Monday, November 12, 2007

I See You, And I Just Wanna VLOG With You

The Secrets Week installments will continue to flow in your general direction like water down a rocky smokin' hot river of lesbian sex and double lives [in no particular order, but I'm going to try to do all of 'em], but today we're going to take a brief "time out," so to speak, for a short film. I used to love "movie days" in school, because "movie day" is code for "nap day," and let's face it, adolescence is an exhausting sport. Haviland just told me that I sit like a gargoyle in my chair ["spider monkey" = Cait's e-evaluation] and thus have only myself to blame for my knee and back problems. I'd like to blame everyone who isn't providing me with Vicodin.

Then she told me that it's Veteran's Day. What a perfect day for a Vlog! Because like "Veteran," the word "Vlog" also begins with the letter "V." Other "V" words include Vendetta, Venus (like the razor), Vagina and Victory.

There was really no point to this vlog, as you'll see when you attempt to watch it without falling asleep. We defo need a point for next time ... I guess a comment contest is due. Topics covered include: the meeting of Haviland and Lozo, the stagehands strike, facebook applications,, our big trip to the psychic palm-reader (with Lozo, Cait, A;ex, Stef, one gay guy [UPDATE: Not gay. He was not gay, he just had Product in his hair.] and one straight guy), and, per usual, a few requisite sexual allusions. And, as per usual, I play with my hair way too much and move around a lot. ALOT. Because my back hurt. I really annoy myself in this one. This is a good sell, right now. This is why I'm not in Sales.

Also, this vlog may summon sweet memories of the random ANTM confessional room with lingerie-themed wall decor, because a collage that Hav made me for my birthday is behind us in on set, and this collage features lady-legs and strategically placed lips. They are very nice lips, very glossy. Mmmm lip gloss. Also, the other day, I was out with all these lesbians and the only one who could give me chapstick was Lozo.

Also, speaking of confessionals, I may or may not have hugged Lozo and told him that I cared about him for reals, and he may have forgotten this exchange altogether because he was so drunk because he's THIRTY. [Also, Stef is TWENTY FOUR.]

Also, this girl named Julia had a tiara, and she let A;ex and I drink all her alcohol at her fiesta, which was awesome, obvs. Big up to Jules, making magic happen, hot. Haviland doesn't remember what hair product brand she uses, and doesn't know how to become a stagehand though it's not really a growth industry right now, I learned that myself on the news. I think that's all I have to say about this. On with it.


Lozo said...

this vlog didn't answer any of my questions. and the video didn't show my "why is she filming this" facial expression that i made for the camera.

stagehand jobs. you couldn't get a minute of material on that?

"we have nothing to talk about because so much happened last night."

that makes no sense. i can't believe this. you're fired.

stef said...

you are a lifesaver, and i'll tell you why - bill (who is not gay, i don't know if he's who you were referring to? bill is the father of my triplets) got invited to some kind of brunch with those chicks and he was texting me last night trying to remember their names. obvs i was in a kick ass mental state to remember names (i really don't remember talking to them at all, only drinking their vodka and announcing "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" to nobody in particular), so i told him i'm pretty sure it started with a t. tanya? tara? tracy? oh, she was wearing a tiara. whatever.

i love how whenever psychic reese was wrong about something she would just insist she was spot on anyway - insisting somebody named jason is coming into cait's life very soon and will be very significant to her, like it or not. it would be awesome if she meant like, friday the 13th jason.

also, i am having my first multiple-day hangover since sophomore year of college. it's kick ass.

Haviland Stillwell said...

lozo, i have NO idea how to get in the stagehands union. perhaps go to their website? IATSE Local One, kid.

Good luck with that.

riese said...

Lozo: That facial expression is there, actually, it's just the video quality. If you um, watch it ten times, you might catch it.

stef: Oh. I hope Bill didn't notice when I was giggling uncontrollably about his predictions related to female romance and pregnancy, because I was thinking 'That is so funny, because he is gay.'

haviland: Stagehand jobs. You couldn't get a few lines of material on that?

a;ex... i've given in to the semi-colon said...

wow Stef your tanya/tara/duh tiara mix-up is the best story ever.

seriously, whats with the facebook applications?

if anything, bathrooms are absolutely the classiest places to make out.

Lozo said...

ha! you do see it! my computer screen at home sucks the balls.

stagehandjobs. a handjob on a stage. come on, people.

cait said...

for some reason i can't watch the vlog? there's just white space, which is tragic.. luckily i have some idea as to what it's about.. the facebook applications are totally out of hand, also lozo if you see the actual footage your face is amazing.. i have to go, jason is here, he's very important to me, life changing some would say

Haviland Stillwell said...

cait, you should go over to and you can see it there. :)

are we all vomitous beyond all vom?

Anonymous said...

Haviland.....the cure?!

Irish and Jew said...

Stagehands make good drinking buds at the Playwright on 8th Ave if you are down for a little sexual harassment.

Facebook makes me dizzy.

Second skin satin made me inhale my sesame chicken.


dorothy said...

re: bonus super-special link of the day- you are my google hero.

Bridget said...

someone threw a sheep at me once and i promptly deleted that application -- i may now go on an app strike...strikes are cool now.

lol that Haviland didn't do anything w/ stagehand jobs.

lol that bill is/isn't gay

lol that this vlog doesn't ask or tell us v. much of anything except that haviland wore a baret 2 meet lozo for the first time. (major props 4 rockin that)

and lmfao at "that is the only thing you can do in life, is just wait for the next joke. so we should just try to laugh and make out" -- fuckin brilliant riese...brilliant!

Haviland Stillwell said...

oh i wear berets about 90% of the time when it's cold out. fo sho.

ok, i should be clear...i know WHO the cure is, i just didn't know a song of their right off the top of my head, ok? sorry, kids, sorry...


word verf: ccfbs
so like, cc-ing someone some effin bs? nice!

caitlinmae said...

I think this vlog definitely kicks it up a knotch, and kicks Lozoreaders who do not recognize the riesiland mega-hottness-factor in the you-know-whats.

Also- the verite feel of Haviland's first encounter with Lozo-- Awardworthy. More like this, please and thank you!

I am making all sorts of words tonight!

Crystal said...

I watched this this morning and had Friday I'm in Love [Cure] stuck in my head all day.

I went to a psychic once and he told strongly advised me against coming in contact with fire. Some could argue common sense, dunno. Anyway.

Adam said...

A suggestion from a compulsive at-work reader...

Perhaps a screenshot for the bonus link of the day instead of a straight link to the search.

If the IT people here decide to have a glance about I might have some splainin' to do.

It might deflect attention from my track marks though, so I guess that's something.

wordver: ywbzt

as in: why booze it?

and really...I think we all know the answer to that question.

riese said...

semi-colon: I agree wholeheartedly with all those things. If we were in a gospel church, I'd be the girl in the back going: "AMEN, sister!" and then I'd be the girl in the bathroom, obviously.

lozo: The funny part of this is that there literally is a part of Les Mis where Haviland pretends to give a guy a hand job on stage. I'm not lying.

cait: I don't know why you can't watch the vlog, but I have a feeling it's got something to do with a big change coming up in your life, or perhaps pregnancy.

haviland: If you want to know the answer to that question you should go to

anonymous: She sort of predicted that response.

irish and jew: who isn't down for a little sexual harassment is the question.

dorothy: I'm not number one anymore on the google search! Am I still your hero? someone else beat me, I hate them, I'll have to talk about girls fucking themselves with bottles more often.

bridget: It's totally meta that you wrote a comment about LOLing and ended it with my advice about LOLing as the key to life, that is just awesome.

haviland stillwell: I think next time we should vlog from the salon and you should be giving me a Cure-esque haircut.

CaitlinMae: really? We felt like this was defo a "not" instead of a "hot." Thank you for appreciating our verite moment. That is all sorts of awesome.

Crystal: I think common sense is passed off as psychic energy a whole lot. I'm going to set up shop and tell people to stay away from floods and knives. And Jasons.

Adam: I think that's actually the moral to the story: "Why Booze it?" I think we all know the answer to that question. Also you should watch Gia because there's good stuff in there about covering up track marks.

Lozo said...

pretends. right. sure. totes. obvs. and all that.

the first thing i was drawn to when i met haviland where her powerful wrists and forearms.

dewey said...

I have very little to say about this vlog because as you said it, it has no point, but pointless conversations are the best, and as always, it still made me laugh.

Anyways, im off to check out