Monday, November 17, 2008

Obvs I Cannot Leave the Apartment Again Until December at the earliest

So many things happening! Firstly, Carly's interview with Tinkerbell's favorite band Uh Huh Her is on Logo's NewNowNextMusic, watch it! Secondly, anyone who read Autowin back in the day may remember Rambo, my go-to het before [I stopped working at the lit agency and became an underperforming client of the agency instead and] Lozo came into my life. Rambo -- "Stephen" if you're nasty -- does Publishers Weekly's Soapbox this week and he mentions the Query Letter Drinking Game that Cameron and I wrote, and that makes me happy. Read it!

Thirdly, BIG weekend for me w/r/t leaving the apartment.

1) The Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party ! [photo of A;ex and I at the party, left, from calendar photographer Stacie Joy ]

I hear a lot of fun things happened at this party. Photographs suggest strippers, snacks, signings, and general revelry. I remember having a conversation with the good ppl from -- they sponsored our calendar and sell a variety of delightful sexual toys on their superhot website -- and that they very gamely entertained my attempts at self-deprecation when I told them that although I hadn't yet plugged them and their fabulousness yet, I totally would, but that they shouldn't stress 'cause all my readers are poor and don't like sex. See, I thought that was funny at the time.

As I've mentioned about 500 times, I'm not exactly "outgoing," so when you combine my personality with "very very drunk" and "my BFF from Los Angeles just flew in yesterday and is here!" and even a guest appearance by LOZO and one of the random Jewish boys he carts around with him -- I apparently managed to ensconse myself into my own little world so thoroughly that the only person who asked me to sign their calendar is also in the calendar.

Maybe I was not recognized sans wig. Maybe I radiate hostility. You never know! When she asked me, I think I said something retarded about myself, like "that's not me," or 'I'm a virgin," or ... really it's all a big blur in my head 'til the part when we were at a diner w/Haviland, A;ex and A;ex's friend Colleen eating grilled cheese and french fries, a meal I probs should've consumed about five hours earlier.

I also recall chatting with my friends Morgan and Diane, seeing Caitlin Mae in a stewardess outfit, calling my Mom (deathiversary day), listening to a voice mail from my Grandma that made me cry and I had to step outside (thank G-d for Haviland obvs), and some woman telling us we couldn't sit at the Raffle table and the eternally kick-ass Jayme Waxman being like "whatevs, I am Wonder Woman, they can sit wherevs they want."

ANYHOW! The party was awesome, ladies got nekkid, the calendar is hot, Buy one! 100% of the proceeds go to Sex Work Awareness.

2) No on Prop 8 Rally!

Over 10,000 people came to this giant gathering of homosexual love at City Hall on november 15th, 2008, to protest the passing of Prop 8, and obvs A;ex, Haviland and I were among them. There's lots of reasons that a person might wish they were a bird. One of those is when you wanna know how big a protest is or where those voices are coming from. We discovered the latter when we chose to leave the masses to get a latte and find Carly, which's also when we realized how HUGE it was. An amazing inspirational mass of people who've come together for this cause and believe in it. We believe in it enough to come together all over the country for California.

This is serious, y'all, the times they are a'changin'. The intolerant people are gonna have to move to deserted islands, apparently there are lots of deserted islands all over the world, according to A;ex, this came up in a conversation about how I think I know everything but I don't. Allegedly.

Although I would've preferred the Dazzle Dancers performing for us as well as some Mormons to yell at directly, I tried to summon all the revolutionary spirit of my ancestors and yell at the choir just the same. Kim Stolz actually rocked the mike and I'm not just saying that 'cause I fancy her, and the signs obvs were amazing as I'm sure you've read. We didn't have a sign because we overslept (see: Sex Bloggers Party) and arrived fully prepared for a rainshower.

I just hope that we can make something happen, obvs, I heart the cause.

I mean everyone should marry who they want to, and anyone who disagrees with me --- well, I hate you. If you voted Yes on Prop 8, I'm sorry, I just hate you!


caitlinmae said...

I rescind my previous comment- this deluge of blogposts is REALLY hitting the spot.

You&Alex&Hav looked absolutely gorgeouslovely on Friday- definitely the brightest angels on the lower east side... both inside white rabbit and beyond. I think it is perhaps best left a blur. SO many people, so little clothing, so many sex toys. Overwhelming.

I'm glad you had such a great weekend! See, good things do happen when you dismantle the emocave and come downtown!

jack said...

you & a;ex look amazingly gorgeous, and a;ex's hair is completely hot.

also, i've been teaching How to Avoid Creating Run-On Sentences lately, and everytime i say the word "semicolon," i think to myself, "why am i teaching? i'd so rather be sitting at home reading blogs." also, my students are vaguely moronic, so that may also contribute to wanting to read rather than teach. just maybe.

DJL11172K08 said...

Jewish Friend 14 must've said, "That was the weirdest thing I've ever been to," about 11 times this weekend. To be fair, Philip Seymour Hoffman wearing an "I HEART ANAL" pin was pretty effing weird. As was the 90-year-old man. And there was a lot of body odor in the room. But the naked chick dancing on the table evened it out for me.

Congrats on being a pin-up. You'll be in auto body shop garages across America.

Mercury said...

you & a;ex look amazingly gorgeous, and a;ex's hair is completely hot.
- ditto.

I totally remember reading about that drinking game, and I totally thought, "I hope that they played that a lot, because I am sure they would get very wasted, and rapidly build some hella powerful alcohol tolerance, and also maybe end up throwing up on these so-called literary works, which is probably what some of them deserve"

I love the experience of going to parties and then hearing people talk about them later and being like. "Were you at a different party!? I don't remember any of that." or what's even better is when they tell you things you did, and you're like, "I believe you, but I have no recollection."

word ver is materic. which is like a hybrid of mate and metric. like what happens when systems of measurement find true love.

Razia said...

I ditto the ditto on the hot couple, hot hair comment.

I wish I could go to a protest, especially one that I really, really believed in. Like gay marriage. Although, post-heartbreak '07, I'm a commitment-phobe. But it'd be nice to have more commitments to run away from, y'know? I want to be the runaway bride, not the runaway commitment ceremony participant.

a;ex said...

Thanks, you guys :)

Caitinmae, please tell me I said hi to you on Friday. Actually, tell me that I said something. Cause I sort of don't remember if I saw you or not. The night was a blur after a certain point. Of course.

I feel like Mercury is exceptionally good at the word verif game.

ooo! oh! my word verif is "andark" which is like the awkward band name "An Horse".
(How was that?)

Congratulations on the new "FLIRT" promo ;) I'm glad I can see your 'donate' button now. Just sayin.

Haviland Stillwell said...

oh, i love you, little Riese!

you better get in gear bc obvs I have so many eventsssss I need you to attend in the next week!

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Lozo and I are never at the same event because we're actually the same person. The "difference" in sports we write about for pay is like Clark Kent's glasses. Hidden in plain sight.

autumn m said...

so hungover. staying up late and drinking is not smart when you have to be up at 5:30 the next day. just sayin. i cant stop laughing. im remember things i should have never been told.
and i totally feel like alex is a hot person altogether, its not just the hair. she would be a straight up hottie even if she was bald (which i am totally suggesting).
i totally forgot what i was going to type so i stared at the computer screen for about 15 minutes till i remembered. then, i was pissed cause i remembered it wasnt all that important. i was just going to say that i wish i could go to cool awesome parties like the one you guys went to. but, i'll just pretend like i was there. hey, riese remember that party the other night?? wasnt that fun?? see it totally works.

autumn m said...

so.... um i was gonna be funny and donate 5 cents to you. its not all that funny now, but anyways, i cant donate anything at all. what happen to the little donate button?? the other thing you have just takes me to the paypal website. you should fix that. cause if i give you 5 cents everyday for like a years, thats.....alot of nickels.

Anonymous said...

babypop's hair is smokin hot. i love the end to your argument, i am definitely going to start using that. disagree with me? i hate you.

supr said...


Twanna A. Hines | said...

Thanks for signing my calendar. ;)

riese said...

caitlinmae: Where were the sex toys? I think I was at an ozone layer slightly above most of the people at the party in my heels. I kept having to slouch a little. I'll come downtown in 2009 or something maybe. First I need to build myself a new emocave in my room, I feel so exposed!

jack: I know doesn't she look like Tegan? I think my entire novel is a run-on sentence actually, it's kind of out of control. There's not a moment of the day that I wouldn't rather be at home reading blogs.

dj11172k08: omg, omg, omg, I almost forgot about the 90 year old man. It reminded me of this scene in a Mary Gaitskill book that no one else has read but me probs called Veronica with this old man at an S&M club who was crawling aorund on his knees in a studded collar asking people to beat him, and he looked like he was dying. It was a reoccuring image in the book. I don't imagine our calendar will make it's way into many auto body shops, but maybe a lot of indie sex blog shops? yeah? Jewish shops?

mercury: I guess we never really played that drinking game. I feel like the act of writing the drinking game is so much fun, and if you thought about really doing it, I mean you'd get really drunk. Like even when Carly and I watch South of Nowhere, we basically just take a drink -- not a shot or whatever, how you're supposed to do it.

I've read a few summaries of the parties, and I think I defintely missed something slash the whole thing. What's amazing to me is how unaware I am of this at the time. I'm like "hoo-ha! whee! let's go!" thinking I am the center of the party.

razia: Agreed. It's one thing to leave your wife at the altar at your wedding, but another to mess up the commitment ceremony. then everyone'll be like "look we came all the way out here for a wedding that's not even real, and now you can't make it? to your commitment ceremony? that's not actually gonna change anything so your basically running away symbollically?" hey the more i think about it that's a really good point.

a;ex: That was good but I feel like you had an An Aardvark opportunity that you missed. I feel like you did say hi to caitlinmae. Again, anything i say, consider the source, I could be completely out of my mind. I'm waiting for your donation.

Haviland Stillwell: That's funny! I love how we can joke like this, like pals!

Brooklyn Boy: That's good. I mean it, that's really good.

autumn m: See in my imaginary world, I think of 5:30 as more like a late go-to-bed time than an early wake up time. My grandpa still gets up that early though to milk the cows even though there aren't any cows anymore.

I fixed it! I fixed it for you! I'm ready for my nickels! Actually I think paypal takes a fee out of all my donations, so it'd probs be more like 4.9999 cents or something. Just so you know for your taxes.

Oh yeah it was totally awesome to see you at the party last night though I remember it being slightly less amazing but still awesome rock, i love kansas!

anonymous: I've been calling her Tegan. I don't know though, apparently she already "has enough nicknames" or something crazy like that. I don't know how a person can have too many nicknames.

supr: holler.

twanna: thank YOU for asking me to. that's gonna be a collector's item as the only one signed by Miss June. I swear it.

eric mathew said...

first off you and ms. semicolon make the cutest couple. i mean duh i know your not but you blow lohan and samo out of the water. look at semi's eyes they are like piercing.

anyway, i uber syked to see the vlog. your never to old to vlog or drink.

ronnie comes home next week so we can finally do another one. i feel rusty... it will be bad probs, and piper will give it one star, but it's for the kids.

can we also talk about stillwell's gorgeous facebook photo, she is a beauty.

and finally at work i needed to listen to music so i made the best channel ever on pandora.
it was indigo girls with ani difranco and tracey chapman...

yep. i went there.


and nope i'm not drunk, i'm just high on bad air quality.

asher said...

yes a;ex's hair is amazing. i first had that thought when i saw her new facebook pic, but seeing as we're not real life friends i decided that commenting there would be weird. here? totes not weird. love the hair.

now, in response to eric matthew's comment - are you and a;ex really not together? i just sort of assumed y'all were, cos y'all are adorable. whatev.

me - a little drunkey drunk. g'night.

asher said...

ps - at the sexbloggers link, in case you haven't checked it in a while, Joelle thinks that you 'June' are the only hot one, but she also believes that 'June is not a sex blogger.' i just figured i'd share, since you, like the rest of the world, sincerely cares about what Joelle might think.


The Brooklyn Boy said...

I do what I can. And I need more auto-universe in my life, so let me know what's good in the hood and I can make sure "Lozo" is busy that day.

DJLOMG2K8 said...

"This philosophy is behind my new week-long initiative to post a lot but with brevity. I'll try to pull off at least one traditional long-form piece this week, but I'm mostly testing if bits and pieces is more efficient/entertaining/enriching."

It's Wednesday, 3:02 p.m. You clearly lack week-long initiative.

cookies said...

what can i do to get you to sign my calender? can i send cookies?

riese said...

eric mathew: I was rusty too, but we still powered through it well enough. I'm sure Ronnie & you will do just fine, what you need to do is write a song for that beauty Haviland Stillwell. Although your pandora playlist would suggest that you are a lesbian.

asher: Oh, I love Joelle and her "maybe June." It's the best compliment I've ever gotten! MAYBE JUNE! MAYBEEEE JUNE! Actually I maybe found it so amusing that i took a screenshot and emailed it to my friends when I saw it. I'm glad that ther'es a regulator out there to let people know this is not the place for sexytime, I am very into abstinence.

a;ex says thank you about the hair. she's not here right now, but i can feel that she would say thank you and be complimented and maybe go ASHERRRR!!!

Due to what [I believe to be an] improper employment of the word "your" (rather than "you're") and a vague/unindicated subject-verb agreement/corrolation in eric mathew's comment-in-question, I am not at liberty to comment upon his statement, which i also found confusing.

brooklyn boy: Oh i will I WILL.

djlozo: I know. Actually it's because I just got a video editing job in that takes about 48 hours to do, but I've been given six hours to do it. I'm trying to find a happy medium. I have failed the blogosphere and I have to live with this when I try to go to sleep at night.

cookies: Hm. That's a good question. Send cookies either way though.

eric mathew said...

I think I am. I am going to the place they went in But I'm A Cheerleader. But more for the cute uniforms. AH ZAP.

asher said...

oh the vague - love it.

after i posted that about Joelle, i think i figured it out.
Joelle is totes RoverMom.

Aaron X said...

PHOTOS Prop 8 Protest St. Louis, MO (11-15-08)