Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I Feel You in my VLOG and I Don't Even Know You

This Vlog is in two installments. The first installment doesn't involve lions, tigers, SE/30s, or flying lesbians, BUT it does cover the comment contest, judged by a Mystery Judge I cannot reveal otherwise this message will self-destruct. Get it? He was in the custard? It doesn't cover our discussion of comment contest awards, or our special guest appearance this week by my roommate, Ryan Murray. The second installment will include many exclusives you cannot find in stores. Other things you cannot find in stores include Pepsi-One, crack rock, and your mom, unless she works at the store, or happens to be in the store at the same time, in which case you should've carpooled, global warming, hello.

When was the last time my opening paragraph was related to any of the following things: 1)the ensuing post, 2)my blog, 3)reality? Anyone? Anyone? Waiting for a video to compress is like waiting for a pot to boil but like, for the rest of your life. Hell is not other people, hell is compressing videos for other people.

This week we wore costumes, for Halloween. I am a forest and Haviland is 'Get Physical.' I don't know what I am. I don't know what she is. She is gold pants. I am tree sprite. Also, I don't know whom I am.

UPDATE: Also, I spelled "judgment" wrong in the title sequence. What does that prove? I'll tell you: do not stay in school kids. Drop out now.


Anonymous said...

UMM totally worth the wait!

Speaking of contests this Vlog was the BEST.
And it's the gold pants... among sooo many other things.

Bravo (brava?) ladies. Well done. I was thoroughly entertained.

Anonymous said...

Waaait, time out.
Was I declared the winner?!!
How rude of me to not even thank Jesus for this accomplishment.

k seriously, does the winner get a night out? Cause we're due.

Again, A+ on the vlog.
"I'll punch you in the face!" was almost as awesome as seeing Haviland dance around in gold pants.
Speaking of panting...

stef said...

totally bogus dude. alex vega wins even though i got more votes? i feel like al fucking gore. still, i concede - a;ex vega is pretty awesome.

i had this feeling that this vlog was going to involve seeing broadway superstar haviland stillwell turn my cab driver musical into a reality, and i need to get this out - haviland, we need more rehearsals before we can take this to the stage. i was also hoping you guys would sing it together, with cell phones out.

also "NO SUGAR!" scared the crap out of me.

Anonymous said...

it's obvs supposed to be a full on musical...we'll get to work on that, right away...


nice editing, riese!

stef said...

ooh brainstorm -

there has to be a scene where the dispatcher (who will be a take-off on danny devito's character on taxi) asks them who the fuck they could possibly be talking to all this time, and then they launch into the biggest number of the show - "idk, my bff rose?"

we need to hire an orchestra stat.

Anonymous said...

this is great. thanks for the shoutout!

i cant wait for the flying lesbians and the lions and tigers.

Anonymous said...

wait. i totes think stef should have won as well. although i didn't vote. sorry, stef. although now she ALREADY appears to be in the running for the next comment face-off.

haviland, you are indeed hot. i think you should try out for pants off dance off. not that i watch it. but i would if you were on.

and riese, i love the serious, earnest faces you make while haviland is reading the russians/coffee comment. totes earnest.

i say, more vlogs with more gold pants.

frank said...


1. i host this thing for three installments, and NOW haviland flashes the vag? come on.

2. i thought you said haviland does accents.

3. i can't believe you read every single comment outloud. in life.

4. i sound exactly like that.

5. declaring alex vega is going to inspire more drunken, typo-laden comments.

6. does this mean i have to go on a date with alex vega?

7. you guys looked so hot in that video. but you probably live at home.

frank said...

i can't believe i left out "the winner" from that comment. i'm fucking this custard.

riese said...

a;ex: You don't even need to thank Jesus, baby, Jesus is already thankin' you, for enjoying the fruit of the vine and the beauty of the written word. We are due for a night out. You can chose two other girls to accompany you, and you are all still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model, and you get a diamond bracelet, and a 50,000 contract with Black Opal cosmetics.
stef: Well, what can I say, you'll have to blame the anonymous judge ... No Sugar still scares the crap out of me every time I watch this vlog (I find it soothing) and I said it. Also, I don't know how to use my cell phone, I might break it if I pulled it out.
haviland: You're hot.
stef: That is a great idea. I'm glad I finally get that joke, too.
rocketdyke: OOO! Flying lesbians? Me too!
anonymous rieseophant: Maybe you'd like to be our next guest judge. I don't know what pants off dance off is, but it sounds like the perfect vehicle for Haviland.

Importance of being earnest, obvs.
1. Feel free to host this one, too. Actually, it might be awesome, because we address their issues. OO, please host it. Pleeeeeeasssseeee. usususususu.
2. She does.
3. Not in dreams.
4. You do.
5. I hope so.
6. I think "more dates with lesbians" is exactly what you need. So, YES.
7. At least I don't live in New Jersey.
8. I knew what you meant. Usually I do, except for like, situations involving custards and black people.
9. Just so you know
10. I want this to be a top 10 comment, so here we are, on number 10. that's all.

Marcia said...

I had to watch that twice cuz I was so mesmerized by the shininess and shapeliness of Haviland's legs. Yowza!

(Who says "yowza" besides like little old men and Barney Rubble? Me, apparently, under the influences of the golden legs o' Haviland.)

Also, Riese, your dress is hoooot.

dorothy said...

I may have lol'ed at the link of the day. Okay not may have- defo did- at my desk- at work- always a good time.

Bourbon said...

Ha, that a;ex vega re-enactment was gold.

Also, I live at home. Just throwin' it out there.

MoonKiller said...

Oh Em Gee. I've been saying 'Ial punch you in the face' all week. But I've only done it twice.

And I'm Welsh not english, but if I was english I'd deffo talk like that. And yes Haviland said my name right. Which is suprising because some people who've known me for years say it wrong and then I get all angry and steam comes out of my ears.

And nothing could ever beat my drunk comment. Not ever a;ex vega. Obvs. Totes. Blatezzzz. Just joshing.

Anonymous said...

Oooh loved the VLOG!

Although must say Haviland's english accent was quite Dick Van Dyke. Not to worry - who doesn't love Diagnosis Murder?? Only the employed and that's cuz they don't watch it.

Other highlights - the taxi diver thing. Loved it.

Also, SUGAR!!! scared me too.

Jo said...

am I the only one who thinks the title of this blog sounds dirty? yes? ok then.

I vote for more appearances by your roommate, Ryan. He seems kinda awesome.

riese said...

I'd like to clarify straight away ; Haviland does do accents, but she didn't know how to do a Welsh accent but I bullied her into it anyhow. She didn't intend to sound British, it just came off that way as she attempted to make her British accent sound more Welsh. I feel responsible for this misunderstanding and had to get it out of the way.


LMC: I'll start saying Yowza, if you want. I am a little old man at heart.

dorothy: FourFour is BOSS.

Razia: You know what else was gold? Haviland's PANTS. I'm 5'10. Just throwin' it out there.

Moonkiller: Yes, she was trying for Welsh (see disclaimer, above). You're right, your drunk comment does win best comment ever, obvs.

Anonymous: Was Diagnosis Murder the one with Agatha Christie? I feel like this was possibly reference in Arrested Development.

Jo: Ryan is a major player in the sequel. Just you wait.

DH said...

Haviland - thank you for saying "JK", hearing it verbalised was just as amusing as I had imagined, it was heart warming, totally.

Riese - where were you for that? It is strange, the thing you have for people who live with their parents. I was going to throw a line out there but Razia totally beat me to it.

Anonymous said...

Does this mean I have to go on a date with Lozo?
Who IS Lozo? Does he have a vagina? If so, sign me up.

Stef: you're brill. and you deserve everything you could ever want.

frank said...

i have a vagina. where should we meet?

Anonymous said...

The comment about people living at home having a shot with you, was that aimed to someone specific?

Or was that for everyone as general information, how about a shot at love with Haviland?

I need to move back home I think.

basia said...

i heart the millisecond long sarcastic face after haviland's "awww" response to "i don't think anyone could ever say that, haviland, cause that would be a lie".
also, we spell it "judgement" up here in canada. but we also write "colour" and "honour", etc. you americans are such abbreviationists... whatevour.
also, why is rocketdyke excited for the flying lesbians? is she not a flying lesbian? that was the impression i was under. hello - rocket! so it's like, why would SHE be excited, it must be old news to a flying lesbian to see other flying lesbians...
also, you probs should not have promised flying lesbians. i just can't let this go.