5. Beverly Hills 90210
So last night I saw the new 90210 'cause I'm trying to relax in the evenings and enjoy my newfound freedom to leave my room [I'm currently crashing with natalie while her roommates are in France]. It's now the 100th show to employ aforementioned plot device and unfortunately that device is officially done and DONE.
"A private plane? really?" = BORING, no longer interesting in and of itself.
"Oh my god, the spoiled rich girl wants to get out of a paper for her sweet 16 party!"=LAME.
90210 broke barriers, but its sticky territory is now familiar and well-trod. Therefore, in the 21st century it ain't easy to create an inventive or surprising teen show -- the shock value stuff's been done and now you've gotta find a truly inventive way to make it really fresh & current. That "evil blogger" storyline on the new 90210 .. that don't cut it. [Teevee writers always have such a bizarre perspective on how the internet is actually used by teenagers.] Also, that poorly executed prescription drug deal? Doesn't cut it either. If we want that, we can watch Intervention.
I wanna see Colin in a high-speed chase with coked-out Kelly, I want David Silver flushing meth down the toilet when Dylan comes over, I want Donna on the bed with the rose petals ready for sexy time and I want that kid blowing his brains out and Brandon telling Andrea she doesn't know about condoms 'cause she's never done the dirty dirty and I want Ray pushing Donna down the stairs come on!!
Rehashing prior character's stereotypes [e.g., Andrea Zuckerman's daughter] is cute at first, but ultimately I don't think these characters will ever stand on their own. In the 90s, I had a serious relationship with Kelly Taylor & Valerie Malone & Claire ... I wanted to be them. I wanted to be cool and sexy and popular and if that meant I had to do crazy things like they did, I would, and I did, and it wasn't as cute when I did them. But despite these negative effects -- still! I totally cared if Donna Martin graduated! (also, check out this site of 90210 fantastichood)
I could barely get the names straight on last night's "New 90210." Despite its hopeless soapiness, I knew Brandon Walsh, David Silver and Valerie Malone like they were real people, and it's not just 'cause I've seen all 5 bajillion episodes. I knew them better from the pilot than I know anyone from last night. [that often happens to me w/r/t last night, though]
The difference between a successful show -- even a "bad" successful show, e.g., Dawson's Creek, Gossip Girl, The O.C., the original Beverly Hills 90210 -- and a shitty show is strong, fleshed-out, fully realized characters with distinct and NEW stories to tell. E.g., we need a lesbian reveal. The adopted black brother thing is just like South of Nowhere, it's over. Also, it's just like the life of Marie Lyn Bernard dot blogspot dot com, so whatever.
I mean, srsly, you know who needs a spinoff? EMILY VALENTINE, that's who.
Emily Valentine could host a talk show or a judge show. Or maybe it could be about the punked out kids she has.
4. Delia*s & Other Mail-Order Clothing
Still; my memories of Clarissa are vague. Howevs, I recall this: she rocked outfits I could only dream of rolling. She mastered the denim rolled-up shorts over the leggings which I tried to pull off too but my leggings were too baggy.
I always seem to remember Ghostwriter, one of my fave shows I was allowed to watch in the liberal hippie dungeon where I lived, as being on Nickelodian, but obvs it was on PBS.
-Angela Chase, My So-Called Life
Glintz! Glints! I just remembered!!!! Featured Dylan McKay's wife who got shot! Look! Here's the tv ad, remember it?
We had a lot of bold ideas w/r/t hair color in the 90s. Consequentially we expressed ourselves with Manic Panic, Nice 'n Easy, Sun-In, and the always reliable magic markers (you could give yourself baby blue highlights during lunch!). Many a towel and bathroom floor was ruined by glops of inevitably crimson glow-ish hair dye -- a sure sign to our parents that we'd done it again. Blonde to red to black to brown to purple and back again, just whatever. Salons were not punk enough for us.
It wasn't about going natural, it was about pissing off your parents and having something fun to do on a Friday night. For example, it's difficult to rebel when you live in a barbed-wire enclosed jail cell like I did. But one thing I could do? Dye my hair, the one thing my mother (claimed she had) told me not to do before my brother's Bar Mitzvah. Whatevs. Look at that dress! I'm GOLDEN.
1. Your Photos
Vashti's ready to hang ten at the skate park
got her helmet on, she ain't afraid of the dark
Crystal says cowabunga dude 'cause she's ready to pump it up
what's in the fanny pack? can i get a what what
like blossom ms. jackson's got flowers on her babydoll dress
madonna says call 1-888-2-confess
M.C Hammer's pants have got nothing on cookie's hot green shoes
she's ready to dance to Hewey Lewis and the News
That may be a laser gun in his hands or puffy paint on the shirt
he clearly doesn't know what's gonna happen to kurt
moonkiller can't go wrong in pink pants and shoes with polka dots
like the chicago bulls she's making all her shots
A.C Slater would love the wash on these smashin' shortalls
Clarissa explains it all: don't go chasin' waterfalls
Meghan has a lot of deep thoughts, thus she needs a beret
She don't gotta pray just to make it today hey!
Jonathan Brandis has got nothing on this Ladybugs-esque do
Sinead O'Conner says nothing compares to you
Snoop Dogg says drop it like it's hotttt
FYI, that's not Carly, that's torrie's sister
she's gonna bust a move like mister mister
"Grownups like to tell you where they were when President Kennedy was shot, which they all know to the exact second. Which makes me almost jealous, like I should have seen something important enough to know where I was when it happened. But I don't yet. And in fact it was a better time then, and people knew what they were supposed to do and how to make the world better. Now nobody knows anything."
-Angela, My So-Called Life
(register, y'all. be there when something happens.)