Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Election Day Live-Blog: Either the Best or the Worst Night Ever [UPDATE THE BEST!!!]

Hi kids! Welcome to the Election Day Live-Blog. We get to find out who wins tonight, right? FYI, we still don't have a couch, and I was trying to screw in the curtain rod and I fell through a bookshelf, breaking it and slicing my left leg open. It's pretty sexy. I think things can really only go up from here. Like we could win the election.

12:49 A.M.: Oh and happy birthday Autumn!!! OMG you guys, I am so proud of everyone. I wish my Dad could see this, he'd freak out for sure. I'm so happy and stuff!!

12: 31 AM: AND WE DID. Planet Harlem is AMAZING right now. They've got a big screen on Adam Clayton Powell, no one is yelling at me about the apocalypse and there is just pure, unbridled, genuine, fearless JOY on the streets right now. I love everyone.

Don't talk to me about Prop 8 right now, I can't handle it, just need to sleep and will deal with that, and my re-opened leg wound, in the morning.


10:35 P.M.: PARIS and Semicolon support Obama for president.
I love this wig, I love America, and I love John McCain. (KIDDING! I mean ... I do! 'Cause he lost so that my true LOVe Obama could WINN!!) We're going to go next door and see if we can make our friends as excited as we are. BRB in like five minutes, 'cause NO ON PROP 8 HAS JUST BEGUN.

10:25 P.M.: In 2000, I was asleep in my dorm and I woke up at 2 A.M and heard my friend yelling 'we won! Gore! Gore in Oh-oh!" and I went to sleep happy and then I woke up the next morning and the whole world changed. But this is shaping up to be so much better than that, and so much more.

Natalie: Your leg looks like HELL by the way. I hope you don't have rabies.
Me: That's your name! Your NAME is RABIES!

(It's Raaber, but when we joined the gym together as a lesbian couple, they sent the mail to Marie Bernard and Natalie Rabey.)

10:21 P.M.: We might need to go next door and excite Devilkitty 'cause we feel like she is not excited enough.

NYTimes says 159 Obama, 36 McCain. I knew it! I knew this was gonna happen, 'cause polling "likely voters"? Who are they? Who's ever been polled as a likely voter? Not me. Young people and black people were not polled and they all voted so BOOYA pollers. People who don't answer their phone are autowinners. Yayayayayay!

10:13 P.M.: This is like a dream, except my dead Dad and my ex from middle school aren't in it! Um, anyway so ...

My nail polish DOES match my blood, holler!

You know why I'm bleeding? 'Cause I'm a liberal, and that's my bleeding heart!

Natalie likes Rachel's hair better too. It's been universally confirmed that Rachel's hair looks better tonight and that is probs why Obama is winning and will win and YES WE CAN

10:05 P.M.: Live pictures from HARLEM?!!! This is the first thing to ever happen outside of Dr. Jay's Shoe Store since 2007 and now I live a little bit too far west for my lazy ass to trek.

10:02 P.M: Update on my leg:

Update on the election:

Natalie just came home and we all screamed about Ohio! Her parents voted Democrat for the first time ever, and she made her brother vote, and he just came in and she was like, "Matthew, it's because of you! That he won Ohio!" See, heartwarming moments are happening all over the place.

9:50 P.M.: Someone explain to me the psychology of people who totally just don't vote?

9:48 P.M.: First occasion for "my number one feeling is Miami" tag since um ... actually going to Miami!

9:46 P.M: I'm not entirely sure I have any idea how to act when something reliant on a popular vote totally goes my way.

9:43 P.M.: Finally, college-educated whites have achieved SOMETHING. We're cited as Obama's number one pushers for this election. We don't have jobs that pay our rent, but we're all about the audacity of hope etc!!!


9:40 P.M.: A;ex loves maps and apologizes for not knowing "where that state is that's next to Michigan." Also she can see Angelina Jolie from her bedroom!

NPR says Obama wins New Mexico, but NY Times says McCain wins New Mexico. I feel like the NY Times is being a serious old grey lady tonight.

9:36 P.M.: Haviland vounteered today in L.A. and said everyone was like "oh, obvs I'm voting against Prop 8" She also says "Hi Autowinnners!" and "Hi!" on behalf of all L.A. Power Lesbians. Wheeeee!

9:35 P.M.: A;ex just asked "what's that state next to Michigan?" Sigh.

9:32 P.M.: Okay a lot of things are happening ... and I think they are all good.

9:23 P.M.: OH! OHIO! Ohio! My home and native land, where I celebrate the Jesus related holidays and my dear family lives! YOU GO ERMA! YOU GO ERMA AND GLEN! (those are my grandparents). Yay Ohio, birthplace of my father, yay Ohio, homeland of Natalie! OHIO! Home of the many Wal-Marts and Odd Lots! Ohio land of the free home of the not that brave but very very tenacious sometimes when they want to be! Ohio headquarters of the homosexy Abercrombie and Fitch!

9:16 P.M: I wish Elisabeth Hassleback's career was on the ballot so I could vote her out of it. I hope she deflates a little and then Whoopi and Joy can eat her. Also, the polls close in California in an hour and 45 minutes, so I guess we'll find out about No on prop 8 um ... well I'll be up all night. Is legalizing cocaine on the ballot? It's only 9:17! A lot of talking not a lot of results.

Still those white dudes are overpowering Rachel.

9:14 P.M: McCain's Mom is talking crazy. She doesn't care if he wins and thinks he's going to die soon or something. She must be at least 500 years old.

9:11 P.M.: OMG It's GRANHOLM! In Michigan! She pioneered the lesbian haircut! She has high hopes for Obama obviously. Talking about the auto industry. Love the multicultural electorate everywhere except at Obama rallies.

9:05 P.M.: I've never been to Virginia or South Carolina. WILL I EVER? We'll find out tonight. A;ex is cleansing my wound. Oh good, Rachel is talking, I think they did her hair differently tonight.

9:04 P.M.: Peter and A;ex want to order pizza 'cause Chris Matthews told them too. Obvs brainwashed by the liberal media elite.

8:54 P.M.: In response to various comments -- I never let not being able to focus stop me from liveblogging! Yay! I'd feel weird if I lived in Anchorage, my tear ducts are totes prepped for tears of joy, and I am wishing myself good luck as well.

There is not enough Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. If my cable worked well I could flip back and forth between this and BET.

I think Delay just tried to talk "street" and failed. "I don't hate!" Okay. Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, I don't even want, none of the above ...

8:48 P.M.: If you want to feel better just read Huff Po. They have lots of big letters announcing nice things, like that Obama wins it all. But this asshat on MSNBC is like "cool your heels in Grant Park." Yeah I'll cool your heels in your mom or whatevs whatevs whatever.

A;ex: What the fuck would it take for these red assholes to wake up and change their fucking minds and vote Democrat?
Me: If they could just feel the pleasure of another man's penis in their assholes, they'd flip like THAT.
A;ex: I mean how can they ignore what's happening in this country?
Me: There's a g-spot up there.

8:45 P.M.: So far Obama has not flipped a red state blue. That's fine. Purple is my favorite color.

8:41 P.M.: FreshDirect is 41 minutes late. I'm hungry. I wish I lived in a socialist country. I cannot drink fast enough for this night. I tried to take another picture of my bloody leg 'cause I think it's gotten worse, but I don't think any photos can do it justice. There are three of us in one room using the slowest web connection ever. I wonder what I'd pick for my headshot in the upper left.

I saw McCain speaking this afternoon to his "supporters" and he kept saying "my friends." Does he do that all the time? That's so irritating, if he wins I'm going Office Space on my teevee so I never have to hear his stupid annoying voice, he is so not in my top 8 and never will be. If I had a top 100,000 he wouldn't be in it either.

8:36 P.M.: The NY Times poll is completely whack! How can they keep reporting all these random Midwestern states before ANYONE has reported? Has anyone counted MY absentee ballot in Michigan yet?

8:33 P.M.: Barack is barely winning the popular vote. I don't care about the popular vote. AUTOWIN: Not caring about the popular vote since 2000.

8:31 P.M.: Obama is gonna win Maine. I knew it! Everyone in Maine is a hippie who lives in a tree. My Fresh Direct is totally late. I need to open this bottle of wine to drink right out of it. BRB.

8:26 P.M.: I'd like to speak to the 9% who think the economy is good. Actually I know one person who thinks we're all just being pessimistic. She doesn't live in Pennsylvania though so I don't know what to tell you. Maybe that's also the same percentage of people in Pennsylvania who live in caves and/or the hills.

8:22 P.M.: Thank you for the demonstration of how to fill out a ballot. This is like the SATs. Bring a Number 2 pencil and cocaine.

8:17 P.M.: I feel like if Ice-T had gone in another direction in his career, he would look a little bit like the token they've got on MSNBC ... I'm not just saying that 'cause they're both black. They look alike! I mean I know the difference between Barack Obama and Will Smith. I totally voted.

The NYTimes is projecting Texas to go Obama with 0% reporting? I feel like they should re-hire some of those 1,200 people they fired.

8:08 P.M.: Natalie says "Peter keeps saying OH NO! What's happening?" I tell her McCain hasn't lost a red state yet but we think Barack won Pennsylvania.

BTW, I'm losing all kinds of red blood coming out of my leg, and I still believe in the audacity of hope.

8:07 P.M.: Chris Matthews says that in Pennsylvania, "change" isn't always a good word 'cause the kids grow up and then move to New York or D.C. I think the implication is that they then become HOMOSEXUALS.


7:47 P.M.: @lozo - too close to call! Obama will school McCain later.

I feel like it's still noon in California. FreshDirect is late, I wonder if that's related to the election. I hate it when Red States report first.

7:35 P.M. A;ex is putting up my shelves! Chris Matthews's voice gets a little grating sometimes. I think Rachel's worn that jacket before. But look she's blue and red! Like America! Except I hope America is more blue. Just like her outfit!

Also, I got some late-adds for the No on Prop 8 Quilt, so I must re-post it, 'cause it's two hot lesbians and a cute dog, which's the American Dream obviously.


Anonymous said...

I love that you're a live-blogger now. I take full credit for this.

Is it just me, or is Obama getting housed in the popular vote right now?

Atherton Bartelby said...

OMG I don't even think I can focus well enough to live-blog this thing so I'm totes glad you're doing it!

Mercury said...

On the CNN map thingy, they color-coded Alaska brown, because voting closes at 1 am EST here. That is because we are so far West we're almost in Asia. Which is actually the East. Somewhere in the water east and west trade spots.

Have fun live-blogging! I feel like just sitting here and watching. But it's only 4:30 and I told myself I'd go to the bank today. I haven't left the house yet.

I'm in a really weird mood today.

Anonymous said...

Love the live-blogging.
Watching every second of your election up here in Toronto.
I want to cry joyful tears tongiht not tears of horrid sadness. We all know Obama can take this!

a. said...

I'm at work, about to go live with election coverage. I'm surrounded by televisions showing CNN, NBC(we don't get MSNBC but I have it rolling live online), etc etc etc...

And yet, your coverage might be better.

Good luck American pals!

Jo said...

Awesome election coverage! Any idea when we'll know about Prop 8? Will those results be announced with the presidential race or will there be a delay?

marlene. said...

not to state the obvious or anything. live-blogging ftw!

Anonymous said...


might be a good place to see some results comign in soon.

Atherton Bartelby said...


cheri said...

the fact that you're watching MSNBC just makes me so happy.

Bokolis said...

OK show's over. Obama has 200 in the bank.
+55 CA
+11 WA
+ 7 OR
+ 4 HI
= 272

Game over, thanks for playing. But, we have lovely parting gifts for you, Gov. Palin...a tee shirt, made in some hostile nation, of course, and it says, "I ran for Vice President and all I got was a stupid wardrobe." We also have a pair of custom-made Hollister sweat pants, with "DRILL BABY DRILL" stitched into the rear.

I got a kick out of watching the shills on Fox News mope.

hachiemachie said...

The 9% who are okay with the economy are the 9% of the people who have all the wealth. Fuck 'em.


marlene. said...

pretty sure your blood matches your nail polish. now that's hot.

Anonymous said...

OMG ohio, new mexico, IOWA?!!

Note to self: Don't get too excitant yet... omgomgomg

Anonymous said...

I can't decide what to pay more attention to, MSNBC or Riese.

Riese wins.

dorothy said...

I have been crying tears of joy since I voted this AM. Yes we can!!

Stephanie said...

stephen colbert just said "i have a lot of feelings" and i thought of you. go america!

carlytron said...

dude you fucked up your leg for REAL.

I just got home from Rockefeller Center and it was seriously breathtaking. I am probably going to be crying soon. Damn.

carlytron said...


Jo said...


(Can someone explain to me how they declared the west coast for Obama only moments after the polls closed when it took so long for other states?)

a. said...




Anonymous said...

America for once this millenium didn't fuck up! Shocking. I even got my mom to vote for the 3rd (anti-Nixon, anti-Bush and anti-Palin...not McCain, yeah she just votes AGAINST people) time in her life. My gf is excited too and informed me that her vote was the winner of 1%

riese said...


My word verif is "ihavealotoffeeelingsandtheyareallgood" which is swahili for "GOBAMA."

Vashti said...

AHHHH GOBAMA!! His speech almost made me cry [I would've cried but no one else I was with was crying so I held it in]. My mom called me from Chicago tonight as she was walking over to Grant Park with my sister. I didn't know whether to be really happy or really jealous. Then I remembered that I had a lot of friends at the rally too so jealousy kind of took over. Then Obama started to speak and nothing mattered anymore because I was witnessing history and overcome with hope, joy, etc.

caitlinmae said...

i cried about four times, silently, proudly.
This is a fab live blog and even more fun to read now that it's all settled--
HOW is your leg? OUCH.
I hope it's healed with the same magical strength that obama brings to heal america.
also, happy birthday autumn! what a happy birthday present.
also, I can't imagine how incredible harlem must have been. Bedford ave was snow white and was still a marvelous, gleeful time. Until the riot police came and started arresting everyone... but we'll deal with that in the morning.
word veri is elyzes-- like elysee like utopia

asher said...

1) you fell THROUGH a bookshelf?
2) i'm pretty happy drunk
3) holy shit, OBAMA@!!!
4) IN HTAT... woah... in that pic of your leg, you toes looks like fingers, wtf?
5) when did anyone really think TX would go democratic? someone acutally called texas for obama? hahhaa. i must have missed that whilst drinking.

ps - my yard had previously hosted an obama (mme) nad a mccain sign (pops). the Obama sign gots stolen this evening - oh, fucking well. :)

oh, happy day. we'll find out real results for prop 8 in the morning? (fingers crossed)

ps, again - i feel like word veri is now just there to prevent drunks from posting comments. so wrong. so communist.f i'll try again...

autumn m said...

i have many many many feelings. i watched the news all night with a republican friend. it was rather weird. i was mad when kansas went to mccain. like i almost punched the tv. i feel like my vote was wasted. like it didnt matter. ok so i was showering when obama won. i get out and check my phone, like 17 texts, and 9 voice mails. all saying the same thing. so i turn on the tv and sure enough its true. so i watched McCain speak about blah blah blah, i dont care. then, Obama came on. at this moment i was so happy, but not crazy happy. more of a somber happy. part of me couldnt register what i was seeing. because i have no demy friends, i sat alone in the dark and watched obama's speech. now because i dont wanna sound like a pansy, i wont say i cried, it was more like a tear of joy. but just one tear.
today is my 22nd birthday. and somehow i feel like it shouldnt be a day of celebration. this whole time i never thought once about my birthday because i was so preoccupied with the election. but now its over. my first time ever voting and i voted for a dem. and that man made history and won this nation. but at the same time, prop 8 didnt pass is cali. and amendment 2 didnt in flordia. all those people who got married....whats that mean for them?? im happy that obama won, but im sad that people dont see the need for equal rights for everyone. how does one handle this?? well, im going on strike for my birthday, thats how. those people in cali and florida who cant marry cause there gay arent celebrating, so neither am i.

Becky said...

FUCK your leg is BAD.
You need stitches or something, I don't want you bleeding to death, because I love you and nobody would recap the last season of the L Word in January as funny as you :)
Love the wig!
When you said two lesbians and a dog, I thought it was Kelka. Anyway they are cute too.
Do something about that leg, put iodine or cream soda on it, can't remember which.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Autumn :)
Your vote wasn't wasted. FOR SURE.
Your story is something that really fascinates me. You live in a place surrounded by people that I don't think I could interact with on most levels. It broke my little heart to hear that you didn't have anyone there with you to celebrate that moment.
(I mean, you can count the people on this blog perhaps? ok maybe not but if I were anywhere near Kansas we would've been parading in the streets together just like everyone here in NYC and around the world.)
Happy birthday.

I have a lot of feelings about the prop8 stuff obviously... I'm trying not to think about it so I can enjoy this day.

Anonymous said...

Oh, we both like wigs, too.

Go to Comedy Central Dot Com and watch the end of the Stewart/Colbert coverage. Colbert looks into the camera and says, "I have a lot of feelings." I nearly choked.

autumn m said...

ok so i was reading what i wrote, and i found an error on my part. i wrote that prop 8 and amendment 2 didnt pass. yeah, stupid autumn, cant type. and since i like to make sense, let me correct myself. im pissed cause they passed. stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid..................

caitlinmae said...

a;ex said everything I wanted to say, and she said it well...
but I love the sound of my own keyboard, and so:
You still have reason to celebrate today (other than guy fawkes day, obvs.) Obama's victory last night was not an immediate cure to all social ills. But I'd like to think it's like a butterfly bandage. You know, the x shaped ones doctors use when you have a REALLY bad wound? (kind of like riese's leg.) It will hold things together so the healing can take place. There's still all sorts of injury underneath. But this will help.

We woke up this morning and the people of America, some of the same people who made us proud through their support of Obama, are still not ready to get regulations away from our love and our bodies. There is still an economic crisis of epic proportions. We're still at war. The passing of these propositions is of course a huge blow to our civil rights.
But one generation ago, the man who is to be our president would have been facing the same struggle for his civil rights. He would have been considered a "separate but equal" citizen, and his existence and pursuit of liberties a threat... much in the same way marriage is threatening. What a difference a generation makes.

I'm deeply saddened, as I know you are, by the other events of last night. But what an incredible example of how far things have come since the civil rights movement-- an example that gives me hope that in the not too distant future, civil rights actually WILL apply to all civilians.

*hops off soapbox*

Haviland said...

what a night!

Anonymous said...

great recap!

dewey said...

OMG!!! Im not even American and almost cried this morning, i did a bit of an all nighter so i could stay updated!

I almost cried again watching his speech, my faith in the world is re-born

Good job America!!!

dewey said...

I soooooo just remembered summin. Im just about to go watch some fireworks cos today is November 5th! Now if i remember rightly you guys said you'd have a bonfire night celebration this year and what better way to celebrate Obamas victory!!

I will have a few drinks on behalf of everyone that voted for Obama tonight...Im guessing that means a lot of drinks.

word veri: cylater...speaks for itself

dani said...

thank you america!

Anonymous said...

Yay for Obama!!!!! So proud to be an American!

BTW, that cut looks gnarly! Is it really sliced all the way down? Or is that just the blood trail?

OMG! I hope you're okay!

BTW, I am sure you heard, Prop 8 passed:(


autumn m said...

so i looked at that picture alex put on her twitter and got angry jealous. i wanted to be there!!! so, i am going to photoshop a picture of myself in it, and lie and tell people i traveled to NY just to celebrate with those people. sound good??
alex, thanks for the birthday wish. and its good to know someone is fascinated with my life story. maybe i should write an Autobiography, or better yet, pay someone to write it for me and call it a biography. So it looks like someone likes me. It should be call.... The Life of Autumn McCool: The Tale of A Kick Ass Kansan. Just throwing that out there.
caitlinmae, very true about what you said about the difference of a generation. Sad. I guess I just don’t understand how it can still be ok to be called separate but equal. How is this still possible???? Even if people don’t like it, how can they sit there and say its ok to dictate what people do and who they do what with and when they do it. Its no ones fucking business!!!! Sorry, I didn’t mean to get angry.
I spent all morning justifying to people why I voted the why I did. Cause all they see is that I voted for the black antichrist socialist. Eventually I just stopped listening. I swear if I have to justify it one more time, I will kill someone. Which won’t be good because it will probs be like a co-worker or something. Bad stuff.
i want a cupcake. like a birthday cupcake. it will make me happy. yummmmmmmm

Jo said...

There's a little good news about Prop 8- the San Francisco City Attorney will be filing a claim with the California Supreme court arguing that Prop 8 is unconstitutional.

MoonKiller said...

Firstly, yayyy just yayyy.

Secondly, Arianna Huffington is on Newsnight right now. And I can hear someone in the background saying 'Can we get a 20 on Shane?'. But I can't really.

Thirdly, your leg looks highly painful. I was expecting a graze and was shocked to the core when I saw it.

Fourthly, I got 3 hours sleep last night because I stayed up to watch the coverage but luckily I had a 4 hour bus journey to London to see Les Mis to sleep.

Fifthly, the first thing I thought when I heard he'd won was 'Riese will be SO happy.'

Sixthly, I think ITV is our NY Times: for about an hour everything was the opposite to what it actually was.

Seventhly, I'm 1 year and 7 minutes away from actually having the right to vote.

Eighthly, yayy, again.