Part Two of the Sunday Top Ten Gayest Moments of My Life on Earth

This is Part Two of the Top Ten Gayest Moments of my Life on Earth, the pre-quel to "The Top Ten Gayest Moments of my Life in Outer Space," which'll be a lot like "The Muppets go to Outer Space." I'm writing about gay stuff because there's an important election going on right now for the Best LGBT Blog of the year. I'm somehow a finalist along with nine legitimately mega-popular blogs, so it's a huge surprise/honor, and you can pick one of us here, today -- and you can vote again every 24 hours! I haven't got a chance unless LiLo personally endorses me this weekend, but I'm aiming for the stars -- Top 5!!! ALSO! There's gays you must vote for in other categories too -- firstly, 8 Against 8 ringleader Grace the Spot is up for Best New Blog, and I bet you haven't heard of any of those other people, I mean they're new, and who has the time, so you should probs just vote for her.

Honorary GAY A.E Brain is up for Best Australia/New Zealand blog (unfortunately Crystal's favorite blog and new blog bestie Defamer Australia didn't make the list this year), GAY Mombian's goin' at it for Best Large Blog, and BISEXUAL Margaret Cho and OBVS SECRETLY GAY Britney Spears are both on tap for Best Celebrity Blogger.

So the first five on this illustrious Top Ten Gayest Moments of My Life included The Rosie Cruise, Mz Hip 'n Fit New York 2008, my Mom's gay picnics, Melissa Etheridge in Atlantic City and the NewNowNext Awards.

When conducting a two-part Top Ten, I generally blow the best bits on Round One and imagine the second part being written by someone else, a better version of me with better choosing skills, or even a drunker version of me with less self-consciousness. Howevs, I'm so hungover I need a new word for Hungover and therefore it's just memememememe & my little baby mind.

I've had so many Gay Moments, especially these past few years. Even when I was a practicing het, I had a super gay life. I'm thinking big events for this Top Ten, but what about the really big private moments that I'll never talk about for free or the little private moments like the night I decided to finish reading Well of Loneliness after watching Brokeback Mountain and then cried and wanted to kill myself? I didn't though. So. Rawr.

++

I gave "5" to the Indigo Girls @ Pine Knob.

I witnessed many homo-heavy events at the Pine Knob amphitheater in suburban Detroit in the 90's including Lilith Fair, Ani DiFranco, and, on more than one occasion -- the Indigo Girls. The best IG concert I've been to was at the Greek Theater in Berkley, but my gayest IG-related moment was the Summer '02 Pine Knob stop of the "become you" tour. The cheap seats are on the lawn at Pine Knob.

I didn't even know they had a new album out (this would NEVER happen usually, I heart Indigo Girls) 'cause my dumb boyfriend, who was living with me that summer in the lesbian-filled house I'd occupied year-round, refused to listen to anything other than Blink 182 andNewfound Glory. You know that look people give you when you turn on your car and the Indigo Girls blast out? It's like "Did you just shove Emily'sbirkenstock up my ass?" look, the "Are you trying to kill me with blood and fire" look. I just wanna listen to my feeeelings.

My lesbian rugby roommates invited me, it was one of the first times I'd been out w/o my boyfriend in a while. They danced on the grass with bare feet like kids and I sat on the blanket with the hummus and the pita and I quickly identified my initial disgust towards their comfort/fancy-freehood/self-awareness as deep jealousy and then, at that moment, as Amy & Emily sang with acoustic guitar, I honestly thought (ever soinsightfully) to myself: "my boyfriend will never understand me."

See I didn't even know what I was talking about. YET.

++

[from Stef's cartoon recap of the Tegan & Sara concert.
Carly is bleeding from the head.]

But then ... speaking of concerts ... is that even gayer than when Tinkerbell got signed by Leisha & Cam at the Philly Uh Huh Her concert? Is that gayer than the Uh Huh Her concert where a fan with "you dismantle me" tattooed on her arm (it's a JennySchecter quote) bought us a round of lemondrop shots and showed me photos of her dogs and cats on her pink cellphone? Or the SXSW Uh Huh Her experience, like, in general?

Gayer than the Tegan & Sara concert where I tried to tackle Carly and she allegedly almost died but in reality experienced an awesome brush with the supernatural possibility of death?

++

So I give "4" to The White Party - NYC during Pride '06, mostly 'cause it's an excellent example of totally mediocre lesbo-party planning, and an example of things we did in 2006 that we would not do in 2009. I mean, not everyone was wearing white. That was the point. There was a costume of the day, ladies! Costume of the DAY! All white! I remember drama and feelings that we actually for once weren't a part of. A random told us she liked us because we didn't look "like John Goodman," which was sweet.

I was on ecstasy, so I pretty much loved everyone in the world, which is a very gay feeling.

++

For a person who never goes out, I've got a lot of memories of going out. Especially in the beginning of going to gay things. My Mom did that too in the beginning, which was neat, and then I could eatmozzarella sticks for dinner.

++

According to Cait & Hav, my first visit to morally decrepit West Hollywood girl-bar (night?) "Truck Stop" (during our 3. West Hollywood Weekend) is the first time in my life that, when asked "are you ready to go home?" I was like, "Nah, I'll stay." I ALWAYS am on Team Let's Go Home Now. I vaguely remember this. I was drunkish and having a good conversation about how hard it was to even think about being gay at U-Mich with a friend-of-a-friend from U-Mich who's now my friend and also Haviland's friend 'cause this is the way that we live.

Truck Stop was totally disgusting but I had to stay like how I have to watch Intervention. Nearly naked girls did coreographed dances on the bar in bikinis. Ideally I'll never go there again, but realistically I probs will, because I love trucks.

The next night, in true form, I busted the OurChart-sponsored Lesbian Oil Wrestling event way early. Why? 'Cause I was ethically opposed to how The L Word stole this concept from a legitimately empowering Brooklyn-based event (the original focused on political satire and creating a safe space for women of all body types, classes and colors to play and fight) and turned it into a glossy sexy skinny white girls teevee-tied-in lesbian event. Other versions of this story claim I left the event early because I'm a bitch and/or cranky and/or impossible and/or unable to just have fun and be silly.Whatevs. Gay!

But really anytime you're in a room with Catherine Keener, Ilene Chaiken, Angela Robinson and Clementine Ford ... that's pretty gay. Like I could feel Ilene breathing (firetorches!!!).

++

But how ridiculous, right? I mean, being gay isn't about half-naked celesbians rolling around in hot oil. It's about being denied civil rights! YEAH!

So the 2. No on Prop 8 Rally deserves a shout-out. My gayest moment w/r/t the election was fo'sho the 8 Against 8 thing, but if I started including cyber-moments, it'd get out of control. The rally felt a little disjointed, but still -- it was something to be a part of, besides just screaming into machines, which is so much easier. To chant & yell with signs in public and physically feel the community, and about something important and unifying, is the most important gay moment of all.

Thinking about Prop 8 makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Owsers.

++

But then my original number 2 in Draft #1 was our 1999 trip to the River Run B &B (now under new ownership)

Ryan & I brilliantly chose a random B&B in the Catskills to get away from Sarah Lawrence for a weekend. The bus driver dropped us off and said we'd be miserable here without a car, even offered to take us elsewhere for free, but we'd already paid. It was a ghost town, just one Mexican restaurant, La Chacha or something, boarded-up houses and this particular B&B. Larry the owner concurred -- "if you'd told me you didn't have a car, I would've said not to stay here" -- as he gave us the house tour. I noticed the rainbow flag out back. Ryan (gay) didn't.

Breakfast confirmed my suspicions. So! Many! Gay! Couples! I was totes pursuing straighthood at the time, but I was the one who picked up on Larry's drop of "they're family" when speaking of certain snow-shoe-trail-blazing-mountain-hiking-leading-guiding-stores and far-away restaurants and subsequently pointed out to Ryan that in our attempt to avoid our friends' Fire Island weekend ("too gay"), we'd accidentally booked ourselves a weekend at a Gay B&B in the middle of assfuck nowhere, which is the gayest shit ever.

(we read books and wrote all weekend, it was perfect.) (gay!)

++

See, I don't like to go out. I like to have little gay moments right here in my room.

Last night I had a bunch of people over for The L Word premiere (we watch it ahead of time to ensure timely recaps) and two separate people said, upon entering my room (they'd never been in); "so this is where the magic happens." Really what magic. Besides the rabbit in the hat thing. If there is magic in this room I need to find it stat. I cleaned yesterday so I feel like it should've turned up then. Guess what I'm listening to? Tegan & Sara. Where's my wings.

The past two years have been chock-full of gay moments. Honestly when I started this blog, I never expected to one day fit quite accurately into this particular category. But maybe I never really considered, at that point, living the life I actually wanted to live, either.

Obvs I Cannot Leave the Apartment Again Until December at the earliest

So many things happening! Firstly, Carly's interview with Tinkerbell's favorite band Uh Huh Her is on Logo's NewNowNextMusic, watch it! Secondly, anyone who read Autowin back in the day may remember Rambo, my go-to het before [I stopped working at the lit agency and became an underperforming client of the agency instead and] Lozo came into my life. Rambo -- "Stephen" if you're nasty -- does Publishers Weekly's Soapbox this week and he mentions the Query Letter Drinking Game that Cameron and I wrote, and that makes me happy. Read it!

Thirdly, BIG weekend for me w/r/t leaving the apartment.

1) The Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party ! [photo of A;ex and I at the party, left, from calendar photographer Stacie Joy ]

I hear a lot of fun things happened at this party. Photographs suggest strippers, snacks, signings, and general revelry. I remember having a conversation with the good ppl from njoy.com -- they sponsored our calendar and sell a variety of delightful sexual toys on their superhot website -- and that they very gamely entertained my attempts at self-deprecation when I told them that although I hadn't yet plugged them and their fabulousness yet, I totally would, but that they shouldn't stress 'cause all my readers are poor and don't like sex. See, I thought that was funny at the time.

As I've mentioned about 500 times, I'm not exactly "outgoing," so when you combine my personality with "very very drunk" and "my BFF from Los Angeles just flew in yesterday and is here!" and even a guest appearance by LOZO and one of the random Jewish boys he carts around with him -- I apparently managed to ensconse myself into my own little world so thoroughly that the only person who asked me to sign their calendar is also in the calendar.

Maybe I was not recognized sans wig. Maybe I radiate hostility. You never know! When she asked me, I think I said something retarded about myself, like "that's not me," or 'I'm a virgin," or ... really it's all a big blur in my head 'til the part when we were at a diner w/Haviland, A;ex and A;ex's friend Colleen eating grilled cheese and french fries, a meal I probs should've consumed about five hours earlier.

I also recall chatting with my friends Morgan and Diane, seeing Caitlin Mae in a stewardess outfit, calling my Mom (deathiversary day), listening to a voice mail from my Grandma that made me cry and I had to step outside (thank G-d for Haviland obvs), and some woman telling us we couldn't sit at the Raffle table and the eternally kick-ass Jayme Waxman being like "whatevs, I am Wonder Woman, they can sit wherevs they want."

ANYHOW! The party was awesome, ladies got nekkid, the calendar is hot, Buy one! 100% of the proceeds go to Sex Work Awareness.

2) No on Prop 8 Rally!

Over 10,000 people came to this giant gathering of homosexual love at City Hall on november 15th, 2008, to protest the passing of Prop 8, and obvs A;ex, Haviland and I were among them. There's lots of reasons that a person might wish they were a bird. One of those is when you wanna know how big a protest is or where those voices are coming from. We discovered the latter when we chose to leave the masses to get a latte and find Carly, which's also when we realized how HUGE it was. An amazing inspirational mass of people who've come together for this cause and believe in it. We believe in it enough to come together all over the country for California.

This is serious, y'all, the times they are a'changin'. The intolerant people are gonna have to move to deserted islands, apparently there are lots of deserted islands all over the world, according to A;ex, this came up in a conversation about how I think I know everything but I don't. Allegedly.

Although I would've preferred the Dazzle Dancers performing for us as well as some Mormons to yell at directly, I tried to summon all the revolutionary spirit of my ancestors and yell at the choir just the same. Kim Stolz actually rocked the mike and I'm not just saying that 'cause I fancy her, and the signs obvs were amazing as I'm sure you've read. We didn't have a sign because we overslept (see: Sex Bloggers Party) and arrived fully prepared for a rainshower.

I just hope that we can make something happen, obvs, I heart the cause.

I mean everyone should marry who they want to, and anyone who disagrees with me --- well, I hate you. If you voted Yes on Prop 8, I'm sorry, I just hate you!

Auto-Fun of the Brand New Bright Beautiful Day: 11-7-2008

Good Morning America! Welcome to the rest of your life! GOBAMA! The "No on 8" fight continued in full force after election day, and Haviland's been giving me reports of really inspirational crowds at recent West Hollywood rallies ... howevs, prospects remain dim ... way dimmer, actually. I don't mean to sound like I'm at Kentucky Fried Chicken with my Mom in 1987 throwing a tantrum 'cause she'll only let me have mashed potatoes OR french fries rather than both, but I feel saddened that Obama's triumphant victory has been slightly overshadowed by this heartbreaking loss. I hate everyone! JK, I love Tinkerbell and Sasha Obama.

YES WE CAN! Except ... the publishing industry (that's mine, hypothetically) is tanking. Job cuts at Time, Rodale, Hearst, The New York Times, McGraw-Hill, the L.A. Times, and Conde Nast. Magazines keep folding like paper planes, sigh. Probs not the best time to start my own.

Speaking of the art of losing, my leg has remained the same, looking as if my leg dressed up as Frankenstien for Halloween and forgot to take off the costume. But I discovered it's a fantastic opportunity to play with photobooth.

---

quote: "Basically, I realized, I was living in that awful stage of life from the age of twenty-six to thirty-seven known as stupidity. It's when you don't know anything, not even as much as you did when you were younger, and you don't even have philosophy about all the things you don't know, the way you did when you were younger, and you don't even have a philosophy about all the things you didn't know, the way you did when you were twenty or would again when you were thirty-eight -- Nonetheless you tried things out: "love is the cultural exchange program of futility and eroticism." I said.

And Eleanor would say, "Oh how cynical can you get," meaning not nearly cynical enough. I had made it sound dreadful but somehow fair, like a sleepaway camp. "Being in love with Gerard is like sleeping in the middle of the freeway," I tried.

"Thatta girl," said Eleanor. "Much better."
[from Anagrams, by Lorrie Moore]

---

Links:
1. Hello, Rachel on the cover of The Advocate! Rachel Maddow is the Smartest Person in TV [@the advocate]
2. Looks like getting drunk and making out is no longer as compelling as feeling feelings!: The Real World: Brooklyn - TOTALLY EMO. Feelings are the new Friday. [@gawker]
3. First Person Plural - we all contain multiple selves with different desires, fighting for control. ta-da! [@the atlantic]
4. Philadelphia - How it Was Done [@n+1]
5. The 20 Greatest Campaign Ads of All Time (@nerve)
6. "Historic moments call for historical front pages and historic headlines. Yet not all of them are as successful as they would like to be." Newspaper Front Pages Proclaim Obama Victory [@the font feed]
7. Speaking of the audacity of hope ... this NPR podcast "Going Big" [@thisamericanlife.org] about Geoffery Canada and the Harlem Children's Zone, was, like the book about it discussed in this article (from @a_ex): "Poverty and the Brain" [@brain and behavior], one of the "most bracing, sobering and inspiring" podcasts I've listened to in a while. Geoffery Canada's Harlem Children's Zone changes the lives of thousands of Harlem children with a revolutionary plan that utilizes new social work and educational concepts to fix poverty culture itself and the cyclical way of life that ensures its continued existence. He take into account "how our brain is changed by the details of our upbringing" -- like, for example -- the number of words per day that middle-class children hear from their parents, etc. It's a good example of how we truly can work to move forward in this country from the ground up.
8. The Polling Place Photo Project (from @abartleby) [@nytimes]
9. FINALLY! An interview with the man himself, Bill Ayers [@newyorker]
10. Really I feel like media should stop declaring the death of other media all the time. Let's talk about puppies or something. Can The Daily Show survive a Barack presidency? [@nymag]
11. Does Religion Make You Nice? Does Atheism Make You Mean? [@slate]
12. Lonely Together. [@the age au]

what we write about when we write electron blue & 8against8 contest results

[picture = barnaby ward]

[Results of the 8 against 8 contest in a video at the end of the post, for SON recap click HERE.]

So anyhow, back to memememe and my feelings. Much like the Dow Jones Industrial Whatzit, my feelings go up and down. Not that I understand, even abstractly, what the eff the Dow Jones actually IS, but my feelings about feelings are perhaps also quite conceptual -- they've got something to do with chemicals or the imbalance thereof, they fluctuate hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute, and are subject to massive drops and/or gigantic sky-charging leaps at any unexpected juncture.

Some humans choose to regulate these involuntary emotional fluctuations via the drink or the blow but ultimately these things kill you and/or ruin your life [and consequently lead you to Intervention, the best/worst show of all time]. So in lieu of smoking or xanaxing ourselves into rock bottom, we do the next best thing to get us through today which is making BIG plans for tomorrow! And what better time to make big plans for tomorrow than RIGHT NOW, this amazing moment in our nation's history when we've been assured & reassured that today is not gonna rock at all whatsoever.

So I've had a few ideas. I have these ideas all over the place, who knows where ideas come from, they just appear. I jot them down in my notebook. I have about 5-10 notebooks. Tomorrow I will get organized and consolodate my thoughts into less notebooks, obvs. (no I won't! i never will!)


In the interest of sharing with the group, I have transcribed below my collected notes more or less. one item is re-written from one page with variations, you'll see what I mean.

Autowin's Colossal Notes on Life:

- Ppl will return to roots, live in trees, etc., grow vegetables in the garden. will unite humanity, hope = seeds/soil.
humans not intended for such evolved desire, intended to hunt and gather (boring?) (what did artists do?)

- I should do national novel writing month i mean why not.
must totally restructure life, take self seriously
make schedule stick to it
SERIOUSLY

- unified by collective lack-of-wealth
a lot of sales at american eagle

- eventually things will become cheaper, like vacation
books, love

-things that give me hope: The West Wing, raspberries (raspberries are perfect - right? they are the perfect berry. if we can grow raspberries, we can do hope too)

- i totes heart rock bottom, it's where we finally meat each other

- universal problems --> universal understanding --> revolution?

- why do we always have to be the ones to move? why can't the republicans move ? where? they need a country (alaska? if rachel moves to nyc?)

- things that give me hope: The West Wing, raspberries, the cruise, poetry

- 1998: smoking w/krista in motel, reading southern lit out loud, coffee, cigarettes, pancakes, fudge, listening to ani like we meant it.
-2008: guitars seem too earnest

- the past keeps getting farther away, chronologically,
but closer and closer, emotionally, maybe i should've paid attention at the time

-things that give me hope: The West Wing, raspberries, the cruise, poetry, the fact that after all these years i still think ani difranco probs said it best, dancing, toast

-eyebrow wax has been on my todo list like every day

-why do i have so many friends who think that i have too many thoughts per day? they should try to keep up! we can have a race like odyssey of the mind.

-ladies and gentleman, the fabulous stain removers

--things that give me hope: The West Wing, raspberries, the cruise, poetry, the fact that after all these years i still think ani difranco probs said it best, dancing, toast, obama, perfect pens

-writers should go on strike -- no more writing for free
then what will everyone read?
perez?
i mean REAL WORDS

-goal: make new room represent a more organized, streamlined mentality

-find projects to pursue & use the pieces as blog posts -- see my drafts, give feedback. and "professional" feedback?

-i just need to write a novel next month. that will make everything better.

--things that give me hope: The West Wing, raspberries, the cruise, poetry, the fact that after all these years i still think ani difranco probs said it best, dancing, toast, obama, perfect pens, perfect books, purposeful pointlessness, alliteration.

++
It's hard to focus on more than what's in front of you
Electron Blue
Tomorrow's gaining speed on you
It's all you want to do, you,
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue

(R.E.M., Electron Blue)
++

Who won that 8against8 contest? Well, everyone who sent a photo or forwarded me proof of their donation to Equality California was entered in a drawing, which was held this afternoon at approximately 3:45 P.M., in my apartment [a.k.a. Haviland's apartment that I'm staying in for one more day] while A;ex should've been working, but needed to swing by to get this bright blue headband I'd borrowed. Very important. Then I made her do this.

Prizes:
1. Best of "Good Dyke Porn" DVD, courtesy of Bren, who donated it to the cause! There's a hot photo to the left of my window now 'cause I opened her window in a new window. That's the magic of Firefox and eyesight.
2. (2) copies of The L Word Season Five DVD Set. [I'll be giving away more copies soon, with a full promotion/contest thing]
3. (2) copies of Auto-Insomnia 'Zine #1.

Here we are, let's see who the big winners are. Unfortunately no stuffed animals or small children won prizes, then I could've gift-wrapped. Email me with your address if you've won and I will mail it to you sometime in the near future probably.

auto-fun of 10-29: if the elephants have past lives, but are destined to always remember

Thanks to everyone who supported 8 Against 8, we raised $13,579!!!. Later this week I'll try to wrap up some photogenic people to draw names out of a hat and bestow your stuffed animal with the good dyke porn or bad lesbian melodrama or superior top-grade insomnia poetry it deserves. Blogrolling is still down. Anyone know anything about this?

So anyhow, normally on Wednesdays I go to therapy, but then my therapist got knocked up by her husband approximately nine months ago, which really screws up my little Wednesday East Midtown therapy field trip routine which is detailed and includes very specific stops for location-specific snacks, coffee and magazines. I miss those snacks. Since my therapist refuses to disclose what borough she lives in, I'm just gonna have to keep my feelings to myself 'til she gets this kid out, goes through the depression and yoga stuff that comes afterwards and then gets back to work. Our next appointment is in February, just a warning for everyone. Who will be here during the Seasonally Depressive Months to try and convince me to stop cavorting with crazy people? NO ONE! Ha-ha! Let the games begin!

TALK ME DOWN people -- all the democrats I know who've registered for absentee ballots have encountered troubles receiving them. E.g., me. I called the Sec o' State and consequently the C-to-the-ity Clerk today to ask where the F my ballot is, and she said there was nothing in the system indicating that I'd applied for one.

She then read my New York City address to me -- yes, the address I've had for only three weeks which has only been submitted to any kind of formal governing body on ONE form (since I'm only living here for a month, I haven't changed my address on anything official yet) THE REGISTRATION & APPLICATION FORM I SENT TO THE CITY CLERK that she was claiming I never sent them. I tried to explain it but I may as well have been talking to an outsourced Indian. Ultimately this involved going to kinkos in the rain to use a fax machine to get them my form AGAIN. I don't believe in fax machines, FYI. They make me nervous.

So tomorrow night is Obama's commercial, I hope it involves Powerpoint and a musical number. How sweet would that be? If he brought the "vote however you like" kids on? or Bruce Springstein? I hope it's not boring. Then he's gonna be on The Daily Show, interviewed by Rachel Maddow on Thursday, and on SNL on Saturday. Basically Obama's week is like that one week in May when I had Tegan & Sara, Uh Huh Her and the NewNowNext awards. After that I didn't go out again for like many months. I still haven't. I hope he has lots of outfits.

I feel like every media company is laying off everyone these days. I'm VERY unhappy about Radar. Like EVERYONE! I'm nervous next week New York Magazine or Bust will go under and then I'll have nothing to read at the gym. I started talking crazy to Alex the other day about how I think now is the time for a revolutionary voice to come forward and change the face of online magazines with something fresh and radical and that someone should be ME! and she was like why don't we go to Target to get a sofa slipcover instead? So we did.

---

Quote: "And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual. This is what I am and what I am about. I can understand why a system built on a pattern must try to destroy the free mind, for it is the one thing which can by inspection destroy such a system. Surely I can understand this, and I hate it and I will fight against it to preserve the one thing that separates us from the uncreative beasts. If the glory can be killed, we are lost." (John Steinback, East of Eden)

---

Links:
1. My "please read this one" of the day -- Red Sex, Blue Sex, which investigates the radically different perspectives on teenage pregnancy and premaritial sex, beginning with this observation regarding Palin's child's child -- "Social liberals in the country’s “blue states” tend to support sex education and are not particularly troubled by the idea that many teen-agers have sex before marriage, but would regard a teen-age daughter’s pregnancy as devastating news. And the social conservatives in “red states” generally advocate abstinence-only education and denounce sex before marriage, but are relatively unruffled if a teen-ager becomes pregnant, as long as she doesn’t choose to have an abortion." (@the new yorker)
2. David Carr (who wrote Night of the Gun, which I just read, which was awesome) about how old media's decline will affect the quality of the news and reporting we read: The Media Equation. (@nytimes)
3. Where are the books by women with big ideas? (@the guardian)
4. A rather illuminating perspective from an independent voter on why she can't vote for McCain : anti-intellectualism (@slate.com)
5. Cause Celeb: an interview with Andy Warhol's Favorite Photographer by blogger kat Rosenfield of pink india ink. (@interiors magazine)
6. Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Fidelity -- everyone's cheating, is anyone telling researchers the truth? (@nytimes)
7. 30 Designers, 30 Reasons: "We enlisted 30 graphic designers to create a poster that represents a reason to vote for Obama. Starting on the October 5th, we will post a new poster online every day and email it to our list. Recipients can easily share the email with other supporters and friends who are undecided."
8. The financial crisis is killing B'way, five top shows announce plans to close. (@the independent uk)
9. The story of "how the financial crisis ruined my love life" when she meets a man who claims responsibility for it. She had me at "I don't know about money. I don't care about money. I'm not trying to be cool; this is not some posture. The acquisition of wealth is genuinely disinteresting to me, perhaps because I have never been (or been related to) someone who managed to pull it off. The acquisition of wealth is so genuinely disinteresting to me that I owe the U.S. government a cool $30,000 in back taxes ... I have four credit cards, nearly every one of them maxed out at a colossal twenty-seven percent interest rate," and the rest of it was pretty perfec too. Up in Smoke (@nerve.com)
10. Bookslut's Indie Heartthrob Series interviews Phoebe Gloeckner about her contribution to Mia Kirshner's book I Live Here, which I am currently reading.

[cristiana couceiro]

Insomnia Poem #17

sometimes i feel like
after dinner's been eaten
it's all downhill

hours hours everywhere
and not a spot to eat
hunger is defeat

sometimes i wish
i could just lie on the couch
gulit-free, like candy used to be
read magazines
eat dried apple rings
watch the office on my laptop
eat cereal out of the box
all ambition outfoxed

i like the word supper
and the songs for it
i like something sweet after supper
i get sleepy now that i'm off the uppers
but i still can't sleep
and i'm still tired.

if there is no toast in my immediate future
i really should be sleeping.

8 Against 8 : You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Hello! Welcome to the last day of 8 Against 8, which's what happens when 8 gay ladies stop being polite and start saving the rainforest. Over the last week we've gotten My So-Called Life back on the air, become eight less by curing cervical cancer, gotten the word out about fedoras, fed & clothed a million skinny naked ladies at the gym and raised nearly $12,470 to support the No on Proposition 8 efforts. (!!!!) In honor of our last day, I have a lot of feelings, which you'll read if you get past this paragraph and so forth.

It's been tough keeping up on everything -- like the bajillion emails from people doing super-awesome things related to the campaign -- so I apologize if anyone's asked for a shout-out and hasn't gotten it ... YET! I'll try to work you in later. Like "OMG, so I have these feelings about myself, watch this video about no on 8," etc. I feel like I'm due for a mental breakdown, which's primo advertising placement, let me tell you. All I need is for that woman to come back and start a fight and/or poetry slam with me in the comments, traffic will skyrocket.

Who's hot today? Besides Laura and Maggie, who are hot every day:

(L to R, row-by-row:

a;ex vega, carly, rachel,
natalie, haviland, riese,
vashti, stef, tinkerbell,
marlene , suzanna, eric
krista, rebecca, autumn,
laura, ms. jackson, jack,
renee, milly & georgia of lesbilicious uk, gemma,
asher, liz, crystal,
allie, lynn, razia
poncho, erin, couch,
sinclair sexsmith, meghan, maggie
caitlinmae, littlefoot, ewok
raye, rachel, a.k,
lieutenant teddy, judith, judith
samantha.)
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Okay so let's get down to business:

1. This is your last chance to WIN! a copy of The L Word Season Five on DVD by sending me your photo for the No-on-8 quilt or donating [actually, it's totally not. I've got several more copies that could come your way over the next few weeks for other reasons, TBA]. You know, The L Word? Returning to DVD with THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON on October 21st in a collectible 4-disc set, including all 12 dramatic and deliciously provocative Fifth season episodes from Showtime's successful long-running series featuring all of the beauty, chaos and complexities of a group of women who inhabit Los Angeles's lesbian community plus behind-the-scenes special features? [That's what I'm supposed to say, right? I'm really good at PR.]

2. Or you can win other things.

3. This is your last chance to WIN! for doing something that will benefit the entire world. Future chances to win will be more self-serving.

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8 Reasons - 8 Against 8 - Why No on 8?

8. Because ultimately it's about freedom -- Prop 8 asks the state if there's still a case to be made for hope and consequently, for America's founding principles.

America's an idea, a philosophy, an evolving social experiment that now has a chance to begin again. We have a chance on November 4th to choose a new, hopeful and dramatic path that would make our ancestors proud.

The thesis of our path: Love & Equality will Save Us All. We've gone dangerously retro lately, despite the fact that those who've earned a voice (a.k.a. the "liberal media elite") clamor for a return to our initial philosophy: celebrate diversity, do not prosecute deviants. Because if you haven't hurt anyone on purpose, I believe your life is inherently legal.

7. Because until I heard Obama's '04 Convention speech, I believed only one America remained possible: a business, a military superpower on its last lap, a theocracy. Because we're at a turning point. This election will determine if America's a theocracy or something else. "Something else" = land of the free, home of the brave. Home of the tolerant.

6. Because although I don't understand -- and I cannot relate -- to the Yes on 8 folks, and I think they're wrong, stupid and unevolved, I am willing to share this land with them on principle. I mean -- I don't believe in a G-d that denies happiness or judges anyone on anything besides these two simple questions: Are you an asshat? Do you kill or hurt? etc. That's all that matters. Beyond that it's technicalities, tricky scriptures that direct repression and suppression of desire. I believe in desire.

 I believe in pleasure and the inherent goodness of everything a person does with pure intent -- anything a person does out of desire to make the world a better place and to not hurt anyone else in the proccess. Because what better place to live in than a place of fulfilled desire, a place where hope, ambition, pleasure and honesty can thrive?

Because I'm willing to accept the existence of the Yes on 8 Parade in exchange for their acceptance of me. I'm offended by their intolerance, disgust, and condemnation, but I'll accept it. They can lock me out of their churches, but they cannot -- THEY WILL NOT -- ask the government to follow the example of their churches. That's not the G-d I worship or pray to and that's not the government that I auto-be governed by.

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5. Because relationships are messy, the fallout's complicated. We lose so much (our money, our minds), the art of losing is inevitable to master, and life is complicated and sometimes divorce's clean, rational proceedings are an unexpected blessing in the wake of messy, complicated breakups. 'Cause if straight people get shotgun weddings, I want them too. 'Cause the temporary insanity that befalls two people already prone to rash, unwise decisions and leads them to marry suddenly and against better judgment -- those are often precisely the relationships that need the legal protection provided by breaking up legally.

'Cause when my friends said if I didn't at least call the police they would -- and I did -- and the police came and they read & listened & told me, "We're all gonna die. She didn't say she was going to kill you soon. She said you were going to DIE soon." Which was well & good 'til they asked, how do you know her, and I said, she was my girlfriend and they rolled their eyes so far to the back of their heads I thought they'd never come back my way. They'd never look at me the same again and they didn't. They said anyone could've written those emails. [ha!] and as this conversation went on I wanted to pummel both of these cops with the strength of a million men, the kind of legitimacy granted by the heterosexual union, but no, certainly I knew by now that it's easy to look at two girls together and think it's just playtime sleepover, without power dynamics and rings there could be no crime.

4. Because marriage is the first step towards being considered legitimate at all, because it'll get a ball rolling that one day could land in our court. Same-sex domestic abuse is chronically unreported. Victims feel they are not taken seriously. This is true. I just tried to type a sentence about how things may have gone differently if she'd been male but it made my stomach hurt so I stopped.

Because when the shit hits the fan so many GLBT people are left on the floor, staring at the ceiling fan, amazed at how easy it was to lose it all. Shit.

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3. Because I want to be proud of America! Because it's embarrassing to be on this team right now.

Because I want America to be Team Honest, where people come clean and get rings and dresses for it.

2. Because we're so Behind

We're the only industrialized wealthy democratic nation to criminalize prostitution and aggressively prosecute sex workers (and don't confuse willing sex workers with sex trafficking and sex slavery -- that's a whole different ballgame. That's like comparing people who run factories to people who run sweatshops, it's just not relevant to discuss side to side, even if it's the same work being done).

'Cause we're talking logic here people. The same kind of logic that says if we don't pay for everyone to get educated, we'll pay for them to go to prison and/or rehab later. If we don't pay for everyone to get healthcare, we'll pay for the emergency room bills they never pay themselves. 'Cause it's logical to losen up the laws that are based on church-originated views of sexuality -- whether it be prostitution, abortion, sex ed or gay marriage -- and get logical. Sex work (like abortion) happens whether its legal or not, and regardless of how you feel about it or your church feels about it, it's a proven fact that sex workers are safer when their industry is regulated & subjected to health checks & they aren't afraid to go to the police when they're raped or hurt.

It's time we get free.

Everyone else is giving universal healthcare and everyone else is giving gay marriage and

wtf America
this was supposed to be YOUR GAME.
wtf, America,
live up to your fucking potential, you asshole.
be freedom.
create a country where everyone is allowed to do what they want, SEPARATE CHURCH AND STATE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
wtf, america, stop being a douchebag.
you've been talking shit for years about how you want the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free ... and you've become a church-state, which's so lame.

Because the past eight years have seen us lose our freedom of speech -- the very thing that set us apart from the oppressive regimes our parents' parents came here to escape.

1. Because if you want to immigrate to this country to be with the one you love and you are gay, you cannot.

Because that is discrimination, plain and simple.

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18.
"Imagine all the people, sharing all the world."
-John Lennon, "Imagine."

Because if you respected my opinion that much, you wouldn't make it illegal. Because it's about time we do something revolutionary. It's been centuries since we threw the tea off the boat and what have we done since then? What have we got to show for ourselves now? Are we ahead of the game anywhere?

Because you can hate me and hate what I want with the fury of a thousand suns but you live here, with me, in this ridiculous yet oddly beautiful country, and so you're gonna have to just let me have this one.

Right-wing Yes-on-8 America, take one for the team. Team Freedom. I'm not being sarcastic this time. Thank you Ms. Jackson, I am for real. Imagine the flags blazing, Little Edie style, imagine the fireworks and Born in the USA and a landscape suited for conflict and division and hatred but simultaneously a landscape that gives us the space and the permission to diffuse all that and live life in peace. Where there is tolerance, and absence of judgment, a love will inevitably follow and that love ... is worth the struggle. Worth the letting go.

We have a chance, you guys. We have a chance to turn this all around. I've not learned much in my life from the government of these united States but I've learned this: 1. money is the stupidest thing ever, 2. war is retarded, 3. hope is sexy and 4. sex is hopeful.

Let's yearn, kids. Let's roam free with all our division and religion and misguided pretentious self-serving ideals. Let's let everyone do what they want with their lives and not tell other people what they can or cannot do. 'Cause this is America, yeah? We're Pilgrims and "Indians," ready for dinner?

I mean can you imagine if on November 4th we give IDEALS a bailout package? What I'm saying is no matter what crashes or breaks or shatters to never ever be fixed again, I hope this is a country where we can afford to dream. I hope we become that dream, outrageously little and better late than never and shimmering where it's shattered, glossy as glue.

[Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon at their wedding June 16th, 2008.]
Del Martin died in August at the age of 87.
An activist, Del fought for gay rights all her life,
and was finally able to marry her partner after 55 years together.
See: above.
+
donate.

This post is now in VIDEO!!! No on 8 PSA by Hav & Riese, Semi-Automatic Fun of Day 4 of 8 Against 8 and the first day of the rest of your life!

[Quick question: know any good websites to find cheap & interesting furniture? comment, let me know.] WE MADE A VIDEO PSA FOR 8 AGAINST 8 watch it now thanks.


Once the election is over, I'm gonna have to figure out what the F I'm doing with my life, but 'til then -- there's some good news! We've already surpassed the $8,000 goal for 8 Against 8 (!!!!), but the fight is far from over. We're continuing to fundraise through October 27th, which means you've still got plenty of time to donate money and/or give me your g-dforsaken photograph and therefore possibly win a copy of The L Word Season Five on DVD, an invigorating television series about what happens when people stop getting married and start getting "real." You can also win a DVD of Good Dyke Porn. Don't say I don't treat you right.

Check out this new video Vote No on 8 from the Feminist Majority Foundation -- Caroline & Heather are in it, and so is Rickie Vasquez/Wilson Cruz (you may remember all these kids from our NewNowNext awards videos) and the girl from Grey's Anatomy and Haviland's No.1 feeling Amy Brenneman.

These efforts and many like them are the reason why at least one "new statewide survey released by the Public Policy Institute of California (PPIC) with funding from The James Irvine Foundation (PDF) has found that Prop 8 is now losing among likely voters, 52 percent to 44 percent." (@pam's house blend). As we learned through the AP's "Obama-McCain race is tightening" post yesterday, though, polls can be totally off base. We've also gotten press from SheWired, feministing, Nerve.com, The L Word Online, Pandagon, Gay Wired, Lavender Newswire, afterellen (obvs), Bilerco Project, Good as You, etc. I've also noticed a lot of y'all linking to us and it warms my heart every time. If you haven't already, do it now!

So please donate, please fight, and please indulge in a little vanity for me. (most recent 8 on 8 photo is always visible in the most recent 8 on 8 post)

So, remember -- if you donate, or if you send me a photo for the No-on-8 Quilt, you'll be entered in a drawing to win any of the following prizes:

1. A copy of The L Word Season Five on DVD (2 sets to give out)
2. A copy of The Best of Good Dyke Porn DVD (1 set)
3. Auto-Insomnia 'Zine #1 (2)
4. Auto-Gear of your choice (check the store page to see if your size is in stock)

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Auto-Fun time!.

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Quote: "I remember thinking; 'This is the beginning of happiness.' That's what I thought. 'So this is the feeling. This is where it starts. And of course there'll always be more.' It never occurred to me: it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment, right then." (The Hours: the screenplay, by David Hare)

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Links:
1. The best thing I've read this week: Why I Blog by Andrew Sullivan (@the atlantic monthly)
2. Dating advice from Sarah Palin impersonators (includes Sara Benicasa!!) (@nerve.com)
3. Hip Young People Hating Gay Marriage (@radar online)
4. My agent represents Brian Slattery -- I remember reading the proof of Spaceman Blues and literally being blown away by the first few pages (it's so rare that such excellent work will arrive on an agent's desk from a new writer). Here's an exclusive interview about his new book Liberation, a link to a free electronic version of SB. (@mediabistro)
5. Apparently the glut of crap free online writing will lessen in the new economy. Maybe someone will pay me someday for something. (@internet evolution)
6. The Insiders: How John McCain came to pick Sarah Palin. [it wasn't such a surprise after all] (@the new yorker)
7. The Future of Words, by Dave Eggers -- it's from September, but I just read it, and I like it. (@esquire)
8. itube: Why 23, 201 people care that Justine Exarik just ate a cookie, by emily gould. (@technology review)
9. The Look is the Same, the Labels Have Changed: on Sarah Palin's makeover. (@nytimes)
10. The American Dream is a Biological Impossiblity. (@wired)
11. Seven Biggest Blunders of the 2008 election. (@salon)

8 Against 8 Day #3! I Married in the Sun! Reason 7 & Reason 6

When I started the 8 Against 8 posts, I had a lot of important things to talk about, like gay adoption and freedom (both the concept and the George Michael song). I wasn't even sure I could fit all my points into just 8 points. But I feel that I've come up with a much better reason to "vote no on 8" than anything I could ever say about civil rights, overpopulation or my gay Moms, and I'm going to make this point at the expense of having a chance to make some of the other points. Oh but first ...

... if you haven't given me your photo with a "No on 8" sign yet, I have only one question for you: why not, asshat? Get your shit together!: marielyn176@gmail.com. You can see all the total hotties who've already given me their snapshot in the most recently published post.

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#7: Rachel Getting Married

Because I do not want to live in a world where it would be illegal for "Susan" to marry Rachel Maddow, omg. I know Maddow lives in Massachusetts, but this isn't about who lives where (more on this in a second). Don't you want to marry Rachel Maddow? Everyone wants to marry Rachel Maddow. If I could get Rachel Maddow on lockdown for rest of my life, I would move to the middle of nowhere faster than Palin agreed to be in charge of the Senate. I'd give up television and also apparently trash removal services AND I would even wake up at dawn and take the dogs out to look at the sheep. Firstly, Tinkerbell loves other dogs and it would be very fun for her. Secondly, I feel I could have a break into blossom moment.

Oh right! OK! It isn't about who lives where 'cause what we can do in California is set an example for everyone else, and also you can get married there and then it'll be recognized in NYC. Arizona's fighting Proposition 102 and Florida's fighting Ammendment 2. Give them your money too.

Today the NY Times reports (in its most popular story) that Rachel Maddow has doubled the audience for MSNBC's 9 p.m. slot in a matter of days, which's apparently unheard of. But speaking of things that are unheard of, you know what I've heard alot about? That NYTimes Magazine article about Rachel Maddow. Everyone is OBSESSED. What's your favorite part? I like imagining her taking ten minutes to hook up the speakers to the laptop.

Anyhow I think it's a good thing -- Rachel Maddow. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel ... Did you know Rachel has a twitter? Listen to Rachel on gay marriage in May. Here's her Air America show, where she made a name for herself before everyone became obsessed.

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#6: 'Cause gay people can't make more people unless they really want to

In 2007, over 65,500 adopted children and 14,100 foster children were living with gay and lesbian parent. Half a million children live in foster care in the United States and more than 100,000 foster children await adoption.

I've been close to (read: dated, obvs I've got issues w/r/t saving people) three guys that were at some point put in foster care. They had horror stories -- abuse, neglect, parents who did it for the money. Even the guy who ended up, eventually, with a great family, was a total alcoholic. That's probs another story, anyhow.

It's insane to prefer placing kids with randomized asshats over placing them with the gays. Gays can't reproduce, so they generally adopt 'cause they want a kid real bad, not for the money.

On average, same-sex couples raising adopted children are older, more (formally) educated, and have more economic resources than other adoptive parents: The average household income for same-sex couples raising adopted children is $102,474, versus $81,900 for different-sex married couples, $43,746 for different-sex unmarried couples, and $36,312 for single parents. Same-sex couples hold graduate degrees at 34%, versus different-sex married couples at 13%, different-sex unmarried couples at 2% and single parents at 9%.

-Family Pride

Yeah, it's hard to have gay parents, but certainly gays are better than asshats. Also speaking from experience -- having a gay Mom did not make me want to be gay. In fact, precisely the opposite. Come on, who wants to be like their parents besides like, Rachel Maddow's future children? If Rachel Maddow was my Mom, I'd probs become gay. Anyway who cares, everyone should be gay. The earth is overpopulated, we do not need any more people, there's no food & no energy. After my agent and my therapist have their babies, that's it, it's over. No more babies. I might want one some day so I'll make an Amendment then. Also if you're reading this and you're preggers, that's fine, I support you. I hope my therapist has her baby soon so she can come back to work, I already have a lot of feelings I want to talk about.

We should clearly focus on recirculating the people we already have rather than making more. Quality not quantity. The Rosie Cruise, which I've gone on for three lovely years, is like an adopted child party, and they're all way better behaved than birthed children. You should go if you have any money left over after giving it all away to political campaigns. I don't, but that's why G-d invented credit cards.

Give me your picture or a picture of your baby. I bet your baby is against proposition 8, give your baby a sign. Once I thought I was preggers so I carried around a gourd with me, painted a face on it, named it "dumbass" and said it was my practice baby. My boyfriend and I would throw it to each other in the hall, it was funny, we even have photos with it. Clearly I can't be trusted, it's a good thing I don't sleep with dudes anymore.

I can't believe I've blogged three days in a row. Are you sick of me yet? I am. Donate. Photograph. I love you all, let's make babies.

8 Against 8: Reason Number #8 -- Bettina Getting Married

Firstly -- blogrolling is apparently down right now. I know I'm behind on updating my blogroll, but my hands are tied 'til they get their shit together. In related news, I'm barely keeping my own shit together. Luckily "frazzled" is one of my most charming personality traits, just imagine me as a haplessly endearing girl in a rom-com sporting perfect hair and a cute skirt and with bunch of papers falling out of my arms. Also imagine Tinkerbell with me, playing in the sandbox. That part's just for fun, I like to spice up the imagination sometimes.

Wouldn't it be funny if everyone came to this blog today looking for profound words against Proposition 8 and instead found me live-blogging the lyrics to "American Pie" (with typos) or waxing nostalgic about when Natalie and I lived together in college and were forced to attend "house meetings" with our eight Kappa Kappa Gammite roomates, during which we'd moan, make faces at each other, shove chipatis down our gullets and consistently vote "I don't give a shit" rather than "yay" or "nay" on all raised "household issues"? I'd live-blog "American Pie" just to be annoying, but I'd wax about Natalie & Riese's Collegiate Experience as a segue into the topic of: WE JUST SIGNED A LEASE!!! I know, right? What kind of landlord would give us a lease for a three bedroom apartment? Well, Natalie is very charming.

Now we need:
-A subletter who can pay $1,000 month for a gigantic room in Morningside Heights.
-A giant truck
-2-3 giant burly people with a truck
-a bed for the room we're gonna sublet
-Natalie has some crazy ideas about houseplants.

Anyway back to THE CAUSE. 8 Against 8! Firstly -- please please please send me your photos for the 8 Against 8 cyberquilt. If you do, you'll be entered in a drawing to win fun prizes like The L Word Season Five DVD and an Auto-Insomnia 'Zine, plus you'll be part of a really cool art project that will last for eternity and maybe get us onto a big website to drive visibility. Donate to 8 Against 8.

But, wait – there’s more! We don’t want to focus on just us! Queers in other states are fighting for their rights too – Arizona is fighting Prop 102 – and they need your help. Florida has to contend with fighting off Amendment 2. They need our help too!
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(L to R, row-by-row:
a;ex vega, carly, rachel,
natalie, haviland, riese,
vashti, stef, tinkerbell,
marlene , suzanna, eric
krista, rebecca, autumn,
laura, ms. jackson, jack,
renee, milly & georgia of lesbilicious uk, gemma)
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Reason #8: Because Angelica would make a really cute flower girl

Don't Bette and Tina deserve the same farewell party that all golden couples receive in the finale episode of popular hour-long drama television serieses (what is the plural for "series"? "Seri"? "Meese"?): A WEDDING?

I mean a real wedding. This might not be popular to say but look, it's not just a word. Have you ever been to a commitment ceremony? Watching Pedro get married on The Real World dosen't count.

Commitment ceremonies are beautiful. There are, for example, flowers. Everyone dresses up and heaps praise -- maybe even sometimes too much -- on top of topics like the loveliness of the brides/grooms & the chldren, of the house and the lawn and the sky's implicit endorsement of this special union and the whole wide world and the burning bruised apple of love as it exists, ripe and occasionally rotten enough to make the ripeness sweeter, between two people who love each other no matter what the conservative right wing has to say about it.

But yeah ... it's just not like the real thing. I've been to two -- my Moms' and a server friend from the Mac Grill. They were both quite lovely, the second one involved more alcohol, which was awesome, but I got blisters and then later we all got supertrashed at the Holiday Inn, which is everything a Jackson, Michigan wedding was ever meant to be.

I mean -- granted, if this passes, and we're back to where we started from in California, then I'll go along with what we must do which will be to pretend that civil unions (or just symbolic commitment ceremonies) are just as good. Marriage is just word, but it's the word that births men and wives and ex-wifes and stepsons and all kinds of positions we play and that are interchangeable, mostly, with gender. If it's not for the country to decide, then we shouldn't be deciding it for straights either (but that's another story). If we go back to where we were, I'll say it doesn't matter. I'll say it's just a word.

But I will know that to claim language precludes definition is problematic. We say -- "just a word," "it's only words," etc. "Just my word." But words aren't just words, words really matter, words are not just words for specific things but words for all the other words that need that thing, that coexist with or for it. Because how can we expect our families, loved ones and co-workers to take us seriously before the law does? They can still choose to disapprove, but it's not as easy to convince your homophobic sister to come to a commitment ceremony that is simply that -- a ceremony -- than it would be to convince her to come to your real legitimate wedding, you know -- the kind that matter like Donna & David's and Luke & Laura's and your sister & her punk-ass husband.

There is the risk that it might seem a little silly to those who already find homosexuality sick or less significant. There is the fact that running away at the altar lacks gravity when it's just symbolism you're dashing from, not reality.

I don't, of course, mean disrespect to anyone who chooses this route -- straight or gay. But personally, I'd like to have the same choice everyone else does. I don't just want the symbolism. I want the paper, and the rights, and all that. I want it to be just as "real" in every way as it would be to marry a man.

Which brings me back to my point (per ush, the intro is taking longer than the point): like Seth and Summer, David and Donna, etc, The L Word should end with a Bettina wedding! A REAL ONE!

Then Henry can come and pound on the window and be like "TINAAA!" and Papi and her girls can go kick his backne-d ass, and Shane can almost cry and Alice can be like "Is that a tear?" and Shane can be like, "No," all self-conscious, but that's 'cause she's thinking about her new girlfriend Jenny and/or her lost love, Carmen De La Pica Morales, who she left at the altar. After the Bettina wedding, Shane will do a lot of coke and have hot sex with Cherie Jaffee in the backseat of her Jeep and then they'll drive off into the sunset while Bette gives Tina a triple orgasm following about two seconds of penetration [and I hope also] external stimulation.

Also, would Shane have had the cojones to leave Carmen at the altar if there'd been something legal-in-America at stake -- would she have been so quick to agree in the first place or to disappear? If your Mom already thinks your relationship with your girlfriend is just like playing house, than good luck getting her to listen to you cry about being left at a symbolic altar rather than an actual one.

I mean basically what I'm saying is that California martial law made it possible for Ilene to whip out such a terrible sad plot device.

Commitment ceremonies are earnest and lovely things, but you must rally vast quantities of hope and belief to participate. It sometimes feels like we've all agreed to play a part in an all-day role-playing festival. And all the cakes and the hired help can't shake the feeling that there's something implicitly second-rate about not having the underlying formality that straights accept as their goddess-given right.

Also, as I would like for my own wedding one day, it would be ideal if the Bettina wedding could be like Miss Piggy and Kermit's wedding, with the same song. Also, I would prefer if Proposition 8 included a clause prohibiting Betty from playing at the wedding. I'm sure Kit Porter can get a witness. OMG, how hot would it be if Snoop Dog played the wedding? I should be a fake wedding planner. I'll make a graphic later probs, but I gots to get back to work y'all.

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Oh but one more thing!

If you know me, you know that I've made every attempt possible to get AfterEllen to link to me, finally determining that even if I'd sculpted a life-size replica of Sarah Warn out of butter and/or ice, or made a vlog about Jodie Foster and Buffy the Vampire Slayer's secret love affair, there's really no possibly way they would ever, ever, ever link to me. If I'd married Ellen DeGeneres they would've had to claim full story rights had gone to The L World Online. It's like an Oprah-Dave thing. One day Sarah Warn will call me in to interview me on all my topics of expertise, e.g., my own navel, string cheese.

But finally! Yes! My moment in the sun has come! See guys, amazing things happen every day, and defeating Proposition 8 will be one of those things. So donate, please, and send me your photo. ALL OF YOU!