Sunday, May 07, 2006

Meeting Shane: I Don't Have a Plan. That's the Point.

In twenty-four hours, I am going to see/meet Katherine Moenning A.K.A. SHANE in the flesh. OMG, yeah, I feel about 13. It's like that movie where that Spy Girl was 13 but also 30. I didn't see that movie though, because it looked retarded.

In 1997, Ryan Clayburn told me I'd never get laid unless I discarded my "teeny-bopper" room-decor, e.g., my Jared Leto-Claire Danes themed closet or the CK-One ads/Leonardo DiCaprio collage over my bed. I switched to faux-artsy black-and-white postcards of Certified Hip People like Jack Kerouac and James Dean, and then my room became The Love Shack.

Speaking of The Love Shack, I'm going to meet Kate tomorrow. (We're on nickname basis in my mind). But I keep thinking; despite the mini-orgasm I'll probably experience immediately by same-room-presence--what do I do with this? It's a thrill to meet an actress you worship, but it's a bizarre kind of thrill. Well-known stars have plenty of fans, so meeting you isn't necessarily at all special to them, and in this case (as in most fan-star situations), she is fully aware of the fact that most fans do not actually adore Katie herself (rotating-nickname basis), but rather they love her character Shane on The L Word. Do I tell her I "love her work"? Seriously. Do I? Do I tell her I loved her EVEN during that godawful sequence where the cast was lamely plopped into a forest set resembling the fake foliage from Splash Mountain & clad in stylish hiking gear while Boira played Ranger Rick and everyone kept seeing Dana's ghost in the waterfall?

Then there's this ...

Me: "I don't know if I want to fuck Shane necessarily. I kind of just want to be her. I don't know if we'd be that good together."
Lilly*: "Yeah, you'd totally just both try to top each other."

*changed the name to Lilly because the person who said that is actually named "Katy" and I didn't want to confuse her with my other friend Katy Moenning.

My deep throbbing connection to Shane has been nurtured by many com(pli)ments made to me about how much Shane and I have similar "looks" from time to time (our faces are nothing alike, she's much hotter, has more expensive clothing, more blazers, cuter hair, and she's a lot skinnier than me, but you know what I mean).

I guess I just kinda want to touch her and maybe breathe her air.


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