Tuesday, September 23, 2008

And they were all in pointed hats, caught in a rebel birthday shout

Hello! Today is John Coltrane's 27th birthday and today I turn 62, which means I'm officially old enough to get into Cedar Point, roller coaster capital of the world, for only $19.99, and order from the Senior Menu at Bob Evans Restaurant. Clearly a road trip to Ohio is in order.

Last year, for my 26th birthday, I was in a bit of a "state" which inspired me to shun all my friends' offers for traditionally exciting birthday activities in favor of spending the day walking from South Street Seaport to Harlem by myself while listening to a rape memoir on audiobook. It was very cathartic, all my friends thought I was crazy (true) and when I got back home, Haviland brought me soft-serve and we had a platonic sleepover, one of our top ten favorite activities. This year she won't be here, 'cause she's in Los Angeles, did you see her in her cute green dress at the Heroes red carpet thing on NBC tonight? We did!

This year I have nowhere to walk to or from, this year I am what I am and who knows what will happen besides of course the Early Bird special, dinner and drunkathon with my friends and some preventative botox. For the incredibly compelling recap of everything I've ever done on my birthday ever, check out this post from last year.
I hope to receive some anti-aging products from Oil of Olay to keep my thighs perky and punctual because speaking of the days of the year -- this Sunday I'll be participating in a photo shoot for the Sex Blogger Calendar. That's right, I'm gonna be in not one but TWO calendars next year, like the song "Calendar Girl," June, July, August, September, October, I'm alive!

This is the part where I provide an enticing and sexy blurb on my blog about the Sex Blogger Calendar. Howevs, like most things I'm involved in where I was invited by anyone besides Haviland, I'm not 100% sure why I've been asked to participate (which makes it even more exciting!) probs because of Tinkerbell, who btw is really excited and has lots of outfits picked out. She's a natural. Despite my relative certainty that perhaps they meant to ask someone else, I'm super pumped about doing it FOR REAL! Yay! I just hope all the other girls are nice to me, and no-one asks me if I actually blog about sex. It's being sponsored by Eden Fantasies so I hope to get a free dildo or something. Probs not, but maybe I can just touch one.

Furthermore, apparently all my co-models (inlcuding Waking Vixen who hosted that sex panel I was on for her book Naked on the Internet, RKB who hosts that reading series I did and edited that book I was in, Jayme Waxman who is awesome, Sugarbutch who is a famous lesbian blogger that I demolished in the lesbian blog contest and Lux Alwayshasanewlastname who was also on the sex panel with me) all have burlesque costumes (the required dress code) handy ... I kinda don't, and it'd seem American Apparel boy-briefs are not appropriate for burlesque. I've had three alternative costume ideas so far:

1. Burlesque in Winter (intended to cover as much of my body as possible)
2. Little Edie does Burlesque (an excuse to pull out the American flags and do the flag dance, because I love freedom)
3. Recreating the famous K.D. Lang/Cindy Crawford Vanity Fair photo-shoot with a burlesque twist. I'd get a hot wig and play Cindy Crawford and Sugarbutch could be K.D. Lang.

This is what I'm supposed to tell you about the calendar: "Twelve of NYC’s most dynamic literary and sex positive women -writers, sex educators, film makers, and ordinary women - are joining together in order to support Audacia Ray’s Sex Work Awareness Project. We are some of the New York area’s best and brightest, and we want to see the stigma associated with sex work and workers removed.

In our limited edition 2009 calendar we will be “taking if off” at the Slipper Room. All profits from the sale of this calendar will go directly to Sex Work Awareness. The poses will be fun and flirty and burlesque themed, with no graphic nudity. Think costumes, corsets, pasties and g-strings.

Stacie Joy, whose specialty is burlesque and New York nightlife, is our amazing photographer. We also have the cooperation of two wonderful graphic designers, Sinclair and Jack, working together to make this project a smashing success."

Then I'll tell you that you can sponsor this project by purchasing a "day" on the calendar or other advertising opps which are all described here and are very reasonably priced and you should do it, especially you Lozo. Obviously you will be buying the calendar, unless I look fat or chinless in the picture, in which case I will pretend like it never happened.

That being said, I obviously am a huge advocate for Sex Workers Rights and have a lot of things to say on that topic ... and I'll share all of my feelings as the project goes on ... perhaps after I find an outfit that doesn't make me look like a 12-year old boy. It's gonna be hot and fun and I'm really looking forward to Sunday, 'cause I like having other people do my makeup and play with my hair.
What do I want for my birthday? Well, the right answer is that I don't want anything. Besides Egyptian Cotton sheets, an apartment, world peace, love, Barack Obama for President and for everyone to be nice to everyone forever. I want so many things.

Tinkerbell wants cash money, Obama wants your support, and I want y'all to participate in the book club discussion if you read the book. But you can participate even if you didn't read the book, since not reading the book is a metaphor for how you probably really feel, which's that you read the book.

See you on the Raptor!! Wheeee!! (a Raptor, FYI, is a rollercoaster, which is a metaphor for how I feel about life, because of my Mom, who birthed me 72 years ago in a wagon down by the river, like Moses.)
Young Haviland & her brother wish Riese a Time Travel Happy Birthday!
The book club discussion will keep on going in the post below, so hop to it, kiddos, and I will too.


Crystal said...

Happy Birthday!
I'm about to email you your birthday present. Here's a hint: It involves 3x headline options, 3x bullet points and 3x paragraphs. It'll be all you never knew you wanted.

I'm going to go and participate in the book club now. Onward!

autumn m said...

happy birthday i guess. i would get you the correct non offensive gift but we dont really know each other and that would be weird. unless you want a gift from a random internet person, in that case, let me know. i wish i could have fun sleep overs, platonic or other wise. thats all ill say about that. and how many times do i need to tell you, you do have a chin, and its a very nice chin at that.

Razia said...

Happy Birthday!! You can trust that I will drink to it. Copiously. As I do.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday! I unintentionally polished off a bottle of wine last night, which will now have been IN YOUR HONOR. [I appreciate the retroactive excuse for solo-drinking.]

I also hate to break it to you, but living in England and all--where the only mode of fashion is "all tarty, all the time"--I've come to suspect that "burlesque in winter" is basically still totally naked-like. I've seen girls here in 2 inch skirts with some sort of semi-furry booted footwear and a strappy camisole in like, January, aka official "tits freeze off" time in these parts of the world, which is somewhat admirable and probably also the reason that it's so hard to get a doctor's appointment here.

Bridget said...

Happy Birthday! Sorry I haven't read the book this time around. I finish High School in several weeks so I should have time to participate in the next book club (there will be one, right?).

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday! Pithy and poignant comment about the passage of time. (=

dewey said...

Hey hey hey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Lexi said...

Happy Birthday!

And Cedar Point is one of the best places on earth(unless you go with dance team and get stuck with the lame people who won't ride anything bigger than Magnum.)

Allie said...

Happy birthday! You should certainly take a road trip to Ohio and we'll go to Cedar Point. I only ask that since you're 62, you also come in a wheelchair. That way you not only get in cheaper, but we can skip to the head of all the lines.

a;ex said...

Whats this I hear about riding a Magnum? What?
Oh hi! Anyway! Happy birthday babies! Love!

rod said...

Happy Birthday!
May all your dreams come true, except any non fun/inappropriate ones. Although, if they did come true, you would at least not have to worry about the Sunday Top Ten topic, which I think is the greatest gift I could give you.

I would like to echo sivi's comment, burlesque in winter old news for the brits, seen as over here we are so fashionable we don't care if we die of pneumonia on the way to da club. I vote flags. Yay freedom!

NEP said...

in 2003 i went to cedar point horrifically hungover, chose the raptor as my first coaster conquest, and immediately vomited upon disembarkment. the good news was that afterwards i ate an elephant ear and felt much better, and the bad news was the closest trash bin was surrounded by a family of 6 (including gramps in a wheelchair).

happy birthday! i'm going to comment on book club now. would have done it earlier but i just moved and comcast won't give me internet/tv until october. wtf.

stephanie w said...

Happy birthday!! I'll pick up your intro week at Bikram if you're interested! I go to this studio: http://bikramyogales.com usually to the 6:30 during the week (sometimes 4pm on Fri) and either 10am or noon on weekend. If there is a time coming up that is good for you, let me know! Also, you should wear shorts for this, not pants. I have to wring out my clothes after class.

e. said...

Happy Birthday, Riese! The fact that you share your birthday with the Boss can only be interpreted as auspicious. Maybe this year will be your 1975!

shannon said...

happy birthday!!! I'm actually starting your old book club selection tomorrow (oscar wao) and will try to write about it once I've finished.

Danielle said...

oh calendar girl who is lost to the world, stay alive, and have a wonderful birthday!

jenn said...

happy birthday!!

Tina-cious.com said...

Happy birthday! :)

Stephanie said...

Tonight we're gonna be the party, we will party all night long!

And by "we," I mean me, House M.D., and a bottle of wine. Honestly can't think of a better party though, but that's just me. Have a great one!

Blessings From Above said...

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Here's wishing you nothing but a fabulous day! I kind of wished you this yesterday on Twitter but forgot that Facebook for some insane reason tells you ONE DAY BEFORE that THAT day is the person's birthday.

I was a total Cedar Point fanatic when I was young, so I am all about the Cedar Point visits even though it's in like Ohio but ALSO the Bob Evans as well, because if I remember correctly their buttermilk biscuits with sausage milk gravy plate was rivaled by no other save my mother's. So yeah I am totally down with the celebrations planned for your fabulous 62nd!

Happy Happy to you today, my dear!

AV Flox said...

I didn't realize you were on the panel for Naked on the Internet. That's been on my reading list forever. Now I'm going to pick it up for sure. OMG, I can't believe I'm in a calendar with you, I'm your new No. 1 fan!

Happy birthday, gorgeous.

rk said...

happy birthday!

Mercury said...

Happy birthday, rockstar you.

basia said...

automatic happy auto-birthday. congratulations on the sex worker calendar. my debt will hit $85k in about 10 days when tuition is due, so my gift to you is love. just love. sorry.

Leah said...

Happy Birthday, Riese. I have to say that in my lifetime, I've known three people named Reese/Riese. The first was a guy in high school, he was a Latin King. The second was a girl from college who became a gym teacher. I hooked up with her and it was awkward. You are, by far, my fav Riese.

Eat drink and be merry.

caitlinmae said...

The make up artist on my shoot today looked JUST like you, and she had a chin that went on for days. Maybe she can do your make up on the sex blog calendar shoot, and she wouldn't even need a mirror, because you look alike, and stuff.
Anyway, I hear your sixties are supposed to be swinging. and with that, I bring you birthday auto-fun of my own:

caitlinmae said...

whole link?

Meghan said...

Happy birthday!!

Vashti said...

Happy birthday! Is it even still your birthday on the east coast? I don't even know anymore. It's hard to tell time when you're time traveling. It's also hard to type when the stupid delete button on my phone isn't working. Whatever. Happy birthday anyway! Have fun at the shoot on Sunday. Um, I'll join the book discussion tomorrow when I have real internet access and time to think about what I want to say. I was going to comment the other night but it was still in the draft stage so I didn't.

Love from the land of rain, hippies, and organic food.

dani said...

happy birthday weirdo!!!
lots of love, obama, peace, apartments, sheets and new outfits for ti-ta-tinkerbell!!!
and: it's so remarkable that haviland started twitching her eyebrows in kindergarten.


Dave "Boy Shorts" Lozo said...

Burlesque? That's so disappointing. Why do you people think something that was hot and sexy 80 years ago is still that way today? God invented a thong for occasions just like this, damn it.

I think burlesque is something fat chicks use in order to pretend like they're doing something sexy when in fact they are just fat chicks dressed funny. You're better than that, with your thin and punctual thighs and all.

Oh, happy birthday or something. I'll sponsor you all right, if you know what I mean, dude!

MoonKiller said...

Happy birthday for the other day. :)

I'll get you some Egyptian Cotton sheets cause in work we've got loads.

Alison said...

It cracked me up to see Walter on your blog. I graduated from high school with him!