I'm in Pennsylvania, The Quaker State. Great state. Very large. Lots of driving to do here: some turnpikes, highways, significant fog. You guys, driving is dangerous! Seriously, it's been a while since I've driven outside of NYC -- which is different, 'cause driving in NYC is certifiably dangerous so everyone's on alert. Out here in The Rest of the World, people are not on anything remotely like "alert." They're just doing whatever they need to do while they happen to be driving a car, like how I read magazines and watch teevee and write email and just happen to be on an elliptical trainer sometimes. Luckily, elliptical trainers can't run into trees.
9. You're Too Sexy For Your Shirt, Get One of Our Shirts
As I may've mentioned or possibly even dedicated an entire post to, we've been pole-vaulting the Auto-Apparel Store into business! Vega and Stef have been working super-hard, they're better (and cuter!) than elves. We're starting small, and then building/marketing, like right now it's very mom-and-pop, like the corner store, so this is the part where you'll still get cute personal touches, like an index card stating that "I.O.U a sticker when they come in!" (first week of January) and a lock of Haviland's hair (I'll save them when she sleeps over) (just realised I could probs actually do that if I wanted to) (which I don't, 'cause I'm sure she'd give me lots of locks if I just asked, no need to be all creepy about it). But next year we'll start rolling out more merch, like hoodies for critters and black t-shirts because that's Crystal's colour.
I'm so excited about all of this just 'cause Vega's designs are so hot (which just goes to show you that if you win an Auto-Win Comment Contest, you're clearly on a fast-track to success), and I don't mean that in a Tila Tequila monotone kind of way but in a really genuine, critter jumping-up-and-down kind of way.
Because of Jesus, the first shipment won't arrive on your little doorsteps til after Christmas, but it'll totes be pre-New Years for you U.S. residents. Like, actually, many of you will be sporting your Auto-Wear NEXT WEEK!!! You must order before Christmas however if you wanna get the free Auto-Win Soundtrack CD. It's really hot. I might run out of CDs though and have to come up with a new bonus gift. I guess I could just buy more CD-Rs. Good call, self.
So ... do You Wanna Look Very Automatic Today? How About Next Week? Okay Perfect:
8. On the Road
Man, when I lived in Michigan and had a car I used to drive around not paying attention all the time, I can't believe it. I mean human beings must've really had to get used to being so blase about barreling these suckers down the highway at 1,000 M.P.H. Especially truck drivers. My grandpa was a truck driver. Before that he was a farmer. If this was 20 years ago on December 23rd, I'd be at that farm right now, inhaling the sweet scent of fertilizer, a.k.a. manure. Instead I'm here, and then tomorrow I'll go to the house they bought after they sold the farm. There'll be no pigs, cows or horses at the house I'm going to tomorrow unfortunately, because I love farm animals.
7. Year! In! Review!
I'm actually making a lot of progress with the Year in Review, but there's just been so many things to talk about this week! And I have to keep posting these things! But I will be posting! The Year in Review! Before the End of the Year! I! love! Exclamation! Points!
6. Dasher and Dancer
What are you guys doing for the holidays? Do you think you spend MORE time reading blogs during X-mas break, or LESS? I just don't wanna put out an effort for no reason. I love Twix bars. I live in New York, so when it's time to eat a lot of food, I have to drive to the Midwest. I could fly, but I have mixed feelings about Al Queda and R-Kelly. This is one of many reasons I wish I was a superhero, then I could fly for reals, and it's not like a terrorist could hijack my plane, because there'd be no plane, just my smokin' hot body, flying through outer space and the clouds, like Gonzo:
5. Like Steel in my Palm
So today I thought I'd probs leave NYC around noon. Five hours later, I'm hauling stuff to the rental car, like boxes of merch to mail out on Monday or Wednesday (kinda depends on what happens to me on Monday, I may've mentioned my grandparents live in Reeseville - REESEVILLE! - population 63) and my brother calls to see where I'm at, and is clearly impressed that I'm making such good time (as in, I've made it all the way from my apartment to the street directly below it, almost in Ohio) and I'm like "OMG, my hand is gushing blood," and then I have to call him back later 'cause my hand was covered in blood.
My brother drove to Ohio from New Orleans. Clearly I'm not that tough, I gave up in Pennsylvania. On Monday we'll both drive to Michigan where my Moms live. Or Tuesday. I don't know what's going on, I'm just here for the cookies.
Anyhow, yeah at about three or so, I was moving a box and somehow managed to get my hand caught on this pesky nail and it sliced clean through the skin on the front of my hand between my middle finger and my other finger and it was really intense. I've actually sliced my palm open many-a-time in the food service industry, resulting in fainting and stitches, soooo compared to that, this was nothing. Still though I freaked out for a little bit, and thought "I wish I knew someone who'd accidentally cut herself with a crack pipe before who could provide emotional support during this trying time," and luckily, I do, and she did. Then later I actually tried moving my hand normally and it started bleeding all over again, I almost fainted at CVS and wanted to kill everyone there who doesn't understand how lines work, I needed band-aids goddamit.
4. Peaceful Easy Feeling
I love classic rock radio. You know how when you're flipping radio stations, you're not really looking for a song you like so much as a song that indicates you've hit a station that could possibly continue to play music not entirely offensive to your earholes? That's how I feel when I flip upon some Pink Floyd, Beatles, The Who, Rolling Stones, Journey, The Eagles or Van Morrisson, I'm like, solid. I'm here, keep on rockin'. Sometimes they'll break out some new wave, sometimes it'll be Brit-heavy, you never know what delights lie in store! Even if it journeys too much into Billy Joel territory, really, whatever they do, even American Pie, I'm into it. I'm rockin'.
I think this is the fastest blog post I've ever written. Seriously, even faster than when I just talked crazy for like, 20 paragraphs.
2. And also. also. also.
Probs part of the reason it's been so quick is because I've just written down every thought that's come into my head.
As you may've noticed when they busted out "Livin' La Vida Loca," The L Word is totally running out of L Words, which is actually semi-ridic, there's plenty they haven't used. I mean, I'm sure they want to use Labia Majora again, or Land Ahoy! or Long Time Coming.
These are Carly's predictions for Episodes 506 on (summaries of the first five eps are already sitting in a document on my desktop thanks to my good friends at Showtime, but I refuse to give myself Spoilers) : "Lady or the Tiger," "Laundry Day," "Leif Erikson" "Lenin, Vladimir," "Lanky Loungewear," "Left turn at the third light, second house on the Left" and the finale "Let this show end with dignity, please?"
I totally LOL'ed at Leif Erikson. That would be an incredible episode. I have such funny friends, especially Carly. Lesbians. LOL. Lolita. Lozo. LK. Lick. Lawnchair. Loop. Loser. Lazy. Lexapro. Haha. "Lexapro: In Which Jenny Gets Her Shit Together."