Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Sunday Top Ten: If You're Going to Hang Out, You Might As Well Hang Out AT THE MALL!

We went to the mall yesterday. You know, the mall? Where all the cool kids hang out, eating their Panda Express and getting Glamour Shots? The mall! The glorious Mall in New Jersey Somewhere! Upon entering I immediately exclaimed "I love the smell of commerce in the morning!" but I don't know if Hav or Cait got the reference, they probs thought I made it up, in which case they probs thought I was a very funny and creative person. In fact I'm not, after all, as I was quoting Mallrats (which was referencing Apocalypse Now, which was "adapted from" Conrad's Heart of Darkness.) AND believe it or not, this here is the tenth contestant in the "Sunday Top Ten Topic Contest" this week. I even considered doing a Sunday Top Ten of failed Sunday Top Ten topics, but I figured I'll save that winner for next week, or next year. I'm pretty sure I'll start thinking more clearly later this week, right now I feel all the ideas have been zapped from my head by Ilene Chaiken, my secret lover and BFF forevs. Also my flatiron died today and I'm probs more sad about that then any of you have ever been about your lesbian cat dying. How am I supposed to have hipster bangs without a hair iron?

Here's what we learned at the mall: we are OLD. You guys, we are really old, we are our grandmothers. We couldn't even be in Abercrombie for more than five seconds because not only did the entire place smell so much like a freshman frat party that we could barely breathe, but there was an impossibly thin little nymphette plucking around the store spraying even MORE Abercrombie cologne into the air, to maintain this sense memory atmosphere. And Hollister. Did I really shop here in college, and, if so, did I not feel a bit old? Hollister: the "California surf shack" exterior, the darkened windows, the emo music, the short-shorts. Haviland held up a pair and said, "These are boyshorts, right? These aren't actual shorts? Who wears this stuff?" I'll tell you who: the youth of America. That's how they get laid and do drugs, they just push the half-centimeter of fabric aside and they're ready for entrance, no need to disrobe. Look what happened to Jamie Lynn. We'd probs feel right at home at Talbot's or Ann Taylor with the rest of our age group.

The best part of our trip to The Mall was when this Kiosk woman asked Cait "Can I ask you a question?" and Cait was like "You just did," and just kept on walking. Anyhow, I love New Jersey Mall, 'cause it was mid-day on a Monday and so it was just us and the sweet smell of commerce. Also I love my friends, and I love my new sweatpants and they have in fact changed my life, I am approximately 10% happier than I was yesterday morning when I didn't have these sweatpants yet.

Anyhow, I used to really like the mall when I was actually a young person. I mean -- I used to think I liked the mall, just like I used to think I liked a lot of things that are embarrassing now, like chain wallets and boys who didn't wash their hair. We like, hung out there. Like it was our hangout.


10. The White Horse Tavern (The West Village):
When you're a little girl in the Midwest who dreams about New York, you dream about places like this. Once upon a time The White Horse Tavern was frequented by people like Dylan Thomas (who died there), Bob Dylan, Jim Morrison, Norman Mailer, James Baldwin, Hunter S. Thompson and Jack Kerouac. Poor writers/starving artists can't afford West Village residences anymore, so The Tavern's become a tourist attraction. [UPDATE: Totally not. Totally still legit place to go, frequented by verified cool people, I have been alerted of this by more than one person.] I bet places like this still thrive like in Brooklyn but I'm guessing they're in an area of Brooklyn that requires transferring trains, which I clearly cannot do, as I am super busy. New York Magazine describes the WHT as "the nostalgic high temple of the Alcoholic Artist." Those are my people.

9. The Hotel (Wherevs):
In junior high, hotel parties focussed on swimming, eating cake, and talking about boys. Sometime in late high school my friends started having a lot of "hotel parties" at the Wolverine Inn, a sketchy motel out by the freeway that seemed to take any business it could get, even large groups of rascaly 16-year-olds. My Mom the never let me go to any of these parties but that's OK, I had lots of fun at home staring at the ceiling fan, obviously.

But on Sunday night we had a hotel party and we agreed it reminded us a lot of high school parties, which is awesome, I like retroactive experience. Why'd we have a hotel party? Because Cait's 25th birthday cosmically coincided with The End of Les Misery Day and L Word Day! When Carly, Alex, Cait and I got to The W with our beer & carrots, remarkably only three hours behind schedule, the guy at the front desk was like "Any more than six people in that room is a disaster." We were like, fuck, because we're expecting about 30. (We didn't say that out loud, we said '10' and he shook his head and gritted his teeth like "prepare for SARS.") We were basically spooked into thinking that, were we to exceed capacity, we'd be eating each other's hair (and not in a good way, like how I want to eat Alice's hair) with our fingers up each other's butts and our elbows in each other's ears, and that security would march upstairs and murder us if we made any noise or if we were seen escorting many peoples up to our room. We panicked and started canceling the party but then we got to the room and were like, durr, it's totally fine. Then we drank some vodka and were like WHOOOO! It's TOTALLY FINE! and told everyone "JK" if they still wanted to come, and most of them did. Then we (Haviland, Cait, Carly, Alex, Myself & Ryan) had a slumber party which also reminded me of high school, with Carly and I playing the parts of the kids who keep talking really loud and making jokes while everyone else tries to sleep. Then the next day I went to Hollister and remembered that I am a dinosaur, not a high school student. Did you ever see that show "Dinosaurs" with the baby who hit his Dad on the head with a pan and went "Not the mama!" or whatevs? I loved that show. I was talking about it while we were at the mall actually, in the convo about what shows Ree-Ree was allowed to watch as a baby. Really I'm just a fan of anything involving muppets. This paragraph no longer has anything to do with hangouts, although, actually, I would like to hang out in Fraggle Rock, given the chance.

8. The Factory (East Midtown NYC):
When you're a little girl in the midwest who dreams about New York, you dream about places like this that no longer exist. Andy Warhol's legendary studio -- where he mass-produced silk screens and assembled a team of "Factory Superstars" to help create paintings and be in his films and contribute to the overall atmosphere of hipster genderfuck artist revolutionary drug addict totally fabulous awesome super-cool way-hot hot hot hot people doing Important Things with Art to Change the World. It's okay that it no longer exists though because if it existed now, it'd probs have a blog and then Gawker might make fun of it and then New York Magazine would write an article about Gawker making fun of the Factory blog and then all of our heads would explode and we could make a film about that and put it on YouTube and then we'd be famous for like 15 minutes, or whatevs.

Sidenote: I wonder if the concept of a concrete "hangout" has been displaced by the advent of cell phones. You know? Like now we can find out where our people are instantly, even when they're on the go, so we no longer need a common meeting place where it's likely you'll find the people you can't get ahold of at that moment. Does that make sense? Also, someone's cooking cheeseburgers outside and I want one even though I just had dinner.

7. The Fleetwood (Ann Arbor):
This is like The Salt of The Earth Hangout: The Fleetwood was the bomb. It's a 24-hour greasy spoon diner -- and always the same kids outside late with their rusty trucks in the lot back behind the restaurant. Gross bathroom, mediocre food, bad service ... but also when we were teenagers it felt TOTALLY REAL AND LIKE HONEST. We felt like authentic punks sitting out there at 2 A.M., smoking cigarettes and eating ketchup-drenched french fries with the kids who wore leather jackets adorned with safety-pinned fabric scraps bearing Food Not Bombs and Anarchy logos and had pierced everything and dyed everything else. Maybe that's the essence of a Real Hangout -- defined by the patrons rather than the establishment itself.

6. The Peach Pit (Beverly Hills obvs), and here's why:
a) Every every moment is a good time for a cheeseburger, even if you're 5'8 and 110 pounds -- a frame often suggestive of a more restrictive diet -- cheeseburger and fries, Nat, thank you. Deluxe. I want at least two animals killed to make this sucker. YUMM, megaburgers.
b) The Peach Pit After Dark -- the nightclub attached to the Peach Pit run by Valerie and David and later bought by Dylan to save it from going under-- showcased a totally random assortment of 90's pop acts: Collective Soul, Donna Lewis, The Barenaked Ladies, The Cardigans, Eric Benet and Tamia, The Goo Goo Dolls, The Brian Setzer Orchestra, Duncan Sheik and Monica.
c) Nat, obvs. He's like Debbie Navatni -- the wise sage of all things adolescent. A way to a teenager's heart is through their stomach, etc.

5. The Planet (West Hollywood but filmed in Vancouver):
Here's the thing ... if I knew that all my friends, all my enemies, and all my ex-whatevers would be at one specific coffee shop ... that'd be pretty cool, 'cause then I'd know exactly where NOT to go. But also, if I knew where Leisha Hailey was gonna be I'd probs wanna be there. Also, in The L Word, when you break up with someone, they don't just leave your life, they leave the entire universe. Even if you met them at The Planet, they will never again be seen at The Planet, because they're in the vortex with Papi and Mark, so you know. Urm. I like going to coffee shops where I can be a weirdo in my hoodie with my laptop and Ave Maria while everyone else functions like normal social humans.

4. Worldwide Plaza (Midtown):
Haviland loves Worldwide Plaza. Seriously -- if it was a warm day in 2007 and anyone wanted to do anything, Hav or Heather would always suggest Worldwide Plaza. It's an outdoor seating area near a few food establishments and it's close to the Broadhurst (where Hav worked) and New World Stages (where Heather worked) and also near where everyone on Broadway worked (Broadway) which meant we'd always run into people she knew there. There's lots of sun, which Haviland enjoys and I try to stay away from as much as possible, lest it interfere with my intense Gorey-esque darkness and porcelin skin. Probs if I'd been like "I'd like to get married" or "I'd like to hold a relay race for handicapped animals of all shapes and sizes," Hav would've been like "OOO how's Worldwide Plaza?"

3. Harlumbia (Uptown West):
In Manhattan you've gotta keep re-inventing space because there's not enough of it to go around, not really, like Carrie Bradshaw says (YEAH I'm quoting Carrie Bradshaw, and it is SOOOO not the first time I've done this): "After a breakup, the city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces." I think it applies to more than just breakups, though, you know? It's anything -- anything strong that left a mark. There aren't many neighborhoods in this city that aren't already cocked and loaded towards things I miss, and I've only lived here for a few years. And so I like to attack neighborhoods like I do with music (I play it on repeat 'til it's more associated with this repeating moment than with it's prior life) -- I can't afford to lose my favorite neighborhoods to the ghosts it now shelters, so I make myself go there, create new memories, new associations, fresher and different context. Like: this still exists, this place where you were, and that now you are. I feel like I've reinvented this particular neighborhood over and over and I must because it's my favorite: it was where Jake lived in John Jay, it was where I went to summer school, it was right below where Chase lived and so I'd walk there after stopping at Mo's because I was not just a friend but a friend/drug mule and then it was the closest neighborhood to my apartment and so then. also. also. also. It was where we spent most spring afternoons in '07 ... with her friend who sold used books on 110th and she'd play Jimi Hendrix on guitar and I'd read and we'd watch the genius kid play chess and we'd play chess and smoke cigarettes and drink liquor out of juice bottles. Then it'd become evening and we'd get food and walk home and cook it. I'd managed to avoid the area 'til about October, which's quite a feat considering its proximity, but then I was ready and I walked right to it and sat down with her friend the bookseller and we talked for a few hours about what happened this summer and what's happening now and it was really good, really nice. I walked there the next day too to go to my favorite stationary store ... day after day when there wasn't much else I could handle, other people in particular. But I was starting to feel safer & stronger. I was in physical therapy once for about seven months, and we'd do all these exercises to strengthen my quads to make my knees better and walking to Harlumbia I guess was like physical therapy for my little baby mind. Now I can do lunges.

2. The Mall, OBVS.
As a pre-adolescent, I loved the fuck out of the mall. There was nowhere we'd rather be: trying on Guess jeans at Hudson's, snatching fresh-baked samples from Mrs. Field's, paying $2.99 for poppy cassette singles at Musicland or Recordtown or whatevs, people-watching from a window table at Olga's while enjoying Orange Cream Coolers and gooey greasy pita bread-and-cheese "sandwiches," imitating what we imagined to be grown-up sex noises while sitting in Sharper Image's suggestive massage chairs. The boys would shoplift handfuls of gummy candy from Mr. Bulky's and we'd buy BFF necklaces from Claire's or get $3.00 makeovers at The Body Shop. I guess it was a safe temperature-controlled space for our parents to send us, though mine was obvs the last to permit such things (fascist, etc.) -- safer than downtown, where I fled to as soon as I got old enough to know better. Maybe the mall was a space station where I could pretend to be like all the other kids, potentially -- my present state of being wasn't nearly as important as what I'd possibly come there to improve via purchase.

Who'd be there? Who might we run into? What fun adolescent hijinks might occur? The mall as a centerpiece of teen culture is somewhat passe at this point -- I think the internet is the new default blame for adolescent hijinkery. Now it's impossible for me to enter a mall without feeling my very presence in such a space is ironic. Now when we go it's very specific -- we're looking for these items, these are the stores where we may locate said items, etc. But just going to the mall to hang out -- to pretend we're there for anything but commerce -- seems ludicrous, almost. Also,the mall is in decline, I read all about it in The Economist. You can also look at pictures of dead malls at deadmalls.com. It's kinda gross and fascinating. As I've mentioned, I'm mildly obsessed with Detroit and its structural decline, and deadmalls is no Detroit, but still.

1. My Apartment:
My place is the best place in Manhattan to hang out, and here's why -- I can't possibly be late for something that's happening in my own apartment. Plus, all my stuff is here, so if I need anything, I can just like -- get it! Also we have The Roof, another top hangout. Also it's the cleanest/neatest occupied-by-twentysomething-peoples apartment I've ever seen, seriously. Except for my room, my room is not one of the cleanest rooms I've ever seen, because I've got a lot of stuff. Which brings me back around to why this is a good place to hang out = all my stuff is here. And by "all my stuff" I mean "my new sweatpants" which you must realise is how other people probs feel about getting new cars. I haven't even wiped my hands on them yet (I tend to confuse my pants with napkins when I'm eating and computing at the same time), that's how much I love them.

I've sat in corners at parties hoping for someone who knew the virtue
of both distance and close quarters, someone with a corner person's taste
for intimacy, hard won, rising out of shyness and desire.
And I've turned corners there was no going back to, corners
in the middle of a room that led to Spain or solitude.
And always the thin line between corner and cornered,
the good corners of bodies and those severe bodies that permit no repose,
the places we retreat to, the places we can't bear to be found.
-from "Corners" by Stephen Dunn


chrissy said...

I'm so obsessed with Worldwide Plaza, it's ridiculous. I've spent many days there with friends and my sister. It's like, the ideal place to have silly little photoshoots (but only when it's sunny). I saw Haviland there once, but it was before I knew her name, so it was more like "OMG *insert friends name*, I think that girl's in Les Mis!" Next thing I know, I'm looking at pix on Facebook of WWP, and Haviland's in the background with these huge white sunglasses on her head. Fun times, y'all.

Allie said...

Mr. Bulky's...rockin'. I thought those stores had all disappeared, but I recently discovered there is still one in a strip mall where my parents live in northeastern Ohio. Now when I visit my family, I always want to go there for gummy grapefruit, which I don't think exists anywhere else on the planet.

Also, one of the malls where I grew up had a giant thematic park-sized carousal in the food court, and when we were being cool hanging out in the mall, buying bodysuits at Rave, we thought we were coolly uncool to go get on a horse for a quarter and ride with the kids. Like, we're so completely not embarrassed to be as uncool as we are, we know we're cooler than you. Oh, to be 13.

Now I shop online at Ann Taylor because I don't want to go to the ultra-trendy outdoor mall with the suburban moms screaming at their babysitters that they just need a couple more hours to relax. Old.

Fragolina said...

OMG Donna Lewis! I love her always forever.

I feel the trend now is away from the indoor malls of our youth and toward those giant outdoor monstrosities that could be their own municipality. And I find the little teenyboppers find a way to combine the social aspects of the mall with the social aspects of the internet. I work at the Apple Store and, on Friday nights, it is wall-to-wall 14-year-old girls taking pictures of themselves on Photobooth (we actually took Photobooth out of the dock on all the floor computers so they'd at least have to search for it) and posting them on facebook. We employees like to play a little game called "get in the background making unattractive faces."

Oh, and this post makes me extremely happy because it makes me think of the greatest fictional Canadian pop star ever, Ms. Robin Sparkles.

It might even be legen...wait for it...DARY. (That probably makes no sense to non-How I Met Your Mother fans.)

Crystal said...

I'm a tragic tourist so I've hung at the White Horse on an almost-embarrassing number of occasions. It's probably second or third to my #1 NYC hang-out spot, St Mark's Place. It fuels my delusions of becoming a princess of darkness, etc, or something. I don't really understand why I hang out at the places I do.

I don't think I've been to world-wide plaza, I'll have to put it on my to-do list, it sounds nice.

Ingrid said...

Might I add 1) the Melody Freeze 2) Grandma's Kitchen, and 3) Other people's bedrooms. I'm thinking specifically of how other girls' rooms always seemed so mysterious and full of things that could be loaded with personal meaning, whether it was seashells used as ashtrays since 1998, or b+w photos of friends from middle school. Like at Interlochen, I loved lounging across the hall in kim and akiko's, sarah/javonne/lauren's, beth b's, krista's bed, etc. Other people's pillows were more comfortable, they had better tapestries from Urban Outfitters, whatever. Familiar songs were more meaningful when I heard them out of the context of my own room. And so on.

carlytron said...

Fragolina I was just coming on here to post about Robin Sparkles. I'm a huge HIMYM fan, true story! When I am home, and not posting from my phone, I'll post the video for all to see.

I was also going to add that I often say, "I love the smell of commerce in the morning," upon entering malls. Obvs.

"That kid is back on the escalator!"

Which mall did y'all go to while I was at work all day (jerks)?

Haviland Stillwell said...

1. Riese, I LOLed three times while reading this - srsly Carolyn and Brooks think I'm a lunatic (we have the NH primaries on, obvs...)

2. i absolutely didn't get the mallrats joke, as i didn't enjoy that movie when i saw it in what, like, 1994? so, yeah...

3. quote of the day was Brooks saying, "what a room full of weirdos!" srsly. it was amazing.

4. worldwide plaza is amazing. i can guarantee you the first day it is sunny and above 75 degrees, i will be there. chrissy's story is hilarious.

Fragolina said...

Really, HIMYM is the reason I am desperate for the writer's strike to be over. That and 30 Rock. Everything else I can live without, but not those two.

Speaking of HIMYM (and Les Mis), have you seen this?

I think it's beyond adorable.

eric mathew said...

so the thing i love about hollister is that if you want a headache that is the store for you...and they also have this thing that if they make the store 80 degrees then you will want to take off your clothes and try on their savy surf stuff. but who are we kidding...we all know that the guys who work there can't surf and were only hired to stand there and look good...oh yeah and ask "would you like to open up a hollister account?"

p.s. the dinasours basi scared the shit out of me when i was younger...i have nightmares about the opening. i think i blame that show for not doing well in science...

hope the hotel party was totes fun...but i don't even have to ask because i know it was.

riese said...

chrissy: You thought that was cute, you should see her with those big white sunglasses on her face!

allie: WE TOTALLY WENT THERE FOR GUMMY GRAPEFRUIT. That was my friend Alina's favorite candy and she said it was the only place she could find it, she freaked out about it. I can't believe Mr. Bulky's still exists. Go Ohio!

Fragolina: That's amazing, I'm imagining these girls putting on their makeup and shit and then going to the apple store to take photos. That actually sounds like something I would've done, but ironically, obvs.

crystal: OOOO we'll have to go when you get into town!! Worldwide Plaza is no place to go in the wintertime, I'm looking out for your best interests.

ingrid: That's perfect, 'cause Mel-Caf was on an earlier list, but then I thought it was possible I'd already talked about the Mel-Caf in an earlier post. Also, I feel like you just said it. About other people's rooms, like perfectly. And as Corkie's roomie, you know a thing or two about B+W photos from middle school. I loved kim & akiko's the mostest, i think, it just felt like really deep things happened there, like the kinds of things that made little girls into Artists.

carly: I just lol'ed at "(jerks)" I honestly don't know, I think it was in Paramus? Next time you can come and we'll go "I love the smell of commerce in the morning" together.

haviland stillwell: you are number eight lunatic too probs. you would've gone there today had you not been in savannah because it was beautiful beautiful day in nyc. i hear.

fragolina: oh yes, we here at the autoempire are big big fans of that video. and by 'we here' i mean myself, and i think i made haviland watch it, though also, did I? I can't believe I would've gotten her to follow a youtube link, I must've strapped her down and made her watch it. and i believe she lol'ed.

eric: It was totally boiling hot in there. That was the real reason we left the store, not because we were too grown up. It was like a hot jungle of adolescent weirdoness.

dorothy said...

Laughed out loud at "they just push the half-centimeter of fabric aside and they're ready for entrance." Thank you for that.


Commenting on a comment-
Fragolina- OMG that link is like the best most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It made me cry. Thank YOU for that.

Anonymous said...

this post makes me yearn to live in nyc. i'd totally spot you trying to enter the abercromb and suggest you back away slowly. because the only time it's permitted to wear that little of cotton on your body is when it's autoapparel. obvs.

word veri: wfusp = what the fuck is up?

carlytron said...

1) I had NOT seen that clip and it is amazing. I have all the DVDs and like to busy myself by watching the gag reel and the episodes with commentary because I am AWESOME and also because there is a writer's strike going on, dammit!

2) ROBIN SPARKLES!!! OMG!! You can be her MySpace friend, too.

3) As horrifying (and hot and headache-inducing and overwhelming) as both Hollister and A&F are, the WORST one is their 3rd chain, Ruehl. It's the most expensive of the 3 and the absolute worst shopping experience of your life, I promise.

4) I watched Cashmere Mafia tonight and I have a lot of feelings about it, I might actually post a blog entry about it. Can you believe it? Me? A blog? I know, preposterous!

5) Word ver: "ifagompx" ... It says "fag" ... "ifag!" I think that's a new Apple product.

Anonymous said...

I share the same feelings with you about sweatpants. When I bought my new car I needed a new pair of sweatpants to drive around in.

And ya those stores are annoying. Abercrombie is just obnoxious, to shop at Hollister you need a flash light to find anything.(Ive only been to one Hollister at 12 Oaks and its always way dark) Pacsun is the best store in the mall... according to me anyway.

Amy said...

Crestfallen that the Max did not make the hangout list. I mean, really?

Atherton Bartelby said...

I think you and I experienced the same childhood, in re: numbers ten and eight. Except replace the "girl" in the sentence that begins both of those items, "When you're a little girl in the midwest who dreams about New York" with "homo boy." Oh and sometimes The White Horse Tavern was replaced with The Algonquin (Round Table). Oh and also sometimes The Factory was replaced with Studio 54. (Funny how you can take the homo boy out of the midwest, but you can't take the over-thinking alcoholic drug addict out of the midwestern boy.)

Also funny how once I finally made it to New York the only place I ever really hung out was KGBBar on West Fourth.

I suppose it's because all of those other places were just...gone...either really gone or just not there anymore, the way they used to be, the way I imagined them.

Like malls.

I clicked on that deadmalls site that you linked and became immediately nostalgic for two malls I literally grew up in, in Indiana, whenever my parents and I would visit my brother and his wife. One was the mall in which I learned to ice skate for the first time. The other, according to the site, was demolished in 2005. It made me sad for a moment. Until I realized that I was approximately 10% happier for having remembered it, thanks to you, than I was yesterday morning, when I had all but forgotten it.

You know. Like the sweatpants.

Ms. Jackson said...

Wouldn't the world be a much better place if more people were like Debbie Navatni? I believe so.

shannon said...

1st, my hair iron also died this weekend, am very, very upset about it. It's true, bangs are impossible without a hair iron.

2nd, clutch reference to Dinosaurs. I can still sing the theme song to that bastion of TGIF (which was how I spent all my friday from ages 7 to 12. I was/am so cool)

a;ex said...

'LOL' times a million - two thumbs up!
I laughed! (re: Cait - "You just did.")
I cried! (re: the flatiron.)
I pondered the various substances you could've been on while writing this!

You're right about most everything - I can't believe I liked going to the mall in the old days.

cait said...

totally didn't get the reference either. my scarf still smells like abercrombie, my nose still burns from american eagle, and i'm still tired from the hotel. i am a grandmother for real. let's go again soon!

carly it was garden state plaza, fyi

Lozo said...

you never blog about the sports.

Anonymous said...

are we ever going to see a picture of this cait person?

riese said...

dorothy: Yes, I speak from experience. (jk)

anonymous: Indeed, autoapparel, obvs. Hot word veri.

Carlytron: they had a ruehl there. Unfortunately it was so cool I couldn't even see inside ... shaded windows and everything. I want an ifag to tell me what to wear.

Anonymous: Who are you? You just namedropped 12 Oaks, which almost made it into this post, as I was going to talk about how it used to be a special treat to go to 12 Oaks instead of Briarwood, but then Somerset came along and displaced 12 Oaks as the good mall to go to if you were going to leave town just to go to the mall. but then I realised that's probably not interesting to anyone besides me. But clearly I had to say it anyhowwww. PacSun is secretly awesome, I wholly agree ... and maybe I once had a PacSun card . I can neither confirm or deny that.

Amy: OMG, didn't even think of it! That would've been good if only for Max's magic tricks and the abundance of dance contests.

Atherton Bartelby: Word on The Algonquin and Studio 54. I think I talked about the Algonquin in "clubs I'd like to be a member of" top 10, but the degree to which I've romanticized Studio 54 in my head is really quite criminal. I even saw the movie w/Ryan Phillipe and probs a handful of documentaries about it ... and still, just can't get enough. It somehow seems to embody all the fun we imagine people had before they knew that drugs could kill you and that aids existed. dammit. Now i'm in New York and the only place I ever really hang out is my room.

Yes, like the sweatpants. I know.

Ms. Jackson: I agree.

Shannon: Thank you for watching that show, I loved it. I bought a new hair iron today. It's still heating up. It's nothing like the old one. I wore a hat all day.

a;ex: Totes sober-blogging. I even wrote it during the day, and as we all know, I do not partake in substances during daylight hours.

cait: Speaking of grandmothers and malls, once my grandmother took me to the mall in dayton ohio and i got overall shorts but I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep them or not and she wanted me to wear my new overall shorts and i did but i left the tags on so I could return it if I decided I didn't like it, which I think I did a lot since my Mom loves returning things, and then we went to Wendy's and my grandmother was like "those boys are looking at you," and I was like "no they aren't," and she was like 'yeah they are" and then when I looked at them they laughed and were like "the tags are still on your overalls" and I was like "I KNOW." and then I think I felt really embarrassed but that was like when I was 11 or something, or maybe younger, and now i am fully recovered.

Lozo: You never blog about the feelings! Always the sport and the rah rah man meat!

Anonymous: The Great Mysteries of Life ... doododoododoo

Victoria said...

yes... Worldwide Plaza for the $3 Blockhead's margaritas. This is definitely a haunt.

emily said...

This post is funny for many reasons (ie. mallrats quote, esp.) but also because I MIGHT have been in the Poughkeepsie Mall recently waiting on friends to run errands and I MIGHT have done all of my shopping at the Ann Taylor Loft store there. So in conclusion, I am old.

Razia said...

I went through a phase where I was enchanted by everything Andy Warhol and my life plans at that point in my life was to move to NYC and be the next Andy Warhol. I would have a bigger, better factory that was less cattier and less dudes that were pricks. This was before I moved back to Australia and decided I'm more into sunshine and economics than art and pale skin, obvs.

Anonymous said...

i went to the mall in ohio-and attempted to walk into abercrombie (why? i don't know--it must of been the gleaming body of a prepubescent boy)...and i was effectively ushered out...bc i was too old. when did this happen? marie, i too can't believe you wore hollister;) abercrombie was clearly so much cooler--and, that is, of course, why i rocked it like a rockstar our senior year. do you remember those skirts i wore?! we wore?!

Lozo said...

you want me to blog about man meat? who are you?

and what is up with all the gawker ass-kissing in the google reader? seriously. who are you?

Anonymous said...

Well it was interesting to me because I totally forgot about Somerset. I don't know how its only like the nicest mall around. But hey thanks for the reminder. And btw I am no one really. I just somehow found your blog and now I read it all the time. I even check the automatic space before I check my myspace. Some might say I have a small crush. I will neither confirm or deny that.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

From Mallrats and Dinosaurs! to venues relevant to literary history, all in a top ten. You're a special one, you.

Thusly, I'm recruiting you on a mission -- should you choose to accept it -- to force Haviland to rewatch Mallrats. This must happen. (And be vlogged?)

I work sports, so I like scanning the occasional site that doesn't involve orange balls.

... dear god, did that comment just happen?

dewey said...

I have to admit my music knowledge is pretty shocking, unless you’re asking me about musicals or the few people/bands I actually like and therefore know about.

You’re probably wondering why I'm telling you this. Well, the autowin soundtrack, I like it a lot, but I know about 6 songs out of the 18 songs.

Therefore i have a question...

Could I have a track list?

amlisdabomb said...

hello. and although I don't know half of these places you talked about, I liked getting the visuals, even if some of them scared me.

also, brill comment about St. Elmo's Fire. I just really like the part where there's a hurricane in Demi Moore's apartment because she has one window open.

One more thing, since my best friend won't do this I have to. We wanted to know if we could link to you from our blog? I wanted to ask permission. It was supposed to be her mission, but obviously I caved. BUT since she didn't, I'm going to tell you that because of Haviland she now embraces her 'crazy curly sex hair'.

Peach said...

I sent this to Lozo too, thought you might likey

riese said...

Victoria: $3 margaritas? Haviland never mentioned that.

emily: Like 95% of the things I rip on, I've actually never been to Ann Taylor. It just looks like it sells clothes for people with real jobs. So in conclusion, I am weirdo.

Razia: And here I am ... still into the art and pale skin.

nata: The best part is that denim abercrombie skirt I bought on ebay for $2 while stoned and sitting on your bed on my laptop -- I totally STILL WEAR IT. It's my good luck skirt. I just remember that little plaid number you rocked even in the dead of winter : "Marie, just drink more! If you drink more, you won't be cold! Drink more!"

Lozo: I know, omg, Gawker's hits are gonna SKYROCKET today 'cause of me. I'll be the new bloggorhea intern before you can whip out your man meat. (But really, I just share things that i found interesting, I don't care where they come from. But yeah, I actually for months purposely didn't share Gawker items, even if I liked them, but what can I say, I'm getting lazy in my old age.)

Brooklyn Boy: I AM a special one. We've got a long list for little Havi, including Empire Records ... and now Mallrats.

dewey: Check out the auto-universe -- there's a playlist on there, holla!

amlisdabomb: This goes for anyone who wants to link to me -- of course you can link to me, I'm clearly an attention whore and would like for everyone in the entire universe to link to me! Everyone! Everyone!

And also, if you want me to link to you and i don't already, just say so, and I will. Totessss.

And that is awesome about embracing the curl. Holla!

Peach: That woman makes a very good argument for the thong as attractive. Hm. Turn around. Closer. Hm. This is like the Sims, but real.

Fragolina said...

Okay,I was re-reading this and I must say I don't think I could ever live in Fraggle Rock. There was too much drama.

Also, did I miss a St. Elmo's Fire reference? I looked and couldn't find it. I love that movie, and only semi-ironically.

Oh, and Dorothy: I'm glad you enjoyed the link!

Chloe said...

So I randomly found this blog and I'm totally pumped I've finally found someone with my sense of humor and there's actually people out there that say "whatevs" and "obvs"...cuz I do, and my friends look at me weird.

And also, I hate the mall too. The little emo kids that hang out in the food court and outside of hot topic are too much for me to handle. I can feel the angst from all the way over at Panda Express.

Razia said...

Maybe that's why I can't quit this? Who knows.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

This is me petitioning for a spot in the audience as Hav witnesses Mallrats and Empire, which are (obvs) mandatory viewing material.

Also, I concur re: thongs. They are aces.

Irish and Jew said...

Jew works in WorldWidePlaza... great place to accidently bump into a rapper driving a Black Hummer.

More importantly what mall were you at?!?! I really hope it was GSP and not some sub par establishment like Paramus Park.

Happy Friday