Tuesday, October 21, 2008

8 Against 8: Reason Number #8 -- Bettina Getting Married

Firstly -- blogrolling is apparently down right now. I know I'm behind on updating my blogroll, but my hands are tied 'til they get their shit together. In related news, I'm barely keeping my own shit together. Luckily "frazzled" is one of my most charming personality traits, just imagine me as a haplessly endearing girl in a rom-com sporting perfect hair and a cute skirt and with bunch of papers falling out of my arms. Also imagine Tinkerbell with me, playing in the sandbox. That part's just for fun, I like to spice up the imagination sometimes.

Wouldn't it be funny if everyone came to this blog today looking for profound words against Proposition 8 and instead found me live-blogging the lyrics to "American Pie" (with typos) or waxing nostalgic about when Natalie and I lived together in college and were forced to attend "house meetings" with our eight Kappa Kappa Gammite roomates, during which we'd moan, make faces at each other, shove chipatis down our gullets and consistently vote "I don't give a shit" rather than "yay" or "nay" on all raised "household issues"? I'd live-blog "American Pie" just to be annoying, but I'd wax about Natalie & Riese's Collegiate Experience as a segue into the topic of: WE JUST SIGNED A LEASE!!! I know, right? What kind of landlord would give us a lease for a three bedroom apartment? Well, Natalie is very charming.

Now we need:
-A subletter who can pay $1,000 month for a gigantic room in Morningside Heights.
-A giant truck
-2-3 giant burly people with a truck
-a bed for the room we're gonna sublet
-Natalie has some crazy ideas about houseplants.

Anyway back to THE CAUSE. 8 Against 8! Firstly -- please please please send me your photos for the 8 Against 8 cyberquilt. If you do, you'll be entered in a drawing to win fun prizes like The L Word Season Five DVD and an Auto-Insomnia 'Zine, plus you'll be part of a really cool art project that will last for eternity and maybe get us onto a big website to drive visibility. Donate to 8 Against 8.

But, wait – there’s more! We don’t want to focus on just us! Queers in other states are fighting for their rights too – Arizona is fighting Prop 102 – and they need your help. Florida has to contend with fighting off Amendment 2. They need our help too!

(L to R, row-by-row:
a;ex vega, carly, rachel,
natalie, haviland, riese,
vashti, stef, tinkerbell,
marlene , suzanna, eric
krista, rebecca, autumn,
laura, ms. jackson, jack,
renee, milly & georgia of lesbilicious uk, gemma)
Reason #8: Because Angelica would make a really cute flower girl

Don't Bette and Tina deserve the same farewell party that all golden couples receive in the finale episode of popular hour-long drama television serieses (what is the plural for "series"? "Seri"? "Meese"?): A WEDDING?

I mean a real wedding. This might not be popular to say but look, it's not just a word. Have you ever been to a commitment ceremony? Watching Pedro get married on The Real World dosen't count.

Commitment ceremonies are beautiful. There are, for example, flowers. Everyone dresses up and heaps praise -- maybe even sometimes too much -- on top of topics like the loveliness of the brides/grooms & the chldren, of the house and the lawn and the sky's implicit endorsement of this special union and the whole wide world and the burning bruised apple of love as it exists, ripe and occasionally rotten enough to make the ripeness sweeter, between two people who love each other no matter what the conservative right wing has to say about it.

But yeah ... it's just not like the real thing. I've been to two -- my Moms' and a server friend from the Mac Grill. They were both quite lovely, the second one involved more alcohol, which was awesome, but I got blisters and then later we all got supertrashed at the Holiday Inn, which is everything a Jackson, Michigan wedding was ever meant to be.

I mean -- granted, if this passes, and we're back to where we started from in California, then I'll go along with what we must do which will be to pretend that civil unions (or just symbolic commitment ceremonies) are just as good. Marriage is just word, but it's the word that births men and wives and ex-wifes and stepsons and all kinds of positions we play and that are interchangeable, mostly, with gender. If it's not for the country to decide, then we shouldn't be deciding it for straights either (but that's another story). If we go back to where we were, I'll say it doesn't matter. I'll say it's just a word.

But I will know that to claim language precludes definition is problematic. We say -- "just a word," "it's only words," etc. "Just my word." But words aren't just words, words really matter, words are not just words for specific things but words for all the other words that need that thing, that coexist with or for it. Because how can we expect our families, loved ones and co-workers to take us seriously before the law does? They can still choose to disapprove, but it's not as easy to convince your homophobic sister to come to a commitment ceremony that is simply that -- a ceremony -- than it would be to convince her to come to your real legitimate wedding, you know -- the kind that matter like Donna & David's and Luke & Laura's and your sister & her punk-ass husband.

There is the risk that it might seem a little silly to those who already find homosexuality sick or less significant. There is the fact that running away at the altar lacks gravity when it's just symbolism you're dashing from, not reality.

I don't, of course, mean disrespect to anyone who chooses this route -- straight or gay. But personally, I'd like to have the same choice everyone else does. I don't just want the symbolism. I want the paper, and the rights, and all that. I want it to be just as "real" in every way as it would be to marry a man.

Which brings me back to my point (per ush, the intro is taking longer than the point): like Seth and Summer, David and Donna, etc, The L Word should end with a Bettina wedding! A REAL ONE!

Then Henry can come and pound on the window and be like "TINAAA!" and Papi and her girls can go kick his backne-d ass, and Shane can almost cry and Alice can be like "Is that a tear?" and Shane can be like, "No," all self-conscious, but that's 'cause she's thinking about her new girlfriend Jenny and/or her lost love, Carmen De La Pica Morales, who she left at the altar. After the Bettina wedding, Shane will do a lot of coke and have hot sex with Cherie Jaffee in the backseat of her Jeep and then they'll drive off into the sunset while Bette gives Tina a triple orgasm following about two seconds of penetration [and I hope also] external stimulation.

Also, would Shane have had the cojones to leave Carmen at the altar if there'd been something legal-in-America at stake -- would she have been so quick to agree in the first place or to disappear? If your Mom already thinks your relationship with your girlfriend is just like playing house, than good luck getting her to listen to you cry about being left at a symbolic altar rather than an actual one.

I mean basically what I'm saying is that California martial law made it possible for Ilene to whip out such a terrible sad plot device.

Commitment ceremonies are earnest and lovely things, but you must rally vast quantities of hope and belief to participate. It sometimes feels like we've all agreed to play a part in an all-day role-playing festival. And all the cakes and the hired help can't shake the feeling that there's something implicitly second-rate about not having the underlying formality that straights accept as their goddess-given right.

Also, as I would like for my own wedding one day, it would be ideal if the Bettina wedding could be like Miss Piggy and Kermit's wedding, with the same song. Also, I would prefer if Proposition 8 included a clause prohibiting Betty from playing at the wedding. I'm sure Kit Porter can get a witness. OMG, how hot would it be if Snoop Dog played the wedding? I should be a fake wedding planner. I'll make a graphic later probs, but I gots to get back to work y'all.

Oh but one more thing!

If you know me, you know that I've made every attempt possible to get AfterEllen to link to me, finally determining that even if I'd sculpted a life-size replica of Sarah Warn out of butter and/or ice, or made a vlog about Jodie Foster and Buffy the Vampire Slayer's secret love affair, there's really no possibly way they would ever, ever, ever link to me. If I'd married Ellen DeGeneres they would've had to claim full story rights had gone to The L World Online. It's like an Oprah-Dave thing. One day Sarah Warn will call me in to interview me on all my topics of expertise, e.g., my own navel, string cheese.

But finally! Yes! My moment in the sun has come! See guys, amazing things happen every day, and defeating Proposition 8 will be one of those things. So donate, please, and send me your photo. ALL OF YOU!


nicoleantoinette said...

I like to think that my being super liberal means I'm also tolerant of people's right to disagree with me. But Prop 8? I can't drive behind the people with "Yes on Prop 8!" signs in their windows without getting outraged and wanting to hit them.

cookies said...

Yay! You got a link on After Ellen..

Seri sounds good.
No I have never been to a commitment ceremony.

Why do you need a truck? I don't get it...

If Angie is the flower girl, she can bring Jamie from OTH as her date.

Anonymous said...

when i read this post all i could think about was this:


riese said...

nicoleantionette: Yeah, totally. Every time I see one of those signs I'm like, "back off!" 'Cause it just has nothing to do with them, why do they waste time and trees on caring?

cookies: I know!!! I need a truck 'cause I have a bunch of stuff in storage and I need to move it from storage to the apartment. Like a bed and shelves and stuff. I need a big butch like Max.

anon: Oh totally, I was thinking a whole lot about when she sang that on the cruise and I was like, this song is awesome, the part where she was like "it's just a word! it's just a word!"

autumn m said...

you know, i never thought about the subject all that much. when you think about it, people only say its a word cause its more than that and if they admit that it means more, it means something they cant have. so they act like they dont care. you know, i am really glad that i have at least one gay friend. cause if i didnt, this post would be just a cluster of words to me. my friend forced me to watch the L Word. what a freakin trip. i like it, but im only in the middle of the second season. so i'm still behind. and why is it every lesbian i know is obsessed with shane?? someone wanna fill me in on that? i have a theory about it, but i dont wanna share, cause i might look dumb. congrats on your link to a website that i have never looked at before!!!

autumn m said...

ps. if i lived there, i would totally help you move. would you like a house warming plant?? i have this thing about getting plants for people who move into new houses.

Liz said...

wow, so the total lack of free time in my life has prevented me from the delightfulness of reading your prime time blog. But now free time has finally caught up with me after i ran away from it.

To prove my recent newfound commitment to blog reading and just cos it's a case worth fighting for, I did send you an awesome picture for your cyberquilt.

and now i am apparently attempting to write a novel on your comment page. I will stop now.

ps. If you haven't seen this, take a look: http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/couric-palin-open/704042/

vote palin for vp everyone!

jack said...

congrats on the apartment!

also, i love how all of my photobooth self portraits make me look like a cyclops. it's like i don't want to photographically admit that i have two eyes, because then i'd have to see more than i'm willing to. horrible vision, cyclops or not, is my crutch.

AK said...

My GF nearly duked a man holding a Yes on 8 sign last Saturday. She settled for just yelling at him. "This is a civil rights issue and you know it. You are a bigot". He tried to deny it saying he just didn't want his 5 yr old to be taught about gay marriage in school (as if he's not going to find out about it ever).

I have really tried not to care about this issue which is a prime example of divisive distractions in a world of boutique identity politics when the planet is going to hell in a handbasket, but you do make some very fine and insightful points about being taken seriously in a het world. And that is so true about commitment ceremonies requiring such a leap of faith.

A Bette and Tina wedding now that I have to wrap my mind around. Why would I want that? None of my favorite seriie end in marriage. It's the same as ending in death only happier.

zpik said...

HI! I am from argentina and support their cause, I am totally against the proposition.
Marriage should not only be heterosexual, the world should be less discrimatorio and power (twenty-first century! OMG!!) should not be in the hands of the religion.


we join in Argentina to : NO ON 8!

can I send photos to poster?

I don't care if you don't send me the dvd, I know it's complicated



mi ingles es horrible!
hablo espaƱol

Vashti said...

I totally saw your link on AE! Very cool. Congrats on that and the apartment. =]

I don't know what else to say in this comment other than I liked the post per ush. It made me all nostalgic for The L Word. I'm gonna have to resort to watching it online by myself in the middle of the night when my roommate is asleep out here. OH WELL. That's basically what I did back home anyway... [except I was able to get high quality downloads and watch it whenevs in the privacy of my own room. Minor details.]

riese said...

autumn m: I'm glad you have one lesbian friend too. Personally I am obsessed with Shane because she is smokin' hot and I like the way she leans. I don't know if I can write less than 600 words about Shane so I'll stop there. She's also kinda androgynous, which I like. Girls who look like boys, I like that. Natalie brought a plant to her friend's dinner last night, I always let plants die, maybe someone will get us a lemon tree, I hope so.

liz: total lack of free time in my life has presented me from the delightfulness of writing my blog, now I just say nonsense words. Thank you for your awesome photo and it will go up shortly. I've totally seen that video probs 4-6 times, it makes me happy thinking how dumb palin is and hoping we will win.

jack:thanks! I don't like to put my whole head in photobooth pictures either, 'cause then I have to admit that I'm more than just a pretty ear. You know? It's my crutch.

ak: The thing about being tought it in school is especially mind-boggling to me 'cause like, since when have kids automatically liked what they are taught about in school? Has it ever worked with algebra or spelling tests? I don't think so.

I guess it is all the crappy shows I like that end in marriage. Seriie. I like Six Feet Under, everyone got married and everyone died.

zpik: Hola! I love cute comments from people who don't speak english, it was fabulous like the fabulous dance moves you appear to be sporting in your icon. I agree with everything you said, times 100.
Send photos to me, marielyn176@gmail.com.

vashti; You could really resort if you wanted to by watching sharmen music videos, sometimes I get trapped in that vortex and never come out. I haven't done that in a while. Now I just like to watch Rachel Maddow. I feel like if I watched a Shane clip right now i might miss TLW for half a second. Then I'd remember recapping and my head would hurt. Sigh.

Vashti said...

*watching season 6 that is.. I don't really rewatch episodes. Once is enough for me.

Nanc said...

Congrats on your new place

Now we need:
-A subletter
-burly people w/truck
-a bed

Remember to try:
MSHeights net
Craigslist nyc

Good Luck!