Also just speaking of holiday gifts, etc., if you ever wanna know what day it is, you should get a Hot Blogger Calendar . Honestly, I'm just throwing it out there. If you don't catch it, no whining. Also. No pudding. Speaking of whining, I've been doing just that on the couch for about ten hours due to massive headache, which I suspect was inspired by: a) Riddex, b) a wrath/hex of some sort, c) aforementioned full-capacity headspace, d) the internet, which is changing how our brains and eyes work. Anyhow Natalie rubbed my head and made me dinner, so I'm a happy[er] camper now. Just in time for my 3 AM bed-time!
Weirdos 10 --> 20 ... Top Ten ALMOST Top Ten Weirdos of 2008
Tegan: Bras are super expensive! Who threw this? Is this actually one of your bras? You're wearing a bra? You brought this one with you? I love the line of thinking -- I am going to the Tegan & Sara concert and I am going to bring an old bra with me.
Sara: You know there's a recession, right? You might need that. You might need to turn that bra into a bed.
That's the only house you'll have, you'll have 2 sticks and bra and you'll be fastening that shit together to make a house.
(video)
Anyhow, T&S master the random pre-song asides and, in the mean-time in-between time, enjoy making sing-a-long videos with a puppet named Rufus and hosting "Lost Forest Fones," a video series (available on their incredible You Tube Channel) where they pretend to be lost in the woods, making phone calls. Yup.
19. Tinkerbell
"I Want a Vodka-Tonic."
(Tinkerbell)
++
18. Crystal
"I think her heart's into me, but her brain is telling her to move right along. I think that right there is my 'type.'"
(Crystal)
17. Carlytron
"I came out to my grandma on her death bed. Literally I came out to her and she died eight minutes later."
(Carlytron)
Carly is Tina Fey weird, Cool Weird, Wes Anderson (pre-backlash) Weird. You know those American Express ads where Wes Anderson's expenses are itemized? Carly will be in an ad like that one day. Items will include large plastic sunglasses and tiny toy robots. Also she'll do a "weirdo-chic" magazine layout in Teen Vogue. I don't know where to begin or what to mention w/r/t Carly.
I think I overlooked Carly on the initial list because, much like memememe, Carly doesn't try to hide her weirdo-ness, aside from using the word "AWESOME" for "weird," which made it almost too obvious. You'd notice within 10 minutes, if you met her, that she's a weirdo.
As I may've mentioned last year, Carly & I have a lot in common (but it's also one of those things where although we're the same exact person in 500 bizarre ways, our base personalities are actually radically different, though this was less obvious when we first met, 'cause at that time our Base Personalities were both similarly overpowered by "Totes Numb Brick Wall/Team Hot Mess," which is sort of the Personality Trump Card).
What's really weird about Carly is that although she: wears impeccably organized outfits with matching socks, has a very detail-oriented nature, is fond of/often counting things and keeps her room also perfectly decorated and clean, but still also totally cool ... her handwriting is even worse than mine. People say I have serial killer handwriting but compared to Carly I think the worst crime my handwriting could commit would be possession of marijuana.
++
16. The Pinkberry People
"Hi! WELCOME TO PINKBERRY!"
(everyone at Pinkberry)
16. The Pinkberry People
(everyone at Pinkberry)
The employees at frozen yogurt fantasy emporium Pinkberry are alarmingly cheery. I mean, I know they train the kids at McDonald's to be smiling constantly and somehow that trickles down from the higher-ups to the workers on the floor as a kind of customer service that verges on abusive/"hostile."
So you'd think there'd be at least a slight detraction from the Pinkberry Happiness Ethos -- maybe someone has a bad day, maybe someone's not that kind of cheesy person, maybe someone questions the logic behind requiring names on everyone's yogurt on a slow afternoon -- but no. There isn't. Everyone is in tip-top shape, everyone, all of them, every day, constantly, like Stepford Cashiers.
I always say my name is 'Alex' or 'Kate.' There's no hard syllables in any of my actual names, and then they'll yell Mary or a Grace or Alice and there'll be some big misunderstanding so I just use an easier name.
For some reason it really gets my goat when it's empty and they still ask. I do this thing where I look around the whole room first, just to see if we can share a moment of confusion together, and, having failed, relent and give them someone else's name, so that I'll know it's mine.
++
15. Lozo
"The correct answer is spooning, with me as the little spoon."
(Lozo)
15. Lozo
"The correct answer is spooning, with me as the little spoon."
(Lozo)
In March or something like that, we're at a hotel party on Central Park South. Lesbians in mini-skirts abounded as well as Caitlin and I not in mini-skirts. Natalie was there. Alcohol and more. I told Lozo to stop by and he did many hours later, drunkity drunk drunk. 'Cause Lozo says he's gonna come but never does, I didn't think he would, but he did, he walked into the room silently and upon surveying the scene, triumphantly thrust both arms in the air like a rock star arriving on stage for his groupies. Lozo has arrived. Later he passed out on the bed I was supposed to sleep on, so I had to beat him up to make him wake up. He said I broke his shoulder and I said it looked nice to me. In the morning he was gone like Santa Claus.
The next day he emailed me to ask why lesbians date women who look like men. Who knows where these thoughts come from. They Just Appear.
++
14. KC & Elka
Elka: You're dead to me. Okay, you're back alive to me.
KC: Gross. You resuscitated me emotionally.
Elka: You're a zombie to me now.
KC: I wanna be a vampire.
14. KC & Elka
KC: Gross. You resuscitated me emotionally.
Elka: You're a zombie to me now.
KC: I wanna be a vampire.
KC & Elka host The Planet Podcast, a podcast for people who barely tolerate The L Word but watch it because there are no other lesbians on TV. I work in the same genre, so. They even hosted a weirdo convention in Albuquerque this summer, where weirdos from all around the world came to march with a Unicorn float and flash their boobs. That's serious dedication, also evidence of superior humors w/r/t Kelka themselves. Because I'm so cool, it's pretty hard to make a joke that'll really knock my socks off, but these girls make like ten jokes an hour that knock my socks and shoes off. If you don't listen to the podcast I really don't know what to tell you.
++
13. David Foster Wallace.
"You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do."
(David Foster Wallace)
I was talking the other day. About how I think too much. And how DFW thought too much too. Obvs he's 5 billion times smarter and better than I'll ever be, but I related to the trains of his thoughts. I find this, most of the time, somewhat frightening. It made me genuinely devastated to hear he'd killed himself this year, and I'm not one to generally be affected by deaths of people I didn't know personally face-to-face. But it's different with a writer, it means they'll write no more books or articles. I don't know, it just wasn't something I thought I could write about without sounding trite, but I care, and it's really fucking depressing, the death of this weirdo.
But he was footnote kickass weirdo.
++
12. Eric Mathew
"seriously had 6 martimis plus 2 cosomos ...
i am totes a socialite; ... why am I commenting? anyway ms. thang you hang tight.
as we say over at wicked... tell them how i am defyongz ravity... omg idina is nuts...
of ocurse gay and drunk would talk about idina."
(eric mathew)
13. David Foster Wallace.
"You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do."
(David Foster Wallace)
But he was footnote kickass weirdo.
++
12. Eric Mathew
"seriously had 6 martimis plus 2 cosomos ...
i am totes a socialite; ... why am I commenting? anyway ms. thang you hang tight.
as we say over at wicked... tell them how i am defyongz ravity... omg idina is nuts...
of ocurse gay and drunk would talk about idina."
(eric mathew)
Eric Mathew takes the non-sequitor comment to a whole new level, beyond anything Haviland '07 ever came close to pulling off. E.g., the above comment, on 'Stuff I've Been Reading: June/July" Also, watch his vlogs, he's a total weirdo.
++ 11. A Moment For All Of the People Who Could Not Be With Us Today
I'd like to give a brief shout-out to everyone I'd like to include on this list but, for one reason or another, cannot: LK (don't wanna start a riot), Devon the drug dealer (drug dealer? how would I even know a drug dealer?), B. (forbidden), my Mother (wouldn't be amused), my ex-roommate Ryan (obvs), Caitlin's sister (policy of observing but not particpating in the interwebs), Julia Allison (doesn't need more attention), Britney Spears (cannot write less than 500 words on this issue), several subjects from Intervention (seemed cruel), Nick Denton (it's important that I kiss his ass, if I ever get the chance to), katlitter (she wouldn't read it anyhow), Tao Lin (if he googled himself and found it, might make fun of me), the other girls on Julia Allison's website (shouldn't feed the animals), the girl who did that Uh Huh Her video in Wales (I might sound condescending), etc.
Anyhow it's tricky to write about other people. One ought to ask permission but one does not. It's like a barely cold body of water, you sort of have to just throw people into it and trust they'll discover it's not so bad, but if you ask them ahead of time, they'll probs play it safe and say no, I mean what does it matter one way or another to them. That being said, it took me several hours to find a quote from Crystal that didn't either include or reference private information of mine or hers.
Chances are, if you're still reading this, you're a weirdo. It's okay. I used to date Jesus, s/he told me the weirdos shall inherit the earth. Or maybe I just made that up.
In any event I have it on lockdown.
Anyhow it's tricky to write about other people. One ought to ask permission but one does not. It's like a barely cold body of water, you sort of have to just throw people into it and trust they'll discover it's not so bad, but if you ask them ahead of time, they'll probs play it safe and say no, I mean what does it matter one way or another to them. That being said, it took me several hours to find a quote from Crystal that didn't either include or reference private information of mine or hers.
Chances are, if you're still reading this, you're a weirdo. It's okay. I used to date Jesus, s/he told me the weirdos shall inherit the earth. Or maybe I just made that up.
In any event I have it on lockdown.
34 comments:
I feel like the words Pinkberry and Jamba Juice are interchangeable in your description. Obvs you'd have to change "frozen yogurt fantasy emporium" to something like "super smoothie wonderland of happiness" for it to actually make sense. Also, employees there *have* to ask for your name because it makes it seem more personal and makes for good customer relations or whatever and if they don't, their boss will yell at them and that's never fun. They also *have* to be super happy all the time because that's the Jamba/Pinkberry spirit! If you're happy then it's easier to ignore the customers who are total assholes and want their order just so and get really pissy if you mess it up and make you do it all over again even though that's really bad for the store because you're wasting food and that affects sales and your boss will get yelled at by the district manager and then you'll get yelled at by your boss and then all hell breaks loose.
[I used to work at Jamba before my boss went bat shit crazy and fired me without actually firing me OR EVEN BOTHERING TO TELL ME. I actually loved working there though because (1) it's super easy, (2) you never end up having to pay for a smoothie ever again as long as you work there or know someone who works there and (3) if you're store is connected to a Starbucks and you're on good terms with the people there, you never end up paying for that either.]
ahhh Pinkberry, I miss you so.
Does anyone have a link to that Uh Huh Her video in Wales? I've googled it and no luck!
I had to see you use Pinkberry in a sentence several times before I knew it was some kind of food product. They don’t have that here in the boonies. I initially thought it was a really girly Blackberry.
This realization occurred several blogs ago, not on this particular blog. I’m just sayin’.
WHAT is in the pinkberry picture? it looks like corn and guacamole. it actually might be though, because in philadelphia we have our own version of pinkberry called phillyo and they have baked beans as a topping. also the men who work there are all tiny asian grandpas and one asked me if i would pierce his nose once. but i'm not a piercer or whatever.
imagine if pinkberry was just a girly blackberry? man, that would be amazing. remember in dc when saw that guy walking with a cup and convinced the cab driver to go on a fro-yo hunt with us? i am super grateful to a lot of these weirdos, tegan and sara the most probs, cause for some reason their fans love to upload videos of them so there are hundreds of hours of footage available. thank god, cause i can't sleep and i love the banter.
I completely agree that katlitter is a weirdo, obvs in a good way. You should start a movement to get her back on the interwebs.
Oh, and what about a;ex? anyone with a semicolon in their name should def be considered weird.
OK so....yay for Tegan and Sara!!! i totally like them. and um i don't know what Pinkberry is. but yay for it too!!! and i also feel a;ex should be on this list. if i had feelings that is. like i would give you a dollar. that's how strongly i feel about it. and a dollar is like 10 dollars now a days.
i wish i was eating pinkberry in my photo on here, but the one of me jumping like a loon is good too.
i am honored to receive this place on the list today. i would like to thank my parents, sesame street, Gonzo (the muppet, my inspiration as a child), and The Gays.
Yeah Pinkberry people are bizarre. Walk in...
Them: HIIII WELCOME TO PINKBERRY!
Me: Um.. hello.
Them: Oh! You've never had the PINKBERRY experience before have you?! Do you know what THAT is?
Me: Um... frozen yogurt... yeah that would be great.
They then went into some sort of discussion about why I should have these goopy little things on my yogurt. They said they were like "if a gummi bear and a marshmallow had a baby". No thank you.
I was in that place for what felt like a month. I'd still do it all over again. Except pick a different name, as "Alicia" is clearly much too difficult.
No Semi on the list? Now thats weird.
um i was at that t&s concert. the one with the bra ... and it was so hilariously adorable.
dc used to have a serious lack of froyo until recently where now like 100 diff designer imposter pberry places have opened up. fyiz, mr. yogato is the closest to the real thing if you're ever in barack's hood again.
omg A. - I believe this pinkberry person offered you "mochi" as a topping. They're asian rice cake things.
They're supposed to be a secret that only secret agents like me know about.
Its the only topping I get on my original flavor Pinkberry and clearly I recommend it.
umm thanks for the nod for one of the top weirdos, weirdos. I'm honored for reals.
Though I haven't bought a lemon tree for Riese, or claimed to be preggers with animals, or ranted about defyongz ravity in a comment when I'm drunk or anything. I'm just saying - lots of people have me beat.
This is such a great honor. First of all I would like to thank the Rosie Cruise for leading me to your v-logs. On a late November evening in 2007 I saw Havi and Riese for the first time... Mama who bore me. I would also like to thank semi, carly and cait for truly being there.
I would like to thank Amy & Emily for making powerful music and teaching me the importance of Galielo and having a hammer and a nail.
I would like to thank The Advocate for being there to teach me more about Prop 8 and other issues as well as Augusten and David.
and Finally, I would like to thank Ronnie. WIthout you I am nothing.
G-d Bless.
In other news I am reading the Robin McGraw book and writing questions for her interview. This is SO devil wears prada! whats next.
AND the pinkberry peeps scare me. i just stick with normal stuff. BUT starbucks barista's are even worse because they like phonetically spell your name.
SO IF YOU CARE TO FIND ME LOOK TO THE WESTERN SKY!
i want to have all 20 these weirdos' babies, esp tink's. that is all.
i love all of these weirdos, except the ones i don't know, like the pinkberry people because dairy makes me puke. i bet i'd love them anyway. it was a good year for weirdos, the chinese year of the weirdos, and happy hanukkah to us all.
all these talk make me crave jamba juice with an apple cinnamon pretzel :)
yummmy
I would like to add, though, that there is one chain restaurant type place that has weirder employees than Pberry, and that it MOE'S. There is on on the east side of manhattan but they are based out of the south. Like Chipotle but better. I went there all the time when I lived in Orlando.
Anyway, when you walk in there, they are all required to SCREAM "WELCOME TO MOEEEEE'S" at you. It is like nothing I have ever experienced, and it is amazing. I have never experienced anything quite that insane at Pberry.
Also, Riese, whenever I re-do my website can I use your blurb about me as my "about me"? I think it sums me up nicely. Haha.
A;ex is not a weirdo. In fact, she's one of the most normal people I've ever met. The weirdest thing about her is that she microwaves water cause she has sensitive teeth. Other than that she's totes normal.
Aw, thanks.
I'm sorry it took hours to find a quote that didn't overshare my/your personal thoughts - but on the other hand, I kind of love that we're so emo.
I used to work at Moe's.
I just scored 1 weirdo point bitches.
A;ex.... Yes! Mochi! You like that stuff? It looks like snowman poop. I can't imagine that meshing at all... but if you say so. I feel like a secret agent now. Feel like figuring out how to mail a years supply of Pinkberry to Canada?
Moes sounds a little terrifying.
ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok!!! so i am so excited cause carly mentioned Moes!!! a) it is a bit creepy that they scream when you walk in and b) its even creepier that i, someone who has never worked there, screams at random times to random reople...HIII WELCOME TO MOE'S!!!! i think if i didnt have a job, i would totally want to work there. just because i got the screaming part down.
and im going to have to say....my number two feeling right now is a;ex, and how she should probably probably probably be recognized for her utter weirdo-ness. like i really feel it should be done.
T&S are my kind of weirdos. I have been known to spend hours watching banter clips on youtube... from shows I wasn't even at. And forcing my friends to watch with me.
My last ordering experience at Cozy Noodles:
woman- 'Name for order?'
me- 'Elizabeth.'
woman- *blinkblink* [blank stare]
me- 'Uh... Elizabeth? E-liz-A-BETH. Like, the normal spelling...Elizabeth...'
woman-... 'Eeleezabet?'
me- 'Yes, Elizabeth...'
I pick up my order a few minutes later. The tag says 'Alisa bet'
Should have gone with Bob, I guess.
word veri- trammis...
like, gramma trannies?
kelka is the fucking bomb!
I love the whole Tegan and Sara banter. When they were in Wales they were asking us for welsh phrases like 'by there' and 'who's coats that jacket' and it was brilliant.
I watched roughly 30 seconds of that Uh Huh Her in Wales video and found her very annoying and had to turn it off and didn't get to hear/see the reference to Wales, cause I love Wales dearly.
Not an intended point of comment, but welsh people are weird. We are a nations of goons and saps. Someone said that everything's funnier in a welsh accent but I can't remember whooo.
Also, I too think Semicolon deserves a place on this, just for saying 'I just scored 1 weirdo point bitches' because the point system is a thing of the future.
Umm, it's late I'm talking nonsense, haven't slept for like 100 years.
Vashti: I've never been to Jamba Juice, but I bet the one in NYC is filled with disgruntled assfucks, 'cause that's how everyone is everywhere here. Like at Starbucks they mostly act like you're ruining their day by even ordering a drink, like everything is this huge inconvenience, no one's ever happy to help. So it's strange to me that pinkberry has managed to really drive the point home. at tasti-d the people are downright rude.
The fact that your supervisor fired you secretly is an example of the kind of bizarre dichotomy of these management techniques. All about the surface, I guess?
Battlestar Luna: Me too, i haven't had any in two days. Next time I'm gonna say my name is "battlestar luna."
biogal: Link added, above.
Bren: I think I'm going to start calling my ipod nano my pinkberry 'cause it is pink, and now i have matching pink headphones. It's like that song in Funny Face.
laura: it is corn, refried beans, avocado, chili peppers and hot tamales! I mean, pineapple and blackberry and raspberry. Everyone in Philly is clearly insane, and I eat french fries in my frosty so if I'm saying it's a weird combo then it is totally weird. You should have just pierced his nose anyway, like when Haviland cut my hair. Could be ah idden talent.
Anonymous: I totally remembered that and I am still wondeirng where that motherfucker got his cup from. I feel like we were in a movie and he was a decoy, which considering our lives would not be that weird.
tex: She's off the interwebs? Did she go to jail again? Katlitter is a mystery of epic proportions to me.
I put the semicolon in her name ... with Hav and Caitlin's support. So we're the weirdos clearly.
autumn m: YES! now you love tegan & sara, the overall quality of your life will improve by 500 points I may have promised this before.
a;ex is actually not that weird, i swear. the only weird thing about her is that she microwaves glasses of water, and even that has a logical reason behind it. that reason is that she does not like cold foods.
carlytron: As one of The Gays, I would like to thank you for your incredible jumping, leaping and heal-kicking skills. Gonzo would be proud.
A.: That's totally mochi, that stuff. Whenever people ask me if I'm new to something I always say no so that I will appear confident. Then I pick bad flavors maybe.
See when Alex does weird things, it's usually 'cause she either: 1. doesn't know any better or 2. has a logical reason, it's never just off the wall weird or some strange affection for something no one else likes. Besdies aforementioned microwaving of cold drinks, the only weird thing she does is give nouns and verbs as "number one feelings" instead of gerunds. E.g., RuPaul and Dancing.
NEP: You were?! Ooo. Caitlin found that quote for me. DC had no froyo when we were there, we searched high and low in an expensive taxi cab to find it.
a;ex, who is not weird: Actually the thing about the mochi and the original pinkberry is one of the weird things about you on the short list of weird thigns which is not very long. I think the weirdest thing you ever said was that thing about how when you're angry you're like "fuck you" and when you're really angry you're like "FUCK you" but with different facial expressions. And what was weird about that was that it wasn't really weird at all.
eric mathew: Your speech encompasses everything wonderful about you and all the reasons for your winning. My favorite part is your shout-out to the Indigo Girls, my second favorite part is Ronnie, my third favorite part is the all caps at the end.
really, tink. really: i think littlefoot has dibs on tink's babies, but I hear Lozo is ready to sperminate.
stef: also and happy kwaanza to everyone the world over.
guruburu: I think what you're telling me is you are craving he mall food court.
carlytron: I don't even know what Moe's is. I just googled it, went to the website, and the website yelled at me about Moe's, which was very scary. Obvs you can use it as the about me, I'm glad you like it, ROCK!
The thing that gets me about pinkberry is the consistency. I feel like no other franchise has a grip strong enough to make all of their employees act so earnestly enthusiastic ... for example, when I worked at restaruants where I was supposed to be friendly, I was clearly not.
jersey: I agree, obvs. Maybe we're just super weird in comparison, but I feel like Alex is not a weirdo, Natalie agrees.
DH I feel rovermom gets too much attention as it is, though I'd have enjoyed repeating one of my favorite jokes of 08 which's when y'all thought Rovermom was kinda hot and then realized her photos were of leisha hailey. as long as we're only emo in private on email, we're safe and can maintain tough myterious trashwhore exteriors.
a;ex: I have a lot of questions for you right now.
A.: A;ex loves mochi. It freaks me out and has nothing to do with ice cream, so I loathe it.
autumn m: That is weird, it is not a surprise that the two of you are both on the weirdo list. I feel like as a weirdo i would not be able to work at moe's 'cause i would overthink it. so i don't know if that makes someone a weirdo. though the coincidence is definitely weird ...
Elizabeth: caitlin does that too, i didn't even know about the banter videos.
and yeah, alisa bet does not surprise me. if it's too noisy and they are too deaf to understand, i just don't get why it's so imperative they use names. I thought "reese" would be good, but after several "graces" i found the only way to make that work was "like reese witherspoon" which is a lot of words.
cookies: i hear you are a fan.
moonkiller: you're also a weirdo, maybe you can be on the list one day. the uh huh her video is terrible and annoying, but everyone was mouthing off about how she should've won and not us because she is a real fan and we aren't. I went to Wales, I may have mentioned this before, but I went there once and the burgers tasted really weird, but i think also that everything is funny in a welsh accent.
good point about the point system. still though i'm waiting for semi to say something in a welsh accent.
i love the fact that you are trying to convince everyone that alex is normal. clearly, we were all misled. i think she could be borderline weirdo. then again, i dont know her. but thats just my thought.
i'd like to recommend that in place of bookclub this time 'round, we just all take a class together.
http://oyc.yale.edu/english/american-novel-since-1945
we can then have discussions about:
- how this knowledge could improve the l word (seeing as you're already a professor of that)
- what rovermom would think about all these stories, and if they follow the rules of 'literature'
- and if you are actually (maybe) hot or not, despite your uncertain status as a sex blogger
knowledge is power.
i actually just kind of wish i took this when i was there. i mean they read franny and zooey. i actually almost took this one class that was just about gravity's rainbow but then i saw it was like 800 pages. and i said "thanks but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere"
ps - oh, and they fuckin' sing to you at coldstone.
what is the world coming to?
word veri - wacks
my thoughts, exactly.
i just made a purchase of a tegan and sara musical compact disc. my first ever. i am to utterly excited that to the normal person it would seem i was emotionless. its like my excited emotion has mildy shorted out. yay.....
word veri: bitape
as in biting an ape??? sick
aw, man. lozo was kinda my last option. how abt natalie? i feel like her babies would be crazy, but in the most lovable way possible
Thanks for adding the link, Riese - much appreciated.
I'm only commenting here now because...well...finals took over my life for the weekend. So I didn't have time to earlier but when i saw KC and Elka on your list I wanted to say that's so true, it's good they made the Almost Weirdos.
maybe she isn't a ligit weirdo or whatev. but somehow I feel bad for that semicolon that she didn't get recognition
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