Thursday, November 20, 2008

i call automatic fun! when? today! okay! 11.20.2008.

[UPDATE! The Weblog Awards are actual awards that actually matter, I swear, and today Friday the 21st is the last day they're accepting nominations for Best LGBT blog. So gimme a nod, if you've got a minute. Thanks!!]

Remember when I said I'd be posting a lot this week? That was a neat idea! Unfortunately my actual (paid) workload for this week is growing like the hungry caterpillar and I haven't been able to deliver y'all my deliverables. Luckily I make my own rules so I can change them and if you don't like it then I hate you, I'm sorry, I just hate you!

Anyhow, when one cannot follow through fully one does follow through partially. For example, I've got the scoop on The L Word spinoff The Farm on Ausostraddle, the SON recap will be a double-header next week for eps 13 & 14 'cause I don't got no time this week to do 13 and I think it's mostly about Glen anyhow and Glen is not hot, not gay, and not Spashley, therefore he is not punk, not vegan, not hot, and not fun, and not cool, and not this week sorz. Also, Haviland and I made a vlog, I'll edit it some time. If you want me to work faster, give me your money, some Lean Pockets, a back massage, a pony or a lemon tree. (UPDATE: Lemon tree is taken care of, thank you autumn.) I have some screencaps to whet your appetite.

I'm listening to all your emo music, you weirdos. It's okay, luckily I'm a weirdo too, so it's just what the blogger ordered. No really it's totally fucking awesome. It's like mind control in a good way. I'm the one being controlled. You're the controllers. I like to switch roles sometimes. JK, usually I'm the M of S&M. I just made that up. I just flew in, boy are my arms tired!

Sometimes the search terms that bring people here depress me. Aside from the usual -- my name, the l word stuff, the blog names, etc -- we've got the search terms like the following ...

very depressing search terms from the autowin/autostraddle search referrals list

top 10 reasons not to drink alone
vaagina [i'm curious when i made that error, but not curious enough to click it]
i depend on you and it's making me weak
will he ever want to date me
what happened to chelsea and clays baby on south of nowhere?
what does "we hold these truths to be self evident" mean
this girl plugs everything into her vagina
taco bell floor plan
straddle bitches
real chance of love girls
rider strong interview BOP (I feel like stef is the only one who will know who rider strong is and what BOP is and therefore find this funny in a really sad way)
piano and nsa hookups
is staying up all night better than four hours sleep
if i want to write a girl something fun what would i say
i wear my old overalls to junior high school every day
how to wear a flannel shirt and look like a girl
haviland stillwell lesbian
best ideas for how to know and fuck a girl

Also anyone who wants to know about that last one, you should email sugarbutch.

automatic fun! it's automatic, like winning, and air conditioning! I wish I'd had the foresight to name it Auto-Magic, but I didn't always know that I'd grow up and get special powers like a wizard.

quote: "I know I'm running away but my heart has become a sterile zone where nothing can grow. I don't want to face facts, shape up, snap out of it. In the pumped-out, dry bed of my heart, I'm learning to live without oxygen. I might get to like it in amaschochistic way. I've sunk too low to make decisions and that brings with it a certain lightheaded freedom. Walking on the moon there's no gravity. There are dead souls in uniform ranks, spacesuits too bulky for touch, helmets too heavy for speech. The miserable millions moving in time without hope. There are no clocks in Misery, just endless ticking." (JeanetteWinterson, Written on the Body)

1. I love it when this happens, it's like two of my most glorious worlds colliding, bookslut meets gender theory :Let's Talk About Sex (@the smart set)
2. Read this article about Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin and feminism please, thank you: How the Year of the Woman Actually Sent Women Back: The Bitch and The Ditz (@nymag)
3. Omg, Thomas Kinkaide. (@vanity fair)
4. Love in the time of Darwinsim. (@city)
5. Bullies Like Bullying: How did a nonstory on an iffy study end up in The New York Times? (maybe 'cause you keep firing journalists?) (
6. I love Sarah Vowell, I love things that are funny, I love "Stuff I've Been Reading," Nick Hornby's column in The Believer which I sometimes attempt to recreate here, therefore I love, la-la-la-love, Introduction to Nick Hornby's Shakespeare Wrote for Money by Sarah Vowell. There's even an Emily Dickinson namedrop! Come on PEOPLE come on. (@mcsweeny's)
7. Good job dudes, Equality California reports that California will hear the case against Prop 8 ! (@eqca)
8.The Girl I Brought Home Didn't Wake Up in the Morning (
9. Nate Silver is my homegirl: An interview with John Zieglar on the Zogby "Push Poll" (
10. Tragedy Tomorrow, Economic Woes Tonight: Broadway Braces for a Squeeze (@nytimes)

leisha hailey dance


Anonymous said...

True and creepy story: Sarah Vowell and I had on matching outfits at her reading in Cleveland last Sunday. Except my sweater had blood on it from the loud-mouthed hipsters who were sitting behind me until I stabbed them.

a;ex said...

The best thing about that Thomas Kinkade article are the comments:
When a poser like Damien Hirst can rake billions of the gullible sophisticates selling oversized tanks filled with rotting sharks, it's no surprise that Kinkade can make a fortune selling his brand of schmaltzy bullshit...

The commenters make a good point about modern art and the ridiculous industry it has become. It's totally alienated the general public:
Look, Thomas Kinkade does suck, no question, but at least his paintings couldn't have been done by a five-year-old, which is more than most "serious" art can say.

I can thank weirdos like Rothko and Pollock (or more specifically: those who've copied them,) for the reason I have THE SAME CONVERSATION with my family EVERY HOLIDAY GATHERING where I have to fucking defend Picasso.
PICASSO! No one should have to defend him. It should be common fucking knowledge that Picasso (as overrated as he's become,) is still more of a genius than what the modern art world is turning out these days, and just as much of a genius as the realist artists that came before him.

FYI (or TMI) - my mom has a Kinkade hanging in our dining room.

Scott Jones School of Dance said...

I had a Rider Strong BOP poster on my wall in middle school! He was next to Bradd Pitt from Legends of the Fall. Rider had a purty mouth. Was he from that show with Kevin Arnold's brother?

Zenmiester said...

Nate Silver? Kudos. This baseball fan likes a reference to a sabermetrician on a non-baseball blog.

autumn m said...

You know, personally I don’t like Kinkade’s style. It’s to "cozy" and cheesy for me. I like Salvador Dali's "The Temptation of Saint Anthony". And I’m a huge fan of MC Escher. I also like Pollock, even though I used to hate that crap. I thought it was just shapes on canvas, until I tried to paint one. Apparently I’m not cut out to paint shapes and lines. My inability to paint something good in that style gave me appreciation for it. But I refuse to acknowledge Kinkade as someone great. Its house and trees, in different settings!!!! But what really gets me is that Alex’s family argues about Picasso during the holidays. It’s funny, in a weird way. And she is right, Picasso should never have to be defended, he is a great artist with amazing talent. blah blah blah *ranting and raving about art for hours* for real though, art is my thing. Don’t get me started because I will go on for ages about it.

carlytron said...

oh i know all about rider strong and bop too, lady.

can't wait for the new vlog!

riese said...

burningsteady: Um, best comment ever?

a;ex: You should've had holidays with the Bernards. Mama B owns an original Picasso and as I maybe have mentioned before I really love Rothko for serious. Actually I think that's what I need in my room.

friend (looking at any number of rothko prints i've had on my wall over the many years): I could've done that.
me: Yeah ... but you didn't. He did. That's why he's a famous artist and you're not.

Did you ever see this? Wheee!

OMg, I want to argue with Ruben about modern art. I bet he wouldn't even pay two dollahs for it! I hope she didn't pay more than a buck fifty for the kinkaide, and didn't buy it in the mall.

Hirst is actually saying now that his art is overpriced and he's glad that there's a recession. I just can't believe anyone would want a decapitated cow in their living room.

scott jones school of dance: I hearted Rider Strong, because he had girly hair, I loved all mid-90s hearththrobs with girly hair, like Leo and Rider and J-Brandis. Rider was in Boy Meets World, yah.

autumn m: Anyone who has an art store in the mall I have to say I am not into. I think his work kinda sucks and is embarassing to be around. But I also feel like I think that as an elitist for sure. It's just weird that people think it's "art," i would classify it as something else. i feel like art has to have a meaning, maybe illustration is the right word. (I don't know what i'm talking about) not that illustration is easier than art, or less good, but I think it's art without "meaning," is the definition.

I think when I'm at home with my Mom and (once upon a time) Dad in Michigan, there were never convos like that, they were always trying to teach us stuff abotu artists, like that we couldn't make a Pollack ourslves. But everyone in my family remembers the Great Patch Adams Incident of '98, when we went to Ohio to see my Dad's extended family, saw Patch Adams, which sucked, and everyone from then on has decried my opinion as elitist and assholeish.

carlytron: Of course you do! I should've known aafter we both said "Ladybugs" at the same time. I didn't realize that young homos were aware of BOP, it seems so aggressively hetero. but then there's denial, etc.

riese said...

Oh I forgot to comment to zenmiester and say I LOVE THE SPORT!

Jo said...

If it's emo music you're looking for, check out Brand New, especially their album Deja Entendu. Your Favorite Weapon is also good. Their most recent album, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me isn't as good as their old stuff, in my opinion, but still good. I mean, how can an album with that title be bad?

Rider Strong definately played Shawn on Boy Meets World. I freaking loved that show!

autumn m said...

I want to say that his "art" isn’t art, but "suckage". How’s that for the right word for you. But, I won’t say that (even though it is clearly stated already). Even though I don’t like anything about it, I have to say, I can’t paint cozy houses lined with snow covered trees. So in some way, I can appreciate his efforts. I would never buy a print of his paintings. i would much rather spend money on other important things, such as trees. I do appreciate him as an artist, it was drilled in to our minds in our art classes, to never criticize another’s work for being cheesy or what have you, because to them, it could have all the meaning in the world. See, you could not like a sketch, but someone else might love it, because they feel like it has personal meaning to them, that it connects somewhere with there thoughts or memories. Does that make sense?? Probably not...
And there weren’t convos like this at my house growing up either. In fact I can’t have intelligent convos with my brothers, ever. Maybe it’s because I’m the only semi talented/ somewhat intelligent person in my family. (Note use of mild vanity)

a;ex said...

Art can be many many contradicting things. The idea that art should have meaning, a concept, is a pretty modern opinion.

I know you like Rothko :)
That's fine.
And you're right when you defend him by saying "You didn't do it, he did."
That's why he, and every pioneering modern artist is worth studying and knowing. But I'm so over the others that try to capitalize on that nonsense. He did it first and he's awesome. You did it second and you suck.

Thank you for your support, Autumn - you should be there with me on Thanksgiving when I have to have that fucking Picasso conversation all over again.

OMGWTF my word verif is "redic" - Eric Mathew is IN MY COMPUTER.

Coffee Stained said...

I have this old magazine holder in my room at our cabin that has three BOP magazines in it (actually I think one is a BIG BOP, is it BIG? Or some other adjective that signifies more dreamy photos). I have many a photo of Jonathan Brandis, Joey Lawrence, and J.T.T. I refuse to throw them away!
Also, I used Self Evident in this drama class once where we had to use found text. When I was done my prof had some sort of feminist-political-Ani awakening, and for about 2 minutes just kept repeating "we hold these truths to be self evident" over and over.... and that's when I realized I didn't really understand what that meant completely. Of course, i never bothered to ask her what she thought it meant because I was too busy pretending to be political and awesome.

Stephanie said...

Wait, there are people who DON'T know who Rider Strong is or what BOP is?

a;ex said...

I uhh... don't know what Strong Rider whatevs or BOP is.

I only just figured it out when Coffee Stained said something about J.T.T.

Wait, does this make me gay?

asher said...

no a;ex, but calling him Strong Rider makes you pretty gay.

riese, you greatly underestimated the collective lesbian knowledge of teeny bopper poster pin up boys. i don't think it's just denial - i think it's that they're so girly. which is always interesting when little schoolgirls loose their shit over zac efron, etc. there's actually a model on the signage in the little boys dept at target that is the spitting image of this lesbian i know. and it's more him looking girly than her looking like a 12 year old boy.

ps - my top three were JTT, devon sawa, and andrew keegan

autumn m said...

I’m in the same boat as Alex on not knowing what BOP and Strong Rider is. I feel dumb now.....
Alex: I kind of have this picture in my head of your holiday Picasso conversation. It starts by someone complimenting your mom's kinkade, and you mumble to yourself that it sucks and is undeserving of wall space. They ask you to explain your opinion. Your mom says Picasso isn’t anything thing close to an artist. Things escalate and before you know it, BAM!!!! You are all screaming at each other and you are trying to demonstrate by making your own Picasso on the wall using turkey (white meat only) and stuffing, with a hint of corn. Your mom is crying in the corner mumbling how you ruined thanksgiving this year, by getting a hair cut she didn’t consent of, and going crazy about Picasso again (apparently this happens often). While the rest of the family is trying to console your mother, you finish your food painting, and realize that everyone is staring at you like you’re a nut. So you bolt out of the house, only to return 5 days later all cracked out after having been on a coke and a whoring binge.
Then again, I could totally be wrong.

riese said...

Jo: Ooo thanks ... endless procrastination opportunities await.

autumn m: I think you're right, suckage is the right word. Actually I think it might just be decorative art, might be the right word. Sort of like the difference between mass-market fiction and literary fiction or something.

Yeah, I guess out of all the people to demonize right now, a popular commercial artist isn't necessarily tops on my hit list. I think the people that we're all really upset at are the people that think that affection for Kinkaide's work is indicative of an understandiing of modern art. I think I'm talking like an elitist bastard now, good thing Palin already won.

Growing up with my Dad was like growing up in a giant Trivial Pursuit - Genius Edition game. Then he died and I watched 90210, The Brady Bunch and Saved by the Bell for two years straight, constantly.

a;ex: LOL, re: eric mathew is on your computer.

Yeah, true, I think it is decorative art vs. commercialized art. He's described himself as: "america's most collected living artist," which just feels ... flawed and untrue. Also that he "uses Christianity as a tool to take advantage of people" (according to wikipedia) which's our favorite thing in the world obviously. And it also says he's an asshole, though I guess a lot of good modern artists were assholes.

Coffee Stained: See my Mom wouldn't let me buy BOP so I had to covet it. I feel like there was one that was like Big Bopper or something. I didn't really realize that they had interviews in them, just posters. I think though that even the reason someone landed here from googling "self-evident" is 'cause I quoted the ani difranco song by that name.

Stephanie: I bet a;ex doesn't.

a;ex: I just want you to know if you're going to use the "I was climbing trees" excuse again ...

asher: I do, I underestimate. My top three were probs JTT, Leonardo DiCpario and .... god, I dunno. I remember I had a serious thing for Edward Furlong. I should just do a top ten probs. Yeah I should.

autumn: I think it was probably slightly before your time, as I recall being slightly too old to watch Boy Meets World when I was watching it, but Topanga was really hot.

The scene at Alex's house would most likely involve her Dad yelling at everyone, or rather talking in a really loud voice, and Alex would evenutally start just making noises of frustration rather than sentences, and then she'd write me an email about having a lot of feelings, and maybe even use all caps, and it would be AWESOME.

Leah said...

Poor Thomas K! You guys are harsh! Yeah they don't have any real deep meaning, but the light! Is no one impressed by the way he makes things glow!!??

Ahhh, Rider Strong. Remember, not everyone here is a lesbian. I was just a tiny bisexual (at the time unaware of that fact) who loooved Rider, and even saw that disgusting horror movie he was in a few years back, Cabin Fever, because I couldn't let go of the crush. BTW that movie is so vile my bff had to almost leave the theater to vomit. She was gagging.

Wordverif: exantude-noun-someone's exact attitude at any given moment.
#2 cuz i fucked up sending the first time: refulab-a lab where refugees are brought after rescue to assess health.

Elizabeth said...

My grandmother *loves* Kinkade and as much as it physically pains me to do so, I am buying her that damn dvd for Christmas.

Rider Strong was in two of last years Eight Movies To Die For. Oh how I miss thee, Boy Meets World.

I mos def had a wall of Bop pretty boys back in the day. It was mostly JTT, Devon Sawa and Jared Leto. Jared Leto is still pretty.

Leah said...

oh and The Used is good Emo shit, as well as Thursday. Old stuff from the Used more hardcore than the new stuff.

Al said...

Not a first time reader, but certainly a first time commenter.

Ah, Rider Strong. How I love re-visiting the 90's. Where's my gameboy... I had a crush on Topanga when she was cute on that show. Which was for like one season. She went from being dorky, cute, and then to crazy.

BTW Cory was on Chuck a couple weeks ago. That was a nice blast from the past.

stef said...

i had a total crush on rider strong obvs, but my heart totally belonged to devon sawa. when he asked christina ricci in casper "can i keep you?" my little heart melted. obvs for like my 9th or 10th birthday party i took everybody to see now and then because you could see his ass.

WHAT on your blog led people to rider strong and bop? now i'm gonna go google these things.

stef said...

totally also googled "vaagina automatic win." enlightening! word veri: clusfus, short for clusterfuck obvs.

Stephanie said...

Also my friend always tells me I look like Topanga, which I don't agree with. I'm not even sure it's a compliment, but based on some comments here, maybe it is.

Haviland Stillwell said...

Totally knew devon sawa while shooting "Now and Then" and actually, as a 13 year old, he did sort of resemble a 20-something lesbian of 2008.

I love that Babypop doesn't know about the madness that was Bop. The girls who read Bop grew up to read OK! Yeah.

a;ex said...

I'd like to think of myself as a commenting superstar in this thread...
(either that or super-annoying commenter.)

Your first autofun link "Let's Talk About Sex" reminds me of this article I read in The Atlantic, 'A Boy's Life'.

I might've found it especially interesting when I first read it weeks ago cause I had spent that previous night arguing/debating with this kid about the biology of gender and sexuality. You see, he believes that everyone is born a perfectly clean slate and their sexuality is solely based on experience...
(I'm pretty sure he was born black, but you know, he could've also learned that from experience (wtf?!))

Obvs I found this article (and the one you linked to) really interesting, and underlined and made notes all over the magazine.

So I gave the magazine to Mama Vega one day cause she needed something to read. I got a call from her later on: "Why did you write this here? Why did you like this article so much?" and finally "Do you want to get a sex change?"

For christ sake.

Ingrid said...

I challenge whoever says Damien Hirst is a poser to a fight. It may be fucking insane for people to pay $125 million for an arty skull, but it's pretty unreasonable for anyone to buy ANY art for that price in this world we live in. Plus, most contemporary artists have works that are amazing and works that are shit:

hirst's diamondy skull: awesome
hirst's splatter painting: shit
hirst's pill cabinet: kinda cool and fun to look at
hirst's spot paintings: kinda stupid

It's one thing to say an artist sucks when you have a sense of the whole humorous situation of art criticism in mind, but when my latin professor announced to the class that Jeff Koons simply isn't an artist, that's just ignorance.

a;ex: I feel you. I'm about to have the annual Thanksgiving convo with the aunts and uncles who consistently challenge my entire life with statements like, "Oh, that must be so great to just look at nice pictures all day! But I hope you don't expect the government to fund that pornography that passes as Art these days!" I feel like I should print out Toby from the West Wing's speech about the NEA: There is a connection between the progress of a society and progress in the arts.

riese said...

Leah: He makes things glow? Hm. I guess we are harsh on TK, but I feel like he's doing okay for himself. I think it's the Christian propaganda that irks me. People should only pretend to be selling pleasentries if they truly are.

Oh totes not everyone here is a lesbian (myself included, as I am a bisexual also, like my hero Tila Tequila), but I didn't bank on such a significant intersection of bi/hets and people-aware-of-BOP. I feel like he's still somewhat hot.

Elizabeth: I think we just get my grandmother a nightgown every year. I feel like it comes in a similar spirit. I had a Claire Danes/Jared Leto wall. It was really hot.

Al: I never got a gameboy! omg. I had a big crush on Topanga and the older brother, I forget who played him. Rider Strong and the older brother. What a great show.

stef: OMG, I can imagine your little pre-emo-goth heart melting at that moment. Little Wednesday ... there's a great scene in the book Fun Home where she notes all the comparisons between her family and the Adams. I may have lost you in that sentence, but if I didn't, check it out.

stef: I thought maybe it was related to gwen, like i had written "my name is gwen and i want to waaaaash your vaagina." But I think I would've used three "a"s, not two.

Oh man! Just googled it! Priceless! Totally A;EX'S DRUNK COMMENT. "kinda sounds short for "vaagina monologues" eh?)." Man, talk about bringing it back around.

stephanie: looking like topanga is defo a compliment.

haviland stillwell: little known fact, babypop lived in the trees and didn't get magazines. i wonder if she knows what "now and then" is. I'm hoping yes.

a;ex: Haaaay we were just talkng about you. I am sensing a pattern in your comments of you often interacting with idiots ... as you know that sexuality argument makes my eyes and brain bleed.

of course that's what mama vega said.

I think her number one fear is you turning into a boy. That's what it all boils down to. I think Thomas Kinkaide is somehow involved in this too.

Ingrid: I feel like the word "poser" is so 90's, anyway. I don't know, I think Hirst borrowed my Stussy shirt and never gave it back, whatever, he doesn't even know how to skate anyhow. But if you can get a commenter to brawl then I will sell tickets.

My surprise at Hirst's prior sales is not a response to his work -- I get it, and don't think it's any more or less valid than other major artist's sales of work -- but that it's kind of unpleasant to look at a dead animal in formaldehyde even once, let alone for the rest of your life, let alone subjecting visitors to said dead animal. omg, if I was like, guess what natalie, i got a shark, it's in seven pieces, I want to put it in the foyer, she'd be like, whatevs, I hate you, that's worse than the couch with the dead mouse in it. Or the thing that had the maggots and smelled.

I dunno, it was really crowded at BAM when I saw it and I remember the room being very smelly.

I hope you socked it to your latin professor. I expect more from Midwestern teachers, dammit.

I wish that everyone I talk to could watch The West Wing for me, because I feel most of what I ever want to say about anything important they've already said, but better.