Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sunday Top 10: Reviving Shark Earrings and Brain Wave Rooms

People usually associate Spring (the season, not the verb) with re-birth, probably because of flowers, trees and Jesus. Who are these people? Peter Rabbit? Personally, I find the late rainy misery of October to be far more appropriate to re-birth/revival/renewal than that optimistic Spring nonsense. There's something about the grey gloom that just warms my half-empty heart to it's sinful embers.

I mean...plants may be dying, but Broadway shows, Ophelia and heavy metal ballads have learned to REVIVE.


10. My roommate, MM, is an amazing uptight-turned-wild-wife in the music video for the revival of "Come All Ye Faithful," the first single from the Twisted Christmas CD. During the test audience screening When Natalie and I got to see the latest cut (it's not out yet, but we're special), we were both LOLing, almost LMAOing. For those of you who did not live in a liberal anti-commercial police state between the years of 1981-1994 (like me), you may remember the "We're Not Gonna Take it" music video, which showed on MTV while I was watching 3-2-1 Contact. This video is like that one but it stars MM and Dee's Cablevision guy.

9. I used to have a Yankees hat. Where is it now? Probably in some gigantic black hole with my ex-ipod and Stephanie's Adidas hat. I used to wear a Tigers hat. I can't do that anymore because: 1. It was the victim of one of many pilot-pen-ink explosions, 2. The Tigers are like, an actual threat this year? So I decided to revive the Cubs hat, which I bought for a Cubs game in Toronto in '03 (everyone had SARS, so we got a pretty handsome travel package), and I think that it's pretty f***in fabulous. And it doesn't scare anyone, because the Cubs aren't gonna like, win, or whatever.

8. I haven't done Halloween for the last several years (besides October '03--we went to Madison for their big bash. I was a peppermint stick. On the way back, when we were zipping past an asshole on the highway in Wapackaneta, Wisconsin, a police officer who was clearly jealous of my hot Lexus pulled me over for speeding. I got a $350 dollar ticket which led to a semi-serious total complete tantrum). But this year I am bringing back the Halloween and so
the point is: what should Stephanie and I be for Halloween?

Thelma and Louise? The Sweet Valley Twins? A Homosexy Robin and Batwoman? A Homosexy Robin Hood and Maid Marian? A Homosexy Peter Pan and Tinkerbell? Hansel and Gretel? Victoria's Secret Angels?

This is what we are working with. Close your eyes and imagine what would look good on us.

7. My best friend Haviland Stillwell rocks out about 10,000 costumes in the revival of Les Miserables, which is in previews right now at the Broadhurst Theater on Broadway. Of all the outfits she wore, the prostitute outfit was mos. def. the best. Of all the men in the show, Norm Lewis was without a doubt the most sexy. Of all the women in the show, obvs my vote goes to the Factory Girl, aka Haviland Stillwell. I hadn't seen the show before, but I had seen Joey Potter sing "On my Own" in the beauty pageant episode of "Dawson's Creek," which is just to say that I know a thing or two about Les Miserables.
Okay, you ready? I'm gonna be serious for a second. "Les Miserables" in amazing, and you should all go see it, even if you live in London, you should just get on a plane, okay? Alexander Gemignani is really stunning as Jean Valjean. Seriously. And yes, I had no idea how to spell his name or the name of the character he played until I looked it up on

6. Six Feet Under, now on Bravo.It's all I could ever ask for out of life. My joy cannot be expressed in mere words, though it drives me insane that they have to dub over all the "fucks" with lame words like "crap." Nate, Brenda and Claire all know how to pack the punches with their Mamet-esque brilliant employments of the word "fuck" at least 10 times an episode, so this is nothing short of tragic.

5. I totally rearranged a whole lot of furniture, therefore reviving the spirit of the apartment. Unfortunately, I accidentally chose to start this process about 5 minutes before the AlAnonitute and her Hapless Crew of Scrawny Boys showed up to extricate her furniture and belongings from the Den of Sin. Luckily they were just in time--Boy 2 helped me move my desk out my bedroom door (it was stubbornly stuck) to take to the living room. The AlAnonitute was not impressed with my re-distribution of labor and she scowled: "Is this really the best time for this?" I wanted to ask her if this was the best time for her to throw away all her Kashi and Morningstar Products and leave them for us to take out even though she had plenty of time to remove all our tables and chairs, but I didn't, because unlike her, I am a Supreme Person. I also wanted to tell her that unlike her 6th grade students, I am not in 6th grade, and I would like to be spoken to like an adult. Booya.

4. I seriously just read Reviving Ophelia. From cover to goddamn cover. I thought it would be good info for my book. I remember when every Mom was reading this book in 1994, aka my Mom. My favorite part is Dr. Pipher's descriptions of what the various girls wear to their therapy sessions:

"Tammy was dressed in a silk jacket, designer blue jeans and stylish green boots." (really? stylish green boots?)

"Rita's brown hair was decorated with feathers and beads, and she was dressed in a skin-tight satiny dress."

"Francesca was dressed in green jeans and a SIX FLAGS OVER TEXAS t-shirt."
(her caps, not mine.)

"Carol and Gary were new age parents. Gary wore beads and had a ponytail. Carol collected crystals and had spent time in the brain wave room at our New Age bookstore."

These two take the cake though:

"Julia, dressed in pink stretch pants, an oversized sweater and shark earrings..."

"Leah was dressed casually in a Garfield sweatshirt and jeans, but she was carefully groomed with long ice-blue nails and an elaborate hairstyle."

Seriously, take a moment to imagine those outfits. Okay. Good. Let's move on.

3. I totally rocked the Doc Martens last night. Yeah, like Daria, but HOT.

2. Um, so in Reviving Ophelia?

"Holly played Prince's music until she had all the lyrics memorized, and because Prince wore purple, Holly dressed exclusively in purple. She dyed her hair red and spiked it because Prince claimed he liked red hair."

"Holly often answered my questions by quoting Prince's songs."

First off though, I totally love Prince. But in this context, it's ridiculously amazing/awesome/reviving things on so many levels.

Mary Phipher Ph.D: How do you feel about your boyfriend Lyle?
Holly: I wanna be his brother, his mother and his sister too. There ain't no other that can do the things I'll do to him. And I get discouraged, cause you treat me just like a child, and they say I'm so shy, yeah, but with Lyle I just GO WILD!!!

1. Sorry, about Reviving Ophelia again?

"When I offered her a soda, she rolled her eyes and said "Color me Excited."


steph said...

you can be jordan c and i can be that guy that never showed up, tito? or i can be the virus that i must have and you can be the host

noxious said...

Totally Victoria's Secret Angels. Despite the fact that I hear those wings are insanely heavy & expensive. Beauty is pain.

jenna said...

totally going along with steph.... she should be rayanne and you, YOU should be angela chase! marie, it's perfect!

furthermore... the tigers got their asses kicked. they weren't a threat. i hate that i know this, but when you live in a city ruled by baseball, helloooooo chicago!, then you learn these things. which leads me to my next comment.. i'm glad you chose the cubs. i totally have a thing for losing sports teams, after all... i am from cleveland.

lastly... i think i've been reading your formal lj turned blogspot entries for too long as i remember the halloween '03 post. crazy.

marie lyn bernard said...

omg, the MSCL possibilities abound....I know I look like Angela Chase, but it would be so amazingly fun to be Jordan Catalano!!! Steph?

And yeah--we had the same hesitations about the wings. I know there are cheap fairy wings, but then we'll just look like hookers. In wings.

It's amzing when you realize that--like when I realized there was a blog I had been reading since it's inception. It's no wonder people like memoirs these days--we're all voluntarily spending our time reading present tense memoirs online. I all but linked to that post (because as I recall, it was atypically funny rather than angsty) but linking to my livejournal would be tricky business. i mean, what would people say? about my elizabeth wurtzel esque antics?

I really like the color scheme of the Cubs hat! It goes perfect with my jacket. wheee! Plus since my Mom is from Chi-town and also so many cool people live there, I have a piece of my heart there always.

marie lyn bernard said...

oh, and steph it was Tino! Tino!

I hope that's a good virus.

Anonymous said...

Ricky: Where did you get chinese food?
Rayanne: Two words. Ti. No.

:) Happy Halloween.

Anonymous said...

Ricky: Where did you get chinese food?
Rayanne: Two words. Ti. No.

Happy Halloween.

marie lyn bernard said...

ma. laina?

exitseraphim said...

haha. not me but not a bad guess :P

you and i have some weird telepathic connection; i just re-read Reviving Ophelia a few weeks ago.

teenage girls dressed really lame in the early 1990's; no wonder we all wanted to kill ourselves. i guess the flannel/docs look never hit the midwest...

steph said...

you can call me zithromax!