The Great Jim Harrison (The Legends of the Fall, After Ikkyu & Other Poems) once wrote: "One day. Standing in the river with my flyrod, I'll have the courage to admit my life." My writing teacher transcribed this quote in my "book" (I have this special book of my favorite poems & stories and I'd give it to friends/mentors to make a page or 2-3) underneath a 70's b&w of himself (my teacher). Above the photo, my teacher wrote: "Marie - Don't forget -- you owe me a big check so I can do a lot of thinking." See; I was supposed to get famous (due to my fingers allegedly being on the pulse of my generation -- a grave miscalculation), make money, and then send him to Montana where he could fish and think all his life.
Missoula, Missoula, Missoula, I'm yours. Eugene, your name is so terrible that you must be terribly lovely and green. I went to Ashland (same state), there were mountains, they were beautiful.
That's what they do (mountains). They sit there, look good.
I was upstate for Memorial Day weekend -- Alex's family has a cabin up there. Last night I came home. The sirens started after dark. A few, then a hundred, and then helicopters, then the people on the street with something to yell about and loudly. Seven innocent people shot, a few blocks away: "The gunman is still at large, and residents have been advised to stay in their homes." I miss East Harlem sometimes. No cab-drivers or delivery people or friends dared to tread into Sparlem, but people danced to music there. Here, on the West, music just thumps out of cars like it's fighting with the pavement, there's no dancing.
My favorite is NY1's article today, which ends with "two other unrelated shootings also happened in the area last night." (Subtext: "but we don't care.") -- shooting a 13-year-old boy in the leg? How the fuck does that happen? Seriously. How the fuck does that happen?
I don't know. And so, I keep talking about myself. Which I don't know either, but I know it enough to try to talk something. Crazy. Burma. Shoot.
Missoula, Missoula, Missoula, Santa Monica, San Francisco, Eugene, Tacoma, La Jolla, Raleigh, Anchorage, Chapel Hill, Concord, Santa Ana, Savannah, Interlochen, Missoula, Pierre, Charlotte, Colorado Springs, Mesa, Missoula, Des Moines, Providence, Montreal, Sioux Falls, Southampton, Escondido, San Antonio, Tulsa, Thousand Oaks, Topeka, Lafayette, Baton Rouge, Little Rock, Clearwater, Athens, Missoula. Those all sound nice. Literally.
One day, standing in the river with my flyrod, I'll have the courage to admit my life.
TO BE COMPLETED IN TWO SEGMENTS
PART ONE : 10-6
*
10. Hiking in the Woods
Saturday I was standing in the river and remembered everything.
Specifically: rivers I'd crossed before, tents slept in, that wilderness survival class I'd taken at thirteen where I had to build my own shelter from tarp & sticks and sleep in it for three days (but! I was young and we got mooned by the boys. All we could see was leaf-shadows on pale pre-adolescent ass, but what a thrill! Mooning!), getting lost in the Smokies, trekking the Tetons, singing bad hip-hop with backaches and bandanas somewhere in Northern Michigan. Afterwards I'd forget how bad my back hurt and remember the Nalgene bottle and the smell of fire.
It's always bizarre to have dozens of strong memories of a certain activity -- a non age-specific activity -- and then realize the memories are all at least ten years old, like when you go to the doctor and they ask when your last physical was and you feel like it was probs last year but when pressed realize, omg, it's been way more than a year.
I missed the woods. Hark!
*
9. Gone w/o Internet for over 48 hours
In the week preceding our recent jaunt to Malibu, I'd been wallowing in an imploding and increasingly boring state of depression/anxiety. Haviland said there was no internet at her temporary Malibu digs but 'cause Haviland's technologically impaired, I took this to mean, "I feel there's no internet in my house, but also I don't know how computers work and therefore I'm sure that You! Riese! will find the magic key to wireless." Howevs, I was wrong, Haviland was right as she always is. (First rule of fight club is "Haviland is right") Ixnay on the interent. This weekend upstate -- also, no internet ... and nowhere to drive to and get it, either. And ... it was actually totally ... fine. In Malibu everything was shiny with big lapping waves, upstate everything was green and familiar and safe. Wireless, shmireless. Once the panic passes, it's a whole new kind of calm. *
8. Talked to Strangers A LOT
In the past three weeks I've met Alex's family & friends, gone to two parties in one night, hugged Leisha Hailey and interviewed -- on camera -- a plethora of B-list homosexual celebrities. So, screw you, ex-boyfriend who said I had no social skills! (I mean, I don't. But whatever.) (Sidenote; nothing wrong with the B-list. I think I'm on the W-list or something, optimistically). I think waitressing was my old unreal social outlet, I miss it sometimes. Good workout.
*
7. Hung up On Someone, Over and Over
This technique, employed popularly by dramatic adolescents, can also be enjoyed by full grown adults, if the situation merits. Have you ever had a hang-up relationship? You know what I mean? I had one, 4-5 years ago ... it made me insane and anxious, 'cause I never knew when he was about to hang up and depending on the circumstance, call back or wait for my call back, etc. If I hung up -- would HE call back? How many times would he have to call back before I'd pick up? Vice versa? OMG how did this become my fucking life, etc.?Once you get used to it, hanging up becomes really not so different from just saying something. As an adult, I feel it's only necessary when someone insists on saying things you don't want to hear. Or! You can take "hanging up" and raise it "hurling phone against the wall," that's fun.
I made the poor decision of raising the topic of Emily Gould's article -- and subsequently, the "self-indulgence-of-bloggers" debate -- with B.
B.: "You're such a good writer, Marie, and you have so much substance, and so much to offer --"
Me: "Wait, slow down. I'm going to transcribe this for my blog, because I'm very self-indulgent and want to air all my personal conversations in public. Okay, got it -- I'm at "so much to offer," keep going--"
B.: "Okay ... really?" [laughs] "You have so much to offer, and yet you're wasting your time on things that are superficial -- I wonder whether or not it ever occurs to you that your endeavors are not as fruitful as they might be, or that they might be superficial, or not be worth your time as much as other endeavors."
Me: "Like what?"
B.: "Like not writing for a body that needs to be entertained. About lip gloss and manicures."
Me: "I LIKE LIP GLOSS AND MANICURES!"
B. : "You say you feel empty, you might want to look at your work and ask why you feel empty --"
(I hang up)
B.: "What if I was your -- your creative writing teacher, coming to tell you this, would you listen?"
Me: "Yes."
B.: "Because of academia's institutions and --"
Me: "Because I'd take this advice from anyone other than you."
B.: "So it's just 'cause it's me."
Me: "Yes."
B.: "So, then, don't listen to me."
Me: "I'm not, when I do, it stresses me out and I can't write anything. Don't read my blog if you don't like it."
B.: "I'm only saying this -- and continuing to call you back when you hang up on me -- because I believe in you, weirdo, and I want to read your blog. I love your writing."
Me: "You haven't liked anything I've written all year."
B. "I liked that auto-portrait piece."
Me: "UGH. Okay, you didn't like anything besides that."
B.: "Okay, tell me what was the content in your most recent post?"
Me: "Nothing. Nothing it was totally irrelevant, worst blog ever, you should just read Elif Bautman and Arts & Letters and The Guardian UK and skip my vapid blog."
B.: "Just tell me what in that post --"
(I hang up)
And so on. Eventually we reached a truce related to different feelings about art vs. entertainment and clearly life in general. Whatevs. "Blog" is such a weird word, it sounds like "bog." Which is a swamp. "There's just no pleasing you, there's just no talking to you." (Ani DiFranco) But I don't know the answer to the question, "why do I do it?" The answer I gave: "I don't know yet." I'm ok with that. It'll be my final answer.
Seriously, I wish everyone in this neighborhood could just truce for like 20 seconds so that a solid hour of my life that could pass without the sound of sirens. I'd prefer to hear cows or chickens.
If I started an Emily Gould fanclub on facebook, I wonder if anyone would join it. Actually, that idea is probably so May 26th, and it's totally the 27th already. The slogan would be "If you don't like what she's doing, don't read it, weirdo."
Q: Like you, Joni Mitchell was extremely self-referential. Many people liked this at first, but they eventually grew tired of it. When she finally stopped writing about herself and turned her attention elsewhere, most people had already lost interest and moved on. Do you worry that the same thing will happen to you?
A: Have people grown tired of Joni Mitchell's self-referentiality? I haven't.*
(me neither)
6. Rode Bicycles
So anyhow, one day, standing above a river on a bicycle, I'll have the courage to admit my life -- lip gloss and all. For now; sirens, gould, self-indulgent english muffin eating. Ehhh. Scream.
33 comments:
i love that you had so many thoughts while standing in the river. all i was thinking about was umm how we were going to get back. your mind never ceases to amaze me.
also truer words were never written:
First rule of fight club is "Haviland is right
I would TOTALLY join an Emily Gould fan club. I don't aspire to be her but I kind of feel bad about the whole charade. Maybe she could use some supporters (T-shirts?)
Having read the article today instead of doing actual work at work, I'm a Gould fan.
That's def one of the Top 10 first rules of Fight Club, for sure.
My goal of the weekend was to break as many self-imposed rules as we possibly could.
Like Cait, I am also amazed by your thought process. All I was thinking was how you guys probs secretly hated me for bringing you into the depths of the woods to play in a river.
jk! nvm! you totally love nature!
this explains why i didn't get poked by semi all weekend.
oh, i read, this.
First rule of the fight club: Don't use Emily Gould's full disclosure tactics as a veneer for credibility. Blog a different kind of "I."
Second rule: Never hang up or lose eye contact.
Third rule: Start a fan club for that empty feeling. Be sure to not join it.
caitlin : I have a lot of thoughts while standing in the river, and even more in retrospect. Especially after getting my Coca-Cola.
ellen: I don't aspire to be her either, but I think we'd all look smashing in a Team Emily t-shirt.
a;ex: Ok, it's time to start designing the Team Emily t-shirts! If only we'd had brunch, things would've really gotten crazy. Or if there were phone calls ... (errrr) ... also, I make it a point to never make hatred a secret.
Dave Lozo: congratulations! Also, I announced that we were going away for the weekend in my last post, but that's okay. Better late than never.
Juno: If I start a fan club, I won't have to join it, 'cause I'll own it, and make all the rules.
I like eye contact though, even if I never see eye to eye with anyone.
I'm many things but above all, barely credible.
I just can't believe people are yelling at someone for oversharing. It takes two to tango, Mom always said ...
I'd like to be the Captain of Team Empty though, for sure. Those would be some t-shirts.
I really enjoyed your whole hiking section. SO true. I went backpacking a few years ago for ten days and although it rained EVERY day and I was sick with and other stuff, it was an amazing time.
We should all go camping. Video tape the whole expierence.
Oh Nalgene smell and how if you put something other than water in it, you were done for.
Where was Semi's house? That area reminds me of my camp... although upstate all looks the same...good times....
we miss you at ronnie's bbq... not that you knew there was one, but you missed good margarita's and not ones out of a mix. they were like natural with fruit. for realz goodness.
(I don't know if bringing this up is a poor decision - the self indulgence of bloggers debate, but um...you started it?)
I only recently started reading your blog, but still - I wouldn't say it's self indulgent. Some blogs are, absolutely. However, yours is written in a way that's more based on the insights of your experiences as opposed to the experiences themselves which is more self indulgent, because it implies that everything the blogger does / thinks is interesting to everyone else. Maybe it's just the way you write, but it's very inviting to self-reflection for the reader. I don't know if that's your goal or not, but that's what it does. For me anyway.
As for writing about lip gloss; personally, I think it's exhausting to write the life changing stories and self reflective pieces too often. Sure, they're usually better and naturally have more substance - but if someone writes like that every day they'd drive themselves completely insane. And sometimes, you just want to write, and that's reason enough. So I guess just keep doing what you're doing with your "i don't know why" reasoning, and try not to over think it.
I bought a new bike about a month ago, the last time I rode one was over 10 years ago. I had to teach myself how to do it again, but now I'm back to feeling like a kid tooling around and trying not to get hit by traffic. I don't remember there being this much traffic when I was a kid...
I'm reading Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld right now... Your writing is so much likes hers, and I mean that in a very good way.
As we've noted before, JM is brill...she just is. "Many people liked this at first, but they eventually grew tired of it. When she finally stopped writing about herself and turned her attention elsewhere, most people had already lost interest and moved on." Um, shenanigans Mr. NY Times commenter. It was the very fact that she stopped writing about herself (with Hissing of Summer Lawns. Court and Spark, her album before this, and 6th in the line of self-indulgence, was her best-selling at the time) that lost her her fan base.
I know that was all completely tangential to your point, Riese, and you would think I was an aging hippie the way I defend JM, instead of (obvs) a "finger on the pulse" hipster, but that was just a completely inaccurate comment. Gould's response with JM lyrics was awesome.
More and more these days, I find that I keep having these strong memories of certain activities that you described. It was like, once I hit 25, I started getting weird nostalgia...I don't even know if that is the right word, but it keeps happening...all the time.
I grew up "upstate" and my fam still lives there. Unfortunately not in the rivers and cabins part though- more the Syracuse-ish ghetto part, but whatevs. I understand the calming effect of the green, and glad you got to enjoy it.
man, i fucking love that park too. this place is so weird. you know how everybody looks at you all crazy when you say you live in harlem? they're completely right, fuck this.
i have a hang-up relationship with my mother right now, except she is the one who hangs up on me.
i am def in the gould fan club.
last time i went camping in the canadian wilderness, i was the only person in my tent who thought to bring a sleeping bag. i ended up sacrificing it to my friends, who i obviously love more than myself, which is a nice idea but also a stupid one. for a few hours i shivered under a towel, and then i gave up and slept in my car. the next day, we fully ordered a pizza to our campsite. i'm great at roughing it.
You are probably not going to believe me, but I read Gould's Q and A prior to checking my Reader this morning, and the very first line that popped into my head when I read her reference to Mitchell was the very line that you used as the title for this post.
Although I guess that isn't really surprising, given that "Blue" was practically on repeat for me throughout the entirety of my undergraduate career. Also, given that I haven't grown tired of Mitchell's self-referentiality (or my own, or yours, or Gould's) either.
I totally think we should start Team Emily on Facebook. I would totally join AND even help design t-shirts, I don't care if it's so May 26th.
I loved this entry (do I ever not conclude a comment over here with that?). Here's to self-indulgent English muffin eating. And rivers. And Missoula. And lip gloss.
1. Indigo Girls version of this song is beautiful - so is the one from "Ally McBeal."
2. Whenever I'm in a body of water, I think those kinds of thoughts, always...it's one of the top ten reasons I love the beach so much.
3. Good rule to live by, Riese. Glad it's now on the internets for all to know.
Two things about E.G. etc:
1) It doesn't much matter what the story you tell is like (true, false, personal, public) because the story is just a means. The difference between self-indulgent posts and good posts isn't what they're about, it's what they're about (i.e. what they're in the business of doing, their end). Instead of asking you (or yourself) "is your talent wasted on lip gloss" a better question is "does this say something that needs saying or just something that I need to say?" Then again, I guess that's the difference between great writing and pretty turns of phrase no matter what the forum.
There's no rule that says: "Lip gloss can't say something that needs saying", just a custom, but there's also no guarantee that it will.
2) Court and Spark is one of my happy places.
I agree with Adam's (1). The situation versus the story--the story being the insight, informed by an intention independent of the situation. "The truth of the truth not the facts." (DH Lawrence, actually.) This isn't my idea, of course; it's from a book by Vivian Gornick about writing personal narrative nonfiction. Worth reading. And if you haven't already, Riese, you should also check out her book Approaching Eye Level, it's about being a writer in New York =) and isolation and loneliness and other fun things, very intelligently as I recall.
i love that this picture looks like some screencap from LOST.
where is benjamin linus?
I second adam's #1. Or, um, third it. Also, lip gloss is not something to be trifled with, so I don't really understand that criticism anyway.
I had a lot of green and wilderness growing up--I did a LOT of biking and hiking and fort-building and camping (even in a teepee, good times), had a little belt knife I wore around all summer--but every time I go back to visit I find more and more of it hacked away. It's weird, 'cause nobody really lives there. They just like making roads, I guess. I read "Binsey Poplars" over and over; sometimes I truly heart old Gerry M. Hopkins.
I have mixed feelings about Joni Mitchell.
eric mathew: I think camping with a video camera is called "Survivor," maybe. Or "The Simple Life." I had a giant fight with a friend in high school who made lemonade in my water-only water bottle, and i was livid. She went to the corner store to get me a new one and they didn't have mine, so she came back with every other kind they had and collapsed onto the ground crying. Semi's house was in the middle of nowhere, near a lot of summer camps though.
mindy: Thanks -- that's what i'm going for -- I find that I've been helped in my life considerably by reading what others have gone through, and I hope when I talk about myself that if I can even connect with one unconnected person in the whole wide world, I'm happy for that. It's like all I've got to offer this fucked up world, and I think art, at its heart, is outgoing rather than self-reflective/self-righteous.
And yeah -- re; lip gloss, exactly. Like if I didn't make vlogs, I wouldn't be writing more life changing blogs during that time -- I've got finite energy. Anyway, thanks.
a. : Oh, I loved Prep! So many passages that reminded me of Interlochen, I wish I could read Prep over and over for as long as I live, and thank you for the compliment.
There was much less traffic when we were kids, all of us., whenever.
jd: and and and! that the nytimes commenter can just write that and then run off -- people can say whatever they want, even total lies, and the writer is left to contend with it. It's like arguing with a crazy person, where do you begin?
from kicking and screaming:
Max: I'm too nostalgic. I'll admit it.
Skippy: We graduated four months ago. What can you possibly be nostalgic for?
Max: I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I've begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I'm reminiscing this right now. I can't go to the bar because I've already looked back on it in my memory... and I didn't have a good time.
I was offered a scholarship to Syracuse and was going to take it until a woman told me not to, I'd freeze and it was grey. She scared the shit out of me, and so I didn't. That was possibly unwise. I like green. And Joni Mitchell ... I think Blue is one of the best albums of all time, probs.
stef: Yeah I used to say, "it's not that bad," or "it's up and coming," but now I'm like, "yup, it's exactly that bad. residents have been advised to stay in their homes, emerge only in sweatpants.." Your last paragraph sounds like a good outline for a short story. Maybe I'll go for anything that ends in a pizza party.
atherton: I totes believe you. There must be something in the way we all think the same things at the same time. (team emily: done and donnnee). cheers to glossy lips and muffins of all nationalities and words of yours and mine and gould's, missoula, missoula, missoula, lives, devils, deeds, touching souls.
haviland: it is, it is. even better live, in the grass. you must also be right about the beach.
adam: see, if i didn't write a blog, i wouldn't get good advice like that from people i'd never have run into in 3-d life.
meghan: see above ("adam"). my c.w teacher, the one who gave me that jim harrison quote, always said "you can lie about a fact to get at an emotional truth." - thanks for the rec.
dani: I have never seen LOST but I'm gonna hazard a guess that Benjamin is right around the river bend? holla!
e. Lip gloss thanks you for acknowledging its complications. First of all; I've yet to find one that stays on all day, let alone one I could wear in the woods.
Alex saw a lot of trees that had been cut down since her last visit when we were going through, too. One day I'll have a river to skate away on, and a teepee, or, speaking of hippie singer-songwriters, a wigwam.
Because I'm at an impressionable age, I joined your Team Emily group on Facebook even though I'm not really even sure who that is. I'm gonna have to read that article or something.
I'm not too keen on nature, I'm scared of tree bandits.
Which is worse Harlem or Detroit?
OMG……… hijing gets me soooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!! Especially id singing “evertwheere we go………”” whilst hiking!!!!!!!!
In the uk theres this thing caled the DUke of eDunburgh award which involves trekking thorugh the woods…………its awesome……….
Gtting lost is fun……..especially with girllies who freak out about never seing there fmailes again……………….annd and and……………/ getting lost and asking a freeakni old man for dierections…………..he wouldn’t leave us aloine and wanted us to take the root thta wnet via his house…………………….we were like………..”noooooooooooooooooooooooo, were ok thanks!!!!!!!!!” Then we ang are group leadewr cos he was scaring us and she camen and saved us………actually she got otut the car loked as this 100 yr old man with a alking atcik and went……………”girls…………..seriuously!?1””
and we gort stuck in mud by pooey sewagse works……. I dread to thiknk whats was in that mud!!!!!
m in a really talkative moood……………….i fell abit hyuper…………why ams I usinhg so mnay………………..its really anooying and make up most this coment ……..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
BYEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
OMG……… hijing gets me soooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!! Especially id singing “evertwheere we go………”” whilst hiking!!!!!!!!
In the uk theres this thing caled the DUke of eDunburgh award which involves trekking thorugh the woods…………its awesome……….
Gtting lost is fun……..especially with girllies who freak out about never seing there fmailes again……………….annd and and……………/ getting lost and asking a freeakni old man for dierections…………..he wouldn’t leave us aloine and wanted us to take the root thta wnet via his house…………………….we were like………..”noooooooooooooooooooooooo, were ok thanks!!!!!!!!!” Then we ang are group leadewr cos he was scaring us and she camen and saved us………actually she got otut the car loked as this 100 yr old man with a alking atcik and went……………”girls…………..seriuously!?1””
and we gort stuck in mud by pooey sewagse works……. I dread to thiknk whats was in that mud!!!!!
m in a really talkative moood……………….i fell abit hyuper…………why ams I usinhg so mnay………………..its really anooying and make up most this coment ……..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
BYEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
omg lol wtf just happened
wait what? i'm with cait... seriously... it;s like a madlib on crack.
OMG. I'll remember that forever!
sincerely forever, anonymous.
Heavy is the crown, Dewey; ask a;ex. We'll still be calling you "Deweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!" a year from now.
you should watch it...for real(s)
I'm going to third the Cait... and Eric Mathew comment.
Like a tornado just ripped through.
OMG, I just awoke and my thought process went as follows....
1) My head hurts+ I feel a lil bit sick
2) WTF happened last night, OMG I hope I didn’t do anything embarrassing (moments came flooding back to me)
3) Why is my laptop on??...
Well I’m guessing this is why my laptop is on. How on earth did I manage to leave it twice??
I’m actually quite impressed with myself considering I barely remember writing it. It does have some relevance and to me, makes perfect sense if you ignore all the typing errors, ...., and extended words. The funniest part to me is that I put root rather than route.
Anyways, I do apologise, I'm going to find something to cure my headache the bright lights of the laptop are making it worse
I feel the same way re: no internet. like sometimes I can't go without it and other times I don't even come home at night much less turn on the computer.
Also, list of places, I vote for mine.
Also, I love your posts, because the ones that are filled with air & fluff are at least happy, & I can read them when I'm happy too, and the ones that are deep and soulful and depressing, they harmonize with my own depression that never goes away. It's like highs and lows, drama & comedy, too much of either would create monotony. Life is like that!
I love reading about other people's lives and selves and thoughts and feelings, and I love writing about mine. Because even if you change all the pronouns and invent some things, everything you write is about you in a disconnected way, because your self is the filter through which you experience all things. You can't get outside of that, except maybe when you die.
word ver is "ahjoy" I don't even need to say anything
Yeah, reading over my "book" from Interlochen refreshes my intentions to spend more time in the woods, to start fishing and drinking, to pay attention. Also to keep my promise of reading 92 in the Shade once every few years (Delp made me sign some quickly scrawled contract stating as much) so that I'll know when to take over the wheel/when I'm really going insane.
Here's my JH quote: We are each the only universe we are going to get.
crystal: I like young impressionable girls. Let's chat.
ladybug: Detroit. At least we can get freshdirect in Harlem.
dewey: This is the most amazing thing I've seen since supr got trashed a few months ago and commented about ppl in her headspace. I would give you the Duke of eDunburgh award any day. I also like leading girlies into the woods, like Little Red Riding Hood. You are usinhg so mnay "....." because you are so excited, obvs! Anyway, thank you for being you. This is all kinds of brill.
dewey: I'm glad you posted it twice, because it's twice as amazing that way.
caitlin: omg lol lmao wtf omg
eric mathew: It is! It totally is.
a;ex: Me too!
Adam: I'm guessing I'll still be doing it two years from now. I grow up slow, and I like crowns.
dani: ok!
A. A tornado of awesome for sure!
deweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey: Mornin', sunshine! Have fun last night? I totally feel you on the "root/route" thing. I love when I wake up and see I wrote someone in complete gibberish and words that don't mean anything and yet still all I can think about is the fact that I used "your" instead of "you're."
Mercury: Your place has that song, which is a benefit. Anchored down in Anchorage ... etc. etc. Per ush, what can I say to you but that your wisdom and insight continues to touch/amaze me. I like this: I love reading about other people's lives and selves and thoughts and feelings, and I love writing about mine. Because even if you change all the pronouns and invent some things, everything you write is about you in a disconnected way, because your self is the filter through which you experience all things. You can't get outside of that, except maybe when you die. Although I don't think you get out of it even then.
Ingrid: I feel it's easier to pay attention when all you do is fish and drink, which's why reading my book always makes me think I need to spend more time with pastels, fishing, drinking, and flyrods. I still don't know when to take the wheel, no matter how insane the man at the wheel is, but it's good to know that the ocean's still full of naked young boys and Neptune-bearded old men. the lawn's on fire.
Hey lady...just catching up...really funny job on those Logo red carpet vids...was going to post that there, but would rather post here because for what it's worth, your more "literary" posts are actually my least favorite. and i'm a huge fan. and i'm not a moron. it's all so subjective. write whatever you want. the best part about you is that sometimes I think you actually do write EVERYTHING you want. there really aren't many who do it. so good job. we should finally meet up sometime this summer. (I HATE SUMMER. OHHHHHHH THE SWEATING.) this post is so creepy/awesome -- luckily no one will see it!
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