Sunday, April 05, 2009

Sunday Top Ten: Top Ten Non-Emotional Wounds Like Steel in My Palm

[You guys, this top ten might be kinda bad! Hey have you read Autostraddle? It's awesome! Dinah Shore live-blog and etc!]

The story goes that Josh had a show to play that night and did not want to work his shift that afternoon at [redacted] Pizza, this cheap on-campus spot staffed by local hipsters and frequented by drunk University of Michigan undergraduates at 3 AM [like many things, it's a lot different now than it was in the mid-90's, possibly under new management, thus the name redaction] and 'cause his boss wouldn't give him the night off, J arrived on time, went into the back room, pulled out a tomato and a giant knife and proceeded to slice his hand right open. He was promptly sent home, hand bandaged, and made the show. THAT IS SO PUNK. Like Neal Cassady's dirty bandage waving in the wind, unraveling as he unraveled on the road .

I've told that story before, I hope it's true, that I haven't enhanced it retrospectively too much. That wholehearted embrace of life's little hand-slices is inspirational to me 'cause I do shit like that all the time -- not on purpose [though it has been, at times, in other lifetimes] but 'cause I'm clumsy. Ridiculously accident-prone. Bruises and scratches like nobody's business, or issues with sharp objects that've also been nobody's business, in their own way. I can just say things like that now. I've discussed, previously, my propensity to burns & bruises. Today I will cover my most memorable injuries.




Sunday Top Ten: Non-Emotional Wounds


10. Flying is Hard -- Playdate Wristbreak - late 80's
Cindy -- flat on her back, legs in the air -- claimed rocket-launching powers. She vaulted her brother successfully and I wanted to fly too, like my andro-hero Peter Pan, so I innocently lay on her feet and kerpow I flew for a brief glorious millisecond before landing triumphantly belly-down, my wrist slamming square atop a discarded softball.

Did this mean I was broken? That I hadn't flown?! Absurd! The swelling concerned the Moms, but I didn't want to get Cindy in trouble (always, even then, a desire to protect the pretty girls).

When two weeks later I still couldn't swing a bat my Dad made me go to the doctor. It was broken. I was excited to have a cast so everyone could sign it. It made me feel popular.


9. Trouble with Balls - late 80's
Wheels Inn was magic -- a shrine to everything forbidden in normal life: waterslides, mini golf, buffets and room service. I tried showing off at the bowling alley -- and for me showing off means doing categorically ridiculous/foolish things and then whining later when I'm bleeding -- with the heaviest ball. Banged my chin right on it, and it split right open. Dad scooped me up onto his shoulder to remove me from the premises and I left a bloody trail behind me, talk about the Special Olympics of Bowling.

It hurt like holy hell but I wasn't giving up Skittles & video games that easy (always, even then, ignoring pains to maintain shimmery pleasures).

By the time we made it to the doctor a few days later it was apparently too late for stitches. The scar remains, hidden under my non-existent chin.

8. The Cheese Finger Slice - early 90's
Mom took my brother to a movie I didn't want to see (yes, I've always been this impossible) and I wanted a grilled cheese (obvs!) and couldn't find a cheese slicer so I just used a large knife (always, even then, "resourceful"/idiotic).

Unfortunately at the age of 12 my knife skills were fairly underdeveloped and I sliced off the side of my left index finger. This particular scar is absolutely permanent and hasn't changed in 14 years. It's very noticeable.

That Hannukah I got cheese slicers as a brilliantly original gag gift from three (3) oh-so-amusing relatives. Now I just buy pre-sliced cheese, who has the time.

7. FYI, I Still Have My Toe, Do Not Have Summer Wardrobe - early 90's

A few weeks after slicing off my finger, my diary states the following:
"We celebrated Cinco De Mayo at school on Tuesday. Me and all of the girls had a Mexican Restaurant. It was a hit! When we were setting up I dropped a table on my toe. It was bleeding and is bruised underneath. It's supposed to fall off soon. We went to the mall today and I got the most cool summer wardrobe ever."

6. Palm Slice #1 - '95
When you're 14 you'll take any job you can get. Furthermore you'll comply when, after slicing your hand open, your boss tells you to sit it out, wait for the bleeding and the near-fainting to stop, 'cause you aren't legally allowed to use knives and therefore cannot visit the ER (always, even then, convinced any deviation would get me fired immediately, no matter how shitty my job). I didn't miss a beat, and the bleeding stops faster when we're all denying it together. The scar faded fast, too. I liked pretending it was my lifeline.


What happened between '95 and 2002? Did I stop running into things? I started running away, I started running, I got sick all over and couldn't move, my life got dull and crazy too. There's a scar on my left calf, and I know when I got it (2000), but I don't know how. I got my energy back and catastrophe then, too.

5. Palm Slice #2 - '02
Livejournal: "Today at the grille, a glass cut my hand open. it broke, and while breaking, sliced across my hand and it gushed blood forever. Which couldn't be more perfect, because every 20 seconds I get a big rush of pain from whatever nerve I sliced open, and we have to move on monday and I am going to be in tip-top shape to carry furniture. but i did get to go home from work early and [redacted ex-boyfriend] brought me Quiznos and my favorite drink ever, Diet Air. [It actually doesn't taste that good, but the name is pretty incredible.]"

Amendment: (Always, even then, writing things to make them true.) He was CERTAIN I could get worker's comp! This's the dude that made me go to Wal-Mart instead of Meijers to save five cents on a notebook. Waitresses don't get workman's comp for Chrissake. He was over the wound before it healed, so I broke it back open moving furniture & boxes 'cause he felt the cut was an invalid excuse. What the fuck do you want from me, I asked, bleeding all over the new desk I'd told him was too complicated to put together but he'd insisted on getting anyhow and then making me assemble with my hand wrapped up. Always, even then, I thought he could see me and I wouldn't have to spell it out (showing, not telling).

Look, douchebag, I model through it, I wanted to say. I don't cry over spilled blood. I'm not just whining, that's your job. Instead of saying those things I had an affair. La-la-la.

4. Falling is Like This - Summer '03

Then I slipped on the rainy porch. It hadn't been ... sealed, or something? So the rain slid on the wood and so did my feet. Hurrah! Dusted my shoulders off and got in the car to go to work! I can DO IT! HURRAH! GAME ON!

"What the fuck happened to you?" my manager said when I limped in. Isn't that weird, how at first it feels like it'll pass and then it takes over your entire body? My left side felt like it'd been removed from my body, thrown into a meat processor and then stitched back on.

I thought my back was wet from the rain but it was wet with blood. Whoops.

"Go to the ER!" She said.

"But I'm the only to-go person on this shift!" I protested. Restaurant managers never tell you to go home, I've worked under very disgusting conditions before.

I wanted someone to save me or something, I think? I got home with my seat pulled right up to the steering wheel. I couldn't walk up the stairs so I collapsed on the landing and called my boyfriend from there.

He took me to the ER, and was quietly pissed that I'd made him leave work (why did I do that? to prove he was better than the last one? wtf?) to take me there, so then later my Mom came and he went back to work. He'd made me stay in town that summer with no friends, who else was supposed to take me, I thought. I could've waited, I know now.

I had an x-ray, I'd bruised my hip-bone or something. Oddly couldn't move for the rest of the day, then felt miraculously healed two days later when my BF and I were going to Toronto.

Luckily all the Vicodin came in handy later that summer when everything went to shit and I grasped for anything, anything at all, that claimed to kill pain.

3. Kill the Messenger's Foot - February '05
my GIANT feet are better now seeeeeee

In February of 2005 I was run over by a bike messenger on 47th street, his fault. I was too preoccupied by my conviction that he had thirty children in Nigeria to feed to actually care to follow up with his employer. My skim mocha was lost, my soup was salvaged, and I was per ushe convinced it'd be fine and the pain would pass until it didn't. Then as always I walked back to work, even walked up the stairs, and then the swelling literally made my shoe come untied.

Swift-footed Ingrid took me from work to the Metropolitan Hospital emergency room, and sat with me there for eight hours 'til Krista got off work and relieved her. The foot was swollen to twice its regular size, and post X-Ray and uninsured I was refused free painkillers and ordered instead a week of house arrest with "fluffy pillows." That was when I first started calling myself Emily Dickinson. My Cocoon tightens - colors tease- I'm feeling for the Air- a dim capacity for wings -

J & S came over with food, drugs and magazines; British glossies with pull-out photos of skinny girls with large breasts. I applied for internships and took [now vanished] photos of my foot and hopped around while Krista yelled at me for not using the crutches. Krista ran errands for me and Natalie brought me yogurt and Ingrid made me breakfast. I slept a lot. I got the internships, opened a gmail account!, I fixed my life ... I thank the messenger.

2. Autogear Handslice - December '07

As reported on this here blog: "Anyhow, yeah at about three or so, I was moving a box and somehow managed to get my hand caught on this pesky nail and it sliced clean through the skin on the front of my hand between my middle finger and my other finger and it was really intense ... I thought "I wish I knew someone who'd accidentally cut herself with a crack pipe before who could provide emotional support during this trying time," and luckily, I do, so I called her, and she provided said support ..." (read all about it here ) (scar remains, a nice white line. Everyone would yell at me for picking at it) (always, even then, running late and therefore clumsy)


1. Election Legslice - November '08 - Election Legslice

Obviously my most glorious injury of all time was live-blogged on Election Day 2008, as you may recall. I was standing on a flimsy IKEA cabinet to screw in a curtain rod and I fell through the cabinet, thus inspiring a nail to journey straight up my leg. 'Cause I was so excitant about the election results, I forewent suggested journeys to the doctor/hospital/ER and dodged tetnus-related questions. Here's a flashback screenshot:
+


+
My favorite part of this particular scar, besides that it reminds me that the past is real and the night that Obama won, is that when people asked me how it happened I can respond: "You know how people sometimes get pissed off and like slash someone's tires? Well since I live in NYC and don't have a car, this bitch got fresh with me and I was like whatever and she was like whatever and then instead of slashing my tires she just like slashed my leg." And then they think I'm really punk.


++
Always, even now, preferring the story over the shots & stitches.

29 comments:

Ms. Jackson said...

my leg hurts just by looking at that picture....ouchee

riese said...

it has only recently occurred to me that eventually it will be summer, and when it is summer, i will actually have to sport that sucker in public, like a lot. which is gonna be really neat.

Liz said...

wow, your wounds always seem to involve lots of blood, which means scars...which is v cool, because chicks dig scars

can i share?

riese said...

please do.

mindy said...

These make my bones hurt.

I recently broke my toe by walking into the corner of a wall while chasing / being chased by my dog. Took me a few days to realize that the back and forth between throbbing pain and numbness might be worth looking in to.

also: autostraddle is rad and I'm crazy about the layout / think robin is a babe. j.s!

elliB said...

Your clumsy childhood sounds like mine. I could write my own Top Ten Non-Emotional Wounds filled with tales of missing toenails, cigarette burns, broken toes and wrists, bloody shins, knees flapped open and filled with gravel... Although my legs are so tattooed up at this point that no one notices the scars that cover my kneecaps.

Vashti said...

YES! Top ten non-emotional wound. Time for me to contribute:

My most recent wound happened about a month ago [?] when I was cutting cardboard. I couldn't find my scissors so I used my pocket knife instead. Well, the blade got caught in the cardboard so I just forced it down and ended up stabbing my inner thigh. I tweeted all this on twitter. You said I'd get gangrene, Autumn said I'd die. NEITHER HAPPENED. Just sayin'. Oh and my scissors were right next to my laptop. Lalala.

There was also the time when I was about 7ish and I was waiting outside on my grandma's porch. I had my chin resting on one of the posts and I guess I hit it down or something because I ended up biting half way through my tongue. Gnarly, I know.

Then there was the time I bit my tongue while eating and it started bleeding. Just a little bit. The initial injury is totally lame but is totally redeemed by the fact that it got infected and I missed my shift a few days later because of it and ended up getting fired because my boss thought that even though I couldn't talk and I was contagious, I still should've been there. I was on my way to being promoted too. I hate Jamba Juice now.

When I was 9ish, I couldn't find the orange peeler. BUT. I did find the apple peeler! I then proceeded to slice my thumb trying to peel my orange with the apple peeler. Genius.

One day last year at track practice, it was rainy and wet and cold and miserable. We were throwing discus outside and the ring was really slippery. Of course, I was the first [and only] one to fall. I hit my knee on the ring but I was wearing pants so I thought it'd just be bruised or something. No biggy. Well, after practice I get to my car and take a look at my knee. Of course it's sliced open and bleeding all over the place. I went to urgent care and got some butterfly stitches. The rest of my season was basically ruined [well, only in shotput. I actually did really well in discus].

Ummm, I can't really think of any other cool wounds. My mom's cat bit my eye once. I was hoping for a sweet ass scar like Scar in The Lion King. It didn't really work out though. Oh! And I once got a 5 inch splinter in my inner thigh from sliding down a square, wooden post on my swingset. I'm tellin' you, I was one brilliant child back in the day.

Also, I'd just like to point out that my word verif is "jewin" which is what I assume you do all day, err day.

Vikki said...

My best scar is on my ass. When I was six, my mom took me to a softball game and while she sat drinking on the bleachers...I slid down the hill with the other kids. I slid over a piece of glass and and was bleeding from the buttock like a stuck pig. I hobbled over to my mother who (without putting down her beer or cigarette) reached into the cooler and pulled out a handful of ice to "wash" the cut. Then, she dug around in her purse and found some scotch tape and taped my cut together. Then, told me to sit still until the game was over. BIG SCAR.

Liz said...

Hmmm..well these are in no particular order, but:

#1 - Shattered left fibula
Done playing rugby, got caught in a pretty dodgy tackle (the girl who tackled me has played for Australia quite a few times, and should probably have known better). Escaped with just a cast for 7 weeks, though most doctors i've seen since have said i should have had surgery to get plates and screws inserted.

#2 - Sunburnt back
1 hour in the sun = 3 days in hospital on a morphine drip + 3 weeks knocked out on upwards of 15 tablets per day to manage the pain. The skin is still scarred from the 2nd degree burns and hyper-sensitive. The moral of the story - don't go out in the Australian sun.

#3 - Two fractured ribs
Also done playing rugby, got hit in a good solid tackle about ten minutes into a final. There wasn't really anyone who could cover my spot, so I just got strapped up 'til i could barely breathe and played out the rest of the game (played pretty damn well too, and we won the game. Too bad the coach wouldn't let me play the next game, which we lost).

#4 - Fractured left arm
Swinging backwards on a chair on a hill when i was about 10. Not a good idea.

#5 - Broken right arm
Running into the kitchen for most food when i was about 7, it looked like i had a second elbow. I wasn't wearing a shirt at the time, and all mum cared about the way to hospital was getting one over the broken arm.

#6 - Hearing loss
The summer we got our swimming pool, i swum too much and got severe ear infections. I now have only 80% hearing in my left ear.

#7 - Giant cut on my right hand
Was at an illegal rubbish dump near my house when i was about 14 with friends, and we decided it was a good idea to throw big pieces of broken glass at an ant's nest. While throwing a particularly sharp piece i sliced my hand right open starting near my thumb and extending down my index finger. I lost over a litre of blood and didn't bother with stitches, so i still have a pretty bad scar today.

#8 - Bulging disks
Another rugby injury, i got kicked right on the spine, square in the middle of my back. I had shooting pains running up and down my back and both legs, and needed to get an ambulance to hospital. Ended up with two bulging disks and crush injury to the surrounding muscles, and couldn't really walk for about two weeks.

#9 - Dislocated shoulder
Popped it out playing rugby at a 7s tournament this Valentines Day. Didn't even realise until i rolled over to get up and felt it clunk back in. Played out the rest of the day, but it still hurts and crunches a little when i move it. Thinking maybe i should go see a physio...

I could keep going, but that's probably more than enough for here. And starting to think that rugby is kind of a dangerous sport...

Ps. Did i mention i'm only 20?

LittleTink said...

zomg riese this makes my heart hurt even though they're not emotional wounds but kjdsfkds i can't bare the thought of you getting hurt. i am taking english classes so that i can move to prague and sit on a cobblestone street. i want to pet you.

love and bandaids,
lt

Stephanie said...

Mine was not really my fault but it was awesome. I had an emergency appendectomy and the shitty doctors gave me an infection. This meant a second surgery during which I was conscious. They claimed they gave me a local but I told them I was going to scream anyway. So I screamed. Anyway! I ended up with a huge hole in my stomach. Like, an actual hole that could hold liquids. I know that because I had to pour hydrogen peroxide in it every night and let it sit there. It was the coolest/grossest thing ever.

Natazzz said...

Nice list.

Good to hear I'm not the only one who's a little accident prone.

My scars mainly involve various burns and cuts while pretending to be a Top Chef.

That leg scar is pretty hot ;-)

laura said...

that is really the most bangin' leg scar ever.
my top two injuries [i was really excited about the comments part of this] are:
#1: when i was about 12, i went on vacation to this big house in north carolina with my mum's family. while we were there, i bent one screen door by walking into it, busted two out of the wall by walking right through them, and walked into two other glass doors, cracking one. after the fifth time, one of my uncles bought duct tape and taped giant Ls on all the doors so i could see when they were closed.
#2: i somehow managed to get vertigo this winter which meant that i couldn't walk five feet without falling over. i spent the entire weekend horizontal [the only way i could function] watching arrested development and sympathizing with lucille 2.

asher said...

i had no idea the election wound was from falling THROUGH a piece of furniture. that's pretty great.

scars worth sharing:

-i have 2 scars, one above each eye, below the eyebrow. i asked my mom once how i got them... she asked me "were you the one that got hit in the face with the seatbelt?" my sister quickly claimed it, "no, that was me."

-back of left hand. when i was in kindergarten i complained that my hand was hurting. as i recall it, after a couple weeks i convinced my parents that it was legit pain (it was probably a matter of days) and they took me to the doctor, who immediately sent me to the hospital. i remember hearing it was a cat scratch/spider bite infection. my mom says i was bit by a brown recluse spider. i like her story better.

- right lower shin. looks like a vampire bite. at then end a 25 mile bike ride around atlanta in which none of us had lights, i hit a downhill pothole while (stupidly) breaking w/ my (dominant) left hand. the front brake, not smart. i through myself over the handlebars and flew about ten feet. the scar is from where either i landed on the bike, or the bike landed on me. it was pretty gnarly.

i think those are the only good ones.

on behalf of the bike messenger, i apologize. and i appreciate the symbolism you raise with his "messenger" role.

Anonymous said...

You should be the spokesperson for Maderma, or whatever that stuff is that is supposed to make scars go away. Your dad was the one who nursed your wounds as a kid- mine was, too.

P.S. I love when you quote your childhood journal.

ejw said...

wow riese. i'm accident-prone as well but with me, i usually can't remember how i ended up with whatever bruise/cut/scratch/burn that i happen to find that day. actually. there are only 4 scars that i remember getting and only 3 of those that i remember the story behind...

1. back of right arm-Pre-Kindergarten; kid jumped on my back in the lunch line and because i have no upper body strength at all, i fell into a brick wall and cut my arm really bad. i went to my teacher to ask to go to the nurse and she didn't feel like walking me so she said no. i guess she was really hungry. this is when i learned that i should not bother asking teachers for shit.

2. bottom of left foot- 7ish; running through my house barefoot, i somehow got a needle stuck in the middle of my foot. my parents didn't believe anything was wrong with me but constantly yelled at me about walking on the side of my foot (b/c i couldn't walk normally b/c it hurt like hell). after about a month or three, they took me to the doctor who sent me for an x-ray which revealed that there was actually something wrong with me. and they proceeded to dig out the needle using a scalpel, a second needle and tweezers. oh, and without pain meds or anesthetics. i still to this day have a habit of walking on the side of my foot.

3. under left eye- 4th grade; i still can't figure out how or why this happened. all i know is that i was minding my own business waiting for my sister to pick me up after school and there was another girl waiting for her ride. for some reason, she decided that she needed to walk up to me and swing her purse at my face. the zipper on her purse cut me under the eye. she told the teacher that i hit her even though she admitted that she walked up to me and hit me with her purse first. still really weird to me...

autumn m said...

I love your leg scar. It’s pretty sweet. It will always and forever remind me of Obama

I had a cat that scratched me in my eye once. Like my actual eyeball. It was all bloody and stuff. I’m sure there is a scar somewhere in there.

When I was 9ish I cracked my head open...... at church. Good thing the carpet was red. I had like 8 staples put in

saint modesto said...

I love how you exaggerate in your diary.
"It was bleeding and is bruised underneath. It's supposed to fall off soon."

"it broke, and while breaking, sliced across my hand and it gushed blood forever."

My most memorable scar is when I raced down a steep hill on my bike and suddenly forgot how use the brakes and so drove myself into a pile of rocks and flipped over, causing my knee to split open and a feeling of stupidity to overwhelm me. Of course the brakes are right there on the handle bar, of course they are.

Do you feel stupid after things like that happen?

riese said...

mindy: I am a little concerned about this dog that is chasing you around! Is it a wolf? I am upset when a large dog is even in the same room as I am, usually making smelly dog faces, let alone chasing me into walls.

Robin IS a babe, Austostraddle is Rad and if you like the layout now, you will totally LOVE the layout when we're done ironing out its issues, for real.

elliB: the kids who fell during soccer and got gravel in their wounds that was always the worst. And then the foaming from the hydrogen peroxide or whatever it was they used to clean that shit out. Last January in Miami I got a tattoo specifically to cover a scar I didn't want to look at anymore, and ... it kinda works.

Vashti: You just reminded me of when I bit off my tongue a few weeks ago and you told me I was going to die. I told you that you were going to die from the thigh-stabbing so neither of us died and therefore I feel we're both probably superheroes of some sort. I didn't know there were orange peelers and apple peelers like as different things.

Your track/knee story is like a lot of my stories. I didn't even realize what was happening with my leg until I rolled up my pant leg and was like holy shit, something has gone terribly wrong.

Vikki: I think your wound auto-wins, that's like something out of a Dorothy Allison short story or something. If I had autostraddle band-aids, I'd give one to you.

Liz: It's a good thing I stayed away from Rugby, though I always seemed to find a way to get injured in other less violent sports as in I bring violence to the game, so maybe Rugby would've simply been a better fit for me. Okay reading over your injuries I can't believe what your body has already been through! I am scared off rugby for life, because I don't like not being able to walk.

I get sunburnt all th time, was not aware such a thing would ever require a morphine drip.

I have to say I am not surprised that some injuries occurred during the throwing broken glasses at the ant's nest project, I feel that was a dodgy one from the get-go.

LittleTink: I like cobblestone streets, but you have to be careful not to slip and fall becase you could cut your little kneecaps open. I hope you learn to read and write as well in Praguian, you know how things can be tough over there with the language barriers and the rowdy euros.

Stephanie: was the hole in your stomach like the hole in that girl's stomach in Intervention who had to feed herself through a feeding tube? I think I still have my appendix as far as I know.

Natazzzz: I involve myself in various burns and cuts while pretending to be a really low-grade Betty Crocker who just sprays Pam on everything. wher'es cat cora. my leg scar is so hot i am surpirsed that my leg is not on fire.

laurrrrrtittaaaa: wait where the "L"s for Laura? Like "stop laura! stop walking into the walls!" Or were they for "The L Word" or "Lesbian" or "Lacuna" or "Labia Majora" or "Long Night's Journey into Day?" THat's incredible, it's almost like you're a superhero with reverse powers.

asher: Oh yeah totally, but the good news is I just flipped that puppy [the cabinet] over, nailed her right up and got my show on the road. I think my bike messenger was Hermes in disguise. Had he not run me over, I never would've applied to intern at this lit agency I ended up interning at, and then my whole life would've been different/not as good. I try to think of that instead of thinking about how he took advantage of me not pushing for his employer's phone number and so forth.

so does that mean that

Anonymous: mederma -- A;ex gave me some to put on my giant leg scar. I was good at putting it on for a few days but then kept forgetting. my Dad had a lot of scars too I think he knew what I was up to. P.S. yay!

ejw: i have a good memory/a diary of every day of my life as if i am remotely important.

i forgot about my one major scar on the front of my leg from running into a nail or something, mostly 'cause I can't remember the story exactly I was so young. But that scar will be here forever. It's weird how you only have once chance with your body.

also your story number 2 is a good rival for vikki's with her ass. i can't believe you had a needle inside your foot for so long, zomg. "3" is still really weird to me too.

autumn m: I love my leg scar mostly because i live-blogged it so I feel like it is not only my leg scar it is everyone's leg scar. staples? you have staples in your head? zomg. i'm glad they didn't have to pay for the carpet cleaning that shit can get expensive.

saint modesto: I know what's really special about my childhood diary was that it wasn't even for show or the story, it was just for me and i still totally exaggerated. I mean thogh I do remember this woman who was a doctor telling me that it would probably fall off, which i thought would be super punk and was clearly not afraid.

I don't know if I feel stupid after things like all these things happen so much as I feel punk.

elliB said...

Yeah, the knee full of gravel came from one of the two times I fell while riding my bike down a giant hill. Sticks and gravel got in my bike gears causing me to swerve wildly and fall, the bike fell on top of me (don't know how) and the bike and I slid down the gravel hill together. By the time I got to the bottom the skin over my knee cap had literally opened like a flap and collected gravel from our journey. It wasn't pleasant. That's the same knee that I later had a piece of glass stuck in for two weeks.

I'm surprised they were able to tattoo over a scar for you. Usually the ink doesn't take well in scar tissuey skin. I don't think that'd work for me anyway as I told think knee cap tattoos are that sexy... or worth sitting through (painful spot!)

(ps- it's weird to me that my postings now show up under elliB instead of Elizabeth)

(pps- my word veri is coccer. Interpret as you will...)

amaya said...

woow, you sound so intense.

I've only had a fractured rib from rugby, a ripped something in my ankle, and lots of random cuts. Your Election Legslice reminds me of this scar I have. I got it when I was about 8 and playing fort on a cabinet. I started doing something stupid like jumping on it and then BAM. It collapsed and a screw ripped through my thigh. But thankfully the cut wasn't even close to being as long as yours.

autumn m said...

ha ha no i dont have staples currently in my head. they used staples instead of stitches cause the thought of someone sewing my skin together freaks me out a bit. also i totally forgot to tell you i have a scar on my foot from when i was younger and i was eating a grilled cheese sandwich my mom made me. she warned me it was hot, but i didnt listen. i picked that sucker up and bit into it. super hot cheese landed on my foot. i screamed and no one believed me. so i have this scar on my foot from hot cheese.
also i have this shiny spot on my leg that i dont remember what happened. i asked my mom like last year what it was from, and she told me when i was a baby she spilled hot coffee on me.

MoonKiller said...

I feel a bit faint after that, not good with blood and injuries and stuff.

I remember when I was little I was playing out in the garden sporting a brand new plain white tee and fell on my face, knocked my top front teeth out and the bottom two went halfway into my lip, plain white tee ruined yet no scars to show.

Also, I've become very accident prone lately. In the space of two weeks I've damaged the ligaments in my right hand and dislocated my thumb. Not a good move.

Julia said...

I kind of am in love with scars, especially if they have stories.

I have a couple good ones, usually from being drunk, enthusiastic, a klutz, or some combination. But my favorite is the one I got when I was six. I hope you don't mind me sharing.

I decided one night I should sharpen all of my pencils for school. I was sitting cross legged in a chair in our living room, pencil sharpener in my left hand hand, and a stack of unsharpened pencils next to my left leg, watching a tv show with my parents. When I was done sharpening a pencil, I would put it on the chair next to my right leg. I had a pretty solid system going and created a nice little pile of pencils.

Something on tv spooked me, so I jumped or twitched or made some sudden movement and then felt this really intense pain in my thigh. I looked down, there was one of the pencils was jammed point first into my thigh.

I calmly walked over to my dad with the pencil sticking out of my leg and asked him for help. (Rescue 911 was one of my favorite shows as a kid, so I knew that you shouldn’t remove impaled objects from a wound because it could cause further injury. In hindsight, I don’t think it was a good idea for a 6 year old to watch that much intense medical reality shows, but that’s a different story entirely.)

My dad, of course, freaked out, rushed me to the kitchen where he set me on the table and slowly pulled out the pencil. While doing this, he was on the phone with one of those urgent care nurses, who told him that I didn't need to be taken to the emergency room (it wasn’t very deep), but if it starts to look infected in a couple days, he should take me to my regular doctor.

Even at the time, I thought my dad was being a little dramatic, it was just a pencil. But I did notice that the wound didn't really bleed, and no mater how hard my dad tried, the graphite point would not completely come out.

So now, I have a little blue dot above my right knee where I accidentally stabbed myself.

Vashti said...

We are most definitely superheroes of some sort. I'm not sure what kind of super powers we have besides our ability to avoid death from small injuries with BIG STORIES.

And for the record, orange peelers look like crochet hooks and apple peelers are really just potato peelers. The more you know!

riese said...

elliB the scar wasn't that bad, or that deep. it was one of those scars that was only noticable to me and people with an eye for such things, which was too much/enough.

Coccer is like playing soccer but in Spain, and with conch shells.

amaya: I'm not, but I want your name, can we trade, that woudl make e intense. I am really happy that someone else in the world has shared in my experience of falling throgh a piece of furniture, usually when i describe it to people they don't know what I'm talking about.

autumn m: My Dad used to tell me that when I was a little bitty baby in a crado he dropped me on my head. Actually I think that was a song he used to sing. I am glad you don't have staples in your head i was nervous about that. You should yell at your Mom about spilling the hot coffee. I feel like a lot of your stories involve bad things happening and people not listening correctly.

Moonkiller: Never wear a white t-shirt to playtime, crazy shit can happen, you can end up bloody and dirty like you wouldn't believe. Or you would because you did.

Don't end up with staples in your head, y'hear? Just tonight I slipped and banged my knee on the floor and burnt my sliced finger on a pan I thought I could move and I don' know why I thought I could move it like that.

Julia: I love sharing. I wish we still had pencil sharpeners, not the mechanical ones but like the cranky ones. Now everyone can cheat.

Is the little blue dot the pencil still being above your right knee? I got in a fight with another kid in like 4th grade and he stabbed me with a pencil in my arm, I remember I was the one who got in trouble, for some reason, like because I'd made fun of him or something. I've tried to turn that into a profession, one day Ilene chaiken will come after me with a pencil and stab me ith it.

That's amazing that your dad was so concerned, I have friends like that now, who always think worst case scenario. Also though I wasn't allowed to watch TV with commercials in it, let alone Rescue 911.

vashti: Or earth, wind, fire, air, water, et.c like captain planet. I'd also like to be magnito, that girl was smokin' hot.

I love potato peelers.

Bokolis said...

Klutz ain't the word. Naturally, you don't have coverage. I'm amazed you've made it this far.

As a cured klutz, the good thing about being built like a running back is that, when I spazzed out, other people get scars.

It's a good thing you were balanced out by having a lot of people that like you.

Ingrid said...

I just related the story of the bike messenger running over your foot to someone yesterday! I must've done a poor job conveying how truly traumatic it was to have something like that happen w/o health insurance, by a heavy guy wearing chains on a mountain bike, in NYC, 50 blocks from the hospital and both of us too poor to just jump in a cab (we had a 5 minute conference about price v. convenience I think), once in hospital surrounded by people literally peeing blood and ramming drunkenly into the automatic doors while we just tried to get you a damn x-ray and me calling my dad to see if he could diagnose you based solely on his experience as a U-11 soccer coach, because this person who I told didn't gasp and say "Oh my god, that's terrible!" They just said, "Huh." They probably had health insurance their whole life or something.

Hope you're meditating on the life of Christ today.

Jezzica said...

You're like the epitome of what Mom calls "Summer Legs."