Monday, April 07, 2008

One VLOG of Magic Rush w/Semicolon & Your Auto-Fun of the Day:: 4-7-08

I can't decide if I'm hot or cold: do I need a hoodie? Yes! No. Yes! I think I must be going through menopause, which it just took me five attempts to spell correctly. Anyhow, menopause wouldn't surprise me I guess, 'cause nothing does anymore! E.g., you're probs not too surprised that this isn't a Sunday Top Ten, and perhaps you're only slightly surprised that I haven't, in fact, posted anything since Friday night. Furthermore, my nail polish is chipping, I accidentally made a freshdirect order that was 50% wine 50% potato products, I'm wearing sweatpants (and a hoodie -- no, yes, no, yes) & listening to Tegan & Sara, I think someone just got shot on my street, I almost had to kill a bitch at the post office, and I've consumed approx. ten string cheeses this weekend. Also I don't think I've eaten a piece of fresh fruit since I lived at home in 1995. That's neither here nor there. Actually, I guess, technically -- it is right here.

So even though I wasn't able to produce much writing this weekend, I was near-done with a vlog anyhow and so I GOT IT for you right here and also, there's AUTO-FUN after the video. A Sunday Top Ten may or may not follow later this week ... so many things happening! I'm sure about 15-16 of you are on the edges of your proverbial seats for "Stuff I've Been Reading: March," and there's Autowin's Second Birthday and everything related to my new-improved awareness of your wants, desires & needs following the reader survey.

Sooo ... this week via "Hav (But Really A;ex) & Riese Vlog #22: Whatever You Want, Whatever You Need," I continue my Sisyphysian labor of convincing you that even though Haviland's still walkin' on sunshine in L-to-the-A, we can still make entertaining vlogs starring cute homosexual ladies/men. Upcoming guest vloggers include Carlytron and Natalie (who isn't necessarily homosexual, but is very open-minded and feminist). When exactly? I dunno. Eventually.

But srsly, this week's super-special, 'cause I figured out how to download movies off of youtube, and therefore our "Dancing with the Stars" tribute to Jodi/Marlee Matlin is ... um ... super-special? It's a good thing I didn't try to write anything real this week. Anyhow, topics include: SHE CAN'T HEAR THE MUSIC, A;ex's loss of innocence, A;ex's love of the sport and/or Lozo, Alex's long career as a cheerleader experience, and the Tinkerbell/Littlefoot/RuPaul "thing."

Also I accidentally left a random clip on the end about 20 seconds after the video should end ... 'cause I'm a genius. I think it was fate, you guys really need to know about my bangs. There's more solid footage on this vlog left, which I'll probs integrate into the next vlog.

AND! Now! The Vlog soundtrack page has been updated.

Auto-Fun of the Day :: 4- 7-2008
quote: "Maybe I've finally arrived at that high plateau / where philosophy lives with despair, / where nothing can be done but know / nothing can be done. / Maybe that's why I'm laughing, / why I feel like saying Jesus Christ / over and over again, as if it were a mantra / full of amazement and resignation." (Stephen Dunn, "Amidst the Faltering")

1) Bloggers have a lot of feelings, often die from it, the NYT is again about a year late on their latest trend piece: In Web World of 24/7 Stress, Writers Blog Until They Drop" ... also, some of it's kinda true ... but seriously, those salary claims again?! (@nytimes)
2) "Technically, I'm still reading about 400 novels."(@the elegant variation)
3) "The Best Books, articles, and web sites to help you organize your life" cites one of my favorite articles, "The Autumn of the Multitaskers." (
4) YES SHE CAN: "Scarlett Johanasson Makes Best-Ever Album By An Actor." (@nymag culture vulture)
5) Big Boi of Outkast has joined the Atlanta Ballet: "Pirouettes and Street Cred: Atlanta's Hip-Hop Ballet" (@nytimes)
6) It all began with Oscar Wilde -- "iconoclastic, bisexual, Irish" -- who "pioneered the cult of youth and turned himself into a brand." (@times uk)
7) Mixed-gender housing in college dormitories is "edging into the mainstream." (@boston globe)
8) accrding to sum smart ppl from harvard u, web vid's dont have 2 b "vapid" and so they made a site culled BigThink : "YouTube for Smart People" (@the nation)
9) "Do you get the impression that the Dalai Lama is not exactly the brightest bulb in the room?” Pico Ayer's new book "searches" for the enigmatic religious leader. (@nytimes book review)
10) I don't really know what to say about this clip from British drama "Skins": yay lesbian kissing, boo any references to "the power of the pussy"? but I can totally say thank you eric mathew for alerting me to "The Big Gay L Word Promo," which is fo'real funny. (@youtube)


Lozo said...

does this lead-in call me homosexual? that and the "i love cock" clip might give eric matthew the wrong idea.

and let me tell you -- what semi lacks in cleavage she makes up for in vagina. totally worth the $4K.

amlisdabomb said...

So, I broke my ankle yesterday and am confined to chairs/beds etc, but not really etc. I was on the phone with one of my bff's who was at Dinah Shore yesterday. Then, I saw there was a new vlog. I completely stopped talking and listening to watch.

I couldn't stop laughing or singing the Jackson 5/Britney Spears.

I'm glad Semicolon is supporting the Spice Girls. For me personally, it would be Ilene Chaiken, but SG are a close second.

eric mathew said...

before i get to the amazingness....

lozo it's one "T" my mother had two kids at once and forgot how to spell mathew. but which clip...anyway.

you two are A-FREAKING-MAZING. ummm riese i am very proud of your editing skills intergrating the DWTS clips with the vlog. semi your dancing makes me proud.

i think corrupting the innocent youth is just a part of life. i mean ursula did it to ariel...

i am also really glad you like the lword clip.

there are so many thoughts i want to post..oh ronnie was a cheerleader too. so semi and her can do a cheer.

e. said...

Did A;ex cheerlead for the Long Island Long...backs? Because that's totes what I was imagining, maybe if she'd committed more to the whole "be aggressive" thing the Long...backs could have overcome that ponderous pause in their name.

Funny and charming stuff, chicas, good show.

Anonymous said...

can I have this every monday morning???
sooooooo good! I watched the vlog about 5 times to learn the choreography...

Jo said...

Is that Tegan and Sara at the beginning? It is, isn't it? What song is that/ what album is it off of? I'm assuming one of the difficult to find, early albums. Anyway, I like it. I also liked this vlog. awesome way to start Monday morning!

Also, link #7 talks about my school. I love my uber-liberal school.

riese said...

ozo: Look, I'm not the straight dude or the gay girl who said "I love cock" on camera ... anyhow what you lack in onscreen declarations of homosexuality, you make up for in textual declarations of vagina-appreciation.

amlisdabomb: Firstly, guess who else is at Dinah Shore? Um, Semicolon! Also, anything I can do to distract people from the tiring business of speaking on the phone, I consider a job well done!

eric mathew: I think we can both agree here that one shouldn't ever underestimate the power of body language ... on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word ... I hope Ronnie's got a better command of on-demand spelling than Semi, she might have to carry the team ...

e.: I've done a quick fact check and determined that she actually cheered for the Minneola ... Min ... ers? The Minneola Miners! Sixteen tons and whaddya get, etc.

anonymous: aw! That's like how many times I watched Newsies to learn the choreography. I mean ... ok, I watched Newsies like 15 times to learn the choreography, but it was probs more complicated. Keep re-watching, view numbers stroke my ego-strings.

jo: it is not, it is "heartbeats" by the knife, which actually was imported into my itunes along with my first load of t&s last july. I've updated the soundtrack page here. Speaking of uber-liberal schools, I lived with dudes in my first year at Sarah Lawrence, though I guess they were mostly either stoned or gay, and not necessarily in my room specifically. Though it sure felt like it.

Haviland Stillwell said...

oh girls, i loved this! ohhhh semicolon!

Anonymous said...

I don't think that the Newsie choreography is more complicated...alex is a tough maybe I'm just the better dancer ;-)
but I'll keep on re-watching..for your ego and for my entertainment.
you rock! and alex rocks...!

ry guy said...

I have had the privilege of seeing Alex don a cheerleading costume(uniform? let's get serious here people). It was red and white in all it's tacky, outdated glory. Alex was actually instrumental in spearheading the movement to bring back our defunct Mustang Cheerleaders, haha. Then quit 2 week later. I seriously am not kidding here, I may or may not have pictures to prove it. Also Alex teaches classes on how to perfect her "Guido Side Punch" Dance, as seen during her dance sequence.

eric mathew said...


and lozo's "i love cock" comment was not convincing enough for me. it was hessitant...almost like a shy puppy coming put of the womb."

or in Lozo terms when that guy from the mets said he wasn't gay...i think that's the story.

Lozo said...

who is ozo? sounds gay to me.

laia said...

this vlog is the funniest ever. you guys rock!!

MoonKiller said...

i. I was listening to Heartbeats earlier and everyone was like 'Omg who covered Jose Gonzalez' it grinds my gears to the max.
ii. It's not rape, it's surprise sex.
iii. I'm embarassing too fo'sho
iv. my wordverif is 'pljup'...its just so fun to say.

amlisdabomb said...

well, I hope Semicolon got to see Helena and Dylan make out...again. And Shane and Alice (aka real people Kate and Leisha) also make out. True story.

Just the mere fact that the afterellen girls were running down the hallway arm in arm singing the Laverne and Shirley theme song makes me almost sad I missed it.

Yes, talking on the phone after a while just makes me zone out. I usually come and read your blog and say "uh huh" when it feels appropriate.

Crystal said...

I loved the cheer. Want to know my secret? I love anything to do with cheerleading. Bring It On is one of my top ten favourite movies. Would be in my top 5 if Amanda Bynes was in it, but you can't win 'em all. I don't really know what I'm talking about. Good morning.

jenn said...

ohh i carnt think of anything better than coming home from a 12 hour shift to find a new vlog/gift of you and a;ex...
also im holidaying in the US soon and have a spare $4.100, just an idea?? joke?
you two ladies are the dogs bollocks.
fucking fantastic vlog...there realy is no need for my bad language think i may have taretts!!

Anonymous said...

Riese, you look incredibly attractive in this vlog. Not as if you weren't previously; just more so this time.

Jaime said...

It's like a bonus track!

I'd just like to thank Semicolon for not being afraid to rock the space-where-cleavage-would-otherwise-be. I know this ruins my chances with Lozo once and for all, but word.

a;ex said...

Riese, it was the Mineola Mustangs, and umm I don't wanna talk about it anymore...
(Ryan, you will die if those pictures emerge.)
cheerleading in actuality is nothing like Bring It On, which like Crystal, (hey girl!) is on my favorite movies list.

Also, there are lots of cute friggin comments going on here... Its nice to return to after surviving Dinah Shore.

Anonymous said...

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Adam said...


Lozo used to say the same thing, until they put him in one, and look what happened then...he underwent this whole transformation where he started loving cock and becoming a lesbian.

Vlog is obvs just code for brainwashing, as evidenced by the extremely confusing mechanics of Lozo's transformation.

The moral of the story is: they're only going to vlog you; this won't hurt a bit.

A. said...'s very odd to have someone else comment with my name. Unsettling.

Vlog was fun. You guys are fun. I hate commenting when I have absolutely nothing to add.

So to keep things interesting, and your day amusing... call your local barista "Sparkle Boots" while looking them right in the eye today. It will fuck them up.

-Original Alicia

riese said...

haviland: ohhhhhh semicolon.

anonymous: omg, that sounds like a dancing with the stars challenge.

ry guy: ok, I think you need to dig up both that outfit and the alleged pictures of which you speak. Then we can get some classes rolling.

eric mathew: I feel like there's a hidden penis joke to be made here, but I'm not sure what it was exactly.

lozo: everything sounds gay to me.

laia: thanks!

moonkiller: "It's not rape, it's surprise sex." = hilarious. I love that we're always listening to the same music.

amlisdambomb: is that a true story about the making out of helena and dylan? I'm pretty sure alex felt like she was in the innermost ring of hell, which makes me glad, after all, that I did miss it.

Sometimes I like to mix in "mmmmms" with the "uh huh"s. And, of course, "her"s.

crystal: The real secret is I feel like I already knew that you loved Bring it On, I mean, it's no She's the Man, but ...

jenn: Maybe she gives a discount for the ladies. But y'know you'd have to ask her. Pimpin ain't easy!

anonymous: are you sure it's not semicolon who looks really attractive? People think we look alot alike.

jaime: I think it's hard for any woman to ruin their chances with Lozo once and for all.

a;ex: Indeed, we had a little segment about Bring it On still on the cutting room floor, I think where you say you love it and I say I barely remember it. I think those pictures are Ryan's birthday present to himself and I must see them. Must see Mustangs. Get it, it's like a rhyme.

alicia: Thanks! I'll check it out!

adam: [In responding to your comment responding to a now-redacted comment:] I agree. I think what everyone needs, clearly, is to be in a vlog, and then tunes'll be changed all around the world, like world peace!

caitlinmae said...

is cheerleading like american beauty? where you ejaculate rose petals from your boobs?
more pillaging, plz.
This is adorable, as per usual. But I still feel that positive commenting feeds your desire to create more and more frequently, which, in turn, makes the world a better place.
Also, I love the knife.
Also, britney singing overprotected is like, so ironic right now, because obvs jamielynn wasn't protected enough (or using enough protection)

amlisdabomb said...

it is in fact, a very true story. my friend (same person as the phone call, obvs) worked Dinah Shore and I received ridiculous text messages all night. It's strange, because she also agreed that it was the innermost ring of hell. She loves being treated like a piece of meat, but she's still out of it and disoriented and hates life a little more. She went to Dinah Shore and came back a different person.

Also, OF COURSE I add some "hers" in there. "mmm" sounds a little sexual, but I'll try it the next conversation.

ps: May 10th. Uh Huh Her. Miami. Broken ankle. Crutches. Equals a good time.

jenn said...

i would say im not gunna ask her cos im shy but in all fairness that would be a fib,im not!! discount would be good tho?? oow this needs to stop i sound like hugh grant!!
plus you are right ....pimping aint easy, but you do it so dam well. vlog on!

riese said...

a. Sorry I missed you the first time around -- I think you commented around the same time I did. Anyhow, I love everyone who comments even if they have nothing to add. I would've called my barista Sparkle Boots today if I hadn't wanted to take off my boots and whap him over the head with it 'til he sparkled and then made my godforsaken drink a lot more quickly.

caitlinmae: cheerleading is just like American Beauty. Or at least, that's what I was thinking, mostly about rose petals ejaculating from boobs, complete with pilaging, which's what cheerleaders do for fun in most of the movies I've seen ...
Overprotected is also ironic in terms of Brit chekcing herself out of the mental hospital when clearly she just needed to um, like, STAY.

amlisdabomb: That true story is going to make my head explode ... AND ... A;ex came back without a voice! I mean, it's like ... raspy.

jenn: How's twenty bucks?

jenn said...

thats a deal pimpett!!!

ABeos said...


Vashti said...

actually riese, imma be super grammar geek and say that must see mustangs is more like alliteration. but whatevs. maybe it rhymes like rain and again rhyme. so it kind of rhymes.. but not really at all.

amlisdabomb said...

I feel like having your head explode may not be in your best interest. I wish I had photographic proof.

BUT, I just spoke with said friend, and she is acting weirder than usual. Instead of a raspy voice (which is hot, btw), her body aches all over. I didn't ask questions.

Tell A;ex to gargle salt water. Or pretend she is Sophia Bush.

JD said...

Speaking of perfectly articulating thoughts that are clumsily tumbling around in my head, "e." did that for me wrt how I feel about this perfectly it was scary- everything from nodding in agreement to being drawn in by Riese's "monumental honesty." However, I was less successful at talking myself out of e-mailing Riese, as I somehow (incorrectly) thought that e-mailing instead of commenting would be more "sincere." (For a second, I thought that my naivety to blogging in general justified my over-earnest choice of communication ... totes not true. As it turns out, I'm just a weirdo). Anyway, I learned my lesson after one "blatheringly overwrought e-mail."

Loved this top 10. Happy bday AW!

JD said...

Um, yeah, above comment was supposed to go with yesterday's Top 10.
I need more sleep.