Tuesday, September 19, 2006

She's Got Similar Features, With Longer Hair


First of all, when I'm not at the agency, Stephen Barbara, AKA Rambo, AKA Mediabistro's HOTTIE IN PUBLISHING, misses me like Bobby Brown misses Whitney. Second of all, he's found a new lesbian (a real one, not a faux-lesbian like me who actually dates boys and is constantly starting sentences/long-winded fables with "so my ex-boyfriend...") to swap sexual innuendo with. And to make out with. In fact, it is fellow hottie in publishing. Apparently, like many high-powered politicians, they were brought together in the heat of a powerful moment and started making out like schoolchildren. See that head twist? Yeah you do.

I mean, Stephen and I never made out or anything. But I can say with 95% confidence that Stephen, like most men, had a vested interest in my sexual activities with females, and I discovered quickly that the only way to catch his roaming attention was:

Me: "Stephen do you want any office supplies from Office Depot?"
Stephen: (silence)
Me: "Stephen, didn't you say that you want manuscript boxes?"
Stephen: "Huh?"
Me: "Office Supplies. Making office supply order. Do you need anything?"
Stephen: (silence)
Me: Stephen, last night I fucked two blondes with fake tits with a ten inch dildo, do you need any manuscript boxes?
Stephen: "Uh, no, just a box of Pilot pens--what was that about the dildo?"

Second to "I'd love to make out with your girlfriend, check out that be-donk-a-donk" (his word, not mine), Stephen frequently expressed a burning desire to hear me say: "Guess what I did last weekend? Devilkitty!"

Speaking of ME, it's my birthday on Saturday. For Stephen's birthday, I purchased him a brand-new copy of the perennial classic "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret?" because I thought it would help him understand the YA market as well as those funny feelings he gets "down there" and his overall yearning and anxiety for More. Hopefully he will get me something also spectacular.

Okay, also, could everyone please make Stephen their myspace friend?

Many of you may know that Stephen had a blog, called Rambo the Agent, which he discontinued because he felt he couldn't talk about the stuff he wanted to talk about on it. Right. I think you can see where I'm going with this.

Also I'd like to mention that, despite his J-Lo Glow evident in these photos, Stephen did not spend Labor Day weekend in Bermuda. He goes to Tanfastic in New Jersey.


The photos are from Rob Hogan, via mediabistro. Holla!

6 comments:

Stephen said...

Sadly, *everything is true in this
post. Except for the 'be-donk-a-donk' part. When have I used *that phrase?

marie lyn bernard said...

um, TO TALK ABOUT ALLISON'S ASS? You totally used that word. I remember, because it scarred me for life.

Stephen said...

You do have a nice ass, babe, but
I didn't want to swell your head with compliments, OK? It's kind of
a philosophy this college professor
I had as a sophomore gave me.

SB: 'So - what's my grade for the
class?'

PROF: A-

SB: A- ... Not 'A'?

PROF: I would have given you an A,
young man, but I didn't want to swell your head!

chelain said...

um, when exactly did you do devilkitty? hehee

marie lyn bernard said...

oh, NOW you comment on my blog, chelain chelain!

i didn't say that i did, i just said he wanted me to. LOL.

marie lyn bernard said...

re: stephen

it was your usage of the word "bedonkadonk" that scarred me, not your evaluation of my ass, dear.

after all, if my treatment of you on this blog can attest anything, it's that i'm a strong believer in not swelling one's head.