I know a lot of weirdos.
It was hard to pick just ten. But I had to, and I did, and now I'm left with the remainders bouncing around in my head. As mentioned a few days ago, my head is already at maximum capacity and I must clear it out to make room for the 200 books on my
Amazon Wishlist that I'm sure my Mom'll be getting me for Hannukah. Therefore today I will present you with peoples 20 through 11 on the Top 10 Weirdos List.
Also just speaking of holiday gifts, etc., if you ever wanna know what day it is, you should
get a Hot Blogger Calendar . Honestly, I'm just throwing it out there. If you don't catch it, no whining. Also. No pudding. Speaking of whining, I've been doing just that on the couch for about ten hours due to massive headache, which I suspect was inspired by: a) Riddex, b) a wrath/hex of some sort, c) aforementioned full-capacity headspace, d) the internet, which is changing how our brains and eyes work. Anyhow Natalie rubbed my head and made me dinner, so I'm a happy[er] camper now. Just in time for my 3 AM bed-time!
Weirdos 10 --> 20 ... Top Ten ALMOST Top Ten Weirdos of 2008
20. Tegan & Sara
Sara: The biggest bra just got thrown on stage and you didn't notice!
Tegan: Bras are super expensive! Who threw this? Is this actually one of your bras? You're wearing a bra? You brought this one with you? I love the line of thinking -- I am going to the Tegan & Sara concert and I am going to bring an old bra with me.
Sara: You know there's a recession, right? You might need that. You might need to turn that bra into a bed.
That's the only house you'll have, you'll have 2 sticks and bra and you'll be fastening that shit together to make a house.
(video)
Most musicians express some kind of weirdo-ness in their music, but Tegan & Sara are 24-7 art/life weirdos. It's this
legendary banter that makes their live shows so unforgettable and endears homos & allies worldwide to feel T&S truly understands their self-deprecating, eager-to-please and wittily wry souls. Also, at a
November '07 T&S show, I got so excited that they were playing "Living Room" just like Carly wanted that I jumped off a table and tackled Carly to the ground, football-style. Everyone says I almost killed her, but I didn't, I'm not a killer.
Anyhow, T&S master the random pre-song asides and, in the mean-time in-between time, enjoy making sing-a-long videos with a
puppet named Rufus and hosting "Lost Forest Fones," a video series (available on their
incredible You Tube Channel) where they pretend to be lost in the woods, making phone calls. Yup.
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19. Tinkerbell
"I Want a Vodka-Tonic."
(Tinkerbell)
This was a big year for Tink. She got born in MIAMI FLORIDA BABY, fell in love, became a superstar, started
a myspace page, had many vodka-tonics, was lovingly manhandled by
Leisha & Cam, switched outfits several times, removed her strap, starred in several vlogs and lost about 50% of her body weight. Tinkerbell got "wings" from a flight attendant on American Airlines, traveled to
Los Angeles,
Austin,
Philadelphia, Canada, Washington DC and New Jersey, took her photo with a [wax sculpture of] Barack Obama, attended the
NewNowNext awards (where she was mandhandled by Michelle Paradise, Ari Gold, Maeve Quindlan, The Dazzle Dancers, Heloise & The Savior Faire, etc.) and even
debuted on AfterEllen. It's only fitting that Tinkerbell should have a button in her honour. Hopefully by the end of business day on Monday, we'll have more info on this exciting prospect.
Tinkerbell Pretty Party!
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18. Crystal
"I think her heart's into me, but her brain is telling her to move right along. I think that right there is my 'type.'"
(Crystal)
Over the course of 2008, Crystal has started and consequently deleted her entire
blog approximately 50 times. She's much better at letting go of old things than I'll ever be, as evidenced by her shrug-it-off reaction to her house being broken into earlier this year. I bring this up only 'cause you have to be a serious weirdo to be robbed by total weirdos: "
They took all my Gibsons, but not my crappy fender guitar ... my Wii, but not my Playstation ... my Palahniuk, but not my Ellis ... my PC-laptops, but not my Macbook ... they've either got a die-hard brand loyalty and don't make exceptions for looting, or they just couldn't carry everything ... thankfully, they didn't take my Newfound Glory t-shirts."
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17. Carlytron
"I came out to my grandma on her death bed. Literally I came out to her and she died eight minutes later."
(Carlytron)
Carly is Tina Fey weird, Cool Weird, Wes Anderson (pre-backlash) Weird. You know those
American Express ads where Wes Anderson's expenses are itemized? Carly will be in an ad like that one day. Items will include large plastic sunglasses and tiny toy robots. Also she'll do a "weirdo-chic" magazine layout in
Teen Vogue. I don't know where to begin or what to mention w/r/t Carly.
I think I overlooked Carly on the initial list because, much like memememe, Carly doesn't try to hide her weirdo-ness, aside from using the word "AWESOME" for "weird," which made it almost too obvious. You'd notice within 10 minutes, if you met her, that she's a weirdo.
As I may've mentioned last year, Carly & I have a lot in common (but it's also one of those things where although we're the same exact person in 500 bizarre ways, our base personalities are actually radically different, though this was less obvious when we first met, 'cause at that time our Base Personalities were both similarly overpowered by "Totes Numb Brick Wall/Team Hot Mess," which is sort of the Personality Trump Card).
What's
really weird about Carly is that although she: wears impeccably organized outfits with matching socks, has a very detail-oriented nature, is fond of/often counting things and keeps her room also perfectly decorated and clean, but still also totally cool ... her handwriting is even worse than mine. People say I have serial killer handwriting but compared to Carly I think the worst crime my handwriting could commit would be possession of marijuana.
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16. The Pinkberry People
"Hi! WELCOME TO PINKBERRY!"
(everyone at Pinkberry)
The employees at frozen yogurt fantasy emporium Pinkberry are alarmingly cheery. I mean, I know they train the kids at McDonald's to be smiling constantly and somehow that trickles down from the higher-ups to the workers on the floor as a kind of customer service that verges on abusive/"hostile."
So you'd think there'd be at least a
slight detraction from the Pinkberry Happiness Ethos -- maybe someone has a bad day, maybe someone's not that kind of cheesy person, maybe someone questions the logic behind requiring names on everyone's yogurt on a slow afternoon -- but no. There isn't. Everyone is in tip-top shape, everyone, all of them, every day, constantly, like Stepford Cashiers.
I always say my name is 'Alex' or 'Kate.' There's no hard syllables in any of my actual names, and then they'll yell Mary or a Grace or Alice and there'll be some big misunderstanding so I just use an easier name.
For some reason it really gets my goat when it's empty and they still ask. I do this thing where I look around the whole room first, just to see if we can share a moment of confusion together, and, having failed, relent and give them someone else's name, so that I'll know it's mine.
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15. Lozo
"The correct answer is spooning, with me as the little spoon."
(Lozo)In March or something like that, we're at a hotel party on Central Park South. Lesbians in mini-skirts abounded as well as Caitlin and I not in mini-skirts. Natalie was there. Alcohol and more. I told
Lozo to stop by and he did many hours later, drunkity drunk drunk. 'Cause Lozo says he's gonna come but never does, I didn't think he would, but he did, he walked into the room silently and upon surveying the scene, triumphantly thrust both arms in the air like a rock star arriving on stage for his groupies. Lozo has arrived. Later he passed out on the bed I was supposed to sleep on, so I had to beat him up to make him wake up. He said I broke his shoulder and I said it looked nice to me. In the morning he was gone like Santa Claus.
The next day he emailed me to ask why lesbians date women who look like men. Who knows where these thoughts come from. They Just Appear.
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14. KC & Elka Elka: You're dead to me. Okay, you're back alive to me.
KC: Gross. You resuscitated me emotionally.
Elka: You're a zombie to me now.
KC: I wanna be a vampire.
KC & Elka host
The Planet Podcast, a podcast for people who barely tolerate The L Word but watch it because there are no other lesbians on TV. I work in the same genre, so. They even hosted a weirdo convention in Albuquerque this summer, where weirdos from all around the world came to march with a Unicorn float and flash their boobs. That's serious dedication, also evidence of superior humors w/r/t Kelka themselves. Because I'm so cool, it's pretty hard to make a joke that'll really knock my socks off, but these girls make like ten jokes an hour that knock my socks and shoes off. If you don't listen to the podcast I really don't know what to tell you.
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13. David Foster Wallace.
"
You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do."
(David Foster Wallace)
I was talking the other day. About how I think too much. And how DFW thought too much too. Obvs he's 5 billion times smarter and better than I'll ever be, but I related to the trains of his thoughts. I find this, most of the time, somewhat frightening. It made me genuinely devastated to hear
he'd killed himself this year, and I'm not one to generally be affected by deaths of people I didn't know personally face-to-face. But it's different with a writer, it means they'll write no more books or articles. I don't know, it just wasn't something I thought I could write about without sounding trite, but I care, and it's really fucking depressing, the death of this weirdo.
But he was footnote kickass weirdo.
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12. Eric Mathew
"seriously had 6 martimis plus 2 cosomos ...
i am totes a socialite; ... why am I commenting? anyway ms. thang you hang tight.
as we say over at wicked... tell them how i am defyongz ravity... omg idina is nuts...
of ocurse gay and drunk would talk about idina."
(eric mathew)
Eric Mathew takes the non-sequitor comment to a whole new level, beyond anything Haviland '07 ever came close to pulling off. E.g., the above comment, on '
Stuff I've Been Reading: June/July" Also, watch his vlogs, he's a total weirdo.
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11. A Moment For All Of the People Who Could Not Be With Us Today
I'd like to give a brief shout-out to everyone I'd like to include on this list but, for one reason or another, cannot: LK (don't wanna start a riot), Devon the drug dealer (drug dealer? how would I even know a drug dealer?), B. (forbidden), my Mother (wouldn't be amused), my ex-roommate Ryan (obvs), Caitlin's sister (policy of observing but not particpating in the interwebs), Julia Allison (doesn't need more attention), Britney Spears (cannot write less than 500 words on this issue), several subjects from
Intervention (seemed cruel), Nick Denton (it's important that I kiss his ass, if I ever get the chance to), katlitter (she wouldn't read it anyhow), Tao Lin (if he googled himself and found it, might make fun of me), the other girls on Julia Allison's website (shouldn't feed the animals), the girl who did that
Uh Huh Her video in Wales (I might sound condescending), etc.
Anyhow it's tricky to write about other people. One ought to ask permission but one does not. It's like a barely cold body of water, you sort of have to just throw people into it and trust they'll discover it's not so bad, but if you ask them ahead of time, they'll probs play it safe and say no, I mean what does it matter one way or another to them. That being said, it took me several hours to find a quote from Crystal that didn't either include or reference private information of mine or hers.
Chances are, if you're still reading this, you're a weirdo. It's okay. I used to date Jesus, s/he told me the weirdos shall inherit the earth. Or maybe I just made that up.
In any event I have it on lockdown.
This is what I want is something like what these ladies have.
