One VLOG of Magic Rush w/Semicolon & Your Auto-Fun of the Day:: 4-7-08

I can't decide if I'm hot or cold: do I need a hoodie? Yes! No. Yes! I think I must be going through menopause, which it just took me five attempts to spell correctly. Anyhow, menopause wouldn't surprise me I guess, 'cause nothing does anymore! E.g., you're probs not too surprised that this isn't a Sunday Top Ten, and perhaps you're only slightly surprised that I haven't, in fact, posted anything since Friday night. Furthermore, my nail polish is chipping, I accidentally made a freshdirect order that was 50% wine 50% potato products, I'm wearing sweatpants (and a hoodie -- no, yes, no, yes) & listening to Tegan & Sara, I think someone just got shot on my street, I almost had to kill a bitch at the post office, and I've consumed approx. ten string cheeses this weekend. Also I don't think I've eaten a piece of fresh fruit since I lived at home in 1995. That's neither here nor there. Actually, I guess, technically -- it is right here.

So even though I wasn't able to produce much writing this weekend, I was near-done with a vlog anyhow and so I GOT IT for you right here and also, there's AUTO-FUN after the video. A Sunday Top Ten may or may not follow later this week ... so many things happening! I'm sure about 15-16 of you are on the edges of your proverbial seats for "Stuff I've Been Reading: March," and there's Autowin's Second Birthday and everything related to my new-improved awareness of your wants, desires & needs following the reader survey.

Sooo ... this week via "Hav (But Really A;ex) & Riese Vlog #22: Whatever You Want, Whatever You Need," I continue my Sisyphysian labor of convincing you that even though Haviland's still walkin' on sunshine in L-to-the-A, we can still make entertaining vlogs starring cute homosexual ladies/men. Upcoming guest vloggers include Carlytron and Natalie (who isn't necessarily homosexual, but is very open-minded and feminist). When exactly? I dunno. Eventually.

But srsly, this week's super-special, 'cause I figured out how to download movies off of youtube, and therefore our "Dancing with the Stars" tribute to Jodi/Marlee Matlin is ... um ... super-special? It's a good thing I didn't try to write anything real this week. Anyhow, topics include: SHE CAN'T HEAR THE MUSIC, A;ex's loss of innocence, A;ex's love of the sport and/or Lozo, Alex's long career as a cheerleader experience, and the Tinkerbell/Littlefoot/RuPaul "thing."

Also I accidentally left a random clip on the end about 20 seconds after the video should end ... 'cause I'm a genius. I think it was fate, you guys really need to know about my bangs. There's more solid footage on this vlog left, which I'll probs integrate into the next vlog.

AND! Now! The Vlog soundtrack page has been updated.

---

Auto-Fun of the Day :: 4- 7-2008
quote: "Maybe I've finally arrived at that high plateau / where philosophy lives with despair, / where nothing can be done but know / nothing can be done. / Maybe that's why I'm laughing, / why I feel like saying Jesus Christ / over and over again, as if it were a mantra / full of amazement and resignation." (Stephen Dunn, "Amidst the Faltering")

---

links:
1) Bloggers have a lot of feelings, often die from it, the NYT is again about a year late on their latest trend piece: In Web World of 24/7 Stress, Writers Blog Until They Drop" ... also, some of it's kinda true ... but seriously, those salary claims again?! (@nytimes)
2) "Technically, I'm still reading about 400 novels."(@the elegant variation)
3) "The Best Books, articles, and web sites to help you organize your life" cites one of my favorite articles, "The Autumn of the Multitaskers." (@slate.com)
4) YES SHE CAN: "Scarlett Johanasson Makes Best-Ever Album By An Actor." (@nymag culture vulture)
5) Big Boi of Outkast has joined the Atlanta Ballet: "Pirouettes and Street Cred: Atlanta's Hip-Hop Ballet" (@nytimes)
6) It all began with Oscar Wilde -- "iconoclastic, bisexual, Irish" -- who "pioneered the cult of youth and turned himself into a brand." (@times uk)
7) Mixed-gender housing in college dormitories is "edging into the mainstream." (@boston globe)
8) accrding to sum smart ppl from harvard u, web vid's dont have 2 b "vapid" and so they made a site culled BigThink : "YouTube for Smart People" (@the nation)
9) "Do you get the impression that the Dalai Lama is not exactly the brightest bulb in the room?” Pico Ayer's new book "searches" for the enigmatic religious leader. (@nytimes book review)
10) I don't really know what to say about this clip from British drama "Skins": yay lesbian kissing, boo any references to "the power of the pussy"? but I can totally say thank you eric mathew for alerting me to "The Big Gay L Word Promo," which is fo'real funny. (@youtube)

Commenter Awards: I Listen In, Yes I'm Guilty of This, You Should Know This

Tonight, Haviland and I will be filming our fourth VLOG, in which we'll be tap-dancing to the sound of iced tea being stirred and doing magic tricks -- I mean -- ILLUSIONS -- with live felines representing the full scale of Mac Operating Systems, e.g., Leopards and Tigers. Haviland will be making out with that girl from Heroes, which I've never seen. Also, there'll be flying lesbians, slam poetry, an affirmative action debate between Shane and Jordan Catalano, and a performance of the entire score of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which luckily, I've been in. And also. Also. Also : eons ago, my Dad and brother took me golfing and, in order to ensure that all parties were exactly as miserable as I was, I performed the entire score of Joseph by myself, skipping lyrics I forgot, as we progressed from hole to hole. I was prepubescent and my voice was slightly better than it is now, which means it wouldn't necessarily kill you to hear it, but it might ruin your day, or your 18 holes.

Why this announcement? Because, unlike the first 4-5 lines of that paragraph, I was totes serious about the "comment of the week" thing I mentioned. But actually, it's "comment of the last two weeks." The auto-winner will receive ... um. Hm. Nothing? A link? Sometimes teevee people mail me things that I'm supposed to promote or talk about [read: tear to pieces and hate all over], and then I forget about it, I just like getting packages. I've got the first season of Dexter, the first season of Lesbian Sex and Sexuality, or um ... an autographed headshot of Haviland? A signed copy of Erotic Interludes 2: Stolen Moments, which I've got a really terrible terrible story in? But I bet the rest of the stories are really good, it's just mine, that's really bad. But um, I don't really need to give a prize actually. I dunno, what do you guys think? There's still a date with Lozo to give away. Eh, who needs a prize, the game is the fun part.

Also we need a judge, because I don't like judging things. Anyone wanna judge? The only requirement is that you be free around 9 P.M. Eastern Standard Time tonight -- 10.29.07 -- to provide your judgment. You can be anonymous if you want, and you can't make yourself the winner, unless you really deserve it. Email or comment, whatevs. If not, I've got some people I can cajole into doing it, so the show will go on.

Anyhow, we will read the top two winners out loud for your pleasure on tonight's vlog. Maybe we'll read all of them, who knows. If you'd like to nominate someone, please do so in the comments below. I don't really feel like going through them all right now, because I'm busy obvs, but just so you know, these are the posts with eligible comments: Why Don't We Get Hot and VLOG?, Great Mysteries of Life Ctd. , Whoever Creates a New Word For VLOG ..., Top 10 Harder Things, Top 8 Easier Things, and Sunday Top 10: I Just Wanna Be Bad.

Also. Also. Also. By "Best" I probs mean "most soundbyte-worthy." I dunno what I mean, actually, it doesn't matter, everything is meaningless.

I haven't gone through the comments at all, but I have cut and paste some into this little stickie on my desktop over the last two weeks [therefore; being excluded from this list is totes meaningless and reflective of nothing, nominate away] ... but some that are already in the running, fo-sho:

stef, re: Great Mysteries of Life #2

"i thought of an unanswerable question today: who the fuck are all the cab drivers talking to on their cell phones all day? each other? is it like the party line of cab drivers? is it like the telephone hour on bye bye birdie? like HIII ACHMED! HIII MOHAMMAD! WHAT'S THE STORY, MORNING GLORY? WHAT'S THE TALE, NIGHTENGALE? DID YOU HEAR ABOUT HUGO AND KIM!??!?! srsly now."

re: Harder Things

"things that are easier than most people think they'd be: me after a couple of drinks. OHHH."

"a;ex vega," re: Whoever Creates a New Word For Vlog

"Dear riese and haviland,

i watched your va-log (kinda sounds short for "vaagina monologues" eh?) for a seocnde time. this time i was a little durnk,
i ejoyed it even more tahn the fist time. aaand i thought you'd appreciat e that in some wierd wa.y
am i correct? yes?

sincerely forever,
anonymous"

Lozo, re: "I Just Want to Be Bad"

"Just like every other comment thread here, it breaks down into a discussion about sodomy. It's why I come back."

MeL, re: "I Just Want to Be Bad"

"Also? I enjoy the penis quite thoroughly, but I would still lick your face if I happened to be next to you on the subway. (If I happened to be in New York.) I bet you taste like tapioca pudding."

Moonkiller, re: "Harder Things"

"I hate it when people mess you around when your trying to get coffee. It's like I just want my coffee please and thank you, make Rhian wait and Rhian'll make you bleed. It doesn't help that they're all like Russian and don't understand what your saying they're all 'Do want any space in your coffee?' and then obvs I'm like 'Noooo' and they come back with 'So, space yes?'

A'ight. Get on it.