her bedroom!

NPR says Obama wins New Mexico, but NY Times says McCain wins New Mexico. I feel like the NY Times is being a serious old grey lady tonight.

9:36 P.M.: Haviland vounteered today in L.A. and said everyone was like "oh, obvs I'm voting against Prop 8" She also says "Hi Autowinnners!" and "Hi!" on behalf of all L.A. Power Lesbians. Wheeeee!

9:35 P.M.: A;ex just asked "what's that state next to Michigan?" Sigh.

9:32 P.M.: Okay a lot of things are happening ... and I think they are all good.

9:23 P.M.: OH! OHIO! Ohio! My home and native land, where I celebrate the Jesus related holidays and my dear family lives! YOU GO ERMA! YOU GO ERMA AND GLEN! (those are my grandparents). Yay Ohio, birthplace of my father, yay Ohio, homeland of Natalie! OHIO! Home of the many Wal-Marts and Odd Lots! Ohio land of the free home of the not that brave but very very tenacious sometimes when they want to be! Ohio headquarters of the homosexy Abercrombie and Fitch!

9:16 P.M: I wish Elisabeth Hassleback's career was on the ballot so I could vote her out of it. I hope she deflates a little and then Whoopi and Joy can eat her. Also, the polls close in California in an hour and 45 minutes, so I guess we'll find out about No on prop 8 um ... well I'll be up all night. Is legalizing cocaine on the ballot? It's only 9:17! A lot of talking not a lot of results.

Still those white dudes are overpowering Rachel.

9:14 P.M: McCain's Mom is talking crazy. She doesn't care if he wins and thinks he's going to die soon or something. She must be at least 500 years old.

9:11 P.M.: OMG It's GRANHOLM! In Michigan! She pioneered the lesbian haircut! She has high hopes for Obama obviously. Talking about the auto industry. Love the multicultural electorate everywhere except at Obama rallies.

9:05 P.M.: I've never been to Virginia or South Carolina. WILL I EVER? We'll find out tonight. A;ex is cleansing my wound. Oh good, Rachel is talking, I think they did her hair differently tonight.

9:04 P.M.: Peter and A;ex want to order pizza 'cause Chris Matthews told them too. Obvs brainwashed by the liberal media elite.

8:54 P.M.: In response to various comments -- I never let not being able to focus stop me from liveblogging! Yay! I'd feel weird if I lived in Anchorage, my tear ducts are totes prepped for tears of joy, and I am wishing myself good luck as well.

There is not enough Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. If my cable worked well I could flip back and forth between this and BET.

I think Delay just tried to talk "street" and failed. "I don't hate!" Okay. Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, I don't even want, none of the above ...

8:48 P.M.: If you want to feel better just read Huff Po. They have lots of big letters announcing nice things, like that Obama wins it all. But this asshat on MSNBC is like "cool your heels in Grant Park." Yeah I'll cool your heels in your mom or whatevs whatevs whatever.

A;ex: What the fuck would it take for these red assholes to wake up and change their fucking minds and vote Democrat?
Me: If they could just feel the pleasure of another man's penis in their assholes, they'd flip like THAT.
A;ex: I mean how can they ignore what's happening in this country?
Me: There's a g-spot up there.


8:45 P.M.: So far Obama has not flipped a red state blue. That's fine. Purple is my favorite color.

8:41 P.M.: FreshDirect is 41 minutes late. I'm hungry. I wish I lived in a socialist country. I cannot drink fast enough for this night. I tried to take another picture of my bloody leg 'cause I think it's gotten worse, but I don't think any photos can do it justice. There are three of us in one room using the slowest web connection ever. I wonder what I'd pick for my headshot in the upper left.

I saw McCain speaking this afternoon to his "supporters" and he kept saying "my friends." Does he do that all the time? That's so irritating, if he wins I'm going Office Space on my teevee so I never have to hear his stupid annoying voice, he is so not in my top 8 and never will be. If I had a top 100,000 he wouldn't be in it either.

8:36 P.M.: The NY Times poll is completely whack! How can they keep reporting all these random Midwestern states before ANYONE has reported? Has anyone counted MY absentee ballot in Michigan yet?

8:33 P.M.: Barack is barely winning the popular vote. I don't care about the popular vote. AUTOWIN: Not caring about the popular vote since 2000.

8:31 P.M.: Obama is gonna win Maine. I knew it! Everyone in Maine is a hippie who lives in a tree. My Fresh Direct is totally late. I need to open this bottle of wine to drink right out of it. BRB.

8:26 P.M.: I'd like to speak to the 9% who think the economy is good. Actually I know one person who thinks we're all just being pessimistic. She doesn't live in Pennsylvania though so I don't know what to tell you. Maybe that's also the same percentage of people in Pennsylvania who live in caves and/or the hills.

8:22 P.M.: Thank you for the demonstration of how to fill out a ballot. This is like the SATs. Bring a Number 2 pencil and cocaine.

8:17 P.M.: I feel like if Ice-T had gone in another direction in his career, he would look a little bit like the token they've got on MSNBC ... I'm not just saying that 'cause they're both black. They look alike! I mean I know the difference between Barack Obama and Will Smith. I totally voted.

The NYTimes is projecting Texas to go Obama with 0% reporting? I feel like they should re-hire some of those 1,200 people they fired.

8:08 P.M.: Natalie says "Peter keeps saying OH NO! What's happening?" I tell her McCain hasn't lost a red state yet but we think Barack won Pennsylvania.

BTW, I'm losing all kinds of red blood coming out of my leg, and I still believe in the audacity of hope.

8:07 P.M.: Chris Matthews says that in Pennsylvania, "change" isn't always a good word 'cause the kids grow up and then move to New York or D.C. I think the implication is that they then become HOMOSEXUALS.

8:05 P.M.: PENNSYLVANIA!!!

7:47 P.M.: @lozo - too close to call! Obama will school McCain later.

I feel like it's still noon in California. FreshDirect is late, I wonder if that's related to the election. I hate it when Red States report first.

7:35 P.M. A;ex is putting up my shelves! Chris Matthews's voice gets a little grating sometimes. I think Rachel's worn that jacket before. But look she's blue and red! Like America! Except I hope America is more blue. Just like her outfit!

Also, I got some late-adds for the No on Prop 8 Quilt, so I must re-post it, 'cause it's two hot lesbians and a cute dog, which's the American Dream obviously.