Saturday, November 29, 2008

November Rain & Auto-Fun of the Thank-full Weekend, 11.29/30.2008

Have you seen Haviland & Riese on Alexi's Closet on AfterEllen yet? 'Cause all the cool kids are doing it. Did you have a fun Thanksgiving? Ingest some hot succulent turkey? Read our South of Nowhere Recaps for Episodes 13&14?

Haviland & I had T'giving with a bunch of crazies, including a member of the Coast Guard who just started smoking a month ago, at the age of 26 -- and can't stop chain smoking now -- and when asked why, answered that he went as Hunter S. Thompson for Halloween and just hasn't given it up since. He actually reminded me of the kind of boy I would've made out with in college. I think I once often played the "who do I want to make out with in this room and how can I make that happen?" game whenever I felt, you know, potentially bored, like at 95% of the gatherings of people I'm not related to. It's not that I have more fun with relatives, but obviously I'm not going to make out with any of them, I don't want to get whatever Sarah Palin's kids have. This whole paragraph has been kinda weird. I guess you change your mind about what feels personal and what seems like silly dust in the wind. Funny dust. Auto-funny dust. Anyhow I wasn't bored, so that whole thing was just a waste of words.

Afterwards Hav said, "He was insane but cute, he seemed like the kind of guy you would have hooked up with in college and then not wanted to talk to again." Sometimes Haviland & I actually agree about things, strange things, and I think we've finished a period where we were focused more on uncovering the differences than relishing the similarities -- you know how you do that, the relishing, when you first meet someone? Like our mutual love of Christmas Specials and dislike for public discussions of bodily functions.

I've spent the last two Thanksgivings with Haviland actually, I just realized. Last year at my place w/my roommates and her friends. There were board games and obtuse text messages. At night we made a vlog, and life was strange and silent and dead or almost-dead or heartbreaking or devastating or exploding with promise. It was a lot of things, this time last year.

Two years ago, my brother brought macaroni & cheese from New Orleans. Stephanie was visiting her family, but Haviland & Mina & Janet came over to my apartment, and eventually my roommate Maggie too. Hav had to leave for her show ... then we went to the movies, the new Christopher Guest thing. It was pouring rain and Mina dashed into the rain like a waterproof tiger to get us a yellow car. Each year I've said I'm thankful for my friends and that I'm not homeless or dead. Last year I think I jinxed myself. I've spent a lot of time the past few years in other people's versions of reality. I can't say which I ultimately liked better. Probably the fantasy.

quote: "Insofar as you are able, I would ask you, then, to be wary of the distractions of fame and the blandishments of commerce. I would ask you to be tireless and devoted in the courtship of your own imagination. I would ask you to nurture your friendships, your alligence with other human beings. If you feel grief or rage or love, give it a shape so that we as readers will know what you mean, and be able to better understand, better cope with the landscapes of our own grief and rage and love." (Barry Lopez, address to 2008 Whiting Award Winners)

1. Lulled by the celebritariat - the end of the meritocratic ideal? [by Toby Young of "how to lose friends and alienate people," son of the author of "The Rise of the Meritocracy"] (@prospect uk)
2. Britney Returns. (@rolling stone)
3. I don't even know how I got to this page or what it is -- the linking page has receeded into the history -- but it's just really good so you should read it. (@johnny i hardly knew you)
4. The era that defined Wall Street is finally, officially over. It's not like that movie anymore. (@portfolio)
5. Forty-somethings on Facebook (@forbes)
6. Authors like Elizabeth Gilbert, Nick Hornby, Geraldine Brooks, Melissa Bank tell what they want, what they're giving for the holidays: What to Give & What To Get (@penguin)
7. Chuck and Blair Going To The Movies (@emilymagazine)
8. Greatest Moments of George Bush's Speeches (@achtung baby)
9. The Perfect Workplace: "Jealous of your friend who gets massage at work? Yeah, we are too. Turns out that was just the beginning. As the business world races to merge the lost luxaries of the dotcom boom with the responsibility era, we construct the ideal workplace - Perfect, Inc. (@good magazine)
10. I have a lot of questions about this article, mostly that it seems almost like an encyclopedia entry than a trend piece: Making Artistic Careers Lucrative (@nytimes)
11. Sparkly, Sticky and Creative Art Supplies - the gift finder 2008 (@nymag)
12. Five ways Obama Has Already Changed Washington (@the daily beast.)

[This week's insomnia poem has been assembled from random lines pulled from my Diaryland entries, spanning August to October of 2000.]

Diaryland Insomnia Magnetic Poetry 2K
Love is How It's Lost, Not How it's Found

I am not going to monkey class.

My Mom says my intense fear of the phone,
sweating, etc, is all related to "generalized anxiety."
Is anxiety generally ruling my life?

I mean, I want to have sex, but I don't want to get laid.

This whole campus is horny and drunk, or playing on their computers.
I wonder about all these people.
They confuse and bewilder me.

I had yoga this afternoon.
I already knew the downward dog though,
always two feet ahead.

Apparently, last night, someone peed on Sarah.
And this kid with too many earrings threw up a lot.
And two more people had sex.
I, on the other hand, was rushing.
I quit. Boring, shallow.

I missed the Death Cab for Cutie show on monday
'cause I couldn't think of a single soul that would wanna go with me
except maybe Samara,
but I couldn't call her, 'cause I'm afraid of the phone.

and this doesn't embarrass me anymore.

I have friends that don't make any sense,
and a couple who do.

Billy Blanks told me I could do anything if I reached into my soul
and grabbed the piece of me with power.
Even if I'm tired, I can still do it, he said, and I am tired,
so I slept all day.

I'll never get over tea or lights.

I think Al Gore is cute, but if I ever liked him,
a pretty girl would steal him from me.
She wouldn't even know that I liked him.

For the past two nights I've seen Sandra Bullock romantic comedies.
I sit on my bed and it's right at the foot of my bed and
for some reason, I really like that.

That year, Anna dressed as a frog with two little styrofoam eyeballs
on her forehead. I thought that was so cool.
I wanted eyeballs like that too.

The best Halloween was when we did Peter Pan.
I think my Dad was Captain Hook, and Lewis was Peter Pan.
I was Tinkerbell.

I cannot surrender to a moment.

I think some things are just extinct.



e. said...

most amazing poem ever.

Anonymous said...

I cannot surrender to a moment.

I think some things are just extinct.

neither can i.

Anonymous said...

I love that first picture, where is it from? It's like a drawing of babypop reading or something. I love the green loafers. Forty year olds on facebook are scary, the woman I babysit for has a name to stalk her son. Excellent poem, you auto-win.

Mercury said...

Best insomnia poem ever. I think those lines are actually from journal entries I wrote in the future in a parallel universe where I went to college like was foreseen for me, like I was supposed to. I have made an art out of diving to the left whenever on a set path. But eventually I'll find myself headed where I came from, duck left a few more times, and then I'll realize I'm just going in a big circle, which is also a kind of set path. Creating what I fear out of trying to avoid it is another thing I've mastered.

eric mathew said...

this has nothing to with your entry just watched your video on alexi and thought you were hysterical the whole time. did you not want to be there? still love you.

this is our latest vlog. your mentioned. obvs.

um anyway. idk my arms asleep.

riese said...

e.: thank you! i like it too, obvs.

anonymous: i wrote that line when a trip to the natural history museum (the 'dinasour museum' as i called it when i was a kid) made me remember my whole life over. and the first line at a friend's concert, which was so good, and i was so flighty.

jersey: It's Elizabeth Peyton -- she has an exhibit right now at the new museum. I feel like her most famous painting might be the one of Kurt Cobain ... that one is a self portrait of herself from like the 60's, I think.

Mercury: thanks! I think so too. maybe i'll do one from diaries of my senior year of high school so you can see what that would've been like. or excerpts from when i had a live-in boyfriend and a dog. that would be a good example, actually, of creating something i fear out of trying to avoid it, and everything that happens after that.

eric mathew: there's something kind of magical about that vlog. i TOTALLY wanted to be there, it was the best! But you know, that's my character, just like when we're on camera Haviland's like over-the-top cheerful and etc, my camera personality is dry, apathetic, and listless. I'm not sure how well that'd transfer to the big screen, so it's a good thing I'm a writer.

autumn m said...

so...i really really really like the poem. i must say, it is by far my fav.
also, it has been snowing here all day long. not like fun fluffy snow, but the wet snow that makes it dreary outside. sad. oh and its cold.

DJL said...

I hope you took time to honor our brother today.