Thursday, March 13, 2008

Sunday Top Ten: Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

Hi, we're in Texas! I've never been to Texas before, but obvs Tinkerbell will go anywhere for Uh Huh Her. Anyhow! Enough about me, stuffed animals and fan contests ... let's move on to the succulent red meat of this five-course blog: The Sport. That's right, sports! Sweaty athletes, flying balls, home runs, Dana Fairbanks, Anna Kournikova and those nimble determined gymnasts who sacrifice puberty for balance beams. Lozo, The Voice of Dissent, doesn't like my blog anymore 'cause he thinks I write too much about reading -- odd: post-vlog, the blog's basically become Lozo's Emperor's Club. But you know, that's fine. I'll post on his favorite (some might say only) topic, The Sport. You may think I do not like the sport 'cause I prefer speaking about my no.1 feeling: reading, and my no.2-100 feelings: also not sports. But obviously I DO like the sport, every day I go to gym and do sport for 30-60 minutes -- I get a sweaty forebrow, pump the iron with hot bodies, I'm heart-healthy, drink eight glasses of water a day and so forth.

Also I'm often dodging cars like Frogger. Like her. Uh Huh ... her. You've gotta be quick on your feet in this city. Sporty Spice is my fashion icon.

It's dark in here in our hotel; we've accidentally unplugged all the lights in favor of plugging in laptops. Mood lighting.

Are you in Austin for SXSW? Say so! There's a lot of bloggers blogging about SXSW this week, so I'll have to pick and choose what I choose to speak of. In the meantime, onto America's National Obsession, Much to my Bewilderment: The Sport.
Thursday Top Ten: The Sport
10. Biking
I listed "Biking" as one of my top eight activities on college applications, my friends made fun of me, but I spent more time biking than I did at Student Council. I abandoned the bike when I moved to the city; couldn't show up sweaty everywhere. One summer though I couldn't take it anymore, sharing an office with Cameron who's obsessed with bikes, and M needed money for his manic island-crossing activities and was begging me to buy his and so I did and pedaled right back into the magic. The riding home in early evening was best -- I could sweat all I wanted. Starting along the Upper West's complacent refinery, across Central Park, breaking out onto Park Avenue, tearing through East Harlem -- rickety against abundant construction sites' gravel & surprising slopes, nearly skating on uptown's water-slick streets where kids play with hoses & sprinklers in the summertime. I wore M's rollerblading helmet. I listened to my iPod though everyone advises against it. If I crash, I will crash listening to Madonna. At home, walking back upstairs and lugging the bike, my legs felt like firecrackers. Maybe Noah was making dinner. The hallways in my building smelled like vegetables cooking, and dirt.
9. Basketball

I wholeheartedly love the game of basketball, as I've said before. It's fast, you can see faces, and a college basketball stadium during the Final Four is an invigorating room. I believe I've written several times on my love of the Fab Five and so forth. Chris Weber, etc. Number one favorite sport to watch. I once played, we were defeated every season. That's the opposite of undefeated.
8. Synchronized Swimming:
I'm a sucker for a good synchronized event (e.g., large musical numbers in children's films, Newsies), and an even bigger fan of old movie scenes with the ladies and the glitter and the legs kicking in the pool. Why don't they make movies like that anymore? I might actually go to movies if Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johanasen were splashing about and kicking legs in the air like mermaids. Good movie, The Little Mermaid.
7. Sledding
My favorite part of sledding is when it's over and then you can go home and drink hot chocolate. I like things that are both simple and fun.

6. Wrestling:

I'm a somewhat physically playfully aggressive person, just ask Carly, who I almost killed at the Tegan & Sara concert. I think that humans are a lot like monkeys, if we just let ourselves be free. I've never been an actual fight and I'm not an abusive person clearly, I like to wrestle out of joy, wrestling out of anger is demented and sad (sorry but it is). What was I talking about? Oh yes, men in tights like in The Breakfast Club, great film. Actual wrestling, especially World Wide Whatevers, is not fun or interesting. Actually I think it's the first horseman/knight/whatever of the apocalypse. Nevertheless, I've been known to challenge people to arm wrestling and lose. I have arms like little birds.

5. Baseball

Still my favorite team is the Brooklyn Dodgers. Something robust and romantic, American, the sandlot. I think there was a national dream I once believed in, I think it had something to do with the number 42, dirt-and-grass-stained white pants, the word "home run," hot dogs, the excruciating possibility of extra innings, and how green everything seemed [or black and white, in photos] when the night-lights snapped on. Also, A League of Their Own -- raise your hand if you know the song by heart about the All American Girls 'cause I do! Now I just see beefy muscles. Baseball player biceps remind me of my ex-boyfriend who never cried except almost once, when the Yankees lost the series. I think I prefer movies about baseball to actual baseball, 9 times out of 10.

4. Love
There was this YA Novel called M.V. Sexton Speaking that I read during The Summer I Decided to Read Every YA Novel in the Library (I believe I was 11 and clearly super-cool) and in it -- and again, I could be wrong here, 'cause I was wrong about the Pam Houston essay, clearly I have groundhog memory -- she signed a letter with "love and other indoor sports," which I thought was really clever. I use it all the time now and pretend like I'm the clever one when it wasn't me. All I know fo'sho is that I got the idea from a YA novel. Maybe that one. Maybe another. I'm old.

We did a lot of this before we were old enough to drink. I was never good at it, I just enjoy themed attractions. Like Pirate's Cove. Mostly the game was a sport of silent hockey between the part of my mind that was putt-putting away and the part that wanted to smash the fake windmill with my tiny club, drop my ball w/deceptive calmness into the fucking hole, throw everyone else's balls into the SARS-infested turquoise "river" and say '"I won!" even though I never won. At Putt-Putt you could win crazy prizes my Mom called "dust collectors." Also in Ypsilanti my friends got arrested at Putt-Putt for staying out past "curfew."
2. Soccer:

I played soccer for a long time so I feel obligated to include it on this list. It was fun, except when we had to run around in circles for no apparent reason and practice heading or chest-butting the ball. I liked chocolate chip pancakes after school before practice; cramps ensued. The girls were cute.
1. Exercise
All humans should exercise their bodies, I recommend the local gymnasium. I enjoy reading magazines on the Stairmaster and doing about 10-20 crunches, but many athletes enjoy more vigorous activities that could even be called "sports," like kickboxing and spinning. The Heart association says exercising is good for your hearts. I typed "heat" first instead of "heart." That's fine, it's likely the heat people think so too, except they've also got opinions about hydration. The obesity people say healthy exercise is good for your girth. Run, Forrest, Run! Tinkerbell enjoys frolicking, in Second Life Dwight is like Dwight except he can fly (I just read that in "bitch" magazine). My Mom used to mall walk. I'd cut corners, you can't cut corners, you may as well cut your life in half, let alone your girth.
This Week in Corrections:
29 days in February guys. 29.
This Week's Question:
What's your favorite sport? Figure skating, tennis club, ice hockey? Polo? Foosball? Guitar Hero?
I always wanted to play rugby because it seemed to be a big hit amongst lesbos, and I liked the shirts. Also it seemed to involve wrestling.

Sports I am bad at : volleyball.
Sports that make best movies: basketball, baseball.
I liked Rock 'n Jock, whatever happened to that?
There's supposed to be a softball tournament and a Rock 'n Rollerderby here at SXSW, both of those things sound delicious!!


Allie said...

"Love and other indoor sports" is from Judy Blume's Starring Sally J. Friedman as Herself. My mom once bought me every Judy Blume book that existed for Christmas, because I preferred Christopher Pike's edgy murder-mysteries at 9 or 10 years old, and my mom felt Judy was more acceptable. I grew to love those books, and I read that one a hundred times, trying to *get* racism.

Chloe said...

have you ever seen the powerthirst videos on youtube? because that gives a shout out to anna kournikova too.

and also, you should probably include dance in there somewhere. because it's fun. and dancers are cool people, too. (except in performing arts high schools where they're all hoes.) when i was at chelsea studios the other day i had a thrilling conversation with a lady before her dance audition for the producers. we discussed the war in iraq, how razrs really are the superior phones for texting, even though people like to tell us that they're pieces of shit, and how when it comes to shirts there's no such thing as too shear.

i'm off topic. go watch powerthirst in all it's politically incorrect glory.

Crystal said...

Uh huh wha?

I particularly enjoy softball and fencing, however Guitar Hero is by far my favourite real sport.

Gtg, need to find out what's happening with Rock n' Rollerderby.

Anonymous said...

Hiiiiii... I saw a sign today for the softball thingy, let's play ball... I love sports, you already know this, but I'm sharing with the group. Today in the taxi I correctly identified David Robinson and Juan the driver was impressed. Let's go see ut oh her later mmmmmmk?

flynn said...

crew!! except for the time it made me puke, but that was alright, we need to do these things sometimes.

but seriously, i think a league of their own was the first movie i was obsessed with as a child and it's still probably in my top 15 or so, i don't know, i watch a lot of movies. but man..what a tear-jerker at the end! gets me every time! why did madonna make such a sad song?

eric mathew said...

I have to agree... Newsies is amazing. So amazing that I was singing it this morning to myself. I really want a live stage musical of it, so Hav can be in the ensemble selling papes.

I played baseball because the pants were tight. the rest can be up to your imagination. i knew i had to retire from soccer when i "on-purpose" kicked the ball into my goal so the game could be over.

and yes...i do know the words from league of their own. it's basi the best movie ever. more because i think about how rosie and madge were probs so much fun to work with on it and how they sang evita together.

e. said...

Since you asked, and since I can never make anything less than complicated....

The sports that have, at some point, been my favourites to actually do:
bike riding
curling (very briefly, 'kay? It's kinda fun. Quit laughing)
competitive showjumping
awkwardly moping (circa mid-teens)
reading marathons
guitar hero, obvs
ipod dancin'

taking long walks to nowhere
real guitar playing
still ipod dancin'

To watch, I like icy sports on tv, like hockey and figure skating (it's probs a Canadian thing), and also the Olympics, both winter and summer. Occasionally I'll go to baseball or football games with friends or cousins, but not for the sport itself so much as for the evening air in August and the slanting sunlight, for the hotdogs and bad nacho cheese, and especially for the people-watching--little kids with wise grandpas, crazy-ass frat boys with body paint and noisemakers, die-hard fans who know every player's name and number, sweating and knuckle-biting and following each play with wild, overinvested eyes. I root bandwagonishly for the home team, buy me some overpriced crackerjacks, and feel, for at least a few hours, part of it all.

PS--I agree that joyful play-wrestling is way awesome, but all other wrestling basically sucks. Glad you made that important distinction.

Anonymous said...

Basketball is a good sport to play, and I enjoy jogging too. I like the atmosphere at baseball games. Football and college basketball are the best sports to watch.

This is a great time of year for college basketball...I hope my favorite team does well in the tournament. P.S. I think the UMich sanctions were a little too harsh.

Lozo said...

Client 11 here. this blog sucks. it's all sports, all the time. can't we talk about books? or feelings? or books about feelings?

my whole blog world has been turned upside down today. you're blogging about sports. secret sports bloggers are revealing themselves as people i used to work with. dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria!

this blog is the best. go to the real world house and get naked with melinda. i'm sure she's still hanging around there. i'll pay you $4,100 to do so.

Ms. Jackson said...

Dodgeball anyone?

Oooh,and flip cup. You can call me the one flip wonder.

asher said...

so i played softball all through college (and pretty much my whole life leading up to that, as well) but my favorite answer so far to read has been when someone suggested "competitive showjumping" cos i like to think of someone reading that and not realizing it's at all related to horses. sounds like a better form of freestyle walking.

if this doesn't make sense i haven't slept in about a week.

seeing as you appreciate graphic design and all that, side note for you here:
i don't know if this happened already or not, but there's supposed to be a art/band poster trade show thing happening down at SXSW. really good people you have heard of, or should learn about, in the design field (and all the killer screenprinted posters that have been all the rage) will be there including one of my teachers, robert lee (

i think it's the one free event at SXSW so you should totally check it out.

a;ex said...

The only sport I prefer not to play? (Cause I may or may not be horrible at it...) Soccer.

Ping pong anyone? oooo and manhunt! I feel like I can go on about various competitive physical activites forevs...

Dancing is DEF a sport! It's also fun, foreplay, what's for dinner, and my number two feeling.

I think wrestling is my number one feeling right now.

Razia said...

Ha, love as a sport. I accidentally typed bloodsport, Freud anybody?

I've got to say that my fave sport has totally got to be scuba diving.

EMB said...

First time commenting. I love the blogs, vlogs, etc. but I'm never sure what to say because my number one and two feelings are science and sports.

Anyhow, I enjoyed playing softball during high school. I like almost every sport, but I'm not very competitive. My favorite sport to watch is college basketball, and on occasion I like MMA.

Bridget said...

kickball and whiffle ball anyone?

Bridget said...

holla ms. jackson - good call - and i am fa real

ABeos said...

ultimate frisbee. probably one of the geekiest sports, but the only one i'll play.

dewey said...

League of Their Own is such a great movie!!! I love it!!

My favourite sport is such a hard thing to pick. I love watching the Olympics, I can probably tell you almost every medal the UK won in Athens. When the Olympics are on I will probably change my favourite sport daily, but here we go to try and answer the 5

5. Football- When I was growing up this was defiantly my favourite sport but I kind of grew out of it. I still follow my team and watch England and have a casual kick-about every now and again.

4. Badminton- I just love playing it.

3. Athletics- I love watching it. Running was never my thing but when it came to the high jump and triple jump I was there on sports day!

2. Rugby, a good old fashioned Englishman’s game. I love going to Twickenham to watch England play but lose interest when you get below International level. And as for playing, I hated it at school.

1. I think my top has to be Tennis. I love to play and will do as regularly as I can. My tennis partner and I make a great mixed doubles team. I go to Wimbledon every year, and any other tennis events I can get tickets for. I would love to travel and to the US, French and Australia Open but money just won’t allow it.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Love for the Brooklyn Dodgers, basketball and Newsies ... Dear Riese, where have you been all my life? Yer killin me, kid. --TBB

Victoria said...

ALSO...i find enjoyment in air hockey. And curling might be one of my favorite sports to watch.

Ms. Jackson said...

oops. I forgot to log in with this id. comment above(victoria) is from me.
holla back bridget! Glad that you never meant to make my daughter cry.

riese said...

allie:This Week in Corrections: Sally J. Friedman. I somehow remembered only the part about there being a female narrator in the title. Oh! Sally J.! What a book. I was forbidden to read Christopher Pike, but I read all of Judy's ... trying to *get* everything.

chloe: I don't know what powerthirst is, but it sounds tasty! I thought about dance. I like watching people dance, like synchronized swimming. I had a roommate once with a tap floor. Tapitty tap tap.

crystal: uh huh ... HER. I think Mario Kart is by far my favourite real sport, besides burglery.

caitttt: Did you just learn how to share with the group? I know who david Robinson is I think he played for the spurs. Totally did not look that up. uhoh her.

flynnn: OMG I was on the crew team at SLC for about two weeks, the early morning practices killed me. This Used to be My Playground would inspire me to sit in the girl's room at school dances and weep softly to myself about days gone by. TMI? maybe.

eric mathew: I think it's never bad to start your day with "sieze the day" you know? I loved the Rosie-Madge dynamic on that movie. i've been campaigning for a life stage musical of it forevs, just 'cause I wanna see Never Fear Brooklyn is Here. Also imagining you kicking the ball into your own goal made me LOL.

e. I am also a fan of tree-climbing, fort-building (best when done in a row -- climb the tree, build the fort), moping, reading marathons, ipod dancing, jogging, long walks to nowhere, and further ipod dancing. I like to watch gymnastics.

Your reasons for going to live sports games are all my reasons : the ambiance, the appropriateness of the word you just invented "bandwagonishly," which's perfect, and the crazy-ass body painted peoples and that horrid nacho cheeese.

anonymous: The Umich sanctions felt like a personal assault on my childhood. Mostly 'cause everyone's doing it --- Umich just got caught. I've got no clue what's happening in college b-ball anymore, I think my heart broke irrevocably after they made us take down our banners.

Lozo: Speaking of sports and books about feelings, have you ever read "Tuesdays with Morrie"? I haven't, but it seems like it'd be right up your alley. Maybe now you'll have to put comments on your blog to respond to everything being upside down. What's with today today, for serious, also, possibly, best comment ever. I never saw the real world, but I feel wherever there's a real world house, there's always a drunk naked chick hanging around, and probably for a significantly cheaper hourly rate. I don't know, I better check her myspace.

Ms. Jackson: I like dodgeball, I was always too scrawny to make a significant target.

asher: Is it true then, that all the girls who play softball in college are lesbians? I totally caught that being related to horses 'cause I used to know many horseback riders, but I like competitive show anything, especially if it involves walking. I'll check out that event of which you speak.

a;ex:omg, let's play soccer, it'll make up for the time(s) you almost beat me at arm wrestling ('til i called game over to declare myeslf the winner). capture the flag? dance dance revolution? fore!play, competitive show-wrestling, catching air?

Razia: Freud, specifically, and not just his theories, would've loved that particular slip. You've got some scuba photos I realize.

EMB: OOO i should do a Top 10 science. i wonder if there's anything about science that I really heart. I liked genetics almost. Monkeys. I like monkeys! What's MMA?

Bridget: Oh you love the sports with dubious balls often played by schoolchildren! That's adorable, seriously, I'm being genuine. That being said, I love kickball.

ABeos: That's what all the cool kids did in college, and I was always confused about what the wind was doing to that disc.

dewey: Football in England is soccer in the US right? and athletics is track? I used to be super-into the olympics, like the speedskaters and the gymnastics and figure skating and the basketball. some years I can't tear myself away, some years I forget it's happening. I like girls who play tennis, nice skirts.

The Brooklyn Boy: I've been in Michigan, watching movies about Brooklyn.

Victoria/ms. jackson: Do you play air hockey sober? That is the question. I think they had killer air hockey at the putt putt arcade.

Lauren said...

Wow, so many feelings:
1)One sport I have not seen mentioned here that is near and dear to my heart: four square. That, along with kickball, dodgeball, capture the flag and a game my friends and I made up where we just ran around the playground pretending to be ponies, defined recess for me in the years between 1988-1994. Four square had a brief renaissance my senior year of college, when it was adopted by all the hipsters at my school. It could not be escaped.

2)Putt-putt always make me think of the beach (specifically Myrtle Beach, SC) because that's really the only place I played it. My dad's family went every year until I was 10. (That year, my sisters and I elected to stay home in KY so we could go to a Milli Vanilli concert. Sad, I know.)

3)My mother taught aerobics for basically my whole childhood, so I'm a big fan. I get nostalgic for the days I was forced to sit in a room watching my mother jump around to Madonna and the Pointer Sisters with a bunch of other ladies (and the occasional dude).

4)Wow, I had forgotten about the Fab Five -- besides Webber, I only remember Jalen Rose. I do, however, have very clear memories of the year they beat us (UK) and then lost to UNC because of that time-out thing with Webber. I felt really bad for him.

5) I also really like figure-skating, though less for the actual sport than for its role in the film The Cutting Edge. Toe pick!

I also played soccer for 15 years, but I don't have anything interesting to say about it.

Finally, because I know you're such a big My So-Called Life fan, I have to tell you that one of my best friends met Wilson Cruz last night! She has photographic evidence and everything.

I'm going to shut up now, as this is the longest comment ever.

Lauren said...

I also have to mention my favorite baseball movie of all time (after A League Of Their Own, obvs): The Sandlot.

There's no question I like movie baseball more than actual baseball. Mostly cause movie baseball never lasts more than two hours and edits out all the boring parts.

I played t-ball when I was very wee. I was the catcher, both because I really loved catching the ball (and I knew they would throw it to me at the end of every play to give it back to the umpire) and because of the accessories (face mask, knee pads).

Okay, I swear I'm shutting up now.

emb said...

Top 10 science is a great idea. MMA is Mixed Martial Arts, aka ultimate fighting.

B. said...

My favorite sport is Uh Huh Her Video Contest camcorder-ing. Zoom visual gymnastics, etc. That, chess, love and other outdoor sports.

asher said...

i can't speak to the truth of the everyone who plays softball is a lesbian thing. i played on the straightest softball team ever. apart from the coach, i was the only one (that's out now, anyway...i suspect a few others). and that was at the GAY ivy. so yeah.

in my experience, basketball tends to have more lesbians. that said, my sister played D3 softball at an all girls school where about half the team was gay. but that was an all girls school, so...

Chloe said...


enjoy the semi-politically incorrect hilarity.

Haviland Stillwell said...

most favorite:
1. dancing (preferably with lifts, a la 'dirty dancing')
2. volleyball
3. water skiiing/knee boarding
4. cardio boxing
5. pool (the table and the water)

least favorite:
1. football
2. board (bored) games (barring trivial pursuit)

Ms. Jackson said...

Oh riese... what type of auto-winner would I be if I were sober for that?

I am also a foosball champion. I almost forgot about that one.

supr said...

Hockey’s fun to play because you slide when you fall, therefore not getting hurt. My number one feeling is avoiding pain. I feel pretty cool, stealing your lingo like that.

I’ll watch anything in its playoffs really. I like seeing people excel under all that pressure. It’s the only time I really care about the outcome. That’s why the Olympics are so cool. Or cool. If you get into it you get really, really into it. I like obsessing. I might consider it my sport of choice.

helenaraye said...

I wish I were in Texas for SXSW ...

I lust for She and Him. I lust for Zooey Deschanel.

Lozo said...

never read it, but back when i had tuesdays off all the time, The Inquisitor and I would go out and drinking. He would call them "Tuesdays With Skvaddy" since that is one of my 45 nicknames. i think that counts as reading the book.

Lozo said...

i could e-mail you, but i'm lazy. your lemon tree quote is messed up, totally ruining my auto-fun.

Lozo said...

auto-fun time travel!

this is more fun than emailing.

Ingrid said...

My favorite sport is frog catching (and releasing) in the summer out in the country at dusk, wearing big rubber boots and carrying a flashlight, a butterfly net, and a Snapple bottle full of whiskey.

Right now there's someone sitting at the table next to me in the library with a book called "The Jew's Body." Wonder what that is- you might want to check it out, it could provide important theoretical underpinnings for the scholarly advances you've been making in the field of jewish bodies.