Friday, July 18, 2008

We MUST!: Rosie Cruise '08 Part #1 With Vlog, Words, Photos, and a Snack

So, I'm on the Rosie Cruise right now and when it's over I’m moving to Halifax, Nova Scotia. Halifax is packed with bookstores (including a feminist/queer store called "Venus Envy") and therefore reminds me of Ann Arbor before The Man/A-E-Phi took over. Coincidentally, Halifax is Ellen Page’s hometown (“I LOVE Ellen Page. I want to EAT HER FACE!” – Riese, Jan. '08), though we didn’t spot her during our Self-Guided Shore Excursion on Wednesday -- I think Ellen’s career is peaking right now so she’s probs making an edgy film in L.A or New York or one of those other big show-bizzy cities filled with annoying people who’ve got bogus body parts and drink sugar-free syrup/eat babies for breakfast. I live in New York City, but trust me if my neighbors had fake body parts, they’d look a lot better than they do, I’ve seen better waist-to-hip ratios on a fried chicken. JK, I love all people and actually loathe fried chicken, so there you go.

Also my keyboard feels like it’s on fire, it must be all the gay magic. Or it could be the boat, which is presently rocking back and forth, making me feel crazy/nauseous. Maybe it’s my hands. Maybe I have magic hands! I have magic hands! I like chips!

Hello o-pirates! Look, I've got a multimedia Friday for ya. I'll go into details -- e.g., extremely compelling details about Our Grand Vaycay -- when I return to the asphalted treachery of my regular life. I'm sure I'll have a lot of feelings and consequentially a book club, poetry, auto-fun, advice column vlog installments, late-night confessionals, streams of consciousness, top tens and totes random weirdohood.

For now ... firstly, a VIDEO of Haviland & I & Layla Love and a vlog in our room and all kinds of things well okay I made this movie for y'all this afternoon. Caitlin is becoming quite the cameraperson, p.s..:

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"Leaving New York -- never easy -- I saw the light fading out."
-R.E.M.
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“I wish we were on the boat right now,” Haviland is liable to moan on any of the 358 days of the year she’s not on it. After the boat, there is only “boat” and “not boat.”
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Boat: At 6 A.M. we’re on yoga mats at the fitness center waiting for Susan Powter to yell at us, to tell Caitlin “If I was that tall, I’d be illegal!” and to tell the fitness center employee “I like you, but I don’t like your penis” and to tell all of us that we’re sexy/beautiful/the future. How long will we wait?

Me: “We will wait until she comes. We must be patient, like the Jews at Mt. Sianai. They waited, and then Moses came down with the Ten Commandments."
Fellow Disciple: "Not everyone waited. There was the golden calf--"
Me: "Exactly. Thou shalt not worship false idols, and we will wait for Susan."

And we did. And it was worth it. And I can barely walk today, neither can Alex, we feel like our hamstrings have been through a tractor pull.

I'm listening to Tegan & Sara, I started jonesing. This is strange: here, now. Relatively alone at the computer in the internet cafe, paying for it, and so on, alone with my music and the words. It's the writing that makes me crazy, though I couldn't have it any other way. I'm not just saying this 'cause I'm reading Orlando.

Tuesday night I dreamt that the ninth plague was miniature cats dropping from our ceiling.

Susan's commandments are strict/sexy/beautiful/the future. She gets crazier every year. More on this later. Caitlin's written down some of her commandments and we will be gathering these, grasshoppers, and then we will bless you with them.


Modeling Through it in Halifax - 1
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Album Cover (Title: "Modeling Through It")
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Boat: I never return to anything. It’s a minor miracle I’ve spent over a year in my present apartment, and summer camp’s cliques and obsessive heterosexuality and insider-y gossip never worked for me so I never returned. Next year, a new camp, and then another, and another. But this’s my third fucking cruise. MY THIRD “CRUISE.” Aren’t I too cynical for all this? No, of course not. There’s water underneath and around us. No-one cares what you’re wearing or who you’re kissing and we’re too cut off to feasibly work while on board. So that's a few reasons why it's magic.

Boat: The entertainment’s appeal is never what I’d anticipated – in ’06, Cyndi Lauper and Kathi Griffin were – just as I expected – amazing. But I didn’t know Broadway Belters would be like a highlight reel of the last twenty years of Tony-award winning performances or that Hav & Brandi Massey doing Defying Gravity would almost bring me to tears, or that Elvira Kurt would be so fucking funny. Last year Sandra Bernhard wasn’t spectacular and we left Erasure early, but we made our own entertainment (“Living it Out” reading) and under certain circumstances, I found beaches and sunshine not only tolerable but lovely.

This year it's Julie Goldman. Literally the best/funniest stand-up I've seen all my life.

Boat:We decided to have a rolling race down a hill in Halifax (a.k.a. my future home), but halfway down I started feeling itchy and everyone thought I was kidding when I said I think I've developed an allergy to grass (I tend to exaggerate a lot) but whatevs. Anyhow, we made a lot of memories. And because we're all here, and I'd like to foster a spirit of togetherness and sisterhood under the light of the moon of the glow of all my sisters and brothers all over the world, I'm going to share them with you.


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Caitlin keeps on rolling.
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This is when I gave up and ran down the hill.
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Caitlin and Alex - still rolling after all these years
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Sooooo ... 'cause I want book club to be really good, and 'cause I owe y'all a "Stuff I've Been Reading" like WHOA, I'm gonna hold off on that discussion 'til I reach the shore. I'd tell you when that is, except I've got no idea what day it is and I'm in denial about any semblance of a life outside of here.

I've gotta get back to the room before Alex falls asleep, therefore lessening the chances I'll talk her into a grilled cheese.

17 comments:

A. said...

OMG you guys are in Halifax?! That's only my favourite place ever. I was on a holiday in Halifax this time last year. I wish I was there now.

...now I'm all heartbroken and have that awful homesick feeling for a place that is not even my home.
Way to go Riese, way to go.

Bridget said...

When will the Auto-Win & Friends World Blog Tour be heading to Australia?

The boat sounds awesome. Have a great time, all of you!

Ric said...

I think it's awesome that you are moving to Halifax! I've never visited Halifax but in my home town of Ottawa Ontario there is an amazing sex shop/bookstore called Venus Envy. Never knew it was potentially a chain? Or maybe just the same name? I'll ask next time I'm down. Anyway, I'm glad that your are becoming a Canadian haha. I live in Toronto - let's hang out and be besties! jkjk

ps. did you see ellen page on letterman where she was talking about her new apartment in Halifax and how it used to be a burlesque house, and everytime she comes home she expects to see a "transparent slut standing over the stairs." God I love that girl!

e. said...

Oh, Halifax! I almost went there for school.... Good music scene, too. Loved the pictures of you rolling/running down that Haligonian hill.

Adam said...

I just wanted to thank you for tagging the hill. Otherwise I would have been very confused.

Anonymous said...

i miss caitlin so much.

eric mathew said...

ummm seriosly totes hot. that almost turned me straight.

i mean the hair blowing in the wind mixed with the hottness = so good.

it seems like you are having an awful time. jokes. obvs. amazing. especially little foot.

on a serious note, this week has been sad... i even blogged on it, because rosie cruise captured all my blog friends. it has just been me, lozo and a pitcher of beer.

thank g-d for the all star game. holla.
7 days until 21.

can't wait for more.

Coffee Stained said...

Remember me? It's Canada. We discussed how I represented all of Canada because there's only ten or so people who live here and we're all very nice. I vaguely remember complaining about the new imovie, although I still complain about that.
I've been in Europe for three months, falling in love with British girls.
And now YOU are in CANADA. Magical. Or you were.
This comment really has no point. Other than Canada. Which always has a point. Eh.

Anonymous said...

eh! it's like a canada takeover of the comments! except not fo reals coz we're canada - we love peace and beavers and not takeovers.

venus envy is a chain of women/gay friendly, education oriented sex shops. when i was a peer sex educator at ottawa university we'd take field trips there.

ps. they have an online store - http://www.venusenvy.ca/

Bokolis said...

Those qualify as poom-poom shorts...nice!

Pheromones everywhere.

dani said...

OMG! WTF? the video is ridiculous. can't wait for more. enjoy the rest of the trip...do the dance!
xo

riese said...

a: We were in Halifax for about four hours, but I too wish I was there now. I'll be heartbroken tomorrow when homesick for this boat (also not my home), so we can be emo together yes.

bridget: Oh soon! first we need to have a few team bake sales to raise money for the airfare, and stock up on valium.

ric: I bet it's the kind of chain that isn't an actual chain, y'know, the kind that's got a few here or there, in special worthy places. Like Zingerman's in Ann Arbor. I did see Ellen Page on Letterman, though I'd forgotten it was about Halifax until the present moment when you reminded me. I love Canadas!

e.: I got hives, too, I'd like to add. Hives! They went away though, it was probs the kama sutra oil.

adam: Being around all these children has really enhanced my nurturing abilities, obvs.

anonymous: next year, dear, you will come!

eric mathew: Yay! Thank you! We're going to show the video to andrea mcardle and see if we can turn her gay, you've given me hope!

[Lozo doesn't even comment on my blog anymore, if it makes you feel any better. ]

coffee stained: Hellooooo Canada! Oh, you changed my life for real, 'cause now that I've got a MacBook Pro, I had to re-download imovie, the old version. I tried using the new one to videotape my roommate (he needed it for an audition) and it was so confusing. The point of Canada is: We Love Canada! Also we've adopted lots of British affectations, just to be funny. We're so funny.

anonymous: OO! thanks for the link -- the best part of the store was they had literally every book I've ever been in except one. I was like "Hello, my people of Canada!" And ZINES!!!!

Obvs Canada is so kind, yesterday we were in Provincetown and everyone was a total bitch.

We took a field trip to McDonald's once. Really scared me away from the burgers/pink patties.

bokolis: Oh and I LOVE my poom poom shorts! And pheromones!

dani: yay thank you for your love of the video! My number one feeling is poom-poom, number two is the dancing.

Coffee Stained said...

I have been thinking about switching back to Tiger just so I can have the old imovie back. Although I make one vlog once every.. five months, so I'm not really sure if it's worth it. Sometimes a girl just wants a few cool transitions though, you know? How did you just download the old imovie?
I'm glad you love Canada. One day you'll have to come and check out our fascination with large random objects. Like Ukrainian easter eggs, apples, and mushrooms...

JD said...

Loved the vlog and am jealous of the cruise, of course (especially since stepping outside in philly feels as if the apocalypse is nigh). Just one question- I saw a stuffed animal that wasn't tinkerbell. Where is she? (If I've been skimming recent entries where her absence was mentioned, then I apologize) Since her uhh love fest and trip to hollywood, is she too cool for the cruise? Otherwise, why isn't she being supervised- who knows what type of shenanigans she could get into on the big gay boat?

Crystal said...

A bake sale sounds like great way to fund an Australian tour. I'll have a quiet word Magic Johnson, maybe he'll let you operate from the planet harlem starbucks.

riese said...

coffee stained: Oh you can download the old i-movie 6.0 -- I did. There's lots of gliches like that it crashes a lot so you must save, save, save! Search the apple user forums and there are guides to what to do -- also if you can dig up the post you commented on, another commenter gave a link on where to download it.

All of those objects sound psychadellic, groovy!

jd: The stuffed animal is Littlefoot, she belongs to Alex who coincidentially also is nicknamed Littlefoot (among other nicknames, like semicolon and babypop). Littlefoot is Tinkerbell's boyfriend and I had my Tinkerbell privileges taken away when I insisted on giving her a pool chair to lie out on almost immediately. Howevs she had a fabulous time especially when we'd leave Tinkerbell and Littlefoot alone in the room bow chicka bow!

crystal: I feel like if people can market the apocalypse or lynching photos from the planet harlem starbucks, surely a bake sale would seem awfully harmless, and necessary.

Gabby said...

I live in Saint John and missed seeing you guys:( I would love to take the cruise sometime!!It looks and sounds like an amazing time!! Halifax is my second home,LOVE it!!Also I Love your blog! If I would have seen you guys,I would have been a mess. I totally would ve asked for a pic of you all!(with me)LOL