Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Whoodie Wednesdays & This Girl Called Automatic Almost-Winner

Hello, friends. I'm in a weird mood today [and by "today" I mean "yesterday," Tuesday, when I wrote this post, not "today" as in Wednesday, when you're reading it]. [I know, how'd I manage to get a Lezzie nomination when I can barely construct a sentence?] I mean everything feels totally off. All day I've been a beast. Anyhow! Speaking of things that are ON: 'cause you're all so amazing at voting, I'm now a finalist for "Best Beast Blog" for The Lezzies. I mean "Best Personal Blog." The other two nominated blogs (Peaches & Coconuts and A Brown Girl Gone Gay) are excellent and newer. I love them both already, they're fresh young muffins of delight. Also whether you want to or not, vote for Grace the Spot for best humor blog and also for Sugarbutch for best Gender-Bender & Short Story/Erotica. Just do it, okay? Just do it. Like you would with a sneaker. Also vote for Auto-Winner Dorothy for Culture & Entertainment.

I should probably edit this blog in the morning like a proper person [UPDATE: Eh.]. You're all wonderful. Have I told you that enough? I haven't, I never could. I think blogs are magic. You've brought magic into my life. Not the rabbit stuff I could already do that.

I feel vulnerable today. I have two choices: beast or gutted.

THIS JUST IN!!! You have one choice: watch Riese & Haviland on Alexi's Closet Episode #17! (Screencap above) In this episode, it appears at times that I almost know what I'm talking about.

I'm ready for my recession to be stimulated. Yes We Can! I've been living this self-created "what I'm doing now is perfect for now but won't be good long-term" life for quite some time now.

You know how it goes with things that were meant to be temporary and then become your whole life. Before you know it, it's been forever, you're stuck in a prologue and you can't get out of it.

Now my/our traditional state of existence has become the National Spirit, now's the time for us all to suck it up for two years, we're told these temporary measures will enable stuff getting better later. I'm down. And though it makes me itchy to think this -- because so many people don't have homes, or credit cards, or any of the wonderful support systems that I have -- my number one feeling about the Recession is that I feel like suddenly now everyone is feeling the way I've felt (alone) for the last two years or so. You know.

Lately I've been fine with putting periods at the end of questions. Maybe I've stopped expecting answers.

Tomorrow I should fix this blog post. I don't know what it is about extra attention that makes me want to talk crazy. By "fix" I mean I should write proper sentences like I went to college.
One thing I like about this "Best Personal Blog" category is that I don't have to compete against people who rely on on external happenings/content to provide post topics. See I have to think of all these things myself. Like how can my navel lint compete with Tank Top Tuesdays or like actual news.

Did you know I've written 463 posts? That's so many. Since April 2006. I was so young then, so full of light and angel food cake. Angel food cake is bullshit cake.

I thought it would be fun/appropriate to celebrate the nomination by asking everyone to tell me something personal they'd want to know about me, but then that seemed so ridiculously self-centered and presumptuous of me, and it seeming that way made me not want to do it. But I still think it's a good idea. Secretly.

I have a strange definition of the word "secret." Stephen Dunn said something like; there's a lie behind every lie I've told. I think.
You know what the hardest thing about writing a personal blog is? That at any given moment absolutely anyone in the whole world you've ever known can make a decision to read as much of it as they want to and consequently email me to let me know they've read it.

There's nothing wrong with this, obvs, but it can be jarring. When someone unexpected does this I have a knee-jerk reaction to go back and look at everything I've ever written to make sure I never wrote something about them or relating to them expecting them to never read.

Any given day -- a boy I slept with in college, an ex girlfriend or boyfriend, a former roommate, relatives close and twice removed, my mother, my cousins, the girl that decided to get all up in my ex's grill, an employer, a co-worker, a former anything, the boy i loved at 13, the girl who loved me too much, the ones that got away, the muses and the dreams, the lost friends of the 90's, the one I envied, the ones who hurt me, those I've forgotten, the famous person I wrote about, the blogger I linked to, the writer I liked, an old teacher, you, you, you, you, you.

It's like imagining if your facebook page really did contain most of your book and a lot of your face and privacy settings were not an option.

I say it's not hard to have it all out there and have my name on it -- not just my name but my face and my everything. I mostly rely on my tendency to ramble to be my main defense from ever really attracting the casual attention of someone only tentatively interested. Anyhow that's what I say but that's not true. It is really hard. But it's not as hard as like, working on a shrimping boat or something. It's hard but it's easier than not saying anything.

I don't think G-d believes in blogs. Do blogs believe in G-d? Time will tell. I tried to do handstands for you, every time I fell on you ...

You know I genuinely think Uh Huh Her is one of my top ten favorite bands of all time. I can't imagine them ever coming out with a song I don't want to listen to. I admit that Tegan & Sara have had like 3 or 4 songs I've really disliked (Freedom, Superstar, The First, Hype -- but they're all earlier songs) so I still think they're 95% likely to make a song I want to listen to every time.
I should do Hoodie Wednesdays instead. If it was Whoodie Wendesdays it would be better actually, then it'd be alliteration like Dorothy's, which would be perfect since she beat me last year and was nominated in like every category this year. I need to show you some photos of critters. Obviously. Critter photo time. Also vote for Dorothy in one of those three categories or more than one, she deserves it.

(this will be the one & only whoodie wednesday, don't get too excited.
I like words not pickshurs.)

Top Critters of the Universe Week


Spencer is cancelled, also has a hoodie on.

Look, I do secretly think dogs are kinda cute.

Babypop Number #1 Critter Hoodie

Tegan or Sara? You decide.
Like a city, but free.

Tasha: should wear more hoodies.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hoodie.

The Beautiful Margaret Cho Hoodie

Teen Preggers Hoodie


Elizabeth said...

1- I know how you feel.
2- I always say my English degree gives me poetic license to do with the language as I please. Fuck question marks.
3- That's Tegan. Fo shizz.

Oz said...

If only Free City were Free...or at least half off...that might help...

Duck said...

These pics make me wonder how their hooded babies will look like.

Anonymous said...

I can absolutely get into hoodie Wednesdays.

I pretend I'm all intellectual, but, really, I just want to see the ladies. It's whatever.

Vikki said...

Imagine one of those "Hang in there" posters with the kitten hanging off the screen door but with cool glasses and a hoodie. Oh and maybe Leisha and Cam standing by the screen door looking hot. That's gotta help.

Bren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bren said...

Given the choice, would you be angel food’s cake or devil’s food cake.

Haviland Stillwell said...

angel food cake for sure. with strawberries!

"Lately I've been fine with putting periods at the end of questions. Maybe I've stopped expecting answers."

One of my favorite Riese-isms, ever.

Anonymous said...

You are super sweet! I'm proud to be in the company of such well written and established blogs! Good luck to you!

Leah said...

I have recently purchased four (4) new hoodies from the company my gf works for, they were really a steal. I. Love. Them. As of late, my job has gotten more lax with our dress (cuz my boss is cool and doesn't care and we work with addicts and they just like our support, they don't care what we wear) and so I rock one, sometimes two, hoodies a day. I say stick with hoodie Wednesday, you know your loyal readers all own one and you could feature their fan pics every week. Maybe once a month> I don't want to sign you up for more work, but it's not like I'm asking you to go work with Bubba on a shrimping boat once a week...

Gosh, I even have 3 hoodie sweaters.

I just watched Alvin and the Chipmunks and then I watched the outtakes and the history of the little critters and this is the first time they've been portrayed in hoodies. Vikki's "Hang in There" kitty made me think of it. Honestly, everyone is cuter in a hoodie.

Anonymous said...

I tried to do handstands for you, every time I fell on you ...

...totally been stuck in my head all day.

laura said...

inexplicably off is not a good feeling.

i second haviland on loving those sentences.

oh bruises..

Anonymous said...

Yesterday was a weird day for sure. Sometimes I google image search for girls in hoodies, usually nothing excellet comes up so I look at that picture of babypop sleeping with littlefoot and one of shane from last season with jenny and it makes me feel better. Even if you stop expecting answers, people still ask questions, maybe it's better this way, cause usually the answers I get just make things worse.

Vashti said...

I'm wearing a hoodie right now. Because it's Wednesday? No. I just wear hoodies everyday. Unless I wear my north face cuz it's too cold for just a sweatshirt.

I write weird comments every time I have some big stressful assignment due in a few hours that I haven't started yet. Today is "I have a chem lab report due at 3 and my printer isn't working" day.


Crystal said...

I think [W]Hoodie Wednesdays should be a keeper.

Since I read this blog last night, all I've been able to think about is the Mad Tea Party ride at Disney. Weird hey.

saint modesto said...

I'd also like to agree with Haviland. It happens to me too, that kind of apathy. I wish it weren't true though, hang in there Riese.

Rachel said...

I never realized this until right now, but I think one thing I am secretly very proud of is that even though my girlfriend-ish-thing and I aren't together-or-whatever anymore, she still wears the hoodie that she bought with me in San Francisco. Hoodies are a big deal.

autumn m said...

uh...i loved alexi's adidas. a lot. just sayin....
and i really feel like hoodies are the best thing ever created by anyone in the entire world. ever.....

Alexi said...

Oh my good lord, if only my VLOG had this many comments right now. LADIES!!!! COME ON!!!!!! It couldn't hurt you. Really.

k thanks ;-)

PS - riese is the best.

Andrés Duque said...

So. How come you are up for a Lezzie and I am not? Sucks! But congrats and adulations.

riese said...

elizabeth: 1. thank you, 2. i'm reading the original scroll of on the road, it's not helping, before that i read eileen myles' novel/memoir and that didn't help either, 3. grazi!

Oz: I've always found that aspect of their stuff to be particularly confusing. Does Free City ever have a sale? Sigh probs not.

Duck: Like this.

burningsteady: Probs you are both an intellectual and someone who likes to see the ladies.

Vikki: I feel like I just read something that referenced one of those posters. Now I'm going to spend all night trying to remember it, I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind, etc.

Bren: Devil's Food Cake. Actually know. Angel Food cake becuase when I eat chocolate I get paranoid about it being stuck in my teeth.

Haviland; I knew you'd chime in about the angel food cake because stryrafoam is your number one food group. Oh and thanksssss!

abrowngirlgonegay: Oh I rememeber when I was young & fresh like you ... you've got a great thing going over there, good luck to you too!

Leah: OoO does your gf work for a sweatshirt factory? I think actually that might be my dream job. That is actually a good idea to have my readers send in their hoodie pictures, that would be amazingly cute. However, I am not sure if stealing a concept from Dorothy is kosher for longer than the run of my current joke ("I am going to do what she does, since she won last year")? I think I have like seven hoodies, but some of them belong to Alex, but she has two of mine, so it's all even

Alvin and the Chipmunks are cuter in hoodies too.

Anonymous: ... ditto.

laura: It's not, but I feel back on today. Sometimes there's nothing to do but go to sleep and then wake up again. Per ush your songs are my favorite songs.

jersey: I spent all night trying to figure out where Dorothy gets such amazing photos from all the time that doens't have pop-ups and stuff. I google image searched for hoodies and got nothing, like pictures of just hoodies, and one or two of paris hilton. where are all the hoodie pictures hiding. i feel like celeb photos are 50% of the internet, yet I have no idea where to find them.

I say we make our own answers, then questions, like jeapordy.

Vashti: I am wearing a hoodie right now too. I wear a hoodie every day of the week. I didn't know that hippies had chem lab. I feel like there was no science at sarah lawrence. just literature and paints.

Crystal: If I do it again I am going to put in a photo of you in a hoodie and then you'll be sorry. that is weird. Probs because of all the rushing around and madness and tea.

saint modesto: I'm hanging in there. I'm used to the ups and downs. I think it's the story of my life.

Rachel: I like that too, for some reason, just knowing every time they put it on they'll be reminded. Like I once had this bra that hooked in the front ... I got that back though. I used to like to give my ex-boyfriend's clothes to new boyfriends. I did that once with a belt. I've gotten way off topic.

autumn m: I love Alexi's adidas too. I think she should let me borrow them. I wonder when the first hoodie was ever invented. I'd like to find that person and make them a star.

Alexi: I know, I don't know what's going on, I feel like all your commenters are busy talking about The L Word. Once everyone calms down then they will be like omg, i love your shoes! and stuff, all over AfterEllen. Or something!

riese said...

Andrès: Next year I think they will make a category for you, and then we can have our collective day in the sun. I'm sure of it.