Monday, March 31, 2008

So Much More Than Just Auto-Fun of the Day :: 3-31-2008

While writing yesterday's Top Ten, I often got stuck spending valuable time going through the multitude of posts I'd already written about my relationship w/this city, and consequently re-working the new post to avoid repeating myself. It took forever and I wasn't happy with the result. Also: every time I trek back into the archives, I'm truly stunned by my capacity for repetition. I wish I had a "Mark as Written" tag on my brain, so I could easily recall what's already been covered.

How consistently I say the same things like they were new things. I've got a common nightmare: I'm relating an anecdote as though it's fresh and exciting while my audience, eyes rolling to skull-backs, suffers through the stale & eager repeat, seething with resentment. Like: on the cruise last summer, Rosie accidentally told the same joke twice in one set, and the experience was to be honest --- jarring. She caught herself, took a drink and apologized, turned it into a new joke, but witnessing the same delivery, made me think -- I do that.

In Ariel Levy's John Waters article, she says any Waters fans would see "his conversation is peppered with reruns and standards ... but it's fine. John Waters's recycling is more interesting than most people's virgin material." Which's something to aspire to.

As a kid, I'd interrupt my Mom if I'd already heard her story: she told me this was rude, as were my corrections. Stephen Dunn, in "The Answers," responds to the question, "why did you leave me?" with "You began to correct my embellishments in public. / You wouldn't let me tell my stories."

Possibly, I've even written about repeating myself before.

There's stories/experiences I already know I tell too often (Olive Garden, life of housewivery/frat rathood, being raised w/o television and artificial coloring, in public high school i wore boxers & skater pants and stared at the ceiling fan a lot, when Matty went to the park to look for osaama and never came back, my ex the cop [what's unfortunate is that I've only got a few exes who I'm certain will never read this, and therefore they're often spoken of/for]), but there's some I don't mean to. Stories about my father I may've told before are the riskiest to re-tell, 'cause no-one wants to interrupt a ghost story. But maybe I don't talk about him as much as I think I do. Which is the problem: I write down so much of what I think, it's nearly impossible to remember what I kept in my head, and what I put into words (therefore changing it immediately).

So, a reader survey! I know, I totally ask so much from you, it's actually semi-obnoxious. But ok -- no need to identify yourself (but you sure can!), and though your comments will be addressed in a larger sense (and possibly specifically, who knows), I don't plan to run down the line in response as I traditionally do. Also; I realize 95% of you won't answer, and that's fine, clearly I took Statistics 350 for a reason, know all about sample size, etc., and also, you don't have to, I appreciate your mysterious eyes. Also if you're my 3-D friend you still have to answer. Feel free to skip one, some or almost all the questions, like if you don't know who Lozo is. Just answer whatever you want.

It's almost time for Auto-Win's SECOND BIRTHDAY! Aren't you excited? Tinkerbell is1

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]
1/a. Have you read archives?
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______."
3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs.
4. What's Lozo's favorite position?
5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi.
6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!
7. omg, thanks!
8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way?
18. anything else? okay.

quote: "I could say that telling her our story, / was a way of bringing you back to life, / and for a while it was, a memorial / made of memory and its words. / But here's what I knew: /Watching her react, I was sure I'd tell our story again, to others. I understood / how it could be taken to the bank, / and I feared I might not ever again / feel enough to know when to stop." (from Stephen Dunn, "The Stories")

1) RKB is on Martha Stewart today, Monday March 31st! (@lusty lady)
2) The 10 Most Insane, Child-Warping Moments of '80s Cartoons (for you who watched teevee as a child) (@topless robot)
3) Insightful thoughts on blogging, privacy, sex writing from Sex and The Ivy, as a response to Randall Patterson's NY Times Magazine Article "Chastity Clubs: Virginity" (@sex and the ivy, the ny times)
4) "The deaths of a number of celebrities may well be warnings about the dangers of chronic sleeplessness" : "Can Insomnia Kill?" (@the latimes)
5) "How to Fix Starbucks: "A few helpful suggestions from our panel of coffee geeks and empire builders."
6) A comprehensive list of movies in which poetry takes "center stage": Poetry in Movies (@the michigan quarterly review)
7) Where the "real housewives of NYC" actually really hang out! (@gridskipper)
8) The 101 Most Useful Websites (@telegraph uk)
9) A fantastic 2005 essay from Rick Moody about teaching and learning to write: "Writers and Mentors" (@the atlantic)


Anonymous said...

1. for about a year or so
1/a.yes some
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're __family____."
3. gawker.
4. doggie style
5. I have, Papi is fighting crime in outerspace with mark
6. Riese Remembers Her Nighs of SweetLovemaking with Shane and Jordan Catalano."
7. omg, you're welcome
9. I don't think you repeat yourself no.
8.nything else? okay.

Oo Lynnie oO said...

1. Over a year now. i discovered you in the cave of my freshman dorm.

1/a. not so much

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're not there."

3. my facebook comments to make me feel good about myself. and perezhilton is my guilty pleasure

4. point guard? it's march madness right?

5. Yep. the ever mysterious vortex

6. Land Before Time sing-a-long vlogs.

7. :] k

8. nothing i've noticed

18. it's 4am. whyyy am i awake? rarara. I haven't commented in forevs. it feels goooooooood.

Meghan said...

1. I started maybe a week ago. I was obsessively listening to Uh Huh Her so I youtubed them and that led me to you.

1/a. I have been. I do this thing where when I find a new blog I like, I spend all my "free" (read: "internetting when I should be working") time reading archives. So I've been reading yours. I've read a lot at this point, and I'm saying "probs" and "totes" in my head all the time, and I have all these things I want to talk to you about--but thus far I've been too shy to comment for a number of reasons. So I'm totes glad (see) that you did a reader survey because it makes writing a first comment easier.

2. When you're here, you're family.

3. Bookslut. Am I allowed more than one? TWOP, GFY, pretty dumb things, McSweeneys.

4. Scissoring, obvs. (I only know who Lozo is from following links in your blog and watching vlogs and such.)

5. I have seen all of The L Word, yes. Papi is ... with Mandy from the West Wing.

6. Umm ... top ten book recommendations?

7. I don't know if you'll thank me for that, it's pretty weak. It's late, I'm tired.

8. We tell ourselves stories in order to live. (So: no.)

18. Sure: nice to meet you, Riese. I love your blog a whole lot.

Crystal said...

1. 12 months or so.
1/a. Yes.
2. When you're here, you're entertained.
3. Lozo's blog. Followed closely by the Sydney Morning Herald.
4. Missionary
5. Yes. Papi's judging the Uh Huh Her video contest.
6. Sunday Top Ten: Reasons why you should buy my newly-published book.
7. no worries mate
8. You sometimes do, but not in a bad way. From memory, each time you present them differently, and I enjoy that.

Jo said...

1. about a year and a half? However long you've been recapping the L Word on Auto-Straddle
1/a. yup
2. "when you're here, you're... procrastinating :)
3. other blogs/facebook
5. In the vortex, with everyone else
6. Um, anything posted here, obvs!
8. nope

Anonymous said...

1. Just over a year now.
1a. One or two of them.
2. you're at work
3. The Age or The Times
4. I don't wanna know
5. Nope
6. Can't think of one in particular.
7. No worries, hun
8. Actually don't think you do
18. Hope you are well and kicking ass.

fonzingaling said...

1. Since Slogreenx linked to ya (not long)
1/a. yeah, some
2. "When you're here, you're supposed to be working."
3. Znet.
4. Erm, defense or something
5. She's in Hexham (North-East England version of the vortex)
6. Ani DiFranco interview/sex tape
7. you're welcome x
8. Nope
18. Yeah, semicolon & carly = haaaat.

Razia said...

1. A year-ish
1a. Only the stuff you wrote before I started reading regularly
2. Amused [ps. you're really walking into a dirty joke with this one. It took some serious self control to not say something inappropriate.]
3. Crystal
4. He's indifferent - it's about the cuddling for him
5. She's having open heart surgery because all those Churro breakfasts clogged up her arteries.
6. Sunday Top Ten
7. No worries
8. It's not in a bad way.

Also, re your post before this - OMG I am so tossing up going to China in July, fo real. Good post, btw.

jenn said...

1. about 5 months-ish
1a. some
2. when im here im on my computer
3. emails(total crap i never have any) facebook
4. i dont even want to think about it
5. yes.she is in the army fighting tashas corner, if not what realy was the point of papi
6. new lifes available here just read on and click at the end.
OR leona lewis has come out and is looking for jenn.
7. no no thank you
8. dont think you do but my nickname is dorri
18. nope ok

flynn said...

1. Since September '07.
1/a. Yup, all.
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're probably lost in a mall staring at a some dorky sign."
3. Uh..magic the gathering strategy articles and tech blogs?
4. Lying down.
5. Obv, and I'd say Real World: The Vortex.
6. "Riese Does Ridiculous Things In New York: The Photoblog"
7. no prob (?)
8. No, and if there is repetition it's a way of re-establishing important things, like "Bette cries a lot to show that she has a tortured soul", but not annoying.
18. Like..what's the deal with China?

Anonymous said...

1. for about 4 months
1/a. not the whole, but some
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're for a few minutes away from fXXXing learning for final examination.
3. my emails?
4. a tergo
5. Papi is here...acutally...she missed the bus, but she'll be back for next season.
6. Sunday Top Ten, Via This Girl Called Automatic Win
7.'s my pleasure
8. Maybe I haven't read enough yet, but so far..I don't think so
18. thanks for writing! keep on. it's good, it makes my day!!!

Katelyn said...

1.early 2006, with the L word recaps
1/a. yep heaven
4.Hot Carl
5.She got lost when she went searching for churros.
6.Weirdest Weirdos of 2007, the fact that it had Amy Sedaris only made it better.
7.your welcome.
8.I don't think so.
9.nothing else.

Katyn said...

1. 8 months.
1/a. yes, some
2. "When you're hear, you're __filled with feelings._"
3. the myface, gawker, alternet
4. Miss Michigan (aka his right hand)
5. yes, and Papi is training for the Gus Macker, it takes up a lot of her time, obvs.
6. well, I don't know if it exploded because it sounded good, but Gay Cruise Blog: Part One (and Two) made my head explode because I realized we were on the same boat, and your line "the weirdest part of returning from the cruise is remembering that everyone's not gay anymore" summed everything up completely.
7. that'll be $100.
8. I think it's very rare for a human to produce entirely new material every single day, since, you know, we all live our lives in patterns and routines. The L Word is on top of this, with the matching outfits and repeating storylines.
18. I hope you are on the cruise this year. That sounded very Adele, but I mean that in a non-creeper way. I just want to get Tinkerbell's autograph.

Lez said...

1. About 2 months - when I started a blog and clicked on a book I love and your page came up.

1/a. Not yet, except for some of the L word archives - but looking forward to it.

2. "When you're here, you're bored at work."

3. and lots of other blogs, and

4. Umm...Doggie?

5. Yes! And she is with Carmen in the disappearing Latinas room.

6. Top Ten things I like to do with my lover

7. omg, you're welcome!

8. Only been reading a short while, so no repeats that I can tell yet!

18. Yeah, like is Haviland ever coming back? I know you said she was going to be gone for 2 months or something like that....Love the VLOGS btw!

Lozo said...

1. I don't know. A year? Time flies when you're having fun.
1/a. It's how I discovered you wanted to do Eric Gordon from Billy Madison
2. Family. And queer.
3. Me.
4. Shooting guard. So close, oo lynnie oo.
5. I only saw the first episode where the hot chick from Not Another Teen Movie gets nailed on a couch. There was cleanup afterward.
6. Was this all a ploy for people to give you blog topics.
7. You are welcome!
8. Didn't you just ask me that?

alicia said...

1. Hmm...since November-ish?
1/a. Some, there's good stuff in there
2. When you're here, you're lazy.
3. Overheard in New York, various news sites(since news = work for me), lyrics and Facebook
4. Lying down...lazy bastard
5. Running a small diner with Mark in Oregon (10 different kinds of pie!)
6. "I Bought A Monkey, OMG Why Did I Let Them Talk Me Into This?"
7. Anytime
8. Not really
18. WTF? ...18 doesn't come after 8 Riese.

Adam said...

1) Since last Memorial Day
1a) I'd say 50% of the pre-May stuff, esp. anything you linked to either in a post or in your best-of list
2) 'home'
3) surplus, and/or my email
5) No, and 'in the vortex'
6) Sunday Top Ten: Reasons why Adam and my totes Platonic marriage would have worked
7) no, thank you...really.
8) neg...I love things that are self-referential. It's what makes it a blog instead of a collection of posts.
18)I totally call bullshit on you leaving the City just when I'm about to finally move back up. Bullshit, I call.

shannon said...

1. Err, don't know - 6 months?
1/a. Yes, when I was on crutches, going crazy from boredom. Your blog helped pass the time enjoyably.
2. thinking
3. jezebel, time's swampland, talking points memo, gawker, nyt, nymag, many and various
4. hahaha. don't know.
5. no, i have not.
6. i love the nyc posts actually... maybe bc now that i live here, i get it.
also, please explain how you are able to travel so much. i want to know so i can copy your tactics and also go off to china, and other exotic places.
7. cheers!
8. no, i think it shows the way you think things through in different ways, which is cool.
18. should come after 8, srsly.

anonymous four said...

1. 15 months. So it's like my quinceaƱera as a reader.

1a. Only when your blog came crashing down because of other weirdos and you chose to pull content and then re-build.

2. When you're here, you're here on purpose.

3. According to my Google Reader: The NYT Books blog. Huh?

4. Good finger armed. Or is it good arm fingered?

5. Yes. Doing circles in the vortex.

6. Live Blogging From Tibet.

7. This survey is so much better than 99% of those quizzes on Facebook.

8. I have random amnesia, so this is a good match for me.

9. Yeah. What is behind the going to China story morning glory?

Danielle said...

1. Year and a half I believe
1/a. yup
2. family
3. My e-mail
4. I'm trying to come up with something clever, and all I can think is first position (like in dance). Yeah. I know.
5. Babysitting Angelica, obvs.
6. Sunday Top Ten: Why using abbrevs, that you learned on a blog, in daily speech is totes not weird.
7. no prob man
8. I think you repeat topics but constantly put a new spin on them. I've been reading for a long time and haven't been bored yet so its all good.
18. I really love reading your blog, its helped me through some ridiculous times and has made me laugh when I didn't think it was possible. omg, thank you.

you're_so_tragedy said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]
couple of months

1/a. Have you read archives?
yes entirely, with great interest

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______."
sometimes puzzled, most of the time entertained (hate this word, is too mild)

3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs.
The Reverse Cowgirl, StuffWPL, Roissy in DC (to be read with caution, my daily dose of poison), Go Fug Yourself

4. What's Lozo's favorite position?
I missed that entry, if any. I have the feeling that he’s hawt no matter what he fancies himself doing. Same, if not even more, goes to a;ex.

5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi.
The car accident you cannot take your eyes off? Yes I’ve seen it, thanks God it’s over (at least for now)! In regards to Papi, to be honest, I don’t really care; she’s not really my type... I miss old Alice.

6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!
Fucking Around #2: Local Edition

7. omg, thanks!
Oh yeah, omg, thanks!

8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way?
No way! And if you are you are doing it in a good way like flashbacks and such.

9. anything else? okay.
Cannot wait for your book.

Love the quotes you are borrowing from T&S songs, I know is hard to resist (please don’t even try to resist).

And if I’m not mistaken you said that you are not dating for a long time now (maybe I’m wrong). This has to stop! Get yourself a nice gf/bf/whatevs; you are stilling years, rich book source material and life force from you. Not my business, I know.

Diana said...

1. About a year-ish
1a. Not often or recently but when I first discovered autowin, yes.
2. ...not at the Olive Garden
3. NYtimes, Slate, Jezebel, stuff you link to, McSweeneys, Gridskipper, Gawker, Postsecret, Stereogum, Brooklynvegan, PostSecret, Gothamist, other people's blogs.
4. fetal
5. she's on the line with the distraught woman with the dog
6. I dunno but it probs had song lyrics in it
7. omg! no worries!
8. I think you draw on similar themes and ideas repeatedly, like NY, but I can't remember it ever feeling dull, old or boring. I think the things/stories you find yourself most wanting to write about are probably what you're best material is going to come from, because if it's repeatedly on your mind, then you probs have a lot of feelings about it.
18. huzzah!

a;ex said...

1. About 5 months.

1/a. Oh totally - I did my research.

2. Whoever said 'family' beat me to it.

3. NYTimes/google reader items... I look at a lot of pictures mostly.

4. He specifically told me not to tell anyone.

5. The L what? I'm sorry, no. Never.

6. What Crystal said! wee!

7. OMG my pleasure! I'm sure this was zero-amount of helpful!

8. You're pretty hard on yourself sometimes, you know that?

18. Happy Second Birthday! OMG I think you have this great idea for a party...

Peach said...

1) Can't recall - at least 6 months?

1a) Not yet - which do you recommend?

2) When you're here you're not alone

3) There are loads of great blogs out there but other than blogs, the Guardian

4) Reverse cowgirl

5) No. No idea. WTF?

6) Free beer at the end of this post

7) no no no YOU'RE giving the beer away

8) Not really

9) Yeah, top twenty all time thus far best book list please, I'm sure you've done it or similar, just can't find it and you seem to read more than me

JD said...

1. Straddle- 2 weeks, AW- 1 week
1a. yes (totes agree with Meghan's comment)
2. laughing/smiling/head-nodding (in that 'I completely agree' or 'that's totally happened to me' way, not the dozing off way)
3. Op-Ed pages of the NYT or WP; Slate or wonkette
4. Reverse cow girl
5. Papi is rehearsing for her Season 6 cameo, where she'll appear alongside Mark and Dylan, as they debut the documentary about Papi that they've been working on, because:
A) Mark wanted to know how she "does it," and found her a much more willing teacher than Shane
B) Dylan just wanted to do her in the editing room, and
C) Ilene believes that this will "tie up loose ends" and "make her viewers happy"
6. "If I wasn't a writer I'd want to be..." (totally lame and I know it may be impossible to pretend that you weren't born for this- but I'm sure you'd turn it into something hilarious)
7. No, thank YOU!
8. Not in a bad way. Like someone else said, it seems it is only re: something important, and it is not as if you tell the same stories here, bc I have a good memory, and would totally get annoyed.
18. I know NOTHING about publishing...but will you do a book tour (at least on the East Coast)? Bc that would totes be awesome. I'm looking forward to the book- best of luck finishing.

.elida. said...

1. about a year and a half, i think.

1/a. i've read everything. srsly.

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're family."

3. the articles & sites you link too, google news and a few other blogs like four four. but you're my fav even when you're a bell jar, ps.

4. no idea.

5. I love/hate the L word. La-la-love your recaps. Papi is running a Churro business w/Carmen.

6. VLOG #87: The return of Haviland! Gimme Gimme More: dramatic readings from Full House and sing-a-longs and wine and wife beaters and gold pants.

7. no, srsly, thank you

8. even when you do, it's fresh and funny, so it doesn't matter.

18. you should adopt a baby when you're in the land of chicken fried rice. OR!! Maybe abopt a dog, so they won' it.

Christine said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]
a year plus

1/a. Have you read archives?
I sure have

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're happy."

3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs.
I run between Gawker and I will shamefuly admit that I go on perezhilton.

4. What's Lozo's favorite position?
i will have to go with...missionary??

5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi.
she disappeared. have you seen her?

6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!

I love the top tens
7. omg, thanks!
you are totally welcome

8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way?
no...but really, who doesn't.

18. anything else? okay.
I have such a blog crush on you. ;)

Allison 15 said...

1-Since season four.
1a-Yes. alllll of it.
2 - not alone.
3- Postsecret, Passive Aggressive Notes, Overheard in NY
4- scissoring
5- oh yes. Papi is with me....and Lover Cindi, getting the buried treasure. Helena is with us too.
6-"My first day in the l word writers room with the chaiken." including shenny spoilers!
7 - no, thank you thank you.
8 - you do sometimes but its in a good way.

18 - I don't want to sound like no.1. lurker, but maybe I am. Never commented, never wrote, didn't buy the tshirt, "probs" won't comment again after today. I guess you could say I like watching from here, this safe space where you don't know anything about me although I live with two people who know everything there is to know about me and that makes me want to run away.
There are things I'm curious to know and reading this thread I see I'm not the only one who is curious ,, but then I see alot of this as my own conjecture of what I read between the lines. Do I want to know the truth if that means I might be wrong? Do I want to know what your job is if you could get fired again? do I want to know .....Like, what is the composition of your relationship with (a certain punctuation mark)? - I might like how I fill in what I don't know better than getting the straight ( queer?)scoop. I could go on (the identity of B? and more questions, manymany more on that). Haviland? What happened? Will you believe that those questions are rhetorical? Do not answer them, just know there is a woman in the middle of the country somewhere who asks them, and who does not want an answer. You have also answered many questions I am not aware of how to ask or never would have asked. So keep doing that, please.

laurrrrita said...

1. about a year and a half.
1/a. yea, all of them.
2. "When i'm here, i'm encouraged that it's not completely necessary to be a 'grown-up'"
3. the walrus, the believer, stuff white people like [not exactly deep thinking, but still entirely awesome], this american life [not reading, i know, but it definitely takes up a lot of my time on my computer.]
4. i have absolutely no idea
5. of course; the vortex, clearly.
6. er...?
7. fanksss.
8. sometimes you repeat bits, but in a good way. it's never the same story, so it's like you're just filling in more pieces.
18. even though i never comment, i think that you are wonderful.

Anonymous said...

would have done this sooner, but umm i thought that it said 3-d friends DIDN'T have to answer. also, it's caittttt

1. 13 months maybe? auto-straddle started it all..

1/a. yaaaa

2. engrossed

3. lozo, the walrus, big exit, disappear here, fourfour, all of b's shared items not about tibet.

4. 3rd base

5. yes, on a T.O.E retreat

6. We Don't Want to Sleep Tonight, Still Young Like That I Count the Lines

7. weirdo

8. not really, it's how you are in 3-d too.

18. so much more, i hope.

a;ex said...

You have awesome/interesting readers, for REAL.

Katie Graham said...

1. For a long time maybe a year?
1/a. Yes, as soon as I found you.
2. Usually at work, sometimes at home.
3. Jason Mulgrew.
4. Don't know.
5. I watched one DVD of it because you recommended it.
6. Anything sexual and/or with pictures. I wish I had romantic girlfriends so I enjoy reading about yours.
7. welcome
8. No not at all. I like what you say.
18. Never stop writing or go to a new site without telling us. I hate it when my fav bloggers just quit with no forwarding site. I miss them. Most of them were in Diaryland and then quit.

m said...

1. feels like since biiirth yooo
1/a. what?
2."When you're here, you're happy!" holla!
3. no comment.
4. sitting up in his chair, looking at his monitor....
5. of course. the show blows but i watch every ep. the worst show!! papi is bangin' bitches somewhere in east LA, that's a fact.
6. no comment!
7. i hate ilene. i love you!!!
8. a little sometimes
18. you're hilarious

Jaime said...

1. A while. At least a year, probs more. Gawker was linking to you all the time, and I got hooked.
1/a. Some, mostly when I was starting out, or when I need background on something mysterious.
2. When you're here, your mom.
3. I'm currently obsessed with Cheap Healthy Good, and by obsessed, I mean I like her blog a lot.
4. I want to try to make a poker joke and a never-kissed-a-girl joke all at once, and it's too much for me.
5. No. I'm not gay! Sheesh.
6. Top Ten Ways Your Life Isn't Ruined, Jaime, By Massive Debt and the Fact That You Make No Money.
7. And thank you for making me say/write "totes" and "obvs" all the time.
8. No.
18. 18! Chai!

Anonymous said...

a1. Since January 2008
2. No
3. Here
4. Jellyfish chat
5. Tailback
6. Anything posted by Riese
7. No, thank you
8. Not that I've noticed
9. I like fried chicken. Do you?

Anne said...

1. first time
1/a. no
2. having eye pain
3. not to read
4. whos lozo?
5. in the vortex
6. youre my first - and youre fairly exciting
7. youre welcome
8. no, today youre not repeating.
18. what are you doing on sundays now?

LEAH said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me] ONLY ABOUT 6 MONTHS. STARTED WITH THE L WORD BLOGS.
1/a. Have you read archives? SOME.
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______." FAMILY, OBVS. I <3 OG, AS WE REFER TO IT.
3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs. DOOCE. TWITTER. MY BLOGS.
6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good! TOP TEN REASONS I PREFER WOMEN TO MEN. (ID WANNA COMPARE AND CONTRAST MYSELF)
7. omg, thanks! YUP...

eric mathew said...

1. um probs 6 months. i found you through havs.
1/a. i have. on a rainy day.

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're probs atleast .25 gay."

3. or the bwayworld message boards

4. Lozo's fav position = tony danza (it's not really a position but...)

5. i haven't seen the lword---> like 2 gay strikes

6. top 10 reasons lozo thinks he is ryan phillipe

7. totes welcome.

8. no, you repeat yourself in a good way. like a single bridesmaids kinda way (that makes no sense...but they say stuff like it on yogurt commericals).

9. i <3 you.

Jackie said...

1. A while. A couple months? I don't know. This quiz is hard.

1/a. Some, randomly.
2. "When you're here, you're here."
3. To read? Lozo. Or the NYTimes
4. With a girl.
5. No
6. OMG, Lozo and Riese are having a baby!
7. You're welcome!
8. No, it's absolutely charming.
18. nope, but I do miss Haviland.

Stephanie said...

1. 6 mnths or so
1a) a few
2. When you're here, you're procrastinating
3. facebook
4. London bridge?
5. Maybe she ran into(and by ran into I mean slept with)Lacy from season 1 in the vortex and didn't make it out alive.
6. any lists your write, I love lists.
7. No worries
8. I dont notice anything
9. you're hilarious.

B. said...

1. Forever.
1/a. Yes.
2. "When you're here, you're queer."
3. Nothing.
4. Strangely, I've never fucked Lozo.
5. Papi is dead.
6. Live Blogging From Tibet.
7. No problem.
8. You've repeated yourself several times but clearly only Jessie and I have noticed, so I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, your repetitions are neither bad nor glaring.
18. Someone needs to bitch-slap whoever's in charge of the Uh Huh Her contest. Like, decide already. Also, I love you.

Lozo said...

i gotta say -- the answers to No. 4 are both hilarious and enlightening.

and for the record, "fetal" was the funniest possible answer to that question.

dewey said...

1)I read for a bit around season 4 time, then didn’t read for a few months. I came back in June of last year and have checked back almost everyday since

1/a)I have indeed read the archives.... at least most of them.

2)When your here, your where you should be.

3)I read lots of random stuff but don’t read anything else like I read this (meaning everyday)

4)Lozo will take any position he can get.

5)Thanks to youtube I have seen the Lword and Papi is at


7)Anytime, it’s good to give a little back

8)I don’t think you repeat yourself.... maybe my memory is just poor.

18)Keep rocking

e. said...

1. Since November-ish?
1/a. Yes. I may or may not have even bookmarked a couple of your best posts...
2. Queer, right? Fambly? I dunno, who's this theoretical "you" we're speaking of?
3. Blogs of people I actually know. Wikipedia, because it is obvs the best and most accurate reference source ever, it's infallible and pretty much the apex of our civilisation. (Well, that and the refined, icy sport of world-class curling.)
4. Vice-president of the merchandising department. I mean, shortstop. On a women's softball team.
5. Two and a half times. Both and a half episodes were Papi-free, but I did see Shane's boobs.
6. Not kidding: if you ever were to reference Hawksley Workman lyrics in a post title (like you do Tegan and Sara), my head would definitely, absolutely explode. And now if you ever do, I will take it as a personal shout-out.
7. For what?
8. Not hardly. A lot of the stuff you write would bear copious repeating, I think.
18. If I were ever to actally see you in RL, like at the gym or on the street or at, like, a concert, I'd scream like a fangirl. Which would be embarrassing, so it's probably fortunate that the odds of that happening are so extraordinarily slim. Once I totes saw Kurt Browning in the parking lot of a mall when I was fifteen,, I'm actually gonna stop, now.

Haviland Stillwell said...

1. you started it the week you met me, right?
1/a. no, just as it was going along...
2. checking in.
3. hm, nytimes maybe? or, obvs, lozo's blog.
4. short stop?
5. oh have i ever...
6. "i have never been happier, and i am not being ironic"
7. :)
8. no!
18. love and junk!

xo everyone - yes, road tripping to L.A. from Savannah soon, and will be there most of the time for a while...i'm still, you know, "here," just not in NYC!

Jillian said...

1. A few months
1/a. Yes, but not all of them..yet.
2. entertained...often reading things aloud to anyone in the room that will listen.
3.Ohnotheydidnt, Just putting it out there, Dorothy Snarker
4. Yes
5.Of course. Papi obvs spends most of her time chillin with Angie, as we never fucking see her (though always both her parents) around.
6.Why I am/Things that are awesomer than you?
7.Of course
8. Do you repeat yourself? We all do. In a bad way? Not at all

Caitlinmae said...

1. about a year
1/a.I read the whole thing when I started
2. family?
3. I admit, I facebook like a fiend.
5. Papi is living in Sparlem around the corner from Stef.
6. The post secret ones. But you hooked me on for Living it Out- so something around that era probably led to my hero worship of you
7. you're the greatest.
8. No? I like consistency. I would have been one of the toddlers that watched teletubbies ninety times and still enjoyed it. I reread all my favorite books.

Anonymous said...

1. About a year.

1/a. Yeah, once in a while.

2. Queer. Obvs.

3. I always check the weather and top news stories.

4. Pitcher?

5. Yes. Papi lives at the Home of Wayward L Word Characters in San Fransisco. Carmen, Helena's children, Mark, Angus, Grace, Lara, Cherie Jaffe, and everyone else lost to The Vortex also all live there, and they babysit Angelica.

6. Something about Shenny never, ever happening would make me explode in excitement. (I love your The L Word recaps even despite you seemingly liking the Shenny Shencest.)

7. You're welcome.

8. No.

18. Keep rocking. I love reading your blog(s). I also love your vlogs, they're hilarious and it's amusing and nice to see the face behind the blogger.

chrissy said...

1. I lurked every so often after Hav went on as Fantine the first time, but I've been a hardcore reader since December, I think.
1/a. All the time.
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're an insominiac."
3. More friends' blogs.
4. Scissoring.
5. Yes, and Papi is wherever Angelica was for that time we thought she was missing.
6. "A Day in My Life: Welcome to Riese's World" - an entire blog post composed entirely of photos, from the time you wake up, to the time you go to sleep, with extensive captions.
7. You're, like, totally welcome! *high five*
8. The only time you've repeated yourself is 'Really Papi? Really?'...I think.
18. My acting teacher said "Semicolon" today during our intro to Shakespeare and I nearly died laughing.

Abby said...

1. I'd say about three months or so.
1a. I have a little bit, randomly.
2. Family.
3. PostSecret, Found Magazine, The New York Times, and the Indianapolis Star.
4. He practices abstinence. Through and through. (JK!)
5. Apparently in the vortex? Just hanging?
6. THIS IS SUCH A GREAT ENTRY (Really, no irony.) And the subject would be, well, some of your auto-winning life philosophy. I like your input.
7. No, no, thank you.
8. No.
18. It's fantastic, honestly. You're a great writer and I keep your style in mind when writing my own thoughts out.

laia said...

1. a year and a half
1a. yes
2. with friends
3. news and the links you provide on slate, mckeenseys, etc.
4. no clue
5. of course, she is extending her chart in Europe
6. one that was about ten reasons why you would not be a good valentine. i also loved the one on ten reasons why people came into your site
7. omg, wtf!
8. not in a bad way, you're adorable
9. i love your friends (Hav, semicolon, tinkerbell...)

amjja said...

1.The recap = 1+ years, the Autowin blog = 6 months
a. Yes, I have 2 weeks off in December, what else would I do?
2.“When you’re here, you’re supposed to be doing something else.”
3. Radar mag, the Slate, Lozo, WSJ, and the comics
4. Tight end?
5. Yes, she’s forming the “I’m not a Latino, but play one on T.V.” basketball league with Carmen – team name “The Vortices”
6. Sunday Top Ten: Don’t Date Me. Wink Wink. And anything involving the Carousel of Progress.
7. You’re welcome and thanks right back.
8. I usually have a drink in hand when I’m reading the blog….so I don’t think so.
18. Stock up on cheese and crackers for China.

Ms. Jackson said...

1. About a year
1/a. Yupyup
2. When you're here you're highly entertained.
3. I like reading the youtube message boards for the UHH contest. The people there are really nice...especially rovermom.
4. side saddle
5. Yes. Papi is in Peoria.
6. OMG...Lozo and I got drunk and eloped! Tinkerbell was our witness.
7. Cheers!
8. Haven't noticed.

Anonymous said...

1. Just over a year
1/a. Yes, I have
2."When you're here, you're: procrastinating"
3. The Drudge Report
4. Well, he is impartial - beggars can't be choosers...
5. I have seen The L Word exactly three times (never voluntarily), and I don't know where Papi is, but I hope she stays there
6. Write some metafiction. No, really, I like to see what you come up with. I always enjoy it
7. No, thank you!
8. You don't repeat yourself in a bad way. You may pay extra attention to what has been important to you, but it is unique and different for the reader every time
18. Thanks Riese, your blog makes me happy

The Spaz said...

1. I'm going to say a year-ish give or take, maybe 15 months - I've read some of the archives but not all, I'm an insomniac, not a total stalker.

2. Engaged/Entertained/Informed/Challenged

3. Lately its

4. Don't-drop-the-soap-in-prison style

5. She died in an offscreen duel with Mangus the Nanny Fucker, obvs.

6. Your favourite works of art? Aside from music, writing and photography. Do you like paintings/sculpture/architecture?

7. No prob!

8. Not in a bad way, everybody repeats themselves. True fact: people only make new friends so they can tell their stories again. This was once the theme of a personals ad I wrote that I never got around to posting because a) I'm a chicken; and b) I wouldn't have a story to tell people about how we met if I met somebody this way, yanno?

J said...

1. Maybe a few months
1a. Nah...
2. When you're here, you're inspired.
3. Honestly I don't have much time to read much else.
4. I don't know Lozo what is your favorite posish??
5. No L Word for me. Sorry Papi is missing.
6. Every one of your posts makes my head explode with excitement. Its like automatic soup for my soul. Or something...
7. No really thank you!!
8. Not so much.
18. Um... your the best!!!

J said...

RE: 1a. And by nah I meant not all. Yet. Sorry

Ronnie said...

1. On and off for about five months I think?
1/a. a couple, yes
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're everywhere."
3. Eric Mathew's blog, peoples facebooks (cause I'm a creepy stalker)
4. All.
5. I don't get good cable and for some reason I have this vendetta against Netflix. I am convinced there is something bad about it even though there hasn't been anything proved yet. You'll see.
6. Riese, Eric Mathew, Ronnie, and Semicolon frolic the underground passageways of New Yorks hottest clubs.
7. omg, yes.
8. No. I like reading what you have to say.
18. Lets do this whole hang out business already.

Mercury said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]
Since Aug 13 2006. You think that's creepy, me knowing that? Me too.
1/a. Have you read archives? Yeah, at one point I went and read back.
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______." ?
3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs. My email? I don't do much on the internet anymore. If I have a few minutes I'll follow the autofun links.
4. What's Lozo's favorite position? Military? I don't read his blog, or anyone's really anymore
5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi. I've seen the first 4 seasons... she went somewhere?
6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!
I don't know. I can think of a lot of blog post titles but I don't think any of them are head-exploding. Maybe it's my frame of mind. "There are beautiful things I need to dispose of." That would be a blog post I would want to read.
7. this really isn't that helpful, Riese, dont' be thankful
8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way? Yes, but not a lot. no, not in an awful way. FYI, yes, you write a lot about being repetitive lately. that's meta repetitive.
18. anything else? okay. Everything else!

Anonymous said...

1, 1.5 years
1. a. yes, been through the wild world of auto win archives
2. When your here, you're not there?
3. smut
4.. Who? - kidding, don't care, though I did start paying attention to Lozo after the strip joint adventure.
5. I have watched the L word and Popi is in my bed. You may not have her back unless you want to trade for Shane.
6. Tulle Skirt & On Cherry Hill
7. ?
8. No
9. &*^%$^&*(

Did you win the uh huh her contest?

Lozo said...

i have decided to take the liberty of posting the correct answers, seeing as how i hold the key to one of them. they are:

1. Since April 8, 2006
1/a. No. I have RE-READ the archives.
2. "When you're here, you're..." furiously masturbating.
3. That is a trick question, for all I want and need on the Internet is this blog.
4. Lozo prefers cuddling to sex, so he prefers to spoon. He'll be big or little, depending on how big the stripper is.
5. Yes, I have seen The L Word, and Papi is hitting third in the Boston Red Sox lineup.
6. This Girl Called Automatic Win -- now in 3D!
7. omg, you're welcome!
8. You do, but not in a bad way. For instance, Lozo never gets tired of hearing Riese say, "Your penis is magical," to him.
18. No, nothing else. You've done enough.

supr said...

1. since november-ish. i cant bring myself to watch the l word since the horror of season 3.. but have felt the need to catch up through recaps every once in a while..eventually leading me here. yay!

/a. some. mostly the sometimes cooler than others and stuff you've linked to.

2. part of the group

3. stuff linked by imdb

4. a question best answered by someone else

5. i think the vortex is the only reasonable guestimation for papi's location. i think the finale should have both the ghost of dana fairbanks and the re-materialization of new, vortex-worn papi, sporting an eye patch and blond curly hair.

6. "Sunday Top Ten: Reasons why you should buy my newly-published book." - too good not to agree

7. it did take a lot of work. i'm just sayin'.

8. only to be added on to. we all draw from our own pool of resource, but yours is expected to feed us all.

18. i choose reading your blog over sleep on a nightly basis

Bokolis said...

1. A couple of months.
1A. No. You're a brilliant writer, but way too complicated- for me- to take in large doses.
2. "...with me. When you're with me Jesus Christ couldn't touch you."
3. err, porn.
4. Lozo's favorite position is the angle where Sarah Chalke most resembles Riese.
5. (pass)
6. No Tape on the Box
7. fo rilla
8. If you do, think of it as reinforcing whatever you're trying to get across.
9. Big up to Pablo Toto, Con Man John and the peruvian marching powder.

Vashti said...

1. not long.. like a few days.. a month if you include your l word recaps.
1/a. not so much, no.
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're there."
3. facebook. i like thinking i have real friends.
4. does he even have a fav?
5. yes. papi is taking care of angelica with angus.. or hooking up with carmen.
6. i got nothing.
7. omg, no prob!
8. absolutely you do. oh wait. no. no you don't.
18. i watch your vlogs. probably more than i should. does that make me a creeper?

Ellen said...

1. I think about a year and a half, but I don't totally remember.
1/a. Yes, although I haven't gone back and reread them all from the start (my totes favorite thing to do with blogs; I guess I'm just a book-nerd like that).
2. lesbian!
3. Gotta go with Gawker.
4. Sarcasm? Can that be a position?
5. Just the first season, but didn't Ilene make Papi disappear into the Lesbian Ether?
6. Riese's Tips On Being Awesome In Morningside Heights And Warlem; Or, Why You [me] Don't Know Yr Neighborhood Like I [riese] Do
7. you're totes welcome.
8. I think you have certain themes that long time readers appreciate more than random websurfers.
18. It's so warm here in NYC, it feels like the apocalypse.

anonymous four said...

Pause. Forget this Q&A stream of comments for a moment 'cause:


Anonymous said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]
Since season 4 of The L Word. I found you on Kelka's blog.

1/a. Have you read archives?
Yes. I read them while i rode my stationary bike. I am out of archives, thus i no longer ride the bike.

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______."
Supposed to be doing something more productive, like not failing out of college.

3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs.
Anything from televisionwithoutpity. Or fourfour

4. What's Lozo's favorite position?

5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi.
Buying more hideous hats.

6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!
Anything with a vlog.

7. omg, thanks!
omg, no wai!

8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way?

18. anything else? okay.

Mary Kate said...

1. about five months
1/a. some
2. "'re ignoring your research to cure cancer."
4. I'd rather not know.
5. yes. Papi's training to be an ob/gyn.
6. Top Ten ways/excuses to avoid awkward conversation with an acquaintance you just spotted in the supermarket.
7. no really, thank you.
8. Nope, just enough for "themes" to develop.
9. love the blog and the vlogs.

chaitee said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]

On and off for years I think? Have you been around for years? Am I exaggerating? I discovered you via lwordonline recaps.

1/a. Have you read archives?


2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______."

Not over there.

3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs.

Feministe, feministing, I love (chaitee, add me!), bookslut, etsy, various book blogs. Stuff.

4. What's Lozo's favorite position?


5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi.

Eating churros with Angelica in Kit's apartment.

6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!

I am really Obama, reconnecting with the people through an online personality.

7. omg, thanks!

No woz.

8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way?

Uh huh


18. anything else? okay.

because i have you on my google reader, they always recommend various jew sites for me. this is a GOOD THING but also odd. because i am not a jew. and i am australian. an australian jew would be a rare thing. it makes me feel that maybe i'm special. sometimes.

Anonymous said...

1) a little while
1a) yes
2) queer
3) people's life experiences
5) yes; the vortex
6) So Much More Than Just Auto-Fun of the Day
7) you're welcome
8) you may repeat yourself, but it definitely is not a bad thing
18) i'm amazing at instilling confidence

kpw said...

1. about one year
1a. yes, some more than once
2. When you're here, you're
3. news
4. solo
5. Papi is starring in Mark's movie "Circles"
6. Top 10 Books that most inspired your life/your writing
7. no probs
8. maybe you repeat sometimes, but always in a new, refreshing way (yes, that's apparently possible)
18. thanks for taking the time to post all of the good quotes - i have discovered several new favorite writers from reading your blog.

Anonymous said...

1. 2 months or so
1/a. Just the L Word ones so far
2. When you're here, you're procrastinating/high/family/all of the above
3. Best Week Ever
4. Wheelbarrow?
5. I have: Papi is living with a pack of Amazonian manatees after learning how to speak their language. This will be featured in Season 6.
6. I'm going to have to agree with Allison 15 and say "My first day in the l word writers room with the chaiken."
7. You're welcome?
8. I haven't noticed but if you do I don't mind!

dorothy said...

I feel remiss that this has taken me so long.
1. A little over a year at this point.
1/a. Of course.
2. Safe.
3. My email.
4. He'll let us know when he finishes the Complete Lesbian Sex Book, he borrowed it, speaking of- Phyllis called she was wondering if you could hurry up?
5. Oh Papi- she caught a shooting star.
6. My Life as Jenny Schecter: Book Release, Movie Deal, Director, Super Star.
7. Again you're lovely.
8. It is not so much repeating as it is expanding on the original thought- like you have been thinking about it all along and are adding something new, which I appreciate cause I do the same thing.
18. Have fun, be safe, build on this feeling.

Anonymous said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? [this weirdo = me]: A few months.
1/a. Have you read archives?: Yep!
2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're ______.": probably gay. Or Lozo.
3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs.: Perez, because I like Degrassi recaps almost as much as L Word ones
4. What's Lozo's favorite position?: Whatever he can get.
5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi.: Yes. Eating churros with Angelica, Tonya, the Manny and probs Dana too!
6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good!: Pretty much every time my google reader updates for you I'm excited to read
7. omg, thanks!: you're totes welcome!
8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way?: not in a bad way.
18. anything else? okay.: okay!

Renee said...

1. For about 6 or so months.
1/a. I read the archives when you link it back. I tried reading it from the beginning but it was overwhelming
2. seeing what's going on over on the east coast.
3. perezhilton, my friends personal blogs, yourdailylesbianmoment
4. out of the line of fire...think about it.
5. Yes I've seen the l word, papi got a scholarship and moved out of east LA.
6. Everything I Need in Life I Got Off the Internet Part I
7. omg, thanks!
8. Sometimes you do, and sometimes I do, so it doesn't really matter. I just think deja vu and continue reading.
18. I really like the links to different articles for auto-fun of the day. Especially the article about the ripsters. After reading that I totally went on the stairmaster and rode it down to the floor...for no absolute reason but to feel like a ripster.

Thanks for writing Riese!

amlisdabomb said...

1. How long have you been reading this weirdo's blog? six/seven/eights months. pick one. make one up. time blurs.

1/a. Have you read archives? that I have. And no, I can't disclose which ones.

2. Fill in the blank: "When you're here, you're a lesbian..."

3. What's your favorite thing to read on the internet besides me obvs. I don't read any other blogs. Maybe afterellen or ONTD.

4. What's Lozo's favorite position? in a tree with binoculars?

5. Have you seen The L Word and if so where is Papi. obvs starting her own porn company. Kit ruined her life...giiiiirl. Maybe, also she babysits Angelica all the time.

6. Name of a blog post title (and, by implication, subject) that'd make your head explode with excitement to read it 'cause it just sounded so good! Scandal!: Riese and Haviland Sex Tape in AWESOME Night Vision

7. omg, thanks! omg, no probs

8. Do you think I repeat myself on this blog a lot? Like, in a bad way? um, you make me laugh repeatedly, but that's not bad. So, no.

18. anything else? I like your hair. You should not say bad things about it. Also, come to West Palm Beach. We'll hang with Donald Trump and hit up the beaches.

MoonKiller said...

1. Erm, just over a year?
1/a Most.
2. 'When you're here you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, but its more fun this way'
3. Umm. MySpace comments. No MySpace messages, cause they're always more interesting. Cause I'm cool like.
4. Quarterback/pitcher/doggie
5. Yes and Eminems basement, with Dr Dre.
6. We Don't Want To Sleep Tonight, Still Young Like That I Count The Lines - because it was going to be called 'When There's Nothing Left To Burn You Have To Set Yourself On Fire' but I got there first, sorz. But also because I love Stars.
7. You're so very welcome.
8. Sometimes, but not in a bad way. :)
18. Yes, theres two cows in a field, one of them goes 'moo' the other one says 'Hey! I was just about to say that'