Friday, January 11, 2008

We VLOG So Hard We Look Obvious

Remember 2007? Me too. My fortune cookie says: "there is a gradual improvement. feelings are sweet and tender." That's nice, it's like custard. I keep thinking that PB&J sandwiches are a real meal. We made a vlog in 2007, it took many hours and many miles in my moccasins. Well ... "we" made a lot of footage. R2-D2 handled the vlog. And it's pretty RAD! I think by Year 10 of writing this blog, I'll have started writing only in iambic pentameter, or switched over to only blogging cartoon drawings produced in MacDraw by me past midnight. It's like automatic writing. It's like automechanics. That's what I need on this blog. A good mechanic. Someone to answer questions people have while on the road of life, and etc. Once again my back is killing me, because I love editing vlogs so much that I ignore my posture, which is an important part of the body.

Anyhow. So we made all this footage in 2007. Today, I woke up and had my coffee and I thought: "Let's see what this footage can do." Then there was nightfall, and now it is now, and I made a vlog. I have to warn you that I'm slightly irritating in this video. Also, there's a part in the vlog where I say I don't wanna vlog anymore, and obvs I'm JK'ing about that. Though I really am considering talking less often. Because of the self-loathing. JK. Love it! La-la-love it. Also, if you're my Mom, I love you too! Hi Mom!

So, here's more vloggy goodness (100% ALL NEW FOOTAGE!) resulting from the filmathon with Semicolon & Stef as well as a few remaining bits of some Carly stuff. It's long, but also worth it. To buy the undergarments discussed in this vlog, please go to The Auto-Apparel Store and you can choose if you want Haviland to wear it for a day first or not.

Also: do you want me to provide lists of what songs are in the vlogs? Do people care? Discuss.


carlytron said...

Spotted! A fabulous Lindsay Lohan song that will TOTES BE PLAYED on Jan 28th in R & H's vlog. And C dancing like an idiot with fucking peanut butter crackers. What will the next vlog hold? Only time will tell.

gossip girl.

stef said...

cheers for the lohan song! cheers for the paris song! the rest of it makes me want to disappear forever. jesus christ.

how come everybody else ever gets a tag? lozo gets a tag and he wasn't even there!

word veri: hwyhro - highway hero! cos i'm on the run.

Anonymous said...

The world wants to know - just how many pairs of those boyshorts have you sold?
...and do you just say 'fuck laundry' wear a brand new pair everyday?

Haviland Stillwell said...

Maybe the most random of all random vlogs. Y'all, this is how Riese and I email each other every day - with numbers like, this -- I think it provides an easier way to reference all the feelings later, as we continue to process the hell out of all of them.

Also, bklyn boy - i'm really not sold on watching MALLRATS (or EMPIRE RECORDS for that matter) but re-watching HEROES with all these lunatics...

i LOVE time travel.

caitt said...

1. you guys are crazy
2. if the dna test makes me not the baby daddy i am going to be pissed
3. you can't have sprinkles and bitch won't twirl it either
4. the silent haviland sequence at the end made my life complete
5. hav the hoodie was just too big and didn't zip.
6. i just remembered the coke falling and sooo wish it was taped
7. i don't have anything else to say
8. lol

riese said...

carlytron: Spotted! C, looking dashing in her midtown office, leaving an AMAZING comment on a certain someone's vlog. Was that her, holding hands with a little television star by the name of LH in Central Park, sharing an 8-pack of cheese and peanut butter crackers? Stay tuned!

xoxo, gossip girl.
stef: There are so many things about this comment that I do not understand. I thought you'd give cheers for the Blow song I got from you, woman. Everyone else gets a tag 'cause Lozo is my stagehand.
anonymous: There are so many things about this comment I do not understand, starting with an "anonymous" person speaking on behalf of the world. Are you the competition trying to scope out our market share? Are you with the competition, are you Victoria (of Victoria's Secret)? I'm really perplexed. Also, what about me leads you to believe I'm keeping track of inventory? All I know is that I've had to go to the post office approximately a 500 times, I'm like 10 years older than I was before Auto-Apparel debuted.
1. You will watch EMPIRE RECORDS. And you will love it. (carly, you've got this, right?)
2. Yay time travel!
3. I love you!
4. I understand this comment, thank you for your clarity, it's good for my brainspace.
5. xoxo.

riese said...

1.OMG if the falling coke had been filmed, I would've put that as the opening scene for every movie I ever make.
2. LOL
3. We'll find out who the baby daddy is on next week's Jerry Springer, it'll be awesome, I'm polishing my arms to prepare to wrestle.

Lozo said...

i don't think your vlogs are SFW. therefore, i have to assume this is NSFW. suddenly, NSFW has meaning to me. also, i plan on speaking totally in acronyms.


riese said...

LLL: Hey, you know what I just realised when i typed "LLL"? That Carly and I's abbrev "TFL" (Totally Fucking Laughing) could double as "TFL" (Totally Fucking Lozo). You should give that one to the ladies. Also I just looked at your newest blog and it was not SFR (Safe for Riese). You know what I mean.

carlytron said...

Re: Empire Records. I do have it (unless it is still MIA, I will have to check) and Hav will love it. As much -- nay, MORE -- than we all love time travel.

And if the soda can falling had been captured I could die happy.

word ver: hshwwa ... I don't know what that means but say it out loud, it's super fun.

Lozo said...

what? the pooping? everybody poops, riese.

which reminds me. at this ultra hard trivia night that i discussed in my blog (cross-promotion!)one of the questions was, "this german libary spent millions of dollars on the original copy of this book."

i didn't know, so i said Everybody Poops. it was a hit.

a;ex said...

If that Lindsay Lohan hit will be in rotation on the 28th, then you bet your sweet ass I'll be doin 'The Carly-Peanut-Butter-Cracker-Dance' to it.

Cait, I swear if I'm not the mother of your child I'm at LEAST the father.

Hi Riese.

chrissy said...

I'm only going to say that Hav looks reallyyy good in those glasses. & the way she says some words, she sounds JUST FREAKIN' LIKE my acting coach, it's kind of creepy. Cuz it's like "Oh it's Haviland...turning into the crazy strict woman who haunts me, nooo!" Yeah, all that went through my mind in like, half a second.

Oh, how're you, Riese?

riese said...

carlytron: I know one thing for sure -- the soda can itself defo died happy. Went out with a bang, so to speak.

lozo: The Gospels! The GOSPELLSSSSSS!!!! We'd make a great trivia team, you know.

a;ex: I'd like to be the Earth Mother, like Alice.

Hi Alex.

chrissy: Those glasses are always a hit on faces of all shapes and sizes, fo'sho. Haviland is the crazy strict woman that haunts me. JK, she's not strict. I love her! And I'm great, thanks.

stef said...

cheers for the blow song! cheers for all the blow songs! cheers for khaela from the blow, and blowjobs, and blowing up balloons, and of course good old-fashioned regular blow!

caitt said...

it's a total comment party in here. wheee. vega if you're the father and riese is the mother then what the hell am i? just saying, i mean just cause we're gay we should know about biology right?

riese totally for real you will be all my kids earth mother. i will send them to you for real world experiences, blow jobs on the corner, etc. jk i am not having kids, but if i spray pam with flour on my arms i will totally beat you in wrestling. holla

lastly i have empire records let's watch it next weekend sometime, probs we'll all be together.

Lozo said...

ummm, i don't think that was the answer.

another answer i submitted was The Diary of Anne Frank.

riese said...

stef: Cheers for "Blow" the movie about Blow! cheers for blowhards and glow-worms! Cheers for Blowing Bubbles!

caitt: You're the father too. This is the 21st century, obvs!
OMG I 'm gonna teach your kids how to put condoms on bananas, it's gonna be AWESOME.

Also I like calorie-free wrestling, obvs. Cheers to Pam.

lozo: Really? Anne Frank was the answer? Millions? I'd look this up, but that would feel like cheating. I take it back, we'd make a terrible team, as I don't actually know the answers to things, I just think I do. Some of us have to get up for work in the morning you know.

Lozo said...

no, no, no. anne frank was just a funny answer. you know, because germans hate jews.

we'd make a great team. Same/Diff, Trivia Mavens! the answer might have been the gospels actually. i don't know. it was late. i had a long workday and had to get up early the next morning.

i might just make this my new g-talk.

asher said...

lozo - it wasn't the gutenberg bible was it?

the vlog won't play for me now, i guess i'll try later.

riese said...

lozo: Right, I thought they might be keeping the original copy because that would be good enemy strategy. like "look, we totes LOVE the jews, we spent millions of dollars on this anne frank chick's diary!" you know? I'm thinking trivial pursuit, I'd have to carry us on arts & literature, but you could do sports and we could probs take entertainment between the two of us.

asher: I feel like it could be that too. I feel like Germany might have all the religious texts ever. And probs also "Everybody Poops." It won't play? Did you try going to the youtube page?

carlytron said...

You kids should also learn about genetics. What a gay fucking kid that would be.



Cait, you should probs bring your copy cause I think mine is missing. Sniffle.

riese said...

carlytron: Why don't you put on your GLASSES and find the DVD?!!

(Parker, you're handing that to me ... and I'm taking it.)

Carly has excellent taste in eyewear, if they ever bring back Queer Eye, Carly should be the eyewear consultant. I will do Culture. Haviland will do Food, obvs. I am getting deja vu writing this right now. Do I have the same ideas over and over? Yes.

No one looks as good in Carly's glasses as Carly, obvs. They should get their own tag/label?

cait said...

carly i happen to love gay fucking kids, thank you very much. obvs i'll bring the dvd and my glasses, etc etc.

riese most DEFINITELY they need their own tag, clearly, obvs, totes, whateves. i'd love to see you do culture on queer eye, 'well i never leave my house, but i heard this play is AWESOME'

amlisdabomb said...

Okay obvs the first thing I have to address are the superb music selection for this vlog. I mean, it starts with Lohan! It just set up the rest of the blog for amazingness.

Also, yeah you can totes link us because I am about to delve into figuring out how to do that on ours. I only had to work half a day with tiny diabetics so I'm ready to pretend like I know what I am doing on here.

AND haha so best friend, can I just call her BF? well, I will. BF is driving somewhere for three hours so I totally texted her "Haviland commented on your blog" which three seconds later I got back "WHAT?!" (that means business obvs) She's going to comment back whenever she's back in human contact.

We love you guys so much we quote you in away messages on AIM. Like, that's love.

Lozo said...

i would rock you at trivial pursuit. i'm a master of the pie questions. "what is your favorite pie?" "cream!"

seriously. bust it out. we can play for shots. or clothes. perhaps an autowin promotion. strip TP whilst wearing the autogear????

asher said...

i totes just read this wrong...

cait said...
"carly i happen to love gay-fucking kids, thank you very much."

don't we all.

word veri - ooh tough one, 'grcylxdp" wtf?

dewey said...

I totally just wrote a top ten! This is exciting as it may well be the first top ten ive ever written! What?!? i hear you say, well yes i have to say i dont think ive ever written a top ten before. I have a short attention span so my "tops" were normally like top fives. And this was on the rare occassion i actually wrote "top.." lists, i dont think i ever really did that.

Anyways, yeah, i now have a "Top Ten Reasons Why I Cant come Out" list. What will probably happen to this now is it will sit on my computer for a few days, maybe a week and then i will delete it and it will never be shown to anyone. BUT...that is not the point...the point is...i wrote one!

Lozo said...

for the record, i had planned on freezing the 2:11 mark of this vlog and pleasuring myself, but after that "lozo masturbates all the time" comment, i feel bad about doing it so i won't now.

and now that i'm a city worker, i'm definitely making the trip up to see the angel of harlem and spicing up this vlog thing a little. i'll come. i swear.

stef said...

blowfish. always. cheers for those. hootie too.

riese said...

cait: I love fucking gay kids. Just throwin' it out there.
The thing is though, I'm totally on top of hearing things about culture. I may witness very little, but I bet I've read an article about it.

amlisdabomb: I just use blogrolling, it's really easy. But my blogroll is sort of obscenely long, so I can't really use just the blogger template or my head would explode. As long as you don't have "Read-Me" in your list anymore, you're good to go.

Quoting us in away messages on AIM IS LOVE. Actually ... it's so love that I'm pretty sure I can die happy now.

asher: We do. We totally do. (see above)

dewey: what?!!?!?!?

I'd like to see a "Top Ten Reasons Why I Can Come Out" list and number one will be "'cause Riese says so." No but really ... you should obvs not do anything that would rock your wold in ten unspeakable ways. If you've got ten reasons ... well, that's a lot of reasons. There's always college. Or Uni, whatever you kids call it over there. I've never come out to anyone, so I'm actually the worst person ever to take advice from.

lozo:You know, and here I was thinking innocently "no one will notice that shirt is see-thru if i just flash it for a second."

And it's ON for the spicing of the vlog. I mean, you better come prepared. I mean, come whenever you want to, but BE prepared. Hav's out of town, and I'll be out of town too, so we're looking at late January/early February. I'd email you this information, but some of us have to get up for work in the morning.

stef: I got that cd TWICE for my Bat Mitzvah.

Anonymous said...

I can't remember if I've commented on your blog before because the only time I consider commenting on your blog is when I'm totes shitfaced drunk, but, point is, I've been reading it for a whiles and now I live in NYC so lezbe friens?

Lozo said...

sorry for responding so late, but i passed out after a long work week while watching leno. it's what i do now.

and you're going out of town? you don't go outside. going to your kitchen doesn't count. but you pick a day, and i'll come. i would've emailed you, but i had a big meeting with the sales department regarding that huge account early this morning.

Daria said...

I vote yes for the list of la musica. Seriously.

Side note: <3 gossip girl, great ref, whoevs did it = the winner in D's book.

Anonymous said...

i totes love lez's! yous guys make the best friend. lindsay lohan! i would love to visit the harlem son. the pretty girls in sweathoods make me happy's!! bye for now!!

Anonymous said...

Hey check it out Paris Hilton posted on your blog ^^^

riese said...

anonymous: Yeah, totally! Next time I see you around, I'll be like, omggg that's anonymous, lez totes be friens, sincerily forever, anonymous.

lozo: sorry for taking so long to get back to you, some of us have to work in the morning.

i go outside at least twice a day, sometimes more. (coffee+gym, coffee+more coffee, actually going out+coffee+gym, etc.) And I am going to be out of town, holla, on an island. i'll email you but I've got a 6:45 meeting to make, some of us have meetings to make morning.

daria: a'ight you got it.

anonymous: you are the best comment of all times.

anonymous: I know, right?!

chrissy said...

So am I cool enough to hang out with you in Le Harlem anytime soon? I'll bring one of my hoodie's if that makes me any cooler. People on Longgiland are boring...except me, obvs. I'm quite entertaining.