Friday, March 06, 2009

a blog post for my blog. some of it is fun. you will probably want to comment.

[illustration: keren richter]
i need to write a blog post
because people will read it if i do
and usually i write more blog posts than this
because i am not spending all that time
writing about a really terrible teevee show
and starting my own rocketshow on the internet for cyber-performance art
and other death defying acts

to be honest i always hated the circus
because it always seemed dirty
like the other kids especially
and i prefer clean entertainment
i want my entertainment to smell like windex


i was trying to think of something to write about so i took out this old diary from 1989, it's a "Beezus and Ramona Diary" and it has prompts in it because kids can't think of a whole book of diary stuff on their own because not that much happens before the insomnia kicks in. instead of answering one of these questions i'm going to just transcribe an already-filled in section 'cause my answer in 1989 is better than any answer I could have now. I guess I was 8. spelling and grammar is truthful to the original.

i think most of what people have to say when they are kids is boring and the same, but i think this might actually be funny (?)
If I ever have a son or daughter I will always: Hug and kiss them, take well care of them, like, pretend they were part of me.

And I will never: Spank, Shove food down their throt, hurt them for fun, kill them, give them drugs, teach them bad ways, shove a cigar or cigarette in their mouth, Treat them like trash, hate them, Let them do something dangerous, not get them any presents, ignore them, eat them, give them posin, make them do something that they don't consider fun, make them do some dangerous stunt, let them take drugs and not let them dy their hair green, purple, orange etc.
Also there's a part that asks what do you do to "let off steam" and in addition to screaming, singing, jumping, dancing and running, I wrote in "talk to my stuffed animals."

two nights ago there was a fire
mostly i was proud of myself for correctly identifying the smell
before reaching the scene.
i'd gone out to get food, i forgot to get food and instead just stood in front of china place
and looked at the fire
then went home & ordered food from china place for delivery.

the problem with writing down every thought that comes into my head is that most of my thoughts aren't interesting

i would like to trade brains with an iguana and then with my future children, that way i can change my mind about what i want to do with them
also i didn't like the zoo for the same reason
i thought it smelled weird

i have completely neglected email after email
i owe like 100 emails to people
probably i have lost readers and everyone thinks i'm a jerk

I think from now on this blog is going to be just for weirdos
and when i want to be normal or "good" or "appealing to readers"
i will write on new autostraddle which is this online magazine/blog thing i am going to start and it will start on sunday at a different url and i
don't know what url stands for
underwear revolts lusciously
up rocket launch!
so that is why i have been so busy and
i haven't written a blog post.
sooner this will work better for everyone
like a relationship that gets fixed

my hair looks like andy warhol
no andy warhol looks like my hair

if it was legal to deal drugs i think i might like to be a drug dealer
it would be nice to always arrive with something people want
or edible arrangements

i am running out of people to talk about that won't read this
it used to just be haviland that i couldn't talk about
now it's everyone

i was lying, i've tried to watch 30 rock before
i just never got into it
i'm sorry

yesterday i started reading you are a little bit happier than i am
by tao lin who will read this because he googles himself
and then i'll feel weird and tell myself it's okay 'cause he's a little bit weirder than i am
and he's Famous
anyhow i really liked it and finished it today and now am going to start&finish another one of his books
he mailed it to me you should buy one and read it for fun
if you've read his books you probably can tell that i just read his book
i'll talk about this in my next "stuff i've been reading" which i almost am done writing

those are all the thoughts i just had
i'm sorry it's not a real blog post
the reason for that is that those are the thoughts i just had
if you just started reading this blog last week you might wonder what the fuck is going on
and when i'm gonna talk about underwear and the Breakfast Club again

i think a lot of writers write because they want to talk to people just like everyone wants to talk to people
but they don't really know how.

i like reading things on the internet to exercise my brain, i'm gonna do that now and tell you what i like
some things that would be fun for you to auto-read too
- i think my own font would be embarassing but i want to see it and be embarassed
- i can't fucking believe i live in a world that thinks titles like this are acceptable
- artists are losing jobs fastly and furiously more than anyone else, obvs
- david foster wallace: wiggle room (fiction). i just remembered how we weren't really talking this one time and then you texted me to say david foster wallace killed himself and i felt really sad and i was in cvs which made me even sadder.
- in new york magazine sam anderson writes about the "mini-biography" of david foster wallace published in the new yorker
- the next few links have to be more optimistic than those ones but you should really read those ones too okay
- i can't believe i just noticed this but susie bright was on pot psychology !
- and rachel maddow is on the view! i didn't know she was 5'11, that's taller than me.
- haviland's gonna do a concert in l.a go watch her sing songs!
- the recession is AWESOME !
- the secret lives of new yorkers !
- i like this mcfaul studio design blog !

how are you? everything good? what did you have for breakfast? was it good? i had a hot pocket and a nespresso.

23 comments:

Al said...

Looking thru things that I wrote when I was younger never works out for me. All I do is cringe.

The Secret Lives of New Yorkers article was really interesting. It made me think of how you'll see someone driving and wonder where they're going and who they are. Wait, you don't do that? Oh....nevermind...

I loved the McSweeney's Recession is Awesome. That had me cracking up. I've been meaning to pick up Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists but I can never remember to get it when I'm at the store.

LittleTink said...

HI ZOMG SECOND!!!!!!!!! FURST IS THE WORST SECOND IS THE BESTZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111WOOOOOOOOO

hi i wish i could live with you riese but really with natalie because she iz extra ordinary almost like the x files but critterier but unforch i livez in a land far far away where the moon cries for cheese but anyway i like you but i did not read this post but i had to say that. p.s. i like tina fey too. I WANT TO GO TO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

burningsteady said...

In the wise words of Jim Gaffigan: "I can have a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead by dinner."

I'm eternally grateful that next week is spring break. And that the sun was out yesterday.

Bonus: this whole charade known as the last season of the L Word is almost over.

Haviland Stillwell said...

Riesling, I always read your blog! Diligently! Variety, Hollywood Reporter, The (LA and NY) Times and Autowin! And not even in that order! ;)

Also, I LOVE that you still talk to your stuffed animals. We never really change, do we?

Vikki said...

You could write a mommy blog with that diary entry. I strive to avoid all that with my kids...especially the posin. That shit kills. Well, drugs too.

I'm good and I had some sort of weird vegan breakfast cookie for breakfast with coffee.

saint modesto said...

"i think a lot of writers write because they want to talk to people just like everyone wants to talk to people
but they don't really know how."

truth.

I really like this post. Sometimes I like when you post stuff like this more than when you post your regular stuff.

Rachel said...

I am going to eat pie for breakfast. And I think you would be wonderful in a rocketshow.

Battlestar Luna said...

The acronym "URL" stands for Uniform Resource Locator

Jezzica said...

I had EnviroKids Gluten-Free Kinkajou cereal, and ridged potato chips, and orange juice, and will soon be drinking some Ghiradelli coffee !! Thanks for asking!! I'm jealous of your Nespresso.

And I love the equal weight the child's mind gives to "spank them" and "kill them / eat them" and "let them dy their hair." You should post excerpts from your novels.

Brynne said...

Breakfast? Who gets up in time for that?

carlytron said...

I have wanted a font of my own handwriting for years. thank you for that link.

Elizabeth said...

Did you know they are making a Ramona Quimby movie? I'm not sure how I feel about that. Except Bridget Moynahan and John Corbett play the parents and Ginnifer Goodwin plays Aunt Bea, so at least it will be pretty to look at. I loved the Canadian Ramona tv series with Sarah Polley. Did anyone else watch that?

I haven't eaten breakfast yet. I will probably have something healthy shortly because I have to go do a 4+ mile training walk.

I'm sure that a big part of why I started to write came from being a shy and quiet child. I was too afraid to talk to people, so I wrote my feelings and ideas in stories and poems. I still do that now, except I compose conversations in my head that I know I'll never share.

Elizabeth said...

Also, I might use that font generator for one of my graphic design projects. My boring, long winded, spaz of an instructor will hate it, so it will be awesome :D

Anonymous said...

Hi Riese. Great stuff. Thanks.

riese said...

Al: I always think i was so much smarter then when i was a kid.
i think now that i've been a new yorker with secret lives in different capacities at many points i look at people and can think oh they are living a secret life moreso than before

LittleTink: ZOMG HIIIII! It's been so long and I've missed you terribly. natalie is very critterish and I am sorry that you live where the moon cries for cheese bc here the moon never cries for cheese because we always have lots of cheese!!!!!!!!! tink i think you have had some drink but that is ok bc life is fun/hard

burningsteady ooo i have never had a hot pocket for lunch so i am curious w/r/t what ive been missing. next week is spring break? i should go to cabo

haviland: yes thats what i meant whoops i meant that u used to be my only reader, which is true u were once my only reader.
no-one ever changes, only circumstance. love you! for example i bet i know what u had for breakfast.

vikki: zomg i should start a mommy blog i had lots of good ideas i think esp. about not shoving things down your child's throat u know?

saint modesto: i am glad that u like it when i post this stuff instead of regular stuff bc there is gonna be a lot more of this stuff than regular stuff for a while methinks

Rachel: thank you for supporting me for my rocketshow i hope ur pie is good

battlestar luna: your name is cooler than mine

jezzica: your cereal is cooler than mine. i am mostly glad that at such a young age i was already against killing my children i feel that is a good start for parenting

brynne: brynne it is the most important meal of the day you should make a hot pocket it's very quick to do or have a snack bar or kinkajou

carlytron: you're welcome i hope you start writing emails in your font so they will be just as confusing to read as your handwriting which doesn't fit with your personality and is therefore intriuguing to me

Elizabeth: NO I DID NOT KNOW THAT. John Corbett is PERFECT!!! for that part.

i was not just a fan of the original, i was obsessed and i read the making of the ramona show book every night before bed and everyone told me i looked like ramona/sarah polley and i wanted to be her and crack an egg on my head, sometimes people still do tell me i look like her.
u should defo have a banana or something before u go out there on the run.
i have conversations with stuffed animals i'll never share.

Anonymous: hi anonymous. thanks!

autumn m said...

You know what makes me happy..... The fact that you are totally against eating your children. Like that should be the foundation of parenting. I’m so glad you learned that at such a young age. My question is....did something tragic happen to you that made you think that people eat their kids?? Did that happen often in your neighborhood?

Also for breakfast, ok not really breakfast, but almost, i had granola cereal with raisins and almonds. With skim milk…. Of course.

Bridget said...

dude i just moved and found all my old journals/diary's as well -- it is like the greatest thing ever!!!

love that you have them too! and love vintage Riese posts!

the more things change, the more things stay the same...

Mercury said...

I didn't have breakfast, i woke up at 9 and I had somewhere to be at 9 and it was 20 minutes away on a good day but this morning it was not a good day because all this snow, so much snow, had fallen and filled the roads and they hadn't been plowed yet but there were tire tracks and ruts and slick rails of ice and so everyone on the highway was driving five to ten miles below the speed limit when usually they drive five to ten or twenty over it and I had to keep changing lanes to get around them but the snow was deepest between the lanes and I kept thinking I'd lose control of the car partly because I had to keep skipping back the song to play what I was listening to over and over, and I ended up being over half an hour late, and I was sleep deprived so being there at all was a bit of a waste of time, because I almost killed us in the helicopter, but when I got back into town and picked up Melissa who was also having a shitty day, we got Subway, and it was delicious.

Vashti said...

I don't know why I'm just now commenting but hey-o! Here I am!

Um. I'd just like to point out that I was born in 1989. Meep.

Also, thanks for the link to the yourfonts. Now I can type the way I write! All caps chicken scratch.

I'm alright. Everything is good despite being sick. I don't really eat breakfast. Plus, I woke up at 11:30 ish? Maybe noon? I don't know. I mean, I had some granola but I'm not really hungry. I ate a lot last night before I went to bed.

in kc said...

It will start Sunday, as in tomorrow? hmmmm.....

Abby said...

I liked Wiggle Room, a lot, gracias. CVS makes me sad too, but I think that's because I was the cause of them having to dismantle their photo machine.
"and he's Famous."
It's funny how things can be so different just by capitalizing them.

lezbestrong2gether said...

I think I like rite aid better than cvs. I had an onion bagel and orange juice for breakfast (is that a good combo? it works for me). rachel maddow was awesome on the view even if i only saw it bc they wrote about it on ae.

stuffqueerpeopleneedtoknow said...

Uh, The Craft? Priceless.

I added you to my blogroll at http://stuffqueerpeopleneedtoknow.wordpress.com/