Monday, November 24, 2008

Where did the Good VLOG Go? Look it in the eyes ... Haviland & Riese Vlog #31 with advice!

[UPDATE: Vlog is actually working now. Sorry, I drifted off at 4:30 A.M. and forgotten I'd set it to private just in case it messed itself up. It's working! Watch it!] Sorry I've not written anything real in a while -- I think I've been trying to focus most of my writing-related energies to the novel this month. Howevs this week I've been bonding hard core with videos of Haviland Stillwell for all kinds of projects. Also, eating cookie dough out of a roll o'cookie dough we've got in our refrigerator. At night I lie in bed and worry that I face an insurmountable pointless day up ahead, it's part hopelessness and part ambitious anxiety. Part energy and part empty. You know what I mean?

Anyhow, we made a vlog. In it, you can see the signs of aging. It's uploading right now. It's been uploading for such a long time!!! omg. It's 3 AM, I wanna go to bed. We paid Time Warner a bajillion dollars to mess up three times and now that they've gone, we have full cable in the living room that we're paying for, but no more free cable in our rooms -- just four channels or something -- and the internet is now hella slow. Srsly, I want to support Prop No More Time Warner.

So in this vlog, featuring me -- Riese -- as well as Rising Star Haviland Stillwell and rising punctuation mark Semi-chi Rodriguez We're doing the advice column -- and may I say our advice is particularly piss-poor this time around -- in pieces, and on video. If you have any follow-up questions, such as "can I have actual advice?" please do drop us a line at

This week we delve into exciting territories such as: ourselves and my feelings about aging, punctuation, gay moms, straight girl crushes (breaking new ground on this one obvs/jk) and the taste of your cherry chapstick.


Anonymous said...

Maybe it's just me, but the video isn't working.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Pre-VLOG Comment: I love that you're still pulling blog titles from T&S. It also makes me smile to know it every time.

jen said...

i second the "it's not working"
i second the love for using blog titles from tegan and sara
and i second your hate for time warner. every time a customer calls them they should just say "thank you for calling time warner and we are sorry for the piss poor service. how can we make the rest of your day shitty?"

a;ex said...

omg you're gonna wake up soon and have a heartattack cause you were up til 4:30am trying to uploaded this thing! and look! oh boy...

Everyone boycott Time Warner.

DJLOMG said...

I am going to boycott Malcolm-Jamal Warner, right after I get back from the cowboy bar.

asher said...

cowboy night? so good.

i also like that you now completely refer to a;ex as tegan. nice music switcharoo right at the end there.

ps - if i'm voting hot or not, i vote hot.

Al said...

hil-a-rious video.
love the t&s titles. and the song use in the video.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Uhm bubble gum chap-et was my favorite forEVEr, save for an unfortunate vanilla phase. The Dr. Pepper ish is good stuff, though. I can vouch.

Also, it's good to know HRAC is just a credit card scam I can lump in with African banking. ;)

Also also, I can't hate on any blog to use Avril Lavigne.

I felt you in my legs / before I ever met you as our dear Semicolon debuted on screen here <== Raunchiest split-second audio clip in auto-win history

Riese coming through in the clutch with a HI-larious comment about Haviland and blowjobs yet again. Previous winner: BJ for a taco.

riese said...

anonymous: Not just you. But it's working now. FIRST!

brooklyn boy: thanks for gamely participating in the comments of this non-functioning blog post, I appreciate it.

jen: you too. It amazes me that there are so many unemployed people in the world, yet TW has apparently no standards whatsoever for its employees. Maybe I should work there. Actually that would be a really good blog post. Hm.

a;ex: Ha, yeah, um I only vaguely remember putting it up, and forgot to change it off private. Luckily I was only asleep for six hours, so hopefully I didn't spurn too many dissatisfied customers.

DJLOMG: Hm. Did you know that A;ex didn't know who The Huxtables were?

asher: I'm gonna have a cowboy night themed party really soon and everyone's gonna wanna come, and it's gonna be the party of the year.

Hav says A;ex has too many nicknames already and we're not allowed to give her another one. I disagree.

Oh and thanks! Every vote counts!

Al: Thanks!

The BB: you're a champ in this comment thread --- commenting when I'd clearly passed out rather than properly embedded the video, then doing my favorite thing ever which is noting specific details you liked about the vlog.

I wonder why they always had Dr.Pepper chapstick but never any other soda flavors. I actually used to be a big fan of Pink Lemonade. I also liked vague references to berries, like "perrywinkle" or whathaveyou.

DH said...

Aw you girls don't look a day past 18. I thoroughly enjoyed this, it made me lol,rofl,etc - so good to see you both in the same room again. Also I feel like Haviland brings something special to these advice vlogs, namely the advice.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I do what I can.

And re: Dr. Pepper, my dear Rieseling, that would be because it is the greatest flavor of carbonated beverage chapstick known to mankind, and to even bother with challengers -- which would inevitably fail to sell -- would be for naught.

Anonymous said...

omg babypop looks so much like tegan and i think you can never have enough nicknames. don't get a puppy, it's a big decision and then it bites the fedex man and it's just downhill from there. happy vlogiverrsary. is one year paper? i have some newspapers around here somewhere.

autumn m said...

when Haviland said you were getting older, you looked all sad and stuff. Things i liked about this vlog:
-"We're getting a puppy?...We're not getting anything." i love it.
-diet Dr. Pepper Chap Stick. You should probably get a patent on that.
- "That woman dancing on the bar naked, that's Phyllis."
- "dont make out with my mom"

so, you keep saying A;ex looks like tegan with her new haricut. im not gonna lie, i had no idea who that is. So...i googled it. and, i cant tell tegan and sarah apart. i live a sad life.

Haviland Stillwell said...

oh how i love these comments.
i have some feelings:
asher, thank you. you're kind. most of the ppl reading this blog probs don't remember the way swept the nation, circa '02?

DH: Who are you? Thanks for the compliment!

I think even anonymous people know how I feel about paper. Unless it's a collage from Riese.

Autumn, oh how Riese has educated will be the biggest T&S fan ever in approx 24 hours. It happens when you're in the auto-universe. And DDP chapstick would srsly make me so happy, I cannot even deal.

dewey said...

OMG!! I've missed vlogs like this, proper autowin style vlog!!!

Ive missed this blog in general to be honest, i feel I've been a bad commenter recently, Ive been reading but its hard finding time between uni life and errr...having a girlfriend! And reading it just isnt the same without commenting aswell...i must comment more!

Anyways....i still love this blog, thats all tht counts really.

eric mathew said...

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOO LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sascha Fierce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay anyway... i am so happy to see you too back together. I really think you are both pretty and no that's not the inner queen inside of me. Riesey you have this urban-american apparel- don't fuck with me-but i rock kind of look. it's so fresh and so clean, clean. and haviland has this very urban prep mixed with a splash of forever 21 and vintage clothing. I just like you and you surprise me every time. remember that dark period in my life where i couldn't pronouce haviland and she had to phonetically spell it for me? so bad.

i agree cherry chap stick... it should be i kissed a girl and i liked it, the taste of her burt's bees chap stick. right? lolz? no? okay.

shit yo. did you just use a star cross dissolve? so jeal. someone used that in a docu ronnie and i saw. it was trash. yours wasn't.

and to end. semi's haircut is serious the cutest thing EVER. ugh uber fierce.

autumn m said...

i just listened to my first tegan and sara song. i really thought i would hate it, cause everyone here likes their music. but, suprisingly, i really really really liked it. like i kinda wish someone would have forced me to listn to them a long time ago. what were you people thinking keeping this stuff from the retarded kansan?!?!? you guys should know we arent exposed to cool stuff, often. i feel like i just joined some ultra exclusive club that likes great music.

caitlinmae said...

YES! Autumn, now you'll get all of the blog titles (y'know, 'cept for the ones that are stars/tvotr lyrics)
Everything is in its right place with Haviland back as a live presence in the vlogs.
And can I say, it takes a really super editor to make something this great on iMovie? Jonathan Caouette is calling and he wants you to make a sequel to tarnation.
OMG. Could the next vlog be the Marie Lyn Bernard Tarnation? that's the holiday spirit I'm seeking.

are you guys ready for winter?

DJLWTF said...

to be fair, semi is 14 years old. and to be honest, it's what makes your relationship that much sexier.

Leah said...

Am I to believe that you and A;ex met on the interweb? That she was a lowly commenter/stalker/lover of all things Auto-win just like the rest of us?

No. F'ing. Way.

I have still not seen all the vlogs and I can't believe there are 31. I watch them and I think "I wish I had the guts to talk to a camera", but alas, I do not. I fear it, actually, and I hate my voice. Along with not being that funny, vlogs are a recipe for disaster in my household. I almost had a voting vid to show my future kids, but I ultimately f'ed it up...

Speaking of old, I recently taught myself to type. You know those women who marry men cuz they think it's the answer to life and then suffer through 25 years of children and infidelity and disconnect just to come out a divorcee with few skills and low self esteem who then decide to make a big life change and get a new career or become gay or slutty or just plain different than the "old" them and pick up new skills and hobbies like salsa dancing or asian cuisine? Well that's me, minus the divorce and kids and suffering, sub just waking up one day in my 28th year and saying, "Why can't I type? I'm tired of poking the keys. I will learn to type today!" So I googled free typing lessons and here I am, 2 months later, at about 25 words a minute. GO me.

I never wore the Dr. Pepper for one reason: too dark for my redhead complexion. True story.

Jesus I'm long winded. Too bad your vlogs aren't. You need to have longer vlogs! (that's what SHE said...)

<3 and sugary sweet lolz

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I am more than a wee bit drunk, as evidenced by my jaunt to 18th St. on the N line, which is roughly 10 stops beyond where I intended to be; initially, that is, because I ended up back at 4th Ave/9th St. at 2:45 in the a.m. b/c I am a champ. Long story short, eff (F?) the N.

Also, Eric is correct -- Burt's Bees are (is?) the sheit. That subject-verb agreement makes me confuseded. I just added the "e" hoping it would make that word spellcheck-approved. That proved incorrect, as did the word "spellcheck."

I hope everyone has a wonderful evening/morning/whenever the hell they read this. Be well, Be easy, BB.

And such. You're all good kids.

That's the end. I think. Or do believe. Cheers to 3:04 a.m.

marlene. said...

pretty sure the first lip smacker i ever had was cherry. just saying.

Mary Kate said...

Loved the vlog, especially the cherry/dr. pepper/diet dr. pepper chapstick part. Two girls definitely used katy perry and her cherry chapstick as pick-up lines on me this summer. I was confused the first time since I hadn't heard the song yet. I was like, "what? cherry chapstick? No, I have Burt's Bees--is this a chapstick emergency? Because otherwise I really don't like to share chapstick. Germs, etc..."

JD said...

Yeah, so I took a brief hiatus from commenting. Just to be clear, I was beyond lame in that I still read religiously, yet failed in any contribution whatsoever. Tried to think of a good excuse...actually being productive in the lab? Yeah, kinda. But Dewey probably summed it up way better re: gf and just school stuff.

(I think I did this a lot when I actually commented back in the day...ripping off other comments, but while I'm at it, I liked Caitlinmae's Radiohead ref to Everything in Its Right Place and I second that- great vlog, promise to be around more often now, bc I'm sure the void was large...or not)

a;ex said...

Why is it that I look like Tegan and not Sarah? Just wondering... I'm apparently trying to break the world record for number of nicknames someone has.

Like Benjamin, I'm so glad you put the blowjob comment in here. I thought there was a chance it would've been left on the cutting room floor.

Wait, is the lemon tree for real? Can I eat the lemons from it? We'll need them for the vodka-tonics. Autumn auto-wins for sure.

Also, to address Leah's comment:
I read only Riese's recaps before I actually met Hav and Riese for reals. I had no idea what Auto-Win was and only commented here after we met and I realized it was sort of a requirement. ;)

jen said...

i know riese will get a;ex on that last comment...Sara with an "h".... really a;ex? really?

a;ex said...

oh I think Riese will get on me for more than that.
Speaking of topping...
She may or may not yell at me for down-playing my readership/commenting on her recaps in that last comment.

But also! also! I got the "h" from autumn's comment! I did! Yell at her first! err.... I'm a really bad homosexual, have I mentioned this?

word verif: necken.

riese said...

oh wow! hi! so many comments to respond to, what a special fiesta, and I will.

has anyone told autumn yet that tegan & sara are twins? ok brb.