Friday, April 10, 2009

'Cause All The Love's Alive Tonight

Will I ever, ever


be the kind of person who can go to sleep at a reasonable hour? At what point do I give in to my body and what it wants? I've eliminated the variables, I've re-instated some or another. Yet still here we are, me and the future which I imagine will last 'til 4 or 5. I must love it here, the freedom of the whole country sleeping and me awake, alone, in the dark. Physically alone. I have to specify that now.

Will I ever, ever



I've never been the star of this show, but I keep losing my leads like love, rising stars and shooting stars, it's all the same.

I used to date people who'd come over late for one reason or another. You sleep differently when you're waiting to be woken. Or when I took three sleeping pills and he still made me go to Denny's at 3 AM 'cause he was hungry and I thought I was going to become Moons over My Hammy, nearly passing out like a senior citizen on narcotics right there in the booth, like a physical gag in a dark comedy. That's one example of a variable I've eliminated (dating late workers, being a late worker myself) and yet still here I am awake. I'm in Ohio at someone else's house in the suburbs of Cleveland and I'm sober and nothing is happening here in the silent silent silence. Yet I never want to be alive/awake more than I do at 2 AM. 2PM are you kidding me, so much expectation at that hour.

Goodnight Moon. You dark comedy, you.


Mercury said...

no... me neither, it's okay.
what you said about waiting to be woken! soooo true. if I go to bed before Lissa gets home I fully expect her to wake me up all drunk and exuberant, shoes on in my bed, to recount the night's events, then slip away and leave me to dream of them.

my word verification is a real word: tufflize.

i mean almost. I mean it will be, once I give it a definition.

your very late is only the beginning of my night... it's only 10 here. oh, alaska! I gotta get out of this state.

altered_ego said...

i guess some of us are bound to mock the night's authority to silence the rest of the world.

Greg said...

Me too. Which is why I'm awake now to comment on this! Things just make a whole lot more sense to me at 2am than at 10am.

autumn m said...

I relate to this more than I've been able to relate to alot of the things you've written lately. I feel so distant from everyone and everything lately..... Even the Internet world.

I love the late nights cause it's a time when I can really be me and not have to be socially accepted. I can just sit and read for hours and not have anyone question my social abilities. It's like my haven. Does that make since?

Anonymous said...

You can always wander over to Pittsburgh.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I've been working 9-to-5 (plus events) for three years now, and I still can't fall asleep early enough to make the mornings tolerable. Since being forced to buy a car due to lack of public transportation, I miss most the extra hour-plus of sleep I'd get between both ends of the commute.

vikki said...

I have always felt panicky when I can't sleep in the middle of the night. The only time I felt at peace was when I was nursing the kids. Not because I had the fuzzy wuzzy nursing feelings one is supposed to have (never did really) but simply because I had to learn to give myself over to the night. Once I could do that, I could enjoy the silence and the dark.

saint modesto said...

I used to have really bad insomnia too, but once I started going to bed consistently at a good time it went away (for the most part). If you always go to bed at 4 am then your body won't want to sleep at 11 pm so you have to get it in the habit of doing that. That being said, everything good that I've ever written has happened between 1 and 5 in the morning.

madame psychosis said...

Yes. i like early morning best.

Atherton Bartelby said...

I am so right there with you: in the darkness of 2AM, when the silence and darkness themselves seem to vibrate with life. That's where it's at; that's when it happens.

Fuck that 2PM bullshit. ;-P

(OMG pardon my language!)

FrozenDurian said...

I prefer night so much more to day. The calmness, silence, and sense of solitude is usually refreshing (when I'm not being freaked out about weird sounds). Plus it's also prime essay-writing time.

But I hate it when I can't sleep from excitement or from thinking about a girl too much. It's just torture.

And then you're expected to wake up at the same time as the rest of society...

----- Jennifer ----- said...

your blog is very nice

laura said...

i think the thing i like about the night is that no one is expecting anything from you; it's like a get-out-of-jail-free card for doing anything you want because whatever you do will already be more than sleeping.

i think i have better nights when i'm self-medicating with ira glass because if i stay up i hear a good story and if i fall asleep i have crazy dreams.

i think that "sleep tonight" is one of the prettiest songs ever ever made.

asher said...

i used to say i wanted/needed to live in a city, so that even when i'm not doing anything... at least i know others around me are LIVING.

ps - i wrote this a while ago, mostly so I wouldn't forget.

Jean said...

Okay, so you have created quite the simulating blog- which i've been reading for some time- and i'm finally compelled to comment. You are awesome and what can i say other than, yeah I get that. Please keep doing your thing. It's pretty great.

Jean said...

oh crap. *stimulating* see this is why i don't comment.

Sexie Sadie~ said...

2 am is the witching hour. So much can, or can't happen. But, 2 am is even better when sober :)