Saturday, October 18, 2008

are you human, or are you VLOG-star?

The news goes so fast these days we can hardly keep up with our Sarah Palin jokes. I used the last of our footage for this vlog. I've also included footage shot w/A;ex while I was living w/her and her parents on Long Island & footage shot w/Natalie while I was living w/her and someone else's parents in Harlem. I've got parental issues.

So the is about America, Natalie, and how Alex still has Angelina Jolie posters all over her walls. Caitlin and I had a lot of feelings about Alex's room and most importantly its Gwen Stefani wallpaper when we first saw it. In fact we instantly dashed to Barnes & Noble to buy every mag featuring an Angelina spread.

When Alex got our present she yelled at us for supporting the tabloid journalism industry but our laughter drowned out her protests. We were very amused over what we perceived to be our incredible funiness, cleverhood, talentship and invention, and we were and saying things like "Alex, we wouldn't want you to miss this shot of Angie and Shiloh for over your bed!" "Alex, this is an important photograph!"

I have the teevee on mute and Janice Dickinson just pushed a greasy muscled boy into a swimming pool. All the other boys, also in Speedos, are standing at the side of the pool trying to look like the Marlboro Man, I think. I'm glad I have it on mute. i bet the noise would be annoying.

Did you know Lozo stopped writing his blog? I'll probs get all his traffic now. Football. Basketball. This stupid girl on the bus. Baseball. Hi Lozo fans! Anyhow, when I used to think to myself; "Riese, why do you spend so much time on your blogs when it's not really financially lucrative and you really should be focusing on other things, like your career, or long-term plans for life, or writing a book or freelancing or making a living, or that baby you had in Montana that one summer with that ranchboy who smelled like haystacks, where is that baby now?" -- I would then answer myself like this: "Well, Lozo does it."

That's my policy in life. If I can think of one other person who does what I'm doing and seems okay with it then I am in the clear. But now that Lozo isn't doing it, I don't know how to answer myself when I question myself like that. I have a lot more thoughts on this topic, specific thoughts and lists, etc. But this post is going to be about the vlog. It's 3 A.M., I should be asleep, especially since I broke all my fingers from typing too much.

Also now on the teevee they have Janice dressed up like a trannie hooker princess, and all the other kids are dressed like goblins. I have a lot of questions about America. Maybe this vlog will answer them. Actually this vlog is about nothing more than any vlog has ever been about nothing before. the only "greater meaning" I can gleam from the wreckage is that we have a lot of things happening in our head a the same time.:


Vashti said...

Ooooh Riese. I've had the shittiest night meaning of course that I was very, very happy to see a bright and shiny new vlog of everything happier than how I feel right now. My number one goal tonight was to drink away allllll the problems I had this week. My number one feeling right now is complete sobriety and bitterness and hatred for everything [excluding this. I liked this.] Also, I can't for the life of me remember the title/artist of that last song.. Help please? It's late. I'm rambling. I still haven't had granola and it hasn't rained in forever. I'm upset at night and bored at not night. I'm pretty sure some crazy drunk just went speeding down the street outside my room while layin' on the horn. Brb while I go find some place to hide from the world and just stay there and wait it all out.

On a positive note, I love time travel and every time I address someone in a different time zone I get to do that. So. You know. Woohoo!

Haviland Stillwell said...

Aww, what a cast of characters we've got here! Riese, srsly you get better every time. The beginning is ACE.

Vashti, I think the song you're referring to is "Hear me Out" by Imogen Heap. Fantastic/heartbreaking.

Have a good weekend, kiddos!

cookies said...

I love Imogen Heap! Hey vashti, the song is 'Hear me out' from IH when she was in that band Frou Frou.
How on earth did you give birth to five dogs, Riese?
"I'm wearing like three pairs of glasses you know?"
"I thought the O.C. was a channel."
Why has Lozo stopped blogging?

autumn m said...

i just watched the laramie project. hands down the best movie i own. and how does alex feel about you telling everyone about her weird obsession with angelina jolie? how funny!!

rod said...

Lozo stopped blogging? How are we to figure out if we want to have sex with him?
This vlog reminds me of being at uni and spending entire weekends in other people's rooms having fun/preventing them from getting on with more important things. Incidentally, I wish someone would give my room an angelina jolie make over. There's probably a tv show concept in that somewhere. I'd watch.

Anonymous said...

It's my birthday. I'll be having a fantastic weekend.
Funny women are sexy so thank you.
Tonight I'll drink a few for all of you or maybe I'll stay sober for once... ha

Anonymous said...

your head turning in sync with the violent femmes was awesome. well done. alex sounded just like mama vega when she said 'downstairs'. i wish the gwen stefani section could have been shown with more light, cause it's that amazing. excellent job.

A. said...

(running and jumping high five)

Bokolis said...

Is this is how you spend your Friday nights? All this time, I didn't realize the "smokin' hot life" was meant to be facetious.

Of course, brilliant.

I was independently exposed to Not a Love Song. Methinks one has to do a bump to fully appreciate it. But, I suppose I can bop to it after an appropriate amount of Belvedere tonics.

If I go watch W., does it support the tabloid media apparatus?

eric mathew said...

OMG Riese Bernard that was really good. Like one of my favorites. It ranks up there with the Full House one. Okay, here is my 411, I really like that Natalie chick. She reminded me like Haviland, but not in the Laura Benanti way. Maybe it was her voice, I'm not really sure. Of course Semi was just wonderful. What was she eating at that one part? It looked like a big apple jawn thing. Maybe corn? I'm not sure. That shirt you were wearing was just very good.

of course splicing in the Hav as SP vlogs was splendid, because you my friend are the next Diddy. I think you could launch the whole new "Vote or Die" campaign and everyone would be so into it.

I also think there is a plan to get Stillwell back on the East Coast for maybe a week. That's right... Rosie's variety show. I mean c'mon she would be so awesome on it. What could she sing??

I think you should do a musical vlog one day... "Me and Haviland down by the School Yard." that is the first one that came to my head... there are tons though.

Anyway, I just had like a fantastic haircut. I have been watching so many of the Bravo TV shows that like I know what to look for when I go into a salon. Needless to say, Tabitha would have been impressed.

AND OMG I MET LANCE BASS YESTERDAY. Maybe we will get married... probs not, but I'm sure he has some pals in WeHo that would like me.


gossip gay / eric mathew/ jew-ish/ gobama.

and p.s. you need to see this video done by bway diva leslie kritzer, you'll enjoy. totes.

carlytron said...

this might be my favorite vlog evar.

did I hear some blink-182 in there?

Anonymous said...

Cause sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to hold it all together. And, really, isn't this blog just a gold mine for twenty years from now? I read my stuff from ten years ago, and after I finish crying about how awful it is, I'm so incredibly glad I have it. So, uh, moral of the story - hooray for blogging?

Vashti said...

Ahh! Yes! That's exactly what the song is! [Excuse me while I use more exclamation points!] I def know it as a Frou Frou song. Thanks Hav and Cookies. You guys rock.

I'm in a much better mood right now so I just want to say again that I *really* liked this vlog. You're becoming such a skilled editor. Loves it. =]

riese said...

vashti: I was hoping to make someone's Friday night. I feel like maybe you should take something to help you get on a regular sleep schedule. I mean I am not a doctor, but I think the first few months of college are hard enough as it is. I coped by running, starving, drinkng and crying, and then dropping out, I wouldn't reccomend that policy.

hear me out by frou frou -- for which imogene heap sings.

haviland stillwell: yaysers! i love you! miss you. you are fantastic/heartwarming.

cookies: I gave birth to five dogs because when your country needs you to defend from the wolves and moose of this great hinterland, one must respond by shoring up as many armies and animals as possible to survive the onslaught of the cold winters and terror-lovers.

autumn m: oo i saw laramie project when it was a play when it was first off broadway, and hten i saw the movie, and it gets me every time and is brilliant. and might be what i imagine your town to be like. alex is not amused by me making fun of her angelina jolie problem, but luckily my amusement overrides her upsetness any day of the week.

rod: your description of this vlog is amazing and i want to frame it for my wall.

anonymous: It's your birthday? I know a lot of people who have a birthday on october 17th, maybe you are one of them!

jersey: I know, there's a part where I'm trying to turn on the light but obvs I failed and Alex was no help at all whatosever. I wanted to get that she still has all these dudes on there too, mostly dudes with long hair, and there's a serious angelina quotes section on the ceiling there.

a.: (running and jumping acceptance of your high five)

bokolis: I know right, I usually give off this "my friday nights are legitimately smokin' hot" vibe, don't I? I can say from experience that Uh Huh Her is best experienced on massive amounts of marajuana, then you can feel like it's crawled underneath your skin and is softly petting your soul with leisha's hair.

W. is not the tabloid media apparatus, no no no. Just UsWeekly, InTouch, People and Life & Style (I thnk that's what it's called). Of course they all had big angie storeis so what were we to do?

eric mathew: It's always stranged to be called Riese Bernard, haha. I feel like it makes me sound like a gigantic German wolfdog.

Natalie is my beautiful lovely bff from college who is not only smart and witty, but my future roommate. That means she won't want to be my friend anymore in about 9 months, but we lived together in collge too.

i hope I can be the next Diddy, then I can fly my private plane to another country and try to feed the children and so forth. I also want Hav to be on Ro's show so that she can come out here via plane. We'll do a musical vlog one day. So many unpaid things for me to do and so little time!!

carlytron: Hell yeah you did. I was trying to capture the mood of the time period in which I imagined Vega last re-decorated.

burningsteady: I think it might be the opposite of a gold mine ... I do have journals and stuff. My Mom likes to call and tell me that I am giving away all my best writing for free. But I dunno I mean ... does anyone actually get paid to write these days?

vashti: !!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

ooooh my! what a bunch of characters indeed! haviland, riese, alex--you guys are fantastico!
i, ummmm, am a squirrel on steroids!
but yay!
great vlog, marie--i enjoyed it thoroughly. Also, thank you, eric matthew, for your kind words on my vlog debut:)

love, natalie

Anonymous said...

omg, i can't stop watching it! it's sooooooo good! some of my fave lines:

haviland: ummm, reagan, had a good looking VP...i mean, he wasn't miss wasilla/alaska...and he definitely wasn't miss congeniality...

Alex: I am all about jesus
marie: well...i am all about freedom
alex: great! we could come together and form the republican party!

haviland: todd could find a snow mobile if we were int he desert....that's just how my man is!

love it!

xx nar

Mercury said...

That Vlog was win. Automatically. Somewhat like you. especially frou frou at the end. I heart frou frou.

lately I've been drinking way more than I used to drink, if you read lately as the last month or two and compared it to the last two years, my consumption on a weekly basis probably increased by like 300%... I'm not terribly concerned about this. I dont know why I felt the need to discuss it either. I think because I'm still recovering from the effects of aforementioned alcohol intake.

Danielle said...

too funny
i love the vlog so much. Probably one of my favorites of all time. Anyway, it always brightens my day to see that you've posted. Hope the north is beautiful right now i do tend to miss it a bit down in Orlando. it is like 75 degrees here so there's a bunch of critters in their hoodies even if they're completely not needed. have a lovely week!

Vashti said...

Damn i was about to leave you a drunk comment but i'm starting to sober up now. I hsouldn't be drinking on a sunday night though since i have a class at 9 tomorwo. WHATEVA. I also haven't had dinner yet. but my firend is taking me to get something to eat now. so yeah. bye/.