Saturday, November 22, 2008

Top Ten Foods I Like to Eat I Like to eat Apples and Bananas, Eeples and Beneenees

Top Ten Foods I Like to Eat

1. French fries
with hummus, ranch dressing, or ketchup. Also, the honey mustard sauce at Wendy's is primo for french fries. Some people require a lot of ketchup, like it's blood or something, there was a boy in my high school who brought ketchup with him to school, he didn't think they gave him enough., like Miss Pig's Bulk Buy.

2. Mashed potatoes with lots of butter and cream mixed in, or the mashed potatoes & gravy from Boston Market.

There's something about eating mashed potatoes & butter alone that feels sad. Like you've accidentally signed up to live your life in foam, and it's delicious, and you're full and fat of it, like a soft pleasant puppy is napping happily in your stomach. That's how I love mashed potatoes, alone and hearty like that.

3. Rye bread, toasted, with butter.

4. Yogurt bowl = base of yogurt bowl is Stonyfield Farms Fat-Free yogurt in a fruity flavor. it is then mixed with Kashi cereal (your choice -- basically you chose by texture, not by flavor) and accented by fresh berries (ideally raspberries) if available. If not; dried fruit, almonds, frozen fruit de-frosted and the real fruit from the yogurt bottom will have to do). Alternately if you'd like to make a yogurt bowl on the go, just get a Nature's Valley Granola bar and then crumble it up while it's still in the packing, then when you open it you have granola-sized bits of Nature's Valley to insert, one by one as you eat, into your fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt.

I believe Yogurt Bowl as it is currently known to myself and my peers was invented by Natalie Raaber in the year 2003. Nat's variations include nuts, pieces of chocolate, and bolts.

5. A salad with grilled chicken and portabello mushrooms, that hippie brand of Basalmic Vinagrette with Amy the earth goddess or whoohawhatevs on the bottle. They make a great one at the Skylight Diner, Haviland and I order it for delivery so much that we can just refer to it as "Our Salad." Even Alex can be like "do you guys wanna get your salad to split, and I'll get one of your salads too?" and we're like sounds good. add dinner roll, no peppers, extra melba crackers, no onions. We've been sharing that salad since 2006. And the beat goes on.

6. Pinkberry medium coffee flavor -- and here i must pause, for they are going to discontinue it for the season and replace it with pomegranate or something lame-o like that. With bananas, raspberries and granola.

7. English muffin toasted with melted munster cheese on top.
7a. Grilled cheese sandwich with cheddar cheese
7b. Quesadilla, plain, just cheese.

8. Whole wheat eggo waffle toasted, buttered, with syrup, two smushed together syrups-side down, then eaten while they are still sticky, getting your hands all sticky and then the computer desk all sticky too, but it's okay, because your mouth is having a serious pool party.

9. Cheeseburger from Better Burger . I pretend to like their fries 'cause I am pretending to be a person who'd eat healthy fries if they were available oh! here they are! yum yum!

10. I like to get a grande skim latte and eat it while also eating a little trail mix of cashews, almonds and dried cherries (they sell it highly-processed at Starbucks, or you can get it yoruself at a health food store) or while also eating peanut butter crackers (the Ritz kind that come in a 6-pack in the style of Peanut Butter & Toast crackers, 'cause the Ritz ones are way better and more buttery and the little Ritz ones are shit) or orange peanut butter crackers. I used to sometimes have that blueberry coffee cake they had at Starbucks, but the Calorie Count on everything is sort of a buzzkill.

There's some foods that I love but I don't love to eat these foods 'cause they make me feel icky about myself afterwards, like apple cobbler, cupcakes and big cheeseburgers, so I only eat them on special occasions. Those foods aren't on this list because this is a list for foods I like to eat.

11. Vodka tonic. Really, I think it tastes good now. Between vodka-tonic and juice, I pick vodka-tonic. Between vodka-tonic and Coca-Cola Classic -- tough call. Probs go with the Coke. But that's not gonna make me feel fleetingly infinite (the kind of feeling infinite where you're totally aware of and at peace with the fact that it will only be infinite for a few moments more). I do like it though. I'm not going to sell you products made by asshats, but I do like that drink. I can tell you the truth about that. Sometimes a girl has nothing else she can say besides this is what I like to eat. I mean that I'm not starving, therefore, I am not sad feeling all the time. I'm not like any of the people I just read about in I Live Here. I'm in America, and we just elected Obama, and I have food on the table, or in the pot if it's ramen. So I am okay. I have nothing to be sad about, I am lucky. Look at all the foods I like! All of those I like to eat them. I like expensive foods too but I don't put them on this list 'cause I don't like to eat things that make me stress about money, so I can only eat them when I'm rich that day or someone else is paying. Anyhow that's not important. What's important is how we are hungry.


A. said...

So it's come to this hey?

(Kiiidding, kiiidding)

riese said...

I'm just interested to see if anyone can get through the whole post?

stef said...

i support you in your continued efforts to ingest these things, and continue to envy your freakish metabolism.

caitlinmae said...

omg i like these foods too!

i am eating yogurt with kashi go lean RIGHT NOW!

A. said...

I made it half way through, posted my little comment, and then finished it. Glad you ended on the vodka note... made me feel like I had accomplished something great.

The "a." is now capitalized, whoa... not a fan of change.

DJL said...

For the record, I think "yogurt bowl" is a parfait. I can't wait for your top 10 favorite liquids.

Anonymous said...

i am shocked that grilled well done salmon, string cheese, and lean pockets didn't make the list. ok, maybe salmon is expensive, but the rest are basically free. especially your lean pockets. i have questions. also, it always embarrasses me to order your pinkberry cause it makes me upset to mix coffee and raspberries and bananas, something about it doesn't seem right. so i always save it for last and just hope that by that point i have the woman so flustered she didn't notice what i just ordered, then she reads them all back and i cringe at the coffee. i do it for you though, i suck it up and do it. sunday top ten on a saturday? look at you all ahead of the curve.

Anonymous said...

I, too, adore the french fries. I also live in Montreal, where we usually put mayonnaise on our fries. It sounds gross to the uninitiated, but I promise, try it and you will not be disappointed. Make sure it's real mayo though, not any of that pseudo mayo/salad dressing crap. The other option is our local 4 a.m. delicacy, poutine: fries with cheese curd and gravy. Exquisite.

Atherton Bartelby said...

I must admit I was surprised to find that I can get behind every single one of these as superb food experiences, particularly the mashed potatoes with butter and cream and the toasted rye bread with butter. I also love grilled cheese sandwiches with cheddar (and a big bowl of cream of tomato soup in which to dip the sandwiches, with tons of saltine crackers, as well). I have also been known to consume entire sleeves of saltine crackers with Philadelphia Brand Strawberry Cream Cheese spread all over them.

Well now *I'm* hungry and have to go get breakfast. Thanks for that!

Al said...

I think you're the only person that could write a post that long about food and have me read the whole thing. Props.

asher said...

I like to eat Dave Eggers. Def. in a non sexualized way, though.

But that's not what's important. What's important is what is the what.

Leah said...

Low sodium Townhouse crax with light/fat free cream cheese. Been eating it since the first grade. It's funny how we are our moms and our mom's fav foods are ours.

a;ex said...

"If you were deserted on an island and could only eat one thing, what would it be?"


riese said...

stef - but i work out! i totally work out!

caitlinmae - what is it about kashi go lean that just begs the yogurt? i dunno!!

a. - that's an especially weird change 'cause there is an A. and an a. who comment. Now I realize that a.= a. I know that's confusing. Luckily my blog entry was very simple. I told a;ex I'd write the worst sunday top 10 ever for her.

DJL - i don't mess around with layers, fool. just so you know, "sperm" will not be on the list. ;-)

jersey - when did i last have a lean pocket one may ask? the first week of september! i have not located anyone selling my leanpockets since that time! I KNOW! it is trè depressing, and I have been eating eggos instead but i think that's why i've had a hard time getting out of bed, is thinking about how I can't have my leanpocket.

i went today and had it with green tea. i feel like it's not more right at all. but then i got so cold eating it that i couldn't finish it. i miss coffee. the real kind that's hot like hot.

Anonymous - I know they do that in idaho too right? the mayo? I used to eat mayo & bread-ends. I like cheese curds on their own but all and all I am not a fan of gravy so we'll have to see.

atherton bartleby - my mom used to make me cream of tomato soup (as u probs know, the cream is always the choice, wtf w/r/t water?) and ... as a sidenote, I've made meals of saltine crackers (solo) a few time s this week.

I bet you're gonna have madleines!

al: you read the whole thing? really? yay!

asher: i know, the most recent news is what is the what. clearly post-mod is always the way to go.

Leah: Light cream cheese. Fat free I hear is bad news ... it is. Our mom's food are us and our mom's fav foods are ours, for sure and forevs.

alex: It's not just foods that are ON a desert island. I'd pick palm, obvs.

eric mathew said...

i ordered skim milk in my iced vanilla latte and the guy literally looked at me like i had 10 heads. like did i stutter?

i also think anything with grilled chicken is good. it just is.

idk. now i'm hungry. hungry like the wolf.

DJLOL said...

Did you really just bring my sperm up into the conversation, even though I in know way left a dirty comment? Who is this? And what's so bad about my sperm? What have you heard? Haviland's a liar.

DJLOL said...

"in know way"

It's 4 a.m. Get off me.

A. said...

"'cause there is an A. and an a. who comment. Now I realize that a.= a. I know that's confusing."

This is going to cause great difficulty in the future.

I'm off to NYC next weekend, it was on a ridiculous whim. So, since you and your posse know the city... obvs... anything I should probably check out during the week? Don't lead me too astray...

MoonKiller said...

Funnily enough, I was having a conversation about my favourite foods at about 4 o'clock last night. And we came to the conculsion that I like anything with cream cheese: bagels, salmon, toast, salad, pasta.

I'm also fond of yogurt with Country Crisp. I don't like milk so I either eat cereal dry or with yogurt, I don't understand how people can eat it with water, surely it just makes it soggy.

chaitee said...

i find posts like this disturbingly fascinating. why is that. i'm hooked on soy hot chocolates because i have an ulcer and can't have real coffee (never mind the fact that i'm six months pregnant and a grande coffee would send the fetus scrabbling through my uterus wall and up through my throat). oh, and soy because i'm lactose intolerant or some shit like that, like i vomit like the gal from exorcist if i have dairy. fun times. so, soy hot chocolate it is. and even then the chocolate doesn't exactly soothe my blistered intestinal tract.

bonus fun fact. the only place that does it in super size me, mega fat serve near me is gloria jeans, a coffee chain that donates a large portion of their profits to hillsong church, who happen to be anti-gay.

my life. is very hard.

as for favourite foods. mashed potato tops the list. i eat it more often than you'd believe. in fact, if i told a therapist about it, they'd be concerned.