Saturday, November 24, 2007

This Is the Way Is the Way That We Vlog But For Reals

Firstly, this vlog is very important because we filmed some last night AND some this morning, which means it's like having a sleepover w/Riese and Haviland, just sans cuddling and sweet sweet somethings. Howevs, all this filming means I had to trek through about five gazillion hours of lesbian turkish oil wrestling and L Word scene reenactments to obtain 4-5 minutes of quality comedy gold, but it was worth it, because gold, like diamonds and SARS, is forever. We did some great scenes from Showtime's Hit Series "The L Word," coming back to a teevee near you on January 6th 2008, played "Catchphrase," AND we discussed important topics such as my recent computer problem, my impressive wake-up time on Thanksgiving, and how to win a million dollars or two chicks at once. Also, I was sober for the entire thing again, and therefore not nearly as charming, clumsy or funny as I probably am if you've ever met me in a public place like a bar, club, concert or street corner.

Secondly; I read this article in The Atlantic about how multi-tasking is gonna make our brains explode and I resolved to stop multitasking forever. Then I went to the apple store and they said they were gonna take away my baby for 3-5 days! I'm on Haviland's computer now, she's a good friend, clearly. Anyhoo, although apparently the look on my face ("are you okay?" she said) indicated I was about to drop dead right there in the apple store, I actually felt quite zen: I thought calmly to myself -- "It'll be easier to avoid multi-tasking without a computer." Howevs: I'm currently writing this, compressing the vlog, and changing for the gym, but I'm pretty sure I'll start this resolution next week, if not tomorrow. Also guess what? It's ready now, I'm gonna pick it up tonight circa midnight, see you on i-chat later, howevs I'll be devoting my energies to only one convo at a time so first come first served.

My resolution: one physical and one audio-visual task at a time. For starters, I'll stop listening to my ipod while walking, and instead pay attention to the world around me. Guess what's going on in the world around me? On Fifth Ave (apple store territory), there's dozens of Nordic looking girls shopping in adorable winterwears (e.g., hoodies and furry boots): they travel in packs (sisters? friends? lesbian makeout bandits?), I'd enjoy curling up by a fireside with 1-5 of these girls maybe. Also, there's lots of Jewish and Indian girls who're super-angry at their short boyfriends, they like fighting loudly on the street outside of expensive buildings. Also, everyone in Planet Harlem is insane and yells at me and I hate them, except the guy who said my haircut was "real cute," he's an automatic winner, and the guy in the black rainboots and the blue tracksuit who directs imaginary traffic every day on Lennox. It's a lot less stressful to exist when you're not constantly straining and digging to ensure the maximisation of your brain's powers by reading, ipod listening and cellphone checking though, I'd recommend this to everyone. Stop multi-tasking! You'll explode!

Anyhow then I went home and called Haviland for no reason, she was confused like "Why are you calling me?" and I was like "I have no computer." We talked, I focused 100% on our phone conversation, then 100% on putting together my outfit, then 100% on going to this lesbo party "Eden" with Haviland, A;ex and her friend Ryan. Alllllll night long, Focus Factor. Seriously, I was like, totally into all my activities.

Soooo ... speaking of paying attention, are you still paying attention? I would be. After all, I'm done multi-tasking. I totes forgot about that on Thanskgiving, I got very distracted by all the foods and conversations, though I don't like turkey. We had people over, there was eating, Snoopy didn't come, which's fine. Ready for the vlog? Me too. There is be another version of this vlog on AutoStraddle sometime soon, focusing on the many minutes of L Word related material rather than self-centered musings.


AUTO-WHAT said...

Ummm...hands down, Haviland does the best Marina impression EVER!!!Closed my eyes for a sec and thought it was season one all over again. Once again, great vlog ladies! Keep em coming. And no worries, the real Thanksgiving doesn't start until dinner anyways Riese. Sucks that Snoopy was a no-show though. Thanks for the endless auto-entertainment.

Rebecca said...

I agree with you about the multi-tasking. Life is much less stressful when you give yourself the space to enjoy what you're doing fully. However, I am crocheting an afghan (because I think I'm 80 years old and honestly I love crocheting) but I feel autistic if I do too much in silence. Can't do it. So I have to watch a movie I've already seen because, duh, can't pay close attention since I have to count stitches. So not only am I multi-tasking still, I am adding more rules to it.

I sorta wish I could read in a tanning bed. I like bright lights but I get bored in there. That's another multi-tasking I'd do.

a;ex said...

oh my god, did someone say Auto-Win Boy Shorts?!!?

totes coming soon to an internet store near you.
I can't wait.

Riese, you look good in black, but you know what else would look good on you . . .?

and Hav, you're just good.

Ryan said...

you two are my favorite muppets.

basia said...

lesbian turkish oil wrestling??? really, ilene, REALLY?

on a scale of one to auto-amazing, this vlog was a 27. if you ever do L word re-enactments again, it would be great to see haviland do helena. and i mean impression wise, not like, DO-wise, coz jesus would frown upon that. anyway, i've always felt that there is a significant resemblance there. has anyone ever mentioned this?

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Nobody loves Raymond ... except my parents, who are the only people I've ever actually witnessed watching that show.

Also, on behalf of heterosexual males worldwide, I'd like to extend kudos and potential donations to the Corporation for Keeping Haviland's Shirt Open Down to Her Belly Button. I'd like to pretend I'm above that, but she pretty.

Riese you're an autowinner in the game of life, and totes hot even without distracting amounts of Vlog cleavage.

I blame this entire comment on nine hours in a car (two trips) and three hours loading my life into a truck.

Haviland Stillwell said...

WOW, I love all these comments!!

auto-what: thank you! Marina's voice is excellent, and she was def my fave character before they wrote her off.

rebecca: how long do you tan? I feel like those 8 minutes are the only time I am 100% relaxed.

semi-colon: so are YOU!

ryan, oh ryan: you're a cutie pie. And Riese can tell you - i love pie!

basia: yes, ppl on autostraddle (esp the l word online girls) used to make this comparison, which was funny, bc she's definitely the one i think is the hottest on the's narcissism at it's finest. we will be doing a lot more of these, leading up to the premiere, and also during the L word season, so Helena is certainly on my list. Let us know if you have any scene requests.

bklyn boy: thank you! that's the only way to wear a button-down, in my opinion.

riese said...

Auto-What: First of all, nice name, perhaps it'll soon be printed on a pair of boyshorts near you. For me, the real Thanksgiving started when Haviland called me and then buzzed my buzzer. Then it started again when we sat down to make this lovely blog.

Rebecca: OK -- I've had this dilemna too, and there's a few things you can do about it. The best one is to listen to podcasts or audiobooks on your ipod, which you can do in a standup or a liedown. Also if you go to a nice place with huge coffins or beds or whatever they are called, you can do ab exercises. Ta-da!

a;ex: You?

Ryan: You're MY favorite muppet. JK, Gonzo, Animal, Kermit, omg, I cant' even decide on my favorite muppet.

basia: I know, right? but at least they aren't talking when they are oil wrestling, that's when that show starts going downhill. I'd prefer soft core porn over bad writing any day. Also, Haviland la-la-loves Helena, even though she couldn't remember her name.

BB: I confess I've seen my grandparents watch it i think, but I'm pretty sure my grandpa can't hear anything, so what can you do? And I agree -- it's my button down, but Haviland adds a special something that I'd never even considered before ... that's the magic of Rising stars, methinks. I mean, shooting stars I mean shot stars. Bright burning stars like roman candles, obvs.

stef said...

JENNY NO! just killed me and now i'm dead, and yet still commenting. i like to be the exception to every rule. my word veri is 'sqaun,' which is a native american word for corn.

Razia said...

"Cindi Lauper plays this"


El-em-ay-oh. Great stuff guys, great stuff.

carlytron said...

This was so good, you guys! I thought my Maria impression was good but Hav, yours is even better, I am so impressed!

My favorite muppet is hands down totes Gonzo, I identified with him a lot as a child.

I can't wait for the Vlogathon.

Ryan said...

My favorite muppets are professor honeydew and beaker, because I'm a huge geek; the swedish chef because he may be the most racist and has human hands and lastly the doozers from fraggle rock. they're just cute. So I'd say you and haviland are doozers, but know how to play.

Lozo said...

since it wasn't advertised in the post, i have to say it was quite the delightful surprise to find out haviland's nipple was going to guest star. great work, girls. great work.

cait said...


I noticed that you are wearing Jenny's cute outfit! I'm very impressed.

Also do you know where m street is?

basia said...

scene requests - that's hard. i think you guys would probs be able to rock any scene. if i had one request/suggestion, it would be to do that ridiculous multi-phone call thing from the opening of one of the S4 episodes. i can't remember the episode title but it started with an L. (get it? started with an L? you know? an L??? coz they all... ok) oh, just looked it up, it was Luck be a Lady. anyway, this scene has great potential for costumes/guest stars. the biggest challenge i see is trying to find a shirt as hideous as the one alice had on.

Ollie said...

Wearing a beret...Haviland, I'll take that as a shoutout to the Native Land. Singing Obnoxious Theme Song is however dispensable, since it cringently reminds me of the awful awful beginning of each L word installment, right after the Small Snippet of Heterosexual Cluelessness/homo longing at tupperware parties. This is the way that we discriminate!
Thank you ladies. Keep it coming.

riese said...

stef: The first rule of this club is that if you die laughing, you must still comment. Thank you for holding up your end of this conversation.

Razia: I was really close too, because the answer was "dulcimer."

carlytron: Me neither, it is going to fucking rock. We are going to be like those puppets but funnier.

Ryan: Dude I almost said them. Something about them really appealed to me, and the Swedish Chef was right up my alley ... like his sense of humour is totally mine.

Lozo: Bet you wish you hadn't cancelled us now! Holla!

cait: Thank you so much for notiing.

basia: Angela Robinson directed that episode and she is a genius. I think I could make Alice's shirt out of my rug and construction paper and perhaps a few squares of felt?

Ollie: My Mom used to have tupperware parties, I wish that the women there had looked at themselves with mirrors. Actually I guess I don't. We also sang the whole song, btu it annoyed me so much to listen to it, even though we made up the words, that I cut out that clip... 'cos I care, totes, merci!