Also just speaking of holiday gifts, etc., if you ever wanna know what day it is, you should get a Hot Blogger Calendar . Honestly, I'm just throwing it out there. If you don't catch it, no whining. Also. No pudding. Speaking of whining, I've been doing just that on the couch for about ten hours due to massive headache, which I suspect was inspired by: a) Riddex, b) a wrath/hex of some sort, c) aforementioned full-capacity headspace, d) the internet, which is changing how our brains and eyes work. Anyhow Natalie rubbed my head and made me dinner, so I'm a happy[er] camper now. Just in time for my 3 AM bed-time!
Tegan: Bras are super expensive! Who threw this? Is this actually one of your bras? You're wearing a bra? You brought this one with you? I love the line of thinking -- I am going to the Tegan & Sara concert and I am going to bring an old bra with me.
Sara: You know there's a recession, right? You might need that. You might need to turn that bra into a bed.
That's the only house you'll have, you'll have 2 sticks and bra and you'll be fastening that shit together to make a house.
Anyhow, T&S master the random pre-song asides and, in the mean-time in-between time, enjoy making sing-a-long videos with a puppet named Rufus and hosting "Lost Forest Fones," a video series (available on their incredible You Tube Channel) where they pretend to be lost in the woods, making phone calls. Yup.
"I Want a Vodka-Tonic."
"I think her heart's into me, but her brain is telling her to move right along. I think that right there is my 'type.'"
"I came out to my grandma on her death bed. Literally I came out to her and she died eight minutes later."
Carly is Tina Fey weird, Cool Weird, Wes Anderson (pre-backlash) Weird. You know those American Express ads where Wes Anderson's expenses are itemized? Carly will be in an ad like that one day. Items will include large plastic sunglasses and tiny toy robots. Also she'll do a "weirdo-chic" magazine layout in Teen Vogue. I don't know where to begin or what to mention w/r/t Carly.
I think I overlooked Carly on the initial list because, much like memememe, Carly doesn't try to hide her weirdo-ness, aside from using the word "AWESOME" for "weird," which made it almost too obvious. You'd notice within 10 minutes, if you met her, that she's a weirdo.
As I may've mentioned last year, Carly & I have a lot in common (but it's also one of those things where although we're the same exact person in 500 bizarre ways, our base personalities are actually radically different, though this was less obvious when we first met, 'cause at that time our Base Personalities were both similarly overpowered by "Totes Numb Brick Wall/Team Hot Mess," which is sort of the Personality Trump Card).
What's really weird about Carly is that although she: wears impeccably organized outfits with matching socks, has a very detail-oriented nature, is fond of/often counting things and keeps her room also perfectly decorated and clean, but still also totally cool ... her handwriting is even worse than mine. People say I have serial killer handwriting but compared to Carly I think the worst crime my handwriting could commit would be possession of marijuana.
16. The Pinkberry People
(everyone at Pinkberry)
The employees at frozen yogurt fantasy emporium Pinkberry are alarmingly cheery. I mean, I know they train the kids at McDonald's to be smiling constantly and somehow that trickles down from the higher-ups to the workers on the floor as a kind of customer service that verges on abusive/"hostile."
So you'd think there'd be at least a slight detraction from the Pinkberry Happiness Ethos -- maybe someone has a bad day, maybe someone's not that kind of cheesy person, maybe someone questions the logic behind requiring names on everyone's yogurt on a slow afternoon -- but no. There isn't. Everyone is in tip-top shape, everyone, all of them, every day, constantly, like Stepford Cashiers.
I always say my name is 'Alex' or 'Kate.' There's no hard syllables in any of my actual names, and then they'll yell Mary or a Grace or Alice and there'll be some big misunderstanding so I just use an easier name.
For some reason it really gets my goat when it's empty and they still ask. I do this thing where I look around the whole room first, just to see if we can share a moment of confusion together, and, having failed, relent and give them someone else's name, so that I'll know it's mine.
"The correct answer is spooning, with me as the little spoon."
In March or something like that, we're at a hotel party on Central Park South. Lesbians in mini-skirts abounded as well as Caitlin and I not in mini-skirts. Natalie was there. Alcohol and more. I told Lozo to stop by and he did many hours later, drunkity drunk drunk. 'Cause Lozo says he's gonna come but never does, I didn't think he would, but he did, he walked into the room silently and upon surveying the scene, triumphantly thrust both arms in the air like a rock star arriving on stage for his groupies. Lozo has arrived. Later he passed out on the bed I was supposed to sleep on, so I had to beat him up to make him wake up. He said I broke his shoulder and I said it looked nice to me. In the morning he was gone like Santa Claus.
The next day he emailed me to ask why lesbians date women who look like men. Who knows where these thoughts come from. They Just Appear.
14. KC & Elka
KC: Gross. You resuscitated me emotionally.
Elka: You're a zombie to me now.
KC: I wanna be a vampire.
KC & Elka host The Planet Podcast, a podcast for people who barely tolerate The L Word but watch it because there are no other lesbians on TV. I work in the same genre, so. They even hosted a weirdo convention in Albuquerque this summer, where weirdos from all around the world came to march with a Unicorn float and flash their boobs. That's serious dedication, also evidence of superior humors w/r/t Kelka themselves. Because I'm so cool, it's pretty hard to make a joke that'll really knock my socks off, but these girls make like ten jokes an hour that knock my socks and shoes off. If you don't listen to the podcast I really don't know what to tell you.
13. David Foster Wallace.
"You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do."
(David Foster Wallace)
But he was footnote kickass weirdo.
12. Eric Mathew
"seriously had 6 martimis plus 2 cosomos ...
i am totes a socialite; ... why am I commenting? anyway ms. thang you hang tight.
as we say over at wicked... tell them how i am defyongz ravity... omg idina is nuts...
of ocurse gay and drunk would talk about idina."
Anyhow it's tricky to write about other people. One ought to ask permission but one does not. It's like a barely cold body of water, you sort of have to just throw people into it and trust they'll discover it's not so bad, but if you ask them ahead of time, they'll probs play it safe and say no, I mean what does it matter one way or another to them. That being said, it took me several hours to find a quote from Crystal that didn't either include or reference private information of mine or hers.
Chances are, if you're still reading this, you're a weirdo. It's okay. I used to date Jesus, s/he told me the weirdos shall inherit the earth. Or maybe I just made that up.
In any event I have it on lockdown.