Thursday, July 26, 2007

People Made of Paper: What I Learned From The TV #2

i. Auto-Straddle South of Nowhere Recaps:
Why have 10,000 things to do when you can have 10,001 things to do? Beginning August 10th, I'll be recapping The N's South of Nowhere with Carlytron on Auto-Straddle. ["Chase," your attendance is expected. All other NYC-area quasi-lesbian-television-watchers, your attendance is appreciated.] Go to Auto-Straddle for more info on this project, which ideally will take 85% less time than The L Word recaps, otherwise I'll be spending massive amounts of time indoors during my favorite season, autumn, which is significantly more depressing than being trapped by "Papi's Rules of Poker" while winter and its associated discontents rage outside my dark, dark window. Cause I can't be like "Well, who wants to be out there in the blizzard anyhow?" I'll just be like "Lets go play in the leaves and pick pumpkins! I mean, make screencaps!"

ia. Unrelated.
I miss Michigan in the fall. There were always nice leaves and apples, pumpkins, etc. Also, back then, I looked forward to my birthday as each passing year brought me one step closer to additional life privileges. Now I'm like: "Ew. Gross." Or, rather, "What if, for my 25th birthday, I went to Nation and kissed 25 girls ?!" [Haviland's idea, obvs. Holla!] I was clearly really excited about being allowed to rent cars. Also, sidenote: I've matured so much since then. For example, the idea of kissing 26 girls on my 26th birthday is totally unappealing. And, because Nation is Nation, it'd be the same girls, probs. I just want to put this out there: I would like to go to Chuckie Cheese's this year and kiss 25 Skee-Balls. Okay. Feel free to coordinate a planning committee to deliver on this deliverable ASAP [It is a constant struggle to not constantly bust out in HR-speak right now, as I've been doing a lot of HR copywriting over the past week. And should be doing more. Right now.]

ii. The Reading at the KGB Bar.
So, Tuesday night, I did this reading for this book I'm in called "The Bigger, The Better, The Tighter the Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image, and Other Hazards of Being Female." I sat in the back with Cameron and Krista & Pete, and couldn't see anyone, which's funny, because it's an anthology about beauty and body image and I was really honestly curious to match physical selves to writings-about-physical-selves but could not, for the life of me, see through the masses to the readers at the podium.

Howevs, the essays were even funnier out loud, even if coming from ghost voices, and afterwards, a lot of people said nice things to me, and I signed some books [SURREAL!], and verified my social-interaction disability by being like "I thought you were gonna read!" to the editor of the anthology, who actually DID read, and I remember LOLing, but I didn't know it was her, because I couldn't see. I honestly was paying attention, laughing out loud, enjoying all the works. Also I honestly loved her essay in the book, which I actually read. [seriously.]

iii. Another Reading.
If you missed it, here's a surprising chance to redeem yourself: I'm going to be reading something [seriously, I have no idea what and probably won't until approx. an hour beforehand, drunk, and late] at the Young Artists' Lounge at 365 Days/365 Plays, which I was invited to do by the lovely Jaime/Surplus. Once, there was this GLBT blogger gathering Curly McDimple put together, and when Curly asked if I knew any other queer bloggers to invite, I suggested Jaime even though she's not a lesbian. That was one of the highlights of my career/bad habit in bloggetry.

iv. Chronologically, we are now returning to Tuesday night, the night of The Reading at the KGB Bar.
Afterwards: Carlytron missed the next train to Jersey, Borders was closed, and thus, we settled to do a few laps around the squares loosely defined as Manhattan's Inferno (Penn Station and it's environs). It was, actually, a perfectly temperate night, though the streets were cluttered with kids heading back to various pockets of Jersey to upload their new city-outing SUMMER BREAK '07 photos to facebook ...

Carly: "I love television, and I'm not ashamed to admit it."
Me [genuine]: "I admire that."

And then I thought about writing this segment, and how it is, indeed, frowned/scowled upon to say: "I learned stuff from the TV!" because on so many levels, especially for children, it's a damaging, world-destroying medium. But it's not, often, the shows themselves that are inherently damaging as it is the way in which they're presented and scheduled and often surrounded by/infused with advertising, bizarre promos, randomly inserted news clips, etc. [I've already talked about this like, 100 times, don't worry, I'm stopping. No rants against the miserable state of the universe today. Happiness! Light!]

I thought, maybe I should do "What I Learned From Books," just to be sure I'm still smart. Then I was like, oh, BFD, um, I learned EVERYTHING from books. That's like writing "What Nutrients I've Consumed From Food!" Then I felt better about myself because I put everything into perspective. But also: I realized I am not smart.

Like this is where I learned things:

50%=Actual Life
35%=Books
10%=Internet
5%=Everything Else

v. What I Learned From the TV, Part Two



*
The Real World:


On The Real World I learned that pretty girls get their hearts broken, too. I was plagued with fairly severe Insecurity as a pre-teen, and remained convinced well into my teens that all circumstances surrounding my "love life" (my term, then), popularity, ability to make friends and overall success in Middle School were directly correlated to my [real or imagined] decline in physical attractiveness. Somehow, seeing the pretty girls on that show get rejected or be subject to adversity, I was like, Oh, pretty girls have bad things happen, too. Pretty girls are not happy, either.

It was validation, in a way, our first example of how "real" people "lived" in a visual sense. We've always been able to read about the lives of others, but those are controlled narratives--controlled, generally, by the writer themselves. [Like this! Holla!] But this show was different ... it was all the worst bits of us clashed against other bad bits of other sorta-good people and then sliced together like intersecting razorblades, an ingenious social experiment. I mean, seriously, you pick seven strangers to live in a house together: the naive Midwesterner, the tattooed rebel, the Angry Black Man, the moody spoiled musician, the beautiful ambitionless blondes ... this was before the Internet, even, before it was easy enough for a gay man in Idaho to discover there were other gay men in the world just by turning on his PC.

It was before ignorance became criminal rather than circumstantial.

Now we're over it; practiced, complacent, numb. But once upon a time, it felt like people were getting real: like a sophisticated voyeurism, one which transcended the narrative determined by the specified scope of a documentary film or TV program, because it had no purpose besides the immediate validity of everyday life. Now it's The Real World: Gammorha. It's like they just pick people who're likely to get drunk and make out in a hot tub. Is that actually interesting? I can't sit through it. The people get less and less interesting, more clear-skinned, hornier, drunker, less "real." [If they are real, that sucks, I quit.]

Of course, I woulda loved to see what it's like to have a conversation with a stranger surrounding by television cameras and a boom -- I think it's the people around them who actually prevented "reality." The person being followed by the camera, unable to acknowledge it's existence, incorporates it into reality eventually. But to those who are not around it and suddenly become so, their actions are, if anything, the opposite of real.

Also that parody they did of it on Dave Chapelle was like, one of the top 10 comedy sketches ever.

Also, I loved Jacinda. She was like fluffy candy packed together in the shape of a pretty girl in a shimmery scarf. I also loved Dan in Miami and Norm from New York. Elka was beautiful and I cried my eyes out when she went to visit her mother's grave. When Tami got an abortion in LA, I was like, note to self: do not get preggers.

We got addicted to London and wanted to be on it, wanted to live in London with an edgy boyfriend like Neil. Wanted to be Jacinda, god, wanted to be Jacinda, wanted to sleep with Jacinda, wake up with Jacinda and her cute accent. Would've given anything. I thought about London all the time, when I wasn't thinking about New York, or what'd it be like to die. I liked that it was rainy all the time, even. I plotted my escape constantly.

Boston was my favorite season. I think Genesis was the first femme lesbian I ever knew of, really. Remember how that guy's girlfriend's name was TIMBER? I'm gonna name my first daughter TIMBER and then have another kid and name it PAUL BUNYAN.


Tangent:

Reality TV was like what we had before the Internet to see what it was like to be someone else when not reading a script, and a way to see it immediately, beamed into your space, in a way books can't be because you have to go out of your space to retrieve it, and then select it. The TV comes to you when you want it, and I feel often that's more of an effect on it's appeal than anything about visuals. Because clearly people can and do read, we read voraciously online. We read online because we're used to television: to getting the exact content we want without getting off our lazy butts. Actually my butt is not lazy, so really I'm talking about most people, not special people like me.


My So-Called Life:

They did the literary name drop all the time; Shakespeare's Sonnet CXIII was the most memorable. This's the first time Jordan Catalano ever participates in class, because he totes knows why Shakespeare's mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun. Actually, Brian knows ["She's not just a fantasy. She's got flaws. She's real."] but Jordan takes a break from his illiteracy when the teacher inquires: "So, Shakespeare's not in love with her?" Jordan's like: "Yeah. He is." There's some grammatical subject-agreement issues with Jordan's response, regardless of meaning, but still, it's like, really romantic, like when someone looks into your eyes and sees straight into your soul. I re-created this scene in every screenplay/teleplay I wrote as an adolescent, using other works of literature in class discussion to bash my audience over the head with my point and sound smart, like I read books.

Here's an example from my screenplay, "High on Life," a thinly veiled dramatization of the actual relationship between a boy I had a crush on and a girl I had a crush on. He was "troubled": did drugs, skipped class, etc. His girlfriend didn't know how to help him. Life is rough for upper middle class white kids in cushy liberal Midwestern college towns, you know?

EXCERPT FROM 'HIGH ON LIFE,' MOST EXCELLENT SCREENPLAY AND BY THAT I MEAN MOST TERRIBLE, COPYRIGHT REE-REE 1996

MRS. MEIR: How do you think Ismene feels? Heather?

HEATHER: I don't know. Scared?

MRS. MIER: Sort of ... Anna?

ANNA: She kind of feels like, helpless. She knows what's gonna happen to Antigone--but it's like, she can't do anything, or talk to anyone about it, 'cause no one can find out about it.

Even Kyle is quiet now. Everyone is listening. Her friends understand what she's really talking about.

ANNA: Because if someone found out, she knows that'd be like a death sentence for her sister, and she loves her sister a lot and doesn't want her to get into trouble. But her sister is just being so--stupid! She doesn't understand the consequences--well, she knows them, she just doesn't think they like, apply to her. She thinks that it'll be okay, that it's worth it. And Ismene just has to stand by ... and watch her sister go down.

MRS. MEIR: Excellent Anna, excellent.

There is silence in the classroom.

Deep, huh?

My So-Called Life also used Our Town beautifully; it still makes me cry sort of. And it was when my BFF and I were on the outs, and we'd been in Our Town together, I was the stage manager and she was Mrs. Soames.



Queer as Folk:

I used to wish I was a gay man. I don't know why, really. I think I just liked their style. I'd get jealous if I watched movies or TV shows about gay guys because it'd just make me wish I was one, and I couldn't be, which's totes annoying.

I know I'd find Brian Kinney less hot if he was straight, I'd find that dance scene ending Season One less romantic, less Top-Ten-Best-Scenes-Ever-Worthy. In fact, I'd probs find him chauvinistic and unkind, but it's so much different without the inherent power dynamics of heterosexual relationships, the centuries of unkindness between the sexes that erupt under the lights of a relationship, no matter how brief. [Disclaimer: I don't think I'm right or anyone else should think this. It's just how I feel about it. Today.]

Queer sex is hot. Maybe it's 'cause we're bombarded with so much explicit heterosexual imagery that I've become numb and bored of it, maybe it's that I've just come to find the process of creating sexual energy without the inherent biological puzzle-pieces offered by man/woman much more compelling, but given the choice, I'd hands down totes prefer to watch a man-on-man sex scene than a woman-on-man sex scene. It's transgression; it's deviation, it's Tina's special secret club and it's back rooms and it's largely unexploited at this point, if you don't seek it out.

Or, even if you do: it's paltry, it's insufficient, it's the tip of ten thousand superior icebergs.

Or else it's just hot, that's all. It's still fun and fresh, which's rare on teevee now.

When I watched QAF I didn't want to date Brian Kinney. I wanted to be a boy and date Brian Kinney. I was about to write: "He'd probably break my heart," but no one ever thinks that'll be them, that guy with the broken heart, right? You're going to change Brian Kinney. You'll be the one to break Jordan Catalano or Shane or Brian Kinney right open; and you can't do that simply by getting them literally naked, because we all know they'll do that for anyone. Maybe that willingness for physical revelation is what makes the illusive, walled-off interior so much more appealing. It's our least logical, most destructive selves that convinces us to pine for hearts like Brian Kinney's: hearts fit for deviant art.

But maybe that should be enough? Just the company, sans expectation.


*
"We are gasping, quiet, in the dark, and then the wash of violet and night tornadoes through my legs and up behind my eyes, plumbs and spirals my spine, and I know if I can keep feeling like this I'll be okay, if I can feel like this I'm not dead, I won't die. Life is sad. Here is someone."
(Lorrie Moore, Anagrams)
*
life is sad. here is someone.
*

But no one ever really changes, not for long, right? You can't change people. But people change me all the time. I think that's because I don't know who I am, or, maybe, because I don't like who I am a lot of the time -- otherwise I'd be more firm, probs, about keeping myself intact. Consequently, I tend to think I can change people, too. Don't we all want to get better? As people? I mean, isn't that the point?

Isn't that why we tell these stories? Because we like character development? We want to see people develop? Evolve? We are static, physically, glued to couches to watch stories which're all, really, transformation stories, and then we're hopeful that one day we, too, will break into blossom, will resolve the disaparity between our faltering egos and our wild, ambitious capes, flapping aimlessly behind us while we fly blindly, straining away? I still believe that--dumbly or because I have to in order to go on--that we can and will change, that we want to get along, that we're not stubborn, judgmental, stagnant, that we want to make each other happy. That we've not become too self-centered as a human species to ever truly create relationships of all kinds with other humans, to be selfless, to believe in the radical idea that someone else might have a better idea, that judgment is tricky business because everything's relative ...

I didn't learn that on teevee. I just made it up.

*

... Once upon a time there lived a girl. She slept in a lovely little cottage made of gingerbread and candy. She was always asleep. One morning she woke up and the candy had mold on it. Her father blew her a kiss and the house fell down. She realized she was lost. She found herself walking down a crowded street, but the people were made of paper, like paper dolls. She blew everyone a kiss goodbye and watched as they blew away ...

22 comments:

Crystal said...

Right now I feel like I have not watched enough TV, I've never seen any of these shows.

Hmm. I might action that item over the weekend, so I can increase my productive input into this interactive, cohesive network. I hear that TV fosters personal growth, also.

On a serious note, I do love character development. I also believe that we can and will change, that we want to get along.

Lozo said...

The Real World taught me that one out of every seven people on the planet is gay and it taught me all stereotypes are all true. It taught me crazy women (Beth) can get anything they want and people are weak.

Beth got a guy thrown out of the house of taking a blanket off someone. A fucking BLANKET! Everyone was laughing, having fun, then all of a sudden, crazy Beth pulled the whole, "get the dangerous black guy out of the house" routine after the fact. And it worked!

No one dared fight her! It was insane! "David's dangerous." What?! Everyone went along with it! I think it was the first time I ever yelled at my TV because of something non-sports related.

God I hate Beth.

Lozo said...

BECAUSE of taking a blanket off someone.

stef said...

1) for skee ball in the city i recommend dave & buster's, but it's really for grown-ups. one of my best friends had her 17th birthday at chuck e cheese and they looked at us like we were insane. we tried to go in the plastic ball pit and the mazes and stuff and they were really just not into it.. that said there's really something to be said for large robot animals that play instruments and announce, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY... BOY OR GIRL!"

2) can't go to this reading either; i'll be on a boat full of hippies and hippie bands, wanting to die. ah well.

3) dude i LOVED london. i loved that jacinda was dating that dude chris hardwick from singled out <3 i was also all about HAWAII, which was when they first really started fucking with the 'reality' of the show (actually it was probs seattle but whatever)... when the EVIL GAY GUY justin (who was hot) was messing with the other kids' relationships... it was amazing.

4) remember when we all thought that once we turned 18 we were going to audition for the real world? except i was not an angry black guy or a sheltered southern girl and i didn't have aids. i think i wanted to be like... flora from miami. i don't even know.

5) i don't get people who are uncomfortable watching two boys go at it. really. this segment was really nicely written, esp the part about kinney. i don't want to date or fuck or change brian kinney but i do want him to decorate my apartment.

6) dude, AUSTIN? i'm going for sure.

word veri: xcios. like..luscious but with a kiss. obv.

stef said...

oh and i mean the kinney thing in the least perpetuating-gay-stereotypes way possible. i mean his loft is amazing and mine is terrible and every time i watch that show i glance around my own apartment and think: damn.

lain said...

This is an excellent post/piece. I was so excited when I read the title because there's been something banging around my skull for days since the first (teevee-related) one, only I couldn't put it together right to respond, so I'm all "Oh, sweet! Second chance!"

Only I'm still stuck on the words.

I got this for you: Sometimes I think I am nothing more than a net of sensitivities to other people; no action can truly be attributed to (my own) personal volition. This may be an exaggeration (and I was not a Phil major and refuse to get into the theory), but it is quite true that the line where "other people" leave off and I begin is indistinct at best.

Some of the people in my net of sensitivities are not, strictly speaking, "real" people. They are, as you say, characters from the teevee, or books, or occasionally from legend or my own head. I suspect that large chunks of my sense of humor come from a cartoon cat.

There are several/myriad implications here.

1) "Lain, why do you care if Shane would give you a second glance in that top? She completely DOES NOT EXIST."

Well, because clearly I look hot in this top, right?

2) I suspect that personal volition is overrated. The people I admire most for not bending to another's will are those who stand up for something or someone. That is, Heroes are still acting on a sensitivity to someone outside of themselves: they've just been selective about where their sensitivities lie.

The people who really act from themselves alone, without thought to others, I find almost universally to be assholes.

3) It is such a relief to find other people who have similar nets to mine. Words are great, but they so often fail: knowing that those characters that are a part of my life are also a part of yours helps, even a tiny amount. And that is one of the reasons that I'm a fan of the teevee too.

That said, I haven't seen any of those shows. But I agree: autumn is by far the best of the seasons.

lain said...

ALSO I promise to be more concise from now on. Damn.

riese said...

Crystal:

The successful candidate will develop her skills as a character while maximising output of administrative processes including graffiti removal, diary management and acting as the "go to" person for all creative content. Furthermore, you should have an advanced degree in Tertiary Qualifications and know how to ride a bike and collate. Also, unlike me, you should know how to spell.

What am I talking about? I have no idea anymore.

*

Lozo:

If only one out of seven is gay, at least another one is a bi-curious female. Didn't Tami agree with Beth? I think we shouldn't place all the blame on poor Beth. After all, she's like, the least cute girl ever on The Real World. Then they got the opposite of a blanket-puller, they got the cop, right? Irene the cop? That's funny. That should be everyone's punishment for being alarmist about who's a criminal and who's not: haha, you have to live with a cop now.

*

Stef:

TOTALLY, re: turning 18 to audition for the Real World. I thought I'd be a total shoo-in. Plus the gay Mom thing, who's had a gay Mom? No one. That's who. Then Lindsay on Seattle had to fuck my shit up by having a father who died and being from Michigan. But actually I realised it wasn't about that at all: reality TV is for a very particular kind of person, someone slightly disturbed, to be able to handle that kind of surveillence. I am probs not that kind of person, and they probably would have noticed that.

I went to a Dave & Busters in LA once. I remember I had to call my then-boy-whatever from the bathroom because it was so big we all got lost. There's skee ball at some other bar in NYC too that I went to once. Isn't that a good description?

OMG, I remember loving that Jacinda was dating him at the time, 'cause I thought he was funny, though now I think I'd dislike him.

Re, 5), yay/thanks. And I know what you mean about his loft, it was so big and lovely. When he said he was going to sell it, I was like whaaa? I think about his bed a lot, and how he had it segmented off a little, but also part of the loft.

*

lain:

Wow! I really love what you wrote here. About the net sensitivities thing? I mean, you make total sense to me, like, I get it, I know what you mean, I feel that way too, yeah, yeah! I actually read your comment on my DASH in a taxi cab and was like, wow, this's so right on, I don't really know what to say in response besides "right on." And we actually had a convo re:2 last night, and I could not agree more. I think there's something really important about how we care for others ... and I say this as a person who does not, not not not, like to depend on other people. I have a really tough time trusting anyone to stick around, so I try to give all of myself to them, hoping that they'll see that I mean it, and that it's all I have. That sometimes that's what I have instead of words you know? Also, I'm into NOW. I'm into things that you can see right away, not faraway promises.

I don't mind other people depending on me, which I guess is its own kind of co-dependence, but I don't.

So yeah, word, re, this: The people who really act from themselves alone, without thought to others, I find almost universally to be assholes.

Also, nice top! You look so hot!

buzz staff said...

We love you! We love you!

TBS

Laura said...

Ok. I must be super emotional today, because just the mention of the 'our town' thing literally caused tears to burst from my eyes. I think I might need some sleep and some baked goods. As soon as I think about the Angela chin wobble (ever noticed that?), thats it, I'm crying along with her.

As a teenager I would often find myself making decisions that were completely out of character for me. Especially when based around relationships.
I worked out later that I had been semi-indoctrinated by American teen shows, and lived my relationships as if I was in a tv show. This taught me that appropriating tv storylines for my own life almost never works.

What I have subsequently learned from TV:-

1. It doesn't matter how many corny letters and love songs you write them.

2. Buying their favourite flowers won't make them love you.

3. Deciding that you will tell the person you love that you do infact love them at 1.37pm 'exactly', isn't as romantic as it sounds.

4. Making huge overblown romantic gestures generally go unnoticed.

5. In the event of the Joey/Dawson/Pacey thing, Joey won't choose either of them. She'll choose unseen option number three.

Generally it never works out like it does on TV.

However I occasionally still fall into this trap.
GODAMN the tee-vee.

Razia said...

South Of Nowhere = Lesbian blue balls

I, too, love Brian Kinney. I wanted to BE Brian Kinney but it wasn't just because he oozed sex appeal but the fact that he was so damn successful in his career, now that is hot. Also, love Better Porter mostly bc of the career factor.

Lozo said...

no freaking way! tami was laughing the whole time, then beth and her evil mole got tami thinking it was something worse than it was. beth was on a RR/RW inferno a while back, and she looks like hell. that made me happy.

riese said...

TBS:

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I love you too. Because I love Buzz. I mean, in general. Clearly.

*

laura:

Thank you for liking Our Town, somehow everyone but me always seems to hate it. I remember the really good immitation Rickie and Rayanne did of what angela looks like when she's about to cry. My friends may or may not've done the same thing to me.

I WROTE my first non-fiction personal piece EVER ABOUT LIVING MY RELATIONSHIPS AS IF I WAS IN A TEEVEE SHOW. it was the first time I ever wrote about this topic, and it was my senior year of high school in the "creative non-fiction" class that changed my life ... I had this huge revelation. Anyhow I'll probs post excerpts from it later so I wont' say more, but yeah, totes know what you mean.

That's an Empire Records reference, right? 1:37 PM? I think so, yeah? Which's awesome, because that movie is awesome, and AJ is clearly an inspirational figure to anyone looking to win love via movie magic.

When it does work out like it does on TV, you can say "OMG it's like we're on TV!"

*

razia:

Totally. And moreso than TLW, because since it's on the The N, so you never know that's never gonna happen. And yeah, I wanted to be Brian Kinney too. I loved his confidence and how he sold lame ad campaigns all the time that were just variations on naked men holding products.

*

lozo:

Tami's a grown woman, I think, with her own opinions. Also, I barely even remember that episode. So, um, [am i really saying this?] .. I trust your judgment on the matter.

Laura said...

1.37pm is indeed an empire records reference, 'shock me, shock me, shock me, with your deviant behaviour'.

I'm so glad that other people live their lives like tv shows.

AWESOME.

Mercury said...

I still read, I just dont' think of things to say, because I think I've said "I love this post" so many times that it's become ridiculously redundant. But here's one more.

I love this post. like all posts. you're brilliant, as always.

carlytron said...

I am boycotting making relevant comments in light of you asking me to comment.

Instead: TAG!

riese said...

laura: We actually used that line in our pilot! (shock me shock me shock me...) Then we cut it out because it wasn't really accurate for the character and we thought no one'd get it. But you would've!

*

merc: thank you, as always. I seriously just wrote an emoticon, and then had to delete it, because I felt cheesy all over.

*

carly: I have one word for you: TWATITUDE.

*

carlytron said...

FINE, boycott lifted.

1a. Don't kiss skee balls, please. They are uber dirty.
1b. If you're not going to kiss 26 girls on your 26th then can I? I mean, it's a good idea, someone should carry that on ...
2. You played that "I thought you were going to read?" thing really well, don't worry.
3. Television is really incredible, kids. Really. Don't hate.

stef said...

someone posted before about how something happened and they wanted to text you to tell you about it and then remembered they only knew you on the internet... that completely happened to me tonight... i was on the boat working some terrible hippie concert booze cruise full of bros and frat mattresses when someone brought these girls backstage to drink all our free beer. they were all a little drunk and pointed at one of the girls in their posse and loudly pointed out that she was FAMOUS. my coworker and i kind of cornered her and asked what that was all about..

her: "oh... i was on the real world."
us: "NO WAY! i haven't watched that show in FOREVER! which season?"
her: "umm.. denver. the one that just ended."
us: "OMG."
(girl squirms uncomfortably, obviously REALLY TIRED of telling people about this)
me: "so you're probably really sick of talking about it, huh?"
her: "yeah well.."
me: "SO DO YOU THINK THE SHOW PORTRAYED YOU ACCURATELY?"
(she gave some long-winded response that sounded like a prepared interview answer, then kind of rolled her eyes and started backing away)
me: "SO THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION... which line did you have in the intro?"
her: "um. 'picked to live in a house.'"
us: "THAT'S AWESOME!"
her: "...i'm going back upstairs now."
us: (singing) "TRRUUUUUUE STORYYYYYY!"
<3

riese said...

carlytron:
1. ok
1a. yes
2. Thank you. Your assurance that I handled it well is the only thing stopping me from writing her a possibly crazy-sounding email.
3. WORD

*

steph:

That is awesome and almost made me want to watch Denver for a second just to see that girl. Then I was like, whoah, Denver? I didn't even know they were in Denver. It's really about time they get to Detroit.

AK said...

I'm a member of Tina's special secret club. I suspect there's actually quite a lot of us, but it's not discussed because it doesn't fit anywhere in the PC world of lesbians. When I heard of others who were too, I realized "ah this is a subculture of a subculture". Lesbians didn't turn me on at all until Marina in TLW, but Karina Lombard is straight so she adds something there.

My lover is a member too, which is handy. That way we can watch the same porn. I've thought about this a lot and have determined that it's my claim to bisexuality, but then that's not really true because it's still gay sex after all so maybe it's just another aspect of my gay self.

So this is how I've divided it up. Watching women kiss opens up my heart chakra. There's a youtube montage of Bette kissing everybody she ever kisses that makes me feel like I'm taking amyl nitrate. Watching men on men sex just goes straight to my sex chakra. The two rarely meet onscreen, (but luckily do in life-with women).

I can now work my favorite TLW love scenes into combining both, since the stories have aged enough to drop the emotional stress of the plot. (That's the trouble with women-too much drama.)

You can see there's been no where else to discuss this, so I've laid out all I know on the subject.

Abster said...

I looooooove Mich in the fall. It's totes cheesy but there is nothing better than a chilly afternoon in A2 and putting on a comfy hooded sweatshirt and, yes, going to a football game down the street. I guess you wouldn't actually have to go to the game, but knowing that there is a game going on makes it that much better. By the way I have you to thank for incorporating totes into my vocab.