Sunday Top 10: Cuter Overload

I've heard about Cute Overload Dot Com before--I believe we made fun of it in the nerve scanner blog two or ten thousand times. Apparently it also won a Webby Award. Arguably, the word "webby" is--for my taste--a bit of a cuteness overload in and of itself. But if I were to win a Webby, which is clearly really quite likely, I would totally take that back.

But then I saw it in Bust magazine, which is like, mos def. in my top ten favorite magazines, behind Dog Fancy, Teen Vogue, The New Yorker and American Scrapbooking. (HA! Guess which one of those magazines I actually do read every month and I'll give you a hint: I don't like dogs, I don't live in Idaho, and I'm not very "smart").

Bust has been right about everything so far (except for 1. "Luna Pads"--if y'all know what I'm talking about you know what I'm talking about and 2. not publishing the photo Adam took of me and Malaina pretending to make out at the Craft-Tacular in Williamsburg), so I was like, okay, maybe I could use an "overload" of "cuteness."

Um. EW!! It's more or less a plantation of fodder for snarky blogging, possibly even moreso than familiar targets like The L Train, George W. Bush, and America's Next Top Model. But seriously I'm also not "into animals" because I'm sort of "allergic to them" and "can barely take care of myself let alone another living creature"¹, and this whole website is just photos of "cute" animals. (You say AWWW I saw AHH!!!). So if Justin Timberlake can take SEXY BACK, I can take CUTE BACK.


TOP TEN THINGS THAT ARE CUTE BUT WITHOUT ALL THE OVERLOAD

10. I think it's cute when you plug in someone's ipod and it's "name" shows up on your itunes. Like mine is named Sparky McNanostien, because it's Jewish, like me. In fact, I find ipod-naming SO cute that if you were to comment on this blog and share your ipod's name, I might feel just like the commenters of CO felt about the death of Sparky the Hamster (this is allegedly a pre-death photo, p.s.), which would be to "Send lots and lots of penguin kisses and furry paw kneadles and big bear hugs to you." Yup. REALLY. PENGUIN KISSES, BITCHES.


9. Because I'm 12, Stephanie and I played dress-up in my roommate Maggie's closet last night, at about 2 AM, when we were drunk and Maggie was out of town. Steph kept these socks on the whole time. They might be cuter than these gross 2nd-grade-teacher animal-related socks.


8. As much as I want to hate the entire line of PINK by Victoria's Secret, and as much as I'm bitter that I'm too old to really wear anything from PINK, I think that young ladies wearing Victoria's Secret Pink hoodie/underwear combos are far cuter than women who PUT CATS DOWN THEIR SHIRTS.


7. Normally I'd be ashamed to tell you that I have a huge, neverending, eternal crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and that I think he looks good in a Santa hat. But that was before another human person who calls herself "barbie" wrote "OH MY! What a sweet guinea pig! I want to kiss it's mouth!!!" and I realized that there is no more dignity left in the world. I think JTT has a sexy voice.


6. In my former life, I lived in a condo in the suburbs with wall-to-wall-carpeting and my live-in boyfriend. I drove an SUV, made dinner every night from the Betty Crocker cookbook, and shopped at Wal-Mart and Big Lots. Also, we had a dog named Oscar.
actual conversation, circa December 2002:
My then-boyfriend:Marie, I think you love Oscar more than you love me.
Me:That's probably true.
The first photo I ever took with my ghetto digital camera was, I admit, of Oscar. Because he was my only friend. He was cute. I miss him. He misses me, 'cause after I got the hell out of dodge, Oscar had to go live with my ex at the Phi Sigma Kappa house. You can imagine that.


5.What looks cuter in a Superman outfit, a dog or my ass?


4. Last night we went to see "Short Bus," the new John Cameron Mitchell Film, and y'all should go see it, too! Anyhow, now I have another homosexual man to crush on. He played "Ceth" and he is much cuter than a cat being force-fed to a goddamn flower.


3. This uh--(ferret? weasel? jabberwocky?)--has got nothin' on the fab drinking skills of Krista, Ingrid, and Marie, and plus, we look cute the whole time.

This is what happened to us a few hours later:


2. While we're talking about drinking, I also would like to show how cute my toothy grin is. I know JC hasn't gotten into the BIG-GRIN action yet, but he will. This baby llama has tried to pull it off, but failed, miserably, unlike my friends Haviland and Stephanie (and JC, who will be grinning soon enough!), because we are cuter than llamas.


1. OK. Even my cold, animal-hating heart thinks that this, maybe, kinda, sorta, a little bit....is cute. Monkeys are cute. Jesus. I've been looking at photos of chickadees and cats wearing sweaters and porcupines in cooking bowls for like, two hours. Wanna know a secret? Sometimes I see a puppy and think 'I'd like to have a puppy, as long as it didn't have needs.' Which is also how I feel about people I think.
"some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."
-Kelly Clarkson

¹. Just ask Uncle Bud the Mouse (RIP 1993) and Picky-Pinky the Hamster (RIP 1989), wait, you can't, they're dead.