Monday, December 01, 2008

I Know, I Know, I Know, You're Still my VLOG: Hav & Riese Vlog #33 with bonus "Alexi's Closet" outtakes.

As I said last year, December is for Top-Ten Writers as winter is for Polar Bears and other mammals of the Ice Ages or whatever. So even though there wasn't a Top Ten yesterday, there'll be many Top Tens this month, never fear. It's Best Of time! I'm still pondering Top Ten Weirdest Weirdos of 2008, which's my most important list. I'm thinking about having a catergory on there for the weirdest commenter of 2008. In the meantime - NEW vlog featuring exclusive Alexi's Closet outtakes from our guest spot that you won't see on AfterEllen and more footage from our recent Vlog shoot.

Wanna hear a funny story? Okay so on Thanksgiving we made a vlog so that we'd have lots of footage heading into the winter season, but somehow we managed to record the whole thing without sound. They don't teach you this stuff in college. I put up a curtain though. Then I sneezed and broke my back. I'm hungry. Let's watch a video!

The next vlog will include our additional advice column Q&As. I think from now on, if you write us for advice, it should probs be a problem you imagine you may have in the future. Like if you're itchy right now, you might have sexually transmitted cholera in two months, you never know, so it's best to think ahead. I don't like thinking ahead, obviously. Sometimes. Whatevs.

Apparently also as of two weeks ago YouTube has now changed all its players to widescreen, which means everyone who's ever made a 4:3 video before (all of mine, for example, except the logo awards and the cruise) are gonna have videos that look like crap with black bars on the sides for now and forever more. I changed the size of the embedded video here, but it'll look different on the youtube page. If anyone knows if there's a way to override that on Youtube, let me know.


a;ex said...


a;ex said...

No really though, I loved this.
I think my LOL count was above average.

and thanks for the subtitles cause you know I need em.

Please please please do weirdo comment of 2008. The possibilities are endless.

Haviland Stillwell said...

i'm realizing how much i basically repeat the same sentiments, over and over.

Blame Canada! That's all I have to say today!

DJL said...

the thing that made me lol that probably wasn't supposed to make me lol was all the unnecessary subtitles for riese. who knew you were conversing in mandarin chinese all these years.

asher said...

weirdest commenter of 2008, eh?

is that a challenge?

thanksgiving story: the fam all went outside to say goodbye to my half brother, half sister in law (his wife), and half? niece (their daughter). they drive off, get honked at and exchange words with the other drive - oh happy day! then as we're walking inside, my sister (kristen) is petting our outdoor cat, nikki. she lifts nikki above her head, all Simba-style and then decides she's just going to place Nikki on the roof (in her defense, it was right there). however, once she does this my parents remind her that Nikki has struggled with balance problems in her later years. right after they say this, Nikki unsteadily hobbles her way further up the roof.

and so we're off - at first dad lifts the recycle bin above his head and tries to coo Nikki to jump into the bin - that clearly didn't work. While Mo (Kristen's boyfriend) continues along this approach, Nikki climbs higher, to the apex of the roof and over towards the backyard. Dad goes to the backyard to call the cat. Kristen takes off to the upstairs of the house and tries to lure Nikki towards an open window. At some point I go upstairs to try to pry the screen out of another window. Kristen leaves to join the action outside. By the time I get to the open window in my room, Dad has scaled a ladder and now is on the flat part of the roof near the garage. He is all i can see from my view. He calls Nikki and she comes to him. He then picks her up and hangs her over the roof (a la Jacko), I see her squirm and then he drops her. I hear a smack. Apparently (out of my field of vision) Mo had gone around to the side of the house and when my dad had dropped Nikki, Mo had caught her in the recycle bin. I go to check on the safety of the cat, Kristen leaves to take dad a new ladder, Mo, Mom, and I return indoors. About 5 minutes later Mo asks 'is your dad still on the roof?' we then contemplate stealing the ladder, but he is already down.

and that was my thanksgiving.

Vashti said...

I feel like it's been a long time since I last commented. I think it's cuz I really don't read stuff on my computer anymore and because I get bored in class and read stuff on my phone. Um. So yeah. ANYWAY! The vlog. It gave me the lulz. I'm in the library though so I ended up doing that laugh where you try to be quiet by keeping your mouth shut but really it's not that quiet and people turn around to look at you all annoyed because they're studying or whatever.

ChirpyChi said...

ZOMG riese don't you hate having size 999 feet? and the fact that none of your roommates' shoes ever fit? argh.

i'm all for the fashion blog metamorphosis, btw. the world is going to pot, we should all get dressed up for it. preferably with hoodies and fingerless gloves.

autumn m said...

ok...i hate everything about wide screen. it pisses me off. and we totally wear the same size shoes. i loved the fact that you casually coughed Sarah Palin's name. i have to admit, that i once asked the, "who's the girl and who's the boy" question. i feel like an ass. i also love the fact that Alex leans into the shot, just to fix her hair. i might have mentioned this before, but i love sweatpants. so you're good. and i really feel that there should be some auto straddle sweatpants.
i also want to tell you what happened on my turkey day. everyone was telling what they were thankful for, saying all these cute nice things, like, "i'm thankful for the fact that i have an amazing family", blah blah blah. well finally they were like, Autumn, what are you thankful for. Well i have the inability to be serious and out of no where i say, "I'm thakful that i dont have a venereal disease." it was to funny. well, at least to me. i guess venereal diseases arent thanksgiving day topics. who knew.

oh and when you get a chance, check out the moon. you can totally see two planets next to it. they look like really bright stars. i think it is like jupitar and venus. its really cool.

e. said...

That was a funny vlog. You really are tall, Riese.

W/r/t who's the boy and who's the girl: I also hate this. It's like...we're both girls. That's kind of the point?

Also, it's a bad time to be blaming Canada...we're being kind of awesome/excitant today. As in, the overthrowing-our-conservative-government sort of awesome.

And also, I support both the idea for a weirdo comment of 2008 thing, as well as the concept of autowin sweatpants.

laura said...

your leg healed FAST. [i think, i couldn't see it that well cause i'm sick and half-blind right now.]
the thing that passed in arkansas is absolutely fucked up. you know what else is fucked up in arkansas? the duggers from 17 kids and counting. jim bob? seriously?

JD said...

I don't want this comment to give you a false impression of my priorities (like that I wasn't very excitant about Obama's victory or very pissed at Prop8's passing), but...Tinkerbell is almost missing an eye?! Whaaaaaaaat happened?

Erin said...

loser cough! it's back!

eric mathew said...

i really enjoyed this. i mean obvs like usual. although i hate that estelle song because i re-named it "the bratty girl song" because she says something about being in nyc and la at the same time and like duh estelle you have to fly all day, and also because ryan fucking seacrest plays it every morning and its like duh all we want is britney bitch.

anyway. i never noticed how nice havilands hair is. she could be in the con air straightening commercials. facebook is the best. i only put interested in men like a few months ago. i just feel like when you don't have it people are like he's gay, ya know? idk. people are such tools.

i really want obama cabinet action figures. they would sell like hot cakes and the liberal media elite would so have tons of commercials.

eric mathew said...

oh and i think i have a chance of having the weirdest comment of '08.

i once wrote one very drunkily and it had like idina and wicked in it.

i'm just saying.

Al said...

Ah, I looove National List-Writing month. How'd your nanowrimo come along?

Elizabeth said...

Tank Girl fashion!! Yum. That is all.

Danielle said...

Riese- do you respond to all compliments by threatening to injure the person all macho-style?

riese said...

a;ex: you win a finger in your ear!

a;ex: hey, it's you again! what's going on? those subtitles are for you, so that knocks of excuse 14 on the list of 100 excuses why you don't know what's going on.

i have a preliminiary list of weirdo commenters -- i feel judging just one comment would be difficult, I'm looking for repeat offenders .... though maybe weird comment specifically would be better, you're right, i should do that) ... Also obvs "weirdo" is basically the Auto-Universe's version of "king cheif leader of the mountain presedential estate" and so forth.

haviland stillwell: let's move to vancouver! we can make a treehouse. i need a passport and tinkerbell needs a rain-jacket.

djl: i didn't even know about the mandarin chinese, so my best guess would be that nobody knew. i mean if even I didn't know. you know? that's so serious, lozo.

asher: it wasn't a challenge, but i'm glad you thought it was, because it was sort of just now like i got mini asher blog in my comment feed. like "if asher had a blog, it would sometimes be like this," which i enjoy.

The most amazing thing is the term "outdoor cat." You have like, an indoor cat and an outdoor cat? Explain.

vashti: kids these days, reading blogs on their phones. when i was your age the only thing i could see at my cell phone was the word NOKIA and 2-3 tiny bars. if i was studying, i would like everyone to laugh.

chirpychi: firstly, great name. secondly, totally. i once had a roommate with size 10 feet, it was awesome, i wore all her shoes, even the ugly ones. then i had one with size 9 shoes. that's the worst. 'cause i kept borrowing her shoes anyhow 'cause they were just a teeny-teeny bit too small, and then i'd get blisters. it's better if they are just a 6 or whatevs, 'cause then i don't even try to pull it off.

autumn m: this comment is a good example of what i'm looking for in a perfect comment. let me explain. i think it hits all the things i love about a comment, which i'm going to list for everyone who wants a shot at top weirdo commenter of the year. let me please say that i am also being totally serious. i mean i'm being totally serious about being a campy feeling-filled human who enjoys what i do sometimes:
1. opens with reference to a completely random detail from the vlog (wide screen)
2. weird/of course personal connection (shoe size)
3. personal growth & change i may have personally witnessed (who's the girl/who's the boy)
4. reference to sweatpants
5. observation indicative of actually paying attention closely (alex leaning in to do her hair)
6. personal anecdote
7. personal anecdote totally out of the blue
8. personal anecdote totally our of the blue that involves the commenter doing something totally amazing that i would love to have done myself (vd at tgiving) and observation of other humans being total weirdos, but not the good kind of weirdo necessarily.
9. trademark blase conclusion to story (e.g., "but whatevs. you win some, you auto-lose some." here we have "who knew.")
10. totally completely literally from outer space conclusion reflecting yearning and perspective on the true and important things about life, a desire to know more, and involves at least one serious misspelling/typo. "jupitar." And then you're like, you know that's what that word should be.

I hope everyone knows i'm being serious. That's what we should all aim for in our work.

Nah, y'all just do what you do. But that's more just an FYI for Autumn of why I'm thankful for her commenter.

e.: i really am tall, it's totally true. also that's a great quote "we're both girls, that's kind of the point?" you should sell that to someone. seriously. I think it would be funny if I had sweatpants that were like for a sports team but instead of Soccer it said Hermit.

laura: yeah the lighting was such that it actually bleached out my leg so you can't see it, but I feel like it's almost healed now, though it was still scabbed then. i'm totally talking really seriously about the state of my scar still, like those might be gross details. i don't know. i have no idea what the duggers are, but i'm going to agree with you that they are fucked up. i went to the airport there. it was okay i guess.

JD: oh, one of her eyes is ALMOST out, it's just bigger than the other. I should've subtitlted that part! omg. No, just one of them is bigger 'cause the fur is like peeling back. it's serious.

Erin: Oh, it's back, it's being broughten.

eric mathew: you are a total weirdo. i can't even read your comment all the way through more than once because i'm laughing too much.

Al: Yeah, um, I've sort of not finished it. I could've cut and pasted a bunch of stuff, and if there'd been a prize, I probs would've made it happen. I'm a little over 30,000, given myself a new deadline of december 31st and figuring if I put in the same exact level of effort I did this month, which I think I can keep up for another month, I'll finish it.

Elizabeth: Yumyum. That is all.

Danielle: Yes. Unless someone says "I like your shoes," and then I'm just like "these are pumas" or whatever. depending on if they are pumas. well, unless they're high heels, then yeah i think, I will put this heel in your ear. You know?

autumn m said...

does this mean im in the running for top weirdo commenter of the year? because i dont know how i feel about that.

ummmpapi said...

apropos to nothing in this post:

theres a new britney spears song called "mmm papi"

just saying

riese said...

autumn: You should feel super amazing about it, 'cause it's the highest honor. I am always number one weirdo. Haviland is always on the list. It's a list of my favorite things basically. Well, I don't know if I am one of my favorite things, but I'm close.

mmmpapi: Oh i know, stef texted the minute she saw it. Sounds like a mariachi dance.

eric mathew said...

im secretly listening to barry manilow sings the eighties and it's secretly amazing.

if you thought the originals were this fierce just you wait for barry and reba singing islands in the stream.

okay jk im not really listening to it... i'm to cheap to buy it so the iTunes 30 second clips will do for now...

we rely on each other oooh oooh.

asher said...

yeah, i got a little carried away. sorry.

and yes. Nikki was banished to the outdoors because she pees on stuff. so she is the outdoor cat.

we have numerous indoor cats.

i'm just not realizing this is probaby a mean thing to do. like picking a favorite child. then again, this is America. we're not all created equal - duh.

Anonymous said...


The Brooklyn Boy said...

Riese -- 1) No punching people in the face. That's a party foul. Especially when it's based on them having told you you're hot. Because they were right.

2) I actually clicked over to the Alexi's Closet segment on accident, and hit play because it was you and Hav and was oddly entranced. I'm hoping it was because everyone involved was pretty.

3) Cheers to the T&S fadeout in this VLOG.

4) Why I love commenting on this B-L-O-G when wasted? I got nothin. Nothinnnnnnnnnnn.

5) Except for a baseless desire to win this weirdest commenter award everyone is after. Might as well aim high.

6) Good night.

Al said...

I did the same thing with my word count. Although I didn't even make it to 30,000 but I set my deadline to Dec. 31 as well. Good luuuuuck.

a;ex said...

oh Brooklyn Boy, I think you're gonna have to try much harder than that. Did you see Eric Mathew's latest comment? The weirdo bar has been raised.

eric mathew said...

oh no. the anonymous police are out. the to's have never been a strong suit of mine.

i'm really not that weird, just was in a crazy mood yesterday.

Vashti said...

Man, if I were clairvoyant and knew that you were going to one day hold a contest for weirdest commenter, I would've actually pointed out the tiny things that I notice and want to comment on ALL THE TIME. But no, I kept it to myself because I didn't want to feel like a creeper. I can't help it if I tend to be highly observant. Maybe you should open it up to weirdest commenter who shouldn't email you but does anyway.. Just sayin'. Cuz I mean, I do that more often than I probs should.

PS - The lack of bolded names in your first comment reply really threw me off at first. I was scrolling through the comments and was like "Who the eff is replying to all these people? Where's Riese?"

Anonymous said...

All this sweatpant talk I feel like I should share
- I don't want to brag... but I have a pair of sweatpans that say Free City on them...are you aware they make those.
based on the t-shirt in your VLOG I think you should invest in a pair.
soo how tall are you?

Crystal said...

I loved how many tshirt changes you did in that fashion vlog, it was amazing. I appreciate a good tshirt collection. And big feet. I feel like if there's a next round of merch, you should put out a line of auto-socks for girls with big feet. I'd buy lots.

autumn m said...

so.... i am totally tracking your lemon tree. it safely left Jacksonville, FL around 9am this morning. im a bit excited. i dont know why, but i am.
i also want to share that last night a friend bought me a stuffed panda bear. she then processed to name him Converse. as in, i have a stuffed animal named after a shoe. a shoe, i might add, that i have mixed feelings about.
and if this top weirdo commenter of the year thing is somehow connected to your favorite things, i really feel people who buy lemon trees for other people should be on it. im just makin my case here. since you say that it is the highest honor and all.

caitlin said...

there's something magical about autumn saying 'processed' instead of preceded about a bear named Converse. those lesbians and their feelings. i think it's awesome that you're really getting a lemon tree, i hope nata takes care of that baby, i see lots of fresh lemon vodka tonics in your future.

back to the vlog, it was excellent, i was obsessed with that kanye song, it reminds me of the cruise. looking back at what you guys looked like last year is kind of strange, your hair has had a lot of feelings. also, i am glad you have free city sweatpants, otherwise i feel like we'd have to throw down with that anonymous commenter.

Anonymous said...

haha hey hey no throw down necessary... Im glad you have the free city sweatpants, my life wouldn't be the same without that brand. and by the same I mean I would be $2,500 in debt to them! soo worth it though

Anonymous said...

correction :
"and by the same I mean I wouldN'T be $2,500 in debt to them! soo worth it though"

Anonymous said...

loooove the new layout; very sleak.
xx nar

Anonymous said...

loooove the new layout; very sleek.
xx nar

riese said...

eric mathew: It's not a secret anymore, 'caise you told me. I thought the originals were terrible. I don't know if this works like normal math but if it does there is a good possibility that I would hate this new album as well.

asher: Oh yeah obvs. Just don't let those cats get any ideas in their heads like if an indoor cat wanted to marry an outdoor cat, that would be a big mess.

Anonymous: to be specific, e.m., you should say "I am too cheap to buy it."

Brooklyn Boy: Seriously I'm trying to play out this scenario in my head and every time I think about someone telling me that I'm hot, the first thing that I think to myself is "I wanna punch you in the face." It's my auto-response.

Everyone involved was very pretty except me. I'll punch you in this face.

This is a community of wasted people.

Al: Okay we're going to keep each other on task. Ready steady go for real.

a;ex: I second that. BB is totally not weird compared to eric mathew's random comments that sort of resemble a conversation with me -- where no matter what's actually being discussed, I'm just gonna talk about whatever is popping into my head at that minute.

eric mathew: you are that weird. we love you for being weird, it's totally ok.

Vashti: I know you did come up in our conversation of weirdest commenters but determined you're not really that weird. I feel like once you were drunk and said something weird, I can't remember what it was. There's actually a lot of commenters who email me regardless of whether they should or shouldn't. I think everyone should do what they want to do. Carrie Bradshaw says we need to stop "shoulding' all over ourselves.

I'll bold the names from now on though for you for real.

Anonymous: I am! Actually if you look closely in the video when I am sitting with Haviland, I am wearing Free City sweatpants. When I say "I'm wearing sweatpants, I don't even dress up for you guys anymore,' it's almost a joke, 'cause I totally AM wearing Free City sweatpants, which are fancy. And yeah I'm 15,000 in credit card debt so I am certainly not judging.

I am 5'10. If you're asking becauseyou'd like to mail me some free city sweatpants, then I should let you know I'm a 36 inch inseam.

crystal: I know! Remember when you guys got me that OMG WTF t-shirt? That was awesome. I like big feet too and socks always shrink so that is also a good idea. All around score.

autumn m: OOO thanks for the update. I bet you're excited but not nearly as excited as Natalie, she is really excited. She's already talked about it a few times today. I also wore converse today. I love weirdos and lemon trees.

jersey: that's a good point about the lemons for drinks. as you know i'm not supposed to eat lemons but when i get drunk anything can happen, so it will be handy to have it so I don't have to run otu to the store. I feel like there were moments last year when my hair was really good and moments when it was really unfortunate, namely around the time of the Jodi vlog.

Anonymous: Money isn't real, therefore debt isn't real. That's what i tell myself at night when I try to sleep. then I just take an ambien.

nar: I loooove you, xx.

nar: I loooove you, xx.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I have spent the last five minutes attempting to understand the logistics and physics involved in "you punching me in this face" and have done nothing but thoroughly confound myself.

You're hot!


Hahaha. You missed.


Al said...

Sounds like a plan.
Hmmm that means I should probably write. I'm WAY behind for even getting it done this month.

Vashti said...

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed to be considered not that weird. Hmmm.

Anyways, I just went on an extensive search for my drunk comment. I found it but, um, it wasn't really that exciting. It probs would've been better if I hadn't been drinking away my problems alone that night. Oh well. It happens, right?

Thanks for bolding the names. =]

Anonymous said...

5'10 ..Im five ten! but my feet arn't big enough for a 9 which leads me to being unstable most of time.
-and sure when I get an extra buck ill send ya some FC sweatpants...right after I buy the whole store