Luckily, I'm Jewish and don't believe in Revelation, and 'cause the Jews are Chosen I'll probs survive the apocalypse anyhow ... um ... I actually have 'the apocalypse' as a tag, which is telling ... Where was I? I'm sick. I used Carly's chapstick last night before confessing my sickness, so I've been trying to downplay my sickness since then to relieve the guilts I've got over that. Coincidentally, I'm also getting way better.
Sidenote, not related to apocalyptic anything -- in fact quite the opposite! -- we went to the NewNowNext Awards last night and Alex and I pretended to be real reporters (and Cait pretended to be a real cameraperson) for "The L Word Online," the video's gonna be kickass!! I just need to learn Final Cut. Erum today maybe? Look at Michelle Paradise and Tinkerbell! They're so cute and clearly in love!
"What's that, Tinkerbell? You wanna go to the awards with me?"
Seriously, this video is going to be amazing! More about that later. Back to Top Ten Signs of the Apocalypse! I feel like this post is old-school autowin.
Then I flipped the channel to MTV during a commercial and confirmed immediately that the world'll probs end in 2010 for sure.
Tuesday Top Eight: Signs of the Apocalypse
8) My Super Sweet 16
The birthday girl disagrees -- she's horrified, "Oh my GOD this is so embarrassing, what was he thinking?!" she says. She's losing the crowd, her friends are giggling/whispering/aghast. She has failed to provide K-Fed or Kriss Kross. Her father slips into the background, avoiding the camera's reproach, as the birthday girl asks the DJ to stop the music right now, everyone hates it. "I'm here to party, not to see the like, ballet," one dude, the scent of money still fresh on his skin, laments. Anyhow, all is forgiven, her present pulls up outside: "Oh my God," a friend drops jaw for the camera. "She got a new Lexus. I'm so jealous."
All is forgiven. Let us rejoice!
I actually didn't know anyone who had a Sweet 16, is it normal to have one? I guess I went to a lot of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, though.
a) Think "OMG, I love this girl, she's the one for me."
b) Try to start a fight with whomever's kissing her.
c) Boil over with jealousy because she is your one true love, you guys hung out for three minutes yesterday, it was awesome, you're in love, wtf.
d) Get out of the pool and be like, "this show isn't about bisexuality, it's about polyamory, which is totes fine, but also not my thing clearly as I've been brainwashed into believing she's my one and only soulmate, and also, Tila is dumb, I'm gonna go nap on that big-ass bed while all these losers duke it out in the pool."
e) Make like Ophelia and drown.
6) Our Stummies Hurt
(Claire, Six Feet Under)
4) Save the Cheerleader, Save the World
3) My Requisite Angela Chase Moment
Monday 12th - Tegan & Sara concert
Thursday 15th - Uh Huh Her in Philadelphia
Saturday 17th - Carly's housewarming (gay!), Alex's friend's rooftop b-day party (kinda gay!)
Monday 19th - Logo NewNowNext Awards
Tuesday 20th - Uh Huh Her in NYC
You know how when you're sick, you hear everything like you're stuck inside a giant plastic bag? That's how I feel now, but it'll pass. It's like jittery and hollow and rainy, and made me write all this nonsense. Which is incoherent, but in my mind, has a thesis, maybe even five paragraph, and fireworks at the end.
For now, the world spins madly on. I'm hungry.