Friday, April 17, 2009

This Girl is 12, She Called Automatic Rhyme, I'm Emo, Maybe 12 or 13 and I'm Fine

Insomnia Poem #500

There's no-one to [redact]
It was just an act

Not mine -- I'm fine
we missed all the signs,
always pushing my love
under your Borderline

'Cause I thought I knew the distance
between reason and rhyme
but really you were lying
all that time

So I'm angry, but I'm fine
No gun, I'm stunned, no crime.

Sometimes I wonder who you really are
Sometimes I wonder why you never fixed your car

While you waited for us to tell you who to be,
As mirrors go --

I like yours,

I mean
that's what I wanted to see.


Well we're done, now it's over, now we're free --
All I wanted
was safety --

What came first, my helplessness, or you helping me?

You'll be busy with
your cast of 99,
though no one's on the other line

Your gifts soothed my spine
You built my castle, poured our wine
Whatever I wanted; you made it mine mine mine
You offered, you protected, you designed,
hire me, fire me, thrill me, fill me.

I'd taken care of everyone else for so long, you know?
My heart got snagged in the undertow
and
they admired me, inspired me, killed me, billed me
but you ...
you
chilled me ...


You flew in on a whim, we were stars, so I shined
We played, we complained, we drove, we dined ...

So I'm grateful, I'm fine
I'm lucky to be on this side.
With my ass off your line.

You made me laugh, I made you laugh, we had fun.

I believed you when you said
that we auto-win some.


Now I'm out from underwater, I'm floating, I'm wood
I'm that guy, Who am I, remind me where I stood
But I don't think you could
or should
or would

Who are you?

Don Quijote sans ambition
A Genie without premonition

Echo without immortal fate
Santa with an expiration date

A savior often spotted running away
An angel no-showing on judgment day

Frank Abagnale but you never took, you gave
The Hipster Grifter sans sexual games
Catch me if you can, and we did, and we cried
Let you back in, and you lied, and you lied.

A martyr, a giver, a servant, our mom
Victim, loner, hero, helper,
time bomb


You're sick, she's sick, she died
She sued, she's rude, you lied
She fled, she's dead, I eulogized
I trusted you
we busted you --

You saved, I forgave, I tried

And when you cried, I cried

We got out of town,
We fixed my frown,
made my throne

and my crown --


I wanted to say "this one's on me,"
A renegade team so fancy/free
I said you want sunshine, come with me
your dreams will come true,
I'll fix everything for everyone
starting with you

Why is my anger
so long overdue?

Because you helped so much?
'Cause of all that stuff?

'Cause my broken record's a sad sad song
and it's waaaaaay tooooooo long ...

I was a good friend to you, that's the rub,
Treat me like I'm someone you love --
Like we treated you --

that story's true --


enough is
enough


I love you but
I'm tough

I like it rough



Meanwhile, we'll sort through the stories, what remains
The honest hearts waiting in the wings, soul-stained
and oh I'll try to explain.
"Here I am again, wanting to place blame ...
and I'm ashamed."
I'll try to fix the honest love that stuck around
Here I am again, myself, and I've found

Folding into you
Was not the thing to do

This story's
true: fuck you.



I never had a chance
You never wanted to be well
There'll always be new lies to tell --

It never had to be me myself
did it
there's always somebody else
quit it

Let's dance

I like your pants

Where's my grant.

Nevermind I don't want it
you can take that grant
and suck it.

I never asked for that.
Tit-for-tat.

And I'm no sleuth
All I wanted

was your truth.

22 comments:

Molly said...

I really really like this. a lot

Rachel said...

"you can take that grant and suck it." i don't know how long i've been waiting to hear that for

a;ex said...

So fucking perfect. Like, so perfect. I will keep this forevs. I like that I know what you're talking about. The fact that you can tell a story in a rhyming poem is amazing to me.

carlytron said...

I agree with a;ex. Hands down totes.

butcanshedance said...

yes. this was good.

a mom?

hmm.

Haviland Stillwell said...

oh riese. again, this must go in the book...amazing how you just put it all out there and I was there and you were there and we were all so there.

Natazzz said...

Awesome. I'm waiting for the performance on video ;-)

mindy said...

This was great. You have a great sense of rhythm in both your prose and poetry.

But that being said, I still wish you'd start getting some more sleep.

asher said...

me likes. a lot.

well done.

Duck said...

This is...wow. I'm speechless.
On of the best writings you wrote on this blog.
It's just wow, and rhyming.

Sherri said...

I love this, I love this, I love this. That's all I have to say.

laura said...

i like this so much. especially this: "What came first, my helplessness, or you helping me?"

saint modesto said...

sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on.

caitlinmae said...

broken record but
1. love it
2. can't wait to see it performed
3. in american apparel boy shorts and tube socks and anger.
4. you're stellar and raw and your talent is fierce

crystal said...

This made me tear up. You took me there, and I thought I was already but I wasn't at all. Agreed, perfect.

Anonymous said...

So, I've been a reader/viewer of yours for a while, but have never written for some reason. I think you are amazing, and all of these words some how make so much more sense than the lost words most people try to write. I love the way you write. okay, now i seem like a huge creep, but really, I'm just a weird college kid that enjoys drinking and holidays like 4/20. Have a good one! and.. you are going far... if any of these people have any sense to them. for sure. take care!

myspace.come/onenightincolby

Anonymous said...

i adore you.

riese said...

you guys are so sweet and awesome. i love that this is still a place i can come with all my weirdo feelings and get support and flattery like this. it might seem like i'm not doing the "one by one responding" thing, but i still am! when i post another blog, I just would say thank you thank you, thank you. so thank you.

Mercury said...

just echoing back in kind. I love insomnia poetry. this one especially. you're amazing.

Anonymous said...

this is phenomenal writing. like sylvia plath meets dr. seuss or something. it's hard to explain, but it has a great sonic quality to it and is so well-crafted and introspective. not to mention relatable! the mark of a great writer is the ability to tell universal human stories with beautiful words, and you've done that. i think if steinbeck wrote poetry, it would look like this. keep it up, and someday people will be comparing newer writers to you! :)

-katie

cycnet said...

I just found your blog through the interlinks of the interwobs, and I must say, it is already a fave.

With power-try like this you must have engaged in slamming at some point, am I write?

Anyway, thanks for putting this juju into the electrowebs. I look forward to reading more.

Barbara said...

OMFG
please don't sleep
I mean

where is that book you're gonna publish

something is wrong with the world if you are not the most read writer in the world yet