A 26-year old Warlem almost-hipster navigates the rocky roads of her smokin' hot life. This includes post-college ennui, the tipping balance between emotional withdrawal and frightening investment, the 1 train, 10-dollar bottles of "drinkable" Pinot Grigio and the gaping holes in her Chuck Taylors. She'd like to lie more often than she does, because honesty is a real bitch.
On the Sweet Cruise during the first week of November I slept. I slept a lot, I slept on a hammock in Cozumel in the shade for ten minutes and in our bed at four pm or maybe later, or maybe earlier, and I slept on the pool deck at all hours, internationally. I slept sandwiched between two and I slept with limbs sprawled; alone. I slept while you spoke, I slept while I spoke. I slept on the airplane to New Orleans and I slept on the airplane back from New Orleans. I slept for maybe only a minute while you slept for thirty minutes with your tiny open mouth at my back in the New Orleans afternoon the day we got back; in that high-ceilinged room of silence and your supple, warm breathing.
After hitting my head in Roatan, when I couldn't tell if the alarm incited by the humming jellyfish wearily holding my brain in place was the weed or the abrupt contact with that concrete gate (which, like getting my bellybutton pierced (I would tell people later) was So Painful but also so sudden and so momentary that I wouldn't necessarily fear it again), I did that thing I do in my brain when I try to figure out if I can act like I'm OK or not, which lately has been one of my strongest indicators of overall health -- not health or happiness itself, but my ability to imitate those emotions or project those impressions or inspire those reactions. I am not certain that I am wrong to describe health that way.
I enjoyed the freedom to be warm & silent.
The trouble with going into business with your friends & loved ones is that to be successful one must project an image of success at all times.
This is not easy, I was not prepared for this. I want the recession to be over but it isn't. I wanted Plan B and Plan C but neither exist anymore. I want to be known for something other than being addicted to work which isn't actually true, I'm just addicted to progress.
I comfort myself with the lives of legends although I'm not one.
I lie down on fields of nothing and let jellyfish ghosts eat my face alive and then I call it The Future.
I miss cash.
See I have high arches in my feet, like unusually high, which is where I'd store the money after that job I don't talk about. I miss the wads of money large enough to prop the arch of my foot right up, almost turn my foot to its side, and I miss the money fatter than my wallet could handle. I miss being casual with money -- the dollar bill rescued from a coat pocket, stored in the glass jar with pencils, or the extra ten for the waitress. I miss owning the money I'd worked for and how easy it was to secure it at the time and I wish I'd spent it on things besides debt, I wish it'd been pure and joyful and I wish it was still in my shoe, safe from East Harlem's alleged robbers who'd reach everywhere but never my feet, they told me. I loved that transaction being over and both of us squared away because I miss the ease and definitive actions of commerce. I miss being allowed to care about money, I miss the vehicle to get it immediately; the key in the ignition and the drive.
I miss the romance of money. I miss the taste of money so There; I've said it. And you? Do you, too?
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I have never been as certain as I am now that if anyone can do this, we can do this.
I hate that there are people who've been able to help us who instead have gone out of theirr way to fuck us up and I hate that I can't talk about who those people are.
I love that there are unexpected people who have emerged to help us and say that we're all in this together. I honestly love those people.
I hate everything no-one can talk about. If you haven't noticed that about me already.
I wish I could write here without feeling like it meant something big or that someone I work with/for/becauseof would like be disappointed or some crap.
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Often times, it's its weirdness, its unexpectedness, its complete uniqueness, that makes it seem to hold such potential for exception.
Because for a group of people with so many words and pictures and ideas between us, we have none to describe this, are never so stunned when asked to explain why by someone who isn't with us in middle earth. Besides to say something revolutionary and naive and stubborn, which is to say it reminds us of ourselves in a way so powerful that to let it remind you of yourself would bring nothing but joy to you, or else you could get burned or scorched, too.
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I know these thoughts and sentences literally don't make sense. I try to make sentences make sense all day but sometimes I'm tired, and feel stupid
Hi! I do this website Autostraddle? And we had a pretty amazing redesign, it went up a few weeks ago and though we're still ironing it out, you should go check it out! I AM SHOWING YOU MY SOUL GO LOOK AT IT!
On Christmas of 2008, Olive picked me up from the airport and drove the both of us to my apartment. My roommates were out of town. I'd just written this on the airplane from Ohio to New York, which I'd finish later that night after Olive went home. She brought me champagne even though she said she couldn't drink any because of her medication.
She wasn't taking any medication.
We sat on my room's floor and ate Chinese food, me leaning against my bed and her against the wall, wedged between my low black bookshelf and the door. I told her everything that'd happened in the heartland; the hard conversations with my grandmother, how I'd learned I could fit in after all if only I had the guts for it. She responded not only with sentences of her own but with these practiced, soothing hums and nods of agreement which seemed to almost be pulsing out the beat to my Momentous Concerto of Feelings.
Now when I remember Olive I remember her this way: on Christmas night, eating Chinese food on the floor with me and nodding. She's huddled up in her hoodie, limbs tucked close, her fingers burrowed inside her sleeves; her wide, flat face cockeyed and listening and eyes blinking behind her expensive glasses. It was a meek, tender posture that made her seem like this warm glowing soft sulking animal.
She sat like a person who wanted to fold right into herself through some tiny trapdoor in her gut. She sat like a person who wanted to be smaller and who spent her life actively destroying possibilities or roads that could lead her where she wanted to go, or turn her into what she wanted to be.
So in lieu of all that, she deferred, she shrunk, she huddled, she hid, she compacted, she shied.
And I loved her so much that night, as I had since August of 2007 and as I would until late February, 2009.
Not a really long time period in the grand scheme of things but long enough.
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Things happen quickly here.
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We all did, at one point or another, didn't we? We all loved her so much if even for a minute.
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I met Olive because of the internet. We never would've crossed paths otherwise.
She's the only local friend I can say this about with certainty.
She's also the only person I've ever given up on; fully, completely, forever.
So she's only a lot of things.
She was, at the time, one of only a few queer girl friends I'd had that I'd never kissed.
That might seem meaningless, but I'm a trashwhore, just keep that in mind.
And I don't have a lot of friends.
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Christmas was a cold, sad night; but when she left I felt somehow buoyed because she'd been here and we'd talked for so long; knowing that we'd made it through this year and the one before it in one piece. Thinking of her warm, sad body and her hums and nods, her blind psychotic nods of agreement, her unconscious pervasive manipulation and the time that winter when she'd cried on the couch while I held her hand and didn't let go when it got sweaty.
Alex was talking when we were on the couch and I remember thinking I wanted to burrow into Olive's shoulder and maybe hibernate there, but instead I held her hand while she cried, and then squeezed it when she cried harder.
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On February 26th, 2009, I was at work when she called. I didn't answer.
We'd been emailing about some L Word dresses the Showtime girls had asked for help identifying but I didn't want to talk because I was at work and I didn't talk about my work to her.
Olive was a very helpful person.
I do think she wanted to help.
I listened to her voicemail; cool as a cucumber, to the End of Olive:
"I wanted to call you so that you would hear it from me first, that I messed up, I made up a person and emailed Robin as this person to offer Robin a job, this woman I used to babysit for, and I don't know why I did that, or why I do those things but I fucked up and I'm sorry, obviously I'm still really fucked up and wish I could know why i do these things, and, I love you ..."
I sat on the chair listening to her voice-mail and feeling the blood in my body sort of evaporate into this space of pure, white noise.
"Are you okay," Dylan asked, seeing my blank cold face.
"Yeah," I said. "My friend - Olive, you know --- the one who like fucked me over for my apartment --"
"Oh," that pity look women give each other, women like us who have pity to spare, and to hold, and to deflect and internalize, "You're still talking to her ?"
"Not anymore."
See, I hadn't heard it from Olive first, because Alex, Carly, Robin and I had already figured it out. But it was the first lie we'd caught her in where no-one got hurt, nothing serious was lost (besides a few hours of detective work, but really I was a seasoned pro at that point), and she didn't leave anyone homeless, jobless, awaiting a Paypal transfer or requesting time off work and waiting for a car to an airport to a flight that didn't exist on a vacation that didn't exist.
So there was no mess or logistical nightmare to remedy and therefore I continued emailing with her for the next 20 minutes or so, almost enjoying one of a few moments ever where I was the one who knew something she didn't know, something catastrophic and mean, before she finally emailed back that she doesn't think Bette ever wore that red dress and that I really need to check my voicemail.
So I emailed her back and told her never to talk to me again.
I mean that's not what I said exactly.
This is what I said, exactly:
You should call Alex. I have a lot of feelings but I don't have the time to go through them all right now. Mostly I'm just completely baffled because this comes out of nowhere and was completely unnecessary. If you could still get back to me with info about the dresses I would appreciate it. I'll write you more when I have time.
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I get defensive when I try to tell this story.
See; the quickest way to lose your mind is to try to fit a crazy person's behavior into your reality. It doesn't fit, so you have to make room. So you fit that information in the only part that has eternal vacancy; imagination.
By then, too late, as I said: you've already lost it. You're nothing.
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"September is a time of change."
I've been thinking about September 2008, when I was expecting August to light firecrackers for September and instead it stuffed two sticks of dynamite into my ears, plugged my mouth with a banana and dropped me off the roof of 172 West 124th street and I fell to the street ignited by the speed of the past twelve months of my life sucking skyward. I fell onto the street where, coincidentally, at that time, I 'joked' I might soon be living.
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In July '08, my roommates told me someone would be taking my place September 1st. This new roommate would, I knew, enjoy Pictionary and invisible-dust-dusting more than I did.
I felt like a dystopian punk stepdaughter in that apartment. I skulked punkily into my room and announced this development to my friends via email.
I briefly considered my options, thought it would be a good time to leave the city, wondered how I could get an apartment without strong finances on paper or a real 'job' or money for a security deposit and decided my best course of action was to get a place far away, like the last stop on the Q train to Whereversville, and write in a hermitage, accepting biweekly visitors when I was in the mood for it.
Then Olive came over to get me for the basketball game and she sat on my bed and suggested we get a place together.
But what will your Mom do, I asked.
She knows I have to go eventually, she responded. I mean she'll freak out, but it will be fine. Good. It's what I need to do.
Are you surrrreeeee, I said. I made my words extra long so that she'd know I meant it.
Yes, weirdo, haven't I been saying this forever, she said.
Who will clean up all the newspapers, I asked.
I'll go visit, she said. It's not that far. I already drive here almost every day.
Then we laughed a little bit, both thinking about how when we first met her; she'd told us she lived in a $1.5 million dollar apartment by the water in Hoboken when she'd actually lived in a condo with her Mom in a town an hour away the opposite direction, and how Stef had said she'd always wondered why Olive took the wrong highway to Hoboken after dropping Stef off. Well, that's what I was thinking about.
I hesitated.
She was on my bed.
I was standing by my black dresser, leaving my computer cave. I looked at the wall with a neutral facial expression. I looked at her face, blinking. I thought: Who could lie to me about this? Why lie to me about this? Like it's just stupid, only a total fucking psycho would do this and not mean it ... she's my friend right and I love her. She told us in April she would never lie again, she hasn't lied since ...
[or so we thought]
Weirdo, she insisted.
But I'm really annoying, I said. Like to live with.
I know, she said. I like how you live. We're always fine together.
Then I did it -- that thing you do in your brain when you close your eyes and leap quickly, like a sneaky spy, from doubt to faith, leaving reason gutted in the canal.
I'm serious that's what it is like exactly, that's not an analogy.
No. I didn't leap then.
It was after the basketball game when we were having dinner with Carly and Alex at Better Burger and Carly asked where I was going to live and I said Brooklyn or Queens and Olive said, "we're going to live together," and I said something about not being able to afford anything fancy and she said she would work it out which was her secret code phrase for "I'm going to fuck you up really bad for no reason," and I bit into my organic cheeseburger and chewed it and swallowed.
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There were only about 24 hours between me learning I had to move and Olive volunteering to get a place together. So I didn't really have time to consider or begin any other plans.
I do regret that.
All I can say is that it's hard to imagine someone who loves you would do anything so ridiculous for no reason, which is why you have to be careful who you love.
And who loves you.
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We decided to start looking in August for a September move-in date. She talked to her "finance guys" and gave me a budget way over mine. I said I couldn't do more than $800 a month, TOPS. She wanted something fancier — for her lease application she'd put "$15,000" as her monthly trust fund payout, which she claimed was being tightly controlled, thus her inability to spend it on things other than rent, like the window on her car that'd been broken since we met. We settled on a budget that would leave her paying twice what I paid, but it was what she wanted.
I was ready to start looking!
Then she got mono.
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So I looked for apartments without her.
Our first broker was clingy & awkward, a fully-grown man with geeky apologetics and an unseemly pubescent self-presentation. Olive & I began referring to him as "Milton," after the Office Space character who threatened to burn down the building if anyone moved his stapler or his desk one more time.
I texted her everything I saw as I saw it.
Olive would often tell me she was going to take a nap and then not take a nap. She had twitter. I knew.
I made videos of the apartments to show to Haviland & Olive and I made Milton talk crazy for her, and though he found a place I was good with, somehow Olive didn't dig it. Ultimately, Milton made me so uncomfortable and was so incompetent that we decided to go with another firm.
Olive didn't like Milton's offerings and nudged the price upwards for when I first met up with John on Riverside, in the upper 80's, on a block I'd always loved.
My proximity to the area of my childhood dreams vaulted my emotional resources into spheres of mental incapacity and total fantasy-play.
John was a roly-poly white-bearded freshman real estate agent with a family and an academic resumè.
"Olive has mono," I'd told John on our first day of trekking around Upper West Side two-bedrooms.
"Well, I hope she gives you a big thank you for this," John said, jovially, sweat dripping down his innocent professional face. "You're a good friend."
"Oh, she feels so guilty," I insisted. "Trust me."
I would've added that I was taking time off work to do this, but I didn't, because I already felt indebted to Olive because she'd agreed to pay more rent.
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We finally decided on our place on Friday, less than a week before move-in.
"It's not like a thousand dollars more, it's just a hundred dollars more," She said. "I mean, that's like one less Free City t-shirt a month or something it's not a big deal."
Of course not, of course it wasn't, like Monopoly money.
"That's like ten less t-shirts and a credit card finance charge a month for me," I joked to John because he'd overheard the conversation.
"She's a good friend," he said, and I believed him.
I stood in the apartment we had picked, on the top floor of a brutal sixth-floor walkup , looking at the high ceilings and imagining her and I in it; she who'd always let me be who I am, who was a calm force when I unfurled my worst, ugliest, meanest parcels, she stood there like a fucking TREE, and how magical our lives would be when we had windows this big and a view so lovely.
From there we would see everything, things we wanted to walk on, nothing we wanted to jump into, flaccid as rot.
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Alex came to meet John and see the apartment we'd chosen and then the three of us shared an awkward beer outside a shitty Mexican restaurant (I had a Coke) to go over the details and call Olive to ensure that her "financial guys" would send everything in on Monday and for me to give John a check for the application fee.
Milton kept calling, stubborn about losing us as clients, telling us the apartment I'd liked was still available.
I sent Olive a few emails about how excited I was about the future.
Her mono dragged on.
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Within weeks of when we first met in August 07, she'd seen my apartment and said "we need to get you out of here." She talked constantly about wanting to move me elsewhere, like I was a plant who needed more sunshine. But I liked being a plant, like the sad flowers in anti-depressant commercials. I liked something small and magical being able to fix me.
This place was going to change everything.
If Olive could change, and Olive had changed, anything was possible.
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After we'd decided on the place, I'd lied in my bed and dreamed, wondering how I'd gotten so lucky and thinking how I could parlay this into Excitant (the original idea, before Autostraddle 2.0 was born) b/c I'd have HQ right there, could assemble a staff, start looking for financing, finally live the dream.
It would be safe; I could enjoy the city free of the constant street hecklers so aggressive that I'd avoided leaving the apartment at all costs for the last year or so. Nearby art museums, gyms, libraries, the park, grocery .. I could walk to the grocery store, screw freshdirect & their fees! I'd do my own laundry & save money/back pain.
Haviland could come stay comfortably.
We'd have a deck party.
I'd keep working and save money and be able to start my own business that winter without stressing over the day-to-days.
All of this and no skin whatsoever off my best friend's back, and it had been her idea! I imagined being able to do things for people like Olive once did for all of us, and how she enabled me to do it for people too. I could even work in my new neighborhood if I wanted to, waitressing or something; there was nothing uptown that hired people like me.
A strange thing happens in New York to girls who let their brains get redeveloped into rows of tree-lined streets.
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Reader, things like that don't just happen to people! Life is not a fairy tale. Life is not even a YA Novel. Life is not a story. Life is what happens and stories are what happened.
This is a story. This is a real story where in the end no one gets what they want and everyone is tired.
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You should never assess life's possibilities by the stories anyone tells.
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The Monday of the week I had to move -- the last week of August -- she wrote me in the morning, about ten minutes before our "financial papers" were due to the broker's office.
I read the first line of her email and my blood turned to chlorine, and I knew the rest, and I knew nothing in it would be true, but it'd be up to me to figure out which parts provided me clues for what might happen next.
There were parts that were untrue, but printing & refuting them would be more for my own ego than for the benefit of the story.
I'll just give you the first paragraph and ask you to trust me about the rest, that you don't really want to see it:
this is difficult for me to even write, but it has to be done. i cannot move in with you in september. i realize that this is going to be a huge blow and a big fucking deal. i am not confused about it. i also for the first time in a long time need to take a step back and do what is best for me and not be worried about what everyone else is going to think ... i realize that this is going to put you in a tailspin, that this is going to change everything, and for that, every part of me is upset."
Unfortunately it was Milton who had the unlucky opportunity of emailing me only hours after Olive had emailed me to say she "couldn't" do it, an email cloaked — as her apologies for bailing out on giant things she herself had proposed often were — in blank, repetitive apologies, important words somehow phrased as coldly as plainly as possible. It was a broken record and we hated that fucking record.
I returned Milton's plea to allow him to show us more apartments with the brief, hard-as-a-hammer: Unfortunately Olive is no longer with us. Please stop emailing me, this is painful enough as is.
That's one of the ugly things I did that I wished I could take back right after revealing that I'd done that, like I had crossed some invisible line by treating my best friend like she was dead.
What are you so concerned about, I wanted to ask when my friends said that was a terrible thing to say. My karma? Because one hundred times zero is still zero.
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Blog Time Travel - What I Wrote/ What I Meant
August 24th, 2008: "hello commenters! it is me, tinkerbell. unfortunately riese is having a rough night, so i'll be stepping in for her and providing comment responses. please forgive me, i was born in 2008. Luckily I have a good memory of all things that happened before that time in the world."
Translation: Riese is sobbing and throwing things. She is yelling things she'll never remember saying. Her friends and her girlfriend are trying so hard to stay above water, they are angels, practically, and when her friends leave and she is finally alone she just wants to cry silently at the window, eat cigarettes, tear sheets in half and slice her thigh wide open with a dull kitchen knife. She wants to listen to Handel and pound her chest until her heart falls out of it. She wants to write emails and unwrite them. So many possible words to throw up on anyone with a mouth open for poetry.
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I posted again on August 26th, trying to sound alive, and even dropping a factoid no-one ever noticed I'd said, back then.
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August 28th, 2008: I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing. The first stop is a storage unit. The next stop is a couch, I guess, and then another couch. It's cool, I like sleeping on couches. I am so sad right now I'm sorry I can't do this. This typing thing, the exclamation points. Waa. I am lucky to have so many good friends though they are such beautiful souls, we all need to meditate together on the balcony by the waves wink wink.
Translation: Motherfucker, I don't got nowhere to live, and it's your fault. You're not helping me move, like you totally would even if we weren't living together. You're not helping me find a place. You're not even being nice to me, or giving me money for the storage I need to get 'cause you fucked me up. I will fuck your shit up, you fucking motherfucker.
You're lucky I have so many good friends who have helped me get on my feet and packed for me and stopped me from chasing you down with a SuperSoaker and doing some serious damage, also, they cleaned up your mess. You owe them an apology too -- Alex is your friend, you are doing this to her too. Thank God for her and for everyone. You'll never have friends this good. Oh wait. You did.
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Sep-01-08: "I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but sometimes when I trust someone else with gravity it's like my heart looks at me and is like, "really?" and then before I can answer it goes, it flutters away like the happiest bird of all time. It goes before I answer, like it has wings I'd never noticed before, I'd just thought "what nice shoulder blades you have."
Translation: You let me depend. Fuck you.
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Sep-12-08: the first rule of autowin club is / don't talk about bliss or / you'll knock it right over.
Translation: You promised me things I didn't want. You gave me bliss when I would've settled for a a"will to live." You can't just do that to a person. I mean it you can't just do that to someone, you can't dangle bliss before them, then turn it into a knife and disappear. You just can't do that to people. See, they'll never trust again.
Translation: We're always changing, it doesn't bother me to say.
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Haviland and I are driving through Los Angeles, still thinking about it, about everything, all the stories we never told you.
Me: "We just didn't think anyone would do that to another person ... we can talk about the clues --"
Haviland: "And there were things that seemed off, but just -- why? Why would she do that?"
Me: "It's just out of the realm of what humans actually like --DO."
Haviland: "Like it was always her idea, her plan --"
Me: "And why?"
Haviland: "No reason. There was never any reason."
It turned out her asshattery during the move-out period was just her buying some time, because she couldn't afford to help out. She couldn't move a box, and she wasn't sick, and maybe even hadn't ever been. She was unable to do what anyone who backs out of a roommate situation last minute for their own reasons should do, especially if you'd been the one in charge of the actual "moving" part to begin with.
My other best friends were doing all those things, yet the best friend who'd put me in the situation was at home on her couch, sitting on her trust fund.
Truth was she was broke.
Why did she ask for us to live together? Why did she ask me to waste five weeks making that plan happen? Why didn't she at least come clean when bailing out?
Why?
Because she's crazy. That's the beginning and the heart-numbing end of it.
The story goes on before this, and after. I mean stories that still blow our minds when we re-tell them. Just one person, who we honestly loved and enjoyed to have in our lives, what that did to our lives, and how we fought to keep her, or what we thought was her.
All I want is for the scars to heal and, knowing that they never will, want to go forward free of them, somehow, and wondering, still, now, as I write this, if I will ever be that person I used to be in February of 2007 (if I want to be) before anything ever happened, wondering if that person was always meant to be this person
Forever ago I asked you to ask me questions and you did and I answered a whole bunch of them but not all of them. The comments are open this time in case you have any feelings you want to share. We feel our feelings, you know? True story. Feel the warm. Share your feelings.
I have been working on an actual blog post, about last year. It's annoying b/c I have to figure out how to stop being so preemptively defensive of myself when I write my stories. I'm banging this shell.
With most problems (e.g., being too judgey of myself) I can recognize the problem and then consequently begin to fix it through awareness or at least be aware that I am not fixing it, but this retrospective self-doubt I feel while writing is hard to fix! Probs doesn't help that somehow everyone I've dated has been super judgey about my Lives Before Them. Not my ex-boyfriend Christopher. He was more present-tense critical, but also didn't really ever know who I was. We lived together in an apartment and he liked his socks folded together in pairs instead of wrapped or tied together b/c he said that made them last longer even if it took up too much space in our dresser. Also his Mom did crack while he was in the womb. So he barely remembered his own past, let alone mine, though he had an incredible recall for sports statistics. I always felt sad for him imagining that his Mom probably named him Christopher 'cause she was too cracked out to think of a more original name. She had other kids with names like that, like John.
Now, dating girls, there's the part of my past where I dated boys. Apparently this is very frightening to everyone, and will probably cause global warming, which doesn't exist.
Anyhow onto the rest of the questions!!!
autumn asked: Is it weird that I am actually considering investing in autostraddle? In a big way? Like I actually thought about it a few months ago. Thoughts?
It's perfectly natural! Do it. Imogen asked: Do have have any advice on dealing with straight guys who are turned on by lesbianism? I came out two months ago and the level of attention I get when I'm with my girlfriend (not even making out or any kind of PDA) is really incredible, both from my guy friends and from randomers. I don't really know what to do about it and it's making me really uncomfortable.
I don't know what to do besides act totally uninterested ... it's a problem, I know. With your friends you should call them out, say, why do you think our relationship is for your entertainment, I don't think your relationships are for my entertainment. The first girl I ever really was out with in public acting girlfriend-ish (tho we weren't girlfriends, just dating) was tall & blonde like me -- obvs way hotter than me, too, and when we were out the heckling felt flattering at first b/c I was young and not mean yet, but eventually I came to feel it was aggressive and unwelcome and made me feel rage-y. I don't know if she cared or noticed. It was like that with the next few girls I dated too who were all very girly. It pissed me off, but I didn't know what to do.
My first girlfriend was super masculine, and we rarely got harassed in that way. I've found that to be generally true w/more boyish girls. So my advice would be to get a butch girlfriend.
Ignore them. I used to talk back to strangers, don't do that. Anonymous asked:What's your favorite gum?
Trident Splash Kiwi-Strawberry. Cat asked:I wish I'd come to your blog in the early days when only a couple of people commented. I feel like you couldn't have more people commenting and queueing for a shot at befriending you- it's like American Idol auditions in here. Regardless, I think your writing is beautiful and nerve-raw painful, your writing reminds me of 'swimming pool' by freezepop, which tears my heart apart. I hope that you finish your novel, the world needs it.
A: "Swimming Pool" by Freezepop is the song I listen to when I can't write and need help. It gives me lots of feelings. The first time I listened to it on repeat on my headphones while drinking wine I wrote this and I have been trying to recreate that moment every day since.
Thank you. I hope I do too. It's hard to focus now while we're in the start-up period of Autostraddle. I think once things are in order financially and my life is more structured, it will be easy to complete. Every time I look at it I keep writing and writing. But then there's so much else to do! a? asked: In general, do you think some people are evil or that we just have different views on right and wrong? Do you think a person could act a certain way without justifying it to themselves at some level?
No, I don't, but the methods by which people justify acts to themselves are often unspeakable. I don't think people are inherently evil, I think some people are inherently mentally ill beyond help. But if that makes them act evil, then what do we call that, you know?
Like George W. Bush, he's as close to evil as I've seen in action. But I think he's actually just really stupid, and therefore easily manipulated by people who just want money & power. So I think money & power are evil. I want money & power though, because if it's out there then some good people should get some.
Have you read Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro? No
Do you draw/write on your hands/other body parts? I used to write everything on my hands. I do now sometimes. I used to draw all over myself in pen, and on my shoes too, but mostly on my ankles and my hands and my inner arm and other people's hands. I used to always have something on my hand but then stopped when I had to look more professional than that. Sometimes I will lightly pen 'TP' on my hand to remind myself about picking up toilet paper on the way home.
Anonymous asked:Which is your favorite judy blume novel? Just as Long As We're Together (was my favorite Judy Blume novel, I imagine in retrospect I might chose otherwise?)
Please do more vlogs. they rock my world slightly. I used to respond to this question with "i'd love to, but I cannot afford to get to LA where my partner in vlogger lives!" but guess what, my friends listened and they got me a ticket to LA for my birthday. so your wish will come true! a?:would you rather have ridiculous sized boob and butt implants and plastic stripper style hair extensions and wear a ho outfit for the rest of your life, or be required to give a weekly lapdance to a mystery person from your past every 3 months?
Weekly lapdance for sure. Honey, the things I've done
What are the traits you admire most in other people? Generosity, Intelligence, humility, social skills, ambition, forgiveness, open-mindedness, confidence.
How long will it be now? five miles Aimee asked:What do you think about the whole idea of 'gaydar'? truth. well, i believe in "open to homosexual experience-dar"
Why do you think that lesbians are so drawn to tattoos and that lots of us get them? Like even super femmey girls?
the super femmey girls get super femmey tattoos tho I find, which's funny.
I think some younger boys can be super judgey and girls sometimes make choices they think boys will like.
I think we're less likely to be still close to parents or a church that would object.
I think we're more likely to affiliate with alternative culture and its markings.
I think we're more prepared to continually be faced by people who dont like what they see, so what's a tattoo? The Passenger asked:
1. What do you think of the new Tiësto featuring Tegan and Sara track "Feel It In My Bones"? i love everything they do
2. What's your opinion of today's American education system? it's a disgrace, it's segregation, we should be ashamed of ourselves. I think we need to respect teachers as a profession more than we do. it's one of many problems festering in a country where some people think they are just better than other people and deserve more than other people, which is fundamentally false. i have sooooo many opinions on this, i can't even begin! Savage Inequalities, read it!
I wrote a blog post and said to ask questions in The Comments and now I have created this blog post where I will answer every question that you asked me in The Comments/Commons from the 'other blog post.' This blog post has its comments 'turned off' to encourage you to go to the other blog post if you want to 'comment' or 'ask a question.' Also I will be honest. 1. from cycnet: What weakness drives your urge to write? An inability to relax/"enjoy life"/"not overanalyze everything, including society itself"/"have fun for the sake of fun" like it seems other people do/are able to. Also sadness & nostalgia.
1a. What dreams lead you toward bright joy? Dreams of "having fun for the sake of fun"
1b. from cycnet: ALSO why does your blog try to make my browser set so many be-damned cookies? I will have to ask Tess about that. 2. from amy: Is A.S. as fulfilling as you hoped it would be? Not yet I don't think that I think of "hope" as a word that can be said in past tense. I like to Hope Big. 3. from rachel: Out of postcolonialism, post-structuralism, and postmodernism, which would you say is your favorite? Post-modernism.
3a. Would you like to elaborate on that? I never knew a colonial, structures are forever, modernism is so over it needs a whole new word for modernism. i suggest 'postmodernism' 4. from rachel: do you read movie reviews when deciding whether to see them? Yes but I never actually see them, I just have Opinions about every movie that has come out, I prefer actually to read "feminist analysis" of movies before not seeing them, so I can have lots of reasons why not to see them if it comes up in conversation.
I used to think movie reviews were always wrong but now I think I just used to like bad movies.
If I am reading a movie review for a movie I might want to see and the review is really good then I will stop reading it so that I will be more excited to see it and then actually go see a movie. 5. from jo: How's life? worth it 6. from kc danger: i want to you know what you think of emily choo. where's my postcard
i think emily choo is a very bright, 'poetically inclined' girl who pays attention to everything and knows almost everything (the point of stuff, how to read, how beautiful things feel, how scary things feel, etc) but doesn't believe/accept/realize yet that she knows almost everything. it's actually better that way because she'll keep wanting to know more stuff. i think of emily choo as a "girl we like" and i "feel she is kickass" and that she "has a name that sounds cool so we like to say it as much as possible." and "i feel personally i would be sad if emily choo was really sad." i also 'feel like i am stoned right now' and 'probably talking crazy' while 'consciously writing in a style reminiscent of the Great Tao Lin'
actually you know what's funny i think kc danger & emily choo sound like partners in some sort of Vaguely-PanAsian (*like the cuisine) Lesbian Crime Drama. In the first scene kc danger & emily choo are still kids and emily choo witnesses kc danger jumping out her window b/c kc danger can already fly and emily choo witnesses it. in like the third season of the show there could be a flying scene to tegan & sara songs. they'll have more songs by then and more to choose from. i just think you guys have cool names. someone cartoon recap my show, brooke put that in the business plan. 7. from vashti - In a recent email exchange between me and several other autostraddlers, Alex referred to me as "Vash." I was caught off guard a little because, while it is one of my nicknames, people don't usually use it. Is this what you guys call me on a regular basis?
no i've never heard it before, but it rhymes with "mosh," which is funny (UPDATE: SHE SAYS IT RHYMES WITH 'BASH' WHICH ISN'T FUNNY).
7a. What is your earliest memory? i remember being at the childrens center in maybe the coat room or something, i remember i had a red coat, there were a lot of people around me and i felt weird 7b. When I write you emails, why do I always feel the need to end them with "lalala!" or "wheeeee!"? maybe cause i do it too? i think it makes stuff that might seem 'serious' or 'boring' to be 'not serious' or 'fun' or just to remind the person you are emailing that you like to have fun. 8. from jordan:
(i assume you are talking about the popular conception of "celebrity" here btw, like that poets don't count even though they should)
8a. what celebrity have you met that totally rocked your world? - rosie o'donnell
8b. what celebrity have you met that didn't? (i feel like i might have to say that i don't think i can answer that ... hm.) 8c. who would you still like to meet? - amy sedaris!!!! -- rachel maddow ... isn't this weird? I can't think of anyone, i feel stumped kinda. I mean I get scared to meet writers that I love b/c it just seems like too much or like that's not how it's meant to be, or like it just seems pointless to meet most people, but like having a conversation, that would be another story. there's no actors i'd want to meet. adam lambert! barack obama, for sure. probs no one i totally love 'cause that's like a lot at stake, but rawr still thinking ------- i like meeting comedians the most 'cause if i can make them laugh or joke with me it makes me feel really cool. ellen. robin williams. jim carrey! why havent i ever thought about this question?
8d. what's your favorite cereal? raisin bran
8e. when do you plan on coming to chicago? i don't plan on coming to chicago really ever, but i am sure that i will, because that's where the wind blows! and probs will do Autostraddle World Tour. 9. from lex: how would you solve the California budget problem. Arnold keeps asking me on twitter.
I think they should do away with the Scientologists, seize all of their money, especially the money from the closeted celebrities who give money to the Scientologists to protect them from beng outed, and put that directly into the holes in the budget. I feel like they must be doing something illegal and if not we can just like make an ammednment to the constitution like the mormons did about us. Then I'd legalize gay marriage and legalize prostitution, start getting income taxes from prostitutes, have a gay wedding industry, make it easier for gay parents to adopt foster kids, save money there with kids in the system who will never be adopted or who get fucked up and become criminals, and then whatever we need after that arnold should just give to the state. Why not. He has a lot of money so. If he runs out then he can just print out the rest.
9a. Um...if you could write a letter to yourself that you had to open in ten years, what would it say?
dear riese,
you don't know anything!
love mr.delp 10. from brooke: Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? absolutely not. you can't have your cake and eat your cracker too.
10a. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? yes
10b. When day breaks who fixes it? apollo
11c. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? enough to set the world on fire 12. from crystal: Who is your favourite Australian, me or Portia? crystal 13. from saint modesto: what is your favorite stephen dunn poem and what do you think 'those of us who think we know' is about?
a) i have too many favorite stephen dunn poems. this is hard! - too many! essay on the personal, loves, beautiful women, how to be happy: another memo to myself, after making love, grudges, happiness, the answers, privilege, night truths, oh wow really i could just go on forever
b) the first time i read "those who think we know" my friend sarah gave it to me and said, "this poem always makes me think of eric" who is the boy she was dating at the time. i think i read it and felt i understood that it was about two people deeply in love who feel connected to each other and have the same way of seeing the world and try not to feel disjointed when they aren't on the same page sometimes and that when they "make love" it is familiar and comforting. as i've lived additional years since then it has meant a lot of different things. sometimes i get hung up on the shy horses-->tongues. sometimes i get it mixed up in my mind with "some things i wanted to say to you." maybe they are written about the same person.
it is about getting IT and feeling someone else is getting IT too and still being sad sometimes, because words are often lovely and all we have. 14. from lynne:"do you think you'd ever re-locate out of nyc?" yes
14a. what is better, white rice or brown rice? white rice
14b. if you got to pick (create a new) a college class that everyone would be forced to take, what would it be/why? "you could like poetry if you just read contemporary poetry 101" or "the science of being gay"
14c. did you know I had a gathering and a bunch of people saw my autostraddle sticker and asked me about it this weekend? yaaaay!! NOW I DO AND I SAY that is awesome 15. from debs: if you could be friends with three muppets, which ones would you choose and why? 1. Elmo - my whole life I've wanted to be friends with elmo. we have a lot in common. it'd be a dream come true. 2. Kermit - he is friends with all the other muppets so it would be good for networking, we have 'similar outlooks' on life, possibly suffer from both depression & optimism, he's very bright and interested in the world like me. 3. Animal - BEAT DRUMS! BEAT DRUMS! WO-MAN! 16. from hombre hombre: what part of the city do you live in? what's your favorite part of the city? My Mom & Haviland say I'm not supposed to tell people where I live but I will tell you that it's uptown near Columbia which is actually one of my favorite parts of the city.
I also like Chelsea. 17. from nicole: How do you feel when you find out about people like Lauren Conrad getting 3 book book deals for obscene amounts of money over talented people such as yourself?
I get nervous that she won't earn out on her advance, and then the publishing house will lose money and not be able to afford publishing books by actually talented writers. In general anyone selling a lot of books is a good thing for the industry -- every DaVinci Code enables publishers to be able to take risks on more literary writers. But there's this self-destructive thing happening where houses get into bidding wars with huge advances for publicity, which means LC has to earn back her advance before she gets royalties or the publisher profits. So the obscene book deals make me nervous/upset, but if her books become bestsellers then that's actually okay with me.
17a. what would you do if you were ever offered money to have this blog turned into a movie in the way that julia & julie movie has done?
i would say "yes" but hopefully someone else would write the screenplay, mine would be too long and have voiceovers, no-one likes voiceovers. money is good, you can do good things with it. 18. anonymous asked: I was wondering about you and haviland: what are your skincare regimens? what products do you use w/r/t makeup/skin/hair? do you have any makeup tips etc. lame question but enquiring minds want to know.
I can ask Haviland if she wants to divulge her 'beauty secrets,' all i know is her skincare routine is serious, takes a lot of time that she could be spending 'playing with my hair,' sometimes sometimes she tells me things like ' you are going to have to start using under-eye cream hoo-ha soon because of aging.'
Probs you are asking about me to know what to avoid here we go
- makeups: When I wasn't broke I had nicer stuff (M.A.C., philosophy, urban decay, etc) but now I use mostly covergirl (black/brown eyeliner, concealer, mascara) and pick eyeshadow shades, blush and lipgloss based on what's on sale. If I want to be fancy i use revlon skinlights highlighter which's no longer sold in stores. I cannot keep lipstick on my lips for the life of me, Alexi from "Alexi's Closet" says I need nicer lipstick so I am waiting for her to buy that for me. - skin: Aveeno facewash in the shower every morning/afternoon and Aveeno face moisturizer. I actually go to sleep with makeup on, which horrifies Haviland. - hair: I wash it every day with whichever color-protecting/straightening shampoo & conditioner is on sale, then put biosilk silk therapy in the wet hair, then blowdry, then flat-iron, then put in shortsexyhair "slept in" texture cream, then obsess all day.the obsessing is the part that makes it look extra good.
I don't know if I can give tips since everyone in my life is always telling me I'm 'doing something wrong' with my makeup which I blame on my androgynous hippie upbringing. But if you want to straighten your hair, i recommend biosilk 19. Anonymous asked: will there be more vlogs soon? i miss the vlogs, especially the advice column. We love making vlogs too and we do want to do more! But with me in NYC and Haviland in LA it's out of my budget to get both of us in the same place at the same time, unfortunately. Mmm, donate to the vlog travel fund to make magic happen. We are hoping to be able to make it to LA in August and if we do there will be more vlogs fo'sho! 20. Anonymous asked: You list one of your interests as being 'time-management' How do you beat procrastination and achieve the most with your time? i am interested in learning how to manage time if someone has tips. mostly i beat procrastination by having more things to do than there are hours in the day so i am both always doing things and always not doing other things, also i like the things i do usually so i want to do them, this would be different if i had a 'job at an office' and we weren't in a 'recession' also sometimes i procrastinate and stay up til 5am. 21. Olivia asked: Your work on autostraddle means you must spend a lot of your time online, and that including leisure time spent online must add up. I am online a lot too, which I enjoy, but I can't help feeling like I am not outside living my life in the sunshine. Do you ever feel this guilt? Yes constantly in nice seasons, i wish i at least had a balcony or porch. i do go to the gym (walk there and back) or take a walk every day though but it's not enough. i don't like being indoors & inactive for so much of the day, but i like what i do so I am ok with it.
21a. Also what do you think of facebook? Good or evil i'm personally not that 'into facebook' but i think it is good because of 'ambient intimacy' but i worry that it takes away mysteries from children. 22. Anonymous asked: sidenote: i like this ongoing Q&A Can we do again sometime? yes, i like it too.
22a. RE: my use of sidenote. do you mind it when people pick up your turn of phrase/most used expressions?
no, i don't mind i like it b/c i like picking up other people's expressions, so it's spreading the love 23. techty asked: I can't sleep. Any advice for beating insomnia? we discuss ithere, i recommend narcotics & a white noise machine/fan and a stuffed animal and anti-anxiety medication
23a. Do you like Flannery O'Conner? I have been on a Southern writer kick lately. yes i do, mr. johnson told me she was his favorite writer and he was my favorite teacher and a good male english teacher with a female favorite writer is hard to find 24. Anonymous asked: What are the least destructive ways to improve your mood? going to the gym, doing something charitable or kind, riding a bike, running, reading autostraddle
24a. Do you ever feel embarrassed at having so much personal info online? i.e., people from the past googling you and going 'hello feelings!' yes i do, but i am not embarrassed about my life so i feel 'ok' about it.
24b. Do you worry about aging? yes i am worried about getting uglier 25. Anonymous asked: Are you going to see Antichrist? is that tila tequila's new show? 26. Anonymous asked: Top 10 celebrities you would like to know bibilically. You can do it top 5 boys and top 5 girls if it makes it easier!
[TBA/BRB on this one] [why i am i so bad with celebrity questions?] [will add as i think of them] - 1. Jessica Biel, 2. Angelina Jolie 'cause she'd be good at bed, 3. Jenny Shimizu, 4. Brian Kinney, 5. Gina Gershon, 6.ddurrr BRB I DUNNNNOOOOOOO I don't think I want to sleep with any celebrities!
26a. If you could switch looks with any celebrity who would you pick? Angelina Jolie
-first i get on the elliptical, write emails on my bberry, read magazines, watch teevee, for about 20-30 minutes, then the stairmaster for 10-20 minutes usually reading things i cant read on the elliptical 'cause the type is tinier.
-then i go do like three minutes of ab exercises and then I get bored, or will do one leg machine and get bored and tell myself i have to rush home for some reason, work myself into a 'tizzy', do the inner/outer thigh machines half-assed, tell myself i can do crunches at home, and leave (i never do crunches at home).
if i'm listening to a good episode of 'this american life' i can do more weights/stretching.
27a. What did you eat yesterday? -a jimmy dean low-fat breakfast sandwich & espresso w/cream -iced latte -made at home a salad with garden-burger, balsamic vinagrette, goat cheese, portobello mushrooms and a gigantic roll -mcdonald's chicken selects & french fries -mcdonald's ice cream sundae 28. Anonymous Asked: On a scale of 1 to amazing, how good a kisser is Alex? probs google plex 29. Anonymous Asked: How did you meet Haviland? I had this friend T who I met on craigslist in '05, she was looking for bi/gay friends to go out with. This is before I understood the internet or used it very much. T met L on craigslist too, we all became friends. Meanwhile Haviland met L on friendster, and L showed me Haviland's profile once and I was like "she looks like a super-pretty and probs cheesy musical theater person I'd never hang out with in 500 years." L & Hav hung out a few times and were sorta-friends, L talked about Hav a lot.
In April '06 L organized a game night to play Cranium at my apartment in Brooklyn for herself and these two random girls and she somehow got Haviland to come to meet me & Hav was consciously attempting to socialize with people outside of theater so she went.
We just hit it off pretty much and made each other laugh. We bonded over the Delia*s catalog and started talking all the time on AIM, she lived near my office, and the rest is history ... here's photos from that night:
30. moscow asked: do you worry about what impact having a gay mom will have on your kids, if you end up with a woman/decide to have kids? In terms of bullying/fitting in etc. I guess you have an interesting perspective on this.
i left home a few months after my mom came out so i didn't have that experience butttt i know no matter what i do with my life I will be living in a super-liberal area/neighborhood & it'll be "the future" so probs the kids will get hate crime detention for saying bad gay things.
i grew up in a good place but most ppl I've loved/known since then have really fucked up parents who have done fucked up things to them so I think gay parenting vs. opposite parenting puts kids between a rock & a hard place. or between a bunny rabbit and a puppy. 31. Bren asked: If someone has a dream of something they want to do, but it seems really hard, next to impossible at times, and maybe even too late, what would you tell them?
If someone still wants to do it despite all of those things then someone will do it. 32. Anonymous asked: what gets you out of bed in the morning when the world can seem so bad?
fear of how much harder it will get if i don't get out of bed. sometimes 'nothing,' 'responsibilities' or 'coffee.' 33. Anonymous asked: Should you hang out with people you don't particularly connect with just to kill time and 'have friends' you could point to if asked? :(
don't do anything that gets in the way of your hopes/dreams/desires or hinders you from getting what you want in life, like happiness if you want that. if you are in high school though probs just best to have friends. also i don't know. 34. Coraline asked: It would be great to live in a world where it was ok to be a girl and eat whatever you like and still get laid, people argue that we should, but in many cases this is just theoretical-- everyone food restricts, no matter what their feminist position is. No-one wants to look like Beth Ditto, refreshing as I find her attitude. How do you think, as women, we can overcome this?
I don't know if we can overcome it in the Western World.
If we ever do, men will need to participate in the overcoming too, especially overcoming their false expectations of what a naked woman looks like.
but these things would help: 1. go to third world countries and take a look at how lucky we are to have food at all let alone choices of foods, and how lucky we are to have thighs let alone skinny thighs 2. stop perpetuating the idea that it's effortless to maintain a certain weight 3. no more womens magazines or tv or celeb-magazines most of all 4. airbrushing should be illegal 5. women speaking about other womens bodies in a derogatory way -- including criticizing celebrities or characters on the l word -- is completely unacceptable and women who engage in this should be trapped in a vat of alfredo sauce for life. 35. Anonymous Asked: Last text you received? "i'm hungers!"
35b. Last text you sent? "i'm coming home do u need any foods or coffees or drinks or anything?"
35c. Favourite vlog on afterellen- apart from Alexi's Closet! i actually don't watch any vlogs, i like to read the articles! I'm a reader! Well, I did watch Cat on the Prowl when Haviland was in it, and I watched one episode of She's Making me Watch It when SW & her girlfriend and another girl tore Gimme Sugar a new asshole, which was good. Does Liz Feldman count? I like Shane!
35d. Are you bummed that you are too hot for Sarah Warn to handle when you so obviously should be offered a vlog? Hey hey hey don't make any assumptions, Sarah Warn calls me every day to tell me how hot we are, obvs and how next year the hot 100 will be just photos of haviland and tinkerbell. See I hatehatehate seeing my face on video and being on the screen so I only put out vlog-style for 1. my webiverse, 2. my friends, 3..cold hard cash. 36. Anonymous asked: What lesbian books/celebrities/celebrity crushes/films/trends/music/hairstyles/fashions do you not like or get? i don't like cats, vlogs, the teevee show "alias," and i am going to say this and it is not going to go over well but i don't get why everyone has it hard for tina fey. i think she's super funny and super beautiful and stuff but I just don't feel for her what everyone else seems to feel and secretly iveneverbeenabletogetinto30rock. Lucy Lawless. Actually ... I am more often the person defending lesbian stuff no-one else likes anymore, like Ani. 37. from Anonymous: Guilty pleasures?
Intervention, Teen Vogue, musical theater soundtracks, videos of performances of various musicals, America's Next Top Model marathons 38. From Heather: Autostraddle is AMAZING. I've kept up with it since day one. What exciting features are you looking to add in the near future?
Did Brooke pay you to ask that question? thanks! redesign! redesign will change everything! gonna have content that dictates format instead of vice versa so everything will be totally different except the good stuff will stay the same! more contests and ways to communicate more with readers if they want and i predict a million comments a day, and fashion/style coverage! more tech & gadgetry! more books! more political stuff! i could go on forever. if there's anything in particular you think we need then you let us know! 39. mon asked:
a. do you believe in heaven and/or hell? no
a.i. what do you think of religious leaders casting us willy-nilly to the dark corners of hell, how will anyone ever be happy in heaven all together??!? i think they are taking one book way too seriously and should probs read stephen dunn new & collected poems instead
b.i. have you read naomi klein's 'the shock doctrine'? no i read some reviews of it instead
i'm only halfway through but already freaked the fuck out like 3 billion times, i mean the whole thing is about a potential GFC and look at us now.. that scares me i might get too passionate if i read it
b.ii. what have you been reading recently? Every single magazine that exists, Dorothy Allison's Trash, The HuffPo Guide to Blogging and Tao Lin's bed
c. what flavour was the cough syrup of your childhood? it was cherry, i hate cherry flavored everything
c.i. do you now like or dislike that artificial flavour? i hated it but when i was 20 i started drinking entire bottles of bubble gum cough syrup every night and i liked that kind 40.saint modesto asked: Pancakes or waffles? I like waffles better. i like chocolate chip pancakes, or blueberry pancakes or waffles with bananas 41. kimpanzee asked: what was your favorite cartoon as a kid? muppet babies (also the only one we were allowed to watch, but i think it really was the best) 41. emily asked: 41a. What real 'drunken night' story would you tell at your first AA meeting? i am having a hard time picking just one: waking up in brooklyn at the straight girl's not knowing where i was or how to get back and she was upstairs with her boyfriend? the night of knives and the black-eye back in michigan, this is a good question, omg so many. wow maybe I should go to AA. i might have to really think it over.
41b. Have you ever been a victim of homophobia? yes
41c. Do you leave the house without make-up? only if i am not traveling outside a one block radius, like going to the corner store.
41d. how soon into meeting someone do you tell them you are bi? lately; sometimes never. with boys it comes up sooner, i think, but i don't probs have enough guy friends lately.
41eCan you get haviland and a;ex to do q and a's too? :) yes! haviland says: "Please email all questions to me at teachmehaviland@hotmail.com." AND you can email alex at alex@autostraddle.com with questions if you want! 42. Anonymous asked: If you could choose one food to have zero calories what food would it be? french fries
42a. would you rather be 20 stone for the rest of your life or stay the size you are (maybe losing, maybe gaining as you grow older) but sacrfice the sense of taste? i don't know what 20 stone means in your language but it sounds bad like STONES WAAAA so i am going to go for keeping my size. 43. Anonymous asked:
what's your favourite ...
lyric: "and maybe you can keep me from ever being happy, but you're not gonna stop me from having fun." (ani)
film quote: "Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on." (johnny depp, "blow")
t.v. quote: "You're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you." -Rickie, My So-Called Life
inspirational quote "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth." -Rumi
quote that a friend of yours has said "really riese really?" "your little baby mind can't handle this"
nicest compliment you have ever gotten? oh wow!hmmmm probs when alex said i wasn't 'terrible' at guitar hero. probs when my writing teacher told my mom at my h.s graduation that regardless of my talent relative to the other kids (most were mind-blowingly good, i haven't been amongst producers of so much kickass writing in a while -- they were better than me is what i am saying) that of everyone, he knew I'd defo "make it" because I would know how to do something popular or current, like that i had my finger on the pulse. that was so nice!!! so far it hasn't been true, but the future is bright! 44. Marnie asked:Hey Riese! I have several questions:
-> What's your type? boyish girls and girlish boys. but also i like girls who are girly if they are curvy, like girls who are a little bigger than ScarJo, who dress cute. Confident.
-> Does T.B. mind what is written about her on the blog? yes. but she's not "TB" anymore, we sort of separated that out as her psychosis-name, now she's herself; healthy & stable & etc. so there's a real distance from that stuff. i'm sure she'd be very happy if i erased all of it, but she wouldn't ask me to.
-> Does it annoy you that harry potter/twilight are bestsellers? it annoys me that twilight is a bestseller because it promotes a hidden Mormon Agenda via its books 'cause Stephanie Meyer is a serious Mormon.. harry potter is good for the industry, for people to be excited about books
-> Isn't Angelina Jolie as annoying as she is hot? No I don't think she is annoying
-> What's on your nightstand? the book "wetlands" which i'll never actually be able to read, "the heart is a lonely hunter," a pen, tweezers, glass from the lamp alex broke, scissors, a book nerve sent me called "smut" that i haven't opened yet.
-> Favourite hitchcock film? vertigo
-> How many people call you riese and how many call you marie? it's about half and half, everyone in my life now says riese except for natalie. in my family or in michigan, it's Marie except my Mom calls me Ree-Ree 45. Anonymous asked How long is your middle finger : 3.75 inches
How much do you weigh? 125 lbs
How tall are you? 5'10 man these are getting personal! kazam.
46.Nicole asked: Do you think Kate Moennig will ever declare herself publicly?
i don't think she needs to, she lives an openly gay lifestyle, probs it will be addressed directly publicly one day when she wants to get married to a woman.
46b. Who is your guess for next celeb to come out? Ellen Page, Your Mom, John Travolta or Lady Sovereign 47. Duck asked: How happy does Autostraddle (and the Team and Intern Army) make you? The Team & The Intern Army make my heart swell into a flower of devotion & happiness. So the happiest I've ever been, you could say.
47a. When will Autostraddle have an office? Oh, duck, I wish I knew! Soon I hope! Ask brooke. :-) 48. SA Anon asked: If you could go anywhere is Africa, where would it be? Tanzania/Kenya, I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro like my Dad did 49. Anonymous asked: How do you earn your money without a 9/5? I don't earn any money But I have a 9-to-midnight called autostraddle 50. Meghan asked: Are you and Haviland a couple? no
51a. if afterellen offered you a vlog, would you say yes? i'm a banana!
51b. do you get annoyed when people who read your blog try to talk to you in real life? no, it's not annoying 52. Scottish Lilt asked: My first question: if you weren't writing and keeping this awesome website afloat (with the help of The Team), what would you be doing? I've honestly been thinking about this question for the last four hours and I don't know. Thinking about doing something else is like imagining being another person. All my freelance income sources/jobs either ended or had to let me b/c of the recession around the same time Autostraddle started sucking up 22 hours of every day.
that being said, there was a plan b we'd joke/think about: Completely vanish from the internet -- facebook, autowin, my website, autostraddle, the vlogs, everything, remove myself without word or warning -- and replace autowin's url with a link to where you could buy a self-published book through Lulu that contained my entire blog in it. if anyone bought it i could use that money to move somewhere more affordable than NYC and start a new life without blog/web-related employment issues. Perhaps work in an office and go to school to get a teaching certificate.
then every night i would get into bed, eat a pop tart, read a novel from the hinterlands, and cry myself to sleep. but everyone would be so proud of me for being sensible!
52b. do you find it easier to express yourself through written word than you do speaking face-to-face with someone? yes i used to be sure of this, now i am not so sure. i think sometimes face to face is much better. i am re-discovering the values of faces-to-faces.
53b. this one's for Tinkerbell: Hello Tinkerbell it is me Scottish Lilt. Have you ever worn spectacles? I think you'd suit them. hello scottish lilt is is me tinkerbell. i have not worn spectacles because i am unable to visit spectacle stores. however one of my eyes is going to fall out and i feel spectacles would be perhaps help my situation before i am blind as a batton. thank you very much love tinkerbell. 54. poppy asked: I like your photoshoots. Did you do them for the blog? thanks! which photoshoots? i dont think i've ever done a photoshoot "for my blog" unless you count the calendar shoots? or maybe you are talking about something else, like robin's photoblog or something possibly. idunno 55. Autumn asked: Do you think Autumn is amazing? explain your answer. I think autumn is very amazing. she is brave and smart and engaged and strong and funny and also a very good artist for real. every day i wear a monster on my finger and think of autumn. 56. Anomyous asked: when and where is the next party? in kc danger's pants! 57. why is cheese so expensive? because it's so good and everything i like costs too much also because of cows 58. Anonymous asked: I'm a hetero male who thinks you are cute. Where can I see the sexiest picture of you? i feel like you aren't who you say you are anyway alex thinks i should say this 59.Anonymous asked: What happened to Cait/Caitlin? this question makes my stomach hurt, this. 60. Anonymous asked: Can you put up your picture from the sexiest blogger calender? I think you are hot this is weird! there it's there on the right 61. Nicole asked: you wear black nails in lots of your pics, whats with that? it's because my nails are black in lots of my life, and sometimes people have cameras i used to think it made people not want to talk to me like a warning that i was antisocial now they just don't seem like my hands without the black 62. Anonymous asked: do you have tattoos or piercings? L Chat reader also :) x Yes I have a tattoo on my right thigh and another tattoo on my left wrist and the only thing on my body that is pierced is my bellybutton 63. Marlene asked: is there a question you were hoping to be asked that you haven't been asked yet? 'i just inherited ten million dollars from my Republican grandparents and I want to do something with it that would really get their goat. Where do I send a check?' 64. colby asked: What are some of the things you loved about Michigan? Some of the things you hated? loved = how easy it is to get a waitressing job, greenfield village, up north when the trees change, the little places to go hiking everywhere, canoeing, big boys, alcohol at the supermarket, farmer's market, my gym.
hated = SO! many! strip! malls! everywhere!, detroit being the closest venue for big touring concerts/theater, traffic, football saturdays, the ann arbor art fair, 696 or really any roads that go into and around suburban detroit, my ghosts, at night it would get so quiet sometimes and all the trees felt sad, and the land felt sad and flat.
64a. How excitant are you about the new Tegan and Sara record? like a kid in a candy store where the candy hasn't arrived yet but will soon
64b. How are you? i'm wiped & i'm wired hopeful
64c. Are you ok? yes i think so. 65. Anonymous asked: how do you restrain yourself from hitting on alex all the time? i don't restrain myself from hitting on alex all the time. i think a better question would be 'how do you restrain yourself from hitting alex all the time?' 66. In your professional opinion, how hot is the Hot Tamale Train (HTT)? Andddd, who would you put on it? I would put Mary Murphy on it and hopefully she would ride it right out of that show, that bitch drives me crazy, her voice haunts me at night. She created that term right? That's what I heard. I bet it's actually kinda tepid/lukewarm. 67.how did you end up with so many interns on your other site and which one is your favorite. we had a lot of people who wanted to be interns and we have a lot of work that needs done so we have a lot of interns. we like to spread the love. i don't play favorites 68.I imagine you get a ton of emails thanking you for being so candid and forthright on your blog w/r/t your sexuality. And for alot people it's a glimpse into the world of lesbians who don't ride harley davidsons and have mullets (...not that there's anything wrong with that?) Any of the thanks-for-writing-your-blog emails stand out in particular, and why?
This is a really good question. And I'm not sure I would have expected this answer when I first started staring at the wall and thinking about it; but there was this time period in November '07 -- which is actually before I started getting emails more regularly -- when I was super emotionally exhausted and has just been through all this crazy shit and wasn't leaving my apartment, etc., so I decided to start telling everyone else's stories rather than my own, and I asked people to send me their 'secrets' which I'd then turn into a short story of sorts -(all those segments are here: Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me and my Monkey, What's my Secret? I like Boy Briefs, And I'd Die for the Truth in my Secret Life, So What I Lied, I Lie to Me Too).
And the responses I got from people who's "secrets" I'd told, or tried to make sense of through the storytelling, were so humbling and grateful ... some of whom really credited the story with helping them move past something in their lives they'd never told anyone about before ... and. one of the women who's secret I told was killed in a motorcycle accident a few weeks later. I don't know. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends. So that's one of the reasons that particular project really stuck in my heart and drove me to want to connect to people more when I could. 69.Nicole asked: Can you name all of the interns without referencing anything. bonus points if you can remember where we are all from muhaha
Nicole = NYC, Xandra = Long Island/NYC, Jess = Long Island, Katrina = Westchester/DC, Emily = Montreal, Laura = Philly/Ohio, Lola = Pittsburgh, Vashti = Oregon/Chicago, Elizabeth = Chicago, Tirna = DC, Heidi = LA, Daphne = Belgium, Asher = Boston, JK = Kentucky/MIA, Lily = Florida/NYC, and Lesley = Canada/MIA.
You realize if I've forgotten anyone I'll look like a big asshole.
69a. Why don't I have an air conditioner? 'Cause they're expensive and you probs don't feel like carrying it into your apartment and installing it
69b. Can you teach me to speak another language? I can teach you to speak in hashtags or in hebrish, my own combo of the two languages i once knew, hebrew and spanish
69c. Want one of my dunkin donuts gift cards that I just found? I've had them for a long time and don't drink coffee Yes, I will use them. 69d. Did you know that the other 2 Nicole's on here aren't me? No, I thought they were you. I also know that if you want to pluralize Nicole, YOU DON'T NEED AN APOSTROPHE WOMAN. The other two Nicoles are probs Nicole Kidman. 70. juliaoa asked: When is Autostraddle going to have another party? The last one was awesome. i actually don't know i am glad you liked the last party! i would guess in the fall maybe for halloween we like costumes i have a birthday in september which is scary 71. Brooklyn Boy asked: What's one of the hardest things you've ever had to write? i think i would have to say my book as thus far i've been emotionally incapable of writing it i look at it and there are all these ghosts in my stomach eating my heart 72.Anonymous asked: What would an ideal gender-neutral society look like? this is a hard one i don't know if i have the answer it would look like a bunch of shiny happy people with freedom who did things 'cause they wanted to, not b/c they were expected to, or trained to, or socialized to. People love who they love. Getting rid of the primary basis for classifying human beings into groups would be revolutionary really. We'd have to start over it would look like star trek the next generation 73. Laneia asked: does it hurt? only when i breathe 74. Anonymous asked: Do Autostraddle boyshorts really cover the average ass, or are you just full of shit? Yes they do. for example, I'm one of those people that gets a small bikini top but has to get a large bottom b/c i have a relatively significant ass compared to the rest of me. yet a size small autostraddle boyshorts covers me quite well. so there you go. 75. From Lily: Why do I follow Samantha Ronson on Twitter? because it's silly to follow lindsay and not follow samantha.
And why do I still love Lindsay Lohan? (I tivo-ed Labor Pains...it wasn't even good!!) because love is 4eva. 76.ZeeQ asked: CAPS LOCK OR SHIFT? CAPS LOCK 77. Paul asked: Do you actually have good evidence to support John Travolta being gay? He lost his son earlier this year, I think you speculating about him is unnecessary and mean. i don't think it's mean to say that he's gay i didn't think he was gay but for the past few years knowing ppl in 'the bizness' it's like common knowledge like the other commenter said i had a friend that worked with him on hairspray (#smallearth), ditto. someone asked me a question and i'd read that morning that JT was fed up with scientology for not recognizing his son's illness that led to his death and that he might leave even though they could out him if he left, and so that was my guess i don't think anything i say here will affect his grieving process tho 78.Anonymous asked: Are you single? no i just wanna see the earth at night 79. Anonymous asked: What celebrities do you think are in the closet? i feel like i just got asked this question and it didn't go well. paul got mad at me most celebrities who are widely rumored to be in the closet usually are when the rumors have some substance beyond "oh she looks gay," and when there are persistent rumors, year after year, and strange cover-ups, they almost always turn out to be true. sidenote; scientology is a lock box of secrets and a lot of high profile couples *cough* use it to cover up their lifestyles via significant donations.
Can you and a;ex make more vlogs soon? last time i tried to make a vlog with a;ex she was really sassy like "i'm not funny" and wouldn't talk i can try again some time it's been nearly a year maybe she's ready for this jelly now! 80. Anonymous asked: Question for Tinkerbell: How good is littlefoot in the toybox? Hello Anonymous this is Tinkerbell. Littlefoot is a babe in toyland. He enjoys mostly building things with wood, and also screws & nails. Thank you love tinkerbell. 81. Anonymous asked: If they had the same policies on everything, would you rather the next president be a gay man or a straight woman? Straight woman 82. Anonymous asked: Do you think Penelope Cruz is gay? Tegan and Sara seem to think so.. No, she is not gay. 83. Anonymous asked: What does Green's last name rhyme with? if this is a quiz, then i know the right answer but if it's really a question, i'm going to instead say "client" 84. jordan asked:
84a.what's your order at pinkberry? pomagranate with granola, bananas and raspberries.
84b. are you allergic to anything? cats, dogs, ragweed (allergy season august to october), citric acid (tomato sauce, orange juice, etc), and old spice.
84c. how gay is ann arbor? pretty fucking gay as a town to grow up in. but i found my university of michigan experience to be very hostile to homosexuals and bisexuals, but i think i hung with the wrong crowd in that respect, very heteronormative frat/sorority kids.
84d. what book (memoir/ bio/ something non fiction/ or something fiction that doesn't suck balls) should i read next? appetites: why women want by caroline knapp 85. phoenix asked: Do you think biphobia is still a problem in the gay community? Absolutely, I don't think that's changed one bit. People are very open about being biphobic, very limited in their conception of bisexuality and very hostile of it and doubting of it. 86. Zed asked: I feel like people still don't fully accept bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation, and society just wants people to conform to the binary of gay and straight like they conform to gender binaries.
So a) is bisexuality now the thing that poses a greater challenge to the paradigm of heteronormativity than homosexuality does? yes
b) how do you choose to label your own sexuality? and why? (sorry if that's too personal.) queer!
I like "queer.' Bisexuality implies a binary gender system, that's no good. Though biologically I believe could be with a "man" or a "woman" and would identify as "bisexual" if asked to pick one (this has been the case since I was 17), I feel that my life will be a lesbian life and don't anticipate being with a man again. My prior relationships with men were not exercizes in denial, they were honest & genuine relationships. But this (lesbianism) is my world & my life and where I feel I am true to myself, comfortable & happy now.
It's not too personal, I just don't like to talk about it because people want to argue with me and I'm sick of the argument, no one ever wants to change their mind, they just want to change mine.
i have personally identified as bi since i was 17 though again, would at that time (pre-2003) say i was straight unless asked directly what sexual orientation i affiliated with and then i would say bi. 87 asked: Wino-forever: why did winona ryder steal all that shit from saks fifth avenue that one time? sometimes you feel untouchable and want to be touchable instead, people like being touched
and will she ever do anything as awesome as Heathers again? no one will ever do anything as awesome as Heathers again. 88. me meme asked ...
88a. Why does A;ex have a semi-colon in her name? In October 2007 we decided to have a commenter contest for the best comments of the past few weeks or something. Alex Vega, who we barely knew at the time, ended up winning the contest -- Haviland & I explain why in the vlog on this post, starting at about 2:22. Later, Alex explains exactly how the semicolon happened in this video!
88b. Do you ever tire of listening to and quoting Tegan and Sara? never, it's like crack which I've never had, but probs would never tire of
88c. Did you hear the speculation that Tegan and Sara are gay? oh baby that's not just a speculation that is TRUTH
88d. When do you think they will come out? I think they'll come out in like 2000?
88e. Do you think having ze gay will hurt/help or have zero effect on their career? So far it seems to have worked quite well for them. 88f. Should scientists start working towards technology which allows us to populate the planet with genetically engineered lesbian identical twins with have uncommon musical prowess? i believe that above all else
88g. Is the previously described vision of the future the true Utopia? no the true utopia is more like candyland
88h. Should I stop or keep going? I want to shave my head and lie in bed all day long 89. who is the one person you'd like to interview for autostraddle, like the tippity top ultimate interview
I know this might sound lame/clichè but ... Ellen. I think it would have be Ellen. She's in this untouchable stratosphere. Or um, J.D Salinger. 90. Anonymous said: hey i'm late on this one but alex should get questions too! she's hot! hot people should be taken seriously as individuals and not discriminated against because of their hotness.Yep?
Alex says that she will take your questions at alex at autostraddle dot com! I try not to discriminate against Alex because of her hotness. For example right now I have drugged her with painkillers and she's talking to her pillow, and I'm not like "stop it, you're too hot for that!" 90.autumn asked: Do you Regret asking people to ask you questions due to the amount of questions you've recieved? Receiving this question made me LOL, so no regrets there. 91. jenn asked: what is on your computer background? This photo from the rosie cruise '07:
91b. do you wear white after labour day? yes, i labour in all colours. 92. meg asked: What's so wrong with identifying one part of a same-sex couple the guy and the other the girl?
I think those labels imply that there is something essential/fixed about those two genders - that any "guy" is expected to act a particular way and a "girl" immediately implies acting a different way. Even many het relationships don't abide by those fixed correspondences; sometimes the penis-having partner will have the more "female associated role."
In truth, I prefer "butch" and "femme," if that is the nature of the relationship. because those terms are relatively independent of fixed gender associations and aren't ever used to refer to something essential or innate, as in we recognize in sayng them that these are chosen roles, rather than "oh yeah, kd lang came out of the womb and we knew right away that she was a butch." (I mean obvs femme = female, but "feminine" is an adjective, rather than a fixed-association noun), and they don't feel "fixed" necessarily, like someone can say "i'm gonna butch it up tonight" or whatnot.
Honestly though everyone should just do what they want to do and label how they want to label. I think when we've complained about it in a vlog we were saying that we dont like being asked "who's the guy and who's the girl?" b/c not every homo relationship does choose to classify themselves in that way. but to each his own, obvi. 93. Vashti asked:93a. What is your hot summer jam of '09? Boom Boom Pow by the Black-Eyed Peas
93b. Why does your full name flow so well that I could never just call you Marie? This actually has an answer! It's b/c my grandmother (who died when my Mom was 14, so I never met her) was a fashion model; as in, that's how she made a living. Her real name Marilyn Goldstien was like Jew City, so she changed her name to Marie Lyn annnddd I was named after her (it's Jewish tradition to marry your kid after a dead relative)!
93c. Did you know that if there's an AS pride party next year [which I'm just going to assume there will be] I will definitely 100% hands down totes be there? Yes, I figured we'd make you die of jealousy and ensure next year's attendence.
93d.Where is the best place you've seen the sunrise? By Columbia in uptown Manhattan, when we were tripping and came from 14th to 116th to see my friend Jake and had crazy visions on the subway and emerged from underground to a brilliant fall morning. (Photo, right, of my friends that morning, after breakfast)
93e. Sunset? Rosie Cruise
93f. I don't watch a lot of actual teevee and when I actually do, I find myself really confused/annoyed by commercials ... Am I crazy for thinking this? I'm going to kill the Progressive Insurance lady. I think advertisers have gotten lazy, b/c humans are lazy and the truth is we're not usually gonna bother channel-flipping during commercials, but we just might if we find the ads themselves annoying. Unless the commercials are better tailored to the audience, better made, and less overdone. They need to think less about quantity and more about quality and targeting the right market. Why does Logo air ads for natural male enhancement during L Word reruns, you know? Advertisers should think of this time as an opportunity to honestly share with the audience something you're certain will enhance their lives.
93g. What do you think is the worst color combination? OR Isn't orange and purple a ridiculous color combination? Why would someone paint their house these colors? purple & orange would be amazing the worst color combination is different shades of the same color. someone would paint their house those colors to be obnoxious or possibly because of insanity. 94. kelly asked: I've just been watching your vlogs, what does 'Nice Shoulder' mean?
So, the first time we made a vlog was for our friend lozo, who had a sports blog that was super popular which he has since passive-aggressively deleted. He was having finger surgery or something. Anyhow, he also had shoulder surgery and was so proud of his new shoulder that he turned his photo into a picture of a shoulder that wasn't really his and was whining that no one noticed how great his new shoulder is.
With all my blog posts, I do this thing where I write back to everyone name by name since you can't just reply individually like on wordpress, and Lozo does the same thing. and so one time he was responding to comments and when he got to his own comment he wrote:
lozo - nice shoulder.
and i thought it was funny. So somehow this started being something I'd write back to myself or to anyone when you couldn't really think of anything else to say. I suppose it's a story that doesn't work so well in the re-telling. 95. Someone asked: have you and haviland slept together? obvs. they also asked who broke up with whom, which doesn't apply to us really. Anyhow, the answers to most questions about me and haviland do exist on this blog or in a video somewhere or can be easily answered by deductive reasoning. Here, here:
96. Olivia Newton John asked: Do you think therapy has helped you any? yes also the power you're supplying is electrifying, sidenote 97. autumn asked: do you still think Autumn is amazing? yes
what if i stole all your socks? or what if i drew on your face with marker while you slept? i would think you were mean, but still amazing, and i feel like you would give me my socks back. also i had to buy more socks today so i'm prepared.
is it possible that i could get any cooler? yes, i think you get cooler all the time so chances are you will continue to get even cooler from here.
Am i the coolest Autumn you know? yes
wanna hang out? yes 98. Paul asked: So who do you think is gay in hollywood. I'll get the ball rolling 1. Wentworth Miller.. 2. John Travolta! 3. Will & Jada! 4. Spongebob!!! 99.Conor asked: What is the difference in sensation/experience between having sex with a man and having sex with a woman? Women are soft and men are hard. Women are narrow and men are broad, even the skinny men. It is terrifically easy to get a man off. It's easier to be creative with wmen. Honestly at first women felt weird like something I was totally not used to and therefore didn't seem to be "right" because up to that point I'd so rarely actually thought about how sex made me feel physically, I just thought about how it made me feel emotionally w/r/t power or insecurity, but now it's obviously the reverse, men just seem oafish sometimes. Women are far more likely to hate their bodies, but when a man hates his body it's really brutal. Women are prettier. I don't like how men smell in the morning. 100. iieee asked: why isn't 'heteronormativity' in the dictionary? seriously? do you think someone needs to invent a clitionary instead? I don't know, did we invent it in academia? I fully support the invention of a clitionary. 101. Anonymous asked: In prose, what did happen with Caitlin? Your poem is amazing btw. Thanks! That story is really long, like hundreds of thousands of words long. And also kinda raw. 102. girlwiththethorn asked: Who would you rather have a torrid love affair with, Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf? Why? Sylvia Plath, for one a torrid affair is less painful at the end if she leaves me for a man. She's also cuter. I dunno, I find her darkness more palpable, like actually if I really think about it, I would genuinely like to have a torrid affair with her. No wait, maybe virginia. She'd be so brilliant and stuff, and I'd be like omg, you are so brilliant. I have written too many words today and am losing my MINDDDD.
Do you like the word 'torrid'? Yes!
HEY-O! A;ex has answered your questions ...
Does anyone have a tattoo of your name or image? If so, explain. I don't know why anyone would do that! Unless it was huge picture of me giving thumbs up... or something. That I could understand. Even better if it were on their lower back, obvs.
Also, to be fair...on a scale of 1 to amazing, how good a kisser is Riese? She's absolutely supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Just kidding about the last one. I'm not. 103. Anonymous asked: Are there ever going to be any more 'Really, Papi, really?' tees? maybe yeah, if demand warrants!
Failing that, are there plans for more new autostraddle/autowin merchandise in the forseeable future? Yes absolutely. 104. Anonymous asked: What has been the most embarrassing experience/moment of your life so far? It's actually kinda hard to embarrass me! I think I've been around so many crazy people that I've become immune to this stuff.
But I'd have to say pretty much my entire pre-adolescence was really embarrassing.
actually this one time in film/tv class in 9th grade at public high school where i had not very many friends i had put my video project on the same tape that i guess i'd used before to test if the camera was working. so when my video for class was over, the screen went dark and then reopened almost immediately on me with my face in the camera, looking like holy hell, wearing like boxers and a see-through shirt (pajamas) singing a song to myself that i think was like, "hola me llamo MARIE!" and all this other total nonsense, dancing and sitting in the chair and talking about my life & feelings.
my teacher wouldn't even shut off the tape b/c everyone was enjoying it SO MUCH! i didn't know anyone in the class really, and 'til that point i'd been like the girl who was so much better at everything than anyone else (this wasn't a big accomplishment, i was the only one interested in the topic and not just needing the credit) that they all really wanted to hate me and so clearly it spread like wildfire in my 4,000-student school.
obvs if that happened now i'd be like "what's up bitches that's the hottest video ever, i got those boxers at gapkids that's right, i'm still a kid's size 14, suck it bitches! i got one leg!"
i have many other stories involving people making fun of my body, me overhearing people talking shit about me, um, crying in public, etc ... there's like hundreds of those, mmmm ... yeah. so that's just one example. 105.There are too many Nicoles on here and I want to change mine but I like my name so I'm not going to and therefore you just have to use your best judgment to figure out which Nicole is me and why are you yelling at me? i'm not yelling at anyone i am a very peaceful person 106. Isobel asked: I know you like to watch American's Next Top Model.
106a. Have you ever thought about auditioning for the show? You would be totally fun to watch on reality tv, more fun than Elyse Sewell, even. Aw, thanks! But Elyse has one thing that I do not -- a chin and a jawline! I actually wasn't a fan really of what little modeling I did do when I first came to the city, which isn't promising w/r/t my future in the career -- it's really not my scene, regardless of the fact that i don't really have a face for it, I think I would psychoanalyze everyone and end up getting yelled at on the bus like Kim did, except it would be less cute. I don't like being on camera or on the teevee unless I am being paid/it's for myblog. But that's a sweet question, thanks. :-)
b) Do you like Miss Jay or Mr. Jay better? Miss Jay
c) Who is the most annoying contestant on ANTM ever? JADE. 107. Autumn asked: do you feel like my questions were too intrusive? no
107a. by answering my questions you were letting us see into your soul? my soul is a potato
107b.did i make you uncomfortable by asking such personnel questions? no one asked me any personnel questions
107c. would you like me to stop continuing to ask you really stupid questions? there are no stupid questions only stupid answers
107d. have i ever made you laugh so hard that you snorted? i am not a big snort laugher but if i was i would snort a whole lot.
107e.wanna go cow tipping with me? I'm still amazing right? RIGHT?!?! both of those questions have the same answer which is YES. 108. SA Anon asked:
a. Last night I had a dream about you! I was visiting America and you were taking me around to different stores. I think we were at some kind of smallish store and I then asked you if you could show me what Target was like as well as Walmart. I didn't get to see them as that was the extent of the dream, however I remember being very excited about possibly going to Walmart. How do you feel about me having dreamt of you twice now (not 'bad' dreams!)?
That's cool! Last night I dreamt that my Dad helped me rent a car and the night before that I dreamt the other night that Al Queda bombed the Rosie cruise while the rosie cruise was flying in the air!
As for Target and Wal-Mart they are very different When I am really poor I like Wal-Mart because some stuff is really almost free Target has been my favorite place to go since I was a kid really i love target I applied to work there twice no luck.
108a. Also, what 5 books would you recommend I read? I enjoy reading, but I don't do it as often as I should and would like to get back into it. Nothing too 'heavy'.
i'm always confused by what 'heavy' might mean ... here goes!
because they wanted to - mary gaitskill everything is illuminated - jonathan safran foer tipping the velvet - sarah waters bids of america - lorrie moore the perks of being a wallflower - stephen chbosky 109. Anonymous asked: Why is it do you think that most lesbians are overweight? Excluding you and your friends, natch.
I think most women in America are overweight, yes? If lesbians are more frequently overweight than women in general are, I don't think it's because straight women are healthier, I think it's because they are more likely to yo-yo diet, work out at the gym & do other crazy things to please their husbands and other women who they feel competitive with at work or elsewhere. Or perhaps they feel more comfortable doing programs like Weight Watchers or going to the gym and stuff, lesbians are often afraid of women-only spaces that are mostly for a certain kind of straight woman.
I think in general women have a more genuine concept of what is attractive in another woman so they wouldn't judge a woman based on her size in the same way that most men do. But I think that's a good thing -- not when it comes to being overweight at the risk of your health, but towards being okay with being "healthy" and not worrying about an arbitrary standard.
Possibly there will be an autostraddle article soon on a related topic ... 110. Anonymous asked: What time does haviland wake up in the morning and who are her movie star crushes? :) She wakes up usually at 6 or 7 am and ummm ... ha, neither of us are really into movie star crushes, at least not in a really genuine way ... all I can say is that she says her type is usually whoever is on the cover of More magazine and she liked that woman in judging amy? I think? But like not in a hard-core way. Just, oh, that is a beautiful woman.
PS ignore the PC Lesbos calling for censorship. i'm so confused about what "PC lesbos" means! in the contexts that I've seen it used just recently, it seems to be used to mean that "being PC" = nice, and "being not PC" = mean & aggressively critical of the appearance of other lesbian. Does it really mean "politically correct" or "personal computer" or does it have a different meaning in the context of the lesbian interwebs? What is this term I know nothing of? 111. curiousgrrl asked: Robert Smith or Morrissey? morrisey
Jenny Lewis or Emily Haines? emily haines
PJ Harvey or Tori Amos? i know it's not hipster to say this, but i've been tori from day one ...
and I think we all know what this is building up to... ... ...... Tegan or Sara? i can't pick just one! 112. yesnoyesnoyes asked: Is bad grammar and spelling a deal breaker? apparently not 113. Anonymous asked: How can I become an intern? I want in! Email brooke at autostraddle dot com and riese at autostraddle dot com with a resummè, two writing samples (unless you are more interested in the marketing/business part of it, or if you're into design then a few portfolio samples), tell us how much time you can devote to autostraddle and why the hell you wanna be involved with a bunch of punks like us. 114. ZeeQ asked: IS IT TRUE THAT CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL? COZ SOMETHING'S CONTROLLING CRUISE AND I DON'T THINK IT'S CAPSLOCK. JUST SAYING BRO, JUST SAYING. caps lock is a chinese finger trap of mind control
also this word veruificat9ion shit is hard and fucking hard and shit its like words tou have to spell i don't like it wheres my pants? i think your pants are probs on the floor. word vertification has a learning curve for sure. stick with i and you'll be an expert in no time. but please finds your pants first. 115. Lasalli asked: What last made you laugh? I cannot exactly quote, but it was something Carlytron said in a reply-all about 30 minutes ago! 116. Anonymous asked: Why do you think that society has trouble accepting that pretty girls can be lesbians? because it is unbelievably threatening to the patriarchy which is the foundation of our culture and society. believing that women who can "get a man" would prefer a woman -- especially a woman they deem unattractive or "butch" -- is petrifying. it means if women ever get economic & political power, a lot of guys are gonna have to step it up.
116a. is what they say in 30 rock true- that 'New York thin' is six sizes below what the rest of the world considers to be skinny? Yes, it is true. Maybe three sizes below, though. 117.Anonymous asked: What's your favorite tegan & sara album? the con. 118. Anonymous asked: what do you think about the whole 'I kissed a girl' ruckus? it has woken me up to the fact that most people haven't heard of the jill sobule song "i kissed a girl," which came out in the mid-nineties and was amazing, which makes me sad. Also, she's a gay.
What is your all time favourite haviland stillwell cover song? I Wanna Come Over by Melissa Etheridge. 119.maybesproutwings asked: Do you think that we are weirdos because we are gay or that we are just weirdos in general?
i think all gay people are weirdos, you have to be to live such an outsider kind of life. this will change over the years. but right now it's like if someone is gay you know they've been through something interesting. sort of how when you find out someone has lived in nyc, they have some sense of toughness, that they must be at least slightly scrappy. 120.apult asked: are you going to write any more erotica?
i can't say for certain but i don't think so there's so many things i do virtually or alone these days moreso than maybe IRL like have friendships so i need some things to only exist in the realm of reality but also i don't know, that was a different time i was different then now i'm bashful
120. Jo asked: tongue piercings - hot or not? hot 121. Sandra asked: Hello Tinkerbell this is Sandra. I look like you except my fur does not look so machine washed- you have been through a lot in your time. How is your eating disorder? Are you still living off a liquid diet of vodka tonics? Also have you seen the gay Danish model Freja Beha Erichsen? Bow wow wow. Now my question is over yours forever Sandra.
Hello Sandra this is Tinkerbell. I am wanting to be skinny like the girls on the teevee. Vodka tonics makes me happy but also sleepy on the bed where I lay for the days and nights without littlefoot. I have not seen the freja lady you speak of but I do love danishes, especially with raspberries, and also models, because they are skinny. To be honest I am hungry right now but i have no gullet for the melon love yours forever tinkerbell. 122.Moonkiller asked: are we still asking questions? apparently
who do you prefer, simon or garfunkel? or a;ex? kodachrome
will you ever revisit cardiff even though we don't make good hamburgers? yes i like ice cream
you said that your favourite quote from a film is the one from blow, does it make you make this face ':(' too or is it just me? it makes me feel better, like everything isn't gonna be ok, but it's gonna be ok that it's not gonna be ok. you know? moonkiller, you know.
have you read any john steinbeck novels and if so what is your favourite? (want to buy one but can't decide which) of mice and men
does my lack of capitals irritate you? no
is this my last question? yes 122. anonymous asked: What is your all time playlist of lesbian/girl-on-girl songs? Is it bad that I like 'All the things she said' and 'If you seek amy'?
it is not bad to like anything except the caveman commercials on geiko and sarah palin.
TOTALLY LESBIAN MUSIC: both hands - ani difranco to feel real - melissa ferrick cruel and clumsy - chris pureka nineteen - tegan & sara as cool as i am - dar williams you had time - ani difranco baby you can sleep while i drive - melissa ethridge i see red - uh huh her the girl in the affair - jill sobule in spite of all the damage i've done - the be good tanyas not an addict - k's choice leaving - the indigo girls jumpers - sleater-kinney the weakness in me - sleater-kinney dialate - ani difranco 123. SA Anon asked: Ok, staying with books - what are your top 5 lesbian themed books of all time?
i like essay collections because i am A GIANT LOSER. um. I am going to not talk about those as they are all mostly out of print. Also I would recommend any poetry by Eileen Myles.
Tipping the Velvet - Sarah Waters Annie on My Mind! - Nancy Garden Shockproof Sydney Skate - Marijane Meeker Trash - Dorothy Allison Fun Home - Allison Bechdel
I feel like those aren't right and i will want to change my answers tomorrow. 124. Amy asked: Can you show pictures of your tattoos?
this is my wrist right after I got it, it's ancient Hebrew for "yud"/yad.
Um, the other one I only have one picture of, and um, I am debating it.
