**It's not actually "free," really, unless you have shady ethics and no qualms with what could technically be categorized as "stealing." But I worked there for like, a million years, and servers only get paid 2.25 an hour so we gotta stick it to the man by having big dinners there with servers who ring up one glass instead of 100 glasses because the server would obviously be my friend too because, like I said, I worked there. P.S. it's Almaden. The stuff that comes in a box. So even "free" is more than anyone ought to pay for it.
Highlights of my Random Birthdays include an overnight trip to the booming tourist spot of Flint, Michigan (the hometown of Michael Moore, who documented Flint's utter despair in 'Roger and Me') in grade 5 (we had buffet dinner at our dilapidated hotel and went to the dilapidated children's museum and ate my favorite food, Astronaut Ice Cream) and a 10pm romp at Oasis Hot Tub Gardens in grade 15 (aka junior year of college) with a boy I stopped dating that same week.
I had this fabulous idea for a quarter-life crisis party where everyone dressed up as what they wanted to be when they grew up---obviously I would be Chris Weber, Ramona Quimby, Nolan Ryan or Shirley Temple, and all the guys would be like, basketball players and firemen and astronauts and the girls would be movie stars or like, pregnant fat ladies with expensive shoes or like, Cher, or whatever it is girls want to be when they grow up. Mostly I just want to see people dressed as astronauts and eat astronaut ice cream.
Then I realized it would only be cool if I had like, 1,000 friends, or could have a co-party with someone cooler than me, or if I was Paris Hilton. Bruce Springsteen and I have the same birthday so that's a possibility, esp. if someone dressed up as Bruce Springsteen. He might not like my theme but he also might totally be into it.
Speaking of September birthdays.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY INGRID GREENFIELD!!!!
some disclaimers have been added, post-initial-post, to the following dialogue:
Hav (who is 25-going-on-12, and very young, fabulous, thin and gorgeous, and, in fact, i'd like to add, looks about 19, though her maturity exceeds her tender years): is ingrid turning 25 or 26?
Me: 25, like me.
Hav: why are you guys so young? (by this she means that for our grade in school, Ingrid and I are very young. In fact we were the youngest members of our class for most of our lives)
Me: because we were child prodigies so we started kindergarten early.
(hav laughs)
Me: I'm serious!
I'd also like to add that all of Haviland's body parts are perky, firm, and full of youth and vigor.
4 comments:
I love how this brief dialogue makes me sound like I'm 68 years old. Seriously, Ris, seriously? Can we have a disclaimer that, while an old soul, I am still young and fabulous? :)
Dearest Child Star,
I've made some changes.
Your Loving Friend,
Aunt Hilda
I was quite intrigued with by the perky-firm body parts and had quite a rant prepared to write up but Geoff here has thoroughly frightened me and I... I... uhhh... damnit Geoffery
I think you should know that every Tuesday in October, house wine is $1.99 a glass. That's $1.99 a glass. I mean...really? And by that I REALLY mean, I am for sure going to sit at the bar and drink house white zin for at least 4 hours. I feel strongly about this: if you're going to trash it up with $1.99 10 oz glasses of wine, you really need to to stick with the theme and drink the white zinfandel, as the chianti and chardonnay are just not quite ridiculous enough)
Interestingly enough, the reason for this spectacular promotion is to celebrate the millionth glass of 10 millionth glass, or whatever. Um, here's the thing: in calculating that, do you think they've taken into account how many glasses employees drank either while they're friends were waiting on them, while hiding behind the to-go counter, or on the front porch of my house on tappan?
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